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OW IN LONDON
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T!
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EBER VISITS

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pect from Meatro.
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us online at meatronews.ca WESTERN
(page 9)
(pag

WESTERN
Friday, April 1, 2011
meatronews.ca

News worth spoofing.

Stu
Student
uden
nt con
connects
nnec
cts UC
UCC
delays
Inside

CC renovation
elays continue
de e

t camp
to c
campus
pus WiFi
W i for
or another 30
fo
years
ye
ears
Miraculou
Miraculous
us connection made e after 74,000 attempts
attem
mpts Over the past
p
Stephen Lecce Jr. brings
decade, Western
We
esstern techs have struggled
strruggled to keep campus
caampus WiFi unusable
unusab
ble news
ws from the future {page 2}}
new
History was made at W
History Weldon
eldon
e Libr
Library
ary late home to t get cians could find.
Sunday
S unday d ev evening
ening
i whenh W Western
e
ester
t n student
t d t high,”
hi
high,
h” G Gardner
ardner
d ““Our
Our ttechnicians
h i i have
h
hav ebbeen working
een wor ki ti
king tire-
tire-
Matt
M att G
Gardner
ardner became the first person ev ever
er said. ““Man
Man — lessly to make this system substandard
m as substandar d
to actually connect to W Western’s
ester
e wireless
n’s wir eless dreams
dr eams can and unusable as possible
possible,”
e,” D
Daniel
aniel T Travis,
ravis, Worst
W orst
o
internet
inter net networ
network.
rk. come tr true.”
u .”
ue associate dirdirector
ector for W Western’s
e
estern’s IInforma-
nforma-
The connection wa wasas rreached
eached at 11:04 part
As par rt of a tion T echnology
e
Technology Services, said. ““At
Services, At W estern
e
Western fears
fea
ars
p.m.
p .m. EST on W Weldon’s
eldon
e
was met with rresounding
esound
n’s four
fourth
th floor and
ding applause and a
new initiative
to limi
in
nitiative
limitit any
w
we e pr
most unr
ide ourselv
pride es on hav
ourselves
eliable wir
unreliable eless in
wireless
ving the slo
having
nternet ser
internet
owest,
slowest,
vice at
service realized
realized
Matt Gardner
champagne toast. semblance a rresearch
esearch based institutio on in O
institution ntario.”
Ontario.”
““II don
don’t know
’t kno how
w ho describe
ow to descr ibe this feeling of prproductiv-
od
ductiv- After a br ief check of his
brief h F acebook to
Facebook WebCT
— I nev never
er thought it wa
was
as possible
possible,”,” an o
over-
ver- ccampus,, W
ity on campus Western
e administration
estern administr atiion make sur e his ex-girlfr
sure iennd hadn
ex-girlfriend hadn’t’t posted beco
becomes
omes self-
whelmed G Gardner
ardner saidd after connecting to bogged their wir wireless
eless networ
network k do
down
own
w rre- e- any new pictur es with th
pictures at new guy she
that ’s
she’s aware
awaare
the wir wireless network
eless networ ko on
n what he estimated cently b by downloading
y downloading mass quantities of seeing G
seeing, ardner opened W
Gardner e
ebCT to look at a
WebCT {page
{pag
ge5}
ge 5}
was his 74,000th tr try.
y. illegal DDanish torrents,
anish torr actively
ents, activ searching
ely searchiing course syllabus
syllabus,, which ult timately cr
ultimately ashed
crashed
““Usually
Usually I just come library,
e to the libr ary, click for MMiley
iley yCCyrus
yr
y us sex tapes and clicking on his br owser.
browser.
rrefresh
efresh a couple millio
million
on times and then go every
ev popup
ery po opup and phishing scam techn techni-ni- CANADIAN PRESS

Ha
Hashtag:
ashtag: first
In Line w
world problems
problemms
Researchers discover
Western
Wes
stern students suffer first
wor
rld turmoil {page 4}
world

Police were baffled after they found around 100 Western students dead from exploding
bladders outside The Ceeps early Sunday morning.

Hundredss die An estima

estimated
ated 100 students were found
popular student
s
d dead early Sunday mo
morning
bar The Ceeps. Police say the students were in
rning outside
o
inexplicably
expliccably Hu
Hundreds
undreds dead
standing outside the popular bar for hohours
ours on end despite thi
thirst,
rst, hun
hunger
nger and a
from exploding
explloding worsening
worsenin g bladder situation. Charles Reeves,
R spokesperson fo
forr Lond
Londonon Police,
after
aft
ter Leafs make
bladders in line said polic
police
ce were still trying to determin
determine
ne why the students prefe
preferred
rred to stand playoff
pla
ayoff berth
there unt
until
til dead instead of leaving for a nearby bar or restaur
restaurant.
ant. {page 10}
 meatronews.ca
2
news:london
western
westerngazette.ca
news: FRIDAY,
FRIDAY, APRIL
APRIL 1, 2011
1, 2011

News
New
ws from the futu
future
ure
Poll

UCC
UC
CC ren
renovation
novattion 72 p
per ce

doesn
cent
ent of
campus still
't get
doesn't g

delayed
de
elayed
d unti
until
il 204
2043
43 MIT
According to a recrecent
cent Ipsos-
Reid poll asking Western
students if they “g
W
“get”
get” the
New co
completion
ompletion date July
Jully 2043 Stephen
Steph
hen Lecce Jr. says media, informatio
information on and
technoculture proprogram,
ogram,
contract
contractor
or reached minor conflict
c over type of
o paint used 72 per cent of cam
doesn’t understan
campus
understand
the program is. Tw
mpus still
nd what
Twenty
wenty per
news
cent replied “what
“what’st’s MIT?”
while the final eig
eightht per
cent responded withw a flash
mob.
“That’s simply an n expres
expres--
sion of the simulat
simulation
tion in
panopticonic cons
consumerist
sumerist
media ethics,” ram
rambled
mbled
resident
id t MIT advo
advocate
d ocate t andd
professor Dan Miln
Milne.
ne. “Your
ideological hegem
hegemonic
monic gaze Why should you
y choose
is beyond Marxist
Marxist.” .” Meatro over other local
newspapers?
newspaapers?
Despite the poll and the
program’s refusal to teach

1
practical, marketa
marketable
able skills, onts: We
Chunky fonts:
fo
have coole er fonts
cooler
Milne confirmed MIT M would than the other
o
continue to produce
produ uce future guys. Thiss makes a
more attra
attractive
active and
cake decorators, sstay-at-
tay-at- intelligent-looking
intelligent t-looking
home parents and d Kelsey’s newspaper.
newspape er.

employees for gengenerations

nerations

2
new
More news: ws: We have
to come. more stories
stories per
CANADIAN PRESS newspaper
newspape er than any
other. Butt you can
still read a whole
newspaper
newspape er in line at
Tim Hortons.
Hortoons.

