About two thousand years ago, we, the Madicrians, came from the very North of Gaia.

Her fontanella as a matter of fact. We had to leave our beautiful, if cold, country. There
were 5 million of us. We were a very advanced country, and we had developed our own
science based on precious Stones and Crystals. And the Makuna Bean. Our island home
we called Madicri. It stems from the words Makuna, Diamond and Crystal.
Since we lived so far North on Gaia, our World, we had to pay special attention to our
harvests. Our Spring and Summer were very short..

I will tell you the story of the Bean. There was a little boy, Jack, who went on an errand
for his Mother. He was supposed to exchange butter for some beans for his Father to sow.
Jack was not only very cute, he was open and friendly and always ready for a laugh and a
joke. He was seven years old. The man with whom he made the exchange liked little Jack.
He was an inventor, experimenting with the different sorts of beans. He gave Jack a
handfull of his latest experiment plus of course the beans he had changed his butter for.
Happily Jack ran home to his Mother. He gave her the beans for planting, then he told his
Mother about the experimental beans and asked his Mother if he could plant and care for
them. His Mother said: Sure Jack, but do you think you will remember to do it ¿ I will,
said Jack and went to a little clearing in the woods, not far from his house. There he
planted his beans. For a week he looked after them, but ,then he forgot them.

Winter came, long, dark and cold. The bean plants had sprouted, grown tall and beautifully
green and rich in foliage. When Autumn came the bean slowly faded away, the rich green
leaves fell to the ground, and rotted away. Then Winter came and covered the ground with
its pure white blanket. Jack had completely forgotten that he had even been given the
experimental beans.
When the weak Sun finally started melting the thick blanket of snow and ice , and little
streams started to gurgle under it, a new hope sparkled in the chilly air. Spring was
coming. With Spring and Sun the forgotten beans started to sprout. More and frondier than
last year.
But nobody noticed them. The Seasons changed again and aga5n.

For seven years the beans grew and grew, until one day they grew over the forest in hight.
That day as little Jack, now 14 years old and not so little any more,looked up at the sky to
admire the cloud formations, as was his habit, when he saw what at first he could not
understand, but then it slowly dawned on him.The surrounding ground and the beans were

1
immensely high. He bent down and took up a hand full of earth. It was thick, rich and
black. To Jack it looked like the best possibe earth.
Jack ran home to his Mother to tell her and show her what had happened to his beans. She
was flabbergasted.
Soon everybody in Madicri had planted whatever land was free ,without cutting down any
trees, with the Magic Bean.The experimenter was pleased as you can imagine.

14 years later, when Madicri was a green and prosperous island, it was invaded by a
strange sullen people and the Madicrians decided that they did not want to live among
these unfriendly folks. There were meetings among the Elders and it was decided that they
would board their carbonfibre longboats as soon as Spring arrived.
With them they took their Makuna Beans, Seeds, their Diamonds and their Crystals, their
Wisdom and their Knowledge. And started paddling.

During the years they were looking for a new home , they stopped in many a place, but s
there were always peoples, some unfriendly and some hostile
Three years after they set out , they came to an island that seemed to be empty. And there
was water. Plenty of water. Water falls, Lakes, Rivers and Streams. It was marvellously
beautiful. A typical case of the one who looks, finds. And the Madicrians had finally found
a place to stay.
This was about two thousand years ago.

The Madicrians planted their sandy island with the Makuna Bean.The soil became very
fertile. The Magic Makuna Bean fertilized the soil better than a barnful of cows could have
done. And soon the fortunate new inhabitants could grow lots of new Seeds and Nuts, that
had drifted ashore . Plus all the ones they had brought with them. The climate was much
warmer than they were used to as they were so much further South.. In a few short years
the island was fully cultivated. Irrigation ditches had been built in order to supply the new
fields with sufficient water. Trees had been planted between the fields to make sure that if
there were torrential rains the topsoil would not disappear.
They called their new island home Makuna. And themselves the Jacks

Makuna was a blown out fire mountain. It was very high, with its peak in hazy clouds.
Standing on the top of Makuna looking around you, ,beyond the fields, Trees,
Ponds,Lakes, Waterfalls, Rivers and Streams all you could see was the Sea. On all sides. It
was so far away from land that strangers never laid eyes on it. Makuna was, and is, green
and beautiful and today invisible.

The Jacks had decided to start to count time anew, when they arrived in their paradise. As
I said before the Jacks are intelligent people and knew how to read the stars. When they
had been invaded in Madicri they were not really surprised, as they had seen signs in the
immense sky of planets in disharmony, and that trouble was ahead.

2
For two thousand years they lived in Peace and Harmony and developed their Scienses,
and by the year 1946 when I was born, the Island of Makuna could not been seen, neither
from Space nor Sea. A shield had been invented involving Crystals and other Precious and
semi precious Stones.
I am not a Scientist so I can not tell you how they did it.

The Energy that we use for our every day tasks, and for other things that need Energy as
well, we collect from Lightning.
On top of Makunas highest Mountain top we have constructed an enormous Pyramid. First
we, or should I say they, as I can hardly include myself in something that took place nearly
two thousand years ago, flattened the top of the Mountain, to the extent that it could be
flattened. It was a volcano, a sleeping one but never-the-less a volcano. A major
ingenering job took place. The Volcano had to be given new breating holes,nostrils, as it
were. We did not want to choke and strangle the Volcano that had once, so long ago,
created our home.
First two paralel walls were built in 90 degree angles to each other. This square had
neither bottom nor top, just the four walls. With a hole half way up each wall. Inside this
square they, the Jacks, built a cylinder. This cylinder also had four holes to coinside with
the ones in the square, only a little higher up.Inside these two goemetrical shapes a
Pyramid was built. With the apex facing down into the mouth of the volcano. This
Pyramid also had four breathing holes in the same place as the square and the cylinder,
only a little higher.
So now you have an idea of what our forefathers undertook. Admittedly it was easier
than it sounds as the knew how to make the enormous blocks of stone levitate. Just as the
ancient Egyptians did. We, as they, used sound to make the stones weightless. Sound was
also used to direct and place the stones where they should go.
Into the side of the Mountain tunnels were made in diagonal connecting to the empty
spaces between the square, the cylinder and the Pyramid. These were the new nostrils of
our dear Volcano. We did not want it to wake up one fine day and find that it could not
breath and shake itself, thinking that stones and moss had covered its breathing holes, get
annoyed and blow.
I really don´t know if this interests you, but here goes. Two thirds from the peak of the
Pyramid, the whole thing being solid stone, passageways or tunnels from all four sides of
the Pyramid were built at upwards sloaping ( seen from the bottom of the Pyramid )
angles, which met right smack in the middle. Here a huge Diamond was placed. Later
when I have described the whole structure I´ll get back to this Diamond.
Now that the bottom part of the Pyramid was built, the next step I was told was the top
part of the construction. Placed smack on top of the Pyramid, with it´s apex way inside the

3
Mountain, the mirror image of the Pyramid was built. Only the passage ways were
different. These passageways were built paralel to the other ones. Also two thirds from the
apex. Another Diamond was placed where these four roads met.
Protruding from this Pyramid there was a huge spiral antenna sort of thing.
This antenna was and is a Lightning catcher.The reason it is a spiral is that Energy
multiplies as it rushes down the copper spiral. In other words it makes the Energy more
potent.
We have plenty of big Thunder Storms in Autumn and Winter and the Lightning strikes
this antenna and leads the Energy into the Pyramid, where it is stored. This way we have
enough Energy to last us for the whole year. And it is clean Energy. Energy given by
Nature and gratefully accepted by us. We have no pollution at all.
You might think that we have cables running from the Pyramid to our houses. Well, in that
case you would be mistaken. No cables, neither above nor below ground. Nor do we have
Energy waves in the Air, like the Egyptians did.Giza was the equivalent of todays
electrical Works. We do not think that is healthy. Instead we have domestic Pyramids,
each house hold has it´s own. When the Energy level has reached two thirds from the
bottom we take them to be recharged in charging station.
My guess is that you guys don´t know an awful lot about Pyramids, so I´ll just give you a
few hints of the potentiality of them. You can leave a razor blade at 2/3 from the apex and
use it every day for the rest of your life. That´s just on little ability the Pyramid has. Do
you wonder that the Pharaoes used them for being buried in.These people found the
Pyramids,that were not that easy to hide, they did not build them, in spite of what carbon
14 dating says.

If we had too many thunderstorms and lightning, the Pyramid might fill up and we would
have a disaster on our hands. Much like what happened in Atlantis and Egypt. Since
Atlantis is gone we cannot be sure of the all around consequences. We know that there is
no more Atlantis, but we do not know what really happened, nor do we know what
Atlantis was really like, nor the Atlanteans for that matter. But we can be with Egypt. Just
look at what it looks like around the Pyramids. Not a Plant nor a Flower in sight. The land
is so burnt out that you could almost imagine that Attilas horses had been there. Of course
the Egyptians used Solar power not lightning. Ra, remember, the Sungod. Their Pyramids
were covered with an absorbing material. Ours were not, instead we used an isolating
material. To keep the Energy in, as it were.
When the christians arrived on the scene and started building cathedrals, they used a lot of
the measurement that the Pyramids contained. All the biggest cathedrals are built on
tellurial power points, just like the Pyramids. And still the Pyramidic enigma has never
been solved. For many, many thousand of years humans have tried to understand the
Pyramids, but so far only a fraction of the Knowledge has been glimpsed.
The Mayans for instance describe the 5 ages of the Sun in their Pyramids.. They , the
Mayans, started counting their time in 3113 BC when Venus toppled due to a Cosmic
accident. The Mayans were also an advanced people who tried to leave us in heritage the

4
Knowledge of our Sun´s power over us and how we should read It´s behavior to
understsand our own system better. Do we ?
Did you know that our Sun gives off 12 different types of radiation which translates into
12 different genetic mutations, this in it´s turn forms 12 basic personality types. And what
do you have ? The Zodiac. This is called Astrogenetics. Of course it is all a lot more
complicated than this, as are the Pyramids and life itself, for crying out loud, which I guess
all of us feel like doing at times. Some do, but they usually get locked away.
Maybe we should listen more often to the locked- away ones. They often have insights that
many of us wished we had.
I knew one who said that each time there is a cataclysm a different way of life was born
that would eventually lead to self destruction. I don´t think us humans are very smart,
rather very stupid.
Before we go on to the Diamonds there is something that many of us wonder about. The
why of the words hu-man and wo-man. What do hu and wo mean and in what language.?
Todays man thinks he is so advanced and intelligent. We think that we are just part of an
other self destructing cycle, due to our inability to use the insides of our skulls. The
outside we have dominated perfectly, we hang a hat on it or fill it with plastic curlers.
Right, I was supposed to tell you about the functions of the Diamonds. If we ever have an
excess of Energy it would and does flow out through the Diamonds. So the Diamonds are
like the top of a preassure cooker.. When the Pyramid is too full the Diamonds light up,
like laser beams, and the surplus Energy disappears back into space.
Each time a Lightning strikes the antenna the Diamonds light up for a brief moment.
This is the way of the Jacks to let other beings of light in outer Space know where we are.
We call these avenues of light the highways to Earth, Gaia´s own information Grapevine.
This is also one way for the Space flotilla to charge their boats with the generated Energy
of Diamonds. These Energy beams also charge the Van Allen belt with very high and
purified Energy. We call it Diamond radiation. The flotillas from other Galaxies come to
the Van Allen belt to take advantage of this high power Diamond radiation. When the
space ships enter our atmosphere they transform the Diamond radiation into what to us
seems like steam. In other words they look like clouds when we see them in the Sky. Often
you can see these clouds change forms. This is the way our friends from outer Spaces joke
with us
Our Gaia is also powered by the Van Allen belt. As more and more of Gaia´s own Energy
is robbed from Her, petroleum, coal etc, She gets more tired every day. Each barrel of
petroleum takes some of Her stamina away. You can´t really blame Her, if your blood was
drained little by little you would also get tired. We are trying to prevent Gaia from
throwing in the towel from pure exhaustion. We give Her back the Energy, through
Diamond radiation, that others steal from Her.

The only contact we had with the outside World was through our Crystals. We knew
everything, if we were interested in knowing, about the rest of the World, but they did not
even know that we existed.

5
I had a lovely childhood. Our Schools are different from yours, as we have the help of our
Crystals and Pyramids to learn. Also we learn about different things than you do. For us
Mathematics are essential, because we think that Cosmos, the Universe, call it what you
like, is a Mathematical fenomenon. This we call Cosmovision.
We learn about how to keep healthy, and we learn how to heal.
We learn that all our acts and longstanding thoughts have consequences.
That Love is the most important thing.
And that working together makes us better.
Tomorrow I will continue to tell you the story of Makuna.

I will tell you one of our big secrets; by consensus and by common sense nobody has more
than 2 children. Though we have lived on Makuna for over two thousand years we are still
5 million people. And we know how to make ourselves invisible. We do not abuse of this
Knowledge ever. I´ll tell you later on how that works. We are all brought up with a bright
out look on life. We are positive optimists, all of us. Sounds like a fairy tale, does it not?

Our buildings, that are no taller than 7 metres, are built in Harmony with Nature. In other
words, they blend so well into their surroundings, that when it is dark you can barely see
them.Our house, that is where my Mother and I lived, was a rounded A shaped structure,
in the dark you could have mistaken it for a Fir tree,with the roof coming all the way down
to the ground. The sides were made of Crystal and carbon fibre. It looks like a slightly
seven sided cone. Sides and roof being the same thing, only the roof, the upper part of the
sides, has a garden planted on it. Naturally the second layer of the roof, the one after the
Crystal and carbon fibre, was made of inter woven weeds so that even in the hardest rain
the garden did not slide down. My best friend´s, Harvest´s house was dug and carved into
a Mountain side, with the whole front of the house made in Crystal. My neighbour´s house
was as round as the Moon, this house had two floors. It was completely made from
Crystal, and of course, as is our habit , overgrown with Flowers. Every year the windows
had to be cut out of the greenery. The advantage of this is that you can change the place of
these windows every time you feel like it.
Other houses were cone shaped, others were, and are, shaped like Trees or Mushrooms
Anything goes, as long as it is in Harmony with Nature. You can either design your own
house or ask a more experienced person to help you. The way I carry on about how
Lovely and fantastic everything is on Makuna, and how splendid the Jacks are, you
probably think that we don´t even go to the toilet. Well, we do, but... I bet you knew there
was going to be a but. But our toilets are organic. Instead of generating stinking residues,
it creates beautiful black soil.

Our roads also blend in with their surroundings. On what would be the South side the
roads go through arch ways of greenery. This greenery is usually Makuna Beans. It can get

6
awfully hot in the Summer, and that is when the Bean is at its thickest. It keeps out most of
the heat.
Our cars, that look more like golf carts than actual cars, are Crystal driven and run no
faster than 50 kilometres an hour. What´s the rush? There is a 5 metre stretch between
coming and going cars, planted with Flowers.
The Leaves that fall off in Autumn become soil. Each year our Island home is more
beautiful and greener.
But Autumn brings a lot of work. That´s fine, I for one like to work, the harder the better.
Within my limits of course.

Then Winter comes, with cooler Winds, never cold, thankfully, and angry Waves. That is
the time of the year when we renew any broken furniture, weave new cloth and fix up and
often change our homes. We change, not all of us of course, but some, the places of the
windows, and make new things to decorate our Spaces. In general we get ready for the
new year, that for us begins the day of the Spring Equinox. Another Circle of life starts.

We celebrate our Spring Feast and the coming of the new year with theatre plays, singing,
dancing and generally being Happy. We make an enormously high pole, which we crown
with our biggest Diamond, that is as big as one of your footballs. This Diamond is to
welcome the Sun and the new Life that She brings with Her. And also the Diamond gets
charged with with the Healing Power of the Universe and Cosmic Energy, which we
gratefully use. This beautiful Diamond serves another purpose as well. We use it to
communicate with other inhabited Planets. Well, I don´t, because I would not know how
to do it. Our scientists do though. Somehow they, the scientists, use Lightning passing
through this Diamond to contact other living creatures far out in Space.
The pole itself has thousands of Flowers wound around it. We also decorate our clothes
and our hairs with Flowers. We have huge communal meals, based mainly on the Makuna
Bean. It is after all thanks to the Magic Bean that our Island is as otherWorldly beautiful as
it is, and that we are as healthy as we are.
We make enormous loaves of Makuna bread, we have Makuna drinks.Yummy.
This drink is made up with new born Makuna leaves and equally new born Weed leaves.
To this we add the Leaves of a Tree we call Meej. This Tree is a hybrid, created by our
scientists. It was originally a Neem Tree into which a branch of a Marijuana tree was
grafted. The Meej is a highly curative Tree. It has the calming effect of the Marijuana and
the curing effect of the Neem. The Neem Tree in itself is one of the most medicinal Trees
that exists on Gaia. Did you know that by chewing five newborn Leaves every morning it
can cure even the strongest of addictions. It grows in India. It purifies your blood and your
organs. With the Marijuana graft the Meej is not only curative but also very relaxing, and
it makes you in a good mood. If you smoke a few puffs it calms your pains, supposing
you have pains. Smoking the Meej Leaves can also give you the giggles and the munchies.
We sweeten the drink, each according to her or his taste with a Nectar that the Nectar
collector has extracted from our multitude of Flowers. Each year the Nectar seems to be

7
sweeter and Airier. We have noticed that the better we care for Nature the kinder She is to
us.
Right, I have got off the track again. I was supposed to tell you about the food we eat on
Makuna. Besides the bread we have lots of varieties of vegetables. They are the same but
still different from yours. They taste, just like the Nectar, Airier. I think this is because the
Cycle of Nature takes her own course We do not try to hasten Her. We also change what
we grow on each plot every year, so that we do not exhaust the Earth by drawing out, year
after year, the same Minerals. By the way, you should taste our Potatoes. And Tomatoes.
Not to talk about the Carrots. They are like the most exquisite sweets. As a matter of fact
we use them for our meals and for sweets. We also eat Flowers, some as they are, others
we fry in Nectar. We have Flowers for sweets, in salads and also in our food.
In the beginning, two thousand years ago, when we first arrived, we lived mostly on
turtle. Both the eggs and the Mother.Turtles and birds are the only animals we have. The
turtle shells we made into bowls and pots. We nearly did away with the species. As soon
as the Makuna Bean gave us enought to eat, we let the poor Turtles alone. We still eat
turtle, but in moderation. And Fish, we eat a lot of Fish.
The root of the Makuna Bean is Medicinal. Actually it is the most used Medicin on
Makuna. Every part of our fantastic Beans has Healing properties I had better stop before
this turns into a cooking book. One more thing, it really is true what many of your
alternative (for lack of a better word) doctors tell you. You are what you eat. The right
food grown in the right way makes your Spirit soar.

Another thing that have kept us healthy through the millenia is that we walk barefoot. All
the nerves from our organs end in the feet. Walking barefoot give our feet constant
massages. Flatfootedness for instance is cured by walking barefoot in the sand, which we
have plenty of. And no flatfooters on Makuna.
Due to the multitude of colorful Flowers we are always submitted to color therapy, which
might account for some of our cheerfulness. On Makuna there is nothing black. There are
no black Flowers , there simply is nothing that is black.

Now I am so far off the track that I had better get back on it. We were celebrating the
beginning of a new Cycle
This is the biggest Feast of the year. We have lots of other Feasts as well. Any oppotunity
to celebrate is good, at least in my book.

The next Feast on the agenda is the Summer Feast.

