One evening, my brother and I were outside playing, when all of a sudden, my head started gushing blood.

I was about 4 years old Formatted: Width: 11", Height: 8.5"

and my brother was 7. Commented [1]: I really liked your introduction it made
me want to read more
“Why don’t you guys go play outside,” my mom suggested, “until suppers done.”
“Okay,” my brother and I agreed.
With that, we ran outside and searched for something to do.
“What do you wanna play?” Zach asked.
“I don’t know,” I shrugged.
We then walked over to a tree. Commented [2]: I loved your intro Ashleigh!!!!!!!!! It
“I have an idea,” Zach said as he climbed up a tree. really made me wan to read your story!!!!!!!

Once Zach got in the tree, he told me to hand him a couple of bricks.
“What are we going to do with these?” I asked letting out a deep breath as I handed them over one by one.
“Just wait,” he replied.
After he got the bricks in the tree, he started hammering them together, attempting to make the start of a tree house. I stood
underneath the tree, staring at the ground. Shortly after, I felt an excruciating pain in my head and I was bleeding like a faucet. The
bricks had flown out of the tree, onto my head. My brother quickly jumped out of the tree and helped me into the house.
“What happened?!” my mom exclaimed running towards me.

She took a look at my head, then ran to the kitchen for a small towel. As I stood in the dining room watching as the warm, dark red
blood ran down my face and neck, I started to freak out. I started crying even more and worrying about the amount of blood leaving
my body. After my mom had finally calmed me down, she sat me on a chair and cleaned my head. We came to the conclusion that I
wouldn’t need stitches, I could feel the back of my head throbbing, so I sat on the couch with my mom while she applied an ice pack
to my head and we waited for supper to get done.

My brother and I both learned not to play around with bricks anymore; and to this day, I still have a bump on my head where the Commented [3]: I really liked your story, your details
bricks striked. were really good!!!!
 8th Grade Narrative Writing Rubric
Iowa Core Standard Strengths Areas for Growth Coaching/ Level of Proficiency
Comments

W.8.3 Write I loved how you said Try to add more sensory
“the warm, dark red details (smell, taste,
narratives to blood” -- very hear) 3
develop real or descriptive
imagined
experiences or
events using
effective
technique, relevant
descriptive details,
and well–
structured event
sequences.

W.8.4 Produce
clear and coherent 4
writing in which the
development,
organization, and
style are
appropriate to
task, purpose, and
audience.

W.8.5 With some You were very helpful to

your peers when
guidance and editing/revising. You
support from peers strengthened your 4
and adults, writing during the
develop and process as well!
strengthen writing
as needed by
planning, revising,
editing, rewriting,
or trying a new
approach, focusing
on how well
purpose and
audience have
been addressed.

L.8.2 Demonstrate Very few corrections!

command of the
conventions of
standard English
capitalization, 4
punctuation, and
spelling when
writing.
1. Use
punctuation
(comma,
ellipsis,
dash) to
indicate a
pause or
break.
2. Use an
ellipsis to
indicate an
omission.
3. Spell
correctly.
.

L.8.3 Great usage of strong

verbs
Use knowledge of
4
language and its
conventions when
writing, speaking,
reading, or
listening.
1. Use verbs in
 the active
and passive
voice and in
the
conditional
and
subjunctive
mood to
achieve
particular
effects (e.g.,
emphasizing
the actor or
the action;
expressing
uncertainty
or describing
a state
contrary to
fact).

L.8.5 Demonstrate Loved your use of Next time, try to add a

figurative language - variety of figurative
understanding of very descriptive! language. 3
figurative
language, word
relationships, and
nuances in word
meanings.