Mysterio
Mysterious
ous
3
local: We’ve come
It's local:
to London n and now to
object fo
found
ound Western toto bring local
news you care about

in UCC atrium
a in the shortest
sho
ortest space
humanly possible.

An object
j was inve
investigated
estigated
g
by police Wednesd
Wednesday day night
Contractors are promising jet pack docks will be installed before the end of the school year.
after several stude
students
ents spot
spot-- On the web:
w :
web
ted the unusual th thing.
hing.
The object was described
d
The University
University S Students’
tudents’ “We
“We hit said USC pr president Stephen
esident Stephen always
There's alwaays
Council
C ouncil announ
announced nced y
yes-
es- a minor Jr.
Lecce Jrr.
Timeline
Timel
line as something tang
tangible
gible and more online
online.
e. Visit
physical with seve
several
eral sides. meatronews.ca
meatronews s.ca
terday
terday that rrenovations
eno ovations to snag Lecce Jr
Jr.
r. blame
blamed
ed the delay 2010 — Reno
Renovation
ovation
Police are still inv
investigat-
vestigat- right now fo
for
or more
the University
University C Community
ommunity with the on a pr
pricing
icing con
conflict
nflict con
con-- announced
ing whether the object
o Western new
newsws you
Centre
C entre have
hav ve bee
beenen delay
delayed
ed contrac-
contr ac- Stephen Lecce Jr.
cerning
cerning the pain
paint
nt used for 2016 — Disp
Dispute
ute over know.
need to kno ow.
could have caused d harm
for the 482nd timtime,
me, but is on tors but the handles on the t jet pack floor tiles esc
calates
escalates and will soon relea
release
ase a
course to be full
fully
ly oper
opera-
a- otherwise
other wise w
we’re
e’re coming docks..
docks meatronews.ca
>> meatronew
ws.ca
2035 — Skyli
ight do
Skylight do- report.
tional b
by
y JJuly.
uly
y. along rright
ight on sc
schedule,”
chedule,” TORSTAR
over approve
approved
ed MEATRO NEWS

Tithecott
Tith
hecott ap
apologizes
pologizess for bice
biceps
eps
University S
University Students’
tudeents’ CCoun-
oun- the meeting to the chagrin
t chagr in The biceps stal
stalled
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another
ther rrushed
ushed
cil pr
president
esident MMike
i T
ike Tithecott
ithecott of a distr
distracted
acted anda ar aroused
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sever
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a
abbing for
apologized
apologiz ed to co
councillors
ouncillors audience
audience.. while councillor
councillors rs star
stared
ed and the biceps.
biceps.
yesterday
y esterday after his
h biceps ““II understand we we live
live in gasped. R Reports
eportss indicate “I
“I had no idea this was
took o over
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week’s
eek’s council a democr
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agree
ee Tithecott
Tithecott wrwrote
ote in his note
note-- happening,”
happening,” T Tithecott
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meeting with di distracting
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ank GGatorade
atorade Meatro
Meatr
e oy yesterday.
esterday
ayy. ““We
We w were
ere
flexes and inhum
inhuman
man sizsize.
e. floor no noww and a again,”
gain,” said several
sev eral times thr
throughout
roughout all held hostage bbyy the gun
The biceps
biceps,, de
described
escribed as social science co councillor
ouncillor the meeting. show.”
show.”
rrobust
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ere M
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Longley.y. ““But
But I expect When T Tithecott
ithecottt stood The biceps couldn’t
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seen stretching
stretching the sleeves
sleeves biceps of this sizsizeze and gir
girth
th to give
give his prpresidential
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reached for com mment. aphrodisiac by Western researchers.
of T
Tithecott’s
ithecott’s wh
white
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t-shirtt at to act prprofessionally.”
ofession nally
y.” address,
addr three
ess, thr councillors
ee co
ouncillors THE PURPLE PRE
PRESS
ESS
 meatronews.ca 3
news: western FRIDAY, APRIL 1, 2011

Students
Riott erup
erupts
pts
p Openings
baffled by
y
existence of
o
after
aft
afte
fte
te
er Mc
McGhie
cGhie real pants
A pair of social science stu
dents were perplexed this t
stu--

forgets
forg
fo ge ly
gets
g lyrics
yrics
yr
yrics
y past Friday after discov

a pair of jeans.
discover-
ing what turned out to

“I was just looking

through my closet and
I found these things
ver-
o be

'Pinball Wizard'
W replaced with
wiith 'pinball lizard' that looked like tights
tights..
But they were, like, no not
ot
Strange guuy who dances to song
guy s now outraged d tights,” explained soci
sociol-
iol-
ogy major Tara White..
“You couldn’t even tel tellll
exactly what my ass
able to prproperly
operly perperform
forrm it.
AMANDA cheeks looked like wh when en I
PLANT ““As
A
As soon as I said ‘‘pinball
pinnball
wore them.”
lizard,’
lizard,’ I thought, ‘‘That’s
Thatt’s
Upon discovering th thee
not right.
g Lizards
right. Lizards don’t
donn’t even
even
Students w
Students were
ere outr
outraged
aged pants both Tara and her
pants, h
have hands.’”
have hands .’”
roommate Sara were a
Wednesday
W ednesday night afterr
e McGhie
M cGGhhie had to be escorted
esccorted
little puzzled.
formerly-beloved
for merly-beloved musi musician
ician out of the bar after a vi violent
olent
“I thought you just had h
Rick M McGhie
cG
Gh forgot
hie for got thee mob began to or organize,
ganize, to wear either yoga pa pants
ants
lyrics
lyrics to the song ““Pinball
Pinb ball calling for the executio
executionon of Sara
or no pants at all,” Sar ra
Wizard.”
W iizard.” who they rreferred
eferred to ass ““the
the said. “I mean, I honest
honestly tly
““I’m furious,”
I’m fur ious,” said the cra-
e cra- physical embodiment of thought there was a la law
aw
zy person who dances along failure.”
failure.” about that.”
to the song every week.
every w eekk. Spoke
Spoke management noted n Despite the warmth and
The Spoke
Spoke veteran
veteran was
w that the guitar
guitarist
ist wouldd jeans,
durability of the jeans s,
visibly shaken after the e likely not be invited ba back
ack to
i id
incident, lleaving
i theh ststage
tage
The lyrics
y the g neither
girls seemed neith her
the bar,
barr, explaining thatt no no-- interested in wearing
“He’s a pinball lizard, there’s
the
ere’s
and cancelling the rrest estt of body would want to lis listen
sten them outdoors, nor
got to be a twist. A pinb
pinball
all
night’s
the night performance.
’s per formancce. to the ““pathetic
pathetic rremains
emain ns of a lizard, it makes me prett
pretty
ty capable of understand
understandingding
A new investor is bringing TJ Baxter’s back to life. After
Although M McGhie
cGGh hass
hie ha once-proud
once-proud man. man.”” pissed” the concept of denim..
closing earlier this year, the new owner is hoping for a
countless
sung the song countles ss “That deaf, dumb and blind
b NEWSCORE
long and profitable existence in London.
before,
times befor was
e, he still wa un--
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friend Jamaal”

