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February 2, 2008 ² Shahrzad

Excellent

Looking for a book in my library, I found a notebook of

years back. The years of university when I was a Bsc
student. Finding that notebook which has too many
daily notes of those years, reminded me of many
memories. While I was flipping pages, I found an
interesting note there: 30 tips to have a perfect
personality..

They are some tips that I wrote them at the age of 18

years old. I just wanted to work on myself and improve
what I am. I used to check back them now and then,
change some tips and add some other tips. Interesting to
look back to the age. Now i can see how much i changed.
But still i am not completely fitted with the list.

c




 


 Perfect persons love everything in their life. They love Cities, Villages, plains, deserts, oceans,
mountains, animals and every thing in the nature. They generally love life

 They never complain and don¶t waste their time with moaning. They never wish to be other
person. . They don¶t have barriers in their mind.

c They are always excited for what they are doing.

 They don¶t get bored. They find something to do even in boring moments. They hate showing
off and pretending to enjoy. They enjoy realities.

 They are independent and dont feel guilty. They don¶t punish themselves.

 They live in the present time and are not worried about the future.

 They are not afraid of unknowns and always search for new experiences. They love
mysterious things.

 They are not ignorant and stupid.

è They don¶t enforce their love to beloves. Free from expectations, their relationship is based on
free choice and mutual respect.

  Their private corner is very important for them. Sometimes they really love to be alone with
the self.

 They don¶t fall in love several times. Usually they fall in love once and forever.


They are restrict to choose the beloved. But they love heartily and sincerely. Their love to
their beloves will never end.

c Their way in life is not judgmental. They also don¶t care about others¶ judgment and don¶t
need people¶s admiration and sympathy. They don¶t need to make all people satisfied. They
always say what they want and are not scared to proclaim their ideas.

 They are honest, frank and straightforward. They live based on their wishes and ideas.


They are not stubborn. But they choose their way by own.


They ignore stupid traditions and irrelevant barriers.


There is an account in the bank for them. But they don¶t kill themselves to make it full of
money. Money is the last thing they care for.

 Seriously and attentively, they¶re wise, open-minded and practical.

è They know how to laugh and make laugh. They like to tease people. But their way is not bcs
of enmity or hatred. They never ridicule others. They don¶t laugh at people, but they laugh with
them. People enjoy to be with them, bcs they make joyful atmosphere around themselves.

 
Routine life is not their way. They love variety.

 This life for them is a temporary time. Working hard to be better person, they never take life
serious.

 They dont say sorry for what they really love to have.

c Facing the problems, They don¶t get emotional and confused. They fight and win over
problems. But they also don¶t fight to take ineffectual and unfruitful goals. They are not
essentially hero/heroine. Yet they are active and supportive.

 Life for them is not living on surface. They usually go for content and know how to live.

 They are crative and imaginative. For anything, They use their mind and their power of
thinking. They are powerful, strong and full of energy.
 They need less sleep and they are healthy. There is no way for depression.

 They don¶t put people in groups and don¶t blame them.

 Thirsty to know, They love to learn more and more. They are very curious and are not afraid
of failure. They are mostly learner instead of teacher.

è They have strong relationship with God. They love nature and the world.

c  They accept what they are. They love themselves and try to be best. The most natural people,
They are themselves and not anybody else.

Perfect none.

Ideal some.

1. clean conscience
2. Spiritual (not only religious) connections
3. Does not need to be a C.E.O. but has a career in which the economy does not affect the individuals
livelihood.
4. Healthy relationships with friends and family, including significant other.
5. Can openly discuss all issues (i.e. social, economical) and take action on improvements.
6. Can enjoy life without running out of breath, or needing an escape to feel good (food, drug, other
addictions)
7. Can accept their own mistake, and other's mistakes, and adjust accordingly.
8. Can grab their own failures and turn them into something productive for themselves and others.
9. Can spend time with anyone regardless of their creed or fashion.
10. Can think on their feet and give scenarios and opportunities to new concepts.

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In 29 countries1 around the world, it is illegal for a parent, teacher, or anyone else to spank a
child, and 113 countries prohibit corporal punishment in schools. Yet in all of North America,
physical punishment by a parent, as long as it is not severe, is still seen by many as necessary
discipline, and condoned, or sadly, even encouraged.
For the past several years, many psychiatrists, sociological researchers, and parents
have recommended that we seriously consider banning the physical punishment of
children. The most important reason, according to Dr. Peter Newell, coordinator of the
organization End Punishment of Children (EPOCH)2, is that "all people have the right to
protection of their physical integrity, and children are people too."3

1. Hitting children teaches them to become hitters themselves. Extensive research data
is now available to support a direct correlation between corporal punishment in
childhood and aggressive or violent behavior in the teenage and adult years. Virtually all
of the most dangerous criminals were regularly threatened and punished in childhood. It
is nature's plan that children learn attitudes and behaviors through observation and
imitation of their parents' actions, for good or ill. Thus it is the responsibility of parents to
set an example of empathy and wisdom.

