Abraham Wiggins

English IV Honors

Mrs. Wilson

April 29, 2019

The Importance of Good Parenting

Parents have a huge impact on infants, and it is the parents’ responsibility to raise the child

right. Unfortunately, bad parenting has increased, and these instances are related to poverty and

cyclical behavior. The consequences of bad parenting in some cases are people with such

destructive behavior that they cannot be reformed.

I. Importance of Parenting

II. Different Types of Parenting

A. Types of Good Parenting

B. Types of Bad Parenting

III. Poverty and cyclical behavior

IV. Helping an abused child

V. Lost Causes ( deliquents, kids involved in gangs)

VI. Conclusion

The Importance of Good Parenting

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Being a parent is one of the most important things a person can do. It is not an easy job,

and there are multiple responsibilities that go along with raising a child, guiding them to become

adults. One of the responsibilities of a parent is to teach their children morals. For example,

included among moral guidance parents should teach their children are not to steal, respect their

elders, and be forgiving. These morals teach children how to respect one another and to grow up

into functioning members of society. But when children are not taught these morals, it leads to a

breakdown of a polite society. Another responsibility a parent has is to teach their children

values. Some important values that parents should teach their children include, work ethic,

friendships, respect, self-respect, and honesty. While morals create a polite society, values create

a productive society. The type of parent a child has has a direct impact on what kind of adult the

child will become. It is important to remember that different types of parenting have different

effects on children.

Many experts agree that a good form of parenting involves the parents listening to their

children and setting boundaries for them to follow. This is called authoritative parenting.

Studies show parents who raise their children this way produce children who are frequently well-

behaved. This style promotes freedom of expression for the children, and this can help to

increase the confidence of the children, enabling them to make decisions on their own. Parents

following this style of parenting are more likely to raise children into capable adults than other

styles of parenting (McGolerick).

Authoritative parents have expectations for their children and expect their children to

meet them. These parents have an understanding of what they want, and they discuss it with

their children, making sure the children have appropriate goals to work toward. Involving the

children in discussions about these goals enables the authoritative parents to make sure that their
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children are working towards meeting their goals. They also make sure their requests for their

children are suitable, and they consider their children’s ability to perform and meet these goals.

They are strict about their children meeting the goal, but they are responsive if their children are

struggling during their progress. Authoritative parents tend to give support to their children

when they encounter those bumps in the road (Navuluri).

Authoritative parents also encourage communication with their children, verbal give and

take between the parents and children. This can make tasks less difficult to perform for children

because they are able to see their parents as people that they can discuss their problems with.

This also teaches children to respect themselves because they feel valued and respected by their

parents. Children with authoritative parents are also more likely to form trusting relationships

with others because they have seen these types of relationships at work in their own lives.

As opposed to authoratative parenting, there is a type of bad parenting which includes a

number of negative aspects. This style of parenting, authoritarian, can include abuse, neglect,

and extreme control. Authoritarian parenting is similar to authoritative parenting but more

controlling and more strict. Authoritarian parents are very insistent and insensitive. They have

rules and unwritten rules that the child is expected to know and to follow without question.

These parents do not even give the child proper directions on the rules: they are just expected to

know them (Cherry). This can be very unsettling for the children because they are faced with

worry about breaking rules and receiving punishment for things they did not realize they were

responsible for.

Parents who use this type of parenting style also do not express enough love and

nurturing. They are more likely to be found arguing and, in many ways, intimidating their

children instead of giving them the positive feedback needed for children to learn. Discipline is
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of greater importance to these parents instead of keeping the relationship with their children fun

and engaging. Authoritarian parents usually expect that their children should just be seen and

not heard. They also do not give any explanation when punishing their children which, most

frequently, is physical punishment like spanking instead of using positive reinforcement. They

tend to react harshly when their rules are broken (Cherry).

