BROKEN BUT NOT SHAKEN

Copyright © 2018 Winnifred Ene Odeh

All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced
without the prior permission of the author.
Published at: Gracealone Media House, Abuja, Nigeria
gracealonemedia@gmail.com +2348133996395
 ACKNOWLEDGEMENT

Everything I accomplish in life is a product of the people who have

contributed to what I have done and who I have become.

I'm grateful to God who has been my strength from the onset and my
inspiration to start writing.

I will be selfish if I don't acknowledge the presence of my best and

closest companion (I lack words to describe how much you mean to
me) my sweet Holy spirit, He is the brain behind Winnie.

To my parents Mr. Fredrick and Mrs. Juliet Odeh, thanks for your
support. God bless you.

To my siblings, thanks for your Love ,understanding and patience.

To Bishop Joseph Ayikoye thanks for been my spiritual father and

Friend. Your words of wisdom has been my light.

To Pastor Christopher Oseni Obafemi , Thank for your fatherly care

and guiding me through your rare and intentional mentorship. You
have been a source of strength and encouragement to me.

To Chapel of Love University of Abuja Chapter thanks for been a

home for me.

To my friends, Aisha Abdullahi, Temitope Ogbaro,Funmilayo Betiku

thanks for the friendship we share, I appreciate and celebrate you
guys.

To my Cousin Adams Okloho thanks for always been there. I

appreciate you.

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 DEDICATION

I dedicate this book to both ladies and men who have been broken
either in relationships or life issues but have stood to make a life
despite all. You have proven to be broken but not shaken.

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 BROKEN BUT NOT SHAKEN
He told me he loved me. He told me I was the one. He told me I was
different. He even said I was the answer to his prayers. He said he
will do anything to keep us. He said nothing will break this beautiful
love we had. I gave him everything (all of me) and he still left me, like
he didn't remember all he had promised. He gave me excuses each
time I asked for help on my passion or looked forward to hearing
those wonderful words of encouragement from him but instead, I
hear one reason why he can't check my work or assist with it. He
made me think, at times, that he wasn't happy for me or didn't care
about what I do. Anyway it was my passion, not his. I wasn't perfect
but I was a good girlfriend. I cared for him. I went out of my way to
make him happy. I even put my friends and happiness aside for his. I
also put away my priorities for him because seeing him happy or
smile became my priority. I was worried that if I wasn't always there
for him, he would leave me but so wrong was I because he left me
anyway.

So many ladies have this complaint about their men. Of how they
have showed care and affection but the relationship they were trying
to keep, to make happen at all cost still went down the drain.
Relationship can fail as a result of many issues but most importantly,
when the journey is not defined. You might likely have such
complaints. To many relationships there was no proposal or no
formal agreement. Like I said earlier, the reasons for heartbreak in
relationships could be any of the below:

1. Discovery of Purpose.

This is the first thing that must happen to you before you talk of
relationship/marriage. You must have discovered your purpose of
existences.

Your purpose is simply the reason why you were created. Nobody
was created for nothing.

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It's the discovery of purpose that helps you to identify who can go
the journey of relationship/marriage with you. Not everyone can be
your spouse but if you've not discovered your purpose, you will fall
for anyone that comes close because you don't know who you are or
who should accompany you in the fulfilment of destiny.

The big question is:

Have you discovered your purpose in life?

If no, you don't need a relationship for now. Believe me.

Before God brought Eve to Adam, He first gave him an assignment to

guard the garden and also dominate the works of his creation.

God gave Adam an assignment before he brought a woman. That's

the order. You must know your assignment in life first.

But why?

Well, if you don't know where you're going, there's every possibility
you will carry anybody along. Discovery of purpose helps you to
define who will fit into your destiny and who will not.

For instance, it will be difficult though not impossible, for a preacher

and a politician to blend.

Now, check this out.

Adam was given an assignment then, a help meet to help with the
assignment. If the assignment is not known, you don't need a help
meet. What will she help you with, if she comes?

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There are ministries that died because the man or woman got
married to the wrong person. Some assignment and fire have been
swallowed up for getting married to the wrong person.

Some ladies with international ministries have ended their ministries

in the kitchen for getting married to the wrong guy who silenced her
voice and blinded her vision. It all starts with relationship.

Who you marry has a lot to do with your destiny. You can experience
hell while on earth if you marry the wrong person.

Purpose helps you to differentiate between who has vision and who
doesn't. While some ladies are after television, the wise ones are
after vision.

What are you created for?

Please find out before its too late.

Don't get married to mad man in human flesh. Don't get married to
wicked woman in the guise of a wife material.

It was purpose that helped Adam to discover that a lion or tortoise

could not be his help meet. He called lion, lion not Eve.

Without discovery of purpose, an elephant can get married to an ant.

Purpose defines priority and eliminates alternatives.

Purpose defines your limits and boundaries.

You may attract the wrong partner when you don't know your
purpose.

Finally, marry for where you're going not where you are!

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Technology has made it so easy for many of us who haven't discover
our purpose to register for online classes conducted by great
personnel who are passionate about helping you and me discover
our true self and what we are created for.

Mute Efe and Olatunji Emmanuel are men I know for sure are
passionate about helping both young and old to discover their
purposes.

2. Venturing into relationship without knowing what

we really want:

So many young people want to be in a relationship because their

friends are in a relationship forgetting that if the journey is not
known ,you may have to stop at the road to know where you are
going and then seek direction.

3. Mistaking Lust for Love:

Some many teenagers are victims of this, having been made to

understand that sex is love. What a misunderstood concepts! Love
and Lust are two different words with different meaning. I have
explained Love in details as you read along.

4. Inability to differentiate a Gardener from an

Hunter:

Truly, my dear teens and youth, there are wolves in sheep clothing.
We all know who a Gardener and a hunter is. But I won't assume we
do; hence, I will explain them.

A Gardener is a person who cultivates a garden. He tends to water

and weed the garden daily. We can as well say he takes care of the
garden. A gardener picks up a dirty looking seed and turns it into an
admirable flower or plant.

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A hunter kills animals for the purpose of meat. As beautiful and fat
as the animal may be, it is just for meat. That is exactly what some
young men do to most ladies of these days. They will destroy them
beyond use again. So you must be aware of the type of man you are
in a relationship with.

