This book is dedicated to all of my friends.

Thankyou for
putting up with my crazy and annoyingness.
It is also for my mum who was driven up the wall by the
amount
of time it took. You are the best (if not most supportive)
mum :P
I would also like to thank my great friend Ally for the
amazing
cover art. You are the inspiration behind Anna.
Chapter one
24-3-05
Anna’s Diary
Dear Diary
Today I met a girl. Oh, gosh no, not like that. I am
not that way inclined. Today I made a new friend.
That better? It is a tad redundant. I mean, if you
make a friend it has to be new, right? Anyway, it
was on one of those chat room things, and despite
the fact I absolutely would never in my life be
caught in the virtual scene, I landed inside it today.
Surprisingly enough, it wasn’t all that bad. For a
day that was going downhill as fast as the wind, it
was somewhat exciting. The pros column for chat
rooms lengthened when I met this person. Firstly,
unlike me, she wasn’t a bit on the boring side of
things. For instance, her impeccable speech was
not tiring, or cliché (as sadly mine is) but
interesting and fresh. For some reason, she still
seemed to like me, perhaps because I was the
best specimen that iChat could dredge up today.
Did I mention that there was another guy on there
that had the entire collection of Lord of the Rings
books and movies in elvish? Anyway, she was
really friendly, and told me about this cool idea
she had. We would swap email addresses. The
catch was that the email address had to be
new. She had this grand idea of never knowing
who the other person was and building a
friendship entirely on anonymity. She wanted to
see if we were able to find connections
between us that weren’t material, but emotional
or philosophical. Then once we were as close as
possible, we would tell each other who we were.
Maybe then we would find we also had material
connections. Build up a whole friendship and
then either make it or break it by discovering
others true identities. She made me sign this
statement:
I, x, will not tell y, anything about my life. This means
I shall not tell her:
-Where I live
-My school. It is just “my school”
-Names of anyone I know. They must be referred
to as pronumerals. That’s all your friends are
becoming. Another statistic in life.
-Specific places eg. you call it my friends house,
not “My friend Joe’s house”
-The date on which things are to happen. I shall
just say ‘in the next week, or two’
-Surely you must get the picture, so ect. Writing
this plainly is killing me, and you hopefully are
not as dim as a dark thing and get the nub and
gist of the matter.
From now on, your name will be a-nony-mouse. I shall
be called nam-el-ess.
No amends shall be made to this contract. The only
time it shall be reviewed is the time it will be
removed. That day, we shall let the blindfolds down,
and see face to face. Maybe something amazing will
become of this friendship.
Signed
Nam-el-ess A-nony-mouse
On the other side of life, things are quite normal.
School is as tedious as usual, except today when
Lyza set her hair on fire. My life seems to have
ground to a halt. It is possible, despite the fact my
life was going nowhere anyway. At least this alias
will let me be someone different. Or maybe even
just be me.
Lyza’s Diary
May 24
1.20 pm
A-lol-ing
Ach so. If this is life then death may be the
better option. But then, anyone cooped up in Mrs
Dunn’s classroom would say that. I can even see
some of the preserved rats getting bored. We are
“meant” to be studying reactions between
chemicals with similar properties. Other than the
reactions going on between Kim and Matt, the
only thing I have discovered so far is that I will
be getting a new hair cut. No one told me that
there was the chance of fire in the reactions. I
have mourned for my hair, but really, I was
getting quite sick of the whole “side fringe and
layers” look. I think I shall go and chop it all off
completely. I might leave a small amount, maybe
an inch or two, just so I won’t look like a beach
ball. It is a time for change, and this is just the
way to begin.
2.30
English has become history
Poetry has been left at the hands the plague
Doesn’t it annoy you when people just won’t stand
up to conformation? Why should they have to
suffer at the expense of those above them, and
comply to the unwritten rules of society? The
reason is that they are too weak not to suffer. To
stand up for themselves now is impossible because it
was them in the first place that stood down to
others. Isn’t it ironic? Well I haven’t stood down yet,
and I don’t plan to. In English we were talking
about how injustice occurred, while in history we
were talking about people achieving justice. But the
Nazis used the unjust way to achieve justice. They
killed people to make other people equal. The
English won the war though, and stopped the
killing. The English changed history, but history
made the English.
Well, I am not yet history and I am not English.
So instead of letting the silent war of
conformation rage, I plan to write the unwritten
rules of society. And those rules won’t be the
ones they are now. These set of rules will be
justice done justly.
Dear Diary
26-3-05
Sometimes Lyza’s confronting attitude is too
much. I know she means well, and she is my best
friend, but her anti-conformist stand becomes a
bit much when she rocks up to school with an
inch of hair left on her head. She says that it is
only because she burnt her hair in science. I told
her that I liked it, and it was a change, and
when I said that she smiled like the cat who stole
the cream. I never read deeper into her
reactions, because if you read wrongly you only
end up more confused. But truthfully, I miss the
side-fringed, cute, fluffy, layers girl that I’ve known
since I was 10.
On the positive side, I have received the first email
from Nam-el-ess. Diary, as my most trusted
confidant, I will show you what she wrote:
Dear A-nony-mouse
Life is not what I thought it was 24 hours ago,
and neither am I. There are all sorts of reasons for
a change. But the most honest reason I have is I
hate the way the world is. Not that I love it and want
to make it better, but because I hate the world and
want to be able to love it. That is why I am all for
change. It sounds so corny, a school girl wanting to
change the world. And practically impossible. But I
know that I can make a difference, I only hope that I
will get my chance. Living is the longest thing you will
ever do. It is what you are doing all your life. Living.
