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Father Allof Jumani – Priest in Hollow Church of Holy Smoke (TheDane)

Rev. David Crockett – Another priest in Hollow Church of Holy Smoke (TheDane)
Mrs. Sandra Hughes – Our lad’s Alter Ego
Brother Ikeji Alexander – Our lad
Bolding – My highlighting of fun or informative stuff

It all started by me sending out an ASEM, as I do once in a while. The format was stolen
from JojoBean’s legendary Kevin Williams Tony bait, as I think it is too good not to be
used. I don’t think JojoBean will mind, particularly not when she sees what have come out
of it this far. ;)

I am very pleased to find your email in my inbox. I would like you to know that I am the
pastor of a church and I am very interested in your proposition. My church has many
means by which we can distribute funds. Your cause seems like a worthy one, God Bless
You!

Now, as for possible fees that may come along with the transaction, my church can cover
them. However, we can only cover a small amount, up to $93,500 USD. Our church gives
annually about 64.3 million in charitable givings every year. We have a few churches
around the country and we are definitely looking for new ways to make money. As it is
getting to be the end of the year over there, it is also getting to be the end of the year in my
neck of the woods. We have left in our donations account the $93,500 that I mentioned
earlier. Off of the top of my head, I cannot remember exactly when our fiscal year ends,
but it is definitely soon. Now, your case is definitely a bit different than most cases that we
work with, since we would be getting some money in return. We will have to handle this a
little differently.

I will need a bit more detail about how you would like to proceed with this transaction. Our
standard procedures will be discussed when I hear more.

Looking forward to hearing from you.

Father Jumani

From Mrs. Sandra Hughes <sahughesxx@gmail.com>

to Allof Jumani <alxxxx@gmail.com>
date Sat, Sep 4, 2010 at 5:38 PM
subject Re: Dear father Jumani, God bless you.

Dearest Beloved Father Jumani,

May the peace and Grace of God be with you.

Thank you for responding to my mail. I believe my contact with you is not by accident but
divine. Well i contacted you to help me carry out this great work of God with my late
husbands funds 7.5m (Seven million, five hundred thousand US Dollars) that was WILLED
to me, but currently under the custody of a Finance and Security firm where I deposited it
for safe keeping because of my illness. I believe its God that is directing me to you so that
you can help me actualize my dream of ensuring that the life of the children suffering are
touched with this fund, than have the fund wasted at the custody of the finance company,
since i might not survive my ailment. I know God works in a mysterious ways, he knows
why he has led me to you, maybe he knows u need the money to take care of the people
suffering around. Kindly let me know the name of your church, possibly the website.

However beloved, if you are willing to help me, then we should go ahead with the
procedures immediately. That is to say that we would have to prepare the necessary
documents (Affidavit of Change ownership and Letter of Authorization), this will give you
the legal right to stand as the new beneficiary of the fund, in case i die. So for us to
achieve this, you will have to send to me immediately the following information:

1. Full Name
2. Contact address
3. Occupation
4. Direct Phone/Fax number
5. Age/Sex

As soon as you send the information, i will forward it to my attorney to help us procure with
the documents and have it sent to you, so that we can continue with the clearance and
claim of the consignment to you immediately before i die, since the Doctor has declared
that i might not survive the ailment. Please beloved you must keep this a confidential, for
security reasons, considering the amount of money involved. I believe it is the Lord that is
directing me to you, so I trust you so much and i want you to do same for me, pray for my
health too and always be in contact with me with prayers and words of
encouragement.

I hope to hear from you soon. God bless you.

Yours Sister,
Mrs. Sandra Hughes.

Sat, Sep 4, 2010 at 5:46 PM

Dearest Mrs. Hughes,

I am glad to hear back from you. You are right, this is a divine appointment. God will truly
bless our transaction. As I stated before, in order to receive your $93,500, you must
become a member of our organization. Do you wish to become a member? If you have
any questions about our faith, you may refer to our website for any information you might
need. I have taken the liberty of attaching the application form.

Some of the site is not functioning correctly because of the recent hurricanes. However,
your account has been set up with the $93,500 for when you become a member. We will
go throught with the transaction as soon as your induction is over. Our particular location is
in Orlando, FLthough we have about 300 churches across the nation. We are still
recovering from recent hurricane damage down here, so please pray for us. Email me
soon.

As for your question, No, only God is the owner of any church. The rest of us just spreads
his words and his will. I own no earthly possessions, for this is forbidden to me due to our
religion.

God bless your soul

Sincerely,
Father Jumani

Sat, Sep 4, 2010 at 7:37 PM

Dear beloved father Jumani,

Am so glad too to hear back from you, but you must know that i am in the hospital and
am ready to become a member of your organization, that is if you are a God and bible
believing organization. So please do not hesitate to send the website of your organization
as i will be very much pleased to read through it and get to know more about you. Moreso,
i will be so glad if you can send your informations as i earlier stated to you, and i will also
like to speak with you on phone.