5. Our character:

Character could be a reason for the heartbreak. Some young people

don't know where and when to talk or not to. I explained this more
in my book titled "WHEN DO I SAY". As you read on, you would come
across some brief and interesting examples below as you continue to
read. Some people don't know how to apologize when they go
wrong or even for the sake of peace or even the act of gratitude
when given a present or done a favour.

6. God:

The first thing I want you to know is that God desires your
relationship/marriage more than you do but He has put conditions in
place to ensure your safety and bliss forever.

Not all relationship is a yes from God. As long as he says I love you
and he is handsome, or even goes to church, some ladies think he is
good to go for them. Before venturing into any relationship, we must
seek the consent of God. He knows everything and is always there
for you.

Sometimes for men, it isn't just about the beauty, the class and the
charisma; men also notice some other things which define a lady and
when they notice the negative ones, they might bail out of the
relationship quick enough.

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 WHAT DO YOU THINK COULD MAKE A GUY LOSE
INTEREST IN HAVING A RELATIONSHIP WITH YOU?

BEING A PERFECTIONIST

Is there such thing as a perfect guy? I doubt it. Putting pressure on a

guy to be perfect can make him feel that you don't value him the way
he is. Also, claiming to be perfect and demanding perfection in every
aspect of the relationship would make it extremely difficult for a man
to have a relationship with you. With a lady that's a perfectionist,
there is little or no room for mistakes and this would put pressure on
him.

PLACING OTHER THINGS ABOVE THE RELATIONSHIP

When a man notices that you prioritize other things above the
relationship, he would be scared of having a committed one with
you. Even if he stays in the relationship, he would be scared of
pushing such a relationship further.

BEING UNAPPROACHABLE

Its possible to have lots of admirers but there will be no real lover if
you have an unapproachable attitude. Some ladies unknowingly have
this unapproachable body language which they unconsciously let
out; such a body language would definitely scare men away.

BEING TOO DEMANDING

Some ladies have this overly demanding attitude, not only in money-
related things but so many other aspects of the relationship as well.
When you demand everything from him but give little to nothing in
return, then, he could get scared of having a relationship with you.

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BEING POSSESSIVE: TAKING CONTROL

Some women unknowingly or knowingly want to take control of the

relationship; they set the rules, they determine what's right and they
tend to force their words on the man. To this kind of women, it's
either their will or their will.

Not many would want to have a relationship with this kind of

women. This controlling attitude would definitely scare a lot of men.

BEING TOO ARGUMENTATIVE

Some women love to win an argument at all times and this kind of
women are very confrontational. Men detest such attitudes as this.

HAVING BAD HABITS

A lot of men admire a lady from afar only to get to know her better
and observe that she has many bad habits. A bad habit, like being
unhygienic, can send many men away from having a relationship with
you, even the right one.

Sometimes, you might have the good looks and everything going on
well for you, but find relationships unsuccessful, and before you
know it, many of your relationships end before it even starts. When
this happens continually, don't think too far, it might not go beyond
one of these tips.

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 WHAT LOVE IS;
So many of us don't know the definition of Love and thus the word
has been misused and abused. As a young lady, you should know
when a man loves you and when he is just out to play games with
your emotions. "I love you" is not the same as "I like you". One is
conditional and the other is unconditional.

Young men, you should be able to differentiate between Love and

Infatuation. You should know how to express yourself, your feelings.
You shouldn't let the feelings of now lead you to destroy someone
else's life. Know the difference.

When you say you love somebody, what do you mean? I am asking
not for you to tell me your answer but for us to strike a balance and
check whether it be true or not. You cannot just love to go into a
romantic relationship with someone you don't know; whom you
don't even know his or her character. Please understand that.

You can't jump at someone you have no idea of his or her flaws. You
may like him or her. You can be attracted to him or her but you
cannot just love someone whose assets and liabilities you can't
define or explain.

Don't also forget that like and attraction are attached to a reason.
What do I mean? Before I say 'l like you', there must be a reason for
me to like you. It could be your hair, your smiles, your stature, etc.
My point here is, attraction and likeness come with a reason. In the
case of love, it is not so; because love doesn't stop at an emotion. It
is a CHOICE.

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The most reason we have heartbreak is due to the fact that the guy
or lady discovered that there are some liabilities that he or she is not
willing to be responsible for; hence, he or she turns his back and walk
away. But the mystery is that he'd definitely liked you when your
make up was intact. He liked you when your colour was just perfect
to show off to friends. He liked you when your hair was long. And he
gave those wonderful comments that made you smile and you
thought you'd never heard them before. But mentally his memories
where corrupted he thought he loved you but he liked you.

But the truth is that all those were based on the emotions he felt
when he first had an encounter with you. But when the vapour of
emotions begin to sublime and change like weather. When the scales
begin to fall off, You will realize he no longer picks your calls or reply
your text messages. You just observed that his distance from you is
getting stronger. You may never know that it's your attitude that has
sent him off your side. Besides, he may have different issues he is
facing with his family or supervisors.

Knowing the definition of Love is the key to stopping heartbreak.

Love is a responsibility. Love is a choice. Love is much more about
giving, not what you will get in return. Love is not exploitative. It
doesn't try to manipulate the other partner. Love does not try to take
the dignity and pride out of that person. Love doesn't cheat the
partner no matter how little. Some people cheat the partners they
claim to love so much, either in money or ideas.

Some ladies have lost their dignity to some persons because at some
points, they were told or made to believe that they were loved. Love
does not steal from the other person. Love is patient. How is it
patient? It is because when it comes to emotions (sex urges), it is
willing to wait for the right time. Love is gentle. Sex is worth waiting
for.

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Ladies please don't marry a man who can't control below the belt
department. No matter how your urges, zip up always. The truth is
we have the ability to manage everything God has given us. Your
emotions are to be controlled. It is not everyday married people have
sex, so they control themselves as well. Stop rebuking your emotions
and get real.

When it comes to emotions, don't be spiritual, learn self-control.

Joseph in the Bible didn't bind, he fled. If that man loves you, he will
wait no matter the timing. If he loves you, he will make himself
deserve you. How will he make himself deserve you? He will pass
through all the hurdles and rugose; he will pass through all he needs
to pass through for him to be responsible enough to go to your
parents and say I am ready to take your daughter into a house, and
not just a house but a home.