Authoritative parents do not let their children have choices or options because most often

the parent’s mindset is “my way or the highway” which is why they discipline. They do not like

to negotiate or for the children to make their own choices. They have very low tolerance for

misbehavior and expect the children to simply know better than to misbehave. They do not have

the patience for giving their children an explanation as to why they should stay away from

foolish behavior and do not waste time talking about feelings. They do not trust their children to

make good choices. The parents do not give their children independence to demonstrate that

they can exhibit good behavior and good choices. Instead of letting their children face their own

dilemmas and experience natural consequences for those choices, this type of parents stands over

the children so they can make sure they do not make mistakes (Cherry).

Authoritarian parents might shame their children to make them obedient. Parents can be

highly disapproving using phrases like “Why do you always do that?,” “How many times do I

have to tell you the same thing?,” and “Why can’t you do anything right?,” These are just a few

phrases that these parents might use frequently instead of saying things to boost their children’s

self-esteem. These parents believe that shaming their children will push them to do better

(Cherry). Unfortunately, negative feedback from parents often leads to feelings of inferiority

and worthlessness. When parents constantly tell their children that they are incapable or always

wrong, the children grow up believing they are not able to do anything correctly.
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Studies show that authoritarian parenting has more negative effects than positive ones.

The negative effects experienced by children of authoritarian parents are the increased likelihood

to have low self-esteem, increased chances of depression and anxiety, and trouble maintaining

their self control. These children also tend to connect obedience and success with love, leading

them to believe they are not worthy of love if they do not achieve success or are disobedient.

Additionally, these children can sometimes display more hostile behavior toward others, and

they will often struggle in social situations. Because authoritarian parents are expecting their

children to completely obey everything, children that are raised this way usually are very good at

following rules, but they do not have self-discipline. They do not act independently, having

never been given the chance to do so in a safe environment, so they cannot learn how to set their

own limits and personal standards (Cherry).

Then there are parents who yell. Most parents are guilty of it at some point in time, but

studies show that yelling at children can make them more aggressive, physically and verbally.

Yelling in of itself no matter the situation is an expression of anger and it frightens children and

makes them feel insecure. Yelling that includes verbal putdowns and insults can be called

emotional abuse. It has been shown to have long term effect including anxiety, low self-esteem,

and increase aggression. It also makes children more susceptible to bullying (Ginta).

Then there are parents who are criminals. Children are twice as likely to display criminal

behavior. Researches shows that children who have criminal parents were 2.4 times more likely

of going into crime than children without criminal parents (“Children of Criminal Parents Have a

Greater Chance of Becoming Criminals Themselves Study.”). There have also been cases of

parents teaching their children how to break the law. For example, a juvenile named Marquese

has been in and out of the legal system for some time. He has had seven juvenile felony
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convictions that are all theft related. His mother, who is criminal, has severe substance abuse

issues. She has been in out of jail throughout his life, including when Marquese was a child, and

she taught Marquese how to steal (PBS).

After a time Marquese’s aunt gained custody over him and his siblings. She was in her

twenties and she had served time in California Youth Authority for murder. Marquese never

changed, and part of it is because he had been in such a bad environment which was all he has

known (PBS). He was obviously told what he was doing was wrong, but he continued to break

the law.

Then there is single parenting. Studies show that children who grow up with one parent

tend to dropout of high school twice as often than children with two parents (“The Consequences

of Single Motherhood”). Additionally, children with one parent are 2.5 times more likely to

become teen parents, and 1.4 times more likely to be lazy. Children with a single parent are also

more likely to have lower grade point averages, are less likely to desire to attend college, and

have poor attendance in school. When they become adults they have higher rates of divorce.

While this evidence does not show that a single family home is the only cause of high school

difficulty, poverty, and encounters with law enforcement, it does show that single parent home

are more likely to experience them (“The Consequences of Single Motherhood”). Ultimately,

children that live with a mother only tend to be more at risk.