Please do always remeber to pray for me, as i am not getting any better. God bless you
and keep you and your sheep in the vineyard.

Yours Sister,
Mrs. Sandra Hughes.

Didn’t have a website for my church, so I had to improvise:

Sun, Sep 5, 2010 at 1:23 AM

Dearest Mrs. Hughes,

Hollow Church of the Holy Smoke - Saint Baytor Chapter is indeed a Christian
organization, and we do indeed believe in God, in Jesus Christ and in Saint Baytor. We do
indeed follow the Holy Bible and all of our rituals are given to us by God Almighty. Saint
Baytor is our patron saint.

Saint Baytor was a very God fearing man that lived in Constantinople 1300 years ago. He
too very good care of the poor people in the city, often invited them to his home to have
dinner, and he gave everything he could spare to the poor. Then the Emperor was going to
war and decided that the people should pay an extra tax, meaning that many had to sell
everything they owned. But Baytor helped people hide their possessions, and for that the
Emperors soldiers flogged and killed him. After his death, the Pope received divine
inspiration from God Almighty, and declares Baytor a saint. Do you know what a saint is? It
is a very holy man, almost as holy as Jesus, but not quite.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Saint
We are a member of the Christian alliance TWAT, and shares their homepage:
http://www.securewebdata.com/TWAT/contact.html
Also, I have attached the membership form for your convenience. My contact information
is on page 1.

Looking forward to hear back from you, my son.

Two days later, she appears on Gmail Chat:

12:48 PM me: Mrs Hughes. How are you?

12:49 PM Sandra: am fine
and u?
12:51 PM me: I am very fine indeed, it is a beautiful morning under God's skies.
12:52 PM I just wanted to hear if you got my reply Saturday?
1:02 PM me: Mrs. Hughes?
1:10 PM Sandra: yes
am sorry am so slow writing
am at the hospital now
1:18 PM me: That is perfectly all right, Mrs. Hughes, I am doing some administrative work
while we chat.
1:19 PM Sandra: ok
me: God bless you and may He bring you swift healing.
Sandra: thanks
me: So, when can we expect that you return the form?
Sandra: God bless you too
the form is really large
1:20 PM i try as much as i can to get the form taken care of
1:22 PM me: Yes, I am afraid that it is 20 pages.
We had a professional consultant make the questionnaire for us.
1:24 PM Sandra: i admire u peoples effort
working in the vineyard of God\
how i wish i am in a good health conditition
1:25 PM me: We shall pray for you, Mrs. Hughes.
Sandra: please are u married?
me: Only to the Lord, Mrs. Hughes.
1:27 PM Sandra: and where are u located
1:29 PM me: I am in the United States.
1:30 PM I think I mentioned that our church is in Florida.
Sandra: yeah
Father Jumani u are going to help me pls
1:31 PM i have some treasures that would love to give out too, for the work of God
me: Yes, I will do anything I can to help you as soon as we receive the membership form.
1:32 PM Sandra: it might not be been as far as i would fill the form
1:33 PM i will fill the form but it is really going to take some time to do so
me: Just take all the time you need, we are in no hurry.
1:34 PM Sandra: i see
but i need ur urgent assistance now
just little money
 $450
1:35 PM to take care of an urgent issue
me: I am sorry, but the church cannot help you unless you become a member. Those are
the rules. We will be happy to give you a donation of 450$ when you do become a
member, but until then, there is nothing I can do.
1:36 PM Sandra: may i talk to u on phone?
1:37 PM me: Yes, I have a meeting soon, but if you call on our main number, the clerk
should be able to tell you if I can receive your call.
Sandra: pls i want it done now
its urgent
1:38 PM because i need to let u know somethings
and am not allowed to speak on phene here
me: Yes, but Mrs. Hughes, please understand, there are many others in need of help, and
we're trying to accommodate as many as possible.
Sandra: but since i have the opportunity now
let me make use of it
me: Also, we have to give priority to those who have already completed the form.
1:40 PM Sandra: ok
i will do so
1:41 PM me: So please, the best thing you can do to promote your case, is to complete
the form and return it.
Sandra: i hope am able to fill it in a week because it is really large
me: Just do your best, even if it has to take a month. We will still be here, ready to help
you.
Sandra: thanks
if i may ask
1:42 PM me: Ask away.
Sandra: why are u people bent on helping people
me: This is what Jesus said.
1:43 PM You heard the story about the Samaritan, didn't you?
Sandra: yeah
me: That was Jesus' way of telling us, that we should help each other and believe in the
Lord.
1:45 PM "...and you shall walk this land and share what you have with those you meet that
shares your faith in the Lord. And He will see it and reward you in Heaven." Book of
Jedediah, 3:24
1:46 PM Sandra: there is a name of a father in the form u gave to me
if i contact him would he know i am the one?
1:47 PM me: Rev. Crockett?
He is the priest in charge of the membership department.
Just mail him the form, and remember the photo, and everything should be fine.
1:48 PM Sandra: what photo?
i will attach my photo?
1:57 PM me: Yes, I am sure I mentioned the photograph for you.
You are to include a recognizeable photograph of yourself.
1:58 PM Sandra: ok
me: Now, since we are dealing with people from all over the world through the internet,
this is usually done by holding a sign saying 'I follow Saint Baytor'.
 Sandra: i will do that and reaturn to you
1:59 PM follow saint Baytor
?
me: Yes, Saint Baytor is our patron saint.
2:02 PM Sandra: but the Almighty God is the name to serve and worship\
2:04 PM me: Yes, God is our Lord.
2:05 PM However, he has a Son, and we worship him as well.
Sandra: Jesus?
me: And just as He as a son, He has many saints to worship as well. Do you know what a
Saint is?
Yes, Jesus.
2:06 PM A Saint is a very good and very holy man or woman, which the Pope has
canonized to become a Saint, with divine inspiration from God.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Saint
2:07 PM Just like Saint Peter, or Saint Nicholaus.
Or Saint Lucia.
Saint Baytor was a very holy and generous man from Constantinople.
Sandra: yes\
2:08 PM me: He gave more than he could spare to the poor, and ultimately gave his life to
protect them from the Emperors soldiers.
This is why he is our patron saint, and this is why we involve ourselves in charity.-
2:10 PM Sandra: ok
i will have to read about it
me: I hope this help you to understand our Christian faith.
Anyway, I shall expect the form. When did you say you would finish it, a week form now?
2:11 PM Oh, I am sorry, my meeting is in10 minutes. I have to go.
Sandra: listen beloved
2:12 PM i must let you know that i do not own a scanner
me: God bless you, Mrs. Hughes, and please email me soon.
Sandra: and i do not have money to print out as much of this form'
fill it and scan to you
or send to you through mail
2:13 PM i would have loved to join u people
me: I am sorry, but there is nothing I can do until you become a member.
Sandra: but am financially down completely
ok
me: Now, I really have to go. Please email your questions to me.
2:14 PM Good bye.
Sandra: do pray for me to survive my ail ment
but if u don't hear from me, then
ok
take care
and God bless you
me: I will pray for you in tonight’s services, Mrs. Hughes. May the Flame of Udûn watch
over you.
God bless you and bring you healing.
Sandra: what is flame of udun?
me: Good bye for now.
Then silence for some days. I decide to poke him:
Fri, Sep 10, 2010 at 10:37 AM
Dear Mrs. Hughes,