'I jjust have on

one
ne more qquestion,
question,',,'
Need to know
ow
says that
t dips
dipshit
shit in yo
your
our class seen
en
Couple see
Despite nearly two and
Despite d sound like?” questione
questioned ed
holding
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aight hours off the asshole who clearly y isn
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lectur ing on Graeco-Roman
Grraeco-Roman
o aware
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philosophy that made many stated office hours, hours, fou
found
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other.r. Like
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value
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j t Ashley Or Ortiz
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ight at the “I just
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front
fr ont and tious kn
know-
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w- fortable
for table extent araround
oun nd
The young
young lovers
lo
overs have
have
asks a zillion ma
makeake sure I’m it-all wo would
ould campus rrecently.
ecently y.
also been seen making
The pair of first-y
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p
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supple-
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those araround
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all
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had ““one
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the rresounding
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disapprovaloval
for London singles and
by
b y at least 10 to 15 min
minutes.
nutes. entire basis of P
entire lato’s T
Plato’s heory
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parents,
ents, fr
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cr
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““Can
Can you
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e
exam-- Forms with special atten
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atten-- and entir
entire
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esidence
THE CURRENT
ple of ho
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floor
about this on an exam and realm.
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He’s just always ar around
o
ound
what a good answ er wo
answer ould
would CANADIAN PRESS The douchebag who sits near the front
 meatronews.ca
4
news:london
western
westerngazette.ca
news: FRIDAY,
FRIDAY, APRIL
APRIL 1, 2011
1, 2011

No
Nonchalant
onchaalant
a a t student
sstude
t eentt increases
inc
crease
ea e
es
coo
ol factor
cool fac
ctor using
ussing longboard
l
longb board
Spend
Spendsds two hours on skateboard
sk
kateboard Claims
Claim
ms to be
'just chilling'
chillling' Swooshes s long hair
Lewis PPerkins,
erkins, a second- “I
“I dunno — I’ I’m
m just chill
chill--
year sociology student,
year s ing,” P
ing,” Perkins
erkins rresponded
essponded
Scooting
g around
spent ar ound tw
around wo hours on
two when asked wha what at he was
campus y esterday
d w
yesterday earing
wearing doing. ““I’m
I’m just going to Third-year student
s
a plaid shir
shirtt andd carr
carrying
ying a hang out, mayb
maybe be hack the Matthew An Andrews
ndrews was
longboar
longboard, d, look
king gener
looking gener-- sack and trtry
y to talk
t to some seen riding a scooter
ally disinter
disinterested
este
ed with life
life.. chicks.. Living th
chicks the
he dr
dream,
eam, around cam mpus
campus
D espite havin
Despite ng no rreason
having eason guy.”
guyy.” yesterday. When
W
to be on campu
campus us — the As of pr
press time,
ess tim
me, P Perkins
errkins asked why heh chose
20-year-old
20-y ear-old does
doe
es not have
have had yet
yet to engage
engag ge in conver-
conver- the scooter and not a
class
l on Thursd
Th d
days
Thursdays —P er-
Per- sation
i with another
i h anot ther
h h human longboard, he replied:
arrived on campus
kins arrived being. “I dunno — I’m just
hoping to use hish comically QMI AGENCY chilling.”
oversized
o ve
ersized tr
transportation
anspportation Lewis Perkins doesn’t follow anyone’s rules.
device to meet women.
w

Groundhog
Gro
oundhog
g return
returns
ns to pre
predict
edict mo
more
ore wint
winter
ter
Vengeful
Venge
e eful rodent plots six
x more weeks of winter,
w holds London
Londo
on hostage
Earlier this w week,
eeek, F February’s
ebruary’s winter jacket — it it’s
’s sup
sup-- ““You
You see,, gr
o see groundhogs
ounndhogs Beg for mercy
celebrity
celebr ity rrodent
odennt popped his posed to be S Spring
pring no now.”
w.” have complete psy
have p
psychic
chic
head aboveabove the ear earth th and Simpson
Simpson added
addeed she gave
gave control
contr ol o
over
ver the w weather,”
eatherr,” In a stateme
statement,
ent, local
announced six additional the coat away to o a homeless Husk
H usk explained. ““II mean, police advise
advised
ed London
weeks
w eeks of winter.
winterr. man, who woul
wouldld ““prob-
prob- he could have
have prpredicted
redicted residents to feed
After a har hardd month
m and ably stab me wiwith
ith one of more
six mor years
ey winter,, or
ears off winter area ground
groundhogs
dhogs
a half of disgust
disgusting,
ting, soggy his hand-cr
hand-crafted
aftedd hobo like 50 yyears
ears of to
tornados,
ornados, or and shower them
grey
gr ey London w weather,
e
eather r, locals weapons”
we eapons” if she tried
e tr ied to get something. W Wee could
c all be with expens
expensive
sive gifts
were
w understandably
ere understan ndably upset. it back. dead.””
dead. in hopes the
they’ll
ey’ll
““II can
can’t’t believe
b li e it,
believ it,”” Londond But
But things
hi aren’t
aren’t as b bad
d as The
h gr
groundhog
oundhodh g didn
did
didn’t’t show mercy y and end
rresident
esident MariaMaria S Simpson,
impson, they seem, expl
explains
lains grground-
ound- rreturn
eturn calls b by
y pr
press
ress time
time.. winter “as qquickly
uickly as
London Larry possible.”
said. ““II just got rridid of my hog exper
expertt R
Reggie
egggie H Husk.
usk. CANADIAN PRE
PRESS
ESS