This is a Water Feast. We take out our Longboats, would you believe that they are still
basically the same Longboats as two thousand years ago? Of course we have had to touch
them up a bit through the centuries. Carbon fibre is a very strong and resistent material.
Along with some of the Longboats, we take out lots of small boats, that we have for
fishing and enjoyment.The boats belong to all of us and we can use them when we feel
like it. We all look after them and we all have fun with them.

8
Back to the Feast .All the boats are decorated with greenery and red Flowers. We have
hundereds of different red blooms. This explosion of color is bound to form arches from
side to side across the boats. We sit on soft pillows on the floors, shaded by flaming red
and healing green. We set out at Sunrise across the transparent, cool blue Waters with the
colors reflected on the mirrorlike surface . It is so beautiful that there is a hushed Silence
as we contemplate the Sun rising red above the Horizon
Everybody has his own paddle, to fit her or his hand, and we paddle from town to town.
We devide ourselves so that the ones that go to Moon Bay go on a boat that goes to Moon
Bay, and so on, like your buses.
Moon Bay is a fairly big town of about three hundred thousand people.The town I come
from is smaller. It only has two hundred thousand. It is called Fir Town. Guess why¡
Back to the party.There are fun and games in every village and township. And food.
Actually we eat like pigs, if we had them. This goes on until the Sun rises the following
day. The next day is holiday.

Then Autumn announces Its arrival in falling Leaves and fading Flowers, and hard work..
We do just that. We work very hard. Gentle Breezes stir the the Leaves, colored in the
most beautiful shades of red, orange, yellow and brown. A warm light filters through the
almost transparent Leaves. It really is not difficult to be Happy and in conseqence work
well.
You see you guys in your World, when you understand simple Truths like this you will be
much more productive, which regrettably has to be your main aim. Where was I? Oh yes.
Autumn. All the fading greenery is dumped in huge holes in the Earth that have been dug,
all over our Island. There it rots, together with household wastage to turn into the best
black soil. Ready for Spring planting.
When the work is done we have another big Feast. This time in Homage to the Seasons.
To Infinite Knowledge.
This Feast is celebrated outdoors under the stars, as are most of our Feasts, only this time
we have huge circles of poles, that have cloth around . This cloth is woven in the Colors of
Autumn. These Colors give a feeling of warmth and closeness. We can truly feel that we
are, all of us, one big extended Family. Even the more unpleasant ones, did you think
everybody is nice on Makuna?, no such luck, seem nicer in this warm and cosy light. Then
it is the usual eating, drinking and singing, dancing and what ever tickles your fancy.

The next Feast is very different, because it is now Winter. There is less Sun light and for a
shorter time. What we need is Light. The Feast takes place in the middle of December.
We do not usually write the months with big letters, this is for your benefit. This is a time
when Nature is transparent. The Trees no longer have Leaves and there is a certain
crispness to the Air. The landscape is much bleeker, there are not many Flowers around.
When you walk around you feel lighter, almost like your toes barely touch the ground. I
feel like a Fairy in the Winter. You might think I am a bit of a wierdo, but I know how to

9
get weightless, and how to reduce my volume and become the size of a Fairy. In other
words, I had mastered zero gravity.
In the cool, crisp Winter Air, early in the Morning and at Sunset I like to hover over the
lakes, and mingle with my name sakes. Fairies do not talk, we communicate by feelings.
Fairies are not as complicated as are human beings. There is nothing more relaxing and
elevating than moving over the cold dark Lakes and among the scented needle Trees ,
listening to the Silence of Night. I like to move from Lake to Lake feeling the Universe.
Almost like you do when you Windsurf
Right, I was going to tell you about our midWinter Feast.This Feast takes place on the
longest nights of the year. Of course there are lots of parties where everybody can go, but
this Feast is normally celebrated in the intimacy of our homes. It is a Light Feast, where
millions of candles are burnt. Candles in windows, doorways, candles hanging on poles ,
candles in trees. Makuna is lit by candles for the three days the Feast lasts. As usual there
is a lot of eating and all the rest.
The Music we play on Makuna is mostly Wind Music and drums. Our instruments are
made of hollowed wood. But we also use the Wind itself for making Music. We place our
instruments in the direction of the Wind and let Nature make Its Music for us. On days that
are very Stormy we have to turn away our Musical instruments from the Wind, because
the sound can be overwhelming.
When Midnight arrives on the first day we all make Winter Water Status. Might sound
complicated, but it is not. What we do is melt a substance that is similar to you plastic,
only we do not have petroleum on Makuna and so no plastic either. This is a Mineral that
melts at a certain heating point. When it has melted ,each of us, only the ones that want to
of course, throw the amount of a Water glassful of this liquid into a big bowl of cold
Water. When the Mineral hits the Water it freezes, and you have your Winter Water
Statue. Next step is trying to interpret it. Smooth shiny surfaces mean Health and
contentment, possibly even Happiness. Spikey protrudings mean anger, clusters can mean
unsettled affairs and it can also mean illness. Then you take your WWS and see the
shadows it makes. If your Intuition is good you can become a fortuneteller on the long
dark Nights that the Feast lasts.

Harvest and I Loved Spring. We used to lie on our stomachs at Dawn and Dusk in Autumn
and Spring and watch the Fairis and the Elves and other Creatures of Nature. There was
always a fine, cloudy mist lingering just above the Ground. The Fairies wings have all the
colors of the Rainbow, that glimmer in the early morning Sun rays. They like us watching
them, they dance for us and play little tricks on each other to make us laugh. And we
Love watching them.

We go to school most days, that is when we are not needed anyplace else. You see, we all
lend a hand when it comes to Caring for our Island home.

10
When we are in school we choose more or less what we want to study. This is of course
when we have mastered Geometrics, Chemistry, Languages, Physics and a heap of other
things.
Our Science, as I might have mentioned, is based on the Carbon Atom, in its innumerable
forms. But we also have to study Science your way. Thankfully the Crystals help us to
learn quickly, and to remember.

We consider Living a school, and as we are all brought up in that Spirit, nobody
complains. We also all have to learn basic Medicine, be it Herbal or the Laying of hands,
Crystal Healing, the Pendulum, Inhaling therapy ( Flower smelling ) or what-have-you.
There is another thing that we learn in our schools that is essential, not only to us, but to
mankind in general.
This is to have a goal in Life. When you are a young child, your goals are childish, as they
should be, after all that is what you are. Say at 3 you decide to learn how to ride a bike.
That´s easy. When you have accomplished that ,well, then you might want permission to
go for a longer ride, for an adventure. You have to convince your Mother that you are
responsible enough to join your friend Harvest on a ride around the neighborhood. This
might take longer, but eventually, by showing, through your acts, that this is the case, you
gain her permission. This is of course just a small example, and mine to top it off. Since
we are taught to exercise our brain cells and accordingly our memories, I still remember
these things. Hopefully I will not forget , at least not until I have taught my future children.
There is a danger with goals though. One that I did not learn. I will tell you about it and
maybe that way prevent you from making the same mistakes.
If you put your goals too high, the deception is very big if you fail. Sometimes unbearable.
One of my Dreams was that my children would always have a Father. Nothing wrong with
this Dream, except that, to use an expression of yours, it takes two to tango. I don´t know
how I could possibly forget that little fact. Arrogance? My excuse is that I was Love
blind. And that we are taught. Love is blind. And that you should take your time, when it
comes to a decision as important as having children. First you should like the person, then
Love her or him and then if the sex is good, it is a bonus. And if it is not so good , it can be
worked on , if there is Love.
Then there is another point that makes the act of sex different for a woman and a man. A
man´s sexual organs are exterior, like a hand or a foot. Just look at the places you put your
hands or worse, your feet. You step in spit and animal pee and so on. A woman´s organs
are interior, hidden, like her thoughts and her Soul. When a woman lets a man into her
thoughts or Soul or vagina, she surrenders a small part of herself. She often thinks that the
man feels the same intimacy and sharing as she does. For us on Makuna sex is like
football. It is fun.The women of Makuna protect themselves against unwanted pregnancies
with special herbs.
On with the story.
Again I will use myself as an example. My Dream, when I was young, too young, only 22,
was to change the World. Your World. Into a better place......

11
Harvest and I, by the way my name is Emerald Fairy, because my hair is green and so are
my eyes and nails and what little I had in the way of eyebrows as well, were inseparable as
we grew up. We played together, studied together and got up to a lot of mischief together.
At this stage I should tell you that we have got 3 sexual orientations on Makuna. The
traditional child bearing orientation, woman and man, then there are men who prefer men
and women who prefer women. The last 2 orientations often take in children whose
parents have broken up.
Anyway sex as an action is very liberal on Makuna. We experiment a lot before we make
up our minds to make a home together.
Often we ask the Trolls that live high up on the Mountains for advice, but they are not
infallible. They make mistakes, as all of us do. Our Trolls are big, sometimes over two
and a half meters tall. They have big noses and huge pointed ears. They are much rounder
in shape than us humans. Their feet and hands are also big and they are hairy all over. The
Trolls are very soft and tender beings. They Love children and children Love them. They
live in Natural caves in the mountainside. Our Trolls have only one child a family,because
they grow very old, over two hundred years old. They dress in bright colors and they
Love gold. They have enormous golden earrings and nose rings. We have five Troll
families on Makuna.

There is one thing we all have in common and that is travelling in the Astral. Harvest and I
used to travel together all around the World. We would take a map and pick out where we
would go next time. When you are young,up until you are 23 it is only your Soul that
travels. But on your 23rd birthday you get the gift of Vibrational control, so that you can
take your body with you, if you choose to.
Harvest and I chose to from the days we turned 23. When you have brought the luggage ,
your body with you, you have to work in order to eat. Harvest and I have worked in many
a country, Sometimes it was hard and sometimes it was easy, like Life itself.
Harvest was of a different sexual orientation than I. He was of the man-man orientation,
and I was woman-man orientation. But there was never any competition, there was enough
to go around for both of us. Sometimes I wonder if there is not a reason for the man-man
and woman-woman orientations. Part of evolution, sort of thing. As yet two men or two
women cannot have children. This of course keeps the population down.

Two of the big religions in your World proclaim as many children as possible. Should not
the representatives of these religions make sure that the parents who faithfully follow
those convictions ensure that the children born, often one a year, have food and schooling.
Instead what I see are children suffering for their parents religion. And parents demanding
the right to live, and continue breeding children as if they were pigs, often in countries that
practice birth control.

On with the story;

12
But, there always has to be a but, doesn´t there?
When, and if, you abuse of the Vibrational gift you loose it. Just like that. By the time you
are 23 it is supposed that you know and understand what can be done, and what can´t.

Also, we realise that there is good and bad in everyone, and that the bad is very easily
brought out, whereas the good often has to been drawn out with a pair of dentists pliers.Of
course we had had 23 years of training. Not in surpressing, because we understand that
surpressing is not the answer. When you surpress things, what ever it is that you are
keeping inside you, it has to get out. It might come in the form of boils or a runny nose, a
sore throat, or much, much worse, like a cancer.
So instead we are taught to channel our lower feelings and draw them out. Each in a way
that suits the person in question. The diagnosis of our illnesses are made by the Pendulum,
I think I said that before.
All in all it works pretty well. But maybe not as well as it should. We also have our bad
people. Just like everywhere else. I probably have made Makuna sound too good to be
true.

As we have very good Astronomers and Astrologers, and the birth of every child is
charted, when the Horoscope indicates that child might have a difficult time, this child is
given special attention and care.
This means that when a child such as myself is born under the sign of Scorpio, this is just a
small example, the innate stubborness is gently led onto other roads. It was explained and
shown to me why things , what ever they might be, cannot be the way I want. Our brain
cells are put into exercise when we are only a few months old. Another thing that plays a
big role in the future of a child is when she is concieved. Each planet rules over a part of
the body. Say you are concieved in the sign of Cancer, the Moon,, which rules the lungs,
liver and stomach, you have to pay attention to illnesses that might aflict these zones of
your body. You also have to be careful that you do not let, for instance anger, the seat of
anger is the liver, rule your life.
I don´t want to sound like we are a super people or some such thing. Anybody can do it, it
´s just not the way most Parents have chosen to do things over in your World. But take my
word for it. It works. I pray and hope

I seem to get sidestepped all the time. What was I talking about?
Oh, yes now I remember what it was.
I was going to tell you about our equivalent to your Marijuana. We smoke it too. And we
Love it. We grow our own stuff, just as each household grows his own Bean and what ever
else takes her or his fancy.
You guys have your alcohol, we have also tried that but rejected it, we have our Weed,
when we want to float. Thankfully we do not have your horrible hard drugs. Our Weed,
just like your Marijuana, is not addicting. On the contrary, it is creating.Of course there is

13
a trick to it, as there is to most things. With Marijuana and the Weed you put yourself in
the mood for ,say listening. Then you sit down and, hast du mir gesehen, you can hear
things and sounds you had never heard before or at least never listened to before. That is
just an example. You could just as well decide to do Yoga or paint, anything really.
Whatever you decide you will enjoy more and do better after having a small, see the word
small? smoke.

We have our own version of football too. I don´t know if you are interested, but I´ll tell
you anyway.
There are two teams of 5 players each ( did you know that 5 is the number of
communication? ). They stand at opposite ends of a Field and kick the ball in zig-zag to
each other. The one who misses becomes the last in the line until the next one misses and
so on. The idea is for the ball always to be in motion. You yourself chooses how far away
from your opposite on the contrary team you stand. As the zig-zag line constantly changes
when someone misses, well it just never gets boring, if you like football, that is.
I personally prefer Sports on Water or in the Air. But that is a matter of choice. There are
lots of Sports to choose from. Or make up your own.

There is one more thing that makes our Life easier than yours. We do not worship any God
as you do. Instead we pay Homage to Nature, in all Her shapes. We Love the Beauty of
Nature in all the forms She takes. Also when She is angry. She, just like us has to let out
Her feelings, and not repress them. We have noticed though that the more conflicts and
wars you guys have, the angrier Gaia gets. Can´t really say I blame her. Just look at all the
crap you let out of your factories, cars, bombs and hate. And on the other hand look at
what Gaia has given you, us. A Paradise. And you want to ruin it. Small wonder Gaia is
protesting in a thousand ways. And still you guys either don´t hear Her or are simlpy too
thick to understand. Sorry about that, but I get so pissed off. How is it possible with all the
clever people there are that the rest is too stupid to listen.
Maybe you should read your own Holy Book. I think something about false Gods are
mentioned there. Why can´t you understand that these Holy Books give you very clear
guide lines how you should do things.
And worse you are deaf, when you are told.
Remember the story about Sodom and Gomorra in your Holy Book?
Don´t worry, I am not about to turn moralistic on you. No. It now appears that this, what
you were taught was a warning to be monogamous and heterosexual, was instead a
warning of attraction. Let me explain myself. Take gravity, for instance. Gravity is what
makes us stay on Earth. It attracts us to Earth. Well, if your thoughts are (the thoughts of
the whole population ),on thrusting and slamming bodyparts into each others
cavities,violence and brutality, morning, day and night, well it would be almost logical
that you attract the same sort of banning and slamming to yourselves. Imagine that there is
a band or film holding our Atmosphere to Gaia. You know, so that we can live and
breathe. When all those violent thrusting thoughts reach the outer limits of this band-film,
they in turn attract the same sort of violence from outer Space. And then, what have you

14
got? Violence hitting you back. If you take a close look at the word violence, you see that
the letters for evil and vile but also the word live. Makes you think, right? Like you
choose, what do you want ; to live or vile evil ?
It is more or less the same thing with most illnesses. Long standing thoughts and their
consequences.

When you have a lot of anger, failure or disappointment mulling around in your mind, it is
always in there. Even when you do your best to think about other things, it is still there,
eating away at your body through your mind. You mind gets dark and confused and you
think unpleasant, maybe even hateful thoughts. You are incapable of straightening your
back, of breathing in transparent, clean Air. All you get into your lungs are the dirty
thoughts of your sick mind. You cannot smell the smell of the Jasmine or the Mimosa for
lack of the will to do so. Your clogged- up mind does not percive the uplifting smell of the
sweetest Flower. You wallow in your own pain or failure or disappointment, you swim in
the thick, pulsating grayness of self pity. It almost starts to feel good to be sick. You start
to enjoy the pain. Before long you get physically ill. Your liver goes. Or your heart. Or
kidneys. If you do not get a hold of yourself, you might even die in horrible agony.
This of course is the time to sit down with yourself or with someone who Loves you and
try to find the cause of these negative feelings. Why are you so angry. What is the cause of
this feeling. If you are honest with yourself, sooner or later you figure out what is eating
away at you. Writing it down often also helps. Once you have discovered why you are so
sad or hurt or angry, you are already on your way to recovery. You have found the cause.
This cause can even be a figment of your imagination. Often we need help to understand
these obscure thoughts.
I will give you an example. Say your Father has found another woman and no longer cares
for you the way he used to. You feel hurt at first, then you start to feel anger, in an
instinctive act of self preservation. You start to wish that his new woman will leave him.
You get obsessed by this thought. You need his Love. You hate the woman. You are
jealous and envious of her. When you wake in the night your first thought is of this
woman. If this goes on too long, you also loose your confidence. Why does he not Love
me any more? What have I done for him to forget me? And then in sneakes other negative
thoughts, called by this hate for your Father´s other woman. Maybe the fault is yours? This
evil Circle that you create gains momentum, attracts others with equally angry thoughts.
Your Circle of friends becomes larger. All these friends have grieviances, some real, some
figments of their negativity.

To break this Aura of blackness that surrounds you is not easy. Actually it is much easier
to feed it and let it grow and roll yourself in the hate or sadness or what-have-you that has
invaded your brain cells. And only you can cure yourself. The main thing though, is that
you DO have the ability to get out of it, IF you want to.
You see, just like Sodom and Gomorra. Remember Lot´s wife? Why did she look back?
Was this a sign that she would miss her life there? Maybe she did not really want to leave.
Your guess is as good as mine. Whatever it was, it cost her dear seconds.

15
Today the Dead Sea is the lowest point on Gaia, with great big formations of salt and
desolation.
Was this the consequence of your God´s anger or was it simply the attraction of likes??
Of Cosmic bodies of obsession being drawn to it´s like on Gaia?
Who can tell ?

I have to admit that from the out side it is easier to see these things. Of course we also
have the immesurable help of Flashes. These flashes of ours come when you least expect
them.
In my case it is often at Dawn when I hover above the mirrorclear lakes. All of sudden I
see an image before my eyes. I will give you an example. This incident happened at Dusk
in the Spring. I saw our Gaia inside a circle of gray smoke. From the Feeling this smoke
gave me of shivering foreboding, I knew that the concentric circle of grayness was evil.
An evil that went around the whole Planet. Nobody was safe. I told my Mother and she,
being a wise woman, was not surprised. She said that she had been feeling it for a long
time. I asked her if she thought there was anything we could do to demininsh this evil.
“ I think the only thing we can do is to be as good as possile, and by doing this ,we sort of
preach with the example,” my Mother said to me.
” And we must learn always to help others, even if these others at times seem unworthy of
the effort. Not an easy short order.”
At that time both of us started paying more attention to what was going on in your world.
As we had our gift of Astral travelling, we made use of it, often together, and sometimes
alone. I was very drawn to the Hippy movement, but I was still too young to take my body
with me, and so participate in corporea, as it were. I had to satisfy myself with being an
observer, until the day finally arrived and I turned 23.

