MSND PAPER

by Ryder Cone

Submission date: 12-Apr-2019 03:04PM (UT C-0400)

Submission ID: 1111337028
File name: Midsummers_Night_Dream_Paper.docx (17.77K)
Word count: 596
Character count: 2951
 You should have a fully fleshed-out introduction, as shown in the example I put in your one note.
Please make sure, as with the poetry assignment, that you are following the rubric step-by-step.
These are unnecessary points to lose.
left aligned header

Creative Title?
A Midsummer NIGHT'S Dream
P/V

Needs a "so what" -- what is the consequence of this?

Look back at what a claim/topic sentence is supposed to do. You are too vague here.

T ense

in this quote she is saying that she doesn't want BOTTOM to leave significance?
Support wit h example
Int ro Clause
Support wit h
Personal Pronouns example
play

T ense

Frag.
her

You are assuming here but there is no evidence for this in the play.

Possessive

2
You need to give brief context.

Sp.

Run-on

T ense
What is the significance? The "so what"?

This whole paragraph is summary and contains no additional support from the text.
As a result there is no analysis. It is important that you have an argumentative thesis
to avoid this.
Topic sentence needs to
focus on relationship at
hand
T ense P/V

T ense

T ense

Prep.

Here you are

getting more to a
"so what"

Missing ","

Missing ","

Works Cited?

Ryder--we spent all of the beginning of class going over formatting, and I showed you the Purdue online writing
lab so that you could have a correctly formatted works cited page. There is no reason why you shouldn't have
this at the end of your paper.
MSND PAPER
GRADEMARK REPORT

FINAL GRADE GENERAL COMMENTS

/0 Instructor

Ryder--go through my comments are your paper

itself . You have tense issues throughout, though I
didn't mark of all them. T here are some things that
you can avoid by using spell check and making sure
you f ollow the rubric. T his has been an issue bef ore,
so it is imperative that you learn to go back to it. You
have one paragraph that has no evidence; you
always need to support your ideas with quotes to
show your reader that you are gathering evidence in
the book. It's like solving a mystery. In the game of
Clue, you can't say you've solved the crime until you
have the evidence to prove it. T he same is true f or
an argument. With the evidence, what cues your
reader into knowing that what you are saying is
relevant and true?

PAGE 1

Text Comment. You should have a f ully f leshed-out introduction, as shown in the example
I put in your one note. Please make sure, as with the poetry assignment, that you are f ollowing
the rubric step-by-step. T hese are unnecessary points to lose.

Text Comment. lef t aligned header

Text Comment. Creative T itle?

Text Comment. A Midsummer NIGHT 'S Dream

QM P/V
Passive voice:
Passive voice constructions do not tell your reader as much as the corresponding active
version would. For instance, in the phrase "it is understood," a reader cannot know who or what
is doing the understanding. A more active version requires that you tell your reader who is
perf orming the action: "Students understand." While there are rare occasions when a writer
cannot avoid the passive voice, the more inf ormative active version is almost always a better
choice. Changing passive constructions to active always makes writing more lively and
 accessible.

Text Comment. Needs a "so what" -- what is the consequence of this?

Text Comment. Look back at what a claim/topic sentence is supposed to do. You are too
vague here.

Comment 1
T his is a translation of the quote vs an analysis of its signif icance to your argument.

QM Tense
Use present tense

Text Comment. signif icance?

Text Comment. in this quote she is saying that she doesn't want BOT T OM to leave

QM Support with example

Include an example that best supports this point. Each idea needs to relate to your claim and be
supported with an example f rom the source(s).

QM Intro Clause
dependent clause so it needs a comma

QM Support with example

Include an example that best supports this point. Each idea needs to relate to your claim and be
supported with an example f rom the source(s).
Additional Comment

If you claim that she doesn't care, you need to support that with evidence f rom the text.

QM Personal Pronouns
Stay away f rom pronouns such as I, we, etc.