People say life is short but I disagree. People who say
life is short are comparing it to the longest thing in
history, and that is time itself. How can the length of
a life compare to time? Therefore I say life is long,
and I am going to use mine to create a life I want to seem to be rude” Yet again, another person bowing
live. to the unwritten laws of society. It makes me sad
TTYL that it is a friend of mine. It also makes me
laugh as she is complying to these rules at my
Nam-el-ess
sake, when it is no secret I hate them myself.

I sat thinking about this letter for a while, and I

1.20
realized how true it was. But then I started
English
thinking about Lyza again. How is she doing
It is an obscure feeling to be woken up by the bell.
something that makes her long life useful? She
You feel yourself dozing off and then the next
wants change, but is it change that makes her life
thing you know the period is over. You wake up,
one she wants to live? I can’t tell anyone about
groan and realize that it would have been better if
these emails, but if I could, I would talk to Lyza
you had stayed asleep. I should know, I do it
about them. Maybe then she would channel her
want for change into something constructive. every geography lesson. The only time I am glad
to wake up is Fridays. My angel must have been
sitting next to the administrator when she gave
Lyza’s diary
me English on Friday afternoons.
My reports have always read “Could be an
March 27th
excellent student if only Elizabeth tried a little
harder”, except for English. That is, other than
10.30 am
the year I had Mrs. Kalahwey. I did NOT write
Mathematik!
that note though. It wasn’t my idea to nickname
I am beginning to suspect that Anna does not really
her Mrs. Killer whale, let alone draw the picture.
like my hair. She has been acting all awkward
Anna just got me to write it because she thought
around me, like she has something she wants to
I had better hand writing. When it came to
say but is too embarrassed to say it. It is amusing
‘fessing up, she should have taken the blame.
and annoying at the same time. We have been
She didn’t, but I let it blow over. I wouldn’t
friends all our lives; just spit it out why don’t you?
want to wreck a straight A student’s record, so I
But no. “Thou must not tell the truth or you will
figured that a fail wouldn’t do too much to
tarnish my D average.
1.30
English
I have news that may even make my mum happy.
News that means my D average may be raised to
a B-. We have been given a combined project. The
philosophy parts counts to our philosophy score, the
writing to our English. Finally the teachers have
knocked some sense into their brains and we are
writing a novelette based on the structure of
Sophie’s world. I have already written a chapter. I
am not going to show anyone though, not even
another piece of paper. You can’t tell who isn’t
looking.
Anna’s diary
27-3-05
Dear Diary
The only thing you really want is the thing you
don’t get. I wrote that today in English for my
project, and just as I was about to follow on with
the next sentence I realized how ironic that was.
You can’t want something you already have. So
the thing you most want will always be the thing
don’t get. The sad reality is that you can’t have
every thing and you must be happy with what
you have. I didn’t get an email from Nam-el-ess
today, so I was happy with the fact I was able to
give someone else what they might want, and
wrote her an email instead. I was just about to
sign out when I received a new email. This time I
got what I wanted, and felt glad because I had
given too.
Dear A-nony-mouse
We have conquered the greatest thing. The
language of English is ours, subject to the wrath
of nations. We have abused it in the most
beautiful ways possible. We have forced it into
rules and sung it into poems. We have
constricted it into 133t and moulded it into
metaphors. We have torn it apart and built it
together. It is ours for the taking, all we have to
do is use it. When the irrationality of science
and the reasoning of maths leaves us confused,
we can know that there is always English, to
simplify and expand ideas, to cause reactions
and reverse actions. English is the creation and
solution of all problems, and I am going to
change the world with the greatest weapon of them
all, English.
Lyza’s Diary
March 28th
2.30 pm
In bed- still
Writing
This philosophy business is tantalizing. I never
thought of philosophy as interesting. I never
considered philosophy as more than silly sentences
such as “I think, therefore I am” That sentence is
as useless as a pig saying “I am pink, therefore I
am ham” We all know it is true, so why is there
such a hullabaloo about it? I think the sentence
should be this instead “I am therefore I think”.
But thoughts unspoken go to waste, so I am
speaking out. This book will be a sensation. Even
my maths teacher will pass me for this novel.
Chapter two
Lyza’s diary
April fools day
He who laughs last thinks slowest
8.30am
Period one-Let the games begin
Once a year there is a particular occurrence at
Tanybryn. On the first of April things start to go
downhill. It is the turning point for the rest of the
year, when the students show the teachers how
the school is going to run. A studentocracy we call
it. It is nothing like a democracy, in which everyone
has a say. Instead it is runs on a hierarchy in which
no one has a say. With the teachers at the bottom,
the school is run by those who are the loudest, the
funniest, or just the scariest. This is dependant of
the results of April Fools day. The competition is
run like so:
each year level votes for an idea out of numerous
entries from their peers. Then, as a year level
they put it forward to the school. After a series
of well planned meetings, the day begins, and
havoc runs amuck. Years sevens always have
period one to begin the war. No one really knows
what is happening until the beginning of that
lesson, when your April Fools captain tells you
what the plan is. This year the year sevens had
a little piece of genius for us. In turn, each
person in the class has a shot at humming. If
the teacher picks up the sound, then the hummer
swaps to the next student. Mrs Dunn is about to
lose it because she can’t work it out, yet she
knows something is going on. The jitters are
getting really bad, and the period is less than
half over. It is my turn again in a minute, so I
better stop writing and prepare to send Mrs
Dunn over the edge.