I cannot understand love that ends after four rounds of sex. I am

saying this because I want you to create or build a profile in your
heart. Don't act like a novice when someone says 'I love you', don't
just blush like you've never heard the word before. Your response
should be, “I'm watching" because you believe the person will begin
to prove the love he meant as he begins to know you. But most times
as he begins to know you, he may take steps backward, why? He
thought he loved you in the first place but if your character may be
too cruel to cope with. So you also need to put that into check. And
you men that will open your mouth to say I love you please be sure it
is not mere talk.

Some young men need to tell themselves, COOPERATE. Ladies needs

to COOPERATE too.

You are not a dustbin for someone who can't control his emotional
excesses.

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Let me also state that you don't know what love is or you never truly
love your man or woman. The truth is, for every action, there is a
reason but love exclusive because whether in worst or best
condition, you are with the person, not just for what you will get in
return in that relationship but because his/her weakness accepts
yours.

You may wonder why I said you didn't truly love your partner, didn't I
hear all you said you did for him or her and how painfully you paid
back? I see your tears and feel your pain but the reason for my
statement or accusations is that if you had truly loved him or her
from your inside and things didn't end well. It is very painful because
love is to be reciprocated, and only one person cannot make it work
but you shouldn't go about telling what you have done right and
what he did wrong. Even after hurt, love still remains.

You have a way of covering his or her flaws without lying. Love keeps
no record of evil done. You don't count what you have done for your
partner as well. Love is about giving and sacrifices.

"It's so dumb, I don't know why I still care. I check his Facebook,
WhatsApp and Instagram just to know his last seen; if he is okay. I
keep scrolling and I know I shouldn't but I still do care..."

I hear this often from ladies and guys after breakup and they still care
and keep constant check on their exes. I will say this to us, we feel
terribly bad after breakup from a relationship that we have invested
so much in. In most cases, we even attempt suicide. We get real bad
that we do crazy things we normally won't. Yes, you are right to cry
out your eyes, to starve yourself for days, to lock yourself up for days
not wanting to talk to anyone about it. You are right to get angry and
I mean really angry. Those emotions are normal; they happen in
most cases. But lovely, not for so long. We ask the questions that
even we ourselves don't have, and may not get the appropriate
answers to satisfy that questionable desire that will end the whole
anger that boils in us.

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In some cases, even after breakup, we get real mad at ourselves for
still caring and remembering those beautiful moments together. You
know how memories play funny games with us; when we remember
those moments we cried together, we often give that cute smile on
our face or laugh; whereas, remembering those moments when we
laughed together, we cry our heart out like it was yesterday. Don't
call yourself weak or stupid for being emotional. Sometimes, you
wish things could be normal again between the two of you no matter
who was at fault or who offended.

Before wishing reconciliation ask yourself these questions:

1. Will my health be intact if I continue in the relationship and

something like this reoccur?

2. Do I deserve to be endured or celebrated?

3. What will I do if something worse happens?

Most times, because of some pressure that we feel from family,

friends and society, we just want to be involved whether we are
happy or not. I ask myself why we have so many relationship experts,
so many relationship seminars here and there, so many materials on
relationship yet the problems seem unsolved? Instead of solution, it
is one problem or the other from relationships.

The funny thing is that these problems are not new; they have either
happened to someone close to us or we must have heard of them
with our normal response of, "it can't happen to me or it can't even
be me, or I'm not that foolish to be used by anyone." But funny as it
is, it did happened and we are in the same mess as that person or
those people. I have learnt in life that you don't say it can't happen
to you because life has a funny way of proving us wrong in most
cases.

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Back to the discussion.

Why the breakup?

Why the pain?

What did I do wrong?

The questions can go on and on without really getting satisfactory

answers. But I can tell you what to do to move on; how to help you
become better than you were before the relationship. I can help you
become a new you.

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 THE BITTER TRUTH
You know what, genuinely, I think this is really the time when you
need to start focusing on yourself. That relationship was draining so
much of your energy, taking so much of your focus. You put your
faith, career, school, work and even friends aside, thereby, losing
yourselves in that relationship. I think this is the time to really find
yourself again. Let go of your need to control things, to make them
happen exactly as you dreamed or imagined.

Just know that life always works out perfectly: if not now then later;
if not that then something better. What you really need is some
patience and blind faith and a mental clean slate because you cannot
create healing with the same mind that got you sick in the first place.
Therefore, let go of the painful stories from your past that you have
been holding on to so tightly and allow yourself the pleasure of
writing a new story for your future—knowing that although you
cannot control the experiences life brings to you, you are always in
control of how you choose to tell your story and react.

You need to take a moment, relax, take a step back, press pause,
reflect and use this as a period in your life where you can reinvest in
your own happiness, your own fulfilment. Ask yourself questions
like:

1. What is it that I'm really passionate about?

2. What am I excited about?

3. What is it that really fuels and drives me?

4. Why am I passionate about it?

5. How can I bring this passion of mine to reality?

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And when you start from there, you will find that you won't be
looking for someone else to fill those gaps as some of us do and
enter another terrible relationship. One of the things that I really
want you to remember is that, it's not about being with someone
who makes you happy. It's about being someone who makes you
happy. Hope you understand that?

Be the person who makes you happy not another man or woman.
Start focusing on yourself, take care of your health that was almost, if
not, in danger because of emotional trauma. Spend quality time with
friends who really care and believe in you. Have some time alone
because you really did missed those beautiful moments while in that
toxic relationship. Enjoy the fresh breeze that nature has to offer,
admire the birds that sing sweetly on the trees.

Be an achiever again. Set goals for yourself and focus on achieving it.
Love yourself so much that you are growing in passion. Read books
to increase you intellectually and talk constantly to God. You will see
that when he or she notices that you are not as weak as they
thought, instead, you are making process in your career, he will or
might want to come back because most exes, if not all, always do.

However, don't be fooled to go back to the one who treated you like
a nobody, who disrespected and mostly broke all those promises
made to you.

With a big smile on that beautiful face, tell him or her that you are
better than you met him. That the painful lessons he or she wrote
down in your heart were properly learned and those were what
made you stronger.