Text Comment. play

QM Tense
Use present tense

QM Frag.
Fragment:
A sentence f ragment is a phrase or clause that is in some way incomplete. Such f ragments
 become problematic when they attempt to stand alone as a complete sentence. T he most
common version of this mistake occurs when a writer mistakes a gerund (a verb that acts like a
noun) f or a main verb, as in the f ollowing sentence: "In bed reading Shakespeare f rom dusk to
dawn."

Text Comment. her

Compound T hese two words should be written as one compound word.

Text Comment. You are assuming here but there is no evidence f or this in the play.

P/V You have used the passive voice in this sentence. Depending upon what you wish to
emphasize in the sentence, you may want to revise it using the active voice.

Conf used You have used then in this sentence. You may need to use than instead.

QM Possessive
Possessive Error

Missing "," You may need to place a comma af ter this word.

Comment 2
T his topic sentence does not guide me into the paragraph. Make sure that your claim is specif ic
to the paragraph and also relates clearly to the thesis. You do that to an extent here, but are a
bit repetitive in doing so.

Text Comment. You need to give brief context.

QM Sp.
Spelling error

QM Run-on
Run-on sentence:
T he sentence contains two or more independent clauses. Separate the clauses with a period or
semicolon.

QM Tense
Use present tense

PAGE 2

Text Comment. What is the signif icance? T he "so what"?

 Text Comment. T his whole paragraph is summary and contains no additional support f rom
the text. As a result there is no analysis. It is important that you have an argumentative thesis to
avoid this.

Text Comment. T opic sentence needs to f ocus on relationship at hand

QM Tense
Use present tense

QM P/V
Passive voice:
Passive voice constructions do not tell your reader as much as the corresponding active
version would. For instance, in the phrase "it is understood," a reader cannot know who or what
is doing the understanding. A more active version requires that you tell your reader who is
perf orming the action: "Students understand." While there are rare occasions when a writer
cannot avoid the passive voice, the more inf ormative active version is almost always a better
choice. Changing passive constructions to active always makes writing more lively and
accessible.

QM Tense
Use present tense

QM Tense
Use present tense

QM Prep.
Incorrect preposition:
Some words must be used together with certain prepositions in order to create the meaning you
intend. For example, to yell "to" someone is dif f erent f rom yelling "at" someone. Some
conf usion results f rom words such as "compare," which usually takes the preposition "to" when
it ref ers to describing the resemblances between things that are not similar, and takes the
preposition "with" when it describes the resemblances between things that are similar.

Text Comment. Here you are getting more to a "so what"

P/V You have used the passive voice in this sentence. Depending upon what you wish to
emphasize in the sentence, you may want to revise it using the active voice.

QM Missing ","
Missing comma:
T hough it may not always be grammatically necessary, a comma can of ten help to prevent a
misreading. When a sentence opens with an introductory element (a phrase, clause or word that
is logically related to another phrase or clause in the same sentence), it is a great help to your
reader to place a comma af ter that introductory element. Such phrases will of ten begin with
words like "because," "while" or "although," as in the f ollowing example: "While everyone was
f ighting, the bear wandered away." As you can see, without the comma, the sentence would be
 conf using.

QM Missing ","
Missing comma:
T hough it may not always be grammatically necessary, a comma can of ten help to prevent a
misreading. When a sentence opens with an introductory element (a phrase, clause or word that
is logically related to another phrase or clause in the same sentence), it is a great help to your
reader to place a comma af ter that introductory element. Such phrases will of ten begin with
words like "because," "while" or "although," as in the f ollowing example: "While everyone was
f ighting, the bear wandered away." As you can see, without the comma, the sentence would be
conf using.

Text Comment. Works Cited?

Text Comment. Ryder--we spent all of the beginning of class going over f ormatting, and I
showed you the Purdue online writing lab so that you could have a correctly f ormatted works
cited page. T here is no reason why you shouldn't have this at the end of your paper.