CLINICAL & FORENSIC PSYCHOLOGY, LTD. James H. Gilbertson, Ph.D. Assessment, Treatment and Consultation Licensed Psychologist Office (612)581-6655 Licensed Marriage/Family Therapist Fax (651)633.9485 Cell (612)581-6655 E-Mail drjhgilbertson@aol.com January 4, 2013 Mr. Rucki VIA EMAIL: Mrs. Grazzini-Rucki VIA EMAI: Dear Mr. and Mrs. Rucki: I have not yet seen ema coming to my office that I could review and then forward to your children. TI received one email from Mrs. Rucki, but it did not cover the elements that I had mentioned in our joint telephone call. I thought it might be best, then, for me to more concretely provide a format for the email. Again, this is a format, only, and is drawn from responses that I have had with other families in similar situations. My word usage are only guidelines or represent those of other parents. Please feel free to choose whatever language you would use to communicate the same -intent and/or cover the same material. I am recommending the following email format: Point 1: A statement regarding my presence in this matter, such as: * Thank you, Dr. Gilbertson, for responding to the court’s request to reunite our family, or * We appreciate, Dr. Gilbertson, you being on board to assist us in reconciling with our children, or * We understand the court has appointed you and we are willing to work with you and your recommendations so that we can, once again, enjoy our children and their activities and participate in their lives in a more normalized shion. Point 2: Some statement on where you are in your own life, i.e. Innsbruck Professional Center 2677 Innsbruck Dr. Suite D New Brighton, MN 55112January 4, 2012 Iam currently renovating the house in hopes of your return, I am doing well and working on those issues that existed between your father and I/your mother and I, that led to so much anger and caused you so much pain, fear, anger, sense of betrayal, concern, etc., Your father and I/your mother and I want to assure you that we are attempting to examine our own lives understanding that while we, as a adults, may not be together again, we want to co-parent in a way that makes sense and that does not cause any sense of disloyalty on your part to communicate and that both of us want to give you complete freedom to have a relationship with your mother/with your father. Point 3: I urge you to work with Dr. Gilbertson and his recommendations. They, undoubtedly, will involve us having face to face contacts with one another and we will work toward accomplishing that in the easiest way possible. We understand that there will be discomfort and, in fact, Dr. Gilbertson had stated that there does appear to be a substantial amount of fear and concern and anger and feelings of betrayal that will need to be worked with in order for us to re-approach one another. Separation and divorce does not end the family, it only reorganizes the family, but, in so doing, produces a considerable amount of trauma, emotional fallout, pain, suffering, suspicion, distrust, moral outrage, and a host of other feelings. It is precisely these that makes separation and divorce such a stressor. Point 4: Your father and I understand we have work to do with one another to develop even a minimal amount of communication, but sufficient so that we can exchange information about your lives and communicate and agree sufficiently so that we can have input into decision making where parents can assist their children. We understand that our family case, through the court, has been somewhat unusual in that both parents were asked to step aside, which left a vacuum that has left everybody somewhat mystified and bewildered as to what may be the next step. We are hoping that Dr. Gilbertson, through his efforts and through your and our cooperation, that we can ‘fill that Page 2 of 4January 4, 2012 vacuum’ and move to bring this family together in a slow and steady fashion. We understand that negative feelings will linger, we understand that there may be future episodes of angry response, angry words, even failed promises, but we want to assure you that your father and I/your mother and I are attempting to reduce those to a minimum so as not to ‘reinfect’ or ‘re-traumatize’ an already difficult situation, Point 5: We both are interested in how you are doing in your school, with your friends, any special activities in which you are enjoying and in which you are excelling. We would like to hear about how you are doing, thinking and feeling, and after we are able to submit some emails to establish beginning communication with us to you, it is our understanding you will be encouraged to send emails to us in the hopes of building those communication bridges that we need to have. As you will note, I have chosen different ways of formatting or giving words to the difficult situation. Essentially, I would like your emails to, again: 1. Embrace my presence and your willingness to work with me and following my recommendations. 2. Letting the children understand where you are in this situation, emotionally, as you attempt to work on your own issues. 3. Letting the children know that you understand where they are and how this whole situation has caused difficulties for them. 4. A note of optimism that we are working toward the same goal, but with a realistic understanding that people are going to feel uncomfortable, and that there is an understanding that as families reorganized after divorce, they never really are the same, but we hope to keep in place the major reasonable access to both parents so that the children are advantaged with the positive influence that you both have. 5. An invite for the children to begin to think about communicating their own wishes and wants to you once we open up that internet transaction. I hope this is helpful to set out the format that I would like to see done in your emails. 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