What we both, my Mother, whose name is Pear Blossom and I, noticed was that now that
the war was over, the Berlin wall was down, and there was a real sense of Freedom, there
was also huge amounts of people who seemed to have lost their consciuosness. It was easy
to make money, there were opportunities all over the place, and ruthless people got very
rich.
On Makuna we are governed by our Elders, who know more, because they have more
experience, whereas in you world, the more money you have, the more power you have.
Power and wisdom hardly ever go hand in hand.
We saw the agresiveness increase, we saw your established religions fighting their own
war to capture Souls. We saw one religion in particular stop their childrens mental and
Spiritul growth. On purpose. We saw, though this was later, how all the governors of the
world allowed hard drugs to invade their streets. And all this for financial gain. We were
horrorized at the short sightedness of your leaders. Surely a child of six can imagine the
long term consequences of hard drug abuse. A sick nation, or as in this case a sick World,
with sick, incredibly rich rulers.

16
Look at the petro dollars. Do these billionaires care about Gaia? I think that is easy to
answer. NO
What about the petroleum that is taken out of Gaia.? What will happen to the balance and
to the weight of our Planet? The pollution and a disgracefully long etc. We feared for our
Gaia.

We saw the anger increasing, the injustice, the disappointment flearing and hate
overtaking Love. But this is in the future, at least from the point where we stand now. I
must not rush ahead.

When both Harvest and I had turned 23, we decided to leave Makuna, that I must admit,
both of us found a bit boring. We wanted more action than Makuna could give us.

We travelled in the Astral, to become corporate when we found a place to stay.

We started our lives anew, with jobs, flats to stay in and everything else that having a
body implies. It was as if we were 23 years behind everybody else. We were in a rush to
catch up. And catch up we did. The whole Hippy scene was ours, though it was in its final
stages. We loved the philosophy, it fit us like gloves, with our Makuna upbringing. Love,
Peace and Harmony. What could possibly be nicer. There were millions of us who thought
and felt the same. You could actually feel it in the Atmosphere.

For three years we travelled together, until one Sunny day, as we hit the shore, with the
boat we had hitched a ride in, I saw this cool looking guy on the sandy beach. He was
obviously Asian. Dark, with long black curls and dangerous looking. Remember I said I
had been a bit bored on Makuna. From the look of this guy, my boredom had come to an
end.
I moved in with him and my friend Harvest continued his travels.

The one thing I had always wanted was children. I got myself pregnant after what seemed
like ages trying. Don´t get me wrong, I did not mind the trying at all.
In May my Sunshine was born. I must have been the Happiest person on Earth. I had what
I had always wanted. My own Baby. While I Loved her to bits I noticed that the guy I was
living with was not what I had thought. He was cruel to Sunshine, and no better to me.
He made me believe that I was no good. That without him I would be lost. Now even
though I noticed these things, I was still in Love with him. I denied to myself what was in
front of my eyes.

17
I worked hard to keep my beautiful little Sunshine, and beautiful she was, and is, in food
and clothes. I even thought I was Happy. We lived on a beach in a small fishing village in
Southern Europe. There was no pollution, no cars, it was almost like Makuna. You might
ask me why I did not go back home. That is easily answered. I could not have taken my
man with me. With this I do not want to imply that we are elitist, but how would he have
gotten there. Makuna is invisible and there is no way to get there except by Astral
travelling. Needness to say my man did not know how to do that. Actually, though I was
madly in Love with him, I could see he was rather primitive. Remember the saying that
Love is blind. That is so true.

When my Sunshine was 4 years old and wanted to be with her little friends, rather than
with her Mother, I thought the time had arrived to have another little Life. Again I got
pregnant. I watched other women being pregnant and suffering all sorts of complaints. I
was so lucky, I had never felt better in my Life than during my pregnancies. Maybe
because I was so soaringly Happy.

At the end of June Stardust was born. My happiness was complete. I had the two most
beautiful, healthy and good Daughters anybody could ask for.

My man though was not getting better with time, rather the contrary. He now almost
openly had other women, and he spent our money gambling. We had a little hotel, still in
the South of Europe. I scrubbed and cleaned, shopped and washed, while he sat in bars,
and played cards or other games. For my scrubbing money. My friends told me to get rid
of him, but I in my ignorance thought that any Father was better than no Father. And I did
not get rid of him.
He must have heard the advice given to me, or he was just fed up with me, which ever the
case, he got rid of me. And worst of all, actually the worst thing that could have happened
to me, he kept my children. He had them locked in while he brain washed them in what a
horrible, useless Mother they had. As they were fairly young, they believed him. Still
today I cannot understand how this could have happened.
Life for me was not worth living. Without my Sunshine and my Stardust I was all but
dead. I tried to finish my self off in alcohol. Very nearly made it.
What went on with my Darling Daughters I did not, and still do not know.
Two years after throwing me out, the beast threw my Sunshine out. When she finally came
to me, she was a very damaged young lady of 13. And I did not help the situation by
continuing to drink. Sunshine tried to kill herself. With my sleeping pills.
I tried to get a hold of myself, but an addiction, and I was an addict to alcohol,is not that
easily cured. I started to have warning dreams. I saw myself underground, dragging my
feet, dirty and dribbling. Not only was Sunshines Life in question, buy my own as well. I
did my damn best to get a hold of myself.
Sunshine and I bought a small house, big enough for the 3 of us, just in case Stardust was
ready to join us. And she did. Now we were again a little Family. I was very Happy.

18
Sunshine was a little Happier, at least that is what it seemed like. She went back to school
and was a good student and a very good Daughter. If it wasn´t for her, I do not think I
could have got over the frightful pain I was feeling. I was wounded to the very core of my
Soul. He, the man I chose, was right. I was not good enough to be a Mother. I did not
deserve my Daughters. I was the trash of Earth. I should never have been born, the World
would have been a better place without me. Sunshine helped to see that all this was not
necessarily true. I had another chance to better my own and specially my childrens Lives.

But they were both of them as damaged as I was. There was no going back. We now had
to live with our pains for the rest of our Lives. Not a prospect to look forward to. But there
you are. This is what we had. As I saw it and still see it, there is Hope for us. We have had
the heart- brain connection developed since birth. You see the heart and the brain have a
lot in common. They are built of the same sort of cells and there is a strong
communication between the two. Our Mothers always carry us close to their hearts and we
hear the beat of her heart and feel the Love that emanates from her all the time. And this
activates both our brains and our hearts. This in turn makes us capable of Loving and once
we can feel Love we are safe.
Where I live now I watch with horror Mothers having babies and then, at only a few
months old they take them to be cared for by other people together with lots of other kids.
Here they go without sufficient Love and the all important connection is never established.
These children have a much bigger chance of becoming outcasts of society. They have not
been taught Love. Because Love is like everything else. You have to learn it.
I should mention that on Makuna we have good preventive medicin, and if there is an
accident, well there is no shame in having what you call an abortion. We have no religious
taboos and what matters, is the future of the foetus . If you feel that you are not ready or
capable to have a child... No problem.

Love is just like hate. If you were not taught to hate, you would be tolerant instead.
Chew on that for a while.

My Mother had bought us a small house, still in Southern Europe, Sunshine and Stardust
did not want to move to another part of the World, and between the three of us we fixed
the place up. With years of hard work and sacrifice, we finally finished our little hotel.
And this time it was ours. Nobody could take it away from us. All the papers were in our
names. At last we felt safe.

To celebrate that we finally had our own means of livelyhood, my Mother invited the three
of us on a holiday to Gibraltar. It was Summer and all but the most expensive hotels were
full. We could not afford the five Star prices. We started talking to a taxi driver, who are
always good sources of information. He told us that there was a hotel further along the
road. This road had a cul-de-sac sign at the entrance, but our driver assured us there was a
possibility of this place having a room or two for us. He drove up at what appeared to be

19
an abandoned entrance. There were weeds growing everywhere and the windows were
filthy. It was a huge place, but there was nobody around. We asked the driver if he would
wait while my Mother and I went looking for someone to inform us of whether the place
was open or not. It looked very closed to us, but then it was strange that it should be closed
in high season. We knocked and then banged on the front door, but there was no
movement behind the dirty glass doors. We decided to walk around the place. We got
down to a small horse shoe shaped beach to the right of the hotel where there was a little
bar for the local fishermen. They looked at us as if they had never seen a tourist before. “
What do you want, one of them asked us in spanish. Haltingly we explained that we were
looking for two rooms for ourselves and my two Daughters. The men in the bar looked at
each other and then one of them said, in english, we have two rooms for you. Splendid,
could we please see them. We could. The man who had spoken to us, told us to follow
him. We went into the hotel from a side entrance. The place looked as if it had not been
cleaned for months. There were paper and pieces of plastic, dust , dried Leaves and lots of
other non disgusting things blowing around the shabby corridors. And not a Soul around.
My Mother and I looked at each other and nodded, we´d give the place a chance and see
the rooms, what choice did we have. Only to jump on the bus and leave. The man took us
to our rooms half way down a long corridor. The rooms were fairly clean. OK we said, we
´ll have them. The price was reasonable but there was no room service. That was fine with
us. We knew how to take care of ourselves. Both rooms had their own bathrooms.
Sunshine and I shared one room and my Mother and Stardust shared the other one.
Actually it was lovely, we had the whole huge place, there must have been at least a
hundred rooms with very long corridors built on two terassed floors, to our amusement.
When we had got into lighter clothes, we thought a little exploration was in place. At the
very other extreme of the building we found an old English couple. They told us the place
had been closed down four years earlier, that they were the only people living there. They
had bought two rooms when the hotel was built ten years ago. And made it into a small
apartment. We were invited in for tea. Very nice people. Their only enjoyment was
walking into town once a day, and no, they did not feel lonely at all.
We obviously had to create our own fun. Shopping was one of them and eating in little
restaurants was another. Just hanging around people watching eating cool ice creams
also filled part of the long, lazy Summer days. In the evenings we took out a table and
chairs, put on our nighties, and either played cards for matchsticks or just gazed at the
angry Waves breaking against the rock the hotel stood on.. All in all a splendid holiday.

One night I woke up with a start. I had a strange dream. Just having a dream, or rather
remembering a dream was unusual for me. This dream though, shook me. I had dreamt
that somebody had preformed an operation on me. I never saw who it was, but this person,
had inserted a white opaque plastic looking thing into my left big toe. I got out of bed and
drew this object in my note book. I remembered it in full detail. Then I went back to sleep.
Sunshine had not stirred.
Next morning I told my Mother and my Daughters about my dream. My Daughters just
thought I was crazier than usual. My Mother looked thoughtful. The dream had seemed as

20
real as the waves breaking against the rocks. What is dream and what is reality.? Does it
depend on you, or are both equally real? Or unreal? Just because you can touch a wave but
not a dream, is that the test of reality? What is reality?
We had breakfast on the terass in front of the rooms. Smack in the middle of the little
bay, out in the Sea there was what looked like the lower part of a simplistic oil rig. It
looked like it was built out of giant Mecano.
“ I did not notice that thing yesterday” I said.
“ Well, it must have been there yesterday if it is there today” said Sunshine. I was not very
convinced, but on the other hand, where could it have come from during the night? We
thought no more of it, got dressed and walked into town.
When we came back the thing was still there, but there seemed to be less of it. As if it had
sunken into the Sea. I have a very vivid imagination, and I tried to push away my weird
thoughts.
Next morning when we got up the oilrig was no longer there. My Mother and I were
puzzled. And since we were into weird things, I reminded her of the dreams I had suffered
all through my childhood.
I used to dream that I was a pinprick in a vast blackness. There was nothing as far as the
eye could see and the mind percive. Just me, the pin prick . I used to wake up petrified and
run into my Mother´s room crying. I had this awful nightmare until my interest in boys
awoke. I don´t know why this episode came to my mind that day in Gibraltar.
Twenty three years later, sorry if I jump a bit, I read this magazine about strange
happenings, and there I found an article about objects extracted from people who said they
had been abducted by aliens. I went through my old notebooks until I found the one I in
which I had drawn the thing I dreamt had been operated into my toe. It was identical to the
fotograph in the magazine. And there were other things in the same article that shook me.
There were fotos of wartlike things, that do not really look like warts, more like future
boils. I had four of them. The first one appeared when I was pregnant with Sunshine. I
went to the dermatologist when the fourth one appeared. The doctor said it was nothing to
worry about, just nerve ends. It hurt like the funny bone when I hit them.
According to this magzine, they were tiny transmitters. Implanted by aliens. Well...

Our holiday was over and I forgot all about aliens and implants and went back to our new
hotel and our new Lives. The name of our hotel was IOOI , a half Moon and three stars.
When you enter the front door you move back in time and Space.

Over the front door, on the inside I have hung the symbols of Makuna. It consists of a Sun
in beaten gold with 15 ( 15=6= Love, did you know that? ) rays emanating from it. Half
the face of the Sun is covered by a silver Moon. On the other half there is a five pointed
platinum Star.
On the day of the Spring equinox I take down the symbol and leave it out in the Sun from
Sunrise to Sunset. During the full Moon of the darkest month I leave the symbol out in the
rays of the Moon. This is how I charge our Makuna symbol with Cosmic Energy and the
Wisdom of the Universe.

21
When and if Sunshine, Stardust and I need the help of these powers, we put our middle
and ring finger to the Sun if what we need is Cosmic Energy. If it is our Intuicion that
needs a boost we touch the silver Moon. And if it is Wisdom we require we touch the
platinum Star. We close our visible eyes and open our middle eye, empty our minds and
let Nature take Her course and charge us.

Most the ceilings of the IOOI are covered with cloth that is gathered in the center from
where a Tibetan lamp hangs. The floors are hidden by thick Maroccan carpets. As you
enter you are asked to take your shoes off and are given a pair of comfortable slippers. The
lights are dim and romantic. Then you are taken to your room. Every room, we only have
five, is different. One is Indian with a big fouton lying on a thick carpet, a small Kashmiri
chest of drawers, and cloth covered ceiling, plus a long, floor to ceiling lamp. Each room
has it own carpeted and panelled bathroom. Another room has a hanging double bed.
Beautiful materials hide the walls. There are carpets and huge pillows on the floors. No
smoking in the rooms, as you can imagine. But that is no problem as each room has it´s
own balcony or patio, where you can smoke to your hearts delight. The balconies and the
patios have lots of Flowering Plants, some standing on the floors and others hanging from
the ceiling beams, fighting for Space with the Windchimes. The whole place is so
beautiful that, in my opinion, it is a joy to work there. Sometimes I cook Fantasy dishes
for our guests. I mix Arabic cooking with Indian cooking with some Makuna cooking
thrown in. Most people like my strange dishes. And I like cooking, sometimes.
In the Winter we serve the food in a Haima on the terass. This Haima has a wooden floor
covered in thick carpets with long pillows along the walls. In the middle of the floor there
is a wood burning stove. The walls are also carpet covered. We sit on the floor and eat off
ten centimetre high tables. When we have these special dinners Sunshine and Stardust help
me. They serve the guests dressed in long colorful tunics over floppy pants.
In the Summer we use the other terass. Here we have, yes, you guessed, Makuna Beans
growing up the walls. But we have cut the greenery so that we can see the Moon and the
Stars. We only use candles for Light, both in Summer and Winter.Incense candles.
Sunshine, Stardust and yours truly, Emerald Fairy, always celebrate the Makuna holidays,
such as the Spring, Summer, Autumn and Winter Feasts. These Feasts are of course a little
different here than on Makuna, but the Spirit is the same. We even make our Winter Water
Statues, only the Mineral we use on Makuna does not exist here and we use lead instead.
It works just as well. If our guests want to take part they are welcome.
I don´t usually talk about Makuna, except to my Daughters. Here in your World you only
believe what you can see and touch or prove some other way. And ,as you know, Makuna
is invisible, so it does not exist. For now it is the secret of the Birch Family.
I have no pictures of Makuna, mainly because our pictures are holograms on very thin
Crystal sheets. If somebody from your World found these pictures they would not
understand what they were and there would be investigations. We would have to explain
about Makuna and that would be the end of Peace on our Island. We would not want that
to happen, ever. We Love Peace and Harmony

22
What I have brought with me is a special green Crystal, that you hold up to the full Moon.
In it you can see Makuna as it is today. When you move the Crystal so that the Moon rays
hit it in different angles, you can move from place to place on our Island. I also brought
with me a blue Crystal in which I can show my Daughters what Life was like when I grew
up.These are moving pictures, like your video. If it was not for my Magic Crystals I am
not sure that Sunshine and Stardust would believe that Makuna exists. They are still young
and their powers are not fully developed yet. I am teaching them to trust their instincts and
their hearts. Their Cosmic powers , what you call the sixth sense, are also feebler than
mine, which is normal. The enviorment in your World is very different from ours.
These Cosmic powers are not that easy to master as you have to let go of your ego and
your five senses and see through your middle eye, the Pineal gland, and use your sixth
sense. Everything is more uphill here, because your food is poisoned by insecticide and
fertilizers, your fish have mutated from the heavy metals in your Rivers and and your
Seas, the meat is full of hormones. I notice it in my weight. I feel much heavier here than
on Makuna. To reach Zero Gravity here I have to go without eating for a whole day. And I
only drink water that I purify under the rays of the full Moon. Astral travelling is also
more difficult. I think that this might depend on all the different sorts of waves that pierce
your Air. Radio, television, microwaves and a long etc.

Sunshine and Stardust are both back studying. Sunshine is doing very well, but Stardust,
who used to be such a good student, seems to have lost interest in school.
In our little garden I grow Marijuana for my own use. One day when Stardust was thirteen
years old I caught her smoking with a friend in the street. I had asked both my Daughters
to smoke with me their first time. And here I find her in the street with a shabby friend. I
was not pleased at all and asked if she was aware that smoking Marijuana is, stupidly,
forbidden by law, and that she could get us all into trouble.
“I don´t care “ was the answer she gave me. Obviously something had to be done. I went
home. I had three big Plants, I cut them up, stuffed them into plastic bags. I put the bags
into a huge canvas bag and went to some friends house, called on their doorbell and when
they opened the door I said “Here is a present from the IOOI nights “ Naturally they
accepted my gift with pleasure. That was the end of my lovely Plants. And my smoking, at
least for the time being.
Sunshine looked after the finances of the hotel and kept the books. Without her Life would
have been much more stressful for me. And I was sure it would serve her well in the
future.
Stardust on the other hand was a handful or two. She disliked me and whatever I said, she
snarled at me. I remember going through a stage like that in my childhood-youth so I was
not too worried. Sunshine had not been that way, but that only proves that we are all
different, does it not?
I worried a lot about Stardust´s unhappiness, but my Mother, Pear Blossom, whom I
appreciate more each day, told me to take it easy, that it would soon pass. Her reports from
school were bad, and seemed worse as Sunshines were so good. This of course made
Stardust feel even worse, though she never said so.

23
Also Stardust´s friends left a lot to be desired. When she brought them home, things
disappeared, the language they used was foul and they were not as clean as I would have
liked. They all smoked like chimenies. One day a good ring of mine disappeared and I had
to tell Stardust that some of her friends were not welcome in our house any longer. This of
course made her dislike me even more. I knew she was unHappy, but I did not know what
to do about it. There is no book you can open and find the answer
Bad behavior at age 13. Page 1287.
Don´t we all wish it was that easy.Instead you worry, blame, others, yourself,cry etc etc.
The worst paid and most ungrateful job on Gaia. Mother. And all you do is experiment.
You really have no idea of what to do. A stir in the genetic cauldron is the best, and only
choice you have. So much for Mother-hood. It was easier for little red riding- hood. Her
problems disappeared until next time around.

Stardust´s first boyfriend came along. I suppose he was a sweet guy, but the games they
played, before sex entered the picture, were too violent for my taste. When I asked
Stardust where all her bruises came from, she answered me that they liked to play rough or
that she had got the bruises in school playing volley ball. I was not Happy. And neither
was she.
Sunshine and I also had male friends, but more easy going ones.

