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TOP 5 SHITTIEST GRAND JUNCTION LAWS TOP TEN
#5 “Keeping
9.04.120
Disorderly House” balloons—illegal; a pick-up football
game in the park—quite possibly illegal. A merica no longer cares about the Bill
of Rights—the first ten Amendments
to the Constitution. The majority of
the American public no longer cares about
average citizen than the right of the people
to be secure in their person, houses, papers
and effects against unreasonable searches
and seizures. Joe Six-pack, Joe the Plumber,
“It shall be unlawful for any person to
knowingly, intentionally, or recklessly keep
#2 “Camping Without a Permit”
12.08.140(b)(7)
their rights in the same way or the same order
that they have in the past. The order of the
amendments is part of the problem. These
Joe Blow and all the other average Joes
believe if someone has nothing to hide they
shouldn’t mind police rifling through their
any disorderly house, which term is defined amendments have remained static for over 200 belongings. They believe this as it pertains
as any structure and/or adjoining property “No person shall camp, park a motor years. This is no longer the American way, not to others, the homeless, the poor, foreigners,
or both which is used, owned, kept or vehicle, trailer or camper on riverfront in this 21st century. Tradition is dead, stability Muslims, radicals, etc. They (the Joes) believe
controlled by such person within this City lands or trails, with the intention or for the is stagnation and stagnation, in a consumer this amendment, as well as the fifth, protects
upon or within which any drinking of alcohol purpose of camping, unless such is by the driven nation, is death. Popular as it may be, terrorists and child molesters. They believe
by a person under the age of 21, quarrelling, authority of a camping permit issued by the the first amendment is no longer number one. this because for most of them the chance of
fighting or riotous or disorderly conduct is Department of Parks and Recreation of the Despite fears on the left of a monopoly this right being violated are slim. Now, let
permitted, allowed, occasioned, encouraged City of Grand Junction. Possession of a valid of corporate control of the mass media and the police start searching them, randomly
or suffered.” camping permit shall authorize the use of fears on the right that liberal Democrats will stopping their cars, indiscriminately tapping
the riverfront lands attempt to muzzle Rush, Hanity, O’Riley and their phones, and the fourth amendment would
This law is overly and trails subject all the other far right yap dogs of the airways. become a much more popular amendment.
vague, and is to the terms Despite this partisan posturing, despite the More people have voted for an American
used to target and conditions plethora of bloggers, tweeters and texters, Idol than have voted for Presedent of these
young people imposed thereon gridlocked on the information highway. United States . Because of this, I propose
especially college by the Director The American public has become instead of a Bill of Rights we institute “
students. One or his designee. ambiguent on the first amendment. With America ’s Top 40 Amendments©” This would
cranky neighbor and anyone can thirty percent resentful of the amendments work similar to the way the rankings in college
end up being charged with this one. Doesn’t seem that unreasonable, until prohibition of the establishment of football are designed. Certain amendments
you realize that the Parks and Recreation religion, and thirty percent resentful of would not be allowed to fall below the top
Department does not issue permits for the amendment’s protection of the right 20 (the 13th for instance), in the same way
#4 “Drinking of Alcoholic Beverages
in Public Ways” 12.16.100
camping on the riverfront. This is a
double bind. How can you be charged
with camping without a permit when
to free exercise thereof, the remaining 40
percent are apathetically agnostic in regards
to establishment or free exercise. Among
Notre Dame retains its ranking despite poor
performance. This proposal would encourage
participation in the democratic process. People
camping permits do not exist? This one these are the uninterested and the under could root for their favorite right, vote online
“It shall be unlawful for any person to obviously targets people without houses informed who do not read books, newspapers for the sexiest freedom, bet on the next week’s
possess or drink any malt, vinous, or that are forced to live anywhere they can. or periodicals that do not parrot their top three amendments, even buy t-shirts
spirituous liquors in the City, in or on preconceived opinions. The first amendment jackets and caps “Go-VI Amendment- Speedy
any public street, road, highway, park has definitely dropped a few places in the polls. Trials Rock!” Like the college bowl system,
or public way which is either publicly or
privately owned and used by the public...” #1 “Public meetings and parades”
9.04.160
The right to bear arms is moving
up the charts with a bullet.
The third amendment
this plan might require some adjustments.
If this plan becomes
popular, and I believe it will
Another vague law, this one is used to is the Bill of Rights’ (more people watch sports
target houseless people. The kicker is “It shall be unlawful to hold any outdoor red headed step child. on ESPN than watch
that mere possession of alcohol in public meeting on public property to which the Most people couldn’t Congress on CNN),
is illegal. How does a person without general public is invited or permitted to tell you what it this blending of civics
a car get a twelve pack home from the attend, addressed by one or more speakers, or says and for good and popular culture
liquor store, without breaking the law? conduct a processional parade, unless a permit reason. It has never could be expanded.
for such event has been issued by the City.” become necessary I’m thinking of a
to enforce, and if the reality TV show from
#3 “Throwing Stones,
Missiles” 9.04.060
Other If the right to peacefully assemble is
guaranteed by the first amendment of the
Constitution, why do people need to ask
troops are ever quartered
in private homes, whether
in time of peace or war, this
Guantanamo
competitors try to get
where
T
destruction of our mother is not an easy task intellectualism, and groups like the Sheep
wo Colorado State Troops have breaking into a person’s home and shooting for a former local. They say insanity is trying Mountain Alliance. They fear any threat
been indited by a Grand Jury for the them. Lawyer’s most serious charge in 2nd the same thing over and over while expecting to their way of life, to their well being.