The truth is that he or she was initially not interested in courting you.
It is that simple. You may think it is complicated but it isn't. Don't
make excuses for him or her to come back on seeing how he or she
responds to the changed and better you. You can never be too busy
for the one you love and want to make your spouse. No matter how
tight your schedules are, you will always make out time.

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Don't let depression or pressure from anybody make any man call
you desperate. Don't even let him touch, talk more of having sex
with you; because in the long run, you will become a dustbin of such
man's emotions.

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THIS IS THE WAY OUT

You need a man who wants to be with you. The man who may be
nervous about the first call but picks up the phone and calls you. The
man who will take you out, not to his bed but the alter, and wants to
learn more about you. Love is far more than sex. Relationship is not
all about sex. He will know who you are first before choosing to love
you for life. Even if not all about you, at least he knows your liabilities
and is ready to deal with them for life. Don't settle for less.

BELIEVE THIS: YOU WILL BE HAPPY AGAIN

If you were cheated, left for no good reason, brokenhearted by that

person who was your everything, who taught you what love is, who
cared for, who meant the world to you, don't feel so low because you
are not alone. Cry as much as you can, but when you are done, ask
yourself these few questions.

1. Why did I cry?

2. Was I meant to cry if he or she was the right person for me?

3. Why did he or she make me cry and even left me for no good
reason?

4. Do I worth this?

5. Does he or she fail to sleep and eat just like me, or is he or she is
rather out there having fun with other new people?

6. Is that person stressed like me?

7. Does he or she feel any pain like I do?

8. Does that person miss me at all?

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After answering all those questions, get down on your knee and pray
to God to make you strong and help you to find someone who will
love you genuinely with no limitations, pretence, or peer pressure.
Someone who will be faithful and honest to you; who will care about
you and be serious with you; who won't be after your body or
money. Trust me, God will help you find someone who will ease away
all the pain in your heart; the person who will appreciate everything
about you; someone who will sacrifice for you without complaining
and appreciate your love and care.

So for now, stop calling, texting, pleading and crying for your ex
because it's a time wasting thing. Just live your life. You will find
someone who is worthy of your heart. A wise man once told me that
if things go the way you want, it's good but if it doesn't, it's even
better because it is the will of God.

Don't rush to fall in love again; give yourself TIME. Know yourself
better. Enjoy the stress-free single life as you prepare for someone
better in your life who will protect you and pray for you always. You
will definitely be happy again one day. May God help you in finding
the right partner.

The reason we go through heartaches sometimes is because we

haven't learnt to let go. After the break up, we are still bent on
making things work despite being told to go our way. Dear beloved,
LEARN TO LET THEM GO. I wrote an article on this sometimes last
year. Many of us need to know where to quit.

• Never feel as if the world is coming to an end when someone

decides to walk away from you. LET THEM GO.

• Trying to force somebody to love you is like trying to teach a pig

how to appreciate beauty and cleanliness. Don't force them, let them
love you and if they can't, LET THEM GO.

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• You are too precious to beg for love. A person who truly loves you
will respect you and not treat you like trash. If such person treats you
like trash, LET HIM OR HER GO.

• Don't waste your valuable time trying to convince or beg anyone to

love you. Someone out there is sinking deeply in love with you, but
you are too damn busy chasing broken dreams. WHY? LET THEM GO.

• Never be sad if someone prefers another over you. It's always

difficult to convince a MONKEY that strawberry is sweeter than
banana. LET THEM GO.

• Any man/woman who takes you for granted will eventually take
advantage of you. Don't persevere, just LET THEM GO.

• There are people who will never love you no matter how much love
you show them, and that’s okay. Their rejection doesn’t mean there
is something wrong with you, it simply means they are not meant for
you. Don't force a circle shape into a triangle, just LET THEM GO.

TAKE HOME THOUGHTS.

• You can’t change anyone’s opinion about you, but you can prevent
their opinions from changing you.

• Let your head lead your heart out of a toxic relationship. LEARN TO
LET GO. If something is meant to be, it will be.

Those who deserve you will value you. To love or to be loved is not
by force, it's determined by the heart. Don't compromise just to have
him or her. If he or she truly loves you, he or she will prove it.

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Love is beautiful, It's an affection. You deserve the best in life. While
some of us really want to get over the past but it seems impossible
and the more we try to get it out of our lives, the more they keep
coming. Here are some steps I drafted out; I hope they work for you
as you put them to practice.

WAYS TO GET OVER YOUR EX

The truth is bitter and sometimes difficult, but it is the best if said.

1. ACCEPT THE FACT THAT IT IS OVER:

Denial doesn't solve anything. If you've done your best to fix it but to
no avail, just let it go. Don't forget the words of the wise man who
that if things go your way it is good but if it doesn't, it's even better
because it is the will of God.

2. BE HONEST WITH YOUR EMOTIONS:

If you need to cry it out, do so. Or maybe you need to head to the
gym and find an available punching bag. Just let it out. Talk to a
trusted person. If possible, talk to your mirror. Whichever way, just
let your emotions out. Don't claim tough. Men cry too.

3. STOP KEEPING TABS ON YOUR EX:

Stop stalking him or her on social media. You can't get over your ex if
you haven't removed them fully from your life. I'm not denying the
fact that the urge will be there to do so. But don't. You won't heal
that way. It will spoil your mood and make you unhappy.

4. DON'T TRY TO BE FRIENDS:

The easiest and healthiest way to get over someone is to initiate

clear boundaries. Intentional space can certainly make getting over
an ex easier.

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5. FILL THAT TIME YOU WOULD SPEND WITH THE EX WITH THOSE
WHO LOVE YOU AND WANT THE BEST FOR YOU:

Catch up with the people you may have neglected when you were
head over heels and distracted. Be happy again. Like I stated before,
hang out with friends.

6. DON'T ASK FOR YOUR STUFF BACK:

Leave no lingering reminders or memory triggers of what was once

yours. Stop listing what you did for him or her. It brings back
memories that will hurt you.

7. STOP ANALYSING AND REGRETTING:

If you initiated the breakup, don't let yourself second-guess it. Stop
looking for reasons and explanations, and learn to accept the finality
of the breakup.