@. In many cases of so-called "bad behavior", the child is simply responding in the only
way he can, given his age and experience, to neglect of basic needs. Among these
needs are: proper sleep and nutrition, treatment of hidden allergy, fresh air, exercise,
and sufficient freedom to explore the world around him. But his greatest need is for his
parents' undivided attention. In these busy times, few children receive sufficient time
and attention from their parents, who are often too distracted by their own problems and
worries to treat their children with patience and empathy. It is surely wrong and unfair to
punish a child for responding in a natural way to having important needs neglected. For
this reason, punishment is not only ineffective in the long run, it is also clearly unjust.

c. Punishment distracts the child from learning how to resolve conflict in an effective
and humane way. As the educator John Holt wrote, "When we make a child afraid, we
stop learning dead in its tracks." A punished child becomes preoccupied with feelings of
anger and fantasies of revenge, and is thus deprived of the opportunity to learn more
effective methods of solving the problem at hand. Thus, a punished child learns little
about how to handle or prevent similar situations in the future.

Œ.Thephrase "Spare the rod and spoil the child" is not from the Bible but from Samuel
Butler's "Hudibras", a 17th Century satirical poem. The poem, like his novel, Ê

 

 , was written to expose and denounce violence against children. Ironically, this
phrase is now used to justify corporal punishment and other punitive actions against
children.

£. Punishment interferes with the bond between parent and child, as it is not human
nature to feel loving toward someone who hurts us. The true spirit of cooperation which
every parent desires can arise only through a strong bond based on mutual feelings of
love and respect. Punishment, even when it appears to work, can produce only
superficially good behavior based on fear, which can only take place until the child is old
enough to resist. In contrast, cooperation based on respect will last permanently,
bringing many years of mutual happiness as the child and parent grow older.
º. Many parents never learned in their own childhood that there are positive ways of
relating to children. When punishment does not accomplish the desired goals, and if the
parent is unaware of alternative methods, punishment can escalate to more frequent
and dangerous actions against the child.

Ñ. Anger and frustration which cannot be safely expressed by a child become stored
inside; angry teenagers do not fall from the sky. Anger that has been accumulating for
many years can come as a shock to parents whose child now feels strong enough to
express this rage. Punishment may appear to produce "good behavior" in the early
years, but always at a high price, paid by parents and by society as a whole, as the
child enters adolescence and early adulthood.

R. Spanking on the buttocks, an erogenous zone in childhood, can create in the child's
mind an association between pain and sexual pleasure, and lead to difficulties in
adulthood. "Spanking wanted" ads in alternative newspapers attest to the sad
consequences of this confusion of pain and pleasure. If a child receives little parental
attention except when being punished, this will further merge the concepts of pain and
pleasure in the child's mind. A child in this situation will have little self-esteem, believing
he deserves nothing better. For more on this topic, see "The Sexual Dangers of
Spanking Children" (also in French).

Even relatively moderate spanking can be physically dangerous. Blows to the lower end
of the spinal column send shock waves along the length of the spine, and may injure the
child. The prevalence of lower back pain among adults in our society may well have its
origins in childhood punishment. Some children have become paralyzed through nerve
damage from spanking, and some have died after mild paddlings, due to undiagnosed
medical complications.

è. Physical punishment gives the dangerous and unfair message that "might makes
right", that it is permissible to hurt someone else, provided they are smaller and less
powerful than you are. The child then concludes that it is permissible to mistreat
younger or smaller children. When he becomes an adult, he can feel little compassion
for those less fortunate than he is, and fears those who are more powerful. This will
hinder the establishment of meaningful relationships so essential to an emotionally
fulfilling life.

10. Because children learn through parental modeling, physical punishment gives the
message that hitting is an appropriate way to express feelings and to solve problems. If
a child does not observe a parent solving problems in a creative and humane way, it
can be difficult for him to learn to do this himself. For this reason, unskilled parenting
often continues into the next generation.

Gentle instruction, supported by a strong foundation of love and respect, is the only truly
effective way to bring about commendable behavior based on strong inner values,
instead of superficially "good" behavior based only on fear.