I am writing because I still haven't received the membership form back from you. Do you
still wish to become a member?

Sincerely,
Father Jumani

Fri, Sep 10, 2010 at 11:44 AM

Hello Allof,

Yes am interested in becoming a member, but i am finding it difficult filling the form
considering that i am in a sick bed, so that is the only problem am having now.

Fri, Sep 10, 2010 at 12:22 PM

Dear Mrs. Hughes,

That is perfectly okay. Just take all the time you need, the money are reserved for you
personally, and will not go anywhere. Just return the form when you're ready.

God will bring you swift healing,

Father Jumani

I kinda gave up on the lad at this point. Then, almost a week later, he sends this, cc. Rev.
Crockett:

Thu, Sep 16, 2010 at 11:35 PM

Dear Father Jumani,

I am very sorry for thee delay in filling the membership form you sent to me,This was due
to my ill health.I am getting very better now and i have been able to fill and attach the form
for you.

Please advice me.The bold words in the form are my right options and I want you to tell
me how we can go on.

Looking forward to hearing from you soon.

Sandra Hughes

And what does he attach?

http://members.419eater.com/~thedane/sarah_hughes/HCHS_membership_form.doc
Not good enough. And 4 minutes later:
Thu, Sep 16, 2010 at 11:39 PM
Please get back to me on the membership form i sent to you

Ignore.

Sun, Sep 19, 2010 at 11:19 PM

Dear Father Jumani,

What is the problem?I have not recieved your mail.

Mrs. Sandra Hughes

Tue, Sep 21, 2010 at 3:26 PM

Dear Mrs. Hughes,

I am not in charge of the membership department - Rev. Crockett is, which is why you
were to send the application to him. However, he has been to a Christian conference in the
Vatican for the past week and just arrived back in the US yesterday. I am sure he will
review your application as soon as he can.

God bless you and give you patience,

Father Jumani

Tue, Sep 21, 2010 at 11:21 PM

Dear Father Jumani,

Thanks for your mail.I will be waiting to get the feedback and I have been worried about
the delay in your mail.Thank God is fine.