9.20am
Period Two- Perspective change
I am beginning to think we ought to give the year
eights more credit for their brilliance. The vote
has been taken for the year sevens, and they are
on 20 points. A point is awarded if more than
half a class thinks the trick was successful. With
thirty classes in the school, they are looking so far
so good. As I was saying, it is now the year eights
go, and boy are they ambitious little kiddies. We
are meant to move our desks back a centimetre
each time the teacher turns to face the board. If this
keeps happing much longer, one of two things will
happen. Either the teachers will add an extra
period to Friday as to cover for all of the detentions
received or we will end up squished to the back
wall. I don’t like our chances of either thing
happening.
We are moving again, so Ttfn!
Score Update-10.10am
Yr 7s-20 (still in the lead)
Yr 8s-16 (not bad, a little over half the school
liked it)
10.40
Period three- You failed to teach us reading
The year nines attack is sweet and concise. To
let us prepare, we were told at break to take the
wrong books to class. My class took English to
maths. When we were asked to get out our
textbooks, we had to say, sorry miss, we are
unable too, we thought we had English. The
teachers must be having a hard day. I almost
feel sorry for them…no, actually, let them
SUFFER!!
11.30
Period four- ARGH, the year tens are coming!!!
Yes ladies and gentlemen, the year ten bonanza.
And the idea is mine, all mine. I didn’t think it
would pass, it is a textbook trick. But then, after
three years of being original, everyone has seemed
to run out of ideas. So, at intervals of one and a
half minutes, in each class across the school, the
April Fools captain would yell “ARGH it’s coming”
and the class had to run out the door screaming.
Then, once the whole class was out the door they
would say in unison, “Oh, we were wrong”, walk
back into the room and sit down.
Score Update- 12.10
Year 7- 20
Year 8- 16
Year 9- 10 (apparently too many people got into
trouble)
Year 10- 20 (draw…and it is my idea!!!)
1.00pm Form
Yikes…
Our form teacher has walked in looking rather
distressed. It must be the proceedings of today.
Anyone subject to that kind of cruelty would be
completely frazzled. But then, they deserve it.
Revenge is sweet, as people say.
1.20pm
Period five-Teacher Swap
In the history of Tanybryn, and maybe even
April fools days, this has to be the best trick
ever. We weren’t told about it until we showed
up to class. We arrived to find a year eleven
dressed as a teacher leading the lesson. But
where were the teachers? We were told that they
had been called to an emergency assembly
concerning their jobs. So that is why our form
teacher looked so stressed. The joke didn’t last
long, because the teachers realised that the
emergency assembly was a joke. It is rumoured
that the year elevens all have detentions on
Friday. It did get them a lot of votes though.
Sadly some classes had tests during that period, so
they weren’t too happy about having fifteen
minutes cut off the time. That left the year
elevens behind at 19 points.
2.10
Period six?
Period six is meant to be the climax of the day.
The time that the year twelves “rule the school”
with their final April fools celebrations at
Tanybryn. But instead nothing is happening. Our
teacher hasn’t arrived yet and there have been no
announcements about what is happening. I am
beginning to think that they year twelves have
decided study is more important than April fools.
2.12
Why has Mr Stevenson turned up to teach us
health? This isn’t right. Doesn’t he have Anna’s
Multimedia class at the moment? And WHY is
he writing sex on the board in capital letters?
This is going to be the most awkward lesson ever.
2.15
Oh gosh. He has dragged out the condoms and
bananas. “Girls, this is a very important lesson I
am teaching you today. Safe sex is one of the
keys to a healthy relationship.” The whole class
has deflated now. This cannot be happening. Oh
well, maybe it will result in more material for
my philosophy project at least.
Anna’s diary
1-4-05
Dear diary
Today was April fools, the biggest event at
Tanybryn, in the eyes of the students at least. It was
great. A muscial-tableshifting-bookingbringing-
screaming-and-lessonmuddled day. The weird bit
was that the year twelves didn’t do anything.
Normally that is the pinnacle of the day, where the
year twelves show the school what they have on
their last April Fools at Tanybryn. But instead it was
like they forgot. The only weird thing that
happened was I had the most technologically
impaired teacher for Multimedia. I thought she
had Lyza’s health class at the time. She started
writing on the board about computer programs.
Halfway through she realised that programs had
changed since the 1970s. It was odd. Lyza’s idea
won the competition when a year seven April
fools captain confessed to cheating so they
would win. She felt bad when it was so close, with
a draw.
I received an email from Nam-el-ess
today as well. It was talking about the hidden
purpose behind April Fools day.
Dear A-nony-mouse
Today is April fools day, and you are most
definitely the fool if you do not know that. So
why is there a day dedicated to making a fool of
people? I think it is all about role reversal. On
April fools day it is ok if you play a prank on
your boss, because on April fools day everyone
is made equal. No one is too significant to have a
joke played on them, and no one is too significant
to play a joke. Imagine if April fools day was
everyday of the year. Then people wouldn’t be
worried about status, or hierarchy. You wouldn’t
have to bow to the queen or look down your nose
at a homeless man. Everyone would allow the
jokes to be played on them and everyone would
play the jokes. Everyone would be equal, because
as on April fools day, no-one would be below or
above being a fool.
