FCHD 2400 C.

Beckert, PhD

1. RELATIONSHIPS AND COMMUNICATION (Power Point Presentation Notes)

2. One cannot NOT communicate!
3. Whatever we say or not say; do or not do communicates something.
4. Two types of communication
5. Verbal
6. Non verbal
7. Voice
8. Body
9. Emotions
10. Silence is a very powerful communicator and generally not very productive.
11. “Sticks and stones can break the bones when thrown with angry art. Words can sting like
anything, but silence breaks the heart.”
12. Critical Elements to consider for effective Communication
13. CONTENT = What do I want to say?
14. METHOD = How do I intend to say it?
15. MOTIVE = Why do I want to say it?
16. IMPACT = What possible effect might this message have on the receiver?
17. General Thoughts about Communication
18. All healthy interpersonal relationships depend on effective communication.
19. Effective communication occurs when the receiver receives the message the sender
intended to send.
20. Almost all relationship discord and contention can be traced to basic misunderstandings.
21. The responsibility for effective communication rests on both the sender and the receiver.
22. To blame one or the other for ineffective communication is generally an exercise in
futility.
23. Remember that words and symbols can have different meanings to different people.
24. Soon, always, seldom, never, sometimes, maybe, not now, etc.
25. Ineffective communication can be both symptomatic and problematic.
26. STEPS IN THE COMMUNICATION PROCESS
27. (Sender)
28. Encode
29. Send
30. (Filter)
31. (Receiver)
32. Decode
33. Internal response
34. (Receiver becomes Sender)
35. Encode
36. Send
37. (Filter)
38. (First Sender becomes Receiver)
39. Decode
40. Internal response
41. Suggestions for Sending
42. Speak in short, “one thought” statements.
43. Match words, voice tone, and actions.
FCHD 2400 C. Beckert, PhD

44. Verbal and non-verbal

45. Maintain a comfortable distance to encourage appropriate eye contact and attention.
46. Focus on the behavior rather than the person.
47. Share observations rather than inferences (the “what” rather than the “why.”)
48. Speak in terms of “more/less” rather than “either/or.”
49. Provide alternatives rather than solutions.
50. Work in the “here and now” rather than in the “there and then.”
51. Be tentative rather than absolute with your suggestions.
52. Recognize the value of the message to the receiver rather than to the sender. (motive)
53. Use “I” messages rather than “you” messages.
54. Be specific rather than general as you describe the situation.
55. Thoughts About the Filter
56. The filter belongs to the receiver.
57. The filter should be considered by the sender before sending a message.
58. The filter may be affected by such things as:
59. Lack of interest in the person or topic
60. External distractions (Static)
61. Internal distractions (Static)
62. Current emotional state
63. Past experiences
64. Pressure of time
65. Negative motives
66. Other filter blockers
67. Sending styles which weaken relationships
68. Prolonged silence
69. Sarcasm
70. Deception (lies, half truths, and omissions)
71. Criticism
72. Vulgarity and profanity (as experienced by the receiver)
73. Two-level or incongruent messages
74. Angry and emotional outbursts
75. Overt or covert threats of relationship separation
76. Demeaning comments; i.e. name calling, labeling, etc.
77. Use of “red flag” words, topics, and/or topics
78. Suggestions for Receiving
79. Maintain comfortable eye contact
80. Decrease distance without being oppressive
81. Demonstrate attention to the person and the message
82. Request additional information without probing
83. Extend or expand the statement made to encourage further communication
84. Paraphrase and/or clarify the statement you heard
85. Reflect the feelings as well as the words expressed
86. “When in doubt, check it out!”
87. Listen to the whole person with your whole person
88. The Chinese word for “listen” contains three elements:
89. Ear
FCHD 2400 C. Beckert, PhD

90. Eye
91. Heart
92. Maintain any and all confidences
93. The Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse (John Gottman)
Criticism
Contempt
Defensiveness
Stonewalling
94. General Barriers to Effective Communication
95. Failure to express what one is feeling and/or thinking
96. Poor timing
97. Incomplete statements
98. Leaving out valuable details
99. Interrupting and over talking
Assuming what your partner is thinking and feeling and not allowing him or her
to express it.
100. Reacting to the “words” used rather than the “feelings” felt
Failure to communicate with one another about your communication
(metacommunication)