8. TAKE ADVANTAGE OF YOUR NEW FREEDOM:

Enjoy a few more girls' night out or guys' night out; take a class;
spend more time with family. Evaluate what your dreams, priorities
and bucket-list items are and start chasing them. Please I didn't
mention that you should start flirting around with men or women in
order to get back at your ex.

9. GIVE YOURSELF TIME AND SPACE:

Understand that getting over a relationship can take a lot of time.

Give yourself permission to heal slowly, one day at a time. Be gentle
with yourself.

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10. STAY SINGLE FOR A WHILE:

Even if your instinct is to bounce back with someone new in your life,
choose to remain single until the edges of bitterness, anger and
sadness soften. Give the next guy or girl a fair shot at being "the
one".

Breakup in relationships can be very painful and sometimes, we feel

that no one will love us like that or even more than that, and then we
decide to end our lives. Some end up in psychiatric homes. It is true
that breakups are very painful but we shouldn't decide the earth
penalty because of that.

Breakup is not the end of your life and certainly not the end of the
world. There are many others who secretly love you and are praying
to have you. It didn't work out because they are not for you. I
personally don't believe in the "she snatched my man" or "he took
my woman" story. If they were truly yours, they won't allow
themselves to be snatched in the first place.

We have been discussing about how to overcome heartbreak, how

hurtful heart break can be, how to be better but really it will be
unfair of me if I don't also talk about this:

A lot of girls complain that guys walk away from them simply because
they refused giving them sex. Some are even tempted to give away
their virginity just to keep the guy. Wrong move.

Even after giving him your virginity, he still left and boom...you are
heartbroken. It is more painful and you feel use.

Let me be very blunt here; virginity may not be the real reason why
those guys left; although, there are several guys who want sex, and if
they don't get it, they walk away. The problem may not be the
virginity or the sex.

22
The story of the Ten Virgins in the Bible reveals that both the wise
and the foolish were virgins; the other five were not allowed seeing
the bridegroom not because they weren't virgins or because they
lost their virginity; but because they were foolish. They were called
foolish because they had no EXTRA OIL. And the extra oil here is
CHARACTER.

Do you have good CHARACTERS?

Most girls do not have extra oil to sustain any relationship, while
many brag about their virginity. That's all they have to offer. Virginity
is very important, but aside your virginity, what do you have to offer
to the man?

- Can you support him spiritually?

- Can you support him physically?

- How about mentally? Etc.

All you do is demand money for bags, shoes, clothes, and outings;
making him spend unnecessarily.

Have you ever sat him down, and joined him to plan his future rather
than jumping from one club to another?

Has he ever seen you as someone he can confide in?

How many times has he come to you in a state of dilemma to seek
advice?

And for the virgins, they forget that virginity ends after the wedding,
but EXTRA OIL continues. Like it was stated at the beginning of the
book—nobody is perfect and we all have our wrong sides; but try to
be a partner that the other will always regret losing for the rest of his
or her life. Be that woman or man whom your man or woman can
never afford to lose to another man.

23
Build your man or woman to your taste. And stop looking for a ready-
made husband or wife. The other side is: force yourself on that rich
man who you didn't struggle or hustle with to achieve what he has
and hear the story of your life from him one day.

One day you will hear words like: "Did you work with me to achieve
all I've got? Ever since you've entered this house, what have you
added to what you met?“

There's just nothing as best as starting up with your man; you will
forever earn his respect.

My mom told me sometimes ago that it is not bad to marry a rich

man but it is best if you build with him. Even if he was rich already
before you met him, add to the richness, make him richer.

I hope the piece of advice in this handbook is useful to all singles and
married.

24
Appendix

25
 Reviews From Previous Book
My Review Of The BOOK "WHEN DO I SAY YES?"
BY WINNIE ODEH.
No doubt, "Great mind produce great things."
"When Do I Say Yes" is a book that answers the
question of the youths and teens of this
generation.
After reading the book, I was amazed at its
simplicity and the use of practical examples to
illustrate the inextricable web of uncertain
relationship that so many young adults have
ventured into, in the name of pleasure and
feeling among.
No gainsaying the fact that premarital sex
remains a major issue and challenge that so
many youths and teens are grappling with.
My beloved sister and friend (Winnie) has been directed by the Holy
Spirit to answer this question and many more questions that our
generation have been asking. I have recommended this book to
many of my friends and still recommending it as it is undoubtedly a
masterpiece. I must confess that the climax of this book for me are
the levels of maturity that you must attain before you say yes to that
guy (for ladies) or lady (for young men).
God bless Sister Winnie for this timely masterpiece.
#WMI.
Keep making impact, dear.
Sam Afolabi
(LL. b 5)
Faculty of Law
University of Abuja
(Former NIFES president)

26
 Review Of The Book "WHEN DO I SAY YES?"
BY WINNIE ODEH.
From Ezeankwe Kingsley in Lagos State.
In a few words, as Winnie puts it, SEX IS
WORTH WAITING FOR. It's not something
you experiment with. You need to be:
▪ Spiritually ready (the sensitivity to hear
God's voice when He speaks.)
▪Emotionally ready (the display of Maturity in
handling situations, attitudinal flaws, etc.)
▪Morally ready (readiness to contribute
mutually in a relationship.)
▪Sexually ready (the practice of discipline and
self control.)

Review Of The Book "WHEN DO I SAY

YES?" BY WINNIE ODEH.
My name is Esther ldowu from Ogun
State.
It's really educating, and the story at the
beginning is something most girls can
relate with. Falling into the wrong hands
and chasing love where it's not. While
reading it, I told myself that if I had
actually read a book like this some couple
of years ago, maybe I wouldn't have
made some of the mistakes I made back
then. And I encourage other girls out
there to read it. Thumbs up

27
 Review Of The Book “I WISH I WAS BORN"
BY WINNIE ODEH.
My literary criticism /studies thus far, having
flipped through the pages, I saw some
noteworthy nuggets of what the series is all
about.
As the title implies, 'I WISH I WAS BORN',
talks more of a child's desire to be born to
the world knowing that he has a great future
and destiny to fulfil; but for some
meaningless reasons, some people who
never wanted it so, girdle up in search of a
way to terminate the innocent child. So often
than not, many see this evil scheme as a way
of escaping unwanted child but in a blank page they're destroying
the child.
What I particularly like about the book is the strong and powerful
content it conveyed especially in the page three where it
emphasizes more of the book title. After the intensive marathon
and struggles against millions of other racing sperms to win, some
heartless humans still decided to thwart the glorious child from
being born. How do they expect God to be happy with or even
forgive them?
In summary:
I WISH I WAS BORN, is centered around the agony the unborn
(foetus) felt while in the womb not to be wasted or aborted by
some harlot or women who cannot tame their sexual desire/urge.
These ones end up been impregnated by some guys who never had
a plan of what tomorrow is like.
Millions of children who wish their voices could be heard are victims
of this act but are not heard because the inner minds of many
human have been blocked .

