DD

1
00:00:49,649 --> 00:00:52,846

Gentlemen,
me and Hannah had sex.
2
00:00:52,919 --> 00:00:54,546
No way. Hannah?
Yeah.
3
00:00:54,621 --> 00:00:55,986
And I'm just gonna
tell you right now,
4
00:00:56,056 --> 00:00:58,115
if you ever have
the experience to,
5
00:00:58,191 --> 00:01:00,421
like, lose your
virginity in a car,
6
00:01:00,493 --> 00:01:04,930
the Acura MDX, where it's at.
Spacious as fuck.
7
00:01:04,998 --> 00:01:06,522
That was a little unnecessary.
ZACK: I'm just doing to you
8
00:01:06,599 --> 00:01:07,793
what you did to Hannah!
9
00:01:07,867 --> 00:01:09,858
And I also got you this.
JACOB: Is that a bong?
10
00:01:09,936 --> 00:01:11,267
Yeah, man.
11
00:01:13,473 --> 00:01:15,566
Dude, happy
virginity day.
12
00:01:16,042 --> 00:01:17,532
JACOB: I'm dedicating
this bong right now.
13
00:01:17,610 --> 00:01:18,599
ZACK: To what?
14
00:01:18,678 --> 00:01:19,804
JACOB:
It's to the four of us.
15
00:01:19,879 --> 00:01:24,373
We will only smoke it
on days on which one of us
loses our virginity.
16
00:01:24,451 --> 00:01:25,850
So we're
smoking it four times.
17
00:01:25,919 --> 00:01:26,908
Yes.
18
00:01:26,986 --> 00:01:29,045
Until the last nut
has been busted.
19
00:01:29,889 --> 00:01:31,083
But I don't smoke weed.
20
00:01:31,157 --> 00:01:32,283
ZACK: Okay, Matt...
JACOB: We'll work
something out.
21
00:01:32,358 --> 00:01:33,916
It's not really
about the high anymore.
22
00:01:33,993 --> 00:01:35,984
I like that
we're just putting it away
for special occasions.
23
00:01:36,062 --> 00:01:37,552
Yeah, it's ceremonial,
you know?
24
00:01:37,630 --> 00:01:39,757
There's a spiritual bond
between the four of us.
25
00:01:39,866 --> 00:01:40,890
(ALL CHUCKLING)
26
00:01:40,967 --> 00:01:42,059
ZACK: To virginity!
JUSTIN: Goodbye.
27
00:01:42,135 --> 00:01:44,000
ZACK: To goodbye virginity!
Okay.
28
00:01:47,107 --> 00:01:48,768
ZACK: She's back.
JACOB: All right.
29
00:01:48,842 --> 00:01:53,404
JACOB: Zack, Zack, Zack.
Anything strange happen
in your life recently
30
00:01:53,480 --> 00:01:54,777
that we should
know about?
31
00:01:55,315 --> 00:01:56,441
(BUBBLING)
32
00:01:57,550 --> 00:01:58,676
JUSTIN: My man.
33
00:01:58,751 --> 00:01:59,775
JACOB: Look at that.
34
00:02:00,086 --> 00:02:01,314
(ZACK COUGHING)
35
00:02:02,255 --> 00:02:03,313
(LAUGHING)
36
00:02:06,359 --> 00:02:08,350
Oh, oh! Boom! Oh!
37
00:02:09,963 --> 00:02:11,055
Oh, shit.
38
00:02:11,164 --> 00:02:13,155
JUSTIN: Oh!
That was fucking...
39
00:02:13,233 --> 00:02:14,700
KRYSTA: Nasty. Nasty.
40
00:02:14,767 --> 00:02:15,825
JUSTIN: Wow.
41
00:02:16,436 --> 00:02:20,429
ZACK: Hey, pal!
You must open the V-card.
Let's do this.
42
00:02:21,241 --> 00:02:24,972
Smoke that shit.
Oh! Oh!
The virginity hit!
43
00:02:26,880 --> 00:02:27,972
Whoo! First hit.
JACOB: Congratulations!
44
00:02:28,047 --> 00:02:29,446
Congrats, dude.
Thank you.
45
00:02:29,516 --> 00:02:31,211
I'm so happy for you, pal.
Thank you.
46
00:02:31,284 --> 00:02:33,013
MATT: I'm really proud of you.
Thank you.
47
00:02:33,086 --> 00:02:34,678
ZACK: Justin, will you
just grab the camera
really quick?
48
00:02:34,754 --> 00:02:35,743
Yeah.
49
00:02:35,822 --> 00:02:36,982
Best friends forever!
50
00:02:37,056 --> 00:02:38,284
Mr. Man.
51
00:02:38,358 --> 00:02:39,916
I'm so proud of you...
52
00:02:39,993 --> 00:02:41,119
So proud of you.
53
00:02:41,194 --> 00:02:42,525
...for getting that nut off.
54
00:02:42,595 --> 00:02:43,892
I'm proud of you,
Justin.
Very important.
55
00:02:43,963 --> 00:02:44,987
Matt, you're next.
56
00:02:45,064 --> 00:02:46,827
JUSTIN: Matt.
You're next, brother.
57
00:02:47,767 --> 00:02:48,859
JUSTIN: When is it
going to happen, man?
58
00:02:48,935 --> 00:02:49,993
"I'm going to have sex soon!"
59
00:02:50,069 --> 00:02:51,229
"I'm Matt!"
60
00:02:57,010 --> 00:02:58,910
ZACK: Hey, what are we doing?
61
00:02:59,546 --> 00:03:01,912
It's my anniversary
with Nicole,
62
00:03:03,049 --> 00:03:06,610
and, you know, you know,
we thought we'd
spice it up a little bit
63
00:03:06,686 --> 00:03:09,849
and actually
have sex this time.
64
00:03:09,923 --> 00:03:11,652
Which condoms do you
think are the best?
65
00:03:11,724 --> 00:03:12,816
Really, I just need...
66
00:03:12,892 --> 00:03:14,052
ZACK:
How big is your penis?
67
00:03:14,127 --> 00:03:17,790
You want lubricated,
non-lubricated, spermicidal?
68
00:03:17,864 --> 00:03:21,265
ZACK: Dude, it's just condoms.
Why are you freaking out?
69
00:03:21,334 --> 00:03:24,030
We're filming...
He's losing his virginity.
70
00:03:24,103 --> 00:03:25,934
MATT:
He's telling everyone,
basically.
71
00:03:26,306 --> 00:03:28,467
Are you having
sex with a virgin?
72
00:03:29,008 --> 00:03:31,272
She'll be tighter.
73
00:03:34,347 --> 00:03:36,212
ZACK: Did you get it?
JUSTIN: Yeah.
74
00:03:36,282 --> 00:03:38,113
I think
it's really good.
75
00:03:38,184 --> 00:03:40,516
Nicole, what is it
about Matt?
76
00:03:40,587 --> 00:03:41,781
ZACK: What is it?
77
00:03:42,088 --> 00:03:45,524
That you're willing
to give yourself to him
so readily?
78
00:03:45,592 --> 00:03:47,583
Well, he's funny...
JUSTIN: Mmm-hmm.
79
00:03:47,660 --> 00:03:48,752
MATT: That's one.
80
00:03:48,828 --> 00:03:50,386
...and attractive.
81
00:03:50,463 --> 00:03:51,521
Two.
82
00:03:51,831 --> 00:03:53,696
NICOLE: Oh!
That's much better, actually.
83
00:03:53,800 --> 00:03:54,824
(LAUGHING)
84
00:03:56,803 --> 00:03:59,431
ZACK: How did you get
such a great girl, Matt?
85
00:04:00,273 --> 00:04:01,706
I mean, honestly.
I mean, come on.
86
00:04:02,375 --> 00:04:07,278
Well, I mean,
by using my wit and
my charm, my skills.
87
00:04:08,081 --> 00:04:10,106
NICOLE: My heart just
melted after that.
88
00:04:11,884 --> 00:04:13,249
That's so gay.
89
00:04:13,319 --> 00:04:14,308
So gay.
90
00:04:14,387 --> 00:04:16,514
It's, like,
borderline awesome.
91
00:04:16,589 --> 00:04:17,681
I'm happy for you guys.
92
00:04:17,757 --> 00:04:18,849
JUSTIN: Me, too.
93
00:04:18,925 --> 00:04:19,949
Thank you.
94
00:04:20,493 --> 00:04:22,188
# Oh, Nicole
95
00:04:22,262 --> 00:04:23,889
ZACK: # Oh, Nicole
96
00:04:23,963 --> 00:04:27,364
# You're so wonderful to me
97
00:04:27,433 --> 00:04:29,526
# To me
98
00:04:29,602 --> 00:04:30,864
# You're so
wonderful to me
99
00:04:30,937 --> 00:04:32,131
# Oh, Nicole #
100
00:04:33,106 --> 00:04:34,164
CASHIER: That's it?
MATT: Yeah.
101
00:04:34,240 --> 00:04:35,707
That's $2.50.
All you gotta do
102
00:04:35,775 --> 00:04:38,767
is just take it slow
and enjoy yourself.
103
00:04:38,845 --> 00:04:41,405
You'll have
a good night, sir.
Enjoy yourself.
104
00:04:41,481 --> 00:04:42,607
You, too.
105
00:04:42,682 --> 00:04:44,013
WOMAN:
What are you guys
doing this for?
106
00:04:44,350 --> 00:04:48,582
So, you just decided
you wanted to
record your journey?
107
00:04:48,655 --> 00:04:50,054
He records everything.
108
00:04:50,156 --> 00:04:51,248
(ZACK LAUGHS)
109
00:04:51,324 --> 00:04:54,919
ZACK: Matt, trust me
when I say this.
110
00:04:54,994 --> 00:04:58,828
As a filmmaker,
and as your best friend,
111
00:04:58,898 --> 00:05:03,528
I'm gonna do to your virginity
what Alfred Hitchcock did
to Birds.
112
00:05:03,603 --> 00:05:05,070
MATT:
It's gonna be scary?
113
00:05:05,138 --> 00:05:08,130
ZACK: No. Matt,
it's gonna be beautiful!
114
00:05:08,207 --> 00:05:13,645
My whole life,
I wanted to get things
on camera or in a picture.
115
00:05:14,847 --> 00:05:16,041
Oh, my God!
116
00:05:16,182 --> 00:05:17,410
Find your
own refrigerator!
117
00:05:19,919 --> 00:05:22,285
ZACK: But you losing
your virginity
118
00:05:22,355 --> 00:05:25,483
is the most exciting thing
that's ever happened.
119
00:05:27,493 --> 00:05:30,223
This is gonna be
our best movie ever.
120
00:05:41,841 --> 00:05:45,299
ZACK:
What do you got planned
for the big night, man?
121
00:05:45,378 --> 00:05:49,075
He's trying to, like,
keep it a secret from me,
122
00:05:49,148 --> 00:05:53,050
but, like, he asks me
really obvious questions...
123
00:05:53,119 --> 00:05:54,245
Like what?
124
00:05:54,320 --> 00:05:55,378
...so, like,
I know what we're doing.
125
00:05:55,455 --> 00:05:56,547
What did he ask you?
126
00:05:56,622 --> 00:05:58,988
He's like, "What's
your favorite restaurant?"
127
00:05:59,058 --> 00:06:02,687
Like, "If you were gonna go
on a really fancy date,
128
00:06:02,762 --> 00:06:03,786
"what restaurant
would you go to?"
129
00:06:03,863 --> 00:06:05,421
He literally
asked that question?
130
00:06:05,565 --> 00:06:07,157
Yeah, he really did.
131
00:06:07,633 --> 00:06:10,534
Wow. These are sexy.
Check these out.
132
00:06:10,603 --> 00:06:11,695
I want to wear a dress.
133
00:06:11,771 --> 00:06:12,829
Right, right, right.
134
00:06:12,905 --> 00:06:14,395
Do you like it? Yes?
135
00:06:14,474 --> 00:06:15,941
Yes, very much so.
136
00:06:16,008 --> 00:06:20,274
JUSTIN: Hey, Nicole,
you know, when Matt's been
kissing you, how is he?
137
00:06:20,346 --> 00:06:21,745
He's been getting better.
138
00:06:21,814 --> 00:06:23,111
JUSTIN: Yeah? It's okay.
NICOLE: Lt'll be okay.
139
00:06:23,182 --> 00:06:24,444
I'm relaxed.
I'm relaxed.
140
00:06:24,517 --> 00:06:27,748
NICOLE: Just, you know,
sometimes he gets
a little stiff, like...
141
00:06:27,820 --> 00:06:28,980
(LAUGHTER)
142
00:06:29,756 --> 00:06:31,121
JUSTIN: Where exactly
does he get stiff?
143
00:06:31,190 --> 00:06:32,521
Because that
might be a good thing.
144
00:06:33,893 --> 00:06:35,258
Sometimes he
doesn't really know
145
00:06:35,328 --> 00:06:36,625
what he's doing
with his hands.
146
00:06:36,696 --> 00:06:37,924
JUSTIN: Yeah,
where does he put them?
147
00:06:37,997 --> 00:06:39,897
NICOLE: Nowhere.
MATT: Uh.
If you show me where...
148
00:06:39,966 --> 00:06:42,662
ZACK: You should know
where the hands go, dude.
Whoa, whoa, whoa. Calm down.
149
00:06:42,735 --> 00:06:46,364
JUSTIN: Can you instruct Matt
on how this would come off,
you know, easily?
150
00:06:46,439 --> 00:06:49,772
You would take
it from this area
and just pull it...
151
00:06:49,842 --> 00:06:52,367
ZACK:
I just can't wait for you guys
to make love to each other,
152
00:06:52,445 --> 00:06:56,541
because that is just gonna be
such a fucking release.
153
00:06:56,949 --> 00:06:58,507
(SINGING)
154
00:07:07,226 --> 00:07:08,887
Oh, shit,
the string snapped.
155
00:07:08,961 --> 00:07:11,327
Well, you ruined the song,
you dickhole.
156
00:07:11,998 --> 00:07:13,966
ZACK: Come on. Mom!
MOM: Yeah?
157
00:07:14,033 --> 00:07:15,022
Can you do me a favor?
158
00:07:15,234 --> 00:07:16,428
MATT: I call top.
159
00:07:16,569 --> 00:07:17,763
That's what she said.
160
00:07:17,870 --> 00:07:19,030
Oh!
Oh!
161
00:07:19,839 --> 00:07:21,534
ZACK: Justin, up here.
DAD: Throw a ball.
162
00:07:21,607 --> 00:07:22,596
JUSTIN: Got it.
You got it?
163
00:07:22,675 --> 00:07:23,664
JUSTIN:
I got it. You're good.
164
00:07:23,743 --> 00:07:25,074
Everybody wave.
Everybody wave.
165
00:07:25,144 --> 00:07:26,611
Hi!
166
00:07:26,679 --> 00:07:31,616
ZACK: Hey, Mom, will you
describe to me
how we inherited Matt?
167
00:07:31,684 --> 00:07:34,209
How we inherited Matt?
168
00:07:34,287 --> 00:07:35,345
What?
169
00:07:35,455 --> 00:07:37,514
ZACK: Your unfortunate
inheritance that is Matt.
170
00:07:38,357 --> 00:07:39,949
Matt's mother and I
worked together.
171
00:07:40,026 --> 00:07:41,493
When you guys were
in the first grade,
172
00:07:41,561 --> 00:07:42,994
that's when we
started working together.
173
00:07:43,362 --> 00:07:44,454
LOIS: Good job, Zack.
174
00:07:44,530 --> 00:07:47,328
And you've been
inseparable ever since.
175
00:07:47,400 --> 00:07:48,458
Yeah! Score, score, score!
176
00:07:48,534 --> 00:07:53,028
When you guys were
about nine or 10,
that's when Lois got sick,
177
00:07:53,105 --> 00:07:55,733
and she'd been
receiving chemo,
178
00:07:55,808 --> 00:07:59,710
and one day,
I was taking Lois home
from one of her appointments,
179
00:07:59,779 --> 00:08:04,910
and she turned to me
with a tear in her eye
and she said,
180
00:08:04,984 --> 00:08:09,819
"Take care of my little boy."
And she died
three weeks later.
181
00:08:09,889 --> 00:08:11,754
DAD: Yeah.
That's how we have Matt.
182
00:08:11,824 --> 00:08:13,451
She knew how much
we all loved him,
183
00:08:13,526 --> 00:08:15,084
and your father
and I love Matt
184
00:08:15,161 --> 00:08:16,856
as much as we love
you and Krysta.
185
00:08:16,929 --> 00:08:18,624
All right, well,
I'll shoot for her.
Is it my shot?
186
00:08:18,698 --> 00:08:20,689
Yes, it's your turn.
Well, nobody's
taking my shot for me.
187
00:08:20,766 --> 00:08:21,755
Hey.
188
00:08:23,536 --> 00:08:27,939
MATT:
I feel like Nicole has become,
like, part of the family.
189
00:08:28,007 --> 00:08:32,410
Not like a mom or sister,
but, like, crazy aunt.
190
00:08:32,478 --> 00:08:33,536
Yeah.
191
00:08:33,613 --> 00:08:35,012
I mean,
even though two years
192
00:08:35,081 --> 00:08:37,709
and our relationship
isn't as intimate
193
00:08:37,783 --> 00:08:39,307
as other people's,
194
00:08:40,353 --> 00:08:43,720
I know that nothing would
ever come between us.
195
00:08:43,789 --> 00:08:45,120
Ever.
196
00:08:56,302 --> 00:08:59,635
ZACK: I was taking a pee
the other day on C floor,
197
00:08:59,705 --> 00:09:03,766
and two guys came in,
and they were
talking about Nicole.
198
00:09:04,877 --> 00:09:06,003
MATT: All right.
199
00:09:06,078 --> 00:09:07,443
This guy was like,
200
00:09:07,513 --> 00:09:12,143
"I heard she did something
with some dude
at a college party."
201
00:09:14,220 --> 00:09:15,812
It's funny.
It's really funny.
202
00:09:15,888 --> 00:09:18,356
I'm not...
I'm not lying.
203
00:09:18,424 --> 00:09:22,292
I'm putting you
on speakerphone.
Yeah, we just said...
204
00:09:22,361 --> 00:09:23,385
(GIRL ON SPEAKERPHONE)
205
00:09:23,462 --> 00:09:25,657
They were in bed and...
206
00:09:25,731 --> 00:09:27,358
They got naked.
207
00:09:27,466 --> 00:09:29,400
JUSTIN:
But it's just a rumor, man.
GIRL: That's what I heard.
208
00:09:29,468 --> 00:09:32,164
JUSTIN: Remember last year
when everyone thought
I was moving to Canada?
209
00:09:32,238 --> 00:09:33,762
Everybody believed it.
Could you
pull over, man?
210
00:09:33,839 --> 00:09:34,863
I'll see you there.
Man...
211
00:09:34,941 --> 00:09:37,375
JACOB: Try and keep
your head up, Matt.
You need a baseball bat?
212
00:09:37,443 --> 00:09:38,671
ZACK:
Don't give him that!
213
00:09:38,744 --> 00:09:40,268
(BOTH ARGUING INDISTINCTLY)
214
00:09:40,413 --> 00:09:41,744
And she cheated on me!
215
00:09:41,814 --> 00:09:43,076
Hey, I had a girlfriend,
too, all right?
216
00:09:43,149 --> 00:09:44,639
We all go through this.
JUSTIN: Hey!
217
00:09:44,717 --> 00:09:46,014
JUSTIN:
It's a rumor, man!
218
00:09:46,085 --> 00:09:47,985
ZACK: We will find out
if it's real, okay?
219
00:09:48,054 --> 00:09:49,385
Just call.
I just can't...