Yours in the lord,

Mrs. Hughes

Tue, Sep 21, 2010 at 11:24 PM

Dear Mrs. Hughes,

Thank you for your application for membership of our church. I am afraid that I am
unable to review your application, as it a) must be filled in your own handwriting,
scanned and then returned. You have typed it in Microsoft Word. b) It must be
signed. You have not signed it, merely typed your name, which is generally not
considered a valid signature. and finally c) The application have to include a
photograph of yourself as per Father Jumani's instructions.

Correct this, and I shall be happy to review your application.

Got lend you aid,

Rev. Crockett
Wed, Sep 22, 2010 at 12:54 PM
Dear Mrs. Hughes,

God bless you. I am certain that Rev. Crockett will get back to you as soon as he finds the
time.

Sincerely,
Father Jumani

Now the lad goes silent. Poke.

Tue, Sep 28, 2010 at 3:10 PM

Dear Mrs. Hughes,

I have not heard back from you. Do you still wish to become a member of our church?

Sincerely
Rec. Crockett

Noticed the mistype? A genuine typo, but look…

Wed, Sep 29, 2010 at 12:12 AM

Dear Rec. Crockett
I am presently on a christian retreat in Africa.That is the reason for the delay,but i will try
and send you the form as soon as possible.

Wed, Sep 29, 2010 at 9:22 AM

Dear Mrs. Hughes,

I shall await the form, then. I shall remind you,t hough, that the deadline is two weeks from
now, so a certain amount of speed is imperative.

Sincerely,
Rev. Crockett

Mon, Oct 4, 2010 at 12:34 PM

Dear rev,

I have managed to complete the form here.Please get back to me.

Mon, Oct 4, 2010 at 10:21 PM

Dear Father Jumani,

I have been able to correct and send back the member ship form to Rev. Crockett and i
hope he will get back to me.Please advice me on what to do.

Yours in the lord,

Mrs. Hughes

And here is the lad attached for me to laugh at while ignoring him:
such as your name, email address, password, credit card number, and bank account number, are not
disclosed to these third parties in a personally identifiable manner without your explicit consent.
By agreeing to our demands you give up the right to free speech. We have the right to use robots and
alien technology in an attempt to control your thoughts and actions. Further, we may send out notices to
you or other community members regarding suspicious activity or policy violations on the Site.
External Service Providers. There are a number of separate services offered by third parties that we refer
to as external service providers that may be complementary to your use of the Site (e.g. listing agents,
escrow, authentication, mediation, shipping, packaging). If you choose to use these separate services,
disclose information to the external service providers, and/or grant them permission to collect
information about you, then their use of your information is governed by their privacy policy. We do not
disclose your personal information to external service providers unless you provide your explicit
consent. With your consent we may provide some of your personal information to the external service
provider offering such services, for your convenience. To prevent our disclosure of your personal
information to an external service provider, you can decline such consent or simply not use their
services. Because we do not control the privacy practices of these third parties, you should evaluate their
practices before deciding to use their services. Users who register on an HCHS co-branded web site (for
example, CompuServe, AOL.com, and AOL) grant HCHS permission to pass your email address back
to that co-branded web site. The use of your email address by the co-brand web sites is limited by their
applicable privacy policies.
Internal Service Providers for Our Operations. We may use third parties that we refer to as internal
service providers to facilitate or outsource one or more aspects of the business, product and service
operations that we provide to you (e.g., search technology, discussion boards, bill collection, affiliate
and rewards programs, co-branded credit cards) and therefore we may provide some of your personal
information directly to these internal service providers. These internal service providers' are subject to
confidentiality agreements with us and other legal restrictions that prohibit their use of the information
we provide them for any other purpose except to facilitate the specific outsourced HCHS related
operation, unless you have explicitly agreed or given your prior permission to them for additional uses.
In some instances, the internal service provider may collect information directly from you (such as for
HCHS surveys or for a co-branded credit card). In these cases, you will be notified of the involvement
of the internal service provider, and all additional information you provide them and their additional
uses will be strictly up to you. If you provide additional information to an internal service provider
directly, then their use of your personal information is governed by their applicable privacy policy.
Wed, Oct 6, 2010 at 12:34 AM
Dear Rev. Crockett,

I have you have been able to review my application?I want to hear from you.

Mrs. Hughes

Wed, Oct 6, 2010 at 11:56 AM

Dear. Mrs. Hughes,

I can confirm that I have received your application, and it is undergoing reviewal as I write
you this. You should receive the conclusion in a matter of days.

May God watch over you,

Rev. Crockett

Thu, Oct 7, 2010 at 10:43 AM

Dear Mrs. Hughes,

I have asked Rev. Crockett, and he is reviewing your application. You should have his
reply after the weekend.

The Lord watch over you,

Rev. Crockett
Another unintentional mistype. Lad doesn’t seem to notice.