I can understand this. At Tanybryn, April fools is
all about showing the teachers we are equal.
Most people say it is about showing the teachers
we are better, but they have it wrong. All that most
students want is to be able to relate to the
teachers.
Chapter three
Anna’s diary
5-4-05
Dear diary
Two day’s till Lyza’s birthday. Everyone in our
group of friends has brought her something for the
formal. A fake tan, or earrings, make up, shoes or
jewelry. I am buying the dress we found for her the
other week. It is red and covered in random lines
that make no sense or pattern. I saw Lyza looking
at it. She was making pictures out of the lines. We
all agreed we should buy it for her, because there
is no way she could buy it herself. The idea
expanded until we had brought her a whole outfit
and makeover. No one else in her family thinks of
that stuff. Her dad passed away six years ago, and
her mum struggles to pay the bills. Her older
brother also ran off with a girl three years younger
than him when he was 20. She was pregnant
within the year and now he drops in to ask for
money every two weeks. Lyza’s mum is too nice to
refuse him, so Lyza and her little sister Shelly have
to look after themselves to keep the house
together. Her sister isn’t well either, always sick
with obscure diseases for weeks on end. Lyza
thinks no one notices what she does, but she
doesn’t go unnoticed. Her mother is proud of
her, and if Lyza realized that then she wouldn’t
worry so much. On the surface Lyza is a happy,
confident girl who must have a good life, you
would think. But there is much more than meets
the eye, even more than two inch long hair.
That’s why we don’t mind buying it all for her.
Because we all know what an angel she is
behind closed doors.
Lyza’s Diary
April 7th
10.00am
I can only hear one voice singing happy birthday
this morning, and that is mine. I have to be
happy on my birthday, it is another year I have
survived. I don’t know if grandpa will remember to
send me money this year. I need it for the
formal. I don’t know if my sister will be well
enough to eat cake, and I don’t know when mum
is going to get home from work. My niece is
coming around and although I don’t feel like
seeing my brother, I guess I have to. But enough
of this depressing stuff. I only allow myself to feel
it for a few moments each year on my birthday. I
have to keep going for the rest of the family.
So I better get ready to go out to lunch. Anna’s
picking me up, apparently they have something
special organised.
1.00
Here’s Anna now. We are going to her house
before we leave to go out, but I don’t know why.
She says she wants to give me her present herself.
Anna’s diary
7-4-05
Dear Diary,
I have to be quick. We are planning a surprise
party for Lyza. I have told her I want to give her
my present alone, and everyone is waiting at my
place to surprise her. It should be great, if she
doesn’t catch on. That girl has always been too
quick for her own good.
Lyza’s Diary
We are at Anna’s place now. I love Anna’s, it is
so nice that it is almost like a display home. I
wish I could live there with her normal family.
Oh well, I have Shelly and Mum, they are
enough.
The house is oddly quite. I have tramped up the
stairs to Anna’s room following behind her, so I
can’t see anything. I have never had a surprise
party, but I doubt that they would have
organised one for me. Why would anyone do such
a thing for me?
Anna’s Diary
Dear Diary,
You should have seen the look on her face. We
took some photos of it. That is the great thing
about cameras. They have lights that can go off
as part of the surprise so you can get “had to be
there” moments captured forever. It was so
exciting giving her her presents. She kept on
saying “I can’t believe you did this for me”. I sat
there thinking “how couldn’t we do this for you”. She
was telling me in the car how she was going to
spend the money from her grandfather on the stuff
for the formal, but she told me on the way out that
she was going to spend it on getting her sister
something for her birthday and the rest she would
put in her mum’s bank account. I want to tell her to
keep it, but she feels bad if she pleases herself
instead of
her whole family.
Lyza’s diary
5.30
This has been the best birthday since dad died. He
died a month after my tenth birthday. I always
thought it was my fault for not liking my presents
enough. I promised mum that I would like the
“My little pony set” more so that he would come
back. I still have this hunch that if I treasure
that horse enough he will return. I know it isn’t
going to happen, but you can’t let all hope go,
can you?
8.30
I wish my brother had never been born. He is
scum. He always asks mum for money to use for
Annabelle, but he never uses it for anything
except his gambling habit. I didn’t want him
wrecking my birthday so I gave him the $100
gift voucher that my friends gave me for
highlights. He can return it and take the money.
I didn’t really need them anyway, and it makes
me mad to see people upset on my birthday. I
don’t mind if it is me upset, but I don’t want
other people feeling guilty for wrecking my
birthday.
Chapter four
Anna’s Diary
10-4-05
Dear diary
This is a letter I received from Nam-el-ess. It was a
bit odd, she sounded distraught. I wish I could
help her but we aren’t allowed to tell each other
anything about our live, less it reveals who we
really are.
Dear A-nony-mouse
I hate the worry of life. I don’t seem to be able to
escape it. I want to get away from it, remove it
from my life. It is exhausting but at the same
time it is the only thing that keeps me going.
Without it I wouldn’t be able to keep going, but it
is the reason I have to focus on keeping going in
the first place. I don’t know what to do. Sometime
I feel as if I need to change everything in my life.
I think that is going to be my solution. I am
willing to put aside my wants for others needs, so
I hope that they will let me do what they need and
not worry about my wants.