220
00:09:49,455 --> 00:09:51,286
I can't picture her
doing this to me,
all right?
221
00:09:51,357 --> 00:09:53,120
I know, I know.
But you need to call...
222
00:09:53,192 --> 00:09:56,252
We were gonna
lose our virginities
to each other.
223
00:09:56,329 --> 00:09:59,127
ZACK: Clearly,
she wasn't a virgin.
224
00:09:59,198 --> 00:10:00,358
Get the fuck out.
ZACK: Okay, okay.
225
00:10:00,433 --> 00:10:01,491
Slow down.
226
00:10:01,567 --> 00:10:02,556
JUSTIN:
Hey, hey, hey, hey!
227
00:10:02,635 --> 00:10:04,034
Guys, guys,
guys, guys, guys!
228
00:10:04,103 --> 00:10:05,434
ZACK: Calm down!
Calm down!
229
00:10:05,504 --> 00:10:07,199
JUSTIN:
Grab him, grab him.
230
00:10:07,273 --> 00:10:10,265
JACOB: This is for your
own good, buddy.
231
00:10:10,343 --> 00:10:11,776
Look at me. We'll get
to the bottom of it.
232
00:10:11,844 --> 00:10:12,833
Okay.
233
00:10:12,912 --> 00:10:14,243
Calm.
I got it.
234
00:10:14,313 --> 00:10:15,371
You got it?
JACOB: Cool heads prevail.
235
00:10:20,519 --> 00:10:25,320
ZACK: Okay, Matt.
I'm here to find out
if Nicole fucked that dude.
236
00:10:25,391 --> 00:10:28,360
Excuse me.
Hey, are you Harry?
237
00:10:28,427 --> 00:10:29,655
No, man.
I'm not Harry.
238
00:10:29,729 --> 00:10:30,889
Oh, thank God.
239
00:10:30,963 --> 00:10:31,987
(HARRY SPEAKING)
240
00:10:32,064 --> 00:10:33,656
You know,
I did meet her I think.
241
00:10:34,033 --> 00:10:36,160
She was at this party,
I do remember...
242
00:10:36,302 --> 00:10:37,326
(ZACK SPEAKING)
243
00:10:37,403 --> 00:10:39,428
I just need to know
if you fucked her.
244
00:10:40,373 --> 00:10:41,397
(HARRY SPEAKING)
245
00:10:41,474 --> 00:10:42,873
Hey, do you wanna
see a stripper?
246
00:10:44,176 --> 00:10:45,609
HARRY:
We had a party
three days ago,
247
00:10:45,678 --> 00:10:46,736
and she never left.
248
00:10:46,812 --> 00:10:48,439
She's trying to
shake us down
for more money.
249
00:10:48,514 --> 00:10:50,880
As soon as you give me
my $300, I'll leave.
250
00:10:50,950 --> 00:10:53,578
No, we paid you
already, so...
251
00:10:53,653 --> 00:10:55,052
ZACK: Hey, man.
Anyway, what was I...
252
00:10:55,121 --> 00:10:56,588
We were talking
about Nicole.
253
00:10:57,189 --> 00:10:58,713
STRIPPER: Thank you.
254
00:10:58,791 --> 00:11:00,986
ZACK:
Dude, back to Nicole.
255
00:11:01,060 --> 00:11:02,687
Hey, I got pickle
juice all over me now.
ZACK: Harry!
256
00:11:02,762 --> 00:11:04,286
Are you happy?
I don't know who
they're talking about.
257
00:11:04,363 --> 00:11:06,422
That better be
the best fucking pickle
you've ever had.
258
00:11:06,499 --> 00:11:10,367
ZACK: Hey! Hey, Harry,
Harry, Harry. Can you...
259
00:11:10,436 --> 00:11:13,872
Sorry, man. I just...
I need to know what
happened with Nicole.
260
00:11:16,275 --> 00:11:17,970
Just tell your buddy
I'm sorry, okay?
261
00:11:18,044 --> 00:11:19,978
ZACK: Dude, you gonna
have to tell him yourself.
262
00:11:20,046 --> 00:11:21,445
Sure. How?
263
00:11:21,514 --> 00:11:22,776
Just look into the camera.
Just like this?
264
00:11:22,848 --> 00:11:23,906
Yeah.
265
00:11:23,983 --> 00:11:24,972
(SIGHING)
266
00:11:25,051 --> 00:11:26,985
Matt.
267
00:11:27,053 --> 00:11:29,487
Matt. Matt.
268
00:11:29,555 --> 00:11:31,546
I really am sorry
about what I did
269
00:11:31,624 --> 00:11:32,716
with your girl.
270
00:11:37,496 --> 00:11:38,793
Okay?
271
00:11:38,864 --> 00:11:39,922
Okay.
272
00:11:39,999 --> 00:11:41,557
What did you do?
273
00:11:41,634 --> 00:11:42,692
I can't get into that.
274
00:11:42,768 --> 00:11:43,757
That's frat policy.
275
00:11:43,836 --> 00:11:46,828
Here's what I can say.
276
00:11:46,906 --> 00:11:50,069
Matt, Nicole is
a very nice girl,
277
00:11:51,277 --> 00:11:53,211
and she likes to party.
278
00:11:55,114 --> 00:11:56,581
(SENTIMENTAL SONG PLAYING)
279
00:11:58,918 --> 00:12:00,044
(EXCLAIMING IN PAIN)
280
00:12:09,261 --> 00:12:12,492
MOM: Looks yummy. Cookies?
281
00:12:12,565 --> 00:12:14,863
MATT: You used to make
cookies all the time...
282
00:12:15,534 --> 00:12:17,001
DAD: They're good.
283
00:12:17,536 --> 00:12:18,628
(MATT SNIFFLING)
284
00:12:19,371 --> 00:12:23,102
Hey. Sweetheart,
what's the matter?
285
00:12:23,175 --> 00:12:25,075
She cheated on me.
286
00:12:25,144 --> 00:12:26,372
I'm sorry.
287
00:12:27,747 --> 00:12:29,510
Hey, guess what?
Yeah.
288
00:12:29,582 --> 00:12:31,914
I talked to your sister.
She's gonna
come here this weekend.
289
00:12:31,984 --> 00:12:33,315
That's great.
290
00:12:34,286 --> 00:12:36,948
ZACK: (MUMBLING)
These cookies are really good.
291
00:12:37,022 --> 00:12:38,887
MOM: Zack, zip it!
292
00:12:38,958 --> 00:12:41,085
Can't you just back off
for a little while?
293
00:12:41,660 --> 00:12:45,596
Do you have to always
be in everybody's face
constantly?
294
00:12:45,664 --> 00:12:47,689
ZACK: (MUMBLING)
I'm just trying to get this
so he'll realize
295
00:12:47,767 --> 00:12:49,064
how silly he was later.
Yeah, I can't understand
296
00:12:49,135 --> 00:12:51,035
anything you're saying
with your mouth full of food.
297
00:12:51,103 --> 00:12:52,400
ZACK:
Your mouth... Uh!
298
00:12:53,672 --> 00:12:56,232
ZACK: Hey, dick-munch!
Krys is here.
299
00:12:56,308 --> 00:12:57,969
Grab the camera.
300
00:12:58,043 --> 00:12:59,374
You got it?
JACOB: Yeah.
301
00:13:01,046 --> 00:13:05,449
Hey, hey! Krys is here.
Krys is here. Heads up.
302
00:13:09,455 --> 00:13:11,150
Hey!
303
00:13:11,223 --> 00:13:12,747
Hey!
KRYSTA:
Hey, what's up?
304
00:13:12,825 --> 00:13:14,850
How are you, lady?
Come on. No. Jesus!
305
00:13:14,927 --> 00:13:17,919
Zack! Shit!
Zack, stop! You...
306
00:13:17,997 --> 00:13:19,555
JACOB: Just so you know,
this is not my idea.
307
00:13:19,632 --> 00:13:21,156
ZACK:
Out of the way!
That's for me!
308
00:13:21,233 --> 00:13:23,030
KRYSTA: Hey! Stop!
309
00:13:23,102 --> 00:13:24,592
Oh, my God.
310
00:13:25,638 --> 00:13:27,162
Jacob, take the keys! No!
311
00:13:27,273 --> 00:13:28,331
(KRYSTA SCREAMING)
312
00:13:29,575 --> 00:13:30,633
ZACK: Yeah!
313
00:13:30,776 --> 00:13:31,834
KRYSTA: You're such a...
314
00:13:31,911 --> 00:13:33,242
ZACK: I'm such a dick!
Did you hear that?
315
00:13:33,312 --> 00:13:34,301
Welcome home, honey.
316
00:13:34,380 --> 00:13:35,369
Oh, my God.
317
00:13:35,447 --> 00:13:36,937
Welcome home.
318
00:13:37,016 --> 00:13:38,950
MATT: Krysta.
Want to dry off?
319
00:13:39,018 --> 00:13:40,042
Thank you, Matt.
320
00:13:40,119 --> 00:13:41,108
ZACK: Hey, dickhole!
321
00:13:41,187 --> 00:13:44,918
Matt's the only
person in this whole house
that's nice to me.
322
00:13:45,858 --> 00:13:47,257
Thank you.
323
00:13:47,326 --> 00:13:48,418
Oh!
324
00:13:48,494 --> 00:13:50,655
So wet and disgusting.
325
00:13:50,729 --> 00:13:53,129
I know. I'm a wet girl.
326
00:13:56,836 --> 00:13:57,928
Very athletic.
327
00:13:58,003 --> 00:13:59,334
You've been
waiting for this for
328
00:13:59,405 --> 00:14:01,600
however long that you guys
have been going out?
329
00:14:01,674 --> 00:14:02,800
ZACK: Two years.
330
00:14:02,875 --> 00:14:04,103
Two years.
331
00:14:04,176 --> 00:14:06,371
You've been
waiting for this
for two years,
332
00:14:06,445 --> 00:14:09,505
and now she
fucked somebody else?
333
00:14:09,582 --> 00:14:13,040
ZACK:
You should go on that date
you were talking about.
334
00:14:13,118 --> 00:14:14,551
Have sex with her there.
335
00:14:14,620 --> 00:14:15,678
KRYSTA:
Go on the date.
336
00:14:15,754 --> 00:14:19,656
Go do all the things,
and the carriage
and the flowers and the hotel,
337
00:14:19,725 --> 00:14:21,158
and then have
sex with her.
338
00:14:21,227 --> 00:14:23,092
You get all of
those feelings out,
339
00:14:23,162 --> 00:14:24,595
and then you get
out of it unscathed.
340
00:14:24,663 --> 00:14:25,960
I'm becoming
aroused, yes.
341
00:14:26,031 --> 00:14:27,555
MATT: I don't want to
do that to her, though.
342
00:14:27,633 --> 00:14:28,861
MATT: She meant
too much to me.
KRYSTA: Why not?
343
00:14:28,934 --> 00:14:31,425
ZACK: There's no revenge.
It's just making it right.
344
00:14:31,503 --> 00:14:33,198
His girlfriend
cheated on him.
Damn!
345
00:14:33,272 --> 00:14:35,263
KRYSTA: Look, you get to pick
how this song ends, okay?
346
00:14:35,341 --> 00:14:38,469
I think you're gonna
feel better if you do.
347
00:14:38,544 --> 00:14:42,344
Hey, Nicole.
It's Matt. How are you?
348
00:14:42,681 --> 00:14:43,807
Um...
349
00:14:43,883 --> 00:14:47,876
I'm sorry I missed
your calls before.
350
00:14:48,354 --> 00:14:51,016
I was feeling
kind of sick,
kind of ill.
351
00:14:51,090 --> 00:14:55,754
But I'm much better,
and I can't wait
until Saturday.
352
00:14:55,828 --> 00:14:57,728
I am very excited.
353
00:14:57,796 --> 00:15:01,061
So, give me a call back.
All right, see you.
354
00:15:03,035 --> 00:15:04,969
Did that sound phony?
That was fucking awesome.
355
00:15:06,639 --> 00:15:07,663
What're you doing?
356
00:15:07,740 --> 00:15:09,332
I'm calling it off.
357
00:15:11,410 --> 00:15:12,638
MATT:
I just don't think
I can do it.
358
00:15:13,479 --> 00:15:15,413
I don't love her
anymore, dude.
359
00:15:15,481 --> 00:15:19,349
ZACK:
Sex isn't about love.
Sex is about sex!
360
00:15:19,418 --> 00:15:22,319
Who's your
favorite porn star?
361
00:15:22,388 --> 00:15:23,753
What does it matter?
Just tell me.
362
00:15:23,822 --> 00:15:24,811
Sunny Leone.
363
00:15:24,890 --> 00:15:28,826
Okay, close your eyes
and think about Nicole,
364
00:15:28,894 --> 00:15:31,692
and visualize
her body, okay?
365
00:15:31,764 --> 00:15:35,530
Put Sunny Leone's head
on her body.
366
00:15:36,101 --> 00:15:37,659
That's someone
you love, right?
367
00:15:37,770 --> 00:15:40,398
Sunny Leone, yes.
368
00:15:40,472 --> 00:15:42,133
Have sex with her.
369
00:15:43,809 --> 00:15:44,944
I'll try.
370
00:15:44,944 --> 00:15:47,811
JACOB:
Nice fucking place, dude.
Good choice.
371
00:15:47,880 --> 00:15:49,142
MATT: Thank you.
372
00:15:49,214 --> 00:15:50,272
You got style.
373
00:15:50,349 --> 00:15:55,377
I thought it would be,
like, a really romantic
setting for our first time.
374
00:15:55,454 --> 00:15:57,251
Whatever, dude.
You're here now.
375
00:15:57,323 --> 00:15:59,052
We're gonna make
the best of it.
376
00:15:59,124 --> 00:16:00,284
You ready?
JUSTIN: Yeah, let's go.
377
00:16:02,127 --> 00:16:05,528
I'm here to
check out the rooms
under the name "Matthew."
378
00:16:05,597 --> 00:16:06,996
ZACK:
Matt, check how many rooms.
379
00:16:07,099 --> 00:16:08,726
MATT: Two rooms.
380
00:16:08,801 --> 00:16:11,770
Two rooms? Are y'all
gonna throw a party?
381
00:16:11,837 --> 00:16:13,134
No. I'm not.
382
00:16:13,272 --> 00:16:14,569
What?
383
00:16:14,640 --> 00:16:16,904
This is a great place
to party.
384
00:16:16,976 --> 00:16:18,034
JUSTIN: I'm very good.
385
00:16:20,079 --> 00:16:21,307
INNKEEPER: Adjoining rooms.
386
00:16:21,447 --> 00:16:22,709
JACOB: Very nice.
387
00:16:22,781 --> 00:16:24,305
INNKEEPER:
Here's the other one.
388
00:16:24,383 --> 00:16:26,681
ZACK:
Yeah, this is great!
389
00:16:26,752 --> 00:16:28,617
JACOB: Very nice, sir.
Very nice indeed.
390
00:16:28,687 --> 00:16:30,552
Wow! Yeah,
we get this room.
391
00:16:30,622 --> 00:16:34,023
ZACK: Can you check
how sturdy it is, Jacob?
392
00:16:34,093 --> 00:16:35,458
Yeah.
ZACK: Fuck on it.
393
00:16:35,527 --> 00:16:37,620
Yeah!
394
00:16:37,696 --> 00:16:38,754
Is that
a good fucking?
395
00:16:38,831 --> 00:16:39,820
Jacob, is that the way
that you fuck?
396
00:16:39,898 --> 00:16:41,661
It is when there's
no one to fuck.
397
00:16:41,734 --> 00:16:45,670
I want y'all boys to know
all these beds
are up to snuff.
398
00:16:45,971 --> 00:16:49,407
My wife and I have
tried out every bed
399
00:16:49,475 --> 00:16:51,841
and couch and cot
in this whole hotel.
400
00:16:51,910 --> 00:16:53,207
JACOB: Really?
401
00:16:53,278 --> 00:16:55,143
JACOB: Your wife sounds
like a truly amazing woman.
402
00:16:55,547 --> 00:16:59,210
INNKEEPER: Well,
she's got Alzheimer's,
403
00:16:59,284 --> 00:17:01,377
and that's no fun
when you...
404
00:17:01,453 --> 00:17:02,442
MATT: I'm sorry.
405
00:17:02,521 --> 00:17:03,579
For sex.
406
00:17:03,655 --> 00:17:04,713
JACOB: Yeah.
407
00:17:04,790 --> 00:17:07,588
Anyway, I'll bring back
some champagne.
408
00:17:07,659 --> 00:17:08,717
Excellent.
409
00:17:08,794 --> 00:17:10,125
Thank you, thank you.
Thank you very much.
410
00:17:10,195 --> 00:17:11,423
INNKEEPER:
I have a big...
411
00:17:11,497 --> 00:17:13,260
Oh, my God, he's back.
412
00:17:13,332 --> 00:17:16,460
I have a really
strong connection
with you guys,
413
00:17:16,535 --> 00:17:20,631
and I don't know what it is,
and I hope we can be friends
for a long time.
414
00:17:20,706 --> 00:17:21,764
JACOB: All right.
415
00:17:21,840 --> 00:17:23,171
(LAUGHING)
416
00:17:23,242 --> 00:17:25,267
Okay. All right.
I'll be seeing you.
417
00:17:25,344 --> 00:17:27,335
Thanks, buddy.
418
00:17:27,413 --> 00:17:28,675
Oh, my God.
419
00:17:28,747 --> 00:17:30,271
Do not drink
anything he gives you.
420
00:17:30,349 --> 00:17:31,475
ZACK: All right,
this is what's gonna happen.
421
00:17:31,550 --> 00:17:34,917
You're gonna be fucking
over here. On the bed.
422
00:17:34,987 --> 00:17:37,785
Then we are gonna be
over in this room,
423
00:17:37,856 --> 00:17:39,585
and we're gonna
have speakers set up
424
00:17:39,725 --> 00:17:41,488
all over the place
so we can all hear it.
425
00:17:41,560 --> 00:17:45,018
Now, once you're done,
you're gonna knock twice,
426
00:17:45,097 --> 00:17:47,827
so we'll be like...
427
00:17:47,900 --> 00:17:49,026
Busted!
428
00:17:49,101 --> 00:17:51,092
And you're gonna
break up with her
on film.
429
00:17:51,236 --> 00:17:53,227
Okay.
430
00:17:53,305 --> 00:17:55,432
I'm so happy
you're doing this.
431
00:17:55,507 --> 00:17:57,634
Okay, could you just give me
a little bit of room?
432
00:17:57,709 --> 00:17:58,733
Guys.
JACOB: Yeah, no problem.
433
00:17:58,811 --> 00:18:00,642
JACOB:
All right, man. Come on.
We need to set up
434
00:18:00,712 --> 00:18:02,339
how I'm gonna, like,
tape shit down.
435
00:18:04,550 --> 00:18:06,108
Do you think I should
really do this?
436
00:18:06,185 --> 00:18:10,246
ZACK: Yes.
She cheated on you.
Remember that. Okay?
437
00:18:10,322 --> 00:18:11,550
Okay.
438
00:18:12,458 --> 00:18:14,016
Hey, Matty, Zack.
Hey, sir.
439
00:18:14,093 --> 00:18:15,890
ZACK: Hey!
How are you today?
440
00:18:15,961 --> 00:18:17,258
Good, good, good.
441
00:18:17,329 --> 00:18:18,921
Why are you
so dressed up?
442
00:18:19,064 --> 00:18:20,656
Well, you know,
it's our anniversary,
443
00:18:20,732 --> 00:18:21,721
so I just wanted to...
444
00:18:21,800 --> 00:18:23,324
Your anniversary of what?
445
00:18:23,402 --> 00:18:25,267
We're going out.