I had a lad on a safari to think of, so I let him roast for a week or so.

Fri, Oct 15, 2010 at 12:31 PM

Dear Mrs. Hughes,

The board has approved your membership, pending a picture as per Father Jumani's
instructions. I did not think that we would have to do this, but since you are a member that
is out of country, we have to have a picture of you. I asked if the picture you sent would do
and they said that it would not. I then a simple passport scan would do, but the rejected
this as well. We must have a photo that we can identify that it is truly you sir. So we will
have you hold up a password on a sign that says the following: "I follow Saint Baytor".
Upon receipt of your pictures, you will be eligible for monthly donations. You have gone
through such great lengths to join our church, and we appreciate it. Because of that, if the
board approves of your pictures, which I am sure that they will, you will receive a monthly
donation of $1000-$5000. The amount depends on your need. You can have it wired
directly to a bank account or a check can be mailed to you. If you have a different payment
preferrence, then please let me know.

God bless, and thank you for everything,

Rev. Crockett

Mon, Oct 18, 2010 at 5:22 AM

Dear Rev. Crockett,

Thank you so much for your mail and God bless you.I am very happy to come to the
internet today and see your mail that the board has approved my membership.I am very
happy to be one of the church members.I will have the pic send to you later.

Yours Sister,
Mrs Sandra Hughes.

Mon, Oct 18, 2010 at 11:15 PM

Dear Rev. Crockett,

I must confess to you that i am really very happy when i found your mail that my
membership has been approved by the board.I send my attach photo for you.It is so nice
to be a member.

God bless you and get back to be soon.

Your Sister,
Sandra Hughes
Ignore.

Wed, Oct 20, 2010 at 10:31 PM

Dear Rev. Crockett,

How are you today?Blessings in the lord.I am waiting for your mail,Please let me hear
from you.

Yours Sister,
Mrs Sandra Hughes.

Wed, Oct 20, 2010 at 11:09 PM

Mrs. Hughes,

I just received the submitted photography back from our staff engineers. I am afraid that
their verdict is clear: They say that the photography is forged.
The writing on the photography has been added after the photography was taken, and
furthermore, the woman on the photograph is not the same as on the first photograph you
submitted.
The church board is rather upset about this, and initially they required that the application
processs was aborted, but I have been able to convince them to give you another chance.
So I need you to submit a photograph of yourself holding said sign, before we can
continue this.

Sincerely,
Rev. D. Crockett

Thu, Oct 21, 2010 at 11:12 PM

Dear Rev. D. Crockett,

Thanks for your mail.I must tell you that the whole of this process has become so
difficult for me because i am an oversea member the church has not been
comfortable with me.The first photo i sent is the photo i took with my phone and the
second one with a digital camera and still you are not ok with it.

I am sorry i can not take another photo because you will still not be ok with it.I spend
money and time trying to do this and the only chance and solution to this is when i
appear in person to the church board members and to do that i will have to get the first
donation which will help to facilitate my travel expenses down there.

You can help me for this if you love me as a member and if you know surely that i am
not being victimized.Make me a temporal member and allow me the first donation and if
after 3weeks from the first donation i happen to appear before the board of the church in
person the board will now make me a permanent member.

I will be very grateful if this request is granted to me.I look forward to hear from you as
soon as you get this mail.

Your Sister,
Sandra Hughes

What? No more photos? Time for a slap!

Fri, Oct 22, 2010 at 1:07 AM

Mrs. Hughes,

The people who scrutinized your photographs are trained engineers and they know what
they’re talking about when they say, that the pictures you sent are NOT genuine. This is
the verdict of photographic experts, and I am shocked that you actually dare to dispute
this. Furthermore, you claim that the first picture is taken on your cellphone. This is
impossible, as you are NOT holding a cellphone in the picture! I don’t know why you are
trying to do this or what game you are playing – your membership has already been
approved and the amount has been reserved.
Now, we are Christians and as such we are forgiving people, so we will accept you
sending us a new picture. But be aware that this is a last chance, and that we will not
accept a new forgery. We will be ok with any photo you provide, as long as you are
holding a sign with the passcode and that the picture is genuine. We are Christian people
with readiness to forgive, but be aware that you must be honest and genuine this time.

As for paying you in advance, I am afraid that it is out of the question. We have already
lost a substantial amount of money on internet fraud 2 years ago. Sadly, there are people
out there who does not think twice before swindling a House of God, and this is why we
have implemented the photo security modality, as we cannot risk this once again. So in
order to accept overseas members we have to have certain security measures. I am sure
you understand this. You are, however, welcome to visit our Church at your own expense.

Until you us me a picture with the passcode: "I follow Saint Baytor" this Churchwill not do
business with you. The picture you sent me could be anybody. I want you to understand
that if you do not send that picture, then you will not receive the church's help. I
appreciate you filling out the form, but please, we need a picture. We have $100,000 at
your disposal. This is a small task considering. Send the picture, or we shall cease
business.

