..
FRIDAY. SEPTEMBER 3. 2010
.\
\ seems very clear. One of
I the guidelines states spe-
MERRITT PATTERSON
. '.
7th-Graders
Must Face
Naked Truth
Showering in
groups surely
scars our kids
I thought that seventh
grade at Highland Park
Middle School couldn't be
too drastically different
than fifth and sixth. It's
just on the other side of
the same building, right?
But now, when I look back
on that naivety, I kind of .
wince ..
ot fair. Boys look :finein frumpy lengths, b It girls
........
'are wearing j eggings and it's 195 degrees outsi .e:'
Dear Highland Park.
Middle School assistant
principal Mr. Bohac,
I'm new to your side of
the school, and I have a
couple of questions, mainly
about the dress code and .
· those poor naked boys.
First, the dress code
l cifically that tank tops are
not permitted. So why
\ =does-every female student -
\ argue in the Abercrombie
I
dressing room, "MOM! I
know it says that, but it just
means the strap can't be'
less than two Bohac fingers
wide." How do they know
this? Where is it written?
i
· And if this is true, can you
either meet me at the mall
or provide the exact mea-
surement of two of your
fingers?
And is there any wiggle
room on this mid-thigh
.requirement for shorts? It's
so not fair. Boys look fine in
frumpy lengths, but girls
are wearing jeggings, and
it's 195 degrees outside. I'm
thinking the rule could use
some editing, like: "fash-
ionable shorts, nothing
sleazy." And of course, if
· anyone abuses the update
and shows 'up looking like
a pole dancer in training,
they'd be issued cheap
scrubs fresh out of a box in
your office. Or something
like that.
Also, is there anything
we can do for the boy
moms about the no-athlet-
.ic-shorts rule? Foot Locker
doesn't sell khakis, and I
don't think boys at this age
even know how to walk in
clothing without an elastic
waist. Maybe the admin-
istration can iocate a few
comfy brands of pr 'ppy
shorts and offer the n in
the supply shop, bec use
I'm hearing this is a s rper-
huge problem.
Next, I realize that (;om-
munal showering faciiities
for boys are not excl sive
to HPMS and that it was
a widely accepted thing
when we were grow-
ingup. But so was ge .ting
whacked by a coach with a
.ginormous wooden pa Idle,
and that practice was out-
lawed. So I'm wand' ring
r-r-why do we still re uire
n-to-is-year-old boj s to
be naked in front of ach
other without even, the
slightest partition? I don't
care what anyone sm s -
there's something p etty
traumatic about that. .
I watched The Tudors;
they were totally nuts and
chopped people'S h !ads
off for ridiculous s :uff.
That's exactly what e're
going to look like in _ iov-
ies 50{l vears fro ow
when they feature junior-
high boys showering~vith- MIS/HPMS ($3.5 million
out privacy as an ex ple of which was used for the
of our era's most barbaric gym and athletic areas}
customs. could have been used for
a few flimsy half-walls. I'd
Seriously. We spend all
this energy fighting bt lies appreciate it if you could
andprotectingthe rights of pass that along to the
victims, but then we strip higher-ups.
'em down and throw them Let me know what day
in a big shower together. you can meet us at the
mall! Until then, thanks
I'm not callingl for
for all you do.
another big construction
project on the boys' locker •
Sincerely,
room or anything. I'm just
.Merritt Patterson
sayin' that maybe some of
the $20.5 million we just
E-mail merritt@
spent on improvements to
peoplenewspapers.com
-MERRm PATTERSON(,iee Page lB.)
,; I