446
00:18:25,337 --> 00:18:26,531
Nothing. Just...
447
00:18:26,605 --> 00:18:27,765
Please. Please don't.
448
00:18:27,840 --> 00:18:29,432
No.
No, I couldn't.
449
00:18:29,508 --> 00:18:31,032
Here we are.
Here, just take it.
450
00:18:31,110 --> 00:18:32,270
I don't feel right.
451
00:18:32,344 --> 00:18:36,906
It's not for you, Matt.
It's for my daughter,
all right?
452
00:18:36,982 --> 00:18:39,007
Let me show you
something.
453
00:18:40,686 --> 00:18:41,846
There it goes.
454
00:18:43,455 --> 00:18:45,218
Forty miles an hour!
455
00:18:49,194 --> 00:18:53,255
Here, now drink a glass
of this, and tell me...
456
00:18:53,332 --> 00:18:54,526
ZACK:
Matt, don't drink that.
457
00:18:54,600 --> 00:18:56,465
NICOLE'S DAD:
Go ahead, go ahead.
458
00:18:56,869 --> 00:18:58,393
What do you think?
459
00:18:58,470 --> 00:19:00,267
Frothy. It's...
460
00:19:00,372 --> 00:19:02,033
It's definitely...
461
00:19:09,148 --> 00:19:11,082
ZACK: Oh, my God.
That's a really good...
462
00:19:11,150 --> 00:19:13,414
ZACK:
Does that shit turn
you into the Hulk?
463
00:19:13,485 --> 00:19:14,679
It's good.
464
00:19:16,321 --> 00:19:17,583
NICOLE'S DAD:
Is she beautiful or what?
465
00:19:17,656 --> 00:19:19,089
MATT: Very beautiful.
466
00:19:19,158 --> 00:19:20,955
(EXCLAIMING)
467
00:19:21,059 --> 00:19:22,048
Hey. You look great.
NICOLE: Thanks.
468
00:19:22,127 --> 00:19:23,151
Hubba-hubba.
469
00:19:23,228 --> 00:19:24,923
NICOLE'S DAD:
Well, listen. Y'all have
a good time tonight.
470
00:19:24,997 --> 00:19:26,259
MATT: Thank you, sir.
471
00:19:26,331 --> 00:19:28,458
NICOLE'S DAD: Call me if you
need anything, all right?
472
00:19:28,534 --> 00:19:30,331
You look great.
NICOLE'S DAD:
You look fantastic.
473
00:19:30,402 --> 00:19:31,494
Y'all have a good time.
474
00:19:31,570 --> 00:19:34,198
Bye, bye. I love you.
475
00:19:34,273 --> 00:19:35,934
ZACK: I love you,
too, David.
476
00:19:36,275 --> 00:19:37,833
Are you excited?
477
00:19:37,910 --> 00:19:39,002
Uh. Yeah.
478
00:19:42,281 --> 00:19:45,773
Can't wait. After all
the planning and secrecy.
479
00:19:45,851 --> 00:19:47,443
Yeah, I know.
480
00:19:47,553 --> 00:19:50,681
ZACK: Oh!
You guys are so cute.
481
00:19:50,756 --> 00:19:53,122
I cannot wait to
hear how this goes.
482
00:19:53,192 --> 00:19:54,284
Bye.
483
00:20:06,738 --> 00:20:09,673
You're fucking like this.
You see a fucking mike!
484
00:20:09,741 --> 00:20:11,732
Let's just put
it in her vagina.
485
00:20:12,077 --> 00:20:14,511
Can you hear that?
Squeaking?
486
00:20:14,580 --> 00:20:15,740
(BED SQUEAKING)
487
00:20:15,814 --> 00:20:17,213
Is it, like, white noise,
488
00:20:17,282 --> 00:20:18,340
or does it sound
like they're fucking?
489
00:20:18,483 --> 00:20:19,541
No, no.
It's clear as fuck.
490
00:20:21,320 --> 00:20:22,912
(BLOW-DRYER WHIRRING)
491
00:20:26,291 --> 00:20:28,589
Test, test.
492
00:20:28,660 --> 00:20:31,220
"Oh, baby,
that's the wrong hole."
Sounds good.
493
00:20:31,964 --> 00:20:35,400
ZACK: This one is perfect.
If she squirts,
we're gonna hear it.
494
00:20:36,668 --> 00:20:37,794
Come on, let's go.
495
00:20:55,454 --> 00:20:57,479
For you.
496
00:20:57,556 --> 00:21:00,548
All right.
Should I pop this or
should you pop this?
497
00:21:00,626 --> 00:21:01,793
Let them pop it.
498
00:21:01,793 --> 00:21:03,556
This is gonna be so good!
This is so good!
499
00:21:03,629 --> 00:21:05,597
This is, like,
the peak of our genius.
500
00:21:05,731 --> 00:21:07,665
We got it!
501
00:21:07,733 --> 00:21:08,757
(VOCALIZING)
502
00:21:08,834 --> 00:21:10,165
Hey! Hey, you want
to see me jump over...
503
00:21:10,235 --> 00:21:11,964
# Matt's gonna get fucked #
504
00:21:12,037 --> 00:21:14,130
Hell, yeah!
Jump over this.
505
00:21:14,306 --> 00:21:15,398
(ALL CHEERING)
506
00:21:16,642 --> 00:21:18,041
Nice, nice.
507
00:21:19,544 --> 00:21:22,240
Don't watch me
while I do that.
That's me time.
508
00:21:23,148 --> 00:21:25,343
All right, guys.
So what's happening
509
00:21:25,484 --> 00:21:27,679
is we're gonna
fucking make Nicole
510
00:21:27,753 --> 00:21:29,220
feel like
the bitch she is.
511
00:21:29,688 --> 00:21:31,622
Bitch. Slut, whore.
Slut.
512
00:21:31,690 --> 00:21:34,352
ZACK: And then fucking
break it online.
513
00:21:35,961 --> 00:21:37,019
Hell, no!
514
00:21:37,095 --> 00:21:38,528
ZACK: Who's excited for
Matt losing his virginity?
515
00:21:38,597 --> 00:21:41,157
Whoo! Yeah!
516
00:21:41,233 --> 00:21:42,564
Can we go
check the mikes?
517
00:21:43,402 --> 00:21:45,370
JACOB: Checking.
We're by the bed.
Can you hear this?
518
00:21:45,437 --> 00:21:46,927
We're having sex now.
This is so much fun.
519
00:21:47,072 --> 00:21:48,562
Oh, my God.
520
00:21:48,707 --> 00:21:49,799
(JACOB MOANING)
521
00:21:50,776 --> 00:21:52,437
(INDISTINCT CHATTER)
522
00:22:02,321 --> 00:22:03,310
(CELL PHONE RINGING)
523
00:22:03,422 --> 00:22:05,652
Shut up! Shut up, guys.
Guys, shut the fuck up.
524
00:22:05,991 --> 00:22:07,959
Hey, Matt.
Hey, man.
525
00:22:10,696 --> 00:22:14,792
What are you talking about?
Yes. Yes. Are you almost here?
526
00:22:15,567 --> 00:22:19,833
No. Nicole...
Then that's perfect.
527
00:22:21,406 --> 00:22:25,502
Okay, okay, okay. Hey, guys,
they're leaving right now.
528
00:22:43,962 --> 00:22:46,522
NICOLE: Champagne?
That's so sweet.
529
00:22:48,066 --> 00:22:49,090
(RATTLING)
530
00:22:49,167 --> 00:22:50,657
To us.
531
00:22:50,736 --> 00:22:52,169
MATT: Cheers.
532
00:22:52,237 --> 00:22:55,035
Do you want to
take a shower with me?
533
00:22:57,209 --> 00:22:58,767
See, actually,
I'm good right now.
534
00:22:58,844 --> 00:23:00,471
I just actually...
I took a shower.
535
00:23:00,545 --> 00:23:04,447
Come on.
I hate... I hate him.
536
00:23:06,618 --> 00:23:07,915
Fuck.
537
00:23:09,154 --> 00:23:11,145
Hey. Get these off.
538
00:23:11,223 --> 00:23:12,554
Okay.
539
00:23:13,592 --> 00:23:14,684
What?
540
00:23:17,329 --> 00:23:19,320
Is everything okay?
541
00:23:19,398 --> 00:23:21,025
Fine.
542
00:23:21,099 --> 00:23:23,829
Maybe you're
trying too hard?
543
00:23:25,170 --> 00:23:26,296
Oh, no!
544
00:23:26,371 --> 00:23:27,838
Dude, he can't get it up.
545
00:23:28,440 --> 00:23:33,139
Do you want...
How about you lie down?
Let me take care of you.
546
00:23:33,211 --> 00:23:34,235
Oh, my God.
547
00:23:34,312 --> 00:23:36,507
Can you hold that thought?
I have to run to
the bathroom really fast.
548
00:23:36,581 --> 00:23:37,946
Okay.
549
00:23:38,083 --> 00:23:39,448
Okay. Really fast.
Just one minute.
550
00:23:42,521 --> 00:23:43,886
Is he...
551
00:23:44,022 --> 00:23:45,387
He's jacking off.
552
00:23:45,624 --> 00:23:47,114
No, we'd hear it. Shh.
553
00:23:47,192 --> 00:23:49,251
I hear nothing.
What's going on?
554
00:23:54,032 --> 00:23:55,124
Fuck.
555
00:23:56,234 --> 00:23:57,496
(MATT FARTING)
556
00:23:58,069 --> 00:23:59,058
Oh!
557
00:24:00,639 --> 00:24:01,901
Oh, no.
558
00:24:01,973 --> 00:24:03,167
What did they eat
at the...
559
00:24:03,241 --> 00:24:05,004
Oh! Poor guy.
560
00:24:05,076 --> 00:24:06,703
(CONTINUES FARTING)
561
00:24:07,479 --> 00:24:08,639
Oh, my God.
That's a problem.
562
00:24:08,713 --> 00:24:09,805
That's a machine gun.
563
00:24:09,915 --> 00:24:11,109
(DOOR OPENING)
564
00:24:11,850 --> 00:24:13,181
Are you okay?
565
00:24:13,251 --> 00:24:14,650
Yeah, I'm fine.
566
00:24:14,719 --> 00:24:16,209
Actually not.
I have to go back...
567
00:24:16,288 --> 00:24:18,882
I have to go back
to the bathroom.
568
00:24:18,957 --> 00:24:20,356
Oh, my God.
He's not done.
569
00:24:20,425 --> 00:24:21,414
(MATT FARTING)
570
00:24:21,526 --> 00:24:22,823
Oh, my God.
571
00:24:26,832 --> 00:24:28,390
That's what they
call a dirty job.
572
00:24:28,467 --> 00:24:30,697
It doesn't get
nastier than that.
573
00:24:30,769 --> 00:24:32,327
Oh, my God.
574
00:24:32,404 --> 00:24:33,735
What is wrong with him?
575
00:24:33,805 --> 00:24:35,295
He could
burn his asshole.
576
00:24:36,341 --> 00:24:38,002
(NICOLE CHATTERS INDISTINCTLY)
577
00:24:39,110 --> 00:24:41,135
What's wrong?
578
00:24:41,213 --> 00:24:43,238
Fuck this.
This is wrong.
579
00:24:43,315 --> 00:24:44,782
What do you mean?
580
00:24:47,719 --> 00:24:49,016
What are you
talking about?
581
00:24:49,087 --> 00:24:50,315
(DOOR BANGING)
Oh! Shit!
582
00:24:50,455 --> 00:24:51,683
Open!
583
00:24:51,756 --> 00:24:54,122
ZACK: No comprende.
I am from Mexico.
584
00:24:54,192 --> 00:24:55,284
Is that Zack?
585
00:24:55,360 --> 00:24:59,023
All right, Zack, come on.
I can't do it.
586
00:24:59,097 --> 00:25:00,394
Hello.
What the fuck?
587
00:25:00,465 --> 00:25:04,697
Nicole, where you going?
I just want to tell you,
you look beautiful.
588
00:25:06,104 --> 00:25:07,696
Nicole, stop.
589
00:25:10,609 --> 00:25:14,545
...and he says
if I win this one,
I get to suck on your tits.
590
00:25:14,613 --> 00:25:19,312
I know that what
I did was stupid, okay?
But I didn't fuck him.
591
00:25:19,551 --> 00:25:21,678
And I was drunk,
and I know that
if I wasn't drunk
592
00:25:21,753 --> 00:25:25,655
I wouldn't have let it happen,
but it just seemed
like it wasn't so bad.
593
00:25:25,724 --> 00:25:29,592
I put two years
into this relationship,
and I thought it was going...
594
00:25:29,661 --> 00:25:30,787
It was working very well.
595
00:25:30,862 --> 00:25:32,853
And you fucked it up.
596
00:25:34,499 --> 00:25:35,557
Okay?
597
00:25:35,634 --> 00:25:39,502
I know that I fucked up,
but, like, what is
this with all the cameras?
598
00:25:39,571 --> 00:25:43,166
Like,
are you fucking kidding me?
Like, you would do that to me?
599
00:25:44,476 --> 00:25:47,411
I didn't do
anything on purpose
just to hurt you.
600
00:25:47,479 --> 00:25:51,882
You're doing this on purpose
just to hurt me, Matt.
601
00:25:52,417 --> 00:25:53,509
(GASPS)
602
00:25:58,189 --> 00:26:02,285
It's over, Nicole.
I'm breaking up
with you, all right?
603
00:26:02,360 --> 00:26:03,759
It's done.
I get it.
I get it, Matt.
604
00:26:03,828 --> 00:26:04,817
Do you?
605
00:26:07,299 --> 00:26:10,029
ZACK: Matt, kick his ass.
Fuck you, old man!
606
00:26:12,771 --> 00:26:14,500
Kick his ass, Matt!
607
00:26:16,074 --> 00:26:17,837
MATT: Ow! Oh!
608
00:26:28,219 --> 00:26:29,447
(ALL LAUGHING)
609
00:26:32,390 --> 00:26:33,652
(ALL LAUGHING)
610
00:26:35,860 --> 00:26:39,762
MATT: Why the fuck
would you post this?
I look like an idiot.
611
00:26:39,831 --> 00:26:40,923
It's you in the video.
612
00:26:40,999 --> 00:26:42,023
MATT:
What's funny about it?
613
00:26:42,100 --> 00:26:45,399
ZACK: Everyone thought
she fucked Harry.
614
00:26:45,470 --> 00:26:46,562
She just got
her tits sucked!
615
00:26:47,606 --> 00:26:49,836
Matt. What's that?
616
00:26:49,908 --> 00:26:51,899
What? What are you doing?
617
00:26:52,477 --> 00:26:54,638
ZACK:
Some Asian dude responded.
618
00:26:56,715 --> 00:26:59,912
Hi, Matt.
What you did to that girl?
619
00:27:01,386 --> 00:27:03,650
It disgust me!
620
00:27:03,722 --> 00:27:08,159
All she wanted to do
was get her titties sucked.
621
00:27:08,226 --> 00:27:09,284
Like this.
622
00:27:09,361 --> 00:27:12,387
(MOANS) Suck it, baby.
623
00:27:12,530 --> 00:27:13,724
(ALL LAUGHING)
624
00:27:14,466 --> 00:27:16,627
MATT: Maybe, you know,
maybe I need to grow up,
625
00:27:16,701 --> 00:27:19,465
maybe I'm a bit of a baby,
but at least
I'm not a cheater, you know?
626
00:27:19,537 --> 00:27:21,232
Right?
Good way to look at it.
627
00:27:21,306 --> 00:27:22,500
ZACK: Sure, dude.
628
00:27:22,707 --> 00:27:24,504
DAD: Hey!
MOM: Take a bite.
629
00:27:27,278 --> 00:27:29,576
ZACK: Seth,
when did you start balding?
630
00:27:29,648 --> 00:27:32,242
When did I start balding?
631
00:27:32,317 --> 00:27:35,718
When I was 22.
632
00:27:35,787 --> 00:27:38,779
ZACK: Matt, you're gonna
start balding at 22.
633
00:27:38,857 --> 00:27:40,791
MOM: No. Matt has
a great head of hair.
634
00:27:40,859 --> 00:27:41,917
I think I get it
from my mom.
635
00:27:41,993 --> 00:27:43,017
MOM: Yes.
636
00:27:43,094 --> 00:27:47,190
SETH: Look it, I got
something kind of special.
A little something for you.
637
00:27:48,033 --> 00:27:49,500
Check it out.
638
00:27:51,703 --> 00:27:53,694
Is there something I'm...
639
00:27:55,140 --> 00:27:56,471
It's a sobriety chip.
640
00:27:56,541 --> 00:27:58,372
ZACK: Is that a poker chip?
It's a sobriety chip.
641
00:27:58,443 --> 00:27:59,910
No, that's a sobriety
chip, man.
642
00:27:59,978 --> 00:28:01,377
That's amazing.
643
00:28:01,446 --> 00:28:02,879
It's six months?
ZACK: You got a sobriety chip?
644
00:28:02,947 --> 00:28:05,006
Yeah, absolutely.
MATT: I'm proud of you.
645
00:28:05,083 --> 00:28:08,211
Thanks, Matt.
It's been hard.
Did it for you.
646
00:28:08,286 --> 00:28:10,652
DAD: Happy birthday.
Here's a six-month chip.
647
00:28:12,057 --> 00:28:13,115
Wow!
648
00:28:13,191 --> 00:28:14,749
How many months
do you have?
649
00:28:16,127 --> 00:28:17,856
Who wants more cake?
I'll have some.
650
00:28:17,929 --> 00:28:20,454
SETH: Dude, dude, dude.
It's a big deal, you know?
651
00:28:20,532 --> 00:28:22,193
DAD: He's a good kid.
Thank you.
652
00:28:22,267 --> 00:28:25,395
In spite of the fact that
you're his dad. Father.
653
00:28:25,470 --> 00:28:27,438
That's kind of un-cool,
but whatever.
654
00:28:27,572 --> 00:28:29,563
Yeah, I know,
I'm real un-cool.
655
00:28:29,974 --> 00:28:32,772
He didn't have to come.
At least he made the effort.
656
00:28:35,580 --> 00:28:36,569
DAD: (SCOFFING) Yeah.
657
00:28:38,016 --> 00:28:39,381
I love you.
658
00:28:42,353 --> 00:28:43,445
Yeah, I can do that.
659
00:28:43,521 --> 00:28:45,352
ZACK: I got you something.
660
00:28:45,423 --> 00:28:46,981
MOM:
Oh, Zack, that's sweet!
661
00:28:51,262 --> 00:28:52,923
Panties?
DAD: What the heck is that?
662
00:28:52,997 --> 00:28:54,624
ZACK:
They're Sunny Leone's.
663
00:28:54,699 --> 00:28:55,996
MOM: Sunny Leone?
Who's...
664
00:28:56,134 --> 00:28:57,465
These are Sunny
Leone's panties?
665
00:28:57,535 --> 00:28:58,627
ZACK: Yeah.
SETH: Who's Sunny Leone?
666
00:28:58,703 --> 00:29:01,968
ZACK: Dude, open the...
It's your son's
favorite actress.
667
00:29:02,040 --> 00:29:04,099
DAD: She's an
adult film star.
668
00:29:04,175 --> 00:29:05,164
MOM: Oh, yeah.
Oh, God.
669
00:29:05,243 --> 00:29:07,734
ZACK:
That's her wearing them.
Show the picture.
670
00:29:08,213 --> 00:29:09,908
DAD: Oh, my God!
671
00:29:09,981 --> 00:29:11,972
"This is to attest
to the fact that
these panties
672
00:29:12,050 --> 00:29:14,280
"are genuine
Sunny Leone panties,
673
00:29:14,352 --> 00:29:17,014
"as worn by Sunny herself.