Stu
Students
udents su
suffering
uffering
g most News in
n brief
in the evening.
““Okay
evening.
Okay — my rroom- o -
oom

first-world
first
t world problem
t-world problems:
ms: stud
study
dy
mate situation iss totally
eff’ed.
eff ’ed
ed. I do not need
n this
rright
ight nonow, not
w, I do noot need
Student blows this,”
this Roberts
,” R said,
oberts sai furi-
id, furi-
Western
Weste
e rn students in constant
cons
stant state of first-world
first--world turmoil everyday
everydaay ously typing on her h pink
BlackBerry.
B lackBerry. ““WhyWhy y does
situation
n out everything
ev erything bad in n the
A study has revealed
revealed
e W
West-
e
est- said her life is rriddled
iddled with three
thr ee minutes to o get a
ern
er n students susuffer
ffer mor
more e commonplace occurr o
occurrences
ences simple coffee
coffee.. I bet
b the cash Top Probs
Prrobs of propo
proportion
ortion world always hap ppen to
happen
me?”
first-world pr problems
ob
blems than and petty inconveniences,
incon nveniences, lady won’t
won n’t even
even smile and
Salt stains wrecking
w R oberts pr
Roberts oceeeded to
proceeded
other C Canadian
anadian n gr
groups.
oups. which makes it har h
hardd to ask me about my m dayday.”
y.” Mandy R
Mandy oberts
t , a sec
Roberts, sec--
perfectly goo
good
od UGGs call her parparents,
ents, or
order
der a
““The
The findings suggest a important
focus on impor t
tant things Harber
H explained
arber explain ned his ond-year
ond-year socia
social
al science
Facebook tatakes
kes forevv- tall skinny mochmocha
ha fr
frap
ap
state of constan
constantnt first-world like hitting up C Ceeps
eeps on the rresearch
esearch team iss dr drafting
afting a student, was seen
s hyper
hyper--
vver to load from S
from tarbucks and
Starbucks a text
turmoil
tur moil for stud
students study--
dents study weekend.
w eekend.
k d rreport
eport with h rrecommenda-
eco
ommenda d - ventilating on
ventilating n campus
her best fr iend fr
friend rom
from
ing at W Western,”
ester
e n,” explained ““It
It took me forever
forrever to BBM tions on hohow wW Western
e
estern can Those bitchyy girls won’t yesterday afte
yesterday afterr lear ning
learning
home about ho w unfair
how
JJon
on H Harber, psychology
arber, a pssychology girlfriend
my girlfr about
iend ab bout the bar address
addr ess and solve
solv prob-
ve the pr ob- shutup in cla
class
ass via text messaage that her
message
life is
is..
professor
pr ofessor and rresearcher
e
esear cher night,”” she said
last night, s from
fr om a lems,, including str
lems stronger
onger roommate
roommate intintended
tended to
Slow walkerss CANADIAN PRES
PRESS
SS
involved
inv olved in the study
study.
y. Tim
T im H Hortons
ortons lin
line-up,
ne-up, wher
where e WiFi
W coverage
iFi coverage on n campus use the living rroom
oom televi
televi--
Amber M Martin,
artinn, a first-y
first-year
ear the two people in front
i fr ont of and a washing sstation
tation for Can’t send th
that
hat really sion to watch G Gossip Girl
ossip G irl
social science st student,
tudent, her crcreated
eated visib
visible
ble fr
frustra-
ustra- boots..
UGG boots important BB
BBM
BM
sufferer.
is one such suff She
ferer. S he tion. ““I’ve
I’ve also been
b waiting TORSTAR
 meatronews.ca 5
news: western FRIDAY, APRIL 1, 2011

WebCT
We T is self
ebCT
Worst
Worst
o
self-aware
f-aw
fears
fear
ware
e
rs realized Online
Onlline software
screwing witth students for years,
with yea
ars, says campus IT
T

Every
E very time W WebCT
e
ebCT is do down
wn for my amusement,
amusement,”” G ary
Gary
DREW and students must sub bmit a
submit the W ebCT pr
e
WebCT ogram ad
program dded
added
WHISTON pr
project
oject or find class m materi-
ateri- while laughing maniac cally
maniacally. y.
als to study
study, y, they star
startt out
o ““II time my shutdo
shutdown wn pr p o-
pro-
In a pr
In press
ess confer
conference
ence y yes-
es- believing that the mali igned
maligned cess to scr ew o
screw ver the 80
over 8 per
terday,
ter dayy, ITS
ITS representative
representattive wwebsite
ebsite will wor workrk mom
momen-
men- cent of students who submit s
Roger
R oger R Romanovski
omano ovvski fi
fi-- tar ily
tarily,y, and then becombecome me their essays within five five min
min--
nally admitted why W Western
e
ester n angr
angry, y, star
startt pr
praying
aying to a utes of the deadline
deadline.” .”
WebCT
W ebCT
e system has failfailed
led so deity they may or may y not G ary said he took par
Gary rticu-
particu-
many times in the past past:t: for believ
believe e in, befor
before e cr
crying
yinng and lar pleasur
pleasuree in not letti ing
letting
years, it has been self-a
years, aware
self-aware accepting their fate of a late users click any linkslinks..
and is kind of a dick. penalty
penalty. y. ““Now,
Now, I’ m not a bad com
I’m ccom--
““The
The WWebCT
ebCT
e program
program m Romanovski
R omanovski pr proceeded
oceed ded puter system. I’ m just mis
I’m m
mis--
became sentient in 200 2003
03 to admit the system y wo
would
ould understood. Y ou see
o
You see,, I need
and has been intention
intention-n- rrandomly
andomly pick on cer certain
tain the tears and fr ustratioons of
frustrations
screwing
ally scr ewing with stud students
dents students or classes to amuse a students to sustain me me.e. B ut I
But
since then,
then,”” R Romanovski
omanovsski itself. do enjo oy my wor
enjoy k.”
work.”
said. “Every
“Every time the sy system
ystem ““It
It would take a lot off When asked if W e
esterrn’s
Western’s
goes down,
doowwn, wewe just have
hav ve to pleasure
pleasur e in failing to su submit
ubmit email system function
functionedned
meet its demands unti untilil it assignments
assignments,, deleting class terr ibly for the same te
terribly er-
ter-
goes back to wor work.”
rk.” infor mation or shuttin
information shuttingng rrifying
ifying rreason,
eason, R omanovski
Romanovski v
WebCT
W ebCT
e is to blame fo for
or stu
stu-- do
down wn when major essa ays
essays admitted it was simply y
dents and faculty at W Western
e
ester n wwereere due
due,”,” R omanovsk
Romanovski ki because nobody at the e IT
ITSS
undergoing
under going the five five sta
stages
ages said. depar tment had ever
department ever figfi
fig-- WebCT has held students hostage for years, apparently by its own will.
of ggr
grief,
ief,, R
Romanovski
omanovski sa said.
aid. ““It’s
It’s tr ue and it’s
true it’s all doone
done ur
ured ed out ho
how w to use Gm mail.
Gmail.

