MoonCat’s Mental

~ Astrology Cards ~
For Skeptics & Silly People
& for Divination Too!

by Danielle Astrid Ricard (aka MoonCat)

Amusing & Enlightening Cards

for your pleasure, and to
Make Fun of Yourself!
(and others)

with
Sexy Pictures by
Suvena Matikhelova!!
Matikhelova!!

M
Maakkee CCooooll SSeenntteenncceess wwiitthh
aa M
Myyrriiaadd ooff M
Maaddhhoouussee M Meeaanniinnggss
ffoorr aannyy
Planet, Zodiac Sign &
&AAssttrroollooggiiccaall H
Hoouussee
C
Coom
mbbiinnaattiioonn!!

Includes This Guide filled with

EVEN MORE ENTERTAINING ASTROLOGICAL LORE !!!
 These Cards and Guide are strictly for
Making Fun of People (and yourself)
...but they will also convince you that
ASTROLOGY IS REAL !!!
And they’re FILLED with amazingly true and slightly
irreverent words and phrases about every Planet, Sign
and House so you can make
Colorful Sentences to describe you and your loved ones
COMPLETELY ACCURATELY!!! I SWEAR!!!

Includes beautiful Zodiac Art for each Sign

(andVIRGO is NAKED, too!!)
WHY DID I MAKE THESE CARDS????
I’m seriously hoping to make everyone believe in Astrology. If you know anyone who
doesn’t, just have them look up anything about their own chart using these cards.
They will be completely amazed! I’m not kidding!!! (unless they’re in denial or worship a
god who hates astrology). Thing is, I just finished creating some serious cards that look
just like these except they’re serious (and very nice) and for people who really love
Astrology, and believe it is real. Then, it dawned on me that the REAL, REAL way to
promote the perfect truth and incredible wisdom of Astrology is to TOTALLY
EXAGGERATE it, which I’m especially good at by the way (you’ll figure out why
later).
Outrageous and unflattering you say? Well, I guess that depends on what sign or
planet you’re reading about, doesn’t it? Besides I’ve spent YEARS studying my own
chart in order to find that illusive streak of mischievous wickedness all people are
born with, so I could finally share it with pride. Now that it’s out in the open, I can be
bad with total abandon, and even add in some gratuitous sex and potty language for
added fun!! Thank you ancient Astrologers!!! (and modern ones too)

WHY DO I LOVE ASTROLOGY SO MUCH??!!

As a child, mom told me people were strange (and dangerous) and warned me to stay
away from them. So I did - but I watched…ever so carefully, hiding behind any
available wall or pair of legs. Little by little I realized that mom was truly brilliant and
wise. Most people, including my family, were indeed completely strange, and
dangerous! So, I did my best to stay away from them altogether until I was about 9
when I found my first and only true friend, who, as it turns out, was (and is) a Taurus!
It made perfect sense!!! Then I found out that my brother was a Taurus too, and
everything about him started to make sense!! (my arm still hurts). I later discovered
that my DAD was, you guessed it, a Taurus... and my other brother with the very
noticeable hair was a LEO!!! As I continued making these mind-blowing Astrological
discoveries, I found that I was able to explain away the strangeness of people, including
myself! What else could be responsible for a girl (me) growing up in a family with no
apparent religious practices or belief at all joining the Pioneer Girls prayer group
(only briefly – there was no pioneering going on), with a uniform and everything!!
DUH - I’m a SAGITTARIUS!! Okay, so now you get it. It just works. If you want to
know EXACTLY what makes people strange, Astrology is the perfect answer, and it
offers up all the excuses for unusual, crazy or even downright bad behavior you could
possibly need in your whole life. Use it, and enjoy!!
HOW TO USE THE CARDS
Okay, it’s easy. First get your chart... just get on a computer and search for “astrology
charts”. Then, look at where all your Planets are in the Signs and Houses, match them
up on the cards, read carefully and learn. Keep in mind that these cards cannot make
miracles. Use your head - make sentences that are grammatically correct and
sound great! That’s not my responsibility, ok? NO refunds!! If you do your best and
some combinations still sound bad, they probably are - but do try to find some
redeeming value, and get help.

the Mysterious Symbols

a Aries s Taurus d Gemini f Cancer g Leo h Virgo
z Libra x Scorpio c Sagittarius v Capricorn b Aquarius
n Pisces Red = Fire, Green = Earth, Light Blue = Air, Dark Blue = Water
q Sun w Moon e Mercury r Venus t Mars y Jupiter
u Saturn i Uranus o Neptune p or “ Pluto  Chiron
^ Part of Fortune l North Node L South Node k Midheaven
j Ascendant or Rising Point m Retrograde Planet

Making your Sentences

PLANET – defines doing stuff (generally, & for the purpose at hand)
To Make a Sentence using just Planet in House, start your sentence with the PLANET (that
means Sun or Moon too!!) omit the words at the end in italics, and finish the sentence with a line from
the HOUSE card Example – Mars in 1st House: If you’re wrong (and you are) I’ll get you ~ right off
the bat
To Make a Sentence with Planet, Sign & House, start your sentence with the PLANET, include
the word at the end in italics, and add SIGN and HOUSE. Example – Jupiter in Cancer in the Eighth
House: I am so lucky and get everything I want through ~ ~ endless bitching and moaning that you
WILL listen to,~ during sex (ie. all the time)
You can make a Sentence using just Planet & Sign, too! Signs are all about HOW you do stuff! Start
your sentence with the PLANET, include the words at the end in italics, and then make a sentence
using one or more of the phrases from the card for the SIGN that Planet is actually in. I’m not giving
you an example. I’m tired.. Look at the other examples and adjust! Okay—last one!
HOUSE – where you do stuff!!
To learn about a House in which there is No Planet, and/or the Sign on a House Cusp, start
your sentence with I totally Behave with, or I Needs to Show ~ then continue with words &
phrases for the Sign at the Cusp (beginning line) of that House, and then a phrase for the House.
YOU CAN DO IT!!! (thanks for your patience, I’m going to take a shower now)

Scribble Notes Here!!!

~~~~~~~~~
‘~~~~~~’
~~~~~~~~ ~
Written & Designed by
Danielle Astrid Ricard

Zodiac Sign & Elements Artwork by

Suvena Matikhelova
(Mental MoonCat image - by Danielle)

Copyright 2003
All Rights Reserved

Disclaimer:
These Cards and Book are only for illuminating and making fun of the many amazing and true
astrological attributes inflicted upon us at birth, and is certainly not intended to glorify, trivialize or
otherwise say it’s okay to do any kind of illegal, hurtful, immoral, mean-spirited, bad, extreme or
violent type thing. Nor does the author claim to know everything.

Also, I am really good at grammar in real life, and never uses bad words, and I only tease Sherpas
‘cause I like the way it sounds, plus I have nothing against the Himalayas or Niburu or New Zealand
or Bikers or Roofers, or even Libras! Scorpios are my favorite, too.
So - no complaining letters please!! I mean it!!!

Thank you!
Mental MoonCat