ODD, FUNNY, AND NOT SO FUNNY FACTS ABOUT THE CATHOLIC CHURCH

This pamphlet has been prepared by the Sydney Atheists Meet-Up Group - http://atheists.meetup.com/524/ - July 2008

No sex please, we are Catholics

At the general audience in St Peter's Square on Wednesday, 28 July, 1982, Pope John Paul II began a new
phase of his catechesis on the theology of the body, drawing from St. Paul's Letter to the Ephesians to
begin a series of talks on matrimony. The Pope amazed Italy (and the world) by announcing that it is a sin
for man to “look with lust” at his wife. Pope John Paul attacked lust within marriage at his weekly general
audience, and provoked a storm of criticism in the Italian press. Under headlines like “The Sin of Looking”
and “Do Not Desire Your Wife”, the papers quoted the Pope’s remarks.

Suffering is good
“We suffer from ill-health, from pains, headaches, rheumatism, arthritis, from accidents, from enemies. We
may have financial difficulties. Some suffer for weeks in their homes, some in hospitals or nursing homes.
In a word, we are in a vale of tears. Almighty God could have saved us from all suffering, but He did not
do so because He knows in His infinite goodness that suffering is good for us.”
Father Paul O’Sullivan. http://www.catholic-pages.com/life/suffering.asp

War is good
“War has a supernatural end that the world is unaware of…In the end we will have to love it as the
religious should love his disciples.” Jose Maria Escriva De Balaguer, Opus Dei Founder.
http://www.escrivaworks.org/book/the_way-point-311.htm

Cruelty is good
“But if you do not give ear to me, and do not keep all these my laws. And if you go against my rules and if
you have hate in your souls for my decisions and you do not do all my orders, but go against my
agreement. This will I do to you: I will put fear in your hearts, even wasting disease and burning pain,
drying up the eyes and making the soul feeble, and you will get no profit from your seed, for your haters
will take it for food. And my face will be turned from you, and you will be broken before those who are
against you, and your haters will become your rulers, and you will go in flight when no man comes after
you. …And the pride of your strength will be broken, and I will make your heaven as iron and your earth
as brass. And your strength will be used up without profit; for your land will not give her increase and the
trees of the field will not give their fruit… I will let loose the beasts of the field among you, and they will
take away your children and send destruction on your cattle, so that your numbers will become small and
your roads become waste… And I will send a sword on you to give effect to the punishment of my
agreement; and when you come together into your towns I will send disease among you and you will be
given up into the hands of your haters. When I take away your bread of life, ten women will be cooking
bread in one oven, and your bread will be measured out by weight; you will have food but never enough…
Then you will take the flesh of your sons and the flesh of your daughters for food. “
Leviticus 26:14-29

Bestialism is good
“And Jacob fled into the country of Syria, and Israel served for a wife, and for a wife he kept sheep.”
Hosea 12:12

The youngest, the oldest, and the slowest Pope

The Guiness Book of Records tells us that the youngest Pope was Benedict IX who was only 11 or 12
when he became Pope in 1032. The oldest Pope, as claimed by the church, was elected when he was 103
years old in 678; however historians dispute it. The slowest election was that of Pope Gregory X in or
around 1210; when the cardinals could not come to a decision after 31 months, the Mayor hurried them up
by putting them on a diet of bread and water, and removing the roof of their conclave; that made them
decide in a hurry.
Die in peace, the Lord’s way
In Jeremiah 34:5 Zedekiah is told by the Lord that he will die in peace. However, according to Jeremiah
52:10-11 he died in the following manner: “And the king of Babylon slew the sons of Zedekiah before his
eyes; he slew also all the princes of Judah in Riblah. Then he put out the eyes of Zedekiah; and the king of
Babylon bound him in chains, and carried him to Babylon, and put him in prison till the day of his death.”