28
Rating on sleek 10/10. I really can't love you less, dear; your words are
mind-blowing and awe-inspiring. God will continue to lift and brace
you up with more intellect which supersedes all human
understanding.
I must confess, I'm so blessed with every single notable words,
nuggets inserted in the write-up. Your well of wisdom will never run
dry.
GABRIEL A. ADENIYI
ABUJA.

Review Of The Book “I WISH I WAS BORN"

BY WINNIE ODEH.
A very touching book that throws more light
on the emotions felt by the child aborted. A
lot of times, they call them foetus, neglecting
the fact that these babies have life.
It's a book that expresses the inept feeling of
the unborn child, and advocates for the
voiceless voice of the foetus as they call it.
God bless the writer for this insight that
could have only been spiritually inspired.
FUNMILAYO MARIA BETIKU
GWAGWALADA, ABUJA.

29
READ OTHER ARTICLES
BY WINNIFRED ODEH

30
 "I WANT TO MARRY YOU..."
When it comes to proposing to ladies, some men are complete
failures! Their request is sure to get a big, capital NO and they are
everything a lady wants to forget with speed.

Don't be daft when it comes to approaching ladies. Some guys just

have very low social intelligence. Winning a lady's heart is simple if
you know how to play your game but if not, you will stay single for a
long long time.

Never jump on a lady and slap her in the face with a marriage
proposal and expect her to scream YES into your ear drum! Study
that lady from afar first. If there is a lady you like, from a little
distance, begin to study her.

What's her temperament? How does she relate with people? Is she
friendly? Does she have good character? Is she sociable? What is
her hobby?

You can indirectly ask few people who knows her some questions
without giving away your motive. If you are satisfied with your
"research", you can then build friendship.

Make her your friend first. I don't need to teach you how to make
friends with someone unless you need serious deliverance 😋.

31
Alright, read Dale Carnegie's book: HOW TO WIN FRIENDS AND
INFLUENCE PEOPLE.

Be friends! Show interest in her hobbies and vision. Ask harmless

questions. Get her talking; listen to her a lot. If she likes you, she will
respond, if not, she will shut down. If she shuts down completely,
leave her alone in peace and go look for someone else, don't force
an unwanted friendship on her.

For those who claim they heard God and must force a YES out of the
poor lady's mouth, you are simply not serious! Don't intimidate a
girl with I prayed 5 days and fasted 40 nights, who send you work...
Keep those facts to yourself.

Never force a lady to say yes to you, go back to God and ask him to
convince the sister. If her answer is still NO, you didn't hear God in
the first place. Leave the poor lady alone and move on!

After you have built friendship for at least 6 months,(it can be less
or more sha)and you can see through her body language that she
likes you and enjoys being with you, you can then make your
proposal.

There is an 80% chance you will get a YES.

Some guys just appear from no where, dump an ugly proposal on an

innocent lady and begins to harrass her😎😎

Come and beat me, I'm in my father's house. 🏃🏃🏃🏃🏃🏃

Be smart! Learn to win a lady's heart before asking for her hand in
marriage, you will save yourself lots of disappointment and respect
yourself better.

32
Learn to win a lady's heart.
God bless you.
I care and value you.
Helping you get your marriage right is my priority.
I'm passionate about birthing emotional intelligence in relationships
and families.
It's your girl.
#Winniemakingimpact.
#WMI.

33
 BE THE WOMAN.
I was reading and learning from Rebecca.
I've seen so many ladies with broken relationships but there is
something I want the ladies(all of us plus me oo) to learn from
Rebecca, that makes her irresistible.
When Abraham's servant got to the well outside the city, he prayed
and before he was done, Rebecca came, even though, the Bible
recorded the fact that she was very beautiful.

👉The beauty was not the main reason the servant was
captivated,her character did the captivating, (beauty is not enough
to keep a man not to talk of a home) the Bible continues by saying
she was a virgin, "AMP version says very beautiful and attractive,
chaste, modest and unmarried".

👉Chaste means had no sexual experience (not a pornographer,

Masturbator and so on), morally pure, simple and decent. I also
know some of us are victims of rape, molesting and so on but it
shouldn't be an avenue to start misbehaving sexually out of anger or
frustrations.

👉Some of us have also indulge in premarital sex because there was

an assurance of marriage or a case to prove your love. You can still
pure sexually if you stop the act. Be celibate from now on.

34
👉while modest means not bragging or boasting, unpretentious,
humble, avoiding sexual suggestive especially in clothing. Despite
her beauty, her appearance is not sexually suggestive, her clothes
are not the revealing type, she was humble and that can be seen in
her approach and her hospitality was a wow.

👉Finally she's the daughter of Abraham's relative, which I will term

as being a Christian(committed believer).
And this is the woman God has chosen for Isaac. You can be the
woman too, learn from our sweet Rebecca.

👉You can not maintain a relationship with your beauty alone.

I care and cherish you.

Your happiness is my priority.
Girls' Child Advocate.
It's your girl.
#Winniemakingimpact.
#WMI.

35
 COME BACK HOME.
People marry for different reasons but the primary aim of anybody
getting married is for companionship and live a joyous life.
Unfortunately, most times the result is usually the opposite.

People are so committed during courtship to making their

relationships lead to marriage. Surprisingly, few months after the
wedding, their marriages become a war zone. Why?
Undoubtedly, marriage is a serious business but people are
becoming more serious in wedding than marriage itself. Most times,
few months after wedding, some husbands no longer see reasons to
play with their wives.