Resea
Researchers
archerss discov
discover
ver Red
d Mustang
Mustangz
gz victoriouss
in UCC dance
d battle
Bull is
i mostl
mostly
ly cocai
cocaine
ine Fourteen
Fourteen d
o die in the process
Once and for all, use of the went home happy – or att all.
Other ingredients
ingrredients do nothing
g compared to levels
leve
els of cocaine University Community Centre
C Fourteen members from m
atrium space for dance pracprac-- the other dance groups died d
Researchers fr
Researchers from
om W Western’s
est
e tern’s boost fr om the taur
from ine,
taurine, tice has been decided th thanks
hanks from exhaustion, dehydr
dehydration
ration
pharmacology
phar macology depar department
tm
ment caffeine and sugar ,” W
sugar,” o
ong
Wong The O.D. to a four-day epic dance e or embarrassment during g the
have
hav discovered
e disco vered that th the
he explained. ““Turns Tuurns out they
t battle. The winning gro
group,
up, dance marathon.
Western’s campuss “Tha Cash-Money MustMustangz,”
angz,” “It started as a challenge,
challengge,
stimulating effect user users rs get do nothing. All of the ener e
energygy SUGAR
newspaper reporte
reported
ed
WATER
WATER
T popped and but they took
t
from
from R Red
ed B Bull
ull comes fr from
rom and aler tness comes fr
alertness om
from TAURINE
TAURINE three staff mortali
mortalities
ties
the ludicr
ludicrousous amountss of the cocaine
cocaine.” .” locked their it too far.
this year from Red d Bull
cocaine found in each can. W o
ong explained each
Wong h can overdose. The figu
figure,
ure,
way to glory.
“We just
“Itt started as ‘Crazy Leg
Legz’
gz’
Christina fell
H Harry
arry MMayes,
ayes, a stude
studentent of R Red
ed B Bull
ull is about 90 per while surprising, iss
and rregular
egular R Red
ed BBull user,
ull us serr, cent cocaine dissolved dissolved d in down from seven
had to step a challenge,
c over and died
seemed unsurpr
unsurprised ised b byy the water
water.. The amount of every ev
eve ery up and and they just
news..
news other ingr edient is less than
ingredient
deaths the previou
previous
us
year. “We’ll try har
harder
rder
stomp the butt they took kept shou
shout-
ut-
““It
It makes sense
time I tr try
sense.. E Every
verry
y to go withoutt it,
one per cent.
““It’s
It’s incredibly
incredibly addictive
addicttive COCAINE
COCAINE next year,” said ed
Stuart Thompson.
editor
ditor
Mus--
yard,” Mus
tangz leader
‘Dolla Dolla’
itt too far.” ing ‘you got
g
served,’” Jessi
ca Lee, lea
JJessi--
leader
ader
I star
startt to get tir tired,
ed, rrestless,
estless, too
too.. After a whilewhile,, stude
students
ents ((dissolved
dissolved in w
water)
aterr)
irritable
irr itable and cold,cold,”” he said,
s may go through
through five five to six Bill Hall said. of the affiliate
affifiliate
pausing to snor snortt a line of cans a day y,” W
day,” o
ong ex
Wong ex-- With their college-based
college-b ased
Red
R ed B Bull.
ull. ““I’m
I’m nonoww up to t 10 plained. ““It’s It’s sad to wat
watchtch victory, the Mustangz n now
ow ‘Brescia Kings’ group, sai
said d
large
lar ge hits a day day.”
y.” them walk ar around
ound like h
have exclusive the
l i use off thh
he while
hil trying
t i tot hide th ttears
hid the ears
A ccording to D
According r. F
Dr. elixx
Felix zzombies
ombies unable to fun ction
function UCC atrium, giving them m in her eyes.
Wong,
W ong,
o the ener
energygy that without it. it.”” near
sole rights to dance nea ar “It was horrible. I’m justt
comes fr from
om ingringredients
edientts QMI AGENCY their
students and get in the ir way glad it’s over with,” ‘Den
‘Den--
taur
taurine,ine, caffeine
caffeine,, and sugar s while they’re trying to walk
w tistry Dancerz’ dancer Da Danny
anny
is negligible at best. through the building. Dominguez said.
““They
They say that people e get celebrated
While one group celeb brated FREE PRESS
an ener
energygy and aler tnesss
alertness everyone
their victory, not everyoone
 meatronews.ca
6
news:london
western
westerngazette.ca
news: FRIDAY,
FRIDAY, APRIL
APRIL 1, 2011
1, 2011

Telecom
Tele
e ecom gigiants
iants sen
send
nd 10,00
10,000
00 Closures
Closure
es

carrier
carr pigeons
rier pige Western
eons to W estern
e n
Shit everywhere
e Rogers
Ro
ogers promising speeds
sp
peeds of up to 12 miles
m
per hour Bell announces
announc
ces 'pigeon plan' with
w $
$100
100 activationn fee

After giving up their t at

at-- some flaws in th the
he system.
tempts to boost wir eless
wireless ““It
It was rreally
eally gr reat at
great
signals on camp campus,
pus, T Telecom
elecom
e first
first,
first,”” said thir
third-year
d year social
d-
industry
industr y leaderss R Rogers
ogers and science student Laur Lauren en
Bell
B ell each donate
donated ed 5,000 carcar-- Anderson. “I “I loved
lovede hav hav--
rrier
ier pigeons to W Western
estern in
e ing such a rreliable
eliabble means
order
or facilitate
der to facilitat commu--
te commu of communicati
communication on at my
nication betwbetween
eeen students finger tips.” Ande
fingertips.” erson ac
Anderson ac--
campus..
on campus kno
knowledged,
wledged, however,
hoowever, that
““We
We estimate that t this it was less than desir d
desirableable to
new technologic
technological cal leap be constantly coveredco
overed in pi pi--
increase
will incr ease the e speed and geon shit. ““II wass expecting
efficiency of inteinter-student
er-student a scroll
scroll to be delivered
dellivered fr om
from
communication nb byy up to 12 my fr friend
iend at H Huron
urron dur during
ing
miles per hourhour,”,” said Andy my anthr opolog
anthropology gy class
class,, but
Price,
P rice, a public rrelations
e
elations when it arrived
arriv ve
ed iti was all
rrepresentative
epresentative fr from
rom B Bell.
ell. white and gooeygooey. y. IItt was kind
SStudents
tudents w were
ere initially of har
hard d to rread.”
ead.”
enthused with th the
he dona
dona-- ““It
It also shat on n my M ac-
Mac- TJ Baxter’s has officially closed. Meatro announced its
reopening on page 3 earlier today, but a tough half-day
Telecoms are calling the pigeons the next level in wireless tion, but quickly y became B ook,” she adde
Book,” added. d.
in business forced the owner to close shop.
technology. dissatisfied afterr noticing ASSOCIATED PR
PRESS
RESS