Giving an excuse for child abuse

"He who keeps back his rod is unkind to his son: the loving father gives punishment with care."
Proverbs 13:24

"Do not keep back training from the child: for even if you give him blows with the rod, it will not be death
to him. Give him blows with the rod, and keep his soul safe from the underworld."
Proverbs 23:13-14

God does not like disabled people

“And the Lord said to Moses, Say to Aaron, If a man of your family, in any generation, is damaged in
body, let him not come near to make the offering of the bread of his God. For any man whose body is
damaged may not come near: one who is blind, or has not the use of his legs, or one who has a broken nose
or any unnatural growth. Or a man with broken feet or hands. Or one whose back is bent, or one who is
unnaturally small, or one who has a damaged eye, or whose skin is diseased, or whose sex parts are
damaged. No man of the offspring of Aaron whose body is damaged in any way may come near to give the
fire offerings of the Lord: he is damaged, he may not come near to make the offerings. He may take of the
bread of God, the holy and the most holy. But he may not go inside the veil or come near the altar, because
he is damaged; and he may not make my holy places common; for I the Lord have made them holy.”
Leviticus 21:16-23

“No man whose private parts have been wounded or cut off may come into the meeting of the Lord's
people.”
Deuteronomy 23:1

God does not like unmarried couples (and their descendants)

“One whose father and mother are not married may not come into the meeting of the Lord's people, or any
of his family to the tenth generation.”
Deuteronomy 23:2

Using daughters as sex slaves is no big deal

“And they called unto Lot, and said unto him, Where are the men which came in to thee this night? Bring
them out unto us, that we may know them. And Lot went out at the door unto them, and shut the door after
him. And said, I pray you, brethren, do not so wickedly. Behold now, I have two daughters which have not
known man; let me, I pray you, bring them out unto you, and do ye to them as is good in your eyes: only
unto these men do nothing; for therefore came they under the shadow of my roof.”
Genesis 19:5-8

Jesus had a mild psychotic episode [distorted sense of objective reality by blaming an innocent tree]
“Now in the morning as he returned into the city, he hungered. And when he saw a fig tree in the way, he
came to it, and found nothing thereon, but leaves only, and said unto it, Let no fruit grow on thee
henceforward for ever. And presently the fig tree withered away. And when the disciples saw it, they
marvelled, saying, How soon is the fig tree withered away!”
Matthew 21:18-20
Accusing of heresy was very profitable
“Innocent IV in the bull Ad Exstirpanda conceded to the State a portion of the property to be confiscated
[from heretics]; and the State in return assumed the odium and burden of inflicting the penalty, even to
capital execution, if need were.”
http://www.ccel.org/ccel/schaff/encyc06/Page_2.html

“The burning of heretics was first decreed in the eleventh century. The Synod of Verona (1184) imposed
on bishops the duty to search out the heretics in their dioceses and to hand them over to the secular power.
Everyone was bound to denounce heretics, the names of the witnesses were kept secret. After 1243, when
Innocent IV sanctioned the laws of Emperor Frederick II and of Louis IX against heretics, torture was
applied in trials; the guilty persons were delivered up to the civil authorities and actually burnt at the
stake.”
http://www.ewtn.com/library/HOMELIBR/CEHERESY.TXT

Regulations of the Synod of Toulouse (1229) concerning the Inquisition:

“Bishops must bind under oath when necessary in each parish, within and outside a city, a priest and two or
more lay people of good reputation to diligently, faithfully, and often search out heretics in their parishes,
individual suspicious houses, subterranean rooms and additions to houses, and other hiding places. If they
discover a heretic, follower, patron, or protector of heretics, they must, taking precaution that they do not
escape, quickly notify the bishop and mayor of the place or his bailiff so they will be duly punished. The
governors of the respective districts should order diligent search of country residences, houses, and forests
for heretics and destroy their hiding places. Whoever, allowing a heretic to stay on his property either for
money or any other cause, if he confesses or is convicted, loses his property forever and his body is handed
over to the civil authority for punishment. He also is subject to legal punishment whose property, although
without his knowledge but by negligence, has become an abode of heretics. The house where a heretic is
found must be torn down and the property must be confiscated.”
http://www.scrollpublishing.com/store/Aquinas-Heretics.html