This is awarded to Matt."
674
00:29:17,088 --> 00:29:18,248
Signed by Sunny.
675
00:29:18,323 --> 00:29:19,654
DAD: Couldn't you
have just gotten him
676
00:29:19,791 --> 00:29:21,122
an autographed
baseball or something?
677
00:29:22,193 --> 00:29:23,387
ZACK: Matt?
678
00:29:25,396 --> 00:29:28,867
It's good.
It's a good present.
Thanks, man.
679
00:29:33,171 --> 00:29:35,401
ZACK:
Time to wake up, dirt bag!
680
00:29:35,473 --> 00:29:36,701
MATT: No!
681
00:29:37,575 --> 00:29:40,271
It's your lucky day.
Do you always have a boner?
682
00:29:40,345 --> 00:29:41,369
What the fuck
is that, dude?
683
00:29:41,446 --> 00:29:42,674
MATT: Morning wood.
It's called morning wood.
684
00:29:42,747 --> 00:29:46,740
ZACK: Dude,
I've got the biggest surprise
you've ever seen in your life.
685
00:29:46,818 --> 00:29:48,945
Click on the video.
686
00:29:49,020 --> 00:29:51,454
Hi, my name's Becca.
687
00:29:51,523 --> 00:29:54,959
I saw a video yesterday
called "Matt's Big Night,"
688
00:29:55,026 --> 00:29:58,484
and Matt, if you see this,
I want to make you an offer.
689
00:30:00,064 --> 00:30:01,554
I thought that it
was pretty shitty
690
00:30:01,633 --> 00:30:03,100
what happened with
your ex-girlfriend,
691
00:30:03,168 --> 00:30:06,934
and I thought I'd offer
myself to your cause.
692
00:30:07,071 --> 00:30:08,698
I want to be your first.
693
00:30:09,574 --> 00:30:12,202
So I'm 25.
694
00:30:12,277 --> 00:30:14,211
I'm very sexual,
695
00:30:14,279 --> 00:30:15,507
very experienced woman,
696
00:30:15,613 --> 00:30:19,709
and I'm also a direct
descendant of Cleopatra,
697
00:30:19,784 --> 00:30:22,776
and I'm 100% confident saying
698
00:30:22,854 --> 00:30:24,617
I embody her sensuality.
699
00:30:25,123 --> 00:30:26,249
I hope that you contact me
700
00:30:26,324 --> 00:30:27,518
and we could
take this further,
701
00:30:27,592 --> 00:30:30,459
and I promise
you won't regret it.
702
00:30:30,528 --> 00:30:31,859
All right, thanks.
703
00:30:34,332 --> 00:30:35,629
ZACK:
Fucking awesome.
704
00:30:35,700 --> 00:30:36,724
No way.
705
00:30:36,801 --> 00:30:37,790
Yeah.
706
00:30:37,869 --> 00:30:39,131
No.
707
00:30:40,738 --> 00:30:42,535
You're such a fucking idiot.
708
00:30:42,640 --> 00:30:44,107
I can't do it.
709
00:30:44,175 --> 00:30:47,440
I don't want to
fuck a stranger.
710
00:30:47,545 --> 00:30:48,569
Why not?
711
00:30:48,646 --> 00:30:50,841
Strangers kill
other strangers.
712
00:30:50,915 --> 00:30:54,180
Strangers also
blow other strangers.
You're not making sense.
713
00:30:54,252 --> 00:30:58,655
Maybe this lady is,
like, your long lost love,
714
00:30:58,723 --> 00:31:01,590
and you guys were
meant to be together.
715
00:31:03,228 --> 00:31:05,992
This is exactly
why God invented
the Internet.
716
00:31:06,064 --> 00:31:08,555
No, he invented
the Internet for porn.
717
00:31:08,633 --> 00:31:11,033
How is this not porn?
This is porn
that comes home.
718
00:31:11,102 --> 00:31:12,569
Porn is safe!
719
00:31:12,637 --> 00:31:16,095
Having sex leads to babies,
leads to STDs...
720
00:31:16,174 --> 00:31:17,607
Dude, porn is
your last priority...
721
00:31:17,675 --> 00:31:19,040
...leads to commitment,
marriage.
722
00:31:19,110 --> 00:31:22,011
...and me walking in.
Okay? That's what porn is.
723
00:31:22,080 --> 00:31:24,776
Porn is me seeing
you every day, sad.
724
00:31:27,151 --> 00:31:29,881
Okay, I know
this isn't your thing,
725
00:31:29,954 --> 00:31:34,687
but you really need
something to help you
forget about Nicole.
726
00:31:36,527 --> 00:31:39,655
I mean, it's
whatever you decide, okay?
It's up to you.
727
00:31:39,731 --> 00:31:41,892
I don't even know
anything about her.
728
00:31:42,033 --> 00:31:44,194
Not yet you don't.
729
00:31:47,005 --> 00:31:48,097
(ALL LAUGHING)
730
00:31:48,539 --> 00:31:53,374
ZACK: Okay, guys,
this is a phone conversation
between Becca and her doctor.
731
00:31:55,613 --> 00:32:00,482
DOCTOR: TB, HIV, syphilis,
gonorrhea, chlamydia,
all negative.
732
00:32:00,551 --> 00:32:03,816
You have no
transmittable diseases
of any kind.
733
00:32:03,888 --> 00:32:04,980
BECCA: Good.
734
00:32:05,056 --> 00:32:07,354
You do, however,
have high cholesterol.
735
00:32:07,425 --> 00:32:10,622
That's something
we should maybe talk
about getting you...
736
00:32:10,695 --> 00:32:12,253
JACOB:
It's no big deal, right?
That doesn't affect...
737
00:32:12,330 --> 00:32:13,661
JUSTIN:
It's pretty hot, actually.
738
00:32:13,731 --> 00:32:15,164
BECCA: Remember Matt?
I told you about that guy?
739
00:32:15,233 --> 00:32:16,700
Yeah.
740
00:32:17,402 --> 00:32:19,267
He's losing his virginity.
He's nervous.
741
00:32:19,370 --> 00:32:22,066
He's worried. Tell him
what I'm like in bed.
742
00:32:22,140 --> 00:32:23,573
If this is your first time,
743
00:32:23,641 --> 00:32:25,108
and it's gonna be with her,
744
00:32:25,176 --> 00:32:26,404
you're the luckiest guy
in the world.
745
00:32:28,346 --> 00:32:31,213
She'll get on top of you
and throw you around
like a rag doll,
746
00:32:31,282 --> 00:32:33,307
which is something
that most men love.
747
00:32:33,384 --> 00:32:38,481
She's just like...
She's like a stripper.
Like, arms, legs, tongue.
748
00:32:39,190 --> 00:32:40,953
It's fucking amazing.
749
00:32:41,025 --> 00:32:44,688
"Hey, Becca, it's Matt.
750
00:32:45,430 --> 00:32:49,696
"Please send me
some naked photos."
751
00:32:55,573 --> 00:32:57,700
"Why?" She wants to know why.
752
00:32:57,775 --> 00:32:59,037
MATT: I don't know.
753
00:32:59,110 --> 00:33:03,137
"To make sure you
are without penis."
754
00:33:06,084 --> 00:33:07,574
I think that's good.
755
00:33:07,652 --> 00:33:11,520
BECCA: Yeah, is there
anything else that you can say
to help young Matt
756
00:33:11,589 --> 00:33:13,853
feel more
comfortable, maybe?
757
00:33:13,925 --> 00:33:18,726
DOCTOR: Well, in addition to
being disease-free,
you're on birth control,
758
00:33:18,796 --> 00:33:20,957
so the risk of pregnancy
is very low,
759
00:33:21,032 --> 00:33:23,523
and, Matt should feel good
about that as well.
760
00:33:23,601 --> 00:33:24,761
ZACK: What more
could you ask for?
761
00:33:25,036 --> 00:33:27,368
You're not going to
find many other girls
who don't have diseases.
762
00:33:29,640 --> 00:33:30,971
What the fuck!
763
00:33:31,109 --> 00:33:32,474
MATT: What...
Hold on, hold on, hold on.
764
00:33:32,543 --> 00:33:34,511
Enlarge it, enlarge it.
ZACK: There's her vagina.
765
00:33:34,579 --> 00:33:37,013
She has a vagina.
766
00:33:37,582 --> 00:33:40,016
"Well, are we going
to do this or not?
Last chance."
767
00:33:40,084 --> 00:33:41,244
It's up to you, pal.
768
00:33:41,319 --> 00:33:45,312
All right.
Good night.
Have a happy...
769
00:33:46,591 --> 00:33:48,582
Good night.
770
00:33:48,659 --> 00:33:52,561
She wants me to buy a suit.
Ralph Lauren, Black Label.
771
00:33:52,630 --> 00:33:57,465
She said if
I want to fuck like a man,
I have to dress like a man.
772
00:33:59,337 --> 00:34:00,429
ZACK: I get that.
773
00:34:00,505 --> 00:34:02,029
God!
774
00:34:02,106 --> 00:34:03,573
I'm actually
gonna do this.
775
00:34:04,575 --> 00:34:08,944
Hey, I need to get a suit.
Ralph Lauren, Black Label.
776
00:34:09,013 --> 00:34:10,037
Sure, this way.
Okay.
777
00:34:10,114 --> 00:34:11,672
You're, like, a 36?
778
00:34:11,749 --> 00:34:12,875
I guess so.
779
00:34:12,950 --> 00:34:16,886
Okay. So,
this is a Black Label suit.
And they usually run in the...
780
00:34:16,954 --> 00:34:19,354
This one's $1,795.
781
00:34:19,424 --> 00:34:22,518
And that's
the price point right there
for Black Label suit.
782
00:34:22,593 --> 00:34:25,061
Seventeen...
$1,700.
783
00:34:25,129 --> 00:34:27,529
Becca, I want to go for it,
784
00:34:27,598 --> 00:34:31,534
but it's all just super,
super expensive,
785
00:34:31,602 --> 00:34:35,868
and if we could just
not worry about this...
786
00:34:39,077 --> 00:34:42,012
Yeah. I understand.
I got you.
787
00:34:43,014 --> 00:34:44,914
All right, see you. Bye.
788
00:34:44,982 --> 00:34:46,074
ZACK: What did she say?
789
00:34:46,150 --> 00:34:47,879
She said,
"No suit, no sex."
790
00:34:47,952 --> 00:34:49,044
ZACK: So we'll
get you the suit.
791
00:34:49,120 --> 00:34:50,178
It's not the end
of the world
792
00:34:50,254 --> 00:34:51,949
that I'm not gonna
have sex with Becca.
793
00:34:52,023 --> 00:34:53,490
I've never met
a single girl...
794
00:34:53,558 --> 00:34:54,957
ZACK: Look at me.
795
00:34:58,129 --> 00:34:59,494
What?
796
00:34:59,564 --> 00:35:01,998
After that.
I mean, come on, dude.
797
00:35:03,167 --> 00:35:04,896
ZACK: It's not like you
don't have the money.
I don't have the money.
798
00:35:04,969 --> 00:35:08,564
ZACK: You have a college fund
that's overflowing with money.
799
00:35:09,540 --> 00:35:12,441
Your mom would
want you to do this.
800
00:35:15,079 --> 00:35:18,879
Matt, this is your last tape,
801
00:35:18,950 --> 00:35:20,645
and I just
wanted to let you know
802
00:35:20,718 --> 00:35:22,447
that I've put away
a little money for you.
803
00:35:22,854 --> 00:35:24,515
I hope it will
help with college
804
00:35:24,589 --> 00:35:27,615
and make your life just
a little easier, okay?
805
00:35:29,760 --> 00:35:34,060
I wish I could be
at your graduation.
I'm really proud of you.
806
00:35:36,000 --> 00:35:37,365
I love you.
807
00:35:39,971 --> 00:35:43,532
Sir, it looks
as if your account
has been liquidated.
808
00:35:44,842 --> 00:35:47,242
MATT: That's...
That's impossible.
809
00:35:47,311 --> 00:35:49,108
I mean, nobody has
access to my account.
810
00:35:51,382 --> 00:35:54,613
MATT:
So, I went to take money
out of my bank account,
811
00:35:54,685 --> 00:35:58,746
and apparently
my dad had cleaned out
all my funds for college.
812
00:35:58,823 --> 00:36:00,347
KRYSTA: Oh, my God.
813
00:36:01,959 --> 00:36:03,927
Poor Matt.
I'm so sorry.
814
00:36:05,930 --> 00:36:07,921
Maybe we should
call the cops.
815
00:36:08,065 --> 00:36:10,056
I don't want to
have him arrested.
816
00:36:12,470 --> 00:36:15,633
ZACK: Maybe you should
just punch him in the face
and ask for the money back.
817
00:36:15,706 --> 00:36:17,469
Okay, yeah, that's
gonna do a lot of good.
818
00:36:17,608 --> 00:36:19,371
Let's just punch
people in the face.
819
00:36:19,443 --> 00:36:21,468
Why don't you just
call him? Maybe...
820
00:36:21,546 --> 00:36:24,515
He's on this path to recovery.
Maybe he'll give it back.
821
00:36:24,582 --> 00:36:26,049
Well, he doesn't
have a phone.
822
00:36:26,117 --> 00:36:27,550
He's living in
the swamps right now.
823
00:36:27,685 --> 00:36:29,118
Well, then, let's go.
In the swamps?
824
00:36:29,187 --> 00:36:30,245
Yeah.
825
00:36:30,354 --> 00:36:32,219
Can we go there?
826
00:36:32,290 --> 00:36:33,314
Let's go.
827
00:36:33,391 --> 00:36:34,380
Well, I'll confront him,
828
00:36:34,458 --> 00:36:35,516
and we will talk about it.
829
00:36:35,626 --> 00:36:37,116
I think that's a great idea.
830
00:36:37,195 --> 00:36:39,063
I'd like to see you
confront someone.
831
00:36:40,198 --> 00:36:41,995
There he is, right there.
All right, Zack, ready?
832
00:36:42,233 --> 00:36:43,461
Come on!
833
00:36:45,102 --> 00:36:46,626
Come on!
834
00:36:46,704 --> 00:36:48,194
JUSTIN:
Road trip, motherfucker!
835
00:36:48,272 --> 00:36:51,070
ZACK:
Get the fuck in the car,
you fucker!
836
00:36:52,143 --> 00:36:53,167
All right, drive.
Drive!
837
00:36:53,244 --> 00:36:54,233
KRYSTA: Go!
838
00:36:55,680 --> 00:36:57,307
ZACK: Everybody wave.
839
00:36:57,448 --> 00:36:59,075
Say hello to that guy.
840
00:36:59,550 --> 00:37:01,450
We're going!
Where am I going?
841
00:37:09,560 --> 00:37:10,549
(MATT SPEAKING)
842
00:37:10,628 --> 00:37:11,617
Nicole keeps texting me.
843
00:37:11,696 --> 00:37:12,685
(KRYSTA SPEAKING)
844
00:37:12,763 --> 00:37:13,752
Are you going to talk to her?
845
00:37:13,831 --> 00:37:14,923
I don't think I should.
846
00:37:14,999 --> 00:37:16,899
I'm trying to think
more in the moment,
and right now,
847
00:37:16,968 --> 00:37:18,595
I need to stop
thinking about Nicole
848
00:37:18,736 --> 00:37:20,397
and start
thinking about Becca.
849
00:37:20,471 --> 00:37:21,733
I understand that.
850
00:37:21,806 --> 00:37:25,606
Some of the best sex
I've ever had is with
people I don't know.
851
00:37:25,676 --> 00:37:27,075
That's really sketchy.
852
00:37:27,144 --> 00:37:28,509
It's true!
853
00:37:29,447 --> 00:37:30,971
Who wants water gators?
854
00:37:31,048 --> 00:37:32,538
What in God's name is this?
855
00:37:33,551 --> 00:37:35,485
Ow! Oh, what the fuck?
856
00:37:35,720 --> 00:37:37,381
KRYSTA: Get excited, man.
857
00:37:37,455 --> 00:37:40,913
There's nothing more fun
than something
a little wrong.
858
00:37:40,992 --> 00:37:45,793
And what you're doing
is so fucking wrong
that it's awesome.
859
00:37:46,364 --> 00:37:49,492
Before you know it,
you're doing shit you
would have never imagined.
860
00:37:54,138 --> 00:37:55,127
JUSTIN: Snooker Island?
861
00:37:55,206 --> 00:37:56,366
MATT: Do you know where
Snooker Island is?
862
00:37:56,440 --> 00:37:58,704
Untie this little
rope around here.
863
00:37:58,776 --> 00:37:59,765
Oh, shit!
Oh, shit.
864
00:37:59,844 --> 00:38:00,868
You ain't going nowhere.
865
00:38:01,679 --> 00:38:03,203
(BOAT ENGINE WHIRRING)
866
00:38:15,960 --> 00:38:17,188
MATT: Hey, Dad.
867
00:38:17,261 --> 00:38:20,560
Hey, hey.
What's up, Matt?
868
00:38:22,767 --> 00:38:27,295
How's it going there?
Loving it?
You loving this baby?
869
00:38:28,839 --> 00:38:32,798
SETH: So, I kind of
put some extra care
into outfitting it.
870
00:38:32,877 --> 00:38:34,469
I'm just so grateful
to have this in my life.
871
00:38:34,545 --> 00:38:39,482
It's the only thing
that I have that's mine,
you know?
872
00:38:39,550 --> 00:38:42,951
But someday
it'll be yours.
873
00:38:44,021 --> 00:38:45,010
Thank you.
874
00:38:46,324 --> 00:38:49,452
Dad, do you have a minute
that we can go
talk in private?
875
00:38:50,027 --> 00:38:51,016
Yeah.
876
00:38:52,363 --> 00:38:54,024
TINA: I'm sorry.
Are you saying
I stole money?
877
00:38:54,131 --> 00:38:58,067
(STUTTERS)
I wasn't talking to you.
I was...
878
00:38:58,135 --> 00:38:59,727
TINA: Did you do this?
879
00:38:59,870 --> 00:39:01,064
SETH: Um...
880
00:39:02,006 --> 00:39:03,030
TINA:
What are you? A moron?
881
00:39:03,107 --> 00:39:04,096
SETH: No.
882
00:39:04,175 --> 00:39:05,199
TINA: You know something
about your dad?
883
00:39:05,276 --> 00:39:06,368
I don't know
if you know this
or not,
884
00:39:06,444 --> 00:39:08,275
but your dad is
a little bitch.
885
00:39:08,346 --> 00:39:10,109
Did you know that?
You probably
do know that,
886
00:39:10,181 --> 00:39:13,014
'cause you lived
with him for a while.
If people weren't here...
887
00:39:13,084 --> 00:39:14,745
Just fucking get that
shit out of my face.
888
00:39:14,819 --> 00:39:18,448
MATT: We came all the way
out here just for that,
and I...
889
00:39:18,522 --> 00:39:22,686
Do I look like a bank?
I mean,
I can't press a button
890
00:39:22,760 --> 00:39:25,786
and money's gonna
just fucking pop
out of nowhere.
891
00:39:25,863 --> 00:39:28,058
You could, you know,
have some compassion for me
892
00:39:28,132 --> 00:39:29,224
and stuff like that.
I mean...
893
00:39:29,300 --> 00:39:30,995
I have plenty of
compassion for you.
894
00:39:31,068 --> 00:39:33,002
Can I just
say something?
895
00:39:33,070 --> 00:39:36,870
I just wanted you to
know that, you know,
896
00:39:36,941 --> 00:39:39,341
the person who did
whatever it is
that you think I did
897
00:39:39,410 --> 00:39:40,502
was not really me,
898
00:39:40,578 --> 00:39:44,036
'cause that was a person
who was on drugs who did that.
