ECO ROLE PLAY

SCENE 1: at the mortgage brokers

N (hangover Allen): Gee I’d like to buy a house but I haven’t saved any money for a
downpayment and I don’t think I can afford monthly payments.

SALO GHADHERO, FIRST OF ALL YOU’VE GOT NO MONEY IN YOUR

POCKETS AND ON TOP OF IT YOU BLOODY AFFHOLE WANT TO BUY A
HOUSE…..!!!!!

N: Can you PLEASE help me?

M: Sure, since the value of your house will always go up we don’t need downpayments
anymore. And we can give you a really low interest rate for a few years. We’ll raise it
later okay?

N: Sure no problem but there’s another thing, my employer is a real pain and might not
verify my employment. Would that be a problem?

M: YOU (*$#@*&%$#@...........ON THE PPT) No problem. We can give you a special

LIARS LOAN and you can verify your own employment and income.

N: Dude, you guys are awesome; you are really willing to work with guys like me.

M: BAFOON! We don’t actually lend you the money, a bank will do that,. We don’t
really care if you repay the loan. We still get our commission.

N: I am gonna be rich, I am gonna be rich. (DANCING, PLAY SONG- ALVIN AND

THE CHIPMUNKS, I AM TOO SEXY FOR MY SHIRT….) OR BRUCE ALMIGHTY
– I’VE GOT THE POWER

SCENE 2: at the bank

R(Sardar Singh): I better get rid of these crappy mortgage loans. They are starting to stink
up my office. Thankfully the really smart guys in New York will buy them and perform
their financial magic. Ill call them right away. (SEEING THE TIME)

Scene 3: RSG

S(Amitabh Bachchan KBC): we better get rid of these stinky mortgages before they start
attracting flies WHAT SAY TOING…..!!!!!.

M (quick gun murugun): but who would buy this crap boss?
S: Ive got it! First we’ll create a new security and use these crappy mortgages as
collateral. We’ll call it CDO (or CMO). We can sell that CDO to investors and promise to
pay them back as the mortgages are paid off.

M: but crap is crap isn’t it? I don’t get it?

S: Sure individually they are crappy loans but if we pool them together only some of
them will go bad- surely not all of them. And since housing prices always go up, we have
really little to worry about.

M: I still don’t get it!

S: ABEY DHAKKAN…!The new CDO will be made up of 3 parts ( or traunches) and
we’ll call the THE GOOD, THE NOT SO GOOD and THE UGLY. And if some of the
mortgages fail, as surely some might, we will promise to pay THE GOOD investors first,
the not so good second and the ugly last.

M: OKAYZZZZZ….. And because the good investors have the least risk we will pay
them a lower interest rate than the other guys right? The not so good will get a better
interest rate and the ugly guys will get a nice fat interest rate.

S: Exactly! But wait it gets better. We will buy bond insurance for the Good piece so the
rating agencies will give it a great rating, in the AAA to A range. They will likely give
the not so good a BBB to B rating, still pretty good. We wont even bother asking them to
rate the ugly piece.

M: so you have managed to create AAA and BBB securities out of a pile of stinky risky
mortgage loans… Boss you are a genius! (PUTTING OFF A CIGARETTE)

S: YES I KNOW, I KNOW. ALSO, THE AFFHOLES AT THE SEC WONT LET US
SELL THIS STUFF TO THE WIDOWS AND ORPHANS, SO WE’LL SELL IT TO
OUR SOPHISTICATED INSTITUTIONAL CLIENTS LIKE INSURANCE
COMPANIES, BANKS, SMALL TOWNS IN NORWAY, SCHOOL BOARDS IN
KANSAS- TO ANYONE WHO IS LOOKING FOR A HIGH QUALITY, SAFE
INVESTMENT.

M: but surely nobody would buy the ugly piece would they?

S: AREY YAAR, BHEJHA FRY MAT KAR QUESTIONS PUCH PUCH KE, KBC KA
HOST MEIN THA KI TU????

ENTRY SHAHRUKH KHAN. PLAY SONG KARLE KARLE TU EK SAWAAL……

S: of course not- nobody is that stupid. We will keep that piece and pay ourselves a
handsome interest rate.
PLAY SONG – JAI JAI MONEY….
AND AS THE TWO OF THEM WALK OUT, WE CAN PLAY – WHO LET THE
DOGS OUT…..
M: this is all great but since we are only using the smelly mortgages as collateral on an
entirely new security we haven’t really got rid of them. Don’t we have to show them on
our B/S?

S: no of course not. The guys who write the accounting rules allow us to set up a shell
company in the caymen islands to take ownersip of the mortgages. The crap goes on their
bs not ours. The fancy name for it is SPECIAL PURPOSE VEHICLES.

M. that’s great, but y wud they let us do that. Arent we just moving our own crap around?

S.sure but we have convinced them that it is vitally important to the health of the us
financial system that investors don’t know about these complex transactions and what is
behind them.

SCENE 4

T: hey man what the hell is up. We aren’t receiving our monthly payments

S: yeah I meant to call you but its been really crazy around here. It seems that the
affholes who took out the mortgages backing your CDO aren’t able to pay them off.

T: wait a minute. We bought the AAA “good” piece of the CDO. You know the safe one?
We are suppose to be getting paid first.

S: well unfortunately the loans were a bit more crappier than we originally thought and
there is very little cash coming in. frankly I assure you we are as disappointed as you.

T: but you told me that housing prices always go up and that your borrowers can
refinance their mortgages.

S: yeah that was a bad assumption. We fucked up sorry.

T:bad assumption! My frigid norweign AFF. What about the AAA rating from the
agencies?

S: they fucked up too.

T:but this security was insured. What about the insurers?

S: are you kidding. There is no way they have enough money set aside to cover this mess.
They fucked up.

T:well that’s just great bloody affhole. What am I suppose to tell my villagers?
S: tell them you fucked up.

T:fuck you.

S. fuck you.

END THE ROLE PLAY WITH THE SONG – KABHIE NAHI…..

SOME IMORTANT ACTIONS THAT WE CAN INCLUDE DURING THE PLAY:

1. sipping tea
2. putting off a cigarette
3. seeing the time

SONGS THAT WE CAN PLAY IN THE BACKGROUND:

1. jai jai money
2. dard-e-disco
3. KABHIE NAHI

CAN WE ADD A SCENE WHERE IN ONE OF THE CHARACTERS SWITCH ON

THE TV TO KNW MORE ABT THE CRISIS….

collateralized debt obligations (CDOs) - huge baskets of mortgage securities.