“The confiscation of the property of convicted heretics had already been introduced by the medieval
Inquisition. In 1199 Pope Innocent III issued the Bull Vergentis in Senium, which for the first time
identified heresy with the offense of treason in Roman Law, to incur the same punishments. This meant
that, just as persons guilty of treason suffered confiscation of all their property, so also were the goods of
heretics liable to confiscation. In 1252, Pope Innocent IV decreed that the property of heretics should be
divided between the secular authority, the officials of the Inquisition, and the Bishop. It later became the
established norm to divide the property into three parts: a third went to the secular authority, a third to the
Inquisition, and a third to the Pope.”
“The Former Jews of this Kingdom”, 2003, p. 163, by Nadia Zeldes - PhD in Jewish History - Tel Aviv University

Poo-poo is yummy
“And let your food be barley cakes, cooking it before their eyes with the waste which comes out of a man.”
Ezekiel 4:12

And God invented make-up

“Behold, I will corrupt your seed, and spread dung upon your faces, even the dung of your solemn feasts;
and one shall take you away with it.”
Malachi 2:3

Poo-poo and wee-wee are yummy

“But Rabshakeh said unto them, hath my master sent me to thy master, and to thee, to speak these words?
Hath he not sent me to the men which sit on the wall, that they may eat their own dung, and drink their
own piss with you?”
2 Kings 18:27
No Catholic compassion for drug users
“Last August it was reported that the Sisters of Charity Health Service was to establish a drug injecting
facility at King's Cross, Sydney. At the time the Catholic Weekly quoted the spokesman for the
Archdiocese, Fr Brian Lucas, as saying this move was "not inconsistent with Catholic moral teaching."
However, the proposal was also strongly criticised from a number of quarters as against Catholic teaching,
in co-operating with moral evil, and Cardinal Clancy subsequently referred the matter to Rome for a
ruling.” [The Vatican ruling was against the involvement of any Roman Catholic order with this project]
http://www.ad2000.com.au/articles/1999/decjan1999p4_273.html

Vatican 1962 secret instructions on how to deal with pedophile priests

“(CBS) For decades, priests in this country abused children in parish after parish while their superiors
covered it all up. Now it turns out the orders for this cover up were written in Rome at the highest levels of
the Vatican. CBS News Correspondent Vince Gonzales has uncovered a church document kept secret for
40 years. The confidential Vatican document, obtained by CBS News, lays out a church policy that calls
for absolute secrecy when it comes to sexual abuse by priests - anyone who speaks out could be thrown out
of the church. The policy was written in 1962 by Cardinal Alfredo Ottaviani. The document, once "stored
in the secret archives" of the Vatican, focuses on crimes initiated as part of the confessional relationship
and what it calls the "worst crime": sexual assault committed by a priest" or "attempted by him with youths
of either sex or with brute animals."”
http://www.cbsnews.com/stories/2003/08/06/eveningnews/main566978.shtml

In 2001 Cardinal Ratzinger (now Pope Benedict XVI) states that 1962 instructions are still in force
“Lawyers point to a letter the Vatican sent to bishops in May 2001 clearly stating the 1962 instruction was
in force until then. The letter is signed by Cardinal Ratzinger, the most powerful man in Rome beside the
Pope and who heads the Congregation for the Doctrine of the Faith, which ran the Inquisition in the Middle
Ages.”
http://www.guardian.co.uk/world/2003/aug/17/religion.childprotection

Pedophile priests in Australia

“106 pedophile Catholic priests and brothers have been sentenced in Australian court cases in which
Broken Rites had an involvement or an interest.” - Last updated 22 May 2008.
http://brokenrites.alphalink.com.au/nletter/index.html