Thanks for always listening
Nam-el-ess
I can understand why she is compelled to do
such a thing. She is fulfilling others needs
because that is her own want. But I know that if
you put all your needs aside to fulfil a want that
you have, no matter how noble the want, you
will still feel incomplete.
Lyza’s diary
April Tenth
I am excited about the English and philosophy
project, but I am worrying that I am letting my
family down by doing so much of it. I think that
I will have to prioritise. And family always
comes before school. Family comes before
everything. But when does that become going too
far? I don’t know.
Anna’s diary
11-4-05
Dear diary
It is a week and a half until the formal. We are all
getting so excited. I have a date, which is good.
But I always had a date; after being in the same
relationship for two years it is a given that you will
have a date to the formal. Some girls are still
looking though. Among those is Lyza. She has
never had a boyfriend because either she
doesn’t like anyone at the time, or then when she
likes someone she feels that she wouldn’t be able
to balance it with her life. It isn’t fair on her, and I
know tons of guys who would die for the chance
to go out with her. Mind you, if they died for her
how would they go out with her. But figuratively
speaking, you get the idea. I was going to set one
of my friends up with her, but he was busy on the
night. It was funny in a way. This guy had been
trying to get a date with her since year seven,
and on the one occasion she is willing to date him
he can’t make it. Lyza will be able to find
someone though, she has had boys falling at her
feet since she was nine years old. The x-factor,
they call it. She has always had it, and currently,
everything reasons that she always will.
Lyza’s diary
April Eleventh
I am not sure if I should get a date to the
formal. Anna tried to set me up with some guy,
but he was busy. I am glad. I was worried he
would expect more from me than one date. At
the moment I am too busy for a boyfriend. It is
just too hard to manage another relationship. I
am trying not to wreck the ones I am in, but I
am scared that I will have to start deciding
which ones I am going to keep and which ones I
won’t. I don’t want to lose Anna, but I can’t be
depended on by so many other girls in our
friendship group. I will have to start slowly
moving myself out of our friendship circle. I just
hope people don’t think I am being bitchy.
Anna’s diary
12-4-05
I have a new letter from Nam-el-ess. This one
sounds a bit more longing. I am hoping my
reply’s help, but I don’t know what I can do for
her when she isn’t able to tell me what is going
on. This situation is getting a bit ridiculous. What
good is a friend if they are unable to be there for
you?
Dear A-nony-mouse
Today I was watching the leaves on the trees
outside the classroom. Everyday of the year they
are changing in the colour and being blown
around the world, going places that I may never
even see. Inside the classroom, the only colours
that change are the ones behind my eyes. There I
see all of my hopes and dreams played out in a
box-office hit movie. I long to be the main
character in those films, but it is always someone
else. I will never reach my dreams. I am held down
by barring formulas and grammatical crevices
wallpapering the blackboards in prison colours. I
want to move on, and do something useful with
my life. I said the other day that I was going to
use my life to make the world a place I want to
live in. I have changed my ambitions. I want to
use my life to make the world a place others want
to live in. Then I will be happy too, because
happiness is infectious. At the moment though,
that is seemingly impossible. I am stuck in a
classroom. I need to move away from things
holding me down. I just don’t want to hurt
peoples feelings in the process.
Thank-you for always understanding
Nam-el-ess
Sometimes I wish I understood as much as she
thinks I do. Shouldn’t the classroom be her battle
ground for change? Instead of fighting the
system, shouldn’t she take what she has been
given and use it for her purposes? I am getting
more and more confused by this. Nam-el-ess
seems to have an ambitious spirit, kindred to the
likes of Lyza. Why is she unable to see all
opportunities where she is? I guess she looks too
far ahead of her. One day she is going to trip
over something right in front of her feet, and
who knows what will happen then.
Lyza’s diary
April Thirteenth
1.20
Maths
I guess having a date to the formal isn’t n issue
anymore. As always, trouble finds me. This time
in the form of another relationship I don’t want. It
is kind of Anna’s fault; she had to go and ask
Jordan if he would be my date. When he said he
was busy I was glad, but of course, he was peeved
that he had other arrangements, he would have
died at the chance any other time. He has been
after me since I was in year seven. It is ridiculous;
I have been eschewing him with a firm hand for
three years, and yet he still wants me. So it
happens that while he is whining to his friends,
one of them hears that I am dateless for the
formal. Sadly Adam has also had a crush on me,
on and off since we were nine. Of course, he had
to ask me if I would like him to be my escort, and
I couldn’t say no. I will have to lay down the law
with him that I will not be going on any further
dates!
Anna’s diary
 15-4-05
Dear Diary
It is one week to the formal. Lyza was meant to
be getting highlights on Saturday but she came
to school without them. I am wondering what
happened. I will ask her later today, but I am
sure that Emily won’t be happy about the $100
she spent buying the gift certificate. I will have to
ask Lyza by myself sometime so that I can
explain to Emily. That way, hopefully no one will
get into a fight.
I also got another letter from Nam-el-ess.
Dear A-nony-mouse
Life has a way of throwing your happiness
around. Actions you make one minute for your
own happiness come back and take it from you
the next. This is why I have chosen to only do
things for other people’s happiness. But
sometimes, just sometimes, those actions can
take your happiness away too.
Luv Nam-el-ess
I wonder what has happened to make her think
like this. How can the happiness of others take
away yours?
Lyza’s diary
April Fifteenth
9.20
I could see them staring at me all of period one.
