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Cory Lane

November 5, 2007

Messages Section 1 Notes

Chapter 1: Listening Chapter 2: Self-Disclosure


• Four Kinds of Expression
• Listening is an essential skill • Self-disclosure implies: ○ Observations
for maintaining relationships ○ Communication with another ○ Thoughts
• Real listening is based on the ○ Transfer of new information ○ Feelings
intention to: ○ Truthfulness ○ Needs
○ Understand • Dimensions of “Self” • Whole Messages
○ Enjoy ○ Open Self: actions & words ○ All four types of expression
○ Learn ○ Blind Self: habits ○ Full disclosure
○ Help or Comfort ○ Hidden Self: secrets ○ Clear meaning
• Pseudo-listening is based on a ○ Unknown Self: subconscious ○ Partial message
need to: • Self-disclosure is shift of info  Omission of one or more
○ Make people like you from hidden self to open self types of expression that
○ Avoid rejection • Rewards of Self-Disclosure can lead to confusion
○ Hear something specific ○ Increased self-knowledge • Contaminated Messages
○ Be heard ○ Closer intimate relationships ○ Disguised expression
○ Be polite ○ Disclosure breeds disclosure ○ Hidden meaning
• Blocks to listening: ○ Lessening of guilt ○ Confusing
○ Comparing ○ Gain energy/relieve tension ○ Mismatch of content and
○ Mind reading • Blocks to self-disclosure tone
○ Rehearsing ○ Societal bias • Preparing Your Message
○ Filtering ○ Fear ○ Self-awareness
○ Judging ○ Repressed Feelings ○ Awareness of audience
○ Dreaming • Optimal Self-Disclosure ○ Awareness of setting
○ Identifying ○ Amount of self-disclosure • Rules for Effective Expression
○ Advising based on: ○ Direct messages
○ Put-downs or discounting  Personality  No assumptions about
○ Being Right  Mood obviousness of implied
○ Changing the subject  Situation/topic expression
○ Placating tone  Audience  No passive aggressiveness
○ Balance is key ○ Immediate messages
• Effective Listening
○ Active Listening • Practicing Self-disclosure  No delayed
○ Levels of disclosure: communication
 Paraphrasing
 Clarifying ?s  Informational  Avoid build-up of emotion
 Constructive Feedback  Past thoughts and feelings ○ Clear messages
○ Listening w/ empathy  Current thoughts and  No omission
feelings  No vagueness
○ Listening w/ openness
 Avoid loaded questions
 Considering another
 Congruency of content,
viewpoint
tone, and body language
○ Listening w/ awareness
 Avoid double messages
 Consider truthfulness,  Avoid hidden meanings
congruency of tone and  One topic at a time
content ○ Straight Messages
• Total Listening
 No hidden agendas
○ Eye contact
 Tell the truth
○ Lean forward ○ Supportive Messages
○ Nodding or paraphrasing  No labeling
○ Clarifying questions  Avoid sarcasm
○ Move away from distractions  Do not bring up the past
○ Commit to understanding  No negative comparisons
• Listening for Couples  No “You Messages”
○ Reciprocal Communication  No Threats
 Active Listening
 Taking Turns Chapter 3: Expressing

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