Good Day Ma’am!

Mon, Oct 25, 2010 at 10:16 PM

Dear Rev.

Thank you so much for your mail.I really do not want how you want me to carry on
with this.I have been very happy as a member of your church and i will like this
membership to be confirmed.I will do what you instructed me to do and i want you to know
that i have been winning souls here who are very ready to work with me.

Can you still accept another good and reliable member into the church?I have somebody
that is very interested and will like to be a member.Please advice him.How are you
people geting well over there and i still want to ask that you said i will be getting a
motivation of
1,000 to5,000$ ever month and again you told me that the church has set aside 100,000$
for me.I am not very clear about it and why do I need all this fund?

May God bless you.

Yours Sister in the Lord.

Sandra Hughes.

Introducing himself as a friend, huh? And withdrawing his scam character from the bait?
Good! It will make it a lot easier for me to get things moving!
Wed, Oct 27, 2010 at 10:45 AM
Dear Mrs. Hughes,

We are always ready to welcome new members to our faith. The person in question must
fill the same form as you did, and follow the same guidlines, including those regarding the
photography you yourself still are to submit. Who is the person you are thinking about?

The monthly donation (not motivation) is something we do for people in the Third World, as
we are painfully aware of the struggling people from these countries has to go through.
The rest of the money are reserved to cover expenses in connection with establishing a
chapter of our organization in your local area.

God bless you,

Rev. Crockett

Thu, Oct 28, 2010 at 11:28 PM

Dear Rev. Crockett

Thanks for your mail.I must tell you that i am very happy and proud of the church.

For the interested person,He is bro. ikeji Alexander.I meet him at the christian
convention i attended in Africa and also he was here for his one month leave.He is a
very interesting and honest person and he is also a social worker.

I had referred him to you but he said you did not respond well to him and asked if you still
accept now members to the church.You can contact him on his email address
xxxxx@gmail.com OR xxxxx@yahoo.com he also said something about your phone
number so he can talk to you on phone.So please forward to him the membership form
and tell him the process.

God will surely give you more blessings as a worker of God.

Your sister in the lord,

Sandra Hughes.

Ignore.

Sat, Oct 30, 2010 at 11:46 PM

Dear Rev. Crockett

How are you today my rev. Have you been able to make a contact to bro. ikeji Alexander
Through his email? I am working so hard here and I believe is nice to hear from you.May
God bless you and the church.

Your sister in the lord,

Sandra Hughes
Mon, Nov 1, 2010 at 10:58 AM
Dear Mrs. Hughes,

I will write him shortly. How is your photograph coming up?

Sincerely,
Rev. Crockett

So let’s mail his “friend”:

Mon, Nov 1, 2010 at 11:03 AM

Mr. Alexander,

I am writing you because I got your mail address from one Mrs. Sandra Hughes, who is in
the process of joining our Church. As Mrs. Hughes wants us to spread the word of our
Savior to you, I have taken the liberty of attaching a membership application form for your
convenience.

As a member, you will be entitled to a monthly offering, just as we are obliged to lend any
aid we can, should you decide to establish a mission at your location.

If you have any questions, feel free to contact me.

Sincerely,
Rev. D. Crockett
Hollow Church of the Holy Smoke
Sain Baytor Chapter

Enter Ikeji Alexander:

Mon, Nov 1, 2010 at 9:59 PM

Dear Rev. D. Crockett,

Thanks for your lovely mail and i thank you and the church for giving me a great
opportunity of becoming a member of the church.I promise to work accordingly and again i
wilbe happy to have the chance of spreading to gosple in my area.

I will fill out the form and send to you in few days.Again i want to say big thanks.

Sincerely,
Bro. Alexander.

Tue, Nov 2, 2010 at 2:13 PM

Dear Alexander,

God bless you. I await your application.

Give my regards to Mrs. Hughes.

May the Flame of Udûn watch over you.

Sincerely,
Rev. D. Crockett

Sun, Nov 7, 2010 at 4:44 PM

Dear Rev. D. Crockett,

I Thank you for you cooperation and kind help towards my membership of the church. I
tried calling you on the phone serverally but i was always prompted to drop a message on
a voice mail.

Please Get back to me on My attach application.God bless you and the church.

Bro. Alexander.

Ok, this is the second time he fills out the form…

Ignore.

Wed, Nov 10, 2010 at 10:23 PM

Dear Rev. D. Crockett,

I summited by application and i still have not received your feed back.I hope the appication
gets to you?