899
00:39:45,983 --> 00:39:48,451
So, let me get...
Are you using drugs
right now?
900
00:39:48,519 --> 00:39:50,077
No, of course
I'm not using drugs.
901
00:39:50,154 --> 00:39:51,644
You're clearheaded?
902
00:39:51,722 --> 00:39:54,782
Yeah. No. I mean,
yeah. Absolutely.
903
00:39:54,859 --> 00:39:56,918
And you have no intention
of paying me back?
904
00:39:58,929 --> 00:40:00,920
Well, I'm
a drug addict, man.
905
00:40:01,499 --> 00:40:04,229
ZACK: Matt, let's get
the fuck out of here.
906
00:40:06,170 --> 00:40:07,865
All right,
you guys ready?
907
00:40:08,005 --> 00:40:09,700
KRYSTA:
Wait, Matt,
where you going?
908
00:40:21,218 --> 00:40:22,378
(KRYSTA LAUGHING)
909
00:40:30,995 --> 00:40:32,622
That was awesome.
910
00:40:33,931 --> 00:40:37,594
KRYSTA:
Thanks for nothing, dickwad!
911
00:40:41,472 --> 00:40:42,996
ZACK: Matt,
let's go get drunk.
912
00:40:43,073 --> 00:40:44,208
MATT: Yeah.
913
00:40:44,341 --> 00:40:47,333
Party's all inside.
Bring us a beer
on your way out.
914
00:40:47,411 --> 00:40:48,503
Okay.
915
00:40:49,547 --> 00:40:51,242
(ROCK MUSIC PLAYING)
916
00:41:01,959 --> 00:41:05,417
I want to grow up to be him.
917
00:41:09,500 --> 00:41:12,435
Hey! Who has a match?
Who has a match?
918
00:41:16,140 --> 00:41:19,632
Smoking's bad.
Smoking's bad.
919
00:41:19,710 --> 00:41:20,938
(GUITAR PLAYING)
920
00:41:22,613 --> 00:41:23,978
(SINGING)
921
00:41:54,011 --> 00:41:55,239
You're so good.
922
00:41:55,346 --> 00:41:57,007
Oh, thank you.
923
00:41:57,081 --> 00:41:58,548
You're good.
924
00:41:58,616 --> 00:41:59,708
ZACK: Hey.
925
00:42:11,695 --> 00:42:13,026
You guys into
incense porn?
926
00:42:13,097 --> 00:42:14,155
Incense?
927
00:42:14,231 --> 00:42:15,858
KRYSTA:
Zack, stop it! Stop it!
928
00:42:15,933 --> 00:42:17,525
ZACK: Incest porn?
929
00:42:17,601 --> 00:42:19,466
You guys into
incest porn?
930
00:42:20,237 --> 00:42:23,070
Like you've never
gotten a boner off of me.
931
00:42:23,140 --> 00:42:24,801
Like you've never
seen me in the buff.
932
00:42:24,875 --> 00:42:26,308
I've never gotten your...
933
00:42:26,377 --> 00:42:27,969
What the fuck?
JACOB: I have.
934
00:42:28,045 --> 00:42:29,171
KRYSTA: Thank you, Jacob.
935
00:42:29,246 --> 00:42:30,941
JUSTIN:
Zack, why are you
so upset, buddy?
936
00:42:31,015 --> 00:42:32,915
I mean, think about it,
now. Be honest.
937
00:42:32,983 --> 00:42:36,316
They're not really
brother and sister.
938
00:42:36,387 --> 00:42:38,048
They're not related.
It's not like
you and Krysta.
939
00:42:38,122 --> 00:42:39,953
But they're my
brother and sister.
940
00:42:40,024 --> 00:42:41,889
But they're not related.
Admit it.
941
00:42:41,992 --> 00:42:44,893
They're not really
brother and sister.
942
00:42:44,962 --> 00:42:46,293
There's no blood
shared there.
943
00:42:46,397 --> 00:42:47,455
(ZACK COUGHING)
944
00:42:47,932 --> 00:42:51,629
That is why
I wouldn't make out
with my brother and Krysta.
945
00:42:54,471 --> 00:42:56,166
JUSTIN: Fuck. Jesus!
946
00:42:56,240 --> 00:42:57,332
(JACOB LAUGHING)
947
00:42:57,408 --> 00:42:58,636
Write...
948
00:43:01,145 --> 00:43:02,544
JACOB: (WHISPERS) Nice.
949
00:43:03,647 --> 00:43:04,875
(JUSTIN CHUCKLING)
950
00:43:05,683 --> 00:43:06,707
Justin.
What?
951
00:43:06,784 --> 00:43:09,480
I think Matt and Krysta
are hooking up.
952
00:43:12,957 --> 00:43:14,982
(MATT AND KRYSTA CHUCKLING)
953
00:43:27,237 --> 00:43:28,465
Zack.
954
00:43:28,539 --> 00:43:29,972
ZACK:
Oh, what the fuck?
955
00:43:30,040 --> 00:43:33,373
JACOB: Just get up.
Look, there's something
you gotta see.
956
00:43:33,444 --> 00:43:34,741
Did someone die?
957
00:43:34,812 --> 00:43:36,074
JACOB:
There's a situation.
958
00:43:36,513 --> 00:43:38,140
(MUMBLING INDISTINCTLY)
959
00:43:39,817 --> 00:43:41,341
No, no,
don't go that way.
Zack, come here,
960
00:43:41,485 --> 00:43:43,009
come here,
come here, come here.
961
00:43:43,087 --> 00:43:45,078
Just open up that tent.
What...
962
00:43:45,556 --> 00:43:46,682
Shh.
963
00:43:48,492 --> 00:43:53,520
This is pathetic.
She's still sleeping.
It's not funny.
964
00:43:55,566 --> 00:43:56,590
KRYSTA: Stop it.
965
00:43:56,667 --> 00:44:00,763
Why are you guys naked?
Oh, no, no, no. Matt, out.
966
00:44:03,273 --> 00:44:05,104
Hey. Now.
Get out of here.
967
00:44:05,175 --> 00:44:06,699
JACOB:
Everybody calm down.
968
00:44:06,810 --> 00:44:08,072
(JUSTIN LAUGHING)
969
00:44:08,178 --> 00:44:10,339
JACOB: It's all good.
970
00:44:12,282 --> 00:44:13,681
(LAUGHTER)
971
00:44:13,984 --> 00:44:15,383
JACOB: It's all good!
972
00:44:15,452 --> 00:44:16,646
Whoa! Whoa!
973
00:44:16,720 --> 00:44:18,347
Other tent.
Now. I'm serious.
974
00:44:18,422 --> 00:44:20,481
I will fucking hit you.
KRYSTA: Mind your own
fucking business.
975
00:44:20,557 --> 00:44:21,615
ZACK: I'm sorry?
976
00:44:21,692 --> 00:44:23,819
Yes! Mind your
own business!
977
00:44:25,863 --> 00:44:26,921
JUSTIN: Good night, Matt.
978
00:44:26,997 --> 00:44:28,021
ZACK: And Krysta.
979
00:44:28,098 --> 00:44:29,122
KRYSTA: What? Stop it.
980
00:44:29,199 --> 00:44:31,565
I'm very
disappointed in you.
981
00:44:31,635 --> 00:44:34,069
Well, I can do
whatever the fuck I want.
982
00:44:34,138 --> 00:44:36,129
ZACK: I don't think
you want to fuck Matt.
983
00:44:41,979 --> 00:44:43,412
ZACK: Krysta?
KRYSTA: What?
984
00:44:43,647 --> 00:44:46,207
Can we
make a new rule?
985
00:44:46,283 --> 00:44:48,478
No more attempted
sibling sex?
986
00:44:50,754 --> 00:44:52,187
Deal.
987
00:44:52,256 --> 00:44:56,784
Hey, just so you know,
I was really drunk last night.
988
00:44:56,860 --> 00:45:00,057
That's... It's not ever
gonna happen again.
989
00:45:01,465 --> 00:45:04,298
I... Yeah, I...
I understand. It's cool.
990
00:45:04,368 --> 00:45:05,562
Listen.
991
00:45:06,837 --> 00:45:10,102
You're not gonna
lose your virginity
with me, okay?
992
00:45:13,410 --> 00:45:16,208
ZACK: Get up, baby.
We're gonna get you that suit.
993
00:45:16,280 --> 00:45:18,840
Yeah.
994
00:45:22,653 --> 00:45:23,642
(MATT SPEAKING)
995
00:45:27,257 --> 00:45:28,246
(MATT SPEAKING)
996
00:45:33,063 --> 00:45:35,088
MATT: Sorry, dude.
ZACK: Dude, everybody's
in the position.
997
00:45:35,165 --> 00:45:37,156
Ready to go.
Are you ready?
998
00:45:37,234 --> 00:45:38,701
JACOB: Hey, dude. Okay.
999
00:45:38,769 --> 00:45:40,168
JUSTIN: Don't even worry.
1000
00:45:40,237 --> 00:45:44,503
ZACK: The guy out front
goes on break right now.
1001
00:45:45,442 --> 00:45:46,500
I look okay?
1002
00:45:46,577 --> 00:45:48,010
ZACK: You look like
a child pornographer.
1003
00:45:48,078 --> 00:45:49,204
Thanks.
1004
00:45:49,279 --> 00:45:51,247
MATT: How can I sustain
$40,000 right now?
1005
00:45:51,348 --> 00:45:54,044
I'm not a fucking bank!
Dumb motherfucker!
1006
00:45:54,118 --> 00:45:57,849
I'm gonna start counting.
I get to three,
one, two, three...
1007
00:45:58,522 --> 00:46:00,012
(TALKING INDISTINCTLY)
1008
00:46:02,092 --> 00:46:03,684
Fuck! We're dead!
1009
00:46:05,763 --> 00:46:06,923
Sorry.
1010
00:46:08,966 --> 00:46:11,730
Rape! Rape! Rape!
1011
00:46:25,716 --> 00:46:26,705
(MATT AND ZACK SINGING)
1012
00:46:26,817 --> 00:46:28,375
# How many spots
are on a baby giraffe?
1013
00:46:28,452 --> 00:46:31,114
# A baby giraffe
A baby giraffe
1014
00:46:31,188 --> 00:46:33,383
# Let's count
the spots on a baby giraffe
1015
00:46:33,857 --> 00:46:35,449
# Let's start with one
1016
00:46:35,526 --> 00:46:38,984
# One. One, two, three
# One, two, three, four, five
1017
00:46:39,062 --> 00:46:42,190
# Four, five, six, seven
# Six, seven,
eight, nine, 10 #
1018
00:46:42,266 --> 00:46:44,200
ZACK: I'm gonna be
completely honest right now.
1019
00:46:44,268 --> 00:46:46,259
I thought you were
gonna fucking pussy out.
1020
00:46:46,336 --> 00:46:48,395
You did so good, dude.
It was fucking awesome.
1021
00:46:48,472 --> 00:46:51,464
MATT: I... I don't know.
I've... I've never...
1022
00:46:51,542 --> 00:46:54,602
(SIGHS) I've never felt
anything like this before.
1023
00:46:54,678 --> 00:46:55,770
What?
1024
00:46:55,846 --> 00:46:56,904
MATT: Not even when
I was with Nicole, man.
1025
00:46:56,980 --> 00:47:02,350
I've... I've never
felt this close to...
To having sex.
1026
00:47:04,021 --> 00:47:05,511
ZACK: I'm excited for you.
1027
00:47:05,656 --> 00:47:07,257
MATT: Thanks, man.
1028
00:47:15,032 --> 00:47:16,363
ZACK: Hey, Becca.
1029
00:47:17,935 --> 00:47:19,926
Becca. Wow!
BECCA: What's going on?
How you doing?
1030
00:47:20,070 --> 00:47:23,733
You look even prettier...
You look even prettier than...
1031
00:47:23,807 --> 00:47:25,900
Than the pictures
that you sent.
You're prettier in real life.
1032
00:47:25,976 --> 00:47:31,073
Oh. Thank you.
I like your glasses.
Hi, honey! How are you?
1033
00:47:31,315 --> 00:47:32,748
Hey, little guy.
1034
00:47:32,816 --> 00:47:34,181
That's my son, Renner.
1035
00:47:34,952 --> 00:47:36,249
Can you say hi, Renner?
Son?
1036
00:47:36,320 --> 00:47:38,220
Hi.
Renner, you remember...
1037
00:47:38,288 --> 00:47:40,620
Do you remember
Matt from the video?
1038
00:47:40,691 --> 00:47:42,022
You showed him my video?
1039
00:47:42,092 --> 00:47:44,925
Is this the guy
that had diarrhea?
1040
00:47:44,995 --> 00:47:48,431
Yes, I did have
diarrhea once.
1041
00:47:53,303 --> 00:47:57,205
Sure. Renner,
do you want a photo?
1042
00:47:57,274 --> 00:47:59,242
Okay.
Okay. All right.
1043
00:47:59,309 --> 00:48:01,402
You ready? Say cheese.
1044
00:48:03,480 --> 00:48:04,469
(CAMERA CLICKS)
1045
00:48:05,782 --> 00:48:08,751
ZACK: You guys look great.
You look like a family.
1046
00:48:12,422 --> 00:48:17,257
ZACK: Hey, Renner,
have you ever seen
your mom naked? I have.
1047
00:48:23,734 --> 00:48:25,099
So, I will
see you tomorrow.
Okay.
1048
00:48:25,168 --> 00:48:26,999
All right, great.
So, I'll just get a...
1049
00:48:27,070 --> 00:48:28,833
Sounds good.
I'm gonna give you this.
1050
00:48:28,906 --> 00:48:30,669
Oh. Thank you.
1051
00:48:30,741 --> 00:48:32,470
There's that.
Just a...
1052
00:48:32,542 --> 00:48:33,531
Thank you.
1053
00:48:33,610 --> 00:48:34,736
I'll see you.
1054
00:48:40,217 --> 00:48:43,345
I could be a dad.
1055
00:48:43,420 --> 00:48:46,048
It says, "Please be showered,
shaved, and no pubic hair."
1056
00:48:47,291 --> 00:48:48,315
ZACK: Holy shit.
1057
00:48:48,392 --> 00:48:50,189
I mean, we talked
about it a little bit.
1058
00:48:50,260 --> 00:48:54,253
She said pubic hair,
you know, prevents people
from getting as deep
1059
00:48:54,331 --> 00:48:56,856
as... You know,
as possible.
1060
00:48:56,934 --> 00:48:58,094
ZACK: Then do it.
1061
00:48:58,168 --> 00:49:00,602
I'm kind of...
I have butterflies
in my stomach right now.
1062
00:49:00,671 --> 00:49:02,536
ZACK: You should have
butterflies in your penis.
1063
00:49:02,606 --> 00:49:08,306
I feel... I feel...
I feel happier than I have
since I broke up with Nicole.
1064
00:49:08,745 --> 00:49:10,303
High-five.
1065
00:49:10,380 --> 00:49:11,847
Kickflip.
1066
00:49:17,554 --> 00:49:21,251
ZACK: You need to control
every single thing
that happens in that room.
1067
00:49:21,325 --> 00:49:24,556
Not only will it
make you feel better,
it's gonna turn her on.
1068
00:49:24,628 --> 00:49:27,062
I would actually
be more comfortable
if I didn't have
1069
00:49:27,130 --> 00:49:28,188
to be in control.
I like letting it...
1070
00:49:28,265 --> 00:49:29,289
ZACK: I would be
more comfortable
1071
00:49:29,366 --> 00:49:30,697
if my brother
wasn't an old woman.
1072
00:49:32,202 --> 00:49:33,396
Shall we check
further along?
1073
00:49:34,705 --> 00:49:36,195
ZACK: Dude,
you're being a pussy.
1074
00:49:37,541 --> 00:49:40,908
Slightly, yes.
I mean, very slightly.
1075
00:49:40,978 --> 00:49:42,377
I don't know where
to begin with her, though.
1076
00:49:42,446 --> 00:49:43,504
What do I say? What do I...
1077
00:49:43,580 --> 00:49:44,569
You say...
1078
00:49:44,648 --> 00:49:46,741
You say anything
you want to say.
1079
00:49:46,883 --> 00:49:48,976
You have no
reason to freak out.
1080
00:49:49,052 --> 00:49:52,613
MATT: I... I'm... I'm...
I'm thinking of all
the possibilities.
1081
00:49:52,689 --> 00:49:55,954
She could,
you know, get on top,
take the initiative,
1082
00:49:56,026 --> 00:49:59,393
and, you know, just...
Just be a man for...
Just this once.
1083
00:49:59,463 --> 00:50:00,896
ZACK:
You need to grow
a pair of balls.
1084
00:50:00,964 --> 00:50:02,989
I have balls.
Fucking give it to her.
1085
00:50:03,066 --> 00:50:05,125
I have the balls
to give it to her.
1086
00:50:05,202 --> 00:50:06,863
She's gonna fuck
your brains out.
1087
00:50:08,405 --> 00:50:09,394
Yeah.
1088
00:50:14,411 --> 00:50:15,537
MATT:
Oh, that's gonna hurt.
1089
00:50:15,679 --> 00:50:16,839
ZACK: All right,
I got a razor, buddy.
1090
00:50:19,950 --> 00:50:20,974
You ready?
1091
00:50:21,051 --> 00:50:25,317
Such a... This is, like,
the weirdest situation
I've ever been in.
1092
00:50:26,323 --> 00:50:27,347
Let's do this.
1093
00:50:28,892 --> 00:50:30,086
(ZACK LAUGHING)
1094
00:50:30,927 --> 00:50:32,656
Why is that funny?
It's not a massage.
1095
00:50:32,729 --> 00:50:34,697
You rub it around
the fucking hairy parts,
1096
00:50:34,831 --> 00:50:36,799
not your whole dick,
you weirdo.
1097
00:50:37,634 --> 00:50:39,158
Just keep shaving, man.
1098
00:50:39,236 --> 00:50:40,362
MATT:
It's tedious work, dude.
1099
00:50:40,437 --> 00:50:42,837
You're not really
getting very much off.
1100
00:50:42,906 --> 00:50:43,964
Can't see
what I'm doing.
1101
00:50:44,041 --> 00:50:45,770
Just push hard.
Push harder.
1102
00:50:46,176 --> 00:50:47,404
1103
00:50:49,880 --> 00:50:53,782
Hey, you got this.
You're golden.
1104
00:50:53,850 --> 00:50:54,942
I can't do it.
1105
00:50:55,052 --> 00:50:57,520
Yes, you can, dude.
Get up.
1106
00:50:57,587 --> 00:50:58,952
You can do this.
1107
00:50:59,022 --> 00:51:00,649
I can't.
Yeah, I'll do it with you.
1108
00:51:01,558 --> 00:51:03,992
Could you?
'Cause I really can't.
1109
00:51:04,061 --> 00:51:06,962
No, my hands are
shaking too much.
1110
00:51:07,030 --> 00:51:12,662
So, when you're
fucking her tonight,
you know what you should say?
1111
00:51:12,736 --> 00:51:17,173
I was thinking about this
last week. You should say,
1112
00:51:17,240 --> 00:51:21,301
"Girl,
I'm gonna fuck the taste
right out of your mouth."
1113
00:51:22,813 --> 00:51:26,909
No. No, I'm not
saying that to anyone.
1114
00:51:26,983 --> 00:51:28,644
It's classy.
It's not classy.
1115
00:51:28,718 --> 00:51:30,276
It's very classy.
That's something...
1116
00:51:30,353 --> 00:51:32,821
That's like holding
the door for a woman.
1117
00:51:32,889 --> 00:51:34,220
Saying that I want
to fuck the taste
1118
00:51:34,291 --> 00:51:35,485
out of the woman?