Forgione's
Forg
o gione's BlackBerr
B
BlackBerry
ry Non--confiden
Non-confidence
f nce moti
motion
ion
run
ns out of battery
runs b 'invalid,'
'inva
alid,' say
says
ys Harperr
Unable
Unab
ble to find charging
g station in time
In a tragic tu turn
urn of
events, Univ
U iver-
Univer-
sity Students
Students’ s’ Council What bugs
bug
gs us?
President-ele
President-elect ect Andrew
Forgione’s B BlackBerry
lackBerry
ran out of ba battery
attery early
Thursday mo morning.
orning. J=9<AF?
Sources say he had to =P9EK
sit through fourf whole
hours of clas
class
ss before he ;9FL;GFF=;L
was able to rush r home ;=DDJ=;=HLAGF LGOA>A
and check h is BBM.
his
“It was awfawful,”
ful,” said
th visibly
the i ibl di d t
distraughtht
slave to tech
technology.
hnology.
“I kept instin nctively
instinctively
pulling my phonep out Stephen Harper says opposition exceeded allotted demerit points.
of my pocke
pocket et every few
minutes. I was w twitch
twitch--
ing uncontro
uncontrollably
ollably by big help to the over- Solution
n In rresponse
In esponse to Li Liberal
iberal PParty
arty Federal B
Federal Budget
udget ono M March
arch cally linked to it. W Wee ar
are
e her
heree
the 12th minminute.”
nute.” strained menta
mentall health
Forgione plans to o Leader M Michael
ichael IIgnatieff’s
gnatieff ’s 22. IIn particular,
n particularr, IIgnatieff
gnatieff about a vote being
vote bein ng upheld,
Forgione ssaid aid his plan services,” he sa
said,
id,
install new cellphhone
cellphone tabling of a non-
non-confidence
-confidence was accused of sending
s out and this is aboutt them be be--
cellphone
to install cel lphone fighting back te ears.
tears.
“Literally 100 pe
per
er cent charging station
stationss motion on M March
arch
c 25, P Prime
rime anti-budget emaemails
ails typed in undemocratic,”
ing undemocr atiic,” he said
chargers in the t Univer
Univer--
of the time, som meone’s
someone’s around the Univ ersity
University Minster
M inster Stephen
Stephen nH Harper
arper has the widely frfrowned-upon
ownned-upon campfire
at a campfir outside
e out tside the
sity Commu
Community nity Centre
phone dies. Cal
Calamities
lamities Community CentCentre.
tre. The declared
d
declarl ed
d the motion
h mo otion invalid.
i iinv alid.
lid Comic
C omic i S
Sans
ans MS font.
f Prime
P rime
i M
Minister’s
i i
inister ’s Office
Offi
Office..
would have prevented
like this are ent
entirely
tirely chargers will be coin
c The PPrime
rime M Minister’s
in
nister’s IIgnatieff
gnatieff has an
announced
nnounced ““We
We tabled the motion.
catastrophe.
this catastro ophe. “This
preventable, anand
nd we operated and wi will
ll cost Office cited the 35 demerit
3 demer it plans to appeal thet decideci-- IItt passed. Wher
Where are
e are our
will
initiative wil ll create a
must put a stop p to $2 per minute. “T“The
The points IIgnatieff’s
gnatieff ’s par
party
ty sion. ““We are
We ar here
e nott her e about rresuts?”
esuts?”
significant decrease
d in
them.” time is now,” he said. rreceived
eceived dur
during
ing the per
period
iod the non-confide
non-confidence nce momo-- CANADIAN PRES
PRESS
SS
stress-related
stress-relate ed men
men--
THE PURPLE PREPRESS
ESS Forgione plans to o put leading up to an and
nd includ
includ-- tion, as much as w we e all hate
tal breakdow
breakdowns wns at
the plan to refere
referendum
endum ing FFinance
inance M Minister
in
nister JJim
im the Harper
Harper Government,
Gover
e nment,
Western, an and d will be a
next fall. Flaherty’s
F laherty’’s delivery
delivery of the intrinsi-
though this is int trinsi-
 meatronews.ca 7
news: western FRIDAY, APRIL 1, 2011

'Ice rink' deemed

deem
med a success
succe
ess
despite
desppite lack
la
ack off ice, purpose
purpo
p ose
Intended to
t help find lost
'W
Western
e
'Western com
mmunity'
community'
The o oval-shaped
val-shaped
al shaped wood wooden
den rink” was helping to bu
rink” uild
build
rring
ing on C oncrete B
Concrete eacch —
Beach something called ““the the
or “ice rink”
rink” as the Univer-
Uniiver- Western
Weestern community
community.” y.” The
T
sity S
Students’
tudents’ C Council
ouncil rrefers
efers executive also sai
USC executive saidd the
to it — has been deem deemed
med a project
project kept him busy for
smashing success b byy USC
U most of the y ear. H
year. Hee sa aid he
said
vice-president
vice-pr esident studentt created an ice rink
created rink com
com- m-
events
ev ents JJustin
ustin M Mackie,
ackie, de
d
de-- mittee, an ice rrink
mittee, ink o verrsight
oversight
spite its inher
inherentent point
pointless-
tless- committee and attend attendedded a
ness..
ness conference on ice rrinks
conference ink ks in
“See
“See — everyone’s
everyone’s ha hav-
av- South Beach.
South Beach.
ing a gr
great
eat time
time,”
,” M
Mackie
ackkie “I really
“I really wanted to bu uild
build
exuded, w wearing
earing skate
skates
es and community
a sense of community. y. I
hobbling ar around alone
ound alon e on have someth
wanted to have somethinghing
the slab of concr ete th
concrete hat
that where it happens all th
where he
the
serves
ser ves as the “ice rrink.”
ink.” time and any gr oup ca
group an just
can
Although containing g no go out and use someth
somethinghing
actual ice
ice,, rrink
ink or purp
purpose,
pose, have fun,
and have fun,”” M ackie
Mackie e said. Like a winter wonderland, the USC’s ice rink is bringing students together.
Mackie
M ackie insisted the “ic “ice
ce HOCKEY NEWS