Major Settlements and monetary awards in civil suits in the United States
“Total settlements and awards from 1950-present would appear to be over US$3 billion, not including
treatment costs and legal fees….Our table shows payouts to 3,514 survivors, only about 27% of the over
13,000 survivors who the bishops say have come forward….The total number of victims maybe 100,000.”
http://www.bishop-accountability.org/settlements/

The Catholic Church on the use of condoms for health reasons

“Should the Catholic Church condone the use of condoms within a marriage, for health reasons, when one
partner is infected with the HIV virus? Influential bishops, including Cardinal Carlo Maria Martini, the
former archbishop of Milan, have spoken up on the issue, calling for policy change. Martini—though he
hasn't disagreed with Pope John Paul's assessment that the use of condoms as contraception is "intrinsically
evil"—nonetheless asserted that, in this very specific instance, they are the "lesser evil" when used to
prevent the transmission of HIV. This issue is of particular importance in Africa and Latin America where
HIV is rampant. Experts say Catholic missionaries and aid-workers in Africa have long been bending
Vatican policy in practice, in some cases unofficially distributing condoms to HIV patients. As
Catholicism wields a great deal of influence in the developing world, some argue that an official Vatican
pronouncement condoning condom use within a marriage could make an important difference in the effort
to stem the spread of AIDS.”
Extracts from “Pope Benedict’s First Twelve Months”, by Lee Hudson Teslik, published in “Council on Foreign
Relations” magazine on May 4, 2006.
 QUOTES ON RELIGION

Arthur Schopenhauer (philosopher, 1788-1860)

“Perhaps the time is approaching which has so often been prophesied when religion will take her departure
from … humanity, like a nurse which the child has outgrown. …For there is no doubt that religious
doctrines which are founded merely on authority, miracles, and revelations are only suited to the childhood
of humanity.”

Bertrand Russell (philosopher, mathematician, Literature Nobel Prize winner, 1872-1970)

“My own view on religion is that of Lucretius. I regard it as a disease born of fear and as a source of untold
misery to the human race. I cannot, however, deny that it has made some contributions to civilization. It
helped in early days to fix the calendar, and it caused Egyptian priests to chronicle eclipses with such care
that in time they became able to predict them. These two services I am prepared to acknowledge, but I do
not know of any others.”

Oscar Wilde (playwright, novelist, poet, 1854-1900)

“Disobedience is man's original virtue. It is through disobedience that progress has been made, through
disobedience and through rebellion.”

Abraham Lincoln (lawyer, 16th President of the United States, 1809-1865)

“When I do good, I feel good; when I do bad, I feel bad. That's my religion.”

Benjamin Franklin (scientist, inventor, politician, diplomat, 1706-1790)

“Lighthouses are more helpful than churches.”

Galileo Galilei (mathematician, physicist, astronomer, 1564-1642)

“I do not feel obligated to believe that the same God who has endowed us with sense, reasons, and intellect
has intended us to forgo their use.”

His Holiness the Dalai Lama (spiritual leader of Buddhism, born 1935)
“Whether you believe in God or not does not matter so much, whether you believe in Buddha or not does
not matter so much. You must lead a good life.”

Bill Cosby (comedian, born 1937)

“For two people in a marriage to live together day after day is unquestionably the one miracle the Vatican
has overlooked.”

George Burns (comedian, 1896-1996)

“The secret of a good sermon is to have a good beginning and a good ending, then having the two as
close together as possible.”
Do you want to avoid AIDS? Abstain from sex says the Catholic Church

Photo: In Africa, billboards urging condom use have been replaced by posters urging youth to delay their
sexual debut until they marry.