1119
00:51:35,559 --> 00:51:37,083
Absolutely.
1120
00:51:37,160 --> 00:51:38,962
I am good at this.
1121
00:51:40,864 --> 00:51:43,424
ZACK:
You ready? This is it.
1122
00:51:45,802 --> 00:51:46,826
Let's go.
1123
00:51:48,572 --> 00:51:49,732
MATT: Becca?
1124
00:51:52,242 --> 00:51:53,436
Becca!
1125
00:51:55,712 --> 00:51:57,077
Hey!
1126
00:51:57,147 --> 00:51:59,479
The lock is messed up.
I'll lower a key to you.
1127
00:51:59,883 --> 00:52:00,975
Okay.
1128
00:52:06,590 --> 00:52:07,614
Got it.
1129
00:52:07,757 --> 00:52:08,781
BECCA:
Okay, come on up.
1130
00:52:11,027 --> 00:52:12,085
Wow.
1131
00:52:12,329 --> 00:52:14,354
You look fantastic.
1132
00:52:14,531 --> 00:52:16,021
Got you these flowers.
1133
00:52:16,466 --> 00:52:18,366
They look great.
Thanks.
1134
00:52:18,602 --> 00:52:19,591
(BECCA SPEAKING)
1135
00:52:19,703 --> 00:52:20,692
So, see you later.
1136
00:52:20,770 --> 00:52:21,964
ZACK: All right.
1137
00:52:22,038 --> 00:52:23,699
Thanks, dude.
1138
00:52:24,441 --> 00:52:26,136
I can take it from here.
1139
00:52:26,209 --> 00:52:27,301
Okay, bye.
1140
00:52:27,377 --> 00:52:29,709
ZACK: Bye. I'll see you
guys later. Have fun.
1141
00:52:32,616 --> 00:52:33,947
Bye, Zack.
1142
00:52:36,119 --> 00:52:38,713
ZACK: Yeah, yeah, yeah.
I was just finding
the stairs.
1143
00:52:38,788 --> 00:52:40,722
I found them.
They're here.
1144
00:52:44,828 --> 00:52:46,455
BECCA: Your suit's nice.
1145
00:52:47,731 --> 00:52:53,601
You look good.
I jacked off twice today
thinking about you.
1146
00:52:55,172 --> 00:53:01,202
MATT: Oh! Yeah,
you know, right back at you.
I've just been, like, 24-7.
1147
00:53:01,278 --> 00:53:03,542
That's flattering.
1148
00:53:03,613 --> 00:53:06,548
Did you do everything
that I asked you to do?
1149
00:53:06,616 --> 00:53:08,243
Yeah.
Yeah?
1150
00:53:08,351 --> 00:53:09,340
Mmm-hmm.
1151
00:53:10,187 --> 00:53:11,586
Clothes off.
1152
00:53:12,722 --> 00:53:14,553
Mmm? Sorry?
1153
00:53:14,624 --> 00:53:19,084
Take your...
Take your clothes off.
Let's see. I mean, you know.
1154
00:53:23,233 --> 00:53:24,700
How was your day?
1155
00:53:24,768 --> 00:53:25,757
It was good. Good.
1156
00:53:25,835 --> 00:53:26,893
Yeah?
1157
00:53:33,843 --> 00:53:38,143
All right. Come on in.
Have a seat on my bed.
1158
00:53:39,149 --> 00:53:41,083
Little champagne? No?
1159
00:53:41,151 --> 00:53:44,882
Don't have any.
So, what do you
want to do to me?
1160
00:53:46,957 --> 00:53:49,892
Good sex requires
good communication.
1161
00:53:53,396 --> 00:53:57,093
All right, what if
I started off with...
1162
00:53:58,902 --> 00:54:01,200
Massaging your shoulders.
1163
00:54:01,271 --> 00:54:03,569
Okay, that's...
That's a good start.
1164
00:54:03,640 --> 00:54:05,198
And...
1165
00:54:05,275 --> 00:54:06,299
What else?
1166
00:54:09,646 --> 00:54:12,376
I'm not sure.
That's all...
That's all for right now.
1167
00:54:12,449 --> 00:54:13,609
That's all
I can think of.
1168
00:54:13,683 --> 00:54:19,212
Okay. That's...
That's what you
fantasize about 24-7,
1169
00:54:19,289 --> 00:54:21,951
jacking off to massaging?
Massaging my shoulders?
1170
00:54:22,025 --> 00:54:25,461
Yeah, but then,
whatever happens, happens.
Right? You know?
1171
00:54:25,528 --> 00:54:30,158
Goes from there
to the lower back
to the buttocks.
1172
00:54:31,835 --> 00:54:33,029
Yeah. You know what?
1173
00:54:33,103 --> 00:54:36,129
I'm not really getting
hot from that. Sorry.
1174
00:54:36,206 --> 00:54:38,834
No, wait, no.
1175
00:54:38,908 --> 00:54:43,436
Okay, what if
after all that,
1176
00:54:46,016 --> 00:54:49,247
I fuck the taste
out of your mouth.
1177
00:54:49,319 --> 00:54:50,445
That's good?
1178
00:54:50,587 --> 00:54:51,713
What? What...
1179
00:54:54,391 --> 00:54:59,693
Okay. Tell me,
why would I need the taste
fucked out of my mouth?
1180
00:54:59,763 --> 00:55:01,390
I don't...
What does that mean?
1181
00:55:01,464 --> 00:55:03,329
(STUTTERS)
Well, I... If you need...
lf, like... I don't know.
1182
00:55:03,400 --> 00:55:06,233
Do you think
that I need the taste
fucked out of my mouth?
1183
00:55:06,303 --> 00:55:08,863
I don't think... No.
I don't think you need it.
1184
00:55:08,938 --> 00:55:11,771
I'm just saying that
maybe it's, like, a...
1185
00:55:13,476 --> 00:55:15,467
No.
No.
1186
00:55:15,545 --> 00:55:20,039
Just forget I said it.
Let's start at the beginning.
1187
00:55:20,116 --> 00:55:21,276
Sorry.
1188
00:55:22,619 --> 00:55:23,881
Okay, you know what
we're gonna do?
1189
00:55:23,953 --> 00:55:25,181
What are we gonna do?
1190
00:55:25,255 --> 00:55:28,713
Have you ever
gone down on a girl?
Given a girl head?
1191
00:55:28,792 --> 00:55:31,124
I mean, I got really close.
1192
00:55:31,194 --> 00:55:32,354
It was, like,
inches away from my face.
1193
00:55:32,429 --> 00:55:33,487
Okay. Yeah.
1194
00:55:33,563 --> 00:55:35,053
Well, that's where
we're gonna start.
1195
00:55:35,131 --> 00:55:36,462
Okay.
1196
00:55:36,533 --> 00:55:40,970
Bend over here,
and we're just gonna
pretend that this is me.
1197
00:55:41,037 --> 00:55:44,165
That's...
That has a penis.
1198
00:55:44,240 --> 00:55:48,438
BECCA: So, yeah.
Just follow me over here.
She can just lay right here.
1199
00:55:49,045 --> 00:55:52,640
And, you know,
we're just gonna
start from the basics.
1200
00:55:52,716 --> 00:55:54,547
Okay, if you need
some support,
1201
00:55:54,617 --> 00:55:57,984
pretend that
the asshole is a pussy.
If you need to.
1202
00:55:58,054 --> 00:55:59,180
Get on your knees first.
1203
00:56:00,657 --> 00:56:03,626
On your knees.
On your knees.
1204
00:56:07,697 --> 00:56:11,155
Okay, take her legs up.
There you go.
1205
00:56:11,234 --> 00:56:14,294
Pretend...
Pretend that's me.
All right.
1206
00:56:16,439 --> 00:56:18,907
Yeah. There you go.
1207
00:56:20,744 --> 00:56:24,680
Now, just start kissing.
There you go.
1208
00:56:24,748 --> 00:56:28,411
Now, take your hand
and move it to
the inside of her leg.
1209
00:56:29,052 --> 00:56:32,988
Yeah? It's a little
happy spot, just the top.
1210
00:56:35,525 --> 00:56:38,551
Lick and caress me.
How does that feel?
1211
00:56:38,628 --> 00:56:40,493
KRYSTA: Oh, my God.
ZACK: Don't fucking laugh.
That's not funny.
1212
00:56:40,563 --> 00:56:43,054
You like that?
You just gotta
stay with that for...
1213
00:56:43,133 --> 00:56:45,567
JACOB: I've seen enough.
Can we please
turn it off, now?
1214
00:56:45,635 --> 00:56:48,126
ZACK:
Wait. It gets worse.
1215
00:56:49,539 --> 00:56:53,839
Hi, my name
is not actually Becca.
My real name is Kelly.
1216
00:56:54,344 --> 00:56:56,175
Becca was a persona
that I created
1217
00:56:56,246 --> 00:56:57,941
for my graduate
thesis this year
1218
00:56:58,014 --> 00:56:59,242
on the simplicity of men.
1219
00:56:59,315 --> 00:57:01,783
I never returned
to the loft last night.
1220
00:57:02,252 --> 00:57:05,949
Matt was so desperate for sex
and had so little self-respect
1221
00:57:06,022 --> 00:57:10,254
that he waited for my return
for 162 minutes.
1222
00:57:10,727 --> 00:57:13,594
None of my other test subjects
waited for more than 50.
1223
00:57:13,663 --> 00:57:17,895
Iowa, Kansas,
Kentucky, Louisiana,
Maine, Maryland.
1224
00:57:17,967 --> 00:57:20,629
# Eleven, 12, 13 spots
1225
00:57:20,703 --> 00:57:23,570
# Thirteen spots
are on a big giraffe
1226
00:57:23,640 --> 00:57:25,904
# A baby giraffe,
a baby giraffe
1227
00:57:26,042 --> 00:57:28,306
# Let's count
the spots on the baby... #
1228
00:57:29,212 --> 00:57:31,373
If you would like any more
of this information,
1229
00:57:31,448 --> 00:57:34,906
you can find it at my website,
male-animal. Info.
1230
00:57:34,984 --> 00:57:38,920
That's male-animal. L- N-F-O.
Thanks very much.
1231
00:57:40,990 --> 00:57:46,326
And also, I borrowed that kid.
He's not really my kid.
Thank you.
1232
00:57:46,396 --> 00:57:47,886
ZACK:
How did we miss this?
1233
00:57:47,964 --> 00:57:49,261
KRYSTA:
He looks like an idiot.
1234
00:57:49,332 --> 00:57:51,129
Yeah, that's...
That's his own fault!
1235
00:57:51,201 --> 00:57:52,828
Is it his own fault?
Yeah, I didn't tell him
1236
00:57:52,902 --> 00:57:54,267
to eat out
a fucking tranny doll!
1237
00:57:54,337 --> 00:57:55,565
Yeah, well,
you told him...
1238
00:57:55,638 --> 00:57:57,435
He waited around
for 162 minutes.
1239
00:57:57,507 --> 00:57:58,838
What...
You told him!
1240
00:57:58,908 --> 00:58:00,603
Because he's a guy!
1241
00:58:00,677 --> 00:58:02,167
He doesn't know how
to deal with women.
His fault.
1242
00:58:02,245 --> 00:58:04,611
You told Matt to have sex
with a girl on the Internet.
1243
00:58:04,681 --> 00:58:05,909
Low on the
priority list right now.
1244
00:58:05,982 --> 00:58:07,142
You're appalled?
You're appalled?
1245
00:58:07,217 --> 00:58:08,548
I... I am
absolutely disgusted.
1246
00:58:08,618 --> 00:58:09,880
You have a camera
attached to you
1247
00:58:09,953 --> 00:58:11,682
at all times.
1248
00:58:11,754 --> 00:58:12,982
Yeah, man. This is true.
1249
00:58:13,056 --> 00:58:14,887
This is what
you are doing.
1250
00:58:14,958 --> 00:58:16,448
Jesus.
Where's the camera?
1251
00:58:16,526 --> 00:58:17,993
Right there.
1252
00:58:19,062 --> 00:58:20,723
MATT: No!
Oh, fuck!
1253
00:58:22,799 --> 00:58:24,323
I told you not
to show anybody!
1254
00:58:24,400 --> 00:58:26,334
Where did you come from?
1255
00:58:26,402 --> 00:58:30,338
Guys, stop it.
Fight like men!
My God!
1256
00:58:30,406 --> 00:58:33,500
ZACK: Matt, why the fuck
are you so mad?
1257
00:58:33,576 --> 00:58:34,804
MATT: Because you
ruined my life!
1258
00:58:34,878 --> 00:58:36,072
ZACK: No, I didn't!
1259
00:58:36,145 --> 00:58:38,409
You were just Rickrolled!
Calm down!
1260
00:58:38,481 --> 00:58:41,184
You're just Chocolate Rain!
This will pass!
1261
00:58:43,219 --> 00:58:46,620
Matty? Can we come in?
1262
00:58:46,689 --> 00:58:49,852
MOM:
Maybe he just needs
some time to sort things out.
1263
00:58:49,926 --> 00:58:52,986
ZACK: You can't let him
just sleep all day.
1264
00:58:53,062 --> 00:58:55,724
DAD: He won't show his
face over there anymore.
Can you blame him?
1265
00:58:55,798 --> 00:58:58,130
Good Lord,
what that girl did to him.
1266
00:58:58,201 --> 00:59:00,032
MOM: Well, you know,
the school year's almost over,
1267
00:59:00,103 --> 00:59:03,834
so maybe he can
just get his GED.
1268
00:59:09,612 --> 00:59:11,375
ZACK: Matt! Come on!
1269
00:59:11,447 --> 00:59:13,278
JUSTIN:
Matt, come in the pool, man.
1270
00:59:13,349 --> 00:59:14,373
No.
1271
00:59:26,329 --> 00:59:30,527
This is how you have sex.
You have to have your whole
body on the inside.
1272
00:59:30,967 --> 00:59:32,491
Matthew.
1273
00:59:32,569 --> 00:59:33,866
Stop it. Stop!
1274
00:59:34,671 --> 00:59:36,104
ZACK: Dude, what the fuck?
1275
00:59:37,707 --> 00:59:40,505
MAN:
Matt, you can fuck
the taste out of my mouth!
1276
00:59:43,112 --> 00:59:46,309
I'm a descendent of Cleopatra.
1277
00:59:46,816 --> 00:59:48,078
(GIRLS LAUGHING)
1278
00:59:54,123 --> 00:59:57,092
This video is
fucking bullshit,
1279
00:59:57,160 --> 01:00:00,095
that you fucking give men
a fucking bad name, Matt.
1280
01:00:00,163 --> 01:00:02,631
I don't care how big
of a fucking nerd Matt is.
1281
01:00:02,699 --> 01:00:05,133
Matt, you're a fucking nerd,
and you know it!
1282
01:00:05,201 --> 01:00:09,865
You're licking the fucking ass
of a fucking male...
What the fuck?
1283
01:00:10,206 --> 01:00:12,436
Do you want to
explain these dolls to me?
1284
01:00:12,575 --> 01:00:14,839
ZACK: Well...
Jesus Christ, Mom!
1285
01:00:17,880 --> 01:00:20,974
ZACK: Hey, Matt?
You know I'm sorry, right?
1286
01:00:24,621 --> 01:00:25,849
Dude, come on!
1287
01:00:25,922 --> 01:00:27,355
Dude, they're my muffins!
1288
01:00:27,423 --> 01:00:28,822
ZACK:
This isn't even my fault.
1289
01:00:28,925 --> 01:00:31,485
Maybe you should
stop feeling sorry
for yourself
1290
01:00:31,561 --> 01:00:34,496
and get off your ass
and do something.
1291
01:00:34,564 --> 01:00:36,657
That's easy for
you to say, man.
1292
01:00:36,733 --> 01:00:40,965
You don't have a dead mother
and a prick father.
1293
01:00:41,037 --> 01:00:44,473
You have two wonderful parents
who do whatever
you ask them to do.
1294
01:00:44,540 --> 01:00:45,802
They're your
parents, too!
1295
01:00:45,875 --> 01:00:50,335
They're not my parents.
They're just two people
who took pity on me
1296
01:00:50,413 --> 01:00:54,213
because their
own biological son
was such a fuckup
1297
01:00:54,283 --> 01:00:58,219
that he should
have been aborted
the second he was conceived.
1298
01:00:58,287 --> 01:01:00,812
You know what?
That's not nice.
1299
01:01:00,957 --> 01:01:03,517
So, fuck you,
and fuck your muffins.
1300
01:01:09,198 --> 01:01:10,358
1301
01:01:20,343 --> 01:01:21,640
ZACK:
Everyone say "suck it!"
1302
01:01:21,711 --> 01:01:23,178
Suck it!
Suck it!
1303
01:01:24,847 --> 01:01:26,781
ZACK:
What the fuck?
1304
01:01:28,351 --> 01:01:31,946
Wait, wait, come back.
We have to rap.
1305
01:01:33,823 --> 01:01:35,757
JACOB: Oh, fuck!
1306
01:01:35,825 --> 01:01:37,690
ZACK: Fuck-you cam!
1307
01:01:37,760 --> 01:01:39,853
Why do you always fucking
bring the camera around?
1308
01:01:39,929 --> 01:01:40,987
It's so fucking gay!
1309
01:01:41,064 --> 01:01:44,591
ZACK: Fuck-you cam!
Fuck-you cam!
1310
01:01:48,671 --> 01:01:50,605
ALL (CHANTING)
Go! Go! Go! Go! Go!
1311
01:01:50,740 --> 01:01:52,708
Go! Go! Go! Go! Go!
1312
01:01:58,347 --> 01:02:00,212
That's my hat.
When did you get my hat?
1313
01:02:00,283 --> 01:02:01,443
ZACK: It's a nice hat.
1314
01:02:01,517 --> 01:02:04,077
Yeah, you're fucking...
1315
01:02:04,153 --> 01:02:06,053
Matt can talk to me himself.
1316
01:02:06,122 --> 01:02:10,115
He's not going to.
He hasn't left his
room in two weeks.
1317
01:02:10,193 --> 01:02:13,651
Well, that's his fault.
I couldn't fix it.
1318
01:02:13,730 --> 01:02:15,960
You fucking
cheated on Matt.
1319
01:02:16,432 --> 01:02:21,460
I think he's so insecure
that his heart is so broken
1320
01:02:21,537 --> 01:02:25,871
that he's never gonna
be able to forgive me,
and it's never gonna work.
1321
01:02:28,344 --> 01:02:32,940
JUSTIN: So, Nicole,
why haven't you
and Matt had sex yet?
1322
01:02:33,015 --> 01:02:34,243
Ask him.
1323
01:02:34,383 --> 01:02:35,645
No, I'm gonna ask you.
1324
01:02:35,718 --> 01:02:37,982
It's okay. I...
You know, it's my fault.
1325
01:02:38,054 --> 01:02:41,512
I just want it all
to be perfect.
1326
01:02:41,591 --> 01:02:44,924
It's gonna be perfect.
I don't know why
you worry about it so much.
1327
01:02:45,728 --> 01:02:48,663
Can we just change
the subject, please?
1328
01:02:49,432 --> 01:02:50,456
(SIGHS)
1329
01:02:50,533 --> 01:02:52,160
JUSTIN: Yeah.
I just don't want
to complicate it,
1330
01:02:52,235 --> 01:02:54,328
you know?
1331
01:02:54,403 --> 01:02:55,461
Yeah.
1332
01:02:56,172 --> 01:02:58,106
JUSTIN:
Nicole, do you think Matt's
over-thinking this?
1333
01:02:58,174 --> 01:02:59,402
Yes. Absolutely.
1334
01:02:59,475 --> 01:03:00,635
JACOB: Yeah.