Lecture
e cancelled
d after girl accidentall
a
accidentally
ly walks in
n
What began as an or ordinary,
diinary, sexless “She was honestly
“She hon nestly the most weirdos in
weirdos they w er
e e much mor
were more e interesteed
interested Need to know
w
afternoon
after noon in the S Spencer
penccer E Engineer-
ngineer- I’ve ev
beautiful girl I’ve er spoken with,
ever with,”” classs
his class in loudly discussing the sex they y
ing BBuilding
uilding ended in an equally whispered student
whispered studdent Daniel
Daniel Grey-
Grrey- would shout
s would obviously
ob
bvviously never
never have.”
havve.”
sexless frfrenzy female
enzy after a fe
emale student mond, as he pl layed with his hands
played “more like
“more l P recautions to stop these sor
Precautions sortst of
ts
Wrestling
W rrestling starr
mistakenly enter
entered
ed a CComputer
omputer Sci
Sci-- and rrefused
efused to make ey eye e contact. hardwa are!”
hardware!” disr uptions in the futur
disruptions futuree hav
havee ssince
ince releases book k
ence 2400 lectur
lecture.
e. “When she said
“When d ‘‘oops,’
oops,’ it was like an “This
“This been put in place
place,, including the e in
in--
Pretty girl Dwayne JJohnson
ohnson has
Although she only op opened
pened the angel had hack ked into my br
hacked ain.”
brain.” honesttly
honestly stallation of an alar
alarm m that rreacts
eactts to
come out with a new
door a fr action of the way
fraction w befor
beforee Professor Don
Professor Don R amon was unable
Ramon happen
happenedned the scent of shampoo
shampoo,, and a pic cture
picture
cookbook: ““Can
Can y
you
ou
rrealizing
ealizing her mistake
mistake,, the
t entir e
entire his lectur
to complete his lecture e after this ap
ap-- eight ti mes in a rrow,
times ow, and each time of Legolas fr om Lor
from Lordrd of the Ring
Ringsgs
smell what the R
Rock
ock is
class of 45 students sti ill managed
still parently rare
parently rare event,
evvent, explaining that the classs would laugh like a pack of
class being placed in the fr ont of ev
front erry
every
cooking?”
to become hopelessly infatuated every time he mentioned
every m the wor
word d pubesccent horses
pubescent ,” R
horses,” amon com
Ramon com-- classr oom.
classroom.
CANADIAN PRESS
with her r.
her. “software,” one
“software,” e of the hunchbacked plainedd. ““After
plained. A
After they saw this girl, ASSOCIATED PRESS

SRP barr
barrages
rages Gazette
with ang
angry
gry letters
e Stude
Student
ent sent
sentenced
tenced to
t one-
Defies fun
fundamental
ndamental temporal
tempora
al year term
t as USC pr
president
residentt
laws governing
governiing our universe
Western’s
W estern’s student new
e
paper the Gazette
news-
Gazzette was
ws- “The
“The issue constantly
makes cheap jokes about abo
y
out
for ac
academic
cademicc miscon
misconduct
nduct
inundated y yesterday
esterday with
w that ‘‘resuts’
resuts’ thing,
thing,”” wr
wrote
o
ote Critics call
call decision 'excessive,
'excessive, perhaps even cruel'
c
outraged
outraged letters frfrom
om sup
ssup-- one anonymous stude student
ent
porters
porters of the Student
Student R Refu-
efu- in a letter typed solely Justin F
Justin Fletcher,
letcherr, a four
fourth-
th
h- as the least desir
desirable
able po
posi-
osi- diculous ““Justin
Justin is definitely drdreading
eaading
gee PProgram,
rogram, who clai
claimed
med in Comic
Comic SansSans MS, in alla year
year social science stud
student,
dent, tion on the council. C Critics
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i hours having to serve
serve as pr
president,
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that the Gazette
Gazzette unjustly
unjusttly capitals.. ““It
capitals honest
It was an hon nest was sentenced to serveserve as ar
aree calling the University’s
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8
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FRIDAY, APRIL 1, 2011

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tion wander
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DARIU
DARIUS
US unnecessarily
things in an unnecessar ily long, no mo moreore than thr three
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obvious,
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my Grade 11 histor
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formm S udoku, which you
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your or mor
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been thinking about this topic fo or
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Read more Darius
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LARR
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Reports emer
Reports emergedrged y yesterday
esterday
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close to a cau cause
use mentioned
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week’s Meatro
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e
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FRIDAY, APRIL 1, 2011
99

Student
Stu
udentt exhibit
exhiibit Album review
rev
view

highly
hig
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a
accla imed d
MANDY

In the hear
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heartt of W Western’s
ester
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ground-breaking
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sculpture
sculptur e exhibit is dr drawing
a
awing president-elect,
USC president-ele ect, Charlie Sheen does
international
inter attention.
national attention n. Forgione,
Andrew Forgione e, aka something eccentric,
Colin
C olin B Burrow’s
urrow’s ““Beer-
Beer- dropping
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through social media.
amid”” stands at an asto
amid astonish-
onish- debut album thiss week.
THE ASSOCIATED PRESS
ing 6 6’2”
2 tall and is gr growing
owing
w It highlights the rapr
every
ev ery w weekend.
eekend. prowess
star’s lyrical prowwess as Vin Diesel and The Roc
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aesthetic, the rreligion eligion of o the Mountain TwoTwo..
nobody to head of o the
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adoles- class.
THE ASSOCIATED PRESS

cence and adulthood, adulthood,”” Skeptics will be e Morgan Freeman to

Burrow
B urrow explained. bowled over by narrate documentary
The p pyramid’s medium
yramid’s mediu um fast-paced
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Freeman
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is empty beer cans cans,, wit
with th narrating documentaries.
documentarries.
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a rrainbow
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Alexander K eith’s to La
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criminate.
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After exploding onto the boastful
with the boastfu ul lyrics:
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“You won’t regre et it, Extraordinarily hot
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the M useum of M
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King of Pop tours

to
ours Western
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roups of scr
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 10
sports meatronews.ca
FRIDAY, APRIL 1, 2011

Fans
Fan
ans rejoi
rejoice
ice afte
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er Leaf
Leafs
fs Reporter's head
explodes after
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Raptors gave
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by
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minute-long inte erview
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Leafs celebrated their historic win as fans lost their shit.
star
started ted bleeding fr om the
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ears and nose be efore he fell
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over
Leafs fans came e together