Then two years that I¨d rather not think, nor write about followed.
All three of us were unhappy. At least Sunshine carried on in school. She had changed
from a religious, the only thing there was at that time, school to a secular one. This new
school was an evening one. In the daytime Sunshine helped me in the hotel, she still kept
the books and often did the shopping. We lived next door to our time removed little hotel.
And Life went on.
When Stardust was 15 years old a friend of hers, who had an alcoholic Father and a
screaming Mother, moved in with us. This friend, Pure, had left school because she could
not study in her house and was now selling childrens clothes in a shop. Between the three
of us we tried to convince Pure to go back to her school work.. But earning her own
money was such an experience for her that she kept on working. It is funny how history
repeats itself. When I was more or less the same age my best friend, Wave, came to live
with us. She, Wave, had difficult Parents and a hopeless existence. Her Parents fought and
were incapable of giving her the Love she needed to grow into a Happy person. I had
been told that things repeat them selves, but I had been too arrogant to believe what I was
told. There is no one deafer than the one who does not want to hear.

At this time Sunshine was letting the World know that she was not Happy by dressing only
in black . My Sunshine is a very beautiful girl with olive skin and dark red shiny hair. She
has a small well shaped nose and a lovely smiling mouth. And big dark yellow eyes. She
is a real beauty. All colors fit her and she had chosen black. At least for the time being.
Though her Lovely mouth smiled her choice of clothes were screaming for help. And I did
not know how to give it to her. I felt miserable, but surely not as miserable as she.

24
We often went out together. Our hangouts were the gay bars. Nice classy, I dislike that
word, ones. While Stardust went out with her weird friends, Sunshine and I went to fancy
dress parties in our friends´ bars. One night Sunshine was dressed as a Catholic priest ,
with a painted mustach and a Bible under her arm. I was dressed as a nun, with a habit
split to the thigh and net stockings. We shocked the neighbourhood with our blasphemy.
Another time we dressed as Hippies. That was easy. We just dressed in my clothes and
added a few Flowers and bells. On the surface we had a good time. But deep down in our
Souls and Spirits we all hurt.
Stardust´s friends got worse and worse. One of her best friends, after Pure, was a girl who
was into sado-masocism. She would come to our house looking like a professional street
worker often with a whip in her hand. Another one, who they called Pepper was a thief.
The rest were probably even worse because Stardust never brought them home.

When Sunshine turned seventeen my lovely Mother and I put our savings together and
bought a little oneroom apartment for her. It had a nice bathroom and a tiny kitchen. And
the ceilings were high. With the help of some builder friends we put in a half floor over
the stairs in the entrance. This was to be Sunshines bedroom. You could not quite stand up
straight in it. But in a bedroom you mostly lay down. It was big enough for a chest of
drawers and her nightside table and a thick carpet on the floor. Pear Blossom, Sunshine´s
Grand Mother, and my Mother Pear Blossom, bought her a stove and a fridge. The
furniture I picked up in the streets. It is amazing what people throw away. Mostly old, not
quite antique things. I picked out what I thought was nice and what had a possibility of
becoming beautiful. I really enjoyed hammering, sandpapering and waxing these old
things and turning them into objects of beauty and utility.
On her eighteenth Birthday we gave her a big party in the IOOI . Pear Blossom and I
cooked a smashing lunch. We made Makuna bread and vegetable souffle¨ with thick veal
cutlets. We have neither cheese nor veal on Makuna, but my Mother and I had picked up
the habit here. While Pear Blossom baked a cake, I made the sauce for it. The recipe is
from Makuna, where we boil Coco milk and Nectar until it is lovely and thick. Here I use
cream and honey. Sunshine blew out the candles and made her wish. After cleaning away
the big moment arrived. With her new key in her hand Sunshine led us down to her own
home, which she had not yet seen. On Makuna the custom is that when a child, or rather a
young person turns eighteen she is given her own home. It is time to take responsibility of
your own Life.
The expression on Sunshine´s face was worth every effort Pear Blossom and I had put
into the new home.
My big Daughter had brought some things with her and was going to stay the night in her
own home. I felt sad and empty, but I could not show it. For nothing in the World did I
want to spoil my first born´s joy.
That first night without Sunshine was very difficult. Almost like a second birth. First you
give Life to your child and give her all the Love you have stored up to make her into a
fulfilled human and then at eighteen she leaves you. I missed her more than words can

25
tell. Stardust´s and my house seemed empty and quiet. But such is Life. There is no
stopping time.

Sunshine started to study at the University and worked in the kitchen in a friend´s bar. One
of the bars we used to go to. Stardust, oh, my little Stardust stopped combing her hair and
took up dressing in black as well. What had I done to my lovely children ?
Her newest boy friends drove small motor bikes, I sat at home by the telephone waiting for
it to ring with bad news.
A year passed ever so slowly, a year that was dragging it´s feet. I, Emeradld Fairy, who
had planned my Life in such a different way, sat by the phone watching the TV. A TV that
was so bad that half the time you had to guess what was showing. Slowly I withered away
with worry and heartache. I, who had planned to have Happy and healthy children, and a
man who Loved me at my side, cried my self to sleep at night. My beautiful children were
roaming the bars and the streets looking for them selves, where they were sure never to
find anything except more misery. I tried to tell them that, warning them that, as they so
well knew I had looked in the same places, and there was not a positive thing to be found
in the darkness of the night. Again I forgot that we have to learn by experience. And again
I forgot that although they saw I had been miserable they would not learn from my
mistakes. What I had to do was get a hold of my self and start preaching by being a good
example.
And so another year passed. Sunshine was now twenty years old and Stardust, my last
child, I had tied my tubes, when my man disappeared from my Life, was sixteen. Both of
them now only dressed in clothes they found on the street. They washed them, Sunshine
mended hers, but Stardust wore hers the way she found them. If they, the clothes were so
tatty that they fell off her, she would stick a safety pin or two in them to keep them from
falling off . Had my two Babies at least been friends, it would have been a consolation for
this distraught Mother. But they did not like each other. Maybe it was sibling jealousy or
maybe it was because they did not like them selves, so how could they possibly like
anyone else ?
Stardust got fleas in her never- combed hair. Just imagine what it looked like after a year
of not bringing a comb to it. It was clean, she washed it all the time, never the less it was
the ideal breeding ground for parasites. Fleas of various sorts had always liked her. When
she was just tiny and we went to Streetparties, with their rides for children and other
roadside attractions ( Loved the book , Tom Robbins ) the fleas always sought her out. So
it was really nothing new, it was just so hopless with her Rasta hairdo to find the eggs. We
would sit out side our little house, by the IOOI, and I´d be flea hunting among the tangles.
And then finally one day Stardust also realized the hopelessness of the situation and cut
most of the mess off. But not enough. For still another week the tourist that walked passed
stopped to look at us. There we sat surronded by Flowers entertaining foreigners.
Stardust took the scissors to her flea infested hair and cut it off, and we won the battle
against the unwanted visitors that she had carried around. She cut it her self, in other
words she had a very personal hairdo. I think she might have invented the Grunge fashion.

26
Needless to say that while the flea campaign went on Sunshine stayed far away from our
house. Can´t say I blame her.
Time continued slowly, slowly. Sunshine changed the subject of her studies , Stardust was
about to turn eighteen and my darling Mother, Pear Blossom, was not well.
Even so we started hunting for a small place to buy for Stardust. She was also going to
have her own home as a birthday present. It was not easy, times were changing and prices
were going up. And we did not have a lot of money. Three months after starting we found
a lovely little house. Or rather the bottom half of a house, with beautiful views. I called in
my builder friends and we fixed the place up. It was only partially ready when we bought
it. We put in a tiny kitchen and an equally small bathroom and I made wooden floors for
the living room and her bed room. It turned out quite beautiful and Spacy.
On Stardus´t´s birthday we made a party in what was now only my house. My poor
Mother was not feeling well enough and did not come. Her presence was sorely missed. It
was only half a party with out her. Stardust missed her more than anybody.
When we were full of tasty food, Stardust invited us to her new house, which she had not
yet seen. Again all the effort and the hard work and the Love we had put into making it
cosy and warm was well worth it when my last child opened the door and her face split
into a beautiful smile. She Loved it, she said.
Now I was alone. No children, no man in my house, just me. I should have been Happy,
now I could do anything I wanted. I only had myself to think about. But somehow things
didn´t seem to be what I had imagined. I had wanted to travel and maybe work with
children in a country that was worse off than we. Instead I felt as if half my body had been
amputated. For twenty two years I had lavished all the Love I was capable of feeling at
any given moment on my Daughters. And now, here I was, alone. They had their Lives to
lead and I should go on with mine. It was not all that easy. Nobody came home for lunch,
there was hardly any washing to do, the house was easily cleaned and I had a lot of time
on my hands.
Instead of sinking into depression I decided to remodel my solitary house. What did I need
three tiny bedrooms for ? I started to knock down walls, a friend came to help me to put in
big wooden beams to hold the ceiling up. We put in a fire- place in what was now my big
L-shaped living room.

Some of my stubbornness I might have inherited, because I could not convince my Mother
to go and see a doctor. Or to go home to Makuna. But she did not want to, she said she
was afraid that if she went to Makuna she might never come back and not see us again.
My children did not yet know how to control their Vibrational level. I had been back only
once since I left and that was a long time ago. When my Grandmother, Nectar, turned
ninety years old. She died three days after her birthday. There was no reason for me to go
back..

27
When things got worse, Pear Blossom finally went to an obscure alternative medicin man,
who gave her a mixture of beer and herbs to take when pain overwhelmed her. She really
wanted to cure herself, I think, but her illness had gone too far.
On a Rainy Autumn evening the phone rang. It was Pear Blossom. She had decided to try
going to Makuna. We all went to her house to say good-bye and also to help her. You see,
because of her illness her Vibrational level was very low. We were going to try to help her
to raise her level and if possible give some of our Vibration to her. It was very hard to
raise our Vibrations, as we were all so unHappy.
It did not work, hard as we tried. I suspected that all the pain she had had to endure with
an alcoholic Daughter and two very unHappy Grandchildren were taking it´s toll on her.
Sunshine , Stardust and I went home with our hearts in our heels. We called her every day
but she wanted to see no one. She never liked anyone to see her suffering.
One day Stardust said , in passing as it were, that Pear Blossom was going to die. My Soul
shattered. I had never thought my Mother would leave me. She had not turned seventy yet.

In the end Sunshine, Stardust and I managed to convince Pear Blossom that we needed
her and that she had to go to a doctor. My children and I were much closer now. Things
had been going a little better for some months. Pear Blossom did go to see a doctor and
was sent to a specialist in another country, who could possibly help her. She went, and
there she rented a little flat and got settled. She had not wanted me to go with her. Pear
Blossom saw her new doctor and was operated on immidiately. The operation went well.
We talked on the phone when she came around after it. We were both so very Happy that
she was going to be alright, even though the recovery time was long. I would go and see
her as soon as she felt up to it.
I thanked Nature and all the gods I could think of for the success of the operation. I could
not wait to see her.

Then one horrible day the hospital called to say that my Mother had gone into a coma. I
took the first plane available, and was at her side ten hours after that awful call.
She, my Mother, Pear Blossom was full of tubes and was hooked to an artificial breathing
machine. My heart broke, and tears ran down my face. Though she was in coma, I still
thought she could sense me. I tried not to cry when I was at her side. I read the letters my
Daughters had written for me to take with me, I read the Celestine Profecy ( Loved that
book too and so did Pear Blossom ) for her.. When I went home to the flat, that she had
rented, with her things and her clean smell, in the night time ,I cried, I screamed, I begged
Nature, your God, just in case he could do something, to make my Mother well.

For three horrible weeks I watched my Mother, my only Mother, lie in her sterile bed,
dead to the World. I massaged her feet, I held her hand and I told her how very much I
Loved her. I begged her to forgive all the pain I had caused her. Did she hear me ? Could
she, in the goodness of her heart , forgive me ? Could anybody forgive the amount of
sorrow I had caused her ?

28
When the doctors took brain scans of her and saw that there was no hope of recovery, they
did what my Mother had wanted. They turned off all the machines and my Mother died.
Never in my whole Life had I felt that miserable. I could not stop crying and raving. I
thought I was going mad, again. My mind seemed to want to take leave of me. I talked to
my poor Grandmotherless children on the phone every day. I should have consoled them,
but I was too unHappy and too wrapped up in my own sorrow. Again I did not know what
to do, how to help my children. Maybe they were all true those ugly things my man had
told me. I was no good, not fit to have children, all I thought about was myself.
My Mother had wanted three days to pass before she was cremated and for three days she
lay in the hospitals morgue, all alone. It was unberable. I wanted to be with her and hold
her hand, but they would not allow me in there. I wanted to assist her in her transformaton
into the Spirit World. I so wanted her to have the help of the Love I felt.
After these interminable long hours were over I went to the hospital to take her overcoat,
because that was all that was left of her now, her Soul had left for a Happier place. A place
were you have no heavy body to drag along. A place where you felt no pain and no
sorrow. I took her discarded coat to the crematorium. I was given her ashes. I rented a
little row boat and rowed out to Sea where I dispersed them as she had asked me to.

In the blackest of depressions I took the plane home. I only stopped crying when I fell
asleep from exhaustion. After ten hours of travelling I got home. I closed the door and
screamed and screamed, I threw myself on the floors, banged my head on the walls and I
cried until the neighbours banged on the door. My children came and I could not hold
them and be a Mother to them. They left and tried to cope with their sorrow alone. I was a
monster, but I could not stop. I wanted my Mother and she was dead. There was nobody.
My children were fed up with my selfishness, and still I could not stop. I dug my self
deeper and deeper into a bottomless pit of of blackness.

I have no recollection of how long this lasted. I had not left my house, I was not eating and
worse I did not see my children.

Then a dark , Starless night as I was watching the news on TV, the telephone rang.
It was my Daughters. They had both rented their houses they told me. They called from
the North of Spain.
My heart stopped. I had just seen on the TV the news about a terrorist attack in San
Sebastian, in Northern Spain.
I think I will continue tomorrow. This is just too painful.
Sunshine and Stardust claimed to be OK, but I had my doubts. They said that they had
rented a room together, at least that was good news, because it meant that they were
friends again. They were looking for jobs, but for the time being they were selling a
magazine in benefit of homeless people. On commission. In other words they were
practically starving, because eveything was so much more expensive in the North of Spain
than where we usually live and because they knew no one in San Sebastian. They each had

29
the rents from their houses plus one third of the intake from the 1001. They wanted no
money from me.

My house was still a mess as I had not finished my new livingroom. I had left everything
when Pear Blossom went into coma and I had gone to be with her.
As I saw it, I had a choice. I could either slowly die from sorrow and self pity or I could
continue fixing my house.
I chose the house. I was going to make it so beautiful, within my means, that I could only
feel Happy in it. I plastered , sand papered and hammered, just like in my childrens homes.
But this time I only had to think of my self.
My house was tiny. It consisted of three floors of about seventeen square meters each.
The stairs took away almost a third of each landing. And it was on old house. Nearly one
hundered years old. I had to be careful of what I did, otherwise the whole thing might end
up around my neck.. The living room was nearly ready, the fire place was there , the
beams were in place and the painting was done. Next stop was up stairs where my
bedroom was. It had really old disgusting and broken tiles on the floors. And it was a cold
room, with the big terass in front. I put a wooden floor on top of the old one. I screwed
small wooden beams to the floor and put isolation between them . Then I put the wooden
slats on top, sandpapered them, three times, and varnished them , three times. When the
work was done I had a beautiful floor. And the room seemed much warmer.
Years ago Sunshine and I had put in a toilet on the terass. Now I knocked out an opening
into my bedroom and closed the opening to the terass. My neighbour made the doorway
into an arch and there I hung a thick Lovely curtain. In front of my bedroom window was
the terass. Here I created my own little Makuna. A homage to the Bean and Nature. I
planted Flowers and Trees in beer kegs and oil drums. There were Flowers everywhere, on
the walls, in the window and hanging over the railing. I made a hammock and hung it
across the greenery. Here I would lie and listen to the birds and the Windchimes or read a
book.. I had made my own small paradise.
I was very Happy with my budoir. My Spirits lifted when I looked around the beauty I
had created. I decorated it very sparsely. There was a thick carpet on the new wooden
floor, my bed and a chest of drawers that I had found in the street and fixed up. It was
exactly what I needed. And wanted.
I moved back to the living room where I scrubbed the floors and then waxed them. With
the sofa and carpets in place, the fire place going and a woolen blanket over my lotus
positioned legs, I lay on the sofa reading a book. I looked around me and discovered that
there was something missing. Part of the floor was different from the rest. Remember there
had been three small rooms, one with a different floor. An ugly floor. What I needed was a
wall to wall carpet to cover the whole thing. There was a man in the neighbourhood who
lay carpets. I talked to him and he layed me a beautiful old rose colored woollen carpet.
One whole wall was a book case in pine that I had made and underneath it the old rose
carpet. It was lovely. I had been right, with beauty around me I could not be unHappy.

30
Sunshine and Starust called from San Sebastian, in the North of Spain, once in a while.
They did not have a phone and I could not call them. So they said. The terrorists kept
throwing bombs and exploding cars, mostly in their own part of the country. They say they
want independence from Spain, but how can they possibly think that killing, maiming and
generally terrorizing their own citizens will accomplish that ? Just imagine if they were
the rulers of an independent Basque country, then they would kill or encarcerate anyone
who was of a different opinion. And we would have a dictatorship of terror. And this is
where my Daughters had chosen to Live. They must have been so very unHappy. My poor
girls.

My house had turned out better than I had thought, but now it was ready and I had a lot of
time on my hands. I started working as a voluntary worker with old people. I went to see
them a few hours a week. We went for walks, had coffee, hot milk in my case , and
chatted. They told me their grieviaces and I listened. These old ladies, they were all ladies,
felt lonely. Their children had their own Lives and not a lot of time for them.. They liked
to complain and I was exhausted by the time I got home .
At the same time as I started with my oldie-goldies I started to do Yoga. This helped me to
have patience and to cope with their negativity. But there are a lot of good things in every
bad one. It is only a question of looking for it. I was finally feeling useful again.
I practiced my healing powers on them, when they agreed to it. In the beginning they were
not too keen, but once they saw that I had their best intrest in mind they agreed. I made
them Flower remedies and gave them Crystals, they sang for me ( you know that singing is
very good for you, of course ). They would feel better, but still they had no faith in Natural
medicine. They stopped using what I had made for them, and got worse. The amount of
pills they took for their various ills, poisoned their systems even more. They still let me
massage their feet, because the relief was instant and they could not deny it.

At this stage I thought I would try to go home to Makuna. I fasted for two days and drank
only Moon Water. On the day after the full Moon, I tried to highten my Vibrational level .
I could not do it. I tried and I tried, just like Sunshine, Stardust and I had tried when Pear
Blossom wanted to go to Makuna. But to no avail. I could not do it. I had lost my
Vibrational control. I had thought too many negative thoughts and done too many things
that were not the right ones. I knew the only way to get it back was pureness of heart.
And a mind free of negative thoughts. Giving for the joy of giving, not with a back
thought of gaining something, like in my case the return of my Vibrational control. I had
to be able to watch a flea eaten, unwashed staggering drug addict without feeling disgust. I
knew I could not do that. I knew that I could not stop myself hating the terrorists, not only
in the Basque country, but all over the World, who kill innocent people and leave others
mourning for the rest of their Lives. I knew I was incapable of thinking a compassionate
thought about a child raper. I also knew that if I ever wanted to achive my goal of
recovering my Vibrational control I had to stop doubting my powers of insight. The task I
had set for myself was a difficult one. Not impossile. Nothing is if you put your mind to it,

31
but almost as difficult as it is for one person in one Life time to change the whole World
into a better place.