The man just chosen to head South Africa’s leading political party, Jacob Zuma, had rape charges
dismissed last year. But he did admit having unprotected sex with the woman involved, though he knew
she had HIV. According to Zuma, the woman indicated “she wanted sex” by wearing a skirt and he
protected himself by showering. The incident reflects the difficulty of controlling the disease in sub-
Saharan Africa, where sexual violence runs rampant, and multiple partners are the norm. It also indicates
the all-too-common unscientific views held in the region about the spread of HIV/AIDS.
For years, health groups tried to educate people throughout sub-Saharan Africa about the role of condoms
for protection. Now, a controversial U.S. debate over prevention methods has spilled into Africa, pitting
social conservatives who seek to promote abstinence against many health experts who say condoms
combined with education is best. In 2003, the U.S. President’s Emergency Plan for AIDS Relief (PEPFAR)
pledged $15 billion over five years focusing on fifteen nations, most of them in Africa. The money comes
with conditions: A third of funds must go to abstinence and monogamy education; promotion of condom
use is restricted to “high-risk” adults; and the groups receiving funding must vow to end prostitution. With
the program up for renewal by Congress in 2008, a number of health advocates hope to remove these
restrictions.
However, a 2007 report published by the U.S. National Academies of Sciences says a lack of information
makes it difficult to evaluate the efficacy of the abstinence programs. Also, for some women in the
developing world, abstinence is not up to them. Some turn to sex for survival, and others are coerced into
sex or raped, even in marriage, reports U.S.-based government watchdog the Center for Public Integrity. In
attempts to debunk abstinence-until-marriage arguments, some critics point to statistics that show
infections rising in married women, sometimes at a greater rate than infections of sexually active single
women. Laurie Garrett, a global health expert, said designing foreign policy “to stamp out sexual activity
among consenting adults is a fool’s errand.”

1
Extracts from “The Challenge of Preventing AIDS”, by Tony Johnson, published in “Council on Foreign Relations”
magazine, on December 28, 2007.
Time to Grow Up: “Abstinence only” education does not slow the spread of AIDS
Sep 20th 2007
From “The Economist” print edition

THERE can be no surer way of averting a sexually transmitted infection such as AIDS than avoiding sex.
That much is obvious. And it is also convenient for religious lobbyists who believe that premarital sex is a
sin. But is it realistic? Those lobbyists argue that a popular alternative—known in the jargon as
“abstinence-plus”—which recommends chastity but also explains how to use condoms, is likely to make
things worse by encouraging earlier intercourse. “Abstinence-only” teaching, they reckon, should be more
effective. That, of course, is a possibility. But it is a testable possibility. And Kristen Underhill and her
colleagues at the University of Oxford have, over the past few months, been testing it. Their conclusion is
that it is wrong. Abstinence-only does not work. Abstinence-plus probably does.
Last month Dr Underhill published a review of 13 trials involving 16,000 young people in America. The
trials compared the sexual behaviour of those given an abstinence-only education with that of those who
were provided with no information at all or with whatever their schools normally taught. Pregnancies were
as numerous in both groups. Sexually transmitted diseases were as widespread. The number of sexual
partners was equally high and unprotected sex just as common. Having thus discredited abstinence-only
teaching, Dr Underhill and her colleagues decided to evaluate the slightly more complicated message of
“abstinence-plus” using 39 trials that involved 38,000-odd young people from the United States, Canada
and the Bahamas. Their results are published in the current issue of Public Library of Science Medicine.
This tuition—compared, as before, with whatever biology classes and playgrounds provide—reduced the
number of pregnancies in three out of seven trials (the remaining four recorded no difference). Four out of
13 trials found that abstinence-plus-educated teenagers had fewer sexual partners, while the remainder
showed no change. Fourteen studies reported that it increased condom use; 12 others reported no
difference. Furthermore, in the vast majority of cases, abstinence-plus participants knew more about AIDS
and HIV (the virus that causes the disease) than their peers did. And the tuition often reduced the frequency
of anal sex (which brings a greater chance of passing on HIV than the vaginal option). In contrast to the
fears of the protagonists of abstinence-only education, not one of the trials found that teenagers behaved in
a riskier fashion in either the long or the short term after receiving abstinence-plus instruction.
Unfortunately (and surprisingly) only two of the studies addressed the question of disease transmission
directly, and the numbers involved were too small to find a statistically significant difference between
groups. Nevertheless, Dr Underhill's pair of reviews should make informative reading for policymakers.
America's government earmarks money for abstinence-only teaching, which is matched by individual
states. It should review that policy—which is clearly no better than the alternatives, and is probably worse.
Its generosity to needy foreigners is similarly prescriptive. Of the $15 billion promised over five years by
PEPFAR (President’s Emergency Plan for AIDS Relief), President George Bush's personal anti-AIDS
initiative, $1 billion is reserved for groups that intend to fight AIDS without mentioning condoms. Though
Dr Underhill's results apply only to North America, they do suggest a need to investigate what happens
elsewhere, in case PEPFAR's policy, too, needs to be reviewed.
 Catholic Church Apologies
The Catholic Church on its past support for slavery
• August 9, 1993: Pope John Paul II apologizes for Catholic involvement with the African slave trade.
• March 12, 2000: Pope John Paul II asks forgiveness for the sins of Catholics throughout the ages.
During a public Mass of Pardon, the Pope says that "Christians...have violated the rights of ethnic
groups and peoples, and shown contempt for their cultures and religious traditions..."

