Imagine an Arctic Mountain - part one.

Written by a Semi-Scandinavian

Life among people can be challenging. A Hindu friend told me that, our consciousness evolves
through different organisms. We begin like a bacterium, then we take a path to becoming
something greater, more complex, until we are here, as a human.

And complex we are. Our stimulation of the outside world and the way our cells interpret and
take in all of that information to try and understand our place within everything.

Who can understand it. Can any of us really understand it?

One thing that I always felt aware of was the fragility of the human experience. Our language,
our names for things, the structures we build around us, the clothing and medicine which
protects our cells and helps us to function as this complex being. We look at it and often see the
surface stuff.

As with our emotions, we often only see what lies on the surface. Our fears. The things that are
problems. The people who have wronged us and the constant unpredictability of who or what
might hurt us.

But the universe, does not seem to care much about these things. And that's why, no matter the
pain we are feeling, I think it's important to remember that we are a part of this whole universe
too. And that the only way we can find true happiness is through aligning our fragile, cellular
form to something that the universe does care about. Something that feels connected to not
only humans, but to the very essence of life itself. The same life that flows through our veins
and which resides in every cell in our body.

No matter the pain, the confusion, the root answer to everything surely lies within what our cells
want, what our genetic makeup wants. And rather than being a pure scientific thing, this is more
a question of what brings us the most joy. What makes us feel the most connected and whole.

And the answer, rather than being inside our minds, or inside the endless possibilities of what
we could do, or could have done, lies within our body, which in our human experience is the
gateway to the soul and our life.

Last night I walked about the same mountain, upon which I walk now. And my mind was
troubled with the feeling of having lost something. Having disappointed someone. Having not
been good enough. For I myself there is no thing more painful on this world than feeling like I
can't be seen there, or wanted there. That the life force within me will remain dormant and
unknown. That it cannot belong. That it cannot belong to another person because my life force
is wrong and invisible to anybody but myself.
I try to prove myself to people, to show my opinions and beliefs, because I feel noticed and like I
exist. I want so badly to exist and to have love, to not be afraid of losing love. I want to feel that,
no matter how imperfect I might be, I will still be loved. Cherished. Important. That I will be
looked upon by my partner as a soul in human clothing and not as my fears and shortcomings.

I believe that surely, everybody wants this. So why is it so hard. What is it about this experience
of being human that can be so scary and uplifting at the same time. Where have I come from?
Where am I going? Why am I here? What does this mean?

I walked into a valley under the midnight sun. Trees were green in the mist, and a river flowed
between dense trees. Beyond the trees I could see a waterfall, and above, more trees, and mist.
A place where the human mind with all its notorious questions and theories fails to answer the
meaning or presence of raw experience.

We smoked a joint in the rain. The joint became soaking wet. But we still smoked it. Clambering
off the bridge and standing bare feet in the fast flowing water.

I forgot about the meaning of my mind and my fears, because in this place, no such thing
existed. There was so such thing as fear or illusion in the natural world, in the real world. Here
everything was present. There was no I, there was just the I that I was, the extension of a
greater being that I could see in the trees.

The same being was also in the cold waters flowing over my feet. In the colorful ancient rocks
that formed the pebbles. In the mists and the high, rising shape of rock that formed the great
mountain beyond.

I don't believe that this being knows fear. Or knows illusion. Some may describe this being
through more human or personal terms. But to me, this being is God. The universe, the secret
of the universe that lies behind the forces and creation present all around us.

As humans we divide things up. We blame. We get scared and run, or fight. We encounter
something that makes us afraid, and through the complexity of everything, it becomes too much.
We run, we hide, we let our life energy disrupt and hurt the fragility of our nature.

As we sat by the river, we talked about how some people in India find such places to meditate.
And it made me think of a dream that I had had. I climbed up a river valley in this dream, very
similar to the one I was currently in. And like in the valley, there was another person in my
dream. He observed me, as I levitated a boulder from the river and placed it onto another.

This is perhaps the true nature of God. Who does not speak through words or through direct
commands, but through inspiration and joy. And the core of that inspiration and joy is love.

People are different. Because our complexity is so great, that sometimes that complexity can
place entirely different curtains of thought over our experiences and needs.
This is one system of how the world works. We can live by these rules. Only relate to those who
have a similar condition to us, or those who have the same fears as us.

This must be how the zodiac words. Like a wheel of possibility dictating what kind of veil
someone will have to remove. Where the spinning wheel lands, the person will have to remove
a particular thing to find their true self.

But God does not work inside of time or inside of veils. To the conscious universe, I believe that
the zodiacs, our experiences and fears are really irrelevant. They are just the veil of our own
human experience.

The conscious universe recognises that beneath our different veils, we are all another cell in the
universe. Just like every other.

And perhaps most importantly, it is not our fears or past which make us unique, it is our joy.

Our cells know our joy. Our needs. Our need to be loved and to feel inspired. Not our minds, our
mind is merely the interpreter of the experience, and the mind is always troubled by the veil that
has been pulled over it to stop us seeing how things really are.

Is it our joy that drives humanity. Our need to love and to feel loved. So how do I heal my mind,
and remove that veil? How do I begin to let my joy decide my experience instead of my fear?

How do I show others that it isn't our fear that counts, but our joy?

I don't know. My mind cannot understand this question. But I think I already have the answer.
The answer, is to believe. To believe I could be loved and to truly believe that I am worthy.

It is not something that my mind can give an answer to. And I have discovered that many of the
greatest questions are not answered through a specific plan or a specific path. They are
answered through belief, and through trusting that that belief is really for us. Trusting that I can
be beautiful, and trusting that I am worthy of it.

And thus begins the moment of a new cycle. I was arrogant in my spirituality because I have
learned a lot and wanted that to be worth something. But I realise now that I am also like a
newborn child. With unformed beliefs in a fluid and conscious world. That my consciousness
can still grow and discover new and beautiful ways of seeing things.

And I think there is no more a beautiful way to begin a journey, than to realise that we don't yet
know everything. And to realise that things can be better. I have to think less, and to listen more.
That is what this mountain seems to be telling me.