At my hair. It seems that sometimes that is not
there is more interesting than what is. I can’t
confess to them why I don’t have the highlights.
They would be mad at me for being so weak. But
what do I say? That I didn’t want them? That
would hurt them more.
10.10 am
Recess
I can see Anna approaching me. I can’t deal
with her at the moment, her sincere and
innocent openness. She has never been scared to
speak her opinion out, but that has never
mattered. Because normally she is right, never
does she twist the truth, embellish a point or
change her morals to suit the point she wants to
make. She is too honest, and kind. That is why
I can’t stand her right now. And also because I
have realised she isn’t the one stepping down to
the unwritten laws of society. I am.
10.20
Anna has found me anyway. She is approaching
slowly, looking at me as if she knows that I
don’t want her here right now. And she probably
does; we have been friends so long we can almost
read each others minds. I am going to have to
face up to this. “So what happened to the
highlights, Lyzie?” I stumble over my answer.
What am I going to say? But I know she can
tell when I lie, so I say in a voice that is slightly
too loud “I gave it to that bastard brother of mine
because I couldn’t bear him making my mother
upset on my birthday!” She doesn’t tell me off.
She doesn’t say a thing. She sits down beside me
and starts to cry. “What will we do?” she says
10.30
I couldn’t stand it. I saw the only person who
wasn’t allowed to cry crying. Seeing that was like
I had been told Santa wasn’t real, the Easter
bunny didn’t exist and the tooth fairy was my
mum all at once. My world of fantasies had been
crushed. My best friend, the strongest and most
unwavering person I knew, was only human. I
stood shaking, brushing Anna away. Then slowly,
I began to walk. If I ever get out of this
nightmare, I vowed, I will run. But stuck inside,
all I can do is pinch myself and hope I wake up.
In the window I saw Anna looking at me with a
defeated expression on her face.
Anna’s diary
15-4-05
Dear Diary
I know Lyza’s love isn’t unreachable. Just finding
it is like doing open heart surgery; if you make
one false move, all your work is useless.
Lyza’s Diary
April Eighteenth
Two days until the formal. School is almost
unbearable, with girls crying over having the
same dress or fighting over wanting the same
guy. I don’t feel like going anymore, the stress
of the event is too big. I have an unneeded date,
an uhighlighted hairdo, and an unwanted
chauffeur. Oh that’s right, I haven’t told you yet.
As pay back for giving him the $100, my
brother is driving me their in his hummer. I
have no idea how he got it when he is always
complaining about being short of a few hundred
bucks. It makes me mad that I have to lend what
I want to get repaid with something I don’t,
especially when what I get repaid with is probably
the reason I had to lend in the first place.

Chapter five
Anna’s Diary
20-4-5
Dear Diary
Tonight is the formal. All the girls have come to
my house to get ready, except Lyza. She was
planning to give poor Adam an earful on how
this is only one date. The poor guy must be
totally crushed. After all these years, he is given
the chance to date her, only to discover this is
going to be the date from hell, where at the end
of the night his relationship with Lyza ends. I feel
sorry for him, but there is a slight glimmer of hope.
Adam is a lovely guy, sweet and well meaning,
with enough looks and charm to crack even
Lyza. If only he could get past Lyza’s strong
exterior, this could be exactly the thing that she
needs.
Lyza’s Diary
April Twentieth
Formal night
5.30 pm
Well, here goes nothing. I am about to try and
convince Adam that we can’t go out forever. I just
saw a car pull up. In these situations, it is all
about keeping your cool. I just don’t want to have
something that gilts me out of telling him the
truth.
5.35
There is the doorbell. Gee he took his time getting
out of the car. I wonder what kept him. I better
go down and open the door. I don’t want to do this,
I just have to. I have heard he is a great guy,
and I feel awful knowing I may be about to
shatter his dreams.
5.45
Alone in the Bathroom
Under the pretence of going to the loo
WHY? What have I done to deserve this? I have
landed myself in my own mess again. Of course,
he had to rock up to the door with a bunch of
half squashed red roses. He grinned quietly and
said to me “I’m sorry I ruined these this
morning. My brother got hold of them while I
was taking him to crèche then I was too busy to
get new ones because I had work.”
I don’t want to ask where he works. It will
probably be the salvos or something. How can you
tell a guy like that you don’t want to go out with
him? If I wasn’t so wary of falling for people, I
would have already been head over heals with
this guy. It is ridiculous. Maybe I should give
him a go…NO, I can’t do THAT!
I am trying to convince myself that my family
needs me more.
6.00
There are Oxfam boxes in his car.
6.15
Argh I can’t do this! He has taken me out to get
coffee before we go. I declined the offer to go in
my brother’s Hummer in the end; I couldn’t stick
the idea of it. Instead we are going in Adams car.
He asked me if I minded. It is a bit of a bomb but
it doesn’t matter to me as long as I can avoid
seeing my brother another day.
6.45
Oh gosh, I cannot let this be happening. We lost
track of time talking about what our plans were
for the future, and what we love and what we
hate. It was so corny, absolutely brilliant material
for an awful rom-com. We are speeding to the
formal as I write. Adam asked me what I was
doing. I have trained the rest of the world to put
up with my diary writing, but I had to explain to
him all over. He said that he tried keeping a
diary when he was in grade four, but it didn’t last
long. He found it last year, and read all about
the technical rules of kiss chasey.
6.50
What is he doing? He has pulled over two blocks
away from the school. “Are you lost,” I sighed.