July 20th shooting of Jason Kemp Degree Assault, not 1st Degree Burglary or different results. But the community which Any attack on the mill is viewed as an
in his own home, as officers were forcing 2nd Degree Murder or even manslaughter. produced me and my former ideologies attack on the community’s quality of
entry into his house. The two troopers Let’s hope they get the max and a is participating in just that. Mine, mill, life—as an attack on their very existence.
Gene Lawyer and Kirk Firko have been message of accountability is sent to law then move on, jobless and desperate. Some view the Colorado Environmental
charged with less than would be normal for enforcement throughout the Valley.• About four years ago, I interviewed Coalition and the Sheep Mountain Alliance
the museum curator in Naturita, Colorado. as a threat. Some even view the locals (land
EVENT Calendar
I was doing a media project for school on owners and organic farmers) in Paradox
the coming uranium boom, and had an ‘in’ Valley organizing against the mill as a threat.
being from Nucla. The woman, middle aged, They view anyone who is thinking twice
sweet, and sympathetic to my concerns, was about a uranium mill in Paradox Valley
well aware of the toxic nature of uranium as backward thinking and threatening.
EVERY TUESDAY • 1:30PM
Housing First! No More Deaths! meets to devise attention! mining. She told me she has lost family
members from exposure to radon. She told
“Almost everyone here was here when
uranium mining was happening, and when
creative grassroots solutions to homelessness, and
prevent homeless related deaths. The Red Pill has been in print now for almost eight me that Uravan was home to her at one the industry went away, the jobs went
Whitman Park, Grand Junction years. But more and more it has become a hard to time. She told me that the river would run away. The response from citizens has been
come up with enough supplies, submissions, and different colors, red, orange and yellow, and favorable. People definitely know what’s
EVERY SUNDAY • 12pm volunteers to keep the Red Pill in print. the kids, in the now ghost town, would swim proposed. It’s the subject everywhere you
Get Involved with The Red Pill in it without a thought of danger or toxicity. go on the streets around here,” former
For more info: 245-3720 We need your help. Lets make The Red Pill the During this same project, I also mayor Roxy Allex was quoted as saying.
alternative paper this town needs. So how do we stand against something
EVERY SATURDAY • 5:00PM interviewed the owner of a few small
contact us: gjredpill@hotmail.com
Solidarity Not Charity meets at Whitman Park to serve uranium mines in the area. He was in his that almost everyone in the community at
Really Free Food. Without new and/or renewed efforts The Red Pill will fifties, graying, and spoke with confidence. hand supports one hundred and fifty percent?
For more info: 245-3720 cease to exist. He claimed that people just didn’t know the How do we show that we do not wish to hurt
dangers back then, during the last boom. people, we wish people would stop hurting
ALL WINTER • 12am-6am He named a few of his friends that he lost to our earth? We need to act on this issue. We
PLEASE SUPPORT
Help save lives with the Housing First! No More uranium mining, friends that my dad (who need to show the locals how the uranium
ALTERNATIVE MEDIA!
Deaths’ Night Patrols. industry creates a lower quality of life, not
Volunteers Needed
accompanied me on the interview) also knew.
nomoredeathsgrandjunction@riseup.net
But he was confident that the environmental a higher quality. The industry causes an
regulations and other regulations were more impoverished existence during the busts, and
RED PILL LOCATIONS than safe now-a-days. And boy, did it cost him the lives of so many lost loved ones. We need
a lot of money to comply with new standards. to find sustainable solutions to rural poverty,
You can pick up your copy of The Red Pill at the following locations: Planet 9, Planet Earth, The Hot
My father worked in uranium mines avoiding “boom & bust” industries. We need to
Tomato, Kleen Sting, Roasted, Contemporary Glass Works, Orr’s Trading Post, Coffee Muggers, Triple support existing sustainable industries in the
before he had kids. I attempt to talk to him
Play Records, Dream Child Entertainment. about it but he says only minimally what he region like organic farming. But most of all,
Download the Red Pill at: http://www.gjredpill.org did. When applying for a job when I was we must put our earth first and stop this mill.•
Become our friend on myspace.com @ http://www.myspace.com/gjam_theredpill in middle school, my dad was almost not
TOXIC WASTE AND MEDIA SILENCE
631 SOUTH 9TH STREET • GRAND JUNCTION, COLORADO