Running head: ARE YOU READY?

ARE YOU READY?

Jennifer J. Prince

Salt Lake Community College

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QUESTION:

Suppose your 21 year old child or best friend came to you and asked the question, “How do you

know if you are ready for marriage?” How would you respond? If it will help, you may interview

two other people and list their answers in your paper. As you consider the factors predicting

marital success, look at your own past relationships. What factors, such as background,

personality characteristics , and relationship characteristics might have predicted the quality of

your relationship? Were any particular characteristics especially important for you? Why?

ANSWER:

Having a 22 year old son, (and having had four step children in their 20’s for the six

years I was married to their father recently,) this question has been very relevant in our lives. I

guess you could say I practiced giving advice to the step-kids, and my son has watched up close

and personal his step siblings marital choices, helping him to decide which examples he may or

may not want to emulate. I can say unequivocally, from both personal experience and

observation, that I do not believe anyone is ready for marriage at age 21; the brain isn’t even

done developing! Because Americans currently tend to marry people close to their own age,

that’s two underdeveloped brains making adult decisions such as potentially starting a family and

bringing an innocent life into the equation (Strong & Cohen, 2016, p. 295). A terrible idea at that

young an age in my opinion.

I was reared in the Utah culture of marrying young and believe it is irresponsible. At the

time I married and had my first child, (age 23) I felt like an old maid. Reflecting back, and living

in other parts of the country where I was able to make authentic comparisons, I now conclude I

was a baby getting married and having a baby. My husband had a decent job in a desirable field
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and could pay all of the bills for our lives in our little apartment. We had health insurance, shared

a new dependable vehicle, and loved each other. All of our friends were already married and well

on their way to starting families; we did not want to be left behind. Although we shared common

religious views, friends, and life goals, I realize now we were not ready. I was a good little stay

at home wife and mother to our baby but we almost immediately began going down different

paths of life. His career took off sending he and other colleagues all over the United States and I

communicated with other neighbor stay at home moms; soon we had little more than our son and

address in common. Ten years later (and a lot of other strife) we divorced.

I advised my step children from day one, “Do not act like you’re 40 when you’re 20

(getting married, making babies) and don’t act 20 when you’re 40 (leaving your spouse and kids

to go fulfill the missed ‘right of passage’ time needed in your early 20’s to properly mature and

prepare for adult life.) My oldest step son Blake, now age 29, seemed to listen the most and

married 4 years ago at age 25. Although he married a very odd girl in my opinion, (she is terribly

shy and quite homely where as he is extremely social and very good looking,) they share

important religious views and like living out in the country. They established themselves fairly

well in career, marriage and housing first, and now have a 1 year old daughter. I hope their

marriage makes it, but I fear my stepson has grown tired of he and his wife’s differences.

Interestingly my step daughter Candy did the exact opposite of her older brother and

appears to be living the happier life. At age 18 she and her boyfriend decided started having

children, and their sons were born when she was 19 and 20 years of age. My step son in law’s

parents (who are very educated and wealthy) insisted they marry. My step daughter and her

husband have lived with his parents ever since; 8 years in total this Fall. My step son in law has
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recently graduated from the University of Utah, and he and Candy seem very much in love and

happy as are their two children. Although they dove in head first, I believe it has been the

tremendous support my step son in laws parents have given them over the years that has relieved

them from the usual strain such impactful decisions make while in the teenage years.

I am happy that my son has decided to wait to marry, and is focusing on his career rather

than romantic relationships currently.

*All names have been changed for privacy.

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Works Cited

Strong, Bryan, and Theodore F. Cohen. ​The Marriage and Family Experience: Intimate

Relationships in a Changing Society. 13th Edition.​ Canada: Learning, 2016.

Word Count: 695