Some men are comedians when they go out but in their homes they
are Papa PETE in Nollywood. Their presences alone cause
earthquake. On the other hand, some women know how to respect
and care for their bosses in the office and pastors in churches more
than their husbands.

Most times, when you hear what people are saying about your
spouse, you begin to wonder. Is this not the same person I am living
with?

Sometimes, people see you as one who is blessed because of the

kind of man you married, without knowing the pains you bear
because of the same person. What an irony?

36
Then, what is the cause of this? 🤷

Lack of friendship between husband and wife.

People are becoming more serious in wedding, than marriage itself.

Friendship has lost its root in many marriages that is why they easily
count errors where there is none.
To some men, playing or cracking jokes with their wives has become
a privilege, they rather do it outside and come back home as the
head.

How can she be begging for what is hers. Think about it.
However, the greatest challenge marriage is facing in this
contemporary age is lack of intimacy between husbands and wives.

Most husbands and wives are no longer friendly that is why they
always count errors where they would have overlooked.

You are tolerating others more than your spouse because both of
you lack intimacy in your marriage.

However, the truth is that until a person realizes that his/her spouse
is meant to be his/her closest friend, he/she will continue to achieve
temporal happiness.

Real happiness begins at home. Yes at home I say.

The easiest way to restore friendship in your marriage is to create

room for communication. Always have something to discuss, crack
jokes if you can, that way togetherness will take care of the rest.

"If you desire peace, don't give pains to others".

It's your girl 👧

#Winniemakingimpact
#WMI.

37
 IS MARRIAGE THE ULTIMATE?
I got a message from one of my Facebook friends, Though I receive
lots of messages daily but this one got my attention.

He said "Winnie you always talk about marriage, Is marriage the

ultimate? "

I know some of you also have similar questions on your mind, but
really if you've been reading my write ups keenly you will know my
stand.

Marriage is not the ultimate, My aim is to pass the right message

across so you don't miss it and leave a regretful life.

My stand is:
DISCOVER YOU BEFORE YOU SAY YES / PROPOSE.
AVOID CERTAIN ATTITUDES WHILE COURTING.
BE SURE YOU KNOW HIS/HER LIABILITIES WELL. etc

My knowledge about marriage, Let's learn together....

👇👇👇👇👇👇👇👇👇👇

What is Marriage to you?

It is obvious that we all want to have a taste of marriage. We wish to

marry and have our own kids. Many singles are really praying for
this marriage even when they have no clue about it.
Remove sex and romance out of marriage and most people become
confused about what marriage is all about. 🤷

38
Look here 🤷

🙅Marriage is not where you rush to like it is an award night.

🙅It is not a company that you are free to employ a manager to help
you take care of it while you sit in your chair, with your legs crossed
and a glass of wine on the table as a CEO.

You want to marry right?

But can I ask you some questions?

These questions are for both the bachelors and spinsters.
1. What is marriage? Can you explain to us without making it look
like a primary school topic and definition gotten from the syllable?

2. How good are you in management? I mean home management,

emotional management, time management, Etc.

3. How patient are you? I mean can you wait for 5 hours for your
wifey as she apply her make up? Can you not hit her one day out of
frustration? 🤷

4. What can you offer, outside sex and making babies?

I'm not spoiled ooo, let truth be told. Some of us is just to have a
baby. 😎

5. How emotionally, spiritually and intellectually equipped are you?

How often do you pray and fast now that you're single? Do you have
a library? How many books have you read on marriage?

6. Are you ready to keep your marriage secrets away from your
parents? Definitely, they never told you everything that took place
in their own union. No matter what, You don't know your parents
marriage all.
-------------------------------------------------------

39
Some single ladies soak their panties for more than one week
without washing them. Is that one wife?

Some men find it difficult to shave their armpits, their moustache is

so bushy and unkept. Is that one the husband to be?

From year to year, you can't change your boxer, wear an ironed
cloth, look neat and attractive but you want a neat woman who is
talented and skilled.

With your bushy and smelly armpit?

You attract your match.

That is the truth.

Iron sharpens iron and not ceramics.
Whatever you want, you must be.

If you want a neat woman, then be neat because that neat woman
you are crushing on is still looking for a neat man who is her match.

👌Marriage is not all about sex, you can get it anywhere!

👌It is not all about children, you can adopt!
👌It is not all about the change of name, the Government can help
you change your name if you want!
👉It is beyond what you call it. You call it marriage, but I call it a
union!!!💑
👉It is a new covenant with an individual from a different
background (home,training,culture and custom) and staying with
this individual as a new family member.

40
So what is your reason for marriage?
The wedding gown?
The traditional marriage look?
The name "BRIDE"?
The name "GROOM"?
To have free access for sex?
To just make babies?
To get the ring and flaunt it?
To face a new beginning and responsibility?
Your reason for marriage has a lot of influence on your marriage.

So think well before you move in.

Those who rushed in, rushed out too.
I bet you don't want to rush out.
Have a clue, it helps equip your heart. 🌹

I care about you.

Helping you get your marriage right is my priority.
I'm passionate about restoring decency and sanity to relationships
and families.
birthing emotional intelligence in families and relationships.
harmonising purpose and relationships.
It's your girl.
#Winniemakingimpact.
#WMI.

41
 THEY NEED HELP, CAN YOU HELP?

Stop asking people to reach out when they feel depressed.

I understand that you're saying that with only the best of intentions,
but that is not how it works for the depressed person.

I have experienced more bouts of depression (from mild to

crippling) than I can even count as far back as I can remember.

Times when my body and mind could barely function.

Not leaving my room/bed/hostel for days at a time.

Times when I didn't have it in me to even look at my phone, let

alone make a call to someone.

Anxiety and depression are referred to as "crippling" for a reason.

There is a chemical imbalance happening in the brain that forces
you to do things you wouldn't normally do. Or in most cases NOT do
things you would normally do and know you should do, which
makes you feel guilty for not doing them, thus perpetuating a nasty,
nasty cycle.

Depression is a mental, emotional, and spiritual black hole that you

cannot see beyond when you are in it. Physically, it feels like there is
something tying you to the center of the earth rendering you unable
to function. I refer to it as wearing a cloth far bigger than you, even
if you slim fit it, it still won't fit.