Bro. Alexander

Thu, Nov 11, 2010 at 7:14 PM

Dear Alexander,

Your application is now ready to be reviewed by the Church Board, but I have to let you
know, that you haven't provided the required photo.
The photo we need must be of you holding a sign with the text "I follow Saint Baytor". This
is due to the nature of our Internet application process, as we have to be sure that the
applicants are real. Our charity program has been the victim of fraud a couple of years
ago, which is why we had to take these necessary steps. I am sure you understand - the
Devil lurks in every shadow and around every corner.

May our Lord watch over you,

Rev. D. Crockett

Fri, Nov 12, 2010 at 3:56 AM

Subject: please forgive me and also the church for my false presentation of my
photograph
Dear Rev.

I am very sorry for not writing you mail all this while and please forgive me and also the
church for my false presentation of my photograph. The problem i had was that a friend
decived me and told me that that church is a false church.This is because mrs sarah
Franklyn has naver been a christain.

However i am out for real and i attach my real photo here as you instructed.Please forgive
me ones again.This time i hope that i will be considered for a full membership of HCHS
and given the opportunity to work.

Please let the church forgive me and pray for me.Send me a reply mail.

I AM A PROUD AND TRUE FOLLOWER OF SAINT BAYTOR.I FOLLOW SAINT

BAYTOR.

Thank you and God bless you as you work for the Church and do his work.
Your Sister in The Lord,
Sandra Hughes
He keeps trying…

Sat, Nov 13, 2010 at 4:03 AM

Dear Rev. D. Crockett,

I do not know earlier of the photo you want me to take. I the one I know is the one on the
membership form i.e is a photo with my hand on my forehead.

But i will have to work according to your instruction. Please find attachment of the photo
you needed.

Bro. Alexander
ATTABOY!! Time to reward and punish…
Sun, Nov 14, 2010 at 10:35 PM
Dear rev.

Please i want to know the decision of the church board on my

photography.I am sure i will be granted full membership this time and
given the chance to work as a member of the church.

Yours Sister in the Lord.

Mrs Sandra Hughes.

Tue, Nov 16, 2010 at 10:21 AM

Mrs. Hughes,

Our engineers has yet again determined that the photo you sent is indeed yet again
a facsimile. We will need a genuine photo in order to complete the application process. I
don't know why you can't just do as Brother Alexander and send us a genuine photo.

Sincerely,
Rev. Crockett
Tue, Nov 16, 2010 at 9:25 PM
Dear Rev,

Thanks for your email, I want to let you know that that is a genuine photo of me.
Please tell me what is wrong with that photo and i will be ready to correct it.

But to the truth of God, That is my genuine photo. Let me know what is not genuine about
that photo.

Yours Sister in the Lord.

Sandra Hughes.

Wed, Nov 17, 2010 at 12:31 AM

Dear Mr. Alexander,

The Lord have blessed this day! I am happy to welcome you as a probational member
of the Hollow Church of Holy Smoke - Saint Baytor Chapter.
Preparations for the transfer of the first offering to you is being made, so that it will be
ready when you have completed the sacred ritual and become a full member.
I will forward further instructions regarding the ritual within a few days.

Welcome to our Church.

God bless you.
Sincerely
Rev. Crockett

Fri, Nov 19, 2010 at 3:11 PM

Dear Brother Alexander,

Did you get my previous mail?

Sincerely,
Rev. Crockett

Fri, Nov 19, 2010 at 9:19 PM

Dear Rev.David Crockett,

I got your mail and i am happy about the development. I am waiting for your mail about
the sacred rituals with will make me a full member of the Church.

Thanks so much and lord bless you.

Bro. Alexander

Ignore.
Fri, Nov 19, 2010 at 3:10 PM
Mrs. Hughes,

Our image forensics are telling me, that the text sign has been
altered. Is this the case?

Sincerely,
Rev. Crockett

Sat, Nov 20, 2010 at 2:51 AM

Dear Rev.,

The text sign are naver ultered. Take a good look at it again and see.

Mon, Nov 22, 2010 at 2:40 PM

Mrs. Hughes,

I have looked on your photo, but the verdict is not mine - it is that of our Photoforensic
Engineers. They are trained professionals, and they say that the photo is not genuine.
Considering the false photo's you have submitted previously, I tend to think that they are
right.

Brother Alexander could serve as an outstanding example to you. He went through

the application process as a charm.

Sincerely,
R. Crockett

Mon, Nov 22, 2010 at 9:31 PM

Dear Rev.David Crockett,

Please send me the instructions regarding the sacred rituals.

Bro. Alexander.

Ignore.

Fri, Nov 26, 2010 at 5:45 AM

Please tell me when i will become a full member of the church. I am still expecting your
mail regarding the sacred retuals as you said.

Bro. Alaxander

Ignore.
Thu, Dec 2, 2010 at 2:06 PM
Dear Rev.David Crockett,
Hope you are in good health? I have been waiting to hear from you but for some days now
i have not received you mail. This is making me to be worried.

Please at this point, send me a mail regarding the sacred retuals as you said in your last
mail.
I want to complete my application process. Send me a mail.