On a beautiful Sunny day in Spring Sunshine returned. What Happiness I felt.

. But not for long. She and her Sister , who had stayed in San Sebastian,were no longer
talking to each other .She told me that Stardust had pinched her boy friend. The one she
Loved. I tried to comfort her, but she was broken hearted.
She went back to her studies at the University, more than going back, she threw herself
into them, hoping to forget, I imagine. She also decided that her home was too small, that
she needed more Space. She put her house on the market and soon enough sold it for a
good amount of money. It had a priceless view and there was no lack of buyers. She
bought her self a whole house without view. Except from two windows. Sunshine is a
good worker and can work very hard when she puts her mind to it, and she usually does .
She started working. She pulled down walls and tore out windows and doors. Part of her
anger she threw away with old window frames and broken bricks. But she still hated her
Sister.

Stardust did not call very often, and I was very worried about her. But what could I do. I
had brought up two independent Daughters and this was what I had. Two Daughters who
knew how to stand on their own feet and did not need their Mother the way she needed
them.

I felt so lonely and unwanted. I should have known, because, now I understand that this
was how I had made my own Mother feel. Without giving it a second thought. Obviously
there was not a thing I could do about the situation. I decided to consentrate on hightening
my Vibrational level and my willpower. I knew I needed lots of devotion. I really had to
want to accomplish my goal. I worked hard on myself . I´d sit on the floor in my living
room, in the Lotus position and imagine that I was at home in Makuna. And feeling free of
sad and bad feelings. Often I had to sit for hours, as unwanted thoughts kept interrupting
me.
I´d walk in the Woods outside Fir Town, when all of a sudden I´d see Sunshine´s angry
face. Or feel Stardust´s pain. I´d come down to Earth with a crash and would have to start
all over again. This happened for weeks on end, and at times I thought that the whole
exercise was of no use. Never-the-less I´d do it again. I tried to discipline my self. I´d eat
only organically grown fruit and vegetables. I drank only Moon energized water. I was
very determined to succeed. I put serious passion into it. Not sexual passion, but the
passion of conviction.
I would allow myself no lazyness. As soon as I was so tired that I could not control my
fleeting mind, I´d have an apple or something else to eat, that hightened my awareness.

In the end my determination paid off. As I had lost my Vibrational control, through doing,
thinking and feeling too many negative things, I could only hope to accomplish Astral

32
travelling. But there needed not to be a time limit. I would not be able to materialize in
Makuna, but I could still be there in the Astral, and enjoy the fantastic views and
landscapes. Not to talk about the Peace , Love and Harmony that was ever prevailing in
Makuna. It hightened my Spirit and made my Soul Happy. Why had I ever left
Makuna ??? Why did I not have the patience of Angels and stay there until I found what I
was looking for? What ever that was. Well, the answer to that one is easy. I am no Angel.
Once, a long time ago, in my youth I had hoped one day to change from Fairy to Angel.
But that hope has dissipated like Flower seed in a gale.
My frequent travels to Makuna during this difficult time, kept me sane. I would have loved
to be able to talk to or communicate with the Elders of Wisdom in my beautiful home
land. But since I was only Astral travelling, I had not been able to bring anything with me,
not even the smallest Crystal. And there were a million things I wanted to ask. First and
foremost I would have asked what I could do, at this stage, to make my Daughters feel
Happier and more at Peace with them selves and their Lives. How could I make them
understand that they, only they, could change their own Destiny. Change the chip, as it
were. But, alas, I had been too unthinking, not only in my youth, but as a grown up person
as well, and was stuck.. Surely there had to be a way of regaining my Vibrational control.
But I could not get the advice of the persons who had this Wisdom. I would have to
figure it out myself. At this stage I did not have even close to the Wisdom needed. All I
could do for the time being was enjoy and feel Happy that I was home. Though only in
Spirit.
On my home Island our old people are well looked after. Once you get so old or sick that
you cannot look after your self, our oldie goldies live in small houses, where others look
after them. The oldie goldies choose who they want to live with and form new families.
The ones that are well enough work with what they themselves choose to work with. Many
of them teach rebellious youngsters the Wisdom they have required over the years. As
respect is something that we have grown up with, specially for old people, it is often easier
for young children to pay attention to what an old woman or man says than what her or his
Mother says. Also it is easier to take heed of someone whom you do not see every day and
who might nag you. It worked very well. This way our old people do not feel obsolete and
useless, as often happens in your society. It makes them Happier people when they feel
useful.

In your World I, in my infinite lack of Wisdom, had thought that having fun and instant
gratification was the thing to go for. I had not stopped to think. To remember. Look at that
word, just for a second. Re- again. And Me. That sort of implies to me that we already
know what we need to know, that all we need to do is connect to our memory and our
selves. Now take a look at memory. Re- More- Rem Me. Re- already there , More –of
what we dream, maybe. Because as you might know REM , rapid eye movement, is the
stage in your sleep, when you dream. Imagine that the word memory means, and memory
is not a physical fenomenon, that we should pay more attention to our dreams. But all of
us can´t remember our dreams. Now how do you get out of this Circle ?

33
 I had forgotten what I had been taught. About long standing negative thoughts. I myself
had brought all this misery down on me. I had permitted myself to hate, to dislike, to be
resentful, judgemental and to feel selfpity. And a whole lot of other dark thoughts. If I had
brought this feeling of destitution down on myself, should not that mean that I could
change this feeling into something else. Simply by consciously pushing out, at all times,
the blackness that sometimes invades me. But how to do it? I had already tried alcohol,
and that was definitely not it, it just made it worse, hard drugs would surely be the end of
me.
The only solution left was myself. Like I had done with the alcohol. I had decided that it
was doing nothing but harm. Now I decided not to let myself think bad thoughts. This was
much more difficult than leaving the booze.
Once my mind was made up, I noticed how we are bombarded with violence and
negativity. Just watching the news on TV had you feeling awful and thinking the same
way. I personally used to wish that the timber companies that destroy our beautiful Forests
would go bankrupt, that the dictators should feel the same pain they had inflicted on
others, that the terrorist should all be executed and a long etc of revengeful and hatefilled
thoughts. Don´t think that I have mastered it yet. I have been at it for over two years and
still I cannot stop it all the time. When I see a Mother treating her child badly I still feel
like socking her one. But instead of doing it I push away the thought and see her in my
minds eye as having been badly treated in her childhood . And I realize that a smile, a kind
word or a helping hand to the child can change the incident and at the same time make my
self feel better. I put this into practice by saying good morning to everybody I knew by
sight. The first months were hard going, people didn´t seem to be used to friendliness. But
that only made me more determined. A year later almost everybody but the most sour of
the people answered my smile and greeting the same way. And I promise you that makes a
change. A small thing like a smile can make you feel so much better and the other person
as well. It was a win-win situation. These days I talk to so many people that I have to
make extra time. We all feel better, it is like somebody else cared, even if only a little. We
felt less lonely. I always tried to end the conversation with something positive. A simple
thing like : How lucky we are that the Sun is shining or that it is raining and that the
Flowers will be brighter when they bloom. It was really not that difficult to make others
and yourself feel better. I did this all the time now, and I felt better. I think my Vibrational
level was higher.
When I watched the news I only thought of the misery not wishing punishment on the ones
causing it. My heart went out with Love to the suffering. This probably sounds like a lot of
bull to you, but I hope one day to be able to tell you that it has worked out.
Determination is vital if you want something to succeed. I am so determined to mend and
make up for my old negative ways that I know I will make it.
Also, my devotion to this project was total. I tried to put it into practice in every move I
made.
And every move I made, I made with a passion. In the end I would have changed a little
piece of our World into a better place. If one day I manage to do this , I would also recover
my Vibrational control and see and experience Makuna again.

34
As usual I had set my goal very high, but I couldn´t let myself doubt, not even for a
second. If I did, I would not succeed. And succeed I would.

What you have just witnessed here was my way of escaping from reality, when it was too
harsh and threatened to bring down my Vibrational level.

Meanwhile, back in reality, I tried not to interfere too much in Sunshines Life. She was
very independent and did not want her Mother´s advice. Many a time I could have saved
her pain and also money, but, as I reminded myself , we have to make our own mistakes to
extract experience from them. This was very hard and I still had not mastered it
completely, but I kept trying.

Stardust was still away. She had now moved to the capital of Spain. We talked on the
phone when ever I found it impossible to keep my fingers off it. Stardust was Living with
a Musician, who seemed to Love her a lot. And she him. There were some things I did not
like at all. He called himself Spew. What sort of selfesteem can a person have to call
himself something as unpleasant as spew. I said as much to Stardust, but she explained to
me that it was in a figurative way, and that it meant that his Music was as soft and well
digested as spew. It did not convince me. I still thought this guy´s self esteem could do
with a boost.
When Stardust accepted a mobile phone as a gift from your truly, we had more contact.

You might think that I am unfair as I talk more about Stardust than I do about Sunshine,
but Sunshine has kept me at an arms distance for a long time. She wanted to Live her Life
and she did not let me in to it. That did not mean that we didn´t Love each other and had
lunch together, and went out shopping once a while. She did not share her intimate
feelings with me. It hurt me a bit, but only time could heal the real or imagined ills, or
both, that I had inflicted on her.
Sunshine had finished her new house and had rented the apartment on the middle floor to
an old lady. She was studying and needed money to Live on, hence the renting. One day
she wanted the whole house for herself, she said.

Meanwhile , Stardust in Madrid, Spain, invited her Mother, me, for a visit. I could not stay
in her house as they only had one room, that was combined living and bedroom. She found
me a hotel room close by and I traveled to Madrid.To see my beautiful little girl. Stardust
was beautiful alright with her dark neck length hair, her yellow eyes, her small but full
mouth. And her beautiful English Rose complexion. Stardust could win any beauty
contest. And now I was going to see her after such a long time living with memories. I was
very excited.
I recognized Spew from a picture Stardust had sent me, before I recognized my own
Daughter. She was very pale, and she had cut her hair. She rushed into my arms and we
hugged and hugged. Her eyes were Lifeless and dull, and her movements were slow.
Something was not right.

35
They took me to my hotel and left me to have a shower and a laydown. Stardust would
pick me up in an hour, she said .The Mother´s heart in my chest was aching.

Spew treated Stardust as if she had been a valuable porceline object, or made of spun
sugar. He was very polite and well behaved. They obviously Loved each other. But still
there was something that was not right. They inflicted physical pain on each other by
sticking red hot needles into each other. Naturally they did not do it in front of me.
Stardust told me how they amused themselves. I asked her if she thought that it was a
healthy way to have fun. She looked a bit embarassed and gave me an enigmatic smile.
As you might imagine it felt like it was me they stuck their needles into, but what could I
do to make them see that they had embarked on a road to destruction. That Spew´s nature
was selfdestructive was evident. Just look at his taken name. For whatever reason he
obviously hated himself. But he was also destroying my Lovely Daughter´s joy of life and
of living. I was distraught. I was only going to stay in Madrid for three days.
We went shopping. I bought Stardust clothes and books, but her choice of literature was as
pathetic as her choice of clothes. Everything had to be black. The books she read were
enough to make the Happiest and most optimistic person feel sad and hopeless. I wanted
to buy her other sorts of books, like books of paintings, Stardust was a good painter, and
ancient art, but the only subject that interested her was Christ suffering on the cross. The
music they both listened to was equally desesperate. Hate and suffering was blearing out
from her CD player. Even the optimistic Emerald Fairy started to feel depressed. All
Stardust wanted to see and contemplate was misery and pain. My little, I have to stop
calling her that, she was twenty one years old, girl was crying out for help, and again I did
not know how to help her. I took them both out to eat in small restaurants in their
neighborhood. They never cooked at home and had very little money, Spew was an out of
work Muscisian, and I could only give Stardust a small allowence. Spew was a big and
strong guy, but Stardust is a small and delicate little creature of Nature. Her health was
suffering in a frightful way. Her eyes that had been dull before this were now even duller,
and she took pills not to feel so down. Which only made her feel more destitute. And she
would not listen to me.
“ I´m OK , don´t worry about me .
“ How can I not worry “ I told her, “you are obviously not well “.
I begged her to come home with me, just for a week or two, to get her back on her feet.
But no, she was fine and Spew looked well after her and besides she could look after her
self, she was no baby. I was of a different opinion, but I also knew my Stardust very well,
she is my Daughter after all, and I knew that if I kept on insisting I would only make
things worse. And when she finally would be ready for some Motherly Love and care, she
would be too stubborn,( born to bust, as in break ?), to let me know.
The best way to Love her was to let her find out the error of the road she had chosen . I
gave her all the money I had left and asked them both, please, to spend it on food.
With a very heavy heart and with a feeling of uselessness as never before, I went back to
my home in another part of Gaia.

36
Back in my house I knew that if I let desesperation take hold of me Stardust had no one to
turn to when she was ready. My misery would only make her feel worse.
When we talked on the phone, I could hear on her voice that instead of getting better she
was getting worse. I prayed to my Nature gods, I asked my Guardian Angels to stay with
Stardust, I put wishes for her recovery under my pyramids, I sent her Love. But this was
all I could do¡ If my life was hell, what was Stardust´s like ? I could not bear to think of
the pains she must be suffering.
Sunshine meanwhile was doing much better with her life. At least that is what it seemed
like. She was not one for sharing her intimate thoughts and feelings with her Mother. I
only hoped that she could share these things with somebody.
I was worried that in her desperate need for Love she would turn to the first person who
gave her attention, and that this person might Love her for the wrong reasons. Mother´s
worries.

Life went on and I started to study alternative medicin seriously. I had not been able to
help Pear Blossom, but maybe one day I would be able to help my Daughters.
I bought and borrowed all the books that I found on different sorts of healing. Thankfully
I had a good base , having been brought up on Makuna.
I would sit in my little garden and see the bright colors of my Flowers, the transparent
greens of the Sun kissed Leaves. My Vibrational level had crashed after my visit with
Stardust and her Spew. If I was to help others as well as myself I could not allow any
selfpity. In the night I would lie in my hamock and watch the Stars move over the dark
blue infinate Sky. And dream of the life we could all have had if I had not left Makuna. In
the warm Moon lit Summer nights I made myself another life. A life where the three of us
were Happy and content. I slowly started to feel better and could send more Love to
Sunshine and Stardust.

Our little family spent the mid Winter Feast together. We decorated my house with
Flowers and gold and silver colored balls. I had grown a Marijuana plant special for this
Feast. I had cut it to look like a Fir Tree. We draped it with purple and gold ribbons. There
were candles everywhere. It looked very bright and beautiful.
We made our Winter Water statues and interpreted them. Sunshine´s statue was full of
clusters and dark spots. She was still angry with life.
Stardust´s consisted of long shiny spikes and was in 24 small pieces. Her life was a mess
and she did not know where she was headed.
Emerald Fairy´s was in four pieces. Two that looked like stalks coming out of their seeds,
could it have been the Makuna Bean, the other two were long shiny needles.

Those were Happy days. My Daughters behaved well with each other and I felt good.
But life had to return to normality. Sunshine went back home and Stardust to Madrid. She
had broken up with Spew, which I was Happy about even if I liked him a lot, and was now
living with some friends from the Basque country. That made me feel uneasy.

37
One day as I was sitting on my couch thinking about life there was a knock on my
window. I looked up but of course there was nothing there. Then the knock was repeated.
It was a strange sound, as if who ever knocked had used a stick to do so. I got up and had a
closer look. There was a little sparrow sitting on the window sill knocking on the glass
with it´s beak. I went out to see what it wanted, I never doubted that it wanted to tell me
something. Maybe it had been caught under the greenery and could not find it´s way out.
But as soon as I stepped out the door it flew up, up and away. What had it wanted then ?
A few days passed, and one afternoon as I came home from buying food, to my horror I
found a tiny snake on the patio. How had it got to my patio ? You go down thirteen stairs
to get to my patio.

After both of my Daughters had left home and I had finished the the work of changing my
house into a one person house, I found this little house that was for sale. Only ten minutes
walk from where we had all lived together. This house was in a mess but had lots of
potential. I sold the house my Daughters and I had lived in and bought the smaller house. I
fixed it up to fit me and this is where I lived now.

Snakes don´t walk downstairs, specially not a tiny snake, like this one. And did one baby
snake mean that there was a whole family of snakes slithering around my house ? I did not
like snakes one bit, I was not afraid of them , but they gave me a funny feeling along my
spine. I did not know what to do with it, as I was not in favor of killing anything if I could
avoid it. I could have picked it up and thrown it out in to Nature, but there were small
children around and they could have been bitten by it. What should I do?. I stood around
for a while wondering what was going on. First the bird and now the snake. Were they
warnings signs ? In the end I killed it, and then I did something morbid. I was so sure that
these signs were trying to tell me , or maybe warn me ,about something. When I chopped
the snake´s head off there were a few drops of blood leaking out of the animal´s body. I
collected this blood on a piece of tin foil and put it in the freezer. I thought I remembered
seeing on a documentary on TV that snake blood could cure I don´t know what. Anyway ,
this is what I did.
Two days later as I went up stairs to close the outside door for the night there was an
enormous frog, the ugly warty type, sitting on my doorstep. Quite frankly I thought I had
gone mad. I turned away only to turn back again and still see it sitting there. I bent down
until I was only ten centimetres from it. It was there alright, I was not hallucinating. I
thought maybe I had made my nightly joint too strong, but no, my eyes were not decieving
me. As you can imagine I was very confused. The frog jumped out onto the street and I
locked the door. Then I took out my books on symbolism and Magic, ancient medicine
and witchcraft. There was nothing in any book that helped me. Different cultures have
different symbols. I had to trust my own judgement.

38
 For me birds symbolize freedom, snakes give me the creeps and symbolize evil. But then
again, look at the symbol of medicine. A snake winding around a stake. And the frog ?
You use the frog for pregnancy tests. There was no doubt in my mind that these animals
wanted to tell me something, but for the life of me I could not figure out what it was. I
asked around, but nobody could enlighten me. I had been warned that something was
going to happen, but what ?
Later, much later, I found out that the warty frog symbolizes poison in some japanese
cultures.

That night it rained, as if to cleanse away the evil. I was grateful for the healing Waters
that washed over me as I stood on my patio, and thought about the meaning of life.

Early next morning when I got up the Air was lovely and clean. As I looked up into the
morning Sky I saw the most beautiful Rainbow going from mountain to mountain
embracing me and the house with it´s healing and protecting colors.

Two weeks later I found a wounded bird on my patio. I had heard the boys of the
neighbourhood shooting with their air rifles and I had told them to stop it, that it was
illegal to shoot birds. I guessed that one of them had wounded the little bird. I made it a
nest and bought it birdfeed and gave it water. It seemed to get better, but it was afraid of
me and I could not pick it up to see where it was hurt. It became my little pet and I was
sure it was going to be OK.
My kitchen looked out on the patio and about ten days later as I was sitting at my kitchen
table having lunch I saw something move among the Flowers. A huge rat. This was too
much¡¡ I lived only 15 minutes away from the center of town on a hill side surrounded by
Nature, so you could expect to have some wild life. But I thought this was going too far. I
had lived in this house for three years and sure there were a lot of wild cats and some stray
dogs, different sorts of lizzards and the odd snake. I had even had birdsnests in my small
garden, but now it seemed as if I had a whole zoo.
I did not know what to do with my bird. Down on the patio the cats could not get it, but
how could I protect my bird from a rat. If I took it indoors it would never learn how to fly,
if I put it in the garden the cats would get it. After long contemplations I opted for
watching over my bird and scaring the rat away. Of course I scared the poor bird as well,
but I really did not know what to do.
One very sad morning when I went out to see how my little pet was doing I found only a
few feathers. I looked in all it´s hiding places, but all I found were more feathers. The rat
had got it. I was very sad that I had not been able to protect it. I cried and blamed my self
for it´s demise. I had always wanted to be a bird, but now it seemed obvious to me that a
bird´s life was no dance on roses either. Or rather it could have been, only roses have more
than beautiful petals. They have thorns that hurt you. It would be a matter of dancing only
on the petals and avoiding the thorns. Not as easy as it could seem.

