Childhood Masturbation, Clinical Tone, Moderately Revised

In-Group Writing Exercise: Write about when you first started masturbating but with a clinical tone of
voice.

The blanket is soft to the touch. The fibers are synthetic. The rolls of the blanket, with the light from
the television in the dark room, created areas of light and areas of shadow.

The rest of the members of the household, which included members of my immediate family and my
maternal grandmother, were asleep at this time of night. I then crept out of my bedroom with feelings
of mischief and desire. This became a routine. I brought with me the blanket, with which I would
shroud myself upon a bean bag chair, low in front of the television. The channel was turned to the
channel designation of 17, the local county’s cable provider’s designation for Cinemax, a premium,
non-broadcast cable channel, which, during the late night, aired adult-themed movies.

I sat upon the bean bag chair, my position reclined. I situated myself close to the television in order to
require only a low volume setting on the television. I also situated myself such that the bend of my
knees and the blanket atop them could obscure the view of my right arm and hand. My gaze at the
television was lit by the flickering blue of the television set, like the color of light from a distant
florescent bulb, and flickered with the scenes of the movie – from the actresses’ seduction by the actors
in the film, as she confessed her desire and feelings for copulation and sexual conquer to the actor, who
was at first uncertain and then eventually confident in what was a reciprocal predation and successful
conquest of her sexual availability until they were heaving their bodies in sexual fervor.

The need to hide my right hand is necessary, as my right hand, too, heaved in sexual fervor, thrusting
and thrusting its fingers around and in back-and-forth motion on my erect penis. This continued, with
the concern and caution of being discovered, “caught” by a family member during this activity, slowly
became less present in importance to me but still always remained present on some level of
consciousness, until, I too, had burst in release. I had successfully aimed the ejaculate laterally and
horizontally towards my neck but, just as I had also arched my back at the time of climax, I arced the
aim of my ejaculate further into my torso, so as not to wet the and mess the blanket covering my body,
which remained safely obscuring any view of my body – my skin, wetted with ejaculate; my right arm
rested at my right side, crooked at the elbow; the moist, sticky fingers and thumb of my right hand
wrapped around my increasingly flaccid, spent penis; and my upper torso, heaving in heavy breaths to
regain my respiratory composure. The blanket remain draped over the height of knees, bent, to the tuck
of the blanket under my neck , and successfully obscured any view of my body in its solitary carnal
movements, and its later composure.

The episode of masturbation is concluded with feelings of sexual gratification, continued feelings of
excitement, and feelings of guilt, which seem to often accompany adolescent masturbation.

I returned, with the blanket used to shroud and cover my body and carnal activity, to my bedroom –
after four more episodes of masturbation before the movie’s conclusion – with feelings of sexual
gratification, continued feelings of excitement, and feelings of guilt.

And mischief…