Conciseness

 
There  are  two  ways  to  make  your  essay  more  concise,  or  shorter  and  easier  to  read.    

Large  scale  -­‐  These  can  be  used  to  shorten  or  eliminate  sentences  and  paragraphs.  

1.  Remember  your  thesis  statement.  Ask  yourself  the  same  question:  Is  this  helping  prove  my  
thesis?  Every  sentence  and  every  paragraph  must  have  a  purpose.  If  not,    

2.  Get  rid  of  sentences,  or  even  paragraphs,  that  say  the  same  thing  twice.    Ask  yourself  this  
question:  Did  I  already  say  this  before?  Saying  the  same  thing  two,  three  or  four  times  is  NOT  the  
best  way  to  add  emphasis.  Assume  your  reader  can  understand  what  you  are  writing.  Then  add  
detail  or  use  examples  for  emphasis.  

3.  Eliminate  the  obvious.  If  you  have  a  sentence  that  says:  Global  warming  is  making  the  Earth  
hotter  the  reader’s  reaction  is  going  to  be  “no  kidding?”  There  are  two  ways  to  solve  this.  Delete  
is  one.  The  other  is  to  go  back  and  add  more  information:  Global  warming  is  making  the  Earth  
hotter  by  1  degree  every  20  years.  

Small  scale  –  using  fewer  words  to  say  the  same  thing  

1. Eliminate  repetitive  pairs:  true  and  accurate;  hopes  and  dreams;  full  and  complete;  each  and  
every;  whole  entire;  always  and  forever;  and  many  others.  For  example:  The  illness  prevented  
me  from  achieving  all  my  hopes  and  dreams.  No  need  for  “hopes  and”  in  that  sentence.  Dreams  
is  enough.  
2. Change  sentences  from  passive  voice  to  active  voice.  Almost  all  sentences  in  English  are  
stronger  in  active  voice.  The  subject  is  usually  the  most  important  thing  in  the  sentence  and  
should  be  identified  first.  It  is  a  more  direct  way  of  giving  information.  The  formation  of  the  
passive  voice,  with  using  the  “to  be  verb+participle+by”  format  is  more  complex.  
3. Many  adverbs,  especially  qualifiers,  can  go.  No  need  to  say:  He  ran  quickly  to  the  store.  
Running  is  usually  quick.  He  ran  to  the  store  is  enough,  especially  in  academic  writing.  A  list  of  
qualifiers  that  are  rarely  necessary:  actually,  really,  basically,  probably,  very,  definitely,  
somewhat,  kind  of,  extremely,  practically  
4. Reduce  prepositional  phrases.  Don’t  eliminate  them,  but  too  many  get  in  the  way.  These  are  
phrases  that  begin  with  “in,  over,  through,  on,  for,  at.”  If  you  can  take  it  out  and  the  sentence  
doesn’t  change  its  meaning,  ask  yourself  if  you  really  need  it.        
5. Express  negative  ideas  as  positive  ones.  This  is  not  a  philosophical  argument  –  for  whatever  
reason  in  English  we  often  use  two  extra  words  for  negatives.  
6. Removing  “it  is”  “it  has”  or  “this  is  because”  in  the  middle  of  sentences  or  at  the  beginning  of  
sentences.  Often  you  can  just  combine  two  sentences.  For  example:  Popayan  is  a  beautiful  city.  
This  is  because  it  has  many  wonderful  churches  can  be  changed  to  Popayan  is  a  beautiful  city  
because  of  its  many  wonderful  churches.    

 
Exercise  1:  Replace  the  following  with  a  single  word.  

• A  large  number  of   • End  result  

• Despite  the  fact  that   • At  this  point  in  time  
• Personal  opinion   • Compare  and  contrast  
• Each  and  every   • At  an  early  time  
• Has  the  opportunity  to   • In  a  case  in  which  
 
Exercise  2:  Circle  the  unnecessary  words  in  the  following  sentences.  
1. The  bank  must  first  establish  that  the  customer  is  undoubtedly  bankrupt.  
2. Our  main  role  is  to  raise  money  by  way  of  donations  in  order  to  fund  the  works  of  these  
charities.  
3. Professor  Smith  was  picked  by  each  and  every  person  on  the  committee.  
4. As  a  matter  of  fact,  Pleasantville  has  a  strong  position  in  the  forestry  industry.  
5. The  student  needs  to  obtain  high  marks  in  science  in  order  to  study  medicine.  
6. The  manager  will,  insofar  as  is  possible,  make  sure  that  the  information  is  true  and  accurate.  
7. We  will  send  out  brochures  to  the  general  public.  
8. You  must  be  willing  to  challenge  yourself  in  order  to  get  the  most  out  of  your  education  at  
university.  
 
Exercise  3:  Make  the  following  sentences  more  concise  without  removing  any  information.  
1. We  are  working  hard  so  the  poor  are  given  the  basic  essentials  to  lift  themselves  out  of  poverty.  
2. He  should  make  contact  with  us  for  help  with  his  future  plans  prior  to  the  start  of  the  semester.  
3. It  is  apparent  that  the  tragedy  could  have  been  avoided  if  the  company  had  talked  to  workers  
regarding  hazards  which  existed  in  the  workplace.  
4. The  total  population  of  the  island  is  12,046  with  the  future  possibility  of  5%  growth  by  2012.  
5. A  commerce  graduate  can  leverage  knowledge  they  have  acquired  in  their  coursework  and  
apply  it  to  the  real  world.  
 
Exercise  4:  Make  the  paragraphs  more  concise  without  removing  any  information.  
1. As  of  4  August,  students  will  be  selected  using  processes  which  have  been  created  in  
accordance  with  legal  requirements.  These  processes  will  be  used  along  with  our  
diversity  strategy  and  all  of  its  relevant  policies  about  student  selection.  
2. The  Passport  Office  is  replacing  free  of  charge  until  the  dates  specified  any  current  passport  
lost,  damaged  or  destroyed  as  a  result  of  the  recent  floods.  Eligible  applicants  should  
contact  the  Passport  Information  Service  (PIS)  on  998  9988  for  further  information.  
3. If  an  agency  or  organization  breaches  the  privacy  principles,  our  office  may  investigate  the  
matter.  Individuals  can  also  make  a  privacy  complaint  to  us  about  an  agency  or  
organization  if  they  think  their  information  has  been  mishandled.