39
If you pay close attention to Nature and it´s animals, the wind and the movements of the
clouds you might finds clues to what you should do or what would happen. Or as in the
case of Harvest, all those years ago, who had got lost when we travelled in India and was
led home by a goat.

What was I being warned about ? Something horrible was going to happen. How could I
prevent it if I did not understand what it was .

I called Sunshine and Stardust imploring them to be very careful and thinking twice about
what they did. They both thought I was crazier than ever.

In the middle of the month of May Stardust came to see me again. I was so Happy to have
her at my side, I always felt more at ease when I had my children close to me. I felt they
were safe as long as they were with me. Conciete, I guess.

But then, there is always a but, isn´t there, the worst fears of any Mother were confirmed.
My beautiful last child, only twentytwo years old, but already, since way back, treading
the road of selfdestruction, had a needle mark in her right arm. She is right handed.
I have had some bad times, like everybody else in this World of ours, but this was worse
than anything so far. I seriously thought my heart was going to break. I screamed, raved,
prayed, begged. Whom , I don´t know. Not for my pain, which naturally was immense, but
for hers, that must be a million times bigger than mine.

Pure, Stardust´s friend , lay the Tarot cards for me. She told me it was not the right time to
try to have my book published, that my health was good and that Stardust had a big
problem. I knew that, what I did not know was what I could do to help her. Pure told me to
ask more specific questions. I asked about Stardust´s liver, about her lungs and her heart. I
asked if the pills she was taking were harming her. I asked if she was taking other things
besides the pills. The answer to the last questions were Yes. “ Is she using heroin “ I asked
the cards. The answer was YES. This was even worse than I had imagined in my worst
nightmares.

As soon as Pure left I called Stardust. I said to her that I knew she had a heroin problem.
She burst into the most heart rendering sobs I had ever heard. We were both crying down
the telephone lines like we had never cried before. She told me between sobs that she had
been smoking the stuff ever since she moved out of the flat she had shared with Spew.
That was a year or so ago.
I asked her, please, to come home to me and together we would work things out. She said
she would. I called her every day, with her permission, and she said, every day that she
would come home the next day. And she did not. I was afraid that if I pushed her too much
I would come up against a wall. We were both desesperate and so far from each other.
This could not go on.. I travelled to Madrid. I called her from the taxi that I had taken from
the airport and told her that I was outside her house. She came down to the street. “ What

40
are you doing here “ she asked me. “ I have come to take you home “ I said. She looked
confused for a second and my heart stopped. I had put everything on one card. Would she
rush into my arms or would she kick me out. Stardust´s beautiful face broke into a smile
and the tears streamed out of her eyes. She rushed into my arms. I had done the right thing.
She went to say goodbye to some friends and to buy heroin for the trip while I cleaned up
her room, which consisted of a few wooden planks, dirty blankets and sheets and a dust
covered bookshelf with her books. No matress, no curtains, no carpet and no light, it faced
an inside patio. It nearly broke my heart, but now if ever I had to be strong.
When she came back a few hours later she looked a little better, I did not want to think
why. We started our journey home. Stardust fell asleep and I had a good look at her. Her
hands were black and so was her mouth. I did not know the first thing about heroin. I knew
no one who was on it, there was nobody I could ask. But obviously it was very poisonous.
The blackness surrounding her reminded me of the flash I had had when I was younger.
The grey mist that I had seen around Gaia.
It was a difficult trip, but we finally made it. We were home and we were together.
We sat on my sofa together and held each other and cried. Like we had never cried before.
Stardust kept saying “ Thank you , thank you, thank you “ My poor beautiful little darling.
How she was suffering. She told me that she was so ashamed and had been too afraid to
tell me. Just being close together made both of us feel better, as well as we could possibly
feel in a situation like this.
She told me she had to smoke some heroin and I sat with her as she prepared it on the
patio. When she started to smoke it on it´s tin foil, I had to rush to the toilet to vomit.
What poison it must be, for me to vomit just from the smell.
She smoked twice more that day. I don´t want to be too dramatic, so I won´t even try to
explain the pain I felt, but her pain must have been much worse, by far, than mine.
All that day and part of the night we cried together and held each other and then
I made up a bed for her in my living room and moved my own beddings next to hers.
Early next morning I called Sunshine, who thankfully lives in the same town as I do. I told
her that Stardust had a serious problem and which one it was. Sunshine went silent and
then she burst into tears. I could feel her pain as she sobbed down the lines. My poor, poor
Daughters. If I had known that their lives were going to be so painful, I would never have
had children. But how could we have known these things beforehand.
Sunshine bought food and brought it up to us. When she saw her sister her lovely olive
skin went white, and she had difficulties to hold her tears.
When Stardust had to smoke again, Sunshine did not want to see her sister ruining herself
and we went upstairs. When Stardust was finished we went downstairs and talked, the
three of us, as we had not talked for years.
Stardust told us that she wanted to give up the heroin, and that this was the reason she had
come home . She gave me what she had left to throw away.
The next day was so horrible that it is impossible to put into words. I made her lemon juice
to drink, because that is cleansing. She could not eat anything. She shook and cried. I held
her and tried to be strong. I massaged her legs that were twitching and kicking. She
howled with pain. She laid in my arms on the matresses on the floor and she cried her self

41
to sleep. I stroke her hair, which she Loves and told her how very much I Love her. When
her legs started kicking I massaged her with my healing oils and then went back to
stroking her hair.

I took out all my gems stones, cleaned them in salt and Moon energized Water, then I held
them and projected Love and more Love into them. I put them in a little silk bag and asked
Stardust to keep them under her pillow. She does not believe too much in her Mother´s
hocus- pocus, never the less she slept with the gems. As soon as she was soundly asleep in
my arms, I would gently untangle my self , I´d go out on the terass, open my hands, look
at the Stars and the Moon, and fill myself with the energy of Cosmos and the healing
powers of the Universe. Then I would go back to my Stardust. I would sit in the Lotus
position with my hands open on my knees and visualize a white healing power entering
my mind and flowing into me through my hands. Through my eyes I sent this power to
Stardust´s mind. I visualized her Pituary gland sending out sparkles of joy to her brain.
Heroin kills this sensation of joy that is spontaneous , but also voluntary. We can set it off
if we know how to. But in Stardust delicate state she was not able to do it her self, which is
why I had to give it to her. Or at least try.. For hours each night, or when ever she fell
asleep from exhaustion, I would sit by her or hold her. And let her feel the Love flowing
from my body to hers. When Stardust felt like it we would find a funny movie on the TV,
and try to disconnect our minds from the present. Just to give them a break, before they
exploded.
Stardust told me that she had tried cold turkey once before but it had not worked. She said
that the cold inside her bones had been too much for her.
She said that here in my house, and in my arms it was a little easier.
“ It is like your house would not admit heroin “ my Stardust said to me.
I have a Makuna plant on the wall in a corner in my living room, where we sleep and live,
whose branches hold the whole room in it´s embrace. There is a hanging plant, also a
Makuna Bean, over the TV . You see the screen through miniture Makuna Leaves. Our
scientists have modified the Makuna Bean into different varieties. You can even have a
Bosai Makuna Bean.
Maybe our life giving Makuna Bean is helping my little Darling heal.

On the fourth day Stardust told me that she could no longer take being locked in. Short of
actually locking the doors and windows, which would be no good any way, as she was the
one who had to want to get well, there was nothing I could do except Love her. She said
her mind was about to explode. She said she had to smoke just a little. She asked me for
money, as she had none. I did not want to give her the money, but if she had to have that
horrible poison, she would have to steel or prostitute her self to get it. While she lived in
Madrid she had been asked many a time if she wanted to become a prostitute and that way
have her heroin secured, she had always said no. In my minds eye I saw some disgusting
man touching her . I gave her the money she needed and taxi money home. My heart was
aching for her. The heroin was stronger than her will. Stardust came home three hours

42
later looking Happier, but soon she fell asleep. She slept the whole night while I practized
my healing powers on her.
The next day we started all over again. I won´t bore you with repetitions, but this went on
for close to two months. During this time she told me a little about the hell she was living.
She told me about the houses where she went to buy the poison and how these criminals
had rooms where the addicts could smoke or inject them selves. She told me how they
would give her some extra heroin to take home with her. Naturally these low lives noticed
that she was trying to kick the habit and that was not in their intrest. I felt like going there
and killing them all. Stardust knew me well and could read my thoughts and told me never
to go close to this neighburhood as these people had no scruples. She said the only thing I
could hope to accomplish was to get myself killed. And then where would she go ?
Besides there were so many people selling this stuff that one less would make little if any
difference. She told me how she had seen an addict lying on the street with his head in
pieces and how the police had just stood there looking at the guy bleeding to death. She
forbade me to go. If I could only have forbidden her to go ¡

For three days we held and Loved and kissed, massaged and had lemon juice. The worst
thing in the whole World is to see your child suffering. My poor little Darling was heart
broken for what she was doing to me. I told her not to worry, that she knew me, that I was
strong and would soon be well again, that the only thing we should think about was getting
her clean of the poison in her system. I made her chicken soup, which was the only thing
she could keep in. Every day Sunshine bought us chicken bones and I would boil them
until all the goodies they contain were in the broth., but Sunshine did not stay, as she could
not take all our pain on top of her own pain. I understood her and so did Stardust. We
could never have got through those first weeks and months if it had not been for her help
and support. Stardust and I were like siamese twins those days. I told my little girl that in
spite of the situation I was feeling Happy, because she was with me and in my arms. I
could once again protect her from the outside World. It was true and it made her feel better
also.

During her roamings in this dark frightening sub World of crime and suffering she had met
a young man, who she said was clean of drugs. He had been an addict but was no longer
one. His name was Angel.

We spent the Summer between feelings of hope and dispair.

I wanted to take my darling to swim with Dolphines, who are very special creatures of
Nature, as I thought that they might restore some of her joy for living and hope for the
future. But she did not want to go so far away. I guess she wanted to know that she could
find heroin when she needed it. But if we went far away with no supply at hand she
thought she could loose her mind. My darling, darling girl, what have you done to your
self. How terribly unHappy you must have been to do it.

43
Slowly Stardust seemed to get better. She even started to read again. The first book she
chose was the one I had written, the one Pure had said was not the right moment to have
published. She said she liked it so much that she could not put it down. I felt very good.
Stardust was feeling better and she liked my book.

At the end of two months Stardust told me that she was ready to go to the coast, which was
only a few hours drive away.
I called Sunshine to ask her if she wanted to come with us on a holiday. She said that she
was working, but would come for the weekend.
We packed our bags full of hope, took a bus and arrived at the beach. There we found a
Lovely two hundred years old farmhouse turned hotel. I had left our IOOI in the hands of a
trusted friend when I went to Madrid to bring Stardust home.
The hotel on the coast was beautifully decorated with antique but comfortable furniture.
The house had been in the same family ever since it was built. You could see it was a
house that was and had been Loved. We settled in after a chat with the lady who was both
the owner and the one who ran the place. Stardust was exhausted so we only went out to
buy some butter and bread to eat. Then we hit the sack.
As I might have mentioned Stardust is very beautiful and found herself a boy friend the
very first day. We were on the beach or shopping all day, but in the night she went out
with this young guy. He was only eighteen years old and looked innocent enough. Things
seemed to be going well, even if Stardust was getting a bit sick of seeing me face. She
never said so but that is the impression I had. Can´t say I blame her.
Sunshine arrived for the weekend and we rented bicycles and pedalled around the village.
We had a lot of fun. On saturday night my Daughters were going out to have fun together.
Thank god they seemed to be getting along much better. Maybe that was the silver lining
to this black black cloud.
When saturday arrived Stardust first went out with the boyfriend while Sunshine and I
played cards on the hotel terass. When Stardust arrived, late, her eyes were all funny and
my heart sank to my bare feet. She had been at it again. And this time she had used a
needle. She had burned the needle hole with a cigarette so that Sunshine and I would not
see it. She was only fooling her self, not us.
Sunshine came home early and very angry. Stardust and she had had a fight. Stardust did
not arrive until the morning.
We had breakfast in angry silence. The girls without looking at one another.
Then fate played us a little trick. The day Sunshine arrived Stardust and I had gone to meet
her at the bus station. In a village none of us had been in before. As the three of us walked
down the street we heard a voice calling "“Emerald Fairy, Emerald Fairy "“ We turned
around towards the voice and there sitting in a truck was a man who worked with us in our
hotel, the IOOI, whom we had not seen since then. At that time we had all become good
friends, actually he had become a part of our family. He parked his truck and came and
had lunch with us. He had us in stitches laughing, until our stomachs hurt. It was so good
to see my Daughters laugh again .

44
As we were walking to the station for Sunshine to take the bus home, the same scene was
repeated. “ Emerald Fairy, Emerald Fairy “ And there he was again. This time we had a
quick breakfast and some more laughs. He got on his truck and Sunshine on her bus.
Fate had reminded us of the good times we have had and can have again.

As far as I know Stardust used heroin only that once in the six days we were on the beach.
She was trying her best and I was trying not to be over protective and untrusting. But
when we came back home again it got increasingly difficult to convince her to stay with
me all day and all night. She went to see her Angel. She seemed Happy and she said he
was good for her.
One evening Stardust was reading my book in a hamock upstairs on the terass, while I was
lying with another book in a hamock downstairs , when Stardust cried out and rushed to
the garden wall.
“ Mummy, there is someone trying to get in “ she called out.
I rushed up and out and called the neighbours. We all looked around for who ever made
the noise. There were no signs of an intruder. Maybe it was a cat, though Stardust swore
she heard someone trying to climb over the wall.
Next morning when I woke up Stardust was still sleeping. I went out on the patio to
breathe the fresh morning Air. The first thing I saw as I opened the door were red Flowers
scattered on the patio. Then I saw two over turned Plants in their broken pots. Stardust was
right someone had been trying to get in last night. Nothing more was broken or missing. I
got dressed and went next door. They had not heard anything and nothing was missing.
I waited for Stardust to wake up. Maybe she knew what had happened. Around noon when
she opened her tiger eyes I asked her what had happened the night before. She told me that
she had again heard something and that she had jumped up on the wall and knocked over
the Plants.
I was very worried about my little girl. I suspected the heroin had damaged her brain and
that she had halluciationes. I told her so. I should have kept quiet though, because she got
furious with me. My heart was banging against my chest. What had I done ?. Why did I
not bite my tongue.?
“ What is the use of trying if you think I am crazy. If you can´t trust me I am going “ And
she went.
I had one of my hysterical crying-raving-begging fits. Of course I blamed myself for
everything.
Stardust came home three days later in a horrible state. She had hurt her foot when we
were on our beach holiday and now it was all infected. She stank of heroin, her clothes
were filthy and her hands and around her mouth were black. She fell asleep fully dressed
on the couch. I could not watch my darling Daughter in that state and slept in the hamock.
Or rather did not sleep in the hamock. Or any place for that matter.
Negative thoughts of dispair and hopelessness were invading my tired mind.
When you are in pain, under hypnosis or unconscious your brain does not analise the
information that might be seeping in. Evil thoughts or even a descarnated soul might take
advantage of this situation. This was the reason for me not wanting to sit in the same

45
room, thinking what I would like to do to the people who are allowed by the state, not only
ours, but most of the states in the world, to sell this poison. It not only kills the victims, but
it totally degrades them. What sort of statesmen, politicians, does this World have to allow
this to happen to the young people? Don´t they realize that their own children could just
as easily fall into the trap as mine or yours?
Stardust refused to see a doctor and I did not know what I could do to help her. I asked my
grandMother, Nectar, and my Mother, Pear Blossom, my Guardian Angels and all my
family to send her strength and joy.
Next morning her foot was so swollen and such an angry red, in spite of me having put
cobwebs on the sores to help them heal, just as I was taught to do on Makuna, that I woke
her up and told her to get dressed and washed. We were headed for the hospital to have her
foot looked at.
The doctor told her that if she did not want to loose her foot, she had to leave the heroin
until the infection was gone. My poor child was in a frightful mess.
We started all over again. The shakes, the swetting, the bad moods and the pain. She had a
horrible pain behind her knees, but they were so sore that she did not even want me to
massage her. What misery my Stardust was in.
For four days we had chicken soup, lemon juice and Flower remedies. I had bought a pair
of canvas shoes that we cut so that Stardust could get her bandaged foot into it. The fifth
day Stardust went out. And I gave her some money. She went to see Angel. And stayed the
night with him. I was so exhausted that I actually slept the whole night.
Stardust stayed with Angel the weekends and with me during the week. She was getting
better, I thought. And she was in Love. This was the best thing that could have happened
to her. I had never doubted the power of Love and now I had to trust it more than ever.
When I saw her I knew if she had taken heroin, but I did not see her very often as Angel
had left his job and Stardust moved in with him. He shared a flat with his brothers, who
were all clean, according to Stardust. I could only believe her. I had met Angel and he
seemed a nice enough guy. I did not know where they lived or what his last name was.
Our only communication was her mobile phone. She answered it sometimes.

At this time I developed a serious case of sympathy pain. When and if Stardust called me
I would ask her, for instance,
“ Is your throat sore, my girl “ and she would answer
“ How do you know “ and I would tell her that mine was too. This sort of “ coincidence “
kept happening time and again, until I understood that coincidence had nothing to do with
it. Stardust had grown inside me and I had always felt very close to both of my children.
But Sunshine had not allowed this closeness and with time I learned not to feel this special
pain, the Mother pain, in sympathy with her.
This was not the case with Stardust. She did not understand it but she permitted it.
Whenever I had a sore throat, though I knew the reason was that Stardust had smoked too
much heroin, I would have spoonfuls of honey and chew a clove of garlic. I´d chew it as
fast as I could,because it was vvery strong. Then I would try to swallow the mash as
slowly as I could, so that it would scrape my throat.

46
When my liver hurt, it could be because I was so angry with life in general and hard drugs
in particular. Or it could be because my little Stardust had got hold of stuff that was more
poisonous than usual. The poison passed through her blood, her liver cleaned it, and
screwed up her liver in the process. This was the usual reason for our liver pains. When it
happened I´d eat artichokes. I even drank the water I boiled them in. I¨d also do
visualizing. I¨d see her, Stardust´s, liver all red and inflamed. Then I¨d breath in through
the top of my head, bright white, healing light.This light would go from my mind straight
through Strádust´s liver. The light would whirl around her liver, then I´d breath out
through my mouth black, dirty and polluted Air. This I would do until I felt better, which
in it´s turn meant that Stardust felt better.This way I tried to help my poor little girl to
suffer a tiny bit less. I hoped.

Some relationships between Mothers and Daughters can be very very close. I only talk
about Mothers and Daughters because that is all I know about. The case is probably the
same with Sons. Anyway, if this special sort of relationship is allowed to grow it can
become so intimate that you can read each others feelings and minds. Stardust and I had
had a few years break, when things were not going too smoothly, never-the-less she now
allowed me this intimate relationship and it grew stronger and stronger.