1335
01:03:00,710 --> 01:03:02,200
JUSTIN: You're just,
like, get it out of the way.
1336
01:03:02,278 --> 01:03:03,370
Yeah.
1337
01:03:03,446 --> 01:03:08,110
ZACK: Matt has fallen ill
with two acute
medical conditions.
1338
01:03:08,184 --> 01:03:14,054
Blue balls and a broken heart.
And my associate, Jacob, and I
1339
01:03:14,257 --> 01:03:16,487
have found a way to
cure this problem.
1340
01:03:16,559 --> 01:03:19,153
With all the bad shit
that Matt's been through,
1341
01:03:19,228 --> 01:03:23,665
this is the perfect way
to turn his frown upside down
and just get him fucked.
1342
01:03:23,733 --> 01:03:28,295
Yeah. I completely agree.
There we go.
There she is. Sunny Leone.
1343
01:03:29,939 --> 01:03:32,567
We spoke to Sunny,
we agreed on a price,
1344
01:03:32,642 --> 01:03:34,542
and now we just need
to raise the money.
1345
01:03:34,944 --> 01:03:37,845
The one thing is,
she's also very expensive.
1346
01:03:37,914 --> 01:03:39,404
We both really
want him to be happy,
1347
01:03:39,482 --> 01:03:41,347
and I think this is
one of the only ways,
1348
01:03:41,417 --> 01:03:43,442
if not the only way,
this is actually gonna happen,
1349
01:03:43,519 --> 01:03:46,352
so we have to get
the money together
1350
01:03:46,422 --> 01:03:49,220
to get this girl to
just fuck his brains out,
1351
01:03:49,292 --> 01:03:52,261
and hopefully he'll
just shit the stick
right out of his ass.
1352
01:03:52,328 --> 01:03:53,522
It'd be good for him.
1353
01:03:54,163 --> 01:03:56,131
ZACK: Not bad.
1354
01:03:56,632 --> 01:03:59,430
We need you all to
look as attractive
as you possibly can.
1355
01:03:59,502 --> 01:04:01,129
JUSTIN:
Which isn't very hard.
1356
01:04:01,404 --> 01:04:03,372
Car wash! Whoo!
1357
01:04:05,208 --> 01:04:06,800
Would you like
some chocolate?
1358
01:04:06,876 --> 01:04:08,104
We're raising money
for our friend Matt.
1359
01:04:08,177 --> 01:04:10,372
He's a virgin,
and we're trying to...
1360
01:04:10,513 --> 01:04:12,708
...hire his favorite
pornographic film star...
1361
01:04:12,782 --> 01:04:13,874
You know, Sunny Leone...
1362
01:04:14,016 --> 01:04:15,108
Do you know who
Sunny Leone is?
1363
01:04:15,184 --> 01:04:17,311
JUSTIN: To spend
some time with him,
if you know what I mean.
1364
01:04:17,386 --> 01:04:18,785
We want to get him laid.
1365
01:04:18,855 --> 01:04:21,187
ZACK: Happy Christmas!
1366
01:04:21,257 --> 01:04:23,987
A friend is losing his
virginity to a porn star,
1367
01:04:24,060 --> 01:04:26,722
and I'm hiring her,
so I need some money.
1368
01:04:27,396 --> 01:04:28,761
All right,
how much is a chocolate?
1369
01:04:28,831 --> 01:04:30,628
No, I'm not...
Let me see if
I got something.
1370
01:04:30,700 --> 01:04:32,531
ZACK: All right. That's
what I'm talking about.
Come on.
1371
01:04:32,602 --> 01:04:34,069
No, no, it's for the...
It's for the kid.
1372
01:04:34,136 --> 01:04:35,535
Don't!
1373
01:04:35,605 --> 01:04:36,663
Are you kidding me?
1374
01:04:36,739 --> 01:04:37,831
Twenty.
1375
01:04:40,042 --> 01:04:41,066
Five dollars.
1376
01:04:44,580 --> 01:04:46,013
Happy Christmas!
1377
01:04:49,852 --> 01:04:50,910
(EXCLAIMING)
1378
01:04:53,155 --> 01:04:54,179
(SCREAMING)
1379
01:04:54,390 --> 01:04:59,919
Have you ever lost
your virginities?
You want to meet my friend?
1380
01:05:01,130 --> 01:05:02,495
ZACK: We raised all the money.
1381
01:05:02,565 --> 01:05:05,830
Now the only problem
is getting Matt
out of the house.
1382
01:05:05,902 --> 01:05:07,460
JACOB: That's the goal.
JUSTIN: What's going on?
1383
01:05:07,536 --> 01:05:08,969
ZACK: Matt won't come
out of his room,
1384
01:05:09,038 --> 01:05:12,064
so we're about to get Jacob
some army clothes.
1385
01:05:12,141 --> 01:05:14,268
JUSTIN: You're actually
going to join the army?
1386
01:05:14,343 --> 01:05:15,469
Absolutely.
1387
01:05:15,544 --> 01:05:16,772
JUSTIN: Really?
1388
01:05:16,846 --> 01:05:18,711
No, no.
1389
01:05:18,781 --> 01:05:21,409
I'm just gonna give him
some initiative to
get out of the house
1390
01:05:21,484 --> 01:05:23,975
and do something,
so he can get his
life back together.
1391
01:05:24,053 --> 01:05:26,851
ZACK: If he doesn't
come out for that,
that's the straw, bro.
1392
01:05:26,923 --> 01:05:28,413
I think he'll do it.
JACOB: Yeah.
1393
01:05:28,958 --> 01:05:32,553
JACOB: Where are most
of the uniforms?
1394
01:05:32,628 --> 01:05:34,960
Fucker!
1395
01:05:35,031 --> 01:05:36,055
JUSTIN: Oh, hello!
I'm liking these.
1396
01:05:36,132 --> 01:05:37,121
ZACK: Exactly.
1397
01:05:37,199 --> 01:05:39,759
JUSTIN: Dude,
that's a boy scout uniform.
1398
01:05:40,636 --> 01:05:43,366
JUSTIN: Ooh! Hello!
ZACK: I like black.
1399
01:05:44,774 --> 01:05:46,173
# Working all night #
1400
01:05:46,242 --> 01:05:48,107
Perfect. Let's go.
JUSTIN: That's nice. Sexy.
1401
01:05:48,177 --> 01:05:49,337
Thanks, baby.
JUSTIN: I just want
to rape you
1402
01:05:49,412 --> 01:05:50,538
up the butt right now.
1403
01:05:50,613 --> 01:05:52,376
Put the sailor hat on.
Dingbat!
1404
01:05:52,448 --> 01:05:53,472
I'm here.
1405
01:05:53,849 --> 01:05:56,750
ZACK: Everybody ready?
All right, ladies.
Fuck that. Come on.
1406
01:05:56,819 --> 01:05:58,787
JACOB: This is very,
very important.
1407
01:05:58,854 --> 01:06:00,617
I can't believe
you joined the army.
1408
01:06:00,690 --> 01:06:02,920
Hey, buddy. I'm really
going to miss you, bro.
1409
01:06:02,992 --> 01:06:04,289
You know, if I don't
do it, who will?
1410
01:06:04,360 --> 01:06:06,920
Do I want to die?
No. Of course not.
1411
01:06:06,996 --> 01:06:08,987
Do I want to
kill somebody?
Fuck, yeah.
1412
01:06:09,065 --> 01:06:10,157
JUSTIN: Hook me up, Zack.
1413
01:06:10,232 --> 01:06:11,631
MATT: Dude, you know
where you're going yet?
1414
01:06:12,301 --> 01:06:15,031
Yeah,
I'm going all over the place.
I'm going all over the world.
1415
01:06:15,104 --> 01:06:18,904
I mean, fucking many places.
I'm doing a full 10, 12...
1416
01:06:18,975 --> 01:06:20,533
I'm gonna do
a 15-year tour.
1417
01:06:20,609 --> 01:06:22,668
After I ship out,
we might never
hang out again.
1418
01:06:22,745 --> 01:06:26,181
That's why
tonight we're gonna have
the best night of our lives.
1419
01:06:26,248 --> 01:06:27,579
JUSTIN: Fucking-A.
1420
01:06:27,650 --> 01:06:30,118
Yeah, let's make
a to... Okay.
1421
01:06:30,186 --> 01:06:31,175
Fuck toasts.
1422
01:06:31,253 --> 01:06:32,242
I'll pour another one,
I'll pour another one.
1423
01:06:32,321 --> 01:06:37,588
Freedom of the Iraqi people
that I will help bring,
'cause that's one of the...
1424
01:06:37,660 --> 01:06:39,355
Just cheers to it. Yeah!
Yeah!
1425
01:06:39,428 --> 01:06:40,725
Cheers!
ALL: Cheers!
1426
01:06:40,796 --> 01:06:43,165
Whoo! You sound like
a bunch of maniacs.
1427
01:06:49,071 --> 01:06:50,595
(HORN BLARING)
1428
01:07:15,664 --> 01:07:19,896
Hey, guys,
let's send this
fucker off to Iran, huh?
1429
01:07:20,002 --> 01:07:21,367
Let's do it.
Ready for
a good time, Matty?
1430
01:07:21,437 --> 01:07:22,495
Yes, absolutely.
1431
01:07:22,571 --> 01:07:23,902
Matty boy!
1432
01:07:23,973 --> 01:07:25,668
ZACK: All right.
We're on the VIP comp sheet.
1433
01:07:25,741 --> 01:07:26,833
I know.
1434
01:07:26,909 --> 01:07:28,206
Okay. Let's go.
1435
01:07:28,511 --> 01:07:29,637
(UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYING)
1436
01:07:44,627 --> 01:07:45,889
(AUDIENCE CLAPPING)
1437
01:07:45,961 --> 01:07:47,223
CROWD: Whoo-hoo!
1438
01:07:54,837 --> 01:07:56,600
ANNOUNCER: All right,
ladies and gentlemen,
1439
01:07:56,672 --> 01:07:58,731
this is what you've
been waiting for, boys.
1440
01:07:58,808 --> 01:08:00,969
Very special treat
for you on the stage
1441
01:08:01,043 --> 01:08:03,978
is triple-X superstar,
the Vivid contract girl.
1442
01:08:04,046 --> 01:08:05,843
You might have
seen her in such films
1443
01:08:05,948 --> 01:08:08,712
as Dark Side of Sunny,
It's Sunny in Brazil,
1444
01:08:08,784 --> 01:08:11,810
and Sunny & Cher.
Guys, coming up
here on the main stage.
1445
01:08:11,887 --> 01:08:14,014
Let's give a huge,
warm welcome
1446
01:08:14,090 --> 01:08:17,548
to the one and only
Miss Sunny Leone!
1447
01:08:18,594 --> 01:08:19,822
(CROWD CLAPPING)
1448
01:08:20,629 --> 01:08:21,823
1449
01:08:34,343 --> 01:08:36,334
BOUNCER:
Leave the camera off.
1450
01:08:36,479 --> 01:08:38,470
ZACK:
It's off. It's off. It's off.
1451
01:08:57,032 --> 01:08:58,556
ANNOUNCER:
Ladies and gentlemen,
we are looking
1452
01:08:58,634 --> 01:09:00,727
for that big
round of applause.
1453
01:09:00,803 --> 01:09:04,295
People, put those
hands together right now.
Better make some noise.
1454
01:09:04,373 --> 01:09:06,933
That is Sunny Leone herself,
stepping down
1455
01:09:07,009 --> 01:09:08,601
on to the main stage
for you there.
1456
01:09:08,677 --> 01:09:10,406
It doesn't get
any better than that.
1457
01:09:11,914 --> 01:09:13,074
(ZACK SPEAKING)
1458
01:09:13,149 --> 01:09:14,309
It's time to meet Sunny.
1459
01:09:14,617 --> 01:09:15,641
What?
1460
01:09:15,718 --> 01:09:17,151
JACOB: Let's go!
1461
01:09:17,720 --> 01:09:19,210
JACOB: Matt, we fucking
hooked you up.
1462
01:09:19,355 --> 01:09:20,879
JUSTIN:
Hooked you up.
1463
01:09:22,024 --> 01:09:23,753
MATT: I don't understand.
1464
01:09:24,793 --> 01:09:27,990
JACOB: Dude, we got...
We got you something that's,
like, fucking insane.
1465
01:09:28,063 --> 01:09:29,155
ZACK: I don't know
how to explain it.
1466
01:09:29,231 --> 01:09:30,289
JACOB: It's nothing
but good things.
1467
01:09:30,432 --> 01:09:31,524
ZACK: Hey. Um...
1468
01:09:31,600 --> 01:09:32,624
Does it mean...
1469
01:09:32,768 --> 01:09:33,792
No. Fuck it.
1470
01:09:38,240 --> 01:09:39,366
JUSTIN: Come on, dude.
1471
01:09:39,441 --> 01:09:40,533
ZACK: Just be yourself.
1472
01:09:40,609 --> 01:09:41,598
Hi.
1473
01:09:41,677 --> 01:09:44,646
How's it going, guys?
Hi, Matt.
1474
01:09:44,713 --> 01:09:46,112
It's really nice
to meet you.
1475
01:09:46,182 --> 01:09:47,547
It's nice to meet you.
1476
01:09:48,017 --> 01:09:52,886
ZACK:
Sunny, anytime I walk in
on Matt masturbating...
1477
01:09:54,223 --> 01:09:55,383
(LAUGHS)
1478
01:09:56,058 --> 01:09:57,082
Aw.
1479
01:09:57,159 --> 01:09:58,148
It's true.
1480
01:09:58,227 --> 01:09:59,251
It's nice.
I'm glad I can
help you out.
1481
01:09:59,328 --> 01:10:01,159
Thank you.
Did you guys
like the show?
1482
01:10:01,230 --> 01:10:02,857
Yes. Yes.
ZACK: It was amazing.
1483
01:10:02,932 --> 01:10:04,559
You were great.
Poignant.
1484
01:10:04,633 --> 01:10:06,328
JACOB: Could I have
one of these DVDs?
1485
01:10:06,402 --> 01:10:08,063
SUNNY:
Do you got $20, sailor?
1486
01:10:08,137 --> 01:10:09,161
No. I don't even
have any pockets.
1487
01:10:09,238 --> 01:10:10,569
Then you gotta
put it back down.
1488
01:10:10,639 --> 01:10:12,834
SUNNY: Well,
I'm going to get undressed
and re-dressed,
1489
01:10:12,908 --> 01:10:14,307
and I'll see you in
a couple of minutes.
1490
01:10:14,376 --> 01:10:15,707
All right. Okay.
1491
01:10:15,778 --> 01:10:17,405
You guys are awesome.
1492
01:10:17,546 --> 01:10:19,315
SUNNY:
Little cute boy.
1493
01:10:26,822 --> 01:10:31,225
Oh, my God.
This is, like, the
Millennium Falcon of buses.
1494
01:10:34,597 --> 01:10:36,497
What's up, guys?
Come on in.
Hey.
1495
01:10:38,834 --> 01:10:42,361
SUNNY: Hi. This is my
boyfriend, Dirty.
1496
01:10:42,438 --> 01:10:43,564
JUSTIN: Dirty.
JACOB: What's up?
Pleasure to meet you.
1497
01:10:43,639 --> 01:10:44,697
MATT: Hey, Dirty.
1498
01:10:45,207 --> 01:10:47,937
Heard about
your shitty situation
with your girl. Sucks.
1499
01:10:48,010 --> 01:10:49,375
Thanks, man.
1500
01:10:49,678 --> 01:10:52,909
I wrote you something.
I want to play it for you.
1501
01:10:52,982 --> 01:10:54,381
You know, give a listen.
1502
01:10:56,018 --> 01:10:57,280
# Oh, Matty
1503
01:10:59,221 --> 01:11:01,246
# Got fucked over by Nicole
1504
01:11:03,892 --> 01:11:06,053
# Oh, Matty
1505
01:11:06,128 --> 01:11:08,494
# Got fucked over by Nicole #
1506
01:11:12,034 --> 01:11:14,867
You like it? Yeah?
Work in progress, though.
1507
01:11:14,937 --> 01:11:16,336
I appreciate the song.
Yeah.
1508
01:11:16,405 --> 01:11:17,463
Thank you.
1509
01:11:17,539 --> 01:11:19,370
JUSTIN:
I like the chord
progressions.
1510
01:11:19,441 --> 01:11:23,172
SUNNY:
Do you guys want to know
how romantic Daniel is?
1511
01:11:23,245 --> 01:11:27,875
He sent me flowers
all across the country
just to win me over.
1512
01:11:27,950 --> 01:11:30,680
And this is before we banged,
just to let you know.
1513
01:11:30,753 --> 01:11:34,655
This is how men get women.
They're very romantic.
1514
01:11:34,723 --> 01:11:36,748
That's right,
be good to your girls.
1515
01:11:37,726 --> 01:11:42,493
You know,
when Zack first came to me
and told me what happened
1516
01:11:42,564 --> 01:11:44,555
and everything
that you went through,
1517
01:11:44,633 --> 01:11:47,363
I thought that, you know,
maybe we could do this,
1518
01:11:47,436 --> 01:11:50,064
but Daniel and I
talked it over,
1519
01:11:50,139 --> 01:11:52,699
and I can't do this.
I'm sorry.
1520
01:11:55,010 --> 01:11:56,238
You're really sweet, but...
1521
01:11:56,312 --> 01:11:57,506
It's just
not right, dude.
1522
01:11:57,579 --> 01:11:58,568
ZACK: Are you kidding?
1523
01:11:58,647 --> 01:12:00,205
Why? Is it...
1524
01:12:00,282 --> 01:12:02,443
When you have
sex with somebody
for the first time,
1525
01:12:02,518 --> 01:12:04,952
it should be with
somebody special
1526
01:12:05,020 --> 01:12:07,818
and someone that
you care about,
maybe in love with.
1527
01:12:07,890 --> 01:12:09,915
MATT: I love you.
DANIEL: Oh, boy.
1528
01:12:09,992 --> 01:12:11,584
You don't love me.
You don't know me.
1529
01:12:11,660 --> 01:12:15,960
MATT: I do. I've read
all of your interviews,
I've seen all of your movies.
1530
01:12:16,031 --> 01:12:19,023
You're smart and funny.
1531
01:12:19,101 --> 01:12:24,562
Making love to you tonight
would be a memory
I could cherish.
1532
01:12:24,807 --> 01:12:26,069
DANIEL: Kid, you're
embarrassing yourself.
1533
01:12:26,141 --> 01:12:30,134
ZACK:
Sunny, Matt has been
through so much shit.
1534
01:12:30,212 --> 01:12:32,009
I mean, terrible,
terrible shit.
1535
01:12:33,682 --> 01:12:37,118
You have to help him
fuck away the tears.
1536
01:12:37,186 --> 01:12:39,484
Zack, that's...
Not appropriate.
1537
01:12:39,555 --> 01:12:40,852
"Fuck away the tears"?
1538
01:12:40,923 --> 01:12:42,982
No matter how
much you have sex,
1539
01:12:43,058 --> 01:12:45,549
you can never
fuck away the tears.
1540
01:12:45,627 --> 01:12:47,595
Trust me, I know.
1541
01:12:49,898 --> 01:12:52,059
You're a really sweet kid,
1542
01:12:52,134 --> 01:12:55,262
but you shouldn't lose
your virginity like this.
1543
01:12:57,106 --> 01:12:58,300
If I...
1544
01:12:59,308 --> 01:13:04,143
If I can't do this,
do that,
you know, with you,
1545
01:13:04,213 --> 01:13:07,774
could I just spend,
like, five minutes
with you alone?
1546
01:13:07,850 --> 01:13:09,841
Just...
Only just five minutes.