Fatherless homes have many impacts on children. One impact on an absent father is

“Serial Dating” which females do more often, moving from guy to guy. This is to try and fill

that father figure they are missing in life. Males usually are not able to trust girls with their

feelings which can make the girls’ “daddy issues” worse. Dating older men is common for girls

to try and ease these issues. Girls sometimes get upset with guys who are not even bothering
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them. This can overextend into relationships, work relationships, and other aspects through the

girl’s life. It’s also important to mention they males can do this as well, but are less likely to

react this way (“The Effects Of Daddy Issues On Children”).

Neglect has serious and lasting effects on children. Leaving a child home alone to the

most servere cases where a child passes due to malnutrition or being denied the care he or she

requires. Children who have been neglected might go through both short-term and long-tern

effects that can last through their whole life. If a child is malnourished during the first year of

his or hers life, brain cells become weak or damaged; this can cause lowered brain function

(Child Welfare Information Gateway 2009). Neglect can seriously alter the way a child’s brain

functions. This increases the risk of depression and memory impairments later on in life.

Changes to how the brain function have also been connected to panic disorder, posttraumatic

stress disorder (PTSD) and attention deficit hyperactivity disorder (ADHD).

Poverty can also play a huge role in children’s behavior and the parents’ behavior as well.

Poverty can lead to high levels of stress. A huge desire to meet primary needs becomes the top

priority. If parents fail to meet these needs, then some of them will commit robberies, burglaries,

and other similar crimes (Ayres). Children who see their parents who do this type of behavior

learn from them. Sometimes the parents even teach their children how to rob and use different

techniques (Wade). Sometimes gang members who are grandfathers have taught their children

how to be a gang member; when these children grow up and have their own children, they teach

them how to be a gang member, and this process repeats (“Top 5 Causes Behind Youth

Crimes”).

While some people turn to gangs to meet their physical needs, other children do not feel

like they are loved by their parents or get any recognition. They want people that they feel are
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important to care about them. Most children who seek these kinds of emotional support join a

gang. This is mostly seen in poor neighborhoods. However, most gangs just use these children

so they can get what they want. Most gangs use children to commit crimes because crimes are

less serious if they are done by a child. When children want to leave gangs it's nearly

impossible. The easiest way to get out of a gang is to die (Wade).

Another common misconception children who do not feel loved sometimes have is

wanting to have a child of their own so that they will have someone to love them. This is the

worst reason to have a child. Teen mothers who think this way and have a child realize that a

baby does not show the love they crave. The babies can recognize their parents, but they need to

be taken care of. Even when they are a toddler, it is about the child not about the parent. But

these teens want something to give them that special love they did not get from their family

(Wade).

Ways to help abused children can be difficult depending on how their experience affected

them. For starters, being patient is very crucial when helping abused children. All of them have

been affected differently, and there is no one solution for all. The caregiver should model a

postive outlook when faced with an obstacle, show the child that the issue is not for long, and

things will get better. Children will learn the ability to get back and fight through the tough

situations. Letting the children know when they did something well, for example, or showing

kindness or honesty, will help build their confidence. Exhibiting support like showing love,

empathy, and support verbally and physically is important. Creating bonds with friends and

family that can help the child during certain situations. This can teach the child to consider other

people’s feelings (Child Welfare Information Gateway, 2018).

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As indicated with authoritative parenting, it is important to allow the children to express

their feelings. Teaching them how to recongize and discuss their feelings and praise them for

displaying feelings of hurt or sadness without having a tantrum is important. Showing children

that people can be trusted is important (Child Welfare Information Gateway. 2018). One of the

best ways for a parent to demonstrate that they are trust worthy is to be consistent and honest

with what they say they will do; this shows children that people can be trusted. If the parent says

they will be there, then they will be there. If the parent says they will listen, then they will listen.

Teaching children the seriousness of healthy behavior is important as well. Having open

and honest discussions about the dangers of drugs, alcohol, smoking, and sexually inappropriate

behavior is needed for children’s healthy development. Parents also need to teach the children

about why eating healthy and exercising is important (Child Welfare Information Gateway.