Stardust and Angel rented a flat together, they did not have enough privacy in his brothers
´house, Stardust said. Understandable, when you are in Love, what you spend most of your
time doing is making Love. You don´t want other people around.

Stardust had lost a lot of weight and I was so worried. I hardly ever saw her. And when I
did she was pale and drawn. She said that Love was very tiring and also that they fought a
lot. He was very possesive and Stardust is an independent girl. She said he never left her
alone and that he was suspisious of everything. She complained that he did not give her
Space to breathe. But that she was in Love with him. I tried to explain to her that Angel´s
family was very different from ours and that you have to learn everything in life, including
trust.
I could see that her health was declining, though she swore she hardly ever had heroin,
except when they fought. That was at least once a week. I wonder if she used the fighting
or maybe even provoked it so that she had an excuse, to herself, to have heroin.
When she was in a bad state is also when she forgot to take the Flower medicine I had
made for her. The fish biting it´s own tail. How could I get her to break this circle ?

Then Stardust got fleas. She was over run by them. Her scalp and her body were full of
bleeding sores. Her Vibrational level was so low that she attracted this low life. I tried hard
to convince myself that the reason she had fleas was that their mission was to suck out her
heroin tainted blood. After all Nature is very smart. Look at the communication there is
between plants. Scientists have been able to prove this by putting electrodes on the Leaves
of plants. When there is a danger approaching, insects that lay their larva on their Leaves,
they send signals to each other. The ones that are in danger of having their Leaves eaten

47
make poison, that keeps the insects away. Or they close their Leaves and there is no place
for the insects to lay their eggs. Similary there is a communication between Plants and
animals, and between animals and animals. Why wouldn´t there be signals sent by a sick
body, human in this case, to fleas, to come and suck out dirty blood. Anyway, this is what
I tried to tell myself.
Stardust had not had her period for nearly two years. Maybe, just maybe this was the
reason she could not get rid of the fleas. Nature is very wise. She covered her body with
lotions that she bought in the farmacy. Her skin was as dry as paper. Stardust, who was
now twentythree years old was getting wrinkles in her face.
She told me that all her clothes and bedding were infected as well. I begged her to come
home. I swore that we could get her well , together, but she did not want to leave Angel.
And she was back to living her life in the nighttime. She knew how important day light is
for your health. But knowing and saying is very different from acting. My flearidden
beautiful skinny Daughter and her Angel moved into another flat. Without fleas. They
painted and scrubbed, she told me. I never saw it nor do I know where it was, this new flat
of theirs.
I only talked to her twice a week. She was too busy with her new flat, she said.
One day when she finally picked up the phone I could hear on her voice that something
was very wrong. Slowly I managed to draw out of her that their flat had been broken into
while they were in it. Two of her drug addict friends had broken the door with an axe and
put a gun to my Daughters head. They had been robbed of most of their Wordly goods.
Stardust and Angel fled to Angels brothers´ apartement where they would not be found by
the drugged thieves, their friends.

Most drug addicts end up in jail at one time or another. Jails are no fun, I am sure. I was
afraid that my little, or not so little Daughter, would end up between bars. And then there
would really be nothing I could do.

This reminds me of the system we have on Makuna for people who get themselves into
trouble. There is a small Island just a few minutes by rowing boat from the mainland. Two
thousand or so years ago it was nothing but a big rock in the Sea, but through time and
with the help of the Makuna Bean it has turned into a fertile Island. This is where wrong
doers, did you think we had none ?, are reclused. There they have to fend for themselves.
If they want to eat they have to grow their own food. And cook it. Whatever they need or
want they have to look after each other and themselves. It is not a hard life for them. But it
is boring. This empty time they hopefully use to contemplate what they have done to end
up on Lonely Island. There they also learn, supposedly, the value of freedom and property.
Their own and other peoples. Of course because of their wrong doing they have lost their
Vibrational control. And most of them have also lost the ability to travel in the Astral.The
more intelligent ones use their time to develope skills that they can use once they are free
again. And their brain capacity. For some there is little hope and others leave Lonely
Island much better people. Lonely Island is surrouded by an unpenetrable shield and it is
divided in two. One part for women and another for men. They are separated by another

48
unpenetrable shield. No children are born on this Island , we, as a society believe that
having children is both a gift and a responsibility. We believe that genes play an important
role in our lives and if two people with criminal genes have children, the ones who suffer
are the children. If this were so in your World I bet the problems that we all face today
with your two big religions fighting for supremacy by numbers, would be smaller. There
are no guards on Lonely Island. There it is each to his own. When you do something
wrong on Makuna, you know what you get into and you know the consequences. Each
crime has it´s stipulated time of punishment. When you have done this time your family
comes to get you and takes responsibility for you. If you commit another crime after this
your punishment is twice as long as stipulated.

Stardust told me that she had been lying in bed in shock for two days. My poor little
darling. And I wasn´t there to hold her.
I offered her and her boyfriend a little house that I had bought and fixed up. I begged them
to accept it.
And they did. This tiny house is very close to my house. They Love it, they say. I feel
better when I can visualize Stardust in known surroundings. It is easier to have her
physically close to me.
She has got rid of her parasites, but my god, how skinny she is. She often has a bath in my
house, while I sit on the throne and talk to her. She looks like she had just been let out
from Buchenwald. My heart aches for her. I was sure that heroin kills the immune system.
My heart has shattered and the pieces had turned to stone in order to be able to take the
pain that bombards it from all sides. But that does not prevent it from bleeding from the
pain my Daughters feel. I regretted having brought Stardust into this World where she did
not want to live. My sole purpose in life had always been, at least when I was not too
wrapped up in my own pain, to make my children Happy people.

Stardust left for the Basque country, because whom she calls her best friend, the man who
is the cause of the dislike my Daughters feel for each other, had to have an operation on
his eyes. He is a drug addict. The drugs have apparently affected his eyes. He might loose
his sight. He claims that Stardust is the only person he can talk to. I hope with all my heart
that she will be strong enough not to let herself be talked into having heroin with this
misfit. I asked my Guardian Angels to give her strength enough for both of them. My
Mother, Pear Blossom, will no doubt be at her side to Love and care for her. I wish I could
be with her, but the feelings between this person and myself are not positive. I think he is
evil. But intelligent, which is a very dangerous combination. Stardust is also intelligent,
but she is a good and Loving person. She is now full of joy for life, she is in Love, but he
is negative and viscious. And he comes from a family that supports terrorism in the
Basque country.
This makes me think of the two words conviction and convict. If your convictions are
strong and wrong, how can terror be right, you end up a convict. Hopefully. Nobody
should be allowed to terrorize anybody else. Men here often terrorize women by their
physical strength. They also often terrorize their children. If they were on Makuna they

49
would feel the same terror that many a woman and child feel for them, on Lonely Island.
Maybe they would rethink their ways then. Who knows.

Stardust came back home after a horrible time in the Basque country. She was sad and
down. Her friend lost one eye. This loss brought out his darker side, the side I had seen. It
brought out all the hate and violence he had in him. When Stardust called me on the phone
I could hear that something was very wrong. Little by little, during the week she stayed
there her voice got sadder and sadder and she told me that her friend had changed. I asked
her if she did not think that it would be a good idea to come home and think things
through. Then, after eight days, that had seemed like weeks for her, she said, she came
home . To her Angel. And to me. Her facial expression had fallen, her mouth did not
smile. She needed all the Love we could give her, to prevent her unHappiness to over take
her. I talked to Angel and he seemed to understand.

It was already december and cold. I thought this was the right time to prune the Jasmine
and and the Wisteria that cover my terass and little garden. All the Leaves of the Wisteria
had fallen ,only the Jasmine was still Lovely and green. But they needed some Loving care
to survive what promises to be a cold Winter. Plants are so beautifully grateful and show
their appreciation so ambudantly in Spring, that it is a pleasure to look after them. And
Nature is so intelligent. Now that the Sun does not light and warm us up like in Summer,
the Leaves fall off to let in maximum light. And warmth. Nature never does anything in
vain.

I had looked for Fairies before among my Flowers, but had not been able to see any. Now
the garden is more cared for and has more Plants and I thought that my Fairy friends
would like it better. I sat down on a pillow on the terass floor and let my mind drift to
Makuna. I don´t know how long I sat under my woollen poncho in the Lotus position,
playing on my flute, hovering in my mind over the cool dark Winter lakes of Makuna.
When I looked up I saw three almost transparent Fairies among the Winter greenery .
What a beautiful sight. I felt light and I wanted to join them. I tried but could not.
Through the colors of their Auras they told me not to worry. They told me that they would
come back often. I was so Happy I could have danced and would have but I did not want
to scare away my new Rainbow colored friends. The dancing could wait. Now I would
enjoy the Grace and Peace that took hold of my Spirit. I had forgotten this wonderfilled
feeling of Harmony with Gaia. I felt like the luckiest person on Earth. The Fairies played
and joked with me. I admired their beautiful clothes. Their dresses and pants were made of
cobweb. The finest velvet cobweb you can possibly imagine. Skirts of translucent light
reflecting cobweb gauze. So light and so fine that I could not feel it. They would come and
sit on my shoulders or my hands and I could feel my weight decreasing. I felt light, but not
yet in control. One day, I knew, I would be able to join them. Once again I would be able
to leave my mind behind and only feel the unity with Nature.

50
I told no one, not even Stardust. She was still sad and depressed, though not as much as
when she arrived. Occasionally she smiled and that made my stony heart warm.
I did not think this was a good moment to let her know that I had Fairies in my garden.
She would have thought that her Mother, the Emerald Fairy, had finally gone mad. I can
hear her saying “ Come on Mother, Fairies only exist on Makuna, there´s too much
pollution here. “

Every evening I would take out a pillow, hide myself under my poncho, with my bag of
heated cherry seeds and my flute with only my face showing and wait for my friends.
These were the best moments of the day. They did not come every day but when they did,
it was like Magic.
After a month or so of watching the Fairies and letting them amuse me and highten my
Spirits, I felt that I was ready to join them. I closed my eyes and let my mind go blank. I
saw myself hovering over Winter Flowers in Fir Town on Makuna. I relaxed and smelt the
Flowers. When I opened my eyes, after a few minutes in Makuna , I found myself in my
own little garden with my Fairy friends around me. My mind and my body were hidden
under the poncho and I was FREE. For ten minutes we flew over Flowers and Plants,
between Leaves and Jasmine smell. I felt whole. I was one with Nature . I was Nature.

Back home on Makuna I had been able to reduce my size to the size of my namesakes, but
this art I obviously still had to practise. I was not worried, I knew that one day I would be
able to do that as well. One thing I knew would help me was laughter. On Makuna we
were taught that laughter was one of the best ways to highten your Vibrational level.
It is not always so easy to find things to laugh about , specially when your heart and mind
constantly see images of suffering. The suffering of mankind, or should I say womankind,
the “ weltschmertz or lebenschmertz “ we all struggle with. Your friend the Emerald Fairy
could not abolish the sight of her Stardust slowly killing herself smoking heroin. For years
I had been working on controlling my mind, and I had done well, but the task of ridding
my mind´s eye and my heart of the Buchenwald image of Stardust was so far
unsurmountable. If my mind was not occupide by work or a book or a funny movie on TV
I was enveloped by the same black haze that Stardust was. Someone rightly observed that I
was as hooked on Stardust as Stardust was on heroin. That gave me food for thought. I
came to the conclusion that this was so. I was a junkie. Hooked for life on the Love I felt
for my Daughters.

Did you know that smells are Vibrational as well ? The molecules of the substance that
smells vibrate to a certain level or number. This vibration is caught by your nostrils that in
their turn activates cells in your brain. This is how we recognize different smells and
scents and they evoke our feelings more than anything else does. I call this molecular
sense of smell.

Sounds vibrate as well. This I am sure that you all know. Pear Blossom was able to break
a drinking glass by singing a certain tone. This is how the pyramids of Egypt were built.

51
Not by the Pharaoes, as is usually assumed, who just used what they found, but by the
Atlanteans, as they are called. These very advanced people knew how reach the zero
gravity of the huge blocks of stone and levitate them into position, but I already mentioned
that ,didn´t I. But as it is important I mentioned it once again.

My Spirit felt so light that I was able to transmit calm and Peace to my lovely Daughters. I
hoped it helped them. One day when Stardust came to see me she had a smile on her
beautiful face. Her expression was different and her tiger eyes with their dark blue border
around the iris, were clear. She was getting better. She said she had herion only once or
twice a week and only half or sometimes a third or the minimum dose of methadone a day.
When Sunshine called I told her the good news. I could hear on her voice how Happy it
made her. I also told her that Stardust was beginning to see what her so called best friend
was really like. I did not go into details, as I had very few, and I felt it was up to Stardust
to tell her Sister when she was ready.

I was so Spiritually inspired that I was allowed to make a reinvention. I say reinvention
because Nature in it´s infinite Wisdom had already invented it. I had just observed and
taken notice. The fruit was a very small, batteryless hearing aid. I asked a friend with
hearing imparement to try it for me. It worked.
I contacted a lawyer friend for advice. He said that I should patent it.
I bought two tickets for London, and we were off.
We did the patenting bit. The invention was published in a medical magazine.

Meanwhile I got a letter from three publishers who wanted to publish my book.
All of a sudden life had made a sharp turn and everything seemed to be going fantastically.
Stardust was so much better. She was more responsible, she seemed to think, don´t forget
that she is only twenty three, of the consequences of her possible acts, before acting.
Sunshine´s voice sounded very well, maybe she was getting to terms with her goasts.
One day she would be able to forgive, if not forget, what had happened to her. Maybe she
would even be able to tell me, her Emerald Fairy.

Then fate dealt us another terrible blow.

My Lovely little Daughter came to see me and I could immediately see that she had again
had heroin. She was in tears. I could barely understand what she was trying to tell me. The
gist of her problem, beside that horrible poison that she was hooked on, was that she owed
the peddlers of death a lot of money. They had given her credit, of course these street
smart individuals had spotted that she came from a decent family and that there was some
money to be had. I had told her some time ago that I would not give her any more money,
as I felt that I, her Mother, was helping to kill her by giving her money. Stardust cried,
begged and in the end got furious with me. She told me that she was going to be beaten to

52
pulp if she did not pay these low lives what she owed them. Naturally I did not want this to
happen.
My poor little Stardust was sitting in front of the fireplace shaking. She was crying, snot
was pouring out of her nose, dribble out of her mouth and tears out of her eyes. Her body
was desperately trying to get rid of the heroin in her blood, well, in her whole body.
“ Mother I need to go, I need heroin “ cried my girl. All I could do was look at her. She
was terribly sick, but she did not want to listen to me or anybody else. As usual she knew
best
One minute she was insulting me, the next one begging, but what she did most was trying
to intimidate me. She was trying to make me think that all that was happening was my
fault.She threatened to take a box of sleeping pills to end her misery. Not just this time, but
other times as well.
“ If I wanted to I could steal everything you have, you should be grateful that I love you
too much to do that “ Stardust said.
It was so pathetic, she had already stole anything I had of value.
But all this talk was not what hurt me most. I knew she was too sick to know what she
was saying. What really was killing me was that this was not the first time I heard these
unpleasant words. Nor was Stardust the first one to tell them to me.
They were repetitions, almost to the word of the way her Father( he does not really
deserve a capital letter ) used to intimidate me and eat away at my selfconfidence. It was
not only that this happening in the same way to me twice, indicating to me, already low in
confidence, that I was so f...ing stupid that the same trick could be pulled on me twice.
What really topped these horrible sessions off was when I was so unHappy that all I could
do was silently cry, then Stardust would put her arm around me and say that she Loved
me.
Now , either I have got things ass backwards or Love has nothing what-so-ever to do with
mortally wounding a person with words. At least there was a difference right there from
her Father. He never said he Loved me, just what a stupid cow I was.
If Stardust, or her Father for that matter had stuck a blunt knife slowly into my heart I
would have felt nowhere close to the pain their words caused me.
Contrary to evidence, I knew exactly what was going on and that both of them, at their
time, were conning me. I felt so thouroughly miserable, that had I been more of a coward,
I would have done what Stardust was threatening me with. The song “ Goodbye cruel
world , I am off to join your circus, I am going to be a broken hearted clown.” seemed
written just for me.
After having lost my children during two years, what now seemed eons ago , I thought that
I would and could never feel as unHappy and desolute as that again. HA, what a mistake I
made there. Looking back, that was nothing. We were all alive and I Loved my Daughters
so much, that they would one day return to me. Also I had my Lovely Mother, Pear
Blossom, to comfort and assure me. Now I was as alone as I used to be in my nightmare
when I was a child. A pinprick in the immensity.

53
And all this deseperation was brought on by, first money, because had she had that false
god in her pocket this terrible humiliation would not have taken place, and then the
heroin......

And now I was supposed to know if this money she so desperately needed was for heroin
or was she conning me again. How could I know if this money really went to pay off her
supposed debt. Or was she just desperate in her need for heroin. Addicts are notorious
liars, so let´s see if the weight of her egoism stands up to her consciousness, or will it be
the other way around. Again I did not know what to do. Most the people and events that
take place in your life, you have attracted. Just as you attract Love, you attract hate. Be it
Love, hate, tabacco or heroin, if you can´t get it you get first frustrated, then you get angry.
After anger comes a feeling of being let down. If you let these negative feelings invade
you, it eventually leads to self destruction. Never for a minute forgetting that you yourself
have attracted this in the first place. This applies to Stardust as well as to Emerald Fairy.
There is small doubt in my mind that the first grave mistake I made was in choosing the
man I chose to be the genetic procreator of my children. But that is the easy way out. I
must have made a million other mistakes as well. When you are as lost as I am now, not to
talk about Stardust, you do not think straight. Just as you don´t think straight when you are
in Love. In my mind this raises a serious question. Why do we fall in Love ? And why don
´t we remember that being in Love is nothing but physical desire. Should we not have
learned by now that to procreate we have to Love ? First we should fulfill our desires, and
when the first wild passion has been spent, if you still Love the one you are in Love with,
then you can start thinking about procreating. If you have not got hooked on the Love
making by this time, that is. So how do we distinguish between being in Love, Loving and
making Love ? When and if you find out, let me and the World know. Please.
Now it only remains to be seen what we will do with these highly unpleasant events we
have attracted.
Will we find our way back to the light. Light or Love, call it what you like, being the
electromagnetic energy that keeps Gaia in her orbit.? Of course we will. Never forgetting
the power of positive thinking and Love. And never doubting. Easier said than done¡
To be a Mother must be the hardest work there is on our Planet.

When I watch the news on TV, once in a while a token ton or two of cocain or heroin is
captured by the police . Part of it is burned. But, another part is taken into custody by the
police. The police then sell it to the big pushers, who in their turn sell it to the street
peddlers the users. The town we live in there are at least twentyfive, that Stardust and
yours truly, who has had her eyes peeled, places that sell it. Some of the houses of these
peddlers of death are custodied by the police. This I know for certain, because I make it
my business to know.

Obviously the politicians are not interested in seeing this thoroughly dirty and dangerous
business stopped. For economic reasons. Also I suspect in their minds the jobless youth is

54
controlled by their addiction. And it is quite clearly the opposite. It breeds more and more
crime as ever increasing numbers of unemployed and often uneducated youth get hooked.
Almost 90 % of the people in jail are there because of drugs. There is quite clearly no hope
of the leaders of our country, the World, to take action, as long as there is such an
enourmous profit to be made. By everyone involved. The ones of us who see this terrible
danger hanging over us have an and obligation to take action of some sort.

In my desesperation I, Emerald Fairy, a nobody, have decided as a last resource to write to

our Queen and beg her to use her good influence on the leaders of her and our, country.

8th December 2001

My Dear Queen,

I hope I find You and Your Family in good health.