Typical boys, acting as if they know it all and
then telling you at the last minute they don’t
have a clue. Well there go my earlier thoughts,
it is bye-bye Adam.
6.52
He looked at me with a wicked smile and then
said “No, I know exactly where we are” Then he
climbed out of the car not knowing what to do
with his arms and legs, which somehow made
him look remarkably graceful. I thought he was
about to lift the boot off when it finally came
open. Then he appeared around the front of the
car. “A little bird told me you like nonconformity,”
he said holding up two scooters
“Me too.”
Then he burst out laughing at the look on my face.
6.55
There were no words for it. Oh stuff it all, I
thought. It is my time now. And then I kissed
him. Forget the swelling music, crashing waves
and fireworks. Finally I had someone to hold.
Anna’s Diary
20-4-05
Dear Diary
The formal was amazing. But more than that was
the change in Lyza. I couldn’t have cared for
anything else tonight.
She showed up on a scooter. Running ten minutes
late, and on a scooter, she made her grand
entrance with Adam. And they were holding
hands.
All night they talked between themselves and
danced every dance that they could. And all
night I watched them with a feeling inside that
maybe everything was about to come right for
Lyza again. I am still dying to know what went on,
but I think that is a secret I will leave to them. I
am so happy for Lyza that I don’t want to wreck
it.
By the end of the night everyone had realised
the difference. Slowly the room took notice of
what was happening. None of us wanted to
interfere with what was going on. And hopefully
everyone has the sense to let Lyza tell us and not
ask her. There is the chance that she will close
right up again if this isn’t handled right.
Other than Lyza, the formal itself was awesome.
The food was nice, and music was good and
the dresses were fabulous. I couldn’t complain
about a thing. It was a great night, and what’s
more, Lyza is about to start living her own life
again.
Chapter six
Anna’s Diary
22-4-05
Dear Diary
Some has gone wrong with our plans. It is like we
got what we asked for but not what we wanted.
Lyza has opened up alright. To Adam that is. But
she is pulling even further away from us. She is
almost secretive about what is going on in her life.
Before she would glaze everything over, but now
she won’t tell us anything. I really wanted to hear
her own voice for the first time, but it looks like I
am not going to ever hear it. We thought it would
take a small miracle for her to open up. The
miracle came but she didn’t open up. We need a
much larger miracle.
Lyza’s Diary
Twenty Second of April
School
Post-Formal-Madness
The crazy thing is that I thought the chaos
around school would end after the formal. But I
appear to be very very very wrong. In fact I
would say that the madness has got worse. News
of who hooked up with who, who got smashed
and who threw up in the bathroom is still flying
around. I haven’t heard my name in the rumour
mill and for that I am glad. I know the only
thing that is keeping me out of the rumour mill is
that it is no secret what I did on formal night.
Showing up on a scooter only began the evening.
I don’t think there was one moment during the
formal when Adam and I put more than a
centimetre between ourselves and there wasn’t a
single head that wasn’t turned towards us at
least once. I don’t know why people are so
interested in what I got up to. So, I have been a
bit frigid over the last three years, but I had my
reasons. Now they are all expecting some miracle
to have taken place; as if a boyfriend will mean
my life has been completely turned around. The
truth is it may have even made my life more
difficult to manage. None of my problems have
been resolved, and now I have the extra worry of
looking after a boyfriend. How I ever get myself
into these situations I don’t know. But yet again,
Lyza has gotten herself into an infamous muck up.
Anna’s Diary
23-4-05
Dear Diary
Somehow, whilst caught up in all the
pandemonium of the formal, I have forgotten
about Nam-el-ess. I was about to email her today
and see how she was going, when I got an email
from her. Are we telepathic or what?
So here is it, a rather uplifting email from Nam-el-ess

Hey A-nony-mouse
How are you today? My first email I sent you
said “Life is now what I thought it was twenty
four hours ago and neither am I” Well, I have
begun to think that that phrase applies to
everyday of our lives. Revelations are made,
epiphanies had and ideas formed each moment
of our lives. Somewhere across the globe, someone
is making a life changing realization as we
speak. I had a life changing realization this
weekend. I realized that there is no one in the
world that can make you happy other than
yourself. Others may let you down, do
something you don’t expect or be focused on
something else at the time. You can’t leave your
happiness at the hands of others. You can try to
make other people happy, but you can’t let them
always make you happy. I am changing my
mission statement once again. I do not want to
make the world a better place for others to live in,
nor do I want to make it a better place for me.
Neither way will give my happiness, and neither
way will bring them happiness. So instead I
want to make the world a better place for us. To
bring everyone, me and all other people, happiness.
Lots of love and thanks for your kindness
Nam-el-ess
Lyza’s Diary
April Twenty-third
Date No. 1
So it is our first date, officially. I am so excited
but I am scared that there won’t be the same
amount of attraction between us. It wouldn’t be
fair now if I discovered I don’t like him. But what
would be even more unfair is if he discovered he
didn’t like me. Because for the first time in a
long time I am letting myself just be. I
have written so much more in my philosophy book
this weekend, because all of a sudden life made
sense. But now I am scared someone is about to
re-write the rule book. Maybe things aren’t so
okay after all.
12am
It was all okay. We went to a really swish
restaurant. I took one look at it and though, how
the hell am I going to pay for this. Adam saw the
look on my face before I even voiced my concern.