2018).

Unfortunately, dealing with abused children is not always going to be this clear and

straightforward. Sometimes it can be just too late for some children. Combinations of poor

parenting and environment can create situations that children just cannot overcome.

Interestingly, even if children have good parents and are raised right according to society’s

standards, being taught right from wrong, their ability to function in society is limited. Some

children still misbehave and are just mean (Friedman). For example, in one family, two of their

three children were well-behaved and respectful. The third child was one who frequently got

into fights, did not have many friends, and had a reputation for being disrespectful. A therapist

suggested that the father was not around him enough and that he was a weak role model for his

son. However, this does not explain how this family was able to raise two other children

successfully (Friedman). The best explanation is because this child was just not a nice person.
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Sometimes decent parents can produce toxic children. Sometimes children have traits that

cannot be modified by the environment, even the best psychotherapist cannot change children.

Parents should not always take all the blame or credit for how their child turns out (Friedman).

While there are genetic problems that can cause children to become “lost causes,” many

of the problems that children encounter as they grow into adulthood can be connected to the type

of parenting they receive and to the environment that they grow up in. Children who grow up in

positive, nurturing environments are more likely to be successful adults than those children who

are exposed to negative, neglectful environments.

Works Cited

Ayres, Crystal. “How Poverty Influences Crime Rates.” Vittana.org

vittana.org/how-poverty-influences-crime-rates.

Cherry, Kendra. “8 Characteristics of Authoratarian Parenting: The Effects of Authoritarian

Parenting on Children.” Very Well Mind, 04 Oct. 2018.

https://www.verywellmind.com/what-is-authoritarian-parenting-2794955

“Children of Criminal Parents Have a Greater Chance of Becoming Criminals Themselves:

Study.” Phys.org - News and Articles on Science and Technology, 9 Nov. 2017,

phys.org/news/2017-11-children-criminal-parents-greater-chance.htm

Child Welfare Information Gateway (2009) Understanding the effects of maltreatment on brain

development (PDF). Washington, D.C.: United States Department of Health and Human

Services.
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Child Welfare Information Gateway. (2018). Parenting a child who has experienced abuse or

neglect. Washington, DC: U.S. Department of Health and Human Services, Children’s

Bureau.

Friedman, Richard A. “Accepting That Good Parents May Plant Bad Seeds.” The New York

Times, The New York Times, 12 July 2010,

www.nytimes.com/2010/07/13/health/13mind.html.

Ginta, Daniela. “The Long-lasting Effects of Yelling at Kids.” Healthline, 23 March 2016,

https://www.healthline.com/health/parenting/yelling-at-

kidshttps://www.healthline.com/health/parenting/yelling-at-kids#2 - Daniela Ginta.

McGolerick, Elizabeth Weiss. “5 Parenting Styles for a New Generation.” She Knows,

13 Sept. 2011. https://www.sheknows.com/parenting/

articles/819528/5-parenting-styles-for-a-new-generation/

Navuluri, Bhavana. “Authoritative Parenting Style: Characteristics and Effects.” Mom Junction,

18 June 2017. https://www.momjunction.com/articles/

what-is-authoritative-parenting_00376548/#gref

PBS, Public Broadcasting Service,

www.pbs.org/wgbh/pages/frontline/shows/juvenile/four/marquese.html.

“The Consequences of Single Motherhood.” The American Prospect,

prospect.org/article/consequences-single-motherhood.

“The Effects Of Daddy Issues On Children.” RebelCircus.com, 28 Sept. 2018,

www.rebelcircus.com/blog/effects-daddy-issues-children/4/.

“Top 5 Causes Behind Youth Crimes.” Secureteen.com, 20 Oct. 2015,

www.secureteen.com/juvenile-delinquency
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why-teens-turn-into-criminals-finding-the-root-causes/.

Wade, Amanda. Personal Interview. 11 March 2019.