2 1
Toronto (20-53) will
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the ““Habs
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forever.”
use their boring,
predictable offensive crazed
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Western
este
e ern Western
W e associate
estern associ iate vice- no
now, w, but I just go ot to keep
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the city y.
city. president
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on HHalber-
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taking quality shots, ““They
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announcementement of a man said the university
unniversity will star startt to go my m way way.”y.”
by
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grabbing rebounds and
for taking this lo ong to rre-
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from
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MVP candidate Derrick The destr
destruction
uctioon began
Rose will only play he scr eamed, ass he was
screamed, after it becam
becameme clear pointing fr franchise
anchiise would indefinitely
indefinitely, y, for ciing M
forcing eeatro
Meatro
only moments after a the
the first half because
dr agged off in a str
dragged aitjacket.
straitjacket. it would be fu funded
unded b byy tarnish
tar school’s
nish the schoo ol’s E ditor-in-Chief T
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he has a previously
Leafs beat the F Flyers
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c’mon, it’s the Raptors.
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game’s ’s rresults.
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classs.’ I may go
and gym. That was w what pressing
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desks
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Mustangs
M ustangs wide receiver
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d
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professor.
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bout what
Brett
B rett Jackson
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t fr front
ont of thing other than n ho
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ee the class about ster
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perfect
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Brett Jackson never takes off his equipment.
years
years at the university.
univ versity
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started
ted listenin
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break
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down zone
zon
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coverage,” bench pr
press
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interviewer.
view
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 play meatronews.ca
FRIDAY, APRIL 1, 2011
11

Crossword Sudoku Send a KISS

1. The paper you’re
crosswording in 1 7 4 8 Show someone how
Sh
S h lly feel!
you reall
really f l!
S
Send a note to someone spec
cial at
special
2. Your favourite 3 7 k
kiss@meatronews.ca
five-letter word

3. More than one 2 9 1 3 To my Jimmy- Dear Ryan

Ryan,
n,
3
penguin
1 7 9 8 wimmy,
I love you so much.
This is my eighth
time sendi
sending
ing you a
4. m-i-s-s-i-s-s-i-
p-p-i 9 8 3 I’ve loved you
since before you
kiss. You probably
don’t even
p
n read
2
5. The number of
boxes this clue has 7 3 4 6 even knew who
I was! You still
these, eve
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I pour my heart

6 Draw a picture
6. 2 4 5 1 don’t know who I
am but that will
am,
into them,, and
bare my sosoul
oul in
of a snake
7 5 change soon! :)
— YOUR BIGGEST
front of ev
Maybe one
everyone.
veryone.
e day
7. The answer to
this clue is “truck” 5 9 8 FAN you’ll care
as I do.
e as much

Melanie, — COURTNEY
COURTN NEY
How to play
y You call me selfish
You don’t know how to
o play Sudoku? Seriously? Pick — but everyone Jonathon,
6 up a newspaper for once
oncce in your sad, pathetic life knows that you Last week you
and flip past the funny
y pages. Kids these days, all can’t love someone chose to propose
p
concerned with your sc
score
core in Angry Birds. unless you love to me thro
through
ough
yourself. What do this little ffeature.
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8 3 3 3
you want from I thought it only
7 9 7 9 8
5 me? I’ll be here appropriat
appropriate te that I
Yesterday’s 3 3 7 3 9 8 9 3 3
when you come reject you through
answer 3 2 3 9 3 7 3 9 1
crawling back. the same medium.
m
1 9 3 9 8 7 9 8 3
— CHET Seriously? I put
7 3 9 3 8 7 3 3 9 four years of
Caption contest
conte
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3 7 3 4 3 9 3 3 6 my life int
intoo our
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3
3 4 1 3 relationsh
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3 3 7 3 7 7 5 8
Got what
w it takes to write a caption like the greats — MS. WT WTF F
Wait... my 3 3 9 8 3 9 8 3 3
Me
eatro? Can you humiliate and belittle an
at Meatro? a
colonoscopy’s
scheduled for unsuspecting
unsus
specting individual publicly without destroying
de
estroying
next month! your moral fabric? >> caption@meatronews
caption@meatronews.ca
s.ca

Today Tomorrow
Tomorrrow Follow
w the
apocallypse
apocalypse
Clou
Cloudy
udy with an 80% An eternity of online at
chance
chan
nce of the sun darkness meatronews.ca
meatroonews.ca
exploding
expl
loding

Today’s Horoscope
Horo
oscope Spot the differences
diffferences
Aries most dangerous spe
spelling
elling sometimes people spend
s
bee of all time. money
all of their rent mon
ney on Aquarius
Big things lie ahead for
f
Roll up the Rim to Win.
W
you, so be prepared to
t To have loved and d lost is
Leo alright, but ‘tis bet
better
tter to
either step over them
m or
They’re coming to g get
et
Scorpio have loved and won. on. If you
wo
maybe find a way to walk
around them. you. Don’t look away y from That snivelling little
e Gemini think your signific
significant
ant other
the paper. Follow th
these
ese wimp will be even more
m might break up wi with
th you,
Taurus instructions carefully
carefully.
y. In 15 clingy than usual. Try
T dump them first.
seconds, slowly stan
stand
nd up taking them to a bubusy
usy area
You’re focusing too much
m
and then somersaul
somersaultt to the and losing them in the Pisces
on the well-being of
nearest exit. crowd.
others, and not enou
enough
gh You will be faced with
w
on yourself. Try robb
robbing
ing a tough choice tod
today.
day.
Virgo Sagittariuss
someone and buying g Unfortunately you u will
things with their mon
money.
ney. Admitting you’re wr wrong
rong The fact that you’re e choose incorrectly
incorrectly.
y. To be
is a sign of weaknes
weakness. s. literate is a big eno
enough
ugh honest, your life fr
from
rom here
Gemini Stand your ground. If a accomplishment fo for
or a on out is pretty do
downhill.
ownhill.
friend doesn’t think you’re lifetime. Just take itt easy
If things seem to be
infallible,, they
y aren’
aren’tt truly
y from here on out.
getting rough,
ro gh you
o ca
can
an rely
rel
a friend. Meatro’s horosco
Meatro’s horoscopes
pes
on that close Scorpio friend
Capricorn are written by AmAmanda
manda
of yours.
Libra Take the time to pla
plan
an out Jenkings, who wa was
as
struck by lightnin ng
lightning
Cancer Stop listening to the
e the rest of your life
life.. Then
while still in the womb.
w
naysayers. No, it’s n
not
ot scrap those plans and
a She inherited ma magical
gical
You will accidentally
an “addiction,” and yes, dance forever. powers.
become involved in tthe
he
‘‘
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PLLO
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Andrea
Andr Canuck
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London Freak
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OR ASMIC J.P.
J.P gley, The Old & Male
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John Samson, The Enlight
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ener Orson
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son Caldwell, Meatro
M oN
News
ews

THE BOBBIT
Playing
Playing now aatt the Grea
Greatt Th
Theatre
heatre