1547
01:13:10,519 --> 01:13:11,645
We're not gonna
have sex.
1548
01:13:11,720 --> 01:13:13,153
Right.
1549
01:13:13,222 --> 01:13:14,211
We're just gonna talk.
1550
01:13:14,289 --> 01:13:15,381
Yes, I got that.
1551
01:13:15,457 --> 01:13:16,515
Okay.
Okay.
1552
01:13:20,095 --> 01:13:21,289
(CLEARS THROAT)
1553
01:13:25,200 --> 01:13:26,258
(KNOCKING ON DOOR)
1554
01:13:26,335 --> 01:13:28,895
DANIEL:
You all right in there, baby?
It's been five minutes.
1555
01:13:28,971 --> 01:13:30,836
SUNNY: Okay.
Everything's fine.
1556
01:13:32,040 --> 01:13:33,667
ZACK: What did they say?
1557
01:13:33,742 --> 01:13:35,300
They're good.
1558
01:13:38,580 --> 01:13:40,013
Can you move over, man?
1559
01:13:40,082 --> 01:13:41,447
Oh. Yeah. Sure.
1560
01:13:41,650 --> 01:13:44,312
I saw this shit on ESPN2,
where, like,
1561
01:13:44,386 --> 01:13:46,980
these little
Asian kids stack cups.
1562
01:13:49,358 --> 01:13:53,055
It's like...
They do, like, like,
crazy-ass shit.
1563
01:13:54,563 --> 01:13:55,860
MATT: Thanks again.
SUNNY: All right.
1564
01:13:55,931 --> 01:13:58,957
ZACK: Hey, what happened?
What happened?
1565
01:13:59,034 --> 01:14:00,524
Sorry, excuse me.
JACOB: What the fuck?
1566
01:14:00,602 --> 01:14:01,660
MATT:
Thank you very much, sir.
1567
01:14:01,737 --> 01:14:02,863
DANIEL:
Yeah, no problem.
MATT: I really appreciate it.
1568
01:14:02,938 --> 01:14:05,634
MATT: All right, guys,
let's get out of here.
Come on, let's go.
1569
01:14:05,707 --> 01:14:07,368
Okay. Fine. Whatever.
All right, guys.
1570
01:14:07,443 --> 01:14:09,343
Good luck to you.
MATT: Thanks again, everybody.
1571
01:14:09,411 --> 01:14:12,574
ZACK: Matt? Dude?
What happened? Matt.
1572
01:14:12,648 --> 01:14:15,640
After I talk with Nicole,
I promise,
everything will be...
1573
01:14:15,717 --> 01:14:17,582
ZACK:
What? What does Nicole
have to do about that?
1574
01:14:19,988 --> 01:14:21,250
ZACK: Uh, Matt?
MATT: Yeah.
1575
01:14:21,323 --> 01:14:24,690
Did you have sex
with Sunny Leone?
1576
01:14:24,760 --> 01:14:28,355
MATT: All right.
I sucked her tits.
1577
01:14:28,630 --> 01:14:31,428
ZACK: $2,500, and all you
did was suck her tits?
1578
01:14:31,500 --> 01:14:33,400
MATT: Can we just
please stay focused
on finding Nicole?
1579
01:14:34,236 --> 01:14:36,033
ZACK: Be aggressive.
1580
01:14:45,314 --> 01:14:47,111
JACOB:
What did he say, dude?
1581
01:14:47,182 --> 01:14:49,707
He said he was
going to take my glasses
and shove them up my rectum.
1582
01:14:49,785 --> 01:14:51,514
JACOB:
Yeah, I don't feel like
getting molested today.
1583
01:14:51,587 --> 01:14:53,179
Let's get
1584
01:14:53,255 --> 01:14:55,746
ZACK: Where you going?
What are you doing?
1585
01:14:55,824 --> 01:14:57,416
Hey, man...
Hey, what are you doing?
1586
01:14:57,493 --> 01:14:59,222
Go, go, go, go, go.
1587
01:15:14,243 --> 01:15:15,835
JACOB: Yeah, yeah.
That's what I thought.
All right.
1588
01:15:16,879 --> 01:15:18,676
Put that there.
1589
01:15:20,549 --> 01:15:21,607
ZACK: Fuck!
1590
01:15:50,212 --> 01:15:51,304
(SNEEZES)
1591
01:15:55,450 --> 01:15:56,508
(GRUNTS)
1592
01:16:04,393 --> 01:16:06,020
(WHISPERING)
Where is she?
1593
01:16:06,094 --> 01:16:08,722
ZACK:
Her keys aren't even here.
What the fuck, dude?
1594
01:16:08,797 --> 01:16:10,424
Did you even call her or...
1595
01:16:10,499 --> 01:16:13,024
Well, I wanted to
talk to her in person.
I said...
1596
01:16:13,101 --> 01:16:14,568
Yeah, but you...
I... I couldn't...
1597
01:16:14,636 --> 01:16:16,035
You never assume
someone's at their house.
1598
01:16:17,139 --> 01:16:19,369
JUSTIN:
Maybe she's in your room.
1599
01:16:21,743 --> 01:16:24,803
Holy shit! Fuck! Fuck!
1600
01:16:24,880 --> 01:16:26,780
JUSTIN: Oh, God. Oh, God.
1601
01:16:27,716 --> 01:16:28,774
I don't...
1602
01:16:28,850 --> 01:16:30,317
NICOLE'S DAD:
Open this door now!
1603
01:16:31,687 --> 01:16:32,813
1604
01:16:33,622 --> 01:16:35,385
NICOLE'S DAD:
I'm gonna call the police!
1605
01:16:35,457 --> 01:16:36,822
ZACK:
Hang on! I got it.
I got it.
1606
01:16:36,959 --> 01:16:38,358
That was my finger!
1607
01:16:39,895 --> 01:16:41,726
Open the door!
We gotta get
1608
01:16:44,833 --> 01:16:46,300
Fuck you, Justin.
JUSTIN: Out the window?
1609
01:16:46,368 --> 01:16:47,835
MATT: Will you be okay?
ZACK: Yeah, whatever.
1610
01:17:02,551 --> 01:17:03,916
Okay. Okay.
1611
01:17:12,127 --> 01:17:13,458
JACOB: Guys, run!
1612
01:17:13,528 --> 01:17:15,086
Look out!
There's a puppy.
1613
01:17:18,734 --> 01:17:20,065
Dude! Run, now!
1614
01:17:20,135 --> 01:17:21,937
We gotta go?
Yeah!
1615
01:17:22,170 --> 01:17:23,694
ZACK: Holy shit.
1616
01:17:23,772 --> 01:17:27,333
Hey, all of you, shut up.
Hey, cheese. What?
1617
01:17:28,510 --> 01:17:33,106
Where is it? Okay, bye.
She's going to a party.
1618
01:17:33,882 --> 01:17:37,318
MATT: Wait.
What kind of a party?
1619
01:17:37,986 --> 01:17:39,214
(ALTERNATIVE ROCK
MUSIC PLAYING)
1620
01:17:39,354 --> 01:17:40,582
(CHEERING)
1621
01:17:44,893 --> 01:17:46,417
(INDISTINCT)
1622
01:17:50,265 --> 01:17:53,393
Anybody seen
a girl named Nicole?
1623
01:17:53,669 --> 01:17:55,159
(INDISTINCT CHATTER)
1624
01:18:08,984 --> 01:18:10,815
Harry! Harry!
1625
01:18:11,420 --> 01:18:13,581
Hey, it's Zack.
1626
01:18:13,655 --> 01:18:17,455
You remember, uh,
my brother Matt?
1627
01:18:17,526 --> 01:18:20,359
You sucked my brother's
girlfriend's tits?
1628
01:18:22,397 --> 01:18:23,830
They're not letting
us into the party.
1629
01:18:23,899 --> 01:18:25,594
You must be Matt.
Is that right?
1630
01:18:25,667 --> 01:18:26,759
MATT: Yeah.
1631
01:18:26,835 --> 01:18:28,496
Yeah? What's up, buddy?
Nice to meet you.
1632
01:18:29,671 --> 01:18:31,400
Matt.
Yeah.
1633
01:18:33,341 --> 01:18:34,467
Hey, it's Jacob.
1634
01:18:34,543 --> 01:18:38,604
These four are good.
One, two, three, four.
No, no, no, no?
1635
01:18:39,481 --> 01:18:41,381
We have orders to
not let any guys in.
1636
01:18:41,483 --> 01:18:42,950
All you guys,
we're going in this way.
1637
01:18:43,018 --> 01:18:45,282
We're going down there.
Let's go.
1638
01:18:45,353 --> 01:18:46,980
Follow my voice.
1639
01:18:48,824 --> 01:18:49,984
Hello.
1640
01:18:50,592 --> 01:18:51,650
Awesome.
1641
01:18:51,993 --> 01:18:53,324
(ALTERNATIVE ROCK
MUSIC PLAYING)
1642
01:19:05,140 --> 01:19:06,129
MATT: Hey, Nicole?
1643
01:19:08,110 --> 01:19:09,941
Oh, my God! I'm sorry.
1644
01:19:10,011 --> 01:19:12,343
JACOB: What kind of
fucking frat house
do you run here?
1645
01:19:13,582 --> 01:19:14,742
Is that her right there?
1646
01:19:14,816 --> 01:19:15,874
MATT: Where?
1647
01:19:15,951 --> 01:19:18,852
Right there,
in the green.
1648
01:19:18,920 --> 01:19:20,444
The green talking
to the guy in the white?
1649
01:19:20,522 --> 01:19:21,546
MATT: It's not her.
1650
01:19:21,623 --> 01:19:23,056
HARRY: Nicole!
1651
01:19:26,027 --> 01:19:27,517
NICOLE: Matt!
MATT: Nicole.
1652
01:19:32,134 --> 01:19:34,125
What are you doing here?
1653
01:19:34,202 --> 01:19:37,330
I just went on a date with
Sunny Leone last night.
1654
01:19:38,607 --> 01:19:40,438
Congratulations?
1655
01:19:40,976 --> 01:19:42,136
Did you fuck her?
1656
01:19:42,210 --> 01:19:43,768
No, I didn't.
1657
01:19:43,845 --> 01:19:44,869
Okay.
1658
01:19:45,547 --> 01:19:46,639
Uh...
1659
01:19:49,584 --> 01:19:52,610
All I did with her
was suck her tits.
1660
01:19:52,888 --> 01:19:54,788
I don't care, Matt.
1661
01:19:54,856 --> 01:19:56,448
Don't you see?
1662
01:19:56,525 --> 01:19:59,517
I don't care about
you and Harry anymore,
1663
01:19:59,594 --> 01:20:03,587
'cause I had my own,
you know, uh, event.
1664
01:20:04,466 --> 01:20:06,195
Now we both fucked up,
1665
01:20:06,268 --> 01:20:08,327
but we all
fuck up sometimes.
1666
01:20:08,470 --> 01:20:10,165
That's really funny
because that's what
1667
01:20:10,238 --> 01:20:11,899
I said to you
way in the beginning.
1668
01:20:12,140 --> 01:20:15,576
Well, I hadn't fucked up then.
Now we both fucked up.
1669
01:20:15,944 --> 01:20:17,002
Tit for tit...
1670
01:20:17,078 --> 01:20:18,477
Tit for tat.
1671
01:20:18,647 --> 01:20:21,707
You didn't expect me
to come back, but I did.
1672
01:20:23,919 --> 01:20:27,218
I don't know.
I just thought it was
a really brilliant plan.
1673
01:20:27,522 --> 01:20:29,490
And it was.
1674
01:20:29,558 --> 01:20:31,287
I mean, you know...
1675
01:20:33,328 --> 01:20:35,762
We were
the wonder couple.
1676
01:20:35,831 --> 01:20:37,731
We were going
to be like...
1677
01:20:37,799 --> 01:20:40,029
Fantastic Four minus two.
1678
01:20:40,335 --> 01:20:42,496
Fantastic Two.
1679
01:20:45,106 --> 01:20:48,166
I just want to
get back together with you.
1680
01:21:17,672 --> 01:21:19,606
Matt, I know I said
I wouldn't film,
1681
01:21:19,674 --> 01:21:22,040
but you're gonna
thank me later,
1682
01:21:22,110 --> 01:21:23,634
'cause your dick looks huge.
1683
01:21:27,582 --> 01:21:28,674
Oh!
1684
01:21:29,584 --> 01:21:31,313
JUSTIN: Hi.
JACOB: You all right?
1685
01:21:34,022 --> 01:21:35,853
JUSTIN:
Where are we parked?
1686
01:21:35,924 --> 01:21:38,119
Matthew!
1687
01:21:38,193 --> 01:21:42,926
JACOB: Put it to your lips.
On your lips. Just inhale.
Take a deep breath and rip it.
1688
01:21:42,998 --> 01:21:44,397
Oh! Whoo!
1689
01:21:45,133 --> 01:21:47,158
JACOB:
Hold it. Hold it.
Release.
1690
01:21:47,235 --> 01:21:48,327
(COUGHING)
1691
01:21:49,638 --> 01:21:50,969
JUSTIN:
Welcome to the club, man.
1692
01:21:51,039 --> 01:21:52,768
Virginity...
I thank you, sirs.
1693
01:21:52,841 --> 01:21:54,069
JACOB: Completed.
Virginity lost.
1694
01:21:54,142 --> 01:21:55,268
I...
1695
01:21:55,343 --> 01:21:57,004
JACOB:
Virginity depleted.
1696
01:21:57,078 --> 01:21:58,568
I feel...
JACOB: Virginity...
1697
01:21:58,647 --> 01:21:59,807
Virginity done, son.
1698
01:21:59,881 --> 01:22:00,973
JUSTIN: Give us the details.
1699
01:22:01,049 --> 01:22:02,949
JACOB: Yeah.
So, what was it like?
1700
01:22:03,018 --> 01:22:04,576
These are the rules,
you know.
What are the details?
1701
01:22:04,653 --> 01:22:06,143
Oh. Come on.
1702
01:22:06,221 --> 01:22:11,989
Hey, respect his privacy.
He just got laid.
Give him some minutes.
1703
01:22:12,060 --> 01:22:13,186
Thank you.
1704
01:22:13,261 --> 01:22:15,889
ZACK:
You just need to promise me
you'll tell me one thing.
1705
01:22:15,964 --> 01:22:18,194
Just one thing,
that's all I want to know.
1706
01:22:18,266 --> 01:22:19,790
I'll try. I will.
1707
01:22:19,868 --> 01:22:22,860
Does she squirt?
1708
01:22:22,938 --> 01:22:26,169
Did she have a geyser?
'Cause she totally
looks like...
1709
01:22:26,241 --> 01:22:28,300
Her vagina was
like Old Yeller.
1710
01:22:28,376 --> 01:22:32,437
JACOB: No, not Old Yeller.
Old Yeller's a dog.
Yellow, you're thinking of...
1711
01:22:32,514 --> 01:22:34,106
Yellowstone Park.
Yeah.
1712
01:22:34,182 --> 01:22:35,206
Old Geyser.
1713
01:22:35,283 --> 01:22:36,272
JACOB: (LAUGHS)
No, not...
1714
01:22:36,351 --> 01:22:37,943
Old Yeller.
Old Yeller was the dog.
1715
01:22:38,019 --> 01:22:39,509
JUSTIN:
Old Yeller is the dog.
1716
01:22:39,587 --> 01:22:41,282
What's the name
of the geyser?
1717
01:22:41,356 --> 01:22:43,119
Old Geyser.
No.
1718
01:22:43,825 --> 01:22:45,019
JUSTIN: Old face...
1719
01:22:45,093 --> 01:22:46,321
Face/Off!
1720
01:22:47,963 --> 01:22:49,453
ZACK: Jacob, close it out!
1721
01:22:49,531 --> 01:22:50,623
Good man.
1722
01:22:50,699 --> 01:22:54,066
Here's,
here's a better question.
Did Matt pull out?
1723
01:22:54,135 --> 01:22:55,261
No.
JACOB: Hell no.
1724
01:22:55,337 --> 01:22:56,361
ZACK: Nicole.
1725
01:22:56,438 --> 01:22:57,666
Nicole's not here. Nicole!
1726
01:22:57,739 --> 01:22:58,967
JACOB: You didn't
really bring Nicole.
1727
01:22:59,040 --> 01:23:00,029
Guest of the hour.
1728
01:23:00,108 --> 01:23:01,097
That is so sweet.
1729
01:23:01,176 --> 01:23:02,768
MATT: Can Nicole take
her first hit, too?
1730
01:23:02,844 --> 01:23:04,505
ZACK: Nicole, will you
take your first hit?
Should I do this?
1731
01:23:04,579 --> 01:23:06,240
Yeah, come on.
Make love to you.
1732
01:23:06,314 --> 01:23:10,614
ZACK: First time fuckers.
Big rip. Big rip.
Big rip. Pull out.
1733
01:23:10,685 --> 01:23:11,845
(BUBBLING)
1734
01:23:12,320 --> 01:23:13,378
JUSTIN: Get in there.
1735
01:23:13,455 --> 01:23:16,947
All right.
You got it? Lock lips.
Like, air tight.
1736
01:23:17,192 --> 01:23:20,684
It's all about
the air tightness.
Right here.
1737
01:23:20,762 --> 01:23:23,322
Yeah!
1738
01:23:23,398 --> 01:23:24,763
We did it!
1739
01:23:24,833 --> 01:23:28,860
If I had to
impart any of my wisdom
from this experience,
1740
01:23:28,937 --> 01:23:31,064
I just want to say,
"Do it with somebody
that you love."
1741
01:23:31,940 --> 01:23:36,434
But when you do it,
do it hard and do it long.
And fast.
1742
01:23:37,012 --> 01:23:38,001
Ow!
1743
01:23:38,179 --> 01:23:40,306
(OH MY GOD PLAYING)
1744
01:24:35,603 --> 01:24:37,195
JACOB: Come on, get him!
1745
01:24:44,879 --> 01:24:49,145
My favorite thing
that I ever saw
on the Internet,
1746
01:24:49,217 --> 01:24:53,984
on the YouTube, was a horse
getting hit by a train.
1747
01:24:54,222 --> 01:24:55,689
ZACK: (LAUGHING) What?
1748
01:24:55,757 --> 01:24:57,725
JACOB:
Wow! You saw that?
1749
01:24:57,792 --> 01:25:01,728
Yeah. It was almost as good
as chimp-frogging,
1750
01:25:01,796 --> 01:25:07,666
where the monkey
was being given head
by the frog.
1751
01:25:07,735 --> 01:25:08,963
(ALL LAUGHING)
1752
01:25:12,740 --> 01:25:15,106
(SET IT UP PLAYING)
1753
01:27:51,399 --> 01:27:53,299
(KISS ME, KING ME PLAYING)
1754
01:29:12,880 --> 01:29:14,006
(DANIEL SINGING)
1755
01:29:14,082 --> 01:29:15,344
# Oh, Matty
1756
01:29:17,318 --> 01:29:19,445
# Got fucked over by Nicole
1757
01:29:21,956 --> 01:29:23,218
# Oh, Matty
1758
01:29:25,159 --> 01:29:27,650
# I thought
I'd give you Sunny's hole
1759
01:29:29,297 --> 01:29:31,288
# Oh, Matty #
1760
01:29:32,367 --> 01:29:33,698
DANIEL: You know,
I'm still writing it,
but you get the point.
1761
01:29:33,768 --> 01:29:34,792
(CLAPPING)
ZACK: Whoo!
1762
01:29:34,869 --> 01:29:36,302
JACOB:
Dirty, that was beautiful.
JUSTIN: So that's a verse?
1763
01:29:36,371 --> 01:29:37,599
SUNNY:
That was so romantic.

DD

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