Bro. Alexander.

Sat, Dec 4, 2010 at 6:06 PM

Dearest Brother Alexander,

First, let me apologize for the delay, as I am terribly sorry to have kept you waiting. I was
called away due to a sudden death in the family (my brother), and I haven't been able to
answer mails in the meantime. I was chosen to do the services since I am a priest, and
have been busy with this as well as emptying the house of my late brother and mourning
for a week, as it is required in our Faith. I am sorry if you feel I have been wasting your
time due to this. May our Lord forgive me.

The Sacred Ritual is actually rather simple, thanks to the divine inspiration from God. You
must strip yourself of your clothes, except for your underwear (as we don't solicit
indecency). After this, you are to take a cleansing "bath" in smoke. This is to celebrate our
patron saint, who was burned at the stake but the Romans. You will probably need a
helper to blow the smoke on to your body. After this, your helper will have to our goat
milk over your head (a pint is usually enough), to end the Sacred Initiation.
While all this is done, God bless you, you must read out loud the following verse from
Ezekiel 25:17
"The path of the righteous man is beset on all sides by the inequities of the selfish and the
tyranny of evil men. Blessed is he who, in the name of charity and good will, shepherds the
weak through the valley of the darkness, for he is truly his brother's keeper and the finder
of lost children. And I will strike down upon thee with great vengeance and furious anger
those who attempt to poison and destroy My brothers. And you will know I am the Lord
when I lay My vengeance upon you."
Read it over and over until the ritual is done.

The board will need documentation of the ritual, either in form of a recorded video or
pictures of the various steps of the ritual.

If you have any questions, do not hesitate to ask.

May God reward you,

Rev. D. Crockett
Mon, Dec 6, 2010 at 7:35 PM
Dear Brother Alexander,

I have not heard back from you yet - did you receive the mail I sent you with the
instructions?

Sincerely,
Rev. Crockett

Tue, Dec 7, 2010 at 9:24 PM

Thank you and God bless you for your mail. I was really shock about the death of your
brother and i advise you to take heart and may the dead rest in the Lord.

I received your mail regarding the instruction on the sacred rituals. I will get a friend that
will serve as a helper to me and i also understand the process. I will get back to you as
soon as i perform it.

Ones again sorry for the shock of the death of your brother. May the Lord be with you.

Bro. Alexander.

Wed, Dec 8, 2010 at 11:50 AM

Dear Brother Alexander,

Thank you for your heartwarming condolences from me and my family.

I forgot to mention, that it is important that you document the ritual by take
photographs in the process. Will this be a problem?

Sincerely,
Rev. D. Crockett

Fri, Dec 10, 2010 at 1:18 PM

Dear Rev. D. Crockett,

Thanks for mail. i will take a photo in the process and y tomorrow my friend will come
and help me for that. i want to let you know that the smoke can not appear in the photo but
the one of goat milk will do as well as the one for reading the verse in Ezekiel. So i will
send you two photo tomorrow. i hope i will not be required of any thing again after this. So
let this see the completion of my membership through.

I will like a phone conversation with you. Please call me on +2347031613697 i will be glad
to speak to you.

Bro. Alexander
Sat, Dec 11, 2010 at 8:01 PM
Dear Brother Alexander,

I have tried to call you several times, but I have been unable to get
a good connection. I will keep trying.

I await the photographs. I a not sure about what the board will say about the missing
smoke, though, as it is a crucial symbol of our faith. I hope you will be able to make the
smoke visible.
After you deliver the photographs, you will have become a full member of our church. You
can choose to enter our Inner Circles, if you will, but that takes a new ritual. It is not
necessary, though, as you will have full access to our donation program as a full member.

Sincerely,
Rev. D. Crockett

Sun, Dec 12, 2010 at 5:41 PM

Dear Rev. D. Crockett,

To God be the glory. I have completed my sacred rituals as you directed me and i
have been cleansed.

I got a friend as my helper and after taking a cleansing bath in smoke to celebrate our
patron saint. He help to pour me a goat milk over my head and ended it by reading the
Ezekiel 25:17.

Please find attach photos as documentation of some of the process. I hope this is OK to
complete my membership process.Please at this point send me a mail. My phone is
+234xxx1613697 OR +234xxx3010850 and I will need you to send me your direct phnoe
number.

Thanks for your help and co_operation and may the Lord help us.

Bro. Alexander.

WARNING! IMMEDIATELY SINK ANY FLUID IN MOUTH

Ignore.

Mon, Dec 13, 2010 at 7:23 PM

Dear Rev. D. Crockett,

Thanks and God bless you. To God be the glory i have been able to make the smoke
visible i hope i am now a full member.

Please get bak to me.

Bro. Alexander
Ignore.

And here comes the best part….

It’s “To be continued”. ;)