He leant over and whispered in my ear “My
uncle owns the place, it’s on the house”. We had
a brilliant night. The food was okay, the setting
was nice and the kissing was good, but what was
really great was finally having someone to talk
to.
Anna’s Diary
24-4-05
Dear Diary
Why at the most crucial moment is it that I don’t
know how to handle the situation? I think I have
just lost Lyza forever. I confronted her today,
which in itself probably wasn’t a good idea. But
you know what was worse, is I blamed her for
something that might be my fault. She won’t
talk to me anymore, but none of our friends will
talk to her either. It is a big mess and I don’t
know what to do. All I asked was why she had
become so closed towards us recently. For two
whole minutes she stood there and just looked
at me. Not as if I was an alien, or monster. As if I
was a human, who in her eyes had no idea. Then
she lost it. She roared at me “What the hell do
you know? I am trying to being a normal
teenager for once. What do you expect of me?
To be helpless and collapse into your arms crying?
Well I am not going to. I want to be normal, so I
am doing something to fix my problems. No
amount of whining to you will do anything for me,
so what do you expect? I am making my own
way now, and maybe those plans won’t include
you!”
Diary, I don’t know what to do. I want to help Lyza
and I want to be her friend and need her so much,
but I don’t want to lose her entirely. And I am
scared if I try too hard that is what I will do. But if
you don’t try, like Lyza said, where are you going
to get?
Lyza’s diary
I am the biggest jerk on the planet tonight. I
screamed at my friend because she was concerned
for me. But there is no going back now, she will
never want to talk to me again. So I have to push
forwards and move on, ignoring what my life
might have been like if I hadn’t said those
unforgivable words.
Anna’s Diary
30-4-05
Dear Diary
Then I was running and running and running until
I couldn’t feel my legs. But that didn’t matter to
me. I was running away from it all, away from
what I had done. It wasn’t midnight until the
police found me. They grabbed me around the
waist and as I pounded my fists against them the
told me everything was going to be alright. They
couldn’t subdue me, so in the end one shot me
with a tranquilizer dart. Just before I blacked out
I though, so this is what it was like for Frodo when
he put the ring on.
But then, we all have irrational thoughts when
we have just killed someone.
When I woke up I expected to find myself inside
a cell. But I was inside my own bedroom, in my
own pyjamas, in my own bed. The world was still
pulsing around me. I wondered why I hadn’t
been sentenced for life yet. Dazedly I began to
think it must all be a dream. Then I blacked out
again. It must have been a horse tranquilizer dart.
Then I was awake and starving. But I knew I
couldn’t eat, I was on death row. I opened my
eyes, to see a man who looked vaguely familiar
looking into them. Then I noticed the crooked
moustache. The moustache of a man who put
stitches in my head. The moustache of a man
who gave me yucky pills. The moustache of my
own doctor. What is he doing here I wondered.
Doctors aren’t allowed into prisons. I opened my
eyes further. Once again I noticed that I was in
my own room.
Then the moustache began to move and the
doctor was speaking. “She’s suffering post
traumatic shock I would say. That and the effects
of the tranquilizer dart”
I though, of course I am in shock you moron, I just
killed my best friend. And then I started to cry.
“Lyza, she’s dead, I killed her, I killed her..” I
squirmed around restlessly on the bed. One word
kept replaying in my head. Murderer, murderer,
murderer it whispered.
It wasn’t until later that they told me I had been
calling out to Lyza in my sleep, that I had been
threatening to kill myself and that I was in
hospital for two days before I came home.
Chapter seven
1-5-05
Dear Diary
Lyza was a true Anzac. She always fought for
what was right and true, and tried to make the
best of the toughest situations. She was hard
working and strong. She died on the 25th of April,
16 long years after her birth. She used those
years to do useful things with her life. If hers was
the same as Nam-el-ess’ mission statement, then
she would have fulfilled it. I don’t know what
Lyza’s mission statement was, but I can assure you
it would have been a good one.
Today I finally decided to tell the truth to Nam-el-ess.
I am a murderer, and I kill my friends. There is
no way that she could stay my friend. I shouted at
Lyza and she ran blindly across the road. She was
hit by a car and died instantly. I ran. I am too much
of a coward to face up to what I had done. I
knew it wasn’t the drivers fault, it was mine.
2-5-05
Dear Diary
There has been no reply from Nam-el-ess, and I
am not wondering why. I would be ashamed to
have such a bad friend as well.
4-5-05
Dear Diary
I haven’t got a reply. I feel useless and hated. I
am the scum of the earth but I just wish that
Nam-el-ess would tell me that. Silence is the
worst form of punishment.
8-5-05
Dear Diary
Still no reply. I wish she would email me and tell
me that she hates me. I told her who I was and
everything. She should come and get me, and
my dog. Anything would be better than this
awful silence. Tomorrow is the funeral. I don’t
know how I will get through it.
9-5-05
Dear Diary
I don’t know how I missed what was right in front
of my eyes. The eulogy started with these lines.
Her mother had found them in the English
project we were doing:
Living is the longest thing you will ever do. It is
what you are doing all your life. Living. People
say life is short but I disagree. People who say life
is short are comparing it to the longest thing in
history, and that is time. How can the length of a
life compare to time? Therefore I say life is long,
and I am going to use mine to create a life I want
to live.
How could I be so naïve. She always said I was the
only one that understood.
If she had looked closer, she would have
discovered I was the only one who didn’t.