The Catholic Church on its unfair treatment of women

• March 1995: The Jesuits general congregation apologizes for abetting "male domination" and pledged
"solidarity with women."
• July 10, 1995: In an open letter addressed to "every woman", Pope John Paul II apologizes for the
Church’s stance against women’s rights and for the historical denigration of women.

The Catholic Church on its involvement with the Holocaust

• September 30, 1997: The French Roman Catholic Church apologizes for its role during the Holocaust
and its silence during the 1940 Vichy regime.
• March 16, 1998: The Vatican apologizes for its silence and inaction during the Holocaust.
• September 8, 1999: New York Archbishop John O’Connor writes to his Jewish friends: "I ask this
Yom Kippur that you understand my own abject sorrow for any member of the Catholic Church, high
or low, including myself, who may have harmed you or your forbears in any way."
• May 28, 2001: The Roman Catholic Church of Poland apologizes for complicity in the killing of 1,600
Jews in Jedwabne during World War II.

The Catholic Church on its involvement with pedophile priests

• April 15, 2000: Bishop John S. Cummins and other leaders of the Diocese of Oakland publicly
apologize to victims of clergy sexual abuse.
• September 5, 2000: Canada’s Anglican, Roman Catholic, Presbyterian, and United churches apologize
to Eskimos and Indians for decades of abuse by white church officials.
• November 22, 2001: Pope John Paul II issues an apology for sex abuse by priests.
• January 9, 2002: Boston Cardinal Bernard Law offers a public apology "with heartfelt sorrow" to
people abused by priests as children.
• March 29, 2002: As part of a settlement of a lawsuit brought by 23 former altar boys who were
molested by a priest, Oregon Archbishop John Vlazny issues a public apology to victims of sexual
abuse.
• April 24, 2002: Pope John Paul II apologizes to victims of sexual abuse by priests.
• June 23, 2002: Los Angeles Cardinal Roger Mahony apologizes to church members for sexual abuses
by priests and asks for forgiveness.
• October 8, 2002: Dublin Archbishop Cardinal Desmond Connell apologizes to people who were
sexually abused as children by Church officials.
• December 14, 2002: Boston archbishop Cardinal Bernard Law resigns, apologizes, and begs
forgiveness for his mishandling of priests implicated in the Catholic Church sexual abuse scandal.

Extracts from: “Political Apologies, A Chronological List”

By Graham G. Dodds, Ph.D. Candidate - Political Science Department - University of Pennsylvania - Philadelphia
Last updated: January 23, 2003
http://reserve.mg2.org/apologies.htm