Depression is insidious and can creep up on you at any time without

notice. And then, there is circumstantial depression.

42
Mix those two together and you are in what feels like quicksand in
the middle of the blackest night with duct tape over your mouth
and you only have minutes to live and no one is around to see or
help you, you can`t even shout because your mouth is covered.
It's terrifying and bleak.

It can and does make you contemplate 100 intricate ways to kill
yourself so that no one would know you were responsible for it. And
for others, it makes them pick a more obvious and public route to
end their pain.
For those of you lucky enough to have never experienced
depression or anxiety, I am genuinely happy for you. It's not
something I would wish on my worst enemy.

Most of the time, a depressed person doesn't want to talk about

what's bothering them.
Don't let this frustrate you. I thank God because my friends are very
understanding and they were patient enough for me to come
around…. I Love you Aisha, Temitope, Funmi and my caring cousin
Adams.

Sometimes they do this because they don't know exactly what's

going on but it`s scary and they need a body around to feel safe.

Sometimes they aren't ready to talk about it yet.

And sometimes they are grateful for your friendship and feel guilty
they would bring you down with them, too.

Yes, I know that's not rational to you, but to them it makes perfect
sense.

43
Depression is not something you can think yourself out of.
Depression is not a conscious choice.
Depression blows.

This next sentence may tick a lot of people off, but... depression and
suicide are not meant to be selfish.

When you have experienced chronic depression for long enough

and get to the point where you want to free yourself from what
feels like never ending darkness PLUS have a chemical imbalance
happening in your brain (you can`t explain because you don`t know
what is mixing in your brain and you can`t even help yourself), you
truly believe the world (family and friends included) would be better
off without you to worry about.

I am not asking you to agree with it. I am asking you to try to

understand it in a different way...

People are not in their right state of mind when they make the
decision to commit suicide. To them, it's actually the opposite of
selfish... they think they would be making the world a better place if
they took themselves out of it.

Let me be clear... I am not saying suicide is ever the answer. But to

the depressed person not thinking logically, it feels like the logical
thing to do. Referring to suicide as selfish only heaps more shame
and stigma on a depressed person that hears you talking that way,
making them feel even worse and shutting them down further.

Instead of judging a depressed person or telling them to "snap out

of it," I have some other suggestions.

If you haven't heard from someone you know in a longer than

average amount of time, YOU reach out to them.

44
Let them know you are there for them no matter what is happening
or what they are facing.

Offer to come over and just sit with them. Do not force them to talk
about anything. Just BE there.

Ask them, "How can I best be here for you right now?"

And let whatever their answer is be ok with you.

They may say to just sit with them and not say a word.
They may ask you to keep checking on them with a simple text even
if they don't text back.
They may ask you to make food for them.
Or whatever the heck it is, just be okay with it.
They may even tell you to just leave them alone........ But please
don't go too far, they don't mean it.

The gratitude they will feel for those small selfless actions is
unbounded yet they won't be able to thank you in the moment.

Do it anyway.

If they don't return your calls or texts, reach out anyway. Any lack of
response is not about you during those times.

I was once in such a dark, incapacitated place, I thank God for the
beautiful souls He brought my way, they never give up on me. I
knew True Love that moment of my life and became closer to God.

I was once in a place so dark, I sat in my room (thank God I was

alone) inconsolably sobbing and stared for hours at the knife I was
going to use to stab myself.

45
I have written notes and left them for what I was about to do.

I have been to the absolute edge of ending my life and only been
stopped seconds before by a voice deep inside that whispered "not
yet." I immediately felt the bodily presence of God in my room and I
was weeping badly for mercy.

It is humbling and downright embarrassing to admit all of this and I

can only do it now that I am in a much better place and have some
perspective to offer.

I am not trying to make this post about how I have been able to
drastically turn my life around, but rather to share with those who
are baffled by depressed people what they can do to help.

Posting suicide prevention hotline numbers is indeed a nice thing to

do.
Telling people to reach out is also a nice thing to do.

But YOU reaching out and asking "how can I be there for you right
now?" is infinitely more effective.

Trust me.

So,... who are you going to reach out to before the end 2018?

Believe me so many people wants to end their lives with 2018 but
they can be better persons in 2019 if you and I reach out to them.

I love you all.

46
Please If you strongly believe or know someone is going to commit
suicide and has the means to do so, it is also your job to reach out to
the proper authorities.

Although I did not write this post to promote my writing. I just have
a strong feeling down in heart that someone needs this.

It's your girl.

#Winniemakingimpact.
#WMI.

47
 IF IT`S YOUR LIFE, THEN IT`S YOUR RIGHT.

Never put temporary people in the permanent place of your life,

and don't be afraid of removing the wrong people from the right
place of your life. If it's your life then it's your right.

Be bold to take any decision concerning your life guided by Jesus

Christ who is your model of faith. If they call it pride, tell them it's
class. No matter the economy of the jungle, Lions will never eat
grass.

Even if education is free, a rat will never go to the same school with
a cat. You cannot go anywhere with negative people. Negative
people are like cars without fuel and engines. You can only sit in
them, but they will NEVER take you anywhere.

You can't change what you see until you learn from what you see.
Be careful who you open up because only a few people care.
The rest just want to have something to gossip about.
Some people come into your life like a dark storming night. When
the storm is over and the sun rises it becomes a beautiful day. Make
beautiful days in your life this festive season by removing the
"Storms" in your life...

Good night..
I'm still your girl Winnie.
Making positive impact is the aim.

48
To read more articles on relationships, marriage and family life
connect with me on:
Facebook: Winnie Louisa Ene.
Facebook page:Winnie making impact and adding values.
Instagram: Winnifredlouisa.
Email:Winnifredlouisa@gmail.com

Winnifred is a young, dynamic and prolific writer. She is a

student of Economics at the University of Abuja. Winnie is
passionate at making positive impact and adding value to the
live of young people. It is her desire to see young people burn
for the Lord. Her vision is to bring hope to the hopeless, care
for orphans and address common day-to-day challenges facing
contemporary teens and youths. She is the Founder of Winnie
Making Impact (WMI)
Facebook: Winnie Louisa Ene
Instagram: Winnifredlouisa
Phone No.: 08163277131,08151019615