I apologize for writing in English, I do it more fluently in this language than in the
language of our Lovely country.
Let me introduce myself. My name is Emerald Fairy. I moved to Your country when my
older Daughter, who is now twenty seven years old, was only a little toddler of a year in
age.
We have even met fleetingly in the bewitched town we live in, when You honored us with
Your presence.
I have written to You once before concerning social injustices in our fair town.As You
cared enough to answer my letter, I feel bold enough to write again
This time our country´s concern are the hard drugs.
I will try to make this letter as short as possible, as I know You are a very busy person.
I am a divorced mother with two Daughters. When they had both turned twenty I thought
that I was one of the lucky Mothers whose children had been smart enough not to fall onto
the desperate endless road of drugs. But when they moved to the capital to study, my, and
any mother´s worst fears were revived.
In any town or city in our beautiful World the young, still tender minded students in our
Universities and schools are required to study many of the most negative of authors,
philosophers and other doomsday writers.
These students already have a very small chance of ever finding a job in their chosen field.
Their future is grim and they know it.

My younger Daughter, then only twenty one years old, got into bad company. Her so
called friends were a radical, violent group of people. They injected the first dose of
heroin into her system. I know, she could have said NO, but she did not. Once she was
hooked it was easy to indoctrinate her in discontent and violence.

55
I wonder if You know the connection there is between hard drugs, specially heroin, arms
and the street violence in the Basque country. This is how the future killers of ETA are
recruited.
I cannot understand how our politicians can be so short sighted as not to understand that
admitting these killer drugs on the streets of our beautiful country can only bring it into
chaos. In my humble opinion the only way to fight this terrible ill, that affects not only our
country but the whole world, is to legalize it. Once it is legal half of it´s “ morbo “ is gone.
Treating drug addicts a sick persons would also reduce the underground glamour of these
two killer drugs . Cocain and heroin.
From an economical view it would also be a good move. Less and less people smoke
cigarettes, less taxes come in. Legalizing the hard drugs gives the state the business and
the taxes.
80-90 % of the heroin on todays markets comes from Afganistan. Now is the right
historical moment for the world to do something.
As a last resort I, and thousands of mothers, beg You, please, to use Your good influence
on our politicians and the United Nations to save our children from being destroyed and in
the long road, our country as well. I feel that You love Your country as much as I do. But
not as much as we love our children. Please, please save the ones that can still be saved.

Your forever faithful subject;

Emerald Fairy

In the end I made a deal with Stardust, who had always known how to twist her old, that
is how I feel now, Mother around her little finger. I would give her the money if she went
on a state program for drugaddicts. Most of the other detox clinics are religious and
Stardust says she does not want to change from one addiction to an other. Fair enough.
Many of the detox clinics around the World, are run by religious sects. In the history of
our World there has been many an example of just how dangerous some sects can be.

I gave her the money and next morning we made a date for nine o´clock. She was going to
join the methadone program. As the amount of methadone she takes was small, I thought
the danger would be surmountable. You see, methadone is also a drug, only it is made by
pharmaceutical companies. Legal companies. This drug is so bad that if you are deprived
of it, just like heroin and cocain, you are ready to kill to get it. This I had from the horse´s
mouth, so to say, from a neighbour who knows what he talks about. If you get my drift.
What hiprocrisy.
If we, as humans, could remember Spiral thinking and have a Spiral conception of time,
maybe we would not continue to commit the same mistakes, in different forms, over and
over again. Our way of thinking just closes the Circle time after time. Which is the reason
we always wipe ourselves out. Eon after eon we have been saved by beings from outer
Spaces. On Makuna we are thought both Spiral thinking and a Spiral conception of time.
Not everbody remembers it, or understands it, nor practices it, but we are all taught it.

56
I seemed to have got sidetrecked again.
Stardust and I had a date for 9 am.
She never turned up. I went and knocked on her door, don´t forget that she now lives very
close to me. No answer. I thought she was sleeping so soundly after all the stress of the
debt.
Sometimes I was just so stupidly innocent, that I even amazed myself. I went out to have
breakfast. On my way home I was stopped by a friend, who is a street sweeper.
"You know I think of you as a sister “ he said “ that is why I have to tell you this.“ My
heart stopped.
“ Your Daughter is very hooked on heroin “ he said.
“ I know “ I answered. “ When have you seen her ? “ I asked him.
“ This morning “ he said. I thanked him for being a good friend.
I was furious. I practically ran home. I took the spare key to her house. In normal
circumstances I would never have opened her door without her permission. But these were
not normal circumstances.
“ Open the door Stardust “ I called “ or I will open it with my key. She opened the door
and the World crumbled down on my shoulders. She was completely out of it. She had
yellow pus coming out of both her dull eyes. She was black in the face and so were her
hands. She was hunched over like an old woman, with lines in her beautiful twentythree
year old face.
“ You have been smoking “ I observed in an angry voice. Stardust had seen me angry only
twice in her life. She got scared from the look in my eyes and moved back and I moved
into her house. There I see Angel sitting with the aluminium paper in his grubby hand.
“ What sort of a low pimp are you that you live off your girlfriend “ I said to him with
pure hate in my eyes. He just sat there. I felt like physically attacing him. I wanted to claw
his eyes out with my long green nails. I knew I should not allow these destructive feelings
to overwhelm me, but in that moment it was impossible to control. The accumulated hate
for wrongdoings, heroin and corruption poured out of my eyes. Had he not been so out of
it, he would have been scared .
“ Do you know that you have made me into a murderer, I am now killing my own
Daughter. You never had any debt, did you. You lied to me “ I said to Stardust, as if that
was news.
“ What have you got against me ? “ asked the Angel, who now seemed to have noticed
that there was somebody else in the house. Now I knew he was a black Angel.
“ Stardust “ I said “ I do not want that creep in my house. “
“ It is my house “ Stardust observed.
“ Oh, it it , where is the rent then ?.” her hard Mother asked.
I stood in the entrance staring at the low life my Lovely Daughter, because before the
heroin entered the picture Stardust was the most generous and considerat Daughter any
Mother could wish for, had attracted to herself. The Vibrational level of her Spirit, Soul
and mind was at it´s minimum. Both Spirit and Soul is energy and according to scientists
all over the World, yours and mine, energy does not disappear, it might transform, but not

57
disappear. Does this mean that next time around ( when we re-incarnate ) we do so at the
level our energy was when we moved on ? Does a damaged Soul attract a deteriorated
mind and body ? In my mind there is no doubt that the mind determines how our body
functions. Does this mean that if your mind generates lots of energy, you attract even
more of the same stuff ? All very unclear. Look at that word for a second. Unclear-
nuclear. Does this mean that a man like Nobel who discovered the splitting of the atom
had a clear mind, whereas the man who used this Knowledge, and turned it into a
destructive weapon, had an unclear or nuclear mind ? A mind tinted with hate perhaps ?
So many questions and no answers.

I won´t bore you with repeating our monotonous, short and cold, day to day conversations.
For five days she promised to get him to move out, gently. It appears that heroin and
cocain lower the seratonin levels that the brain emits. This in turn makes the victim,
because victims they are, violent. And also it now turns out that he is a thief. This was my
first impression of him. Very skinny, small and with hard look in his face. The first time I
saw him, in my mind´s eye I saw him climbing out a window. My first impression had
been right. As they usually are.
Each midday, which is when Stardust wakes up, and I went to knock on her door I
expected there to be a deathly silence.. Each and every night I saw her, in my equally sick
mind, lying on her bed with pus covered eyes and black and dead with worms crawling out
of her little Rose mouth. And every day as I saw her my only thought was “ She is alive “
Will our nightmare never end. I still belived her when she told me she was getting rid of
Angel. What choice did I have. It was hoping and believing or going mad.
I asked her about the deal we had made. Stardust told me that as soon as this petty theif,
my words not hers, was out, she would fulfill her part.
Stardust had always written poems, as so many of us have when we were younger, she
even had a book of poems published, all of them very sad. During her first year of
addiction I could not read one of them without crying. I did not know at that time about
her problem, I just knew that she was very unHappy.
The deal we had made was that my little Stardust would write about the hell she had and
was going through. This document of suffering was to be included in my tale about
Makuna. She said she was very excited and that she was glad that we had a project that we
could work together on.

Meanwhile back on the ranch, that is my little house, I continued my relationship with my
Fairies. This was the only way I could let off the pressure I had in my head. I noticed that
my Flowers and Plants were thriving. They obviously liked the joy my Fairies brought to
them. There seemed to be a communication between them. Just as there seems to be an
interaction between Dolphines and humans. Dolphines have X-ray sight. They know how
to hone in on a human´s sick organ and cure it with a sort of electromagnetic wave.
Somehow everything in Nature is connected.

58
When dusk arrived and the Sun was about to set I wrapped myself up in warm clothes. I
stood on my upper terass and watched the Sun´s slow setting behind the mountains,
suspending our medieval town in the mist rising from the river, silueted against the orange,
red , pink and purple cloud formations. The haze moved through the valley. The cathedral
seemed to float between the mist and the colorful clouds. The bewitched hour, I called it.
This was the time of day the Fairies came out. The noises died down and the troubles of
the day disolved in the coming dusk.

My Vibrational level took a blow with Stardust´s latest problems. I had taken to sleeping
with a Crystal clenched in my hand, hoping it would transmit some of the Wisdom
Crystalized in it. When my Crystals had become compleately clear, as transparent as a
window, I would change them. I figured that it had given me what I could absorbe. I did
not feel any wiser, still I never doubted that some of the Wisdom was hidden away in my
subconscious. It was up to me to draw it out when I needed it. How I would do it I was not
sure. I seemed to have forgotten most of the essential Knowledge I had been given on
Makuna. No doubt the reasons were many. A bad Life style, negative thought, alcohol
and I´m sure, a long etc.

Stardust was so annoyed that her Emerald Fairy, as she took to calling me, now as skinny
as herself, was interfering in her life, that she did not want to see me. In her opinion I was
sticking my nose where it was not called for. Of course that was true. I was interfering,
but I could see that she was in too deep to solve things by herself.
.

. This disgusting stuff not only ruins their bodies for the rest of their lives, it also screws
up their minds. Stardust was a very intelligent girl but now her brain works, when it does,
along alien lines. Lines that only another addict can understand. This was one of the
reasons it was so difficult for her to get rid of the dark and sick Angel. Plus his potential
violence and the possibility of revange. He did not want to leave.
How could I explain to my Daughter, who did not want to understand, that she simlply had
to change the chip. That she had to try to use other routes of thinking, create new
highways. She would have to force herself not to use the old routes, and by doing so they
would slowly crumble. How could I get her to eat and drink well, to read and theorize in
order to nourish the new circuits, in her brain, of Knowledge and eventually Wisdom?
How to do it?
If she could only learn from the bad things, not only her heroin problem but other things as
well,from the past and then make a conscious effort to forget. And never to dwell on
negativity. It is all so easy to say, but can we learn, or remember how to do it.?

The Earth is an electric motor and an electric generator. Us humans? are also energy
driven, should we not be able to generate positive energy ??? But how to teach it is the
question.

59
Stardust used to be the sweetest and most outgoing person I knew, but now all she could
think of was money and heroin and how to get the two. She was ashamed of her behavior
but she was incapable of changing it. She still refused to go and see a doctor or one of the
institutions that deal with addicts. She still thought she could handle it herself.

I knew how to draw strength from Nature and the Universe, but Stardust had forgotten this
essential lesson. She no longer noticed the beauty that surrounded her. She no longer
looked up at the Stars wondering how far away they were. No longer did she feel the
immensity of the Universe. She only felt the craving of her body and her poor exhausted
mind.

Emerald Fairy was desperate. I felt that Stardust´s time was running out. Her little skinny
body would not be able to take the abuse much longer. I was afraid, that is a mild word for
what I felt, that her mind would give way and not be able to recover.

Every day I got letters from companies and private people who wanted to buy my patent.
The sums I was offered were very big. What would I do with that much money ?

Once, many years ago I had worked in a childrens´ home in India. The people who ran it
were not doing it too well. During the year I had been there I had seen many things I
thought were incorrect and fraudulent. I had told them so. We did not part as the best of
friends.

I called India and talked to these people. I asked them if they wanted to sell the home and
it´s grounds. They said they wanted to talk it over and to call them again next Sunday.

Next Sunday I was on the phone to India again. They had talked and had decided that they
wanted to sell. I asked them if they had thought of a price. They told me which it was. I
thought it was high. During the week that the prospective sellers had been thinking I had
been on the phone to a good friend I had made when I lived there. He had found out about
prices and future responsibilities as owner of a childrens´ home
I got the price pulled down to two thirds of what sellers had asked for. We made the deal
on the phone. I borrowed money against my hearing aid patent and sent the sellers one
tenth of the price. They in turn sent me a paper from the required authoroties in India.

As far as I was concerned I knew my asking price for the patent. I would double the
buying price for the childrens´ home and put it into order. This sum was still only a
fraction of what I had been offered. Now I had to choose the correct buyer. As far as I

60
could see there was only one I would consider. The United Nations. They would see to it
that the poorest people had access to my invention. But I needed money for the home so
maybe some agreement could be reached. I was told that there was no problem. To make
things even better they offered me all the help I needed with my childrens´ home.

One of the reasons that I wanted no money for myself was simlpy because I was sure that
money brought no Happiness. As a matter of fact having too much money brings nothing
but misery. The money I had inherited I had shared in equal shares between Sunshine,
Stardust and myself. Sunshine had spent her money, but only a part of it , on runing away
from her self. Or maybe finding herself. Who can say ?
Stardust had spent every cent on heroin.
As far as my little family was concerned, we would continue as before. All three of us had
the same amount of money, a month, to live on from our hotel , the IOOI. No luxuries. If
any of us wanted them, we would have to save to get them.
As you might imagine this move did not make me very poular with my Daughters, who
had imagined, I suppose, a life of eating grapes and farting.
Life had taught me that you had to work for what you wanted otherwise you did not
appreciate it. Anyway it was too late now. I had been sneaky and made the deal without
telling anyone, except my lawyers. Now I have two lawyers, my friend and an
international one.

Stardust´s black Angel finally moved out. I was so Happy. Maybe there was a chance now
that Stardust would get her shit together and let me take her to a detox clinic. HaHa.
Instead it got worse.
Both Sunshine and Stardust had many friends that became our family friends They all tried
talking, cajouling, begging her to realize what she was doing to herself. But all to no avail.
They soon gave up. Stardust was not interested. She was just fine and liked heroin.
Her old, true friends disappeared, most of them anyway. There is still one friend, of the
man-man sex who is helping me gather information on detox places. There are lots of
them around, but I have been told, reliable scources, that some of them are sects that
capture the unfortunate victims of society.
Neither of us had given up hope that one day my little Stardust would come to her senses.
When you Love somebody the last thing you give up is the faith you have in the person.
Wheat, that is the name of our friend, and Emerald Fairy had wagonfulls of faith in
Stardust.

At this stage in time Stardust was completely broke. She still called me on her mobile
phone every three days or so. My heart soared each time I heard her voice. She was alive
so there was still hope. She no longer lived in the small house close to me. Now she lived
in the part of town where most of the drugs were sold. Close to the scorce. She came to her
house once or twice a week to have a shower and change clothes. But she only came to see
me to bring me her dirty laundry. Sometimes we had a cigarette together. I had started to
smoke again. Bad move, I know. I had thought Stardust was skinny before, but now she

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was just skin and bones.What in gods name could I do to help her? I was back to crying,
begging, raving. I had never forgotten to thank the powers that be when Stardust was
better. I had made that into my nightly routine. Now I was back to asking, ask and you
shall be given it says in your Holy book, the Cosmic powers and the Universal energy to
look after my Stardust.
The rent she recieved from our hotel, the IOOI, was no longer enough to keep her . I gave
her toilet paper, lighters and tabacco.
Then she ran out of gas for her water heater and came to my house to have her every three-
days shower. She no longer wanted me to sit on the throne and talk to her. She was always
in a rush. Stardust would sit in front of the fireplace to warm her frozen bones. She shook
and cried and spit big green-yellow oysters saying
“ I have to leave, I have to find money for heroin”
“ Do the moments of feeling good with heroin really make up for how bad you feel now “
I asked my Daughter. She did not answer but continued to shake and cry.
We had harsh words as well when I would not give her money. Stardust said I was the one
who was killing her by not giving her money.
“ It is much more dangerous when I don´t have drugs. This is when I get sick and can go
mad “ she tried to convince me. I knew ofcourse this was not true. I told her that she had to
take responsibility for her life.
“ You can´t come here and demand money of me, accusing me of killing you. This ruining
time emotional blackmail won´t work “ I said, hard as nails.
“ It is your fault if I have to prostitute myself “ Stardust said. But I would have none of
that.
“ It is your body you are with heroin. If you want to prostitute it as well, who am I to stop
you? I can´t stop you taking heroin, how can I then stop you if you have to sell your body
to dirty truck drivers.”
“ I will never be a prostitute, I much rather steal. That way I don´t hurt anybody “
“ Do you really think that by stealing you don´t hurt? “ the tough Emerald Fairy said.

Another month of piercing emotional pain followed. During this month , that felt more like
a year, Stardust came to my home three times. To shower, bring her dirty clothes and take
what ever money she could find. I had always had the habit of hiding money, just in case
we hit hard times. By the end of the month every penny I had saved Stardust stole off me.
She went through every drawer, every jacket pocket. Being my Daughter she knew my
habits and quickly found my savings. I am not a violent person and I did not try to stop
her. Stardust, though skinny as a weed is strong. I did not want to add another pain to her
consciousness. If she hurt me I thought she would be even less able to cope with her “
lebenschmertz “ Now I have nothing at home. The family jewels are in a bank safe and the
money in the bank.
Last time Stardust came home she stole my Marijuana and I got really pissed off. I called
her on her phone and strangely enough she answered.
“ Darling “ I said “ if you can´t keep your fingers off what is not yours, I am afraid that
you are no longer welcome in my house “

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“ I am sorry Mother “ Stardust said “ I will bring it back to you “
As you might imagine she never did and what was much worse I did not hear from her for
four days. I was pulling the few green tufts of hair that I had left clutching my hands to my
heart. As if that could prevent it from breaking. On the fifth day of silence, I went to the
police to report my Stardust missing. At first they were not very interested. She was of age
and she was a drugaddict. There was nothing they could do. I told them that Stardust had
got into very bad company and that I was afraid that she could be physically harmed or
even killed by these horrible people. Between this and the pain and the tears that were
running down my hollowed cheeks one policeman came up to me and put his hand on my
shoulder and said,” how you must suffer “. Well, he was right there, I was suffering
alright.
They wrote down a description of my little darling . They looked in their computers if she
was detained or in the morgue. Thankfully she was not in either.
After exactly one week Stardust appeared. At eight o´clock in the morning. Before I went
to work as she put it. I was so very Happy to see her that I forgot that I had said she could
no longer come into my house. I hugged her bones and kissed her where her cheeks had
once been and we went down into my house. She headed straight for my wallet on the
mantelpiece. I had taken out money from the bank the day before for my herbal remedies.
Stardust took it all. We sat down on the couch and she took out her aluminium foil and her
rolled up tinpipe. Stardust intended to smoke in my living room. I would have none of that
. I told her that my house was clean and would remain so.
“ Remember that you once said that my house did not admit drugs “ Well, you are right, it
does not and neither do I “
“ I want to sit down and talk to you, but I have to smoke “
“ Right. Lets go to your house then “ I put on my dressing gown, I had still been in bed
when she arrived. I was hoping that my Lovely Stardust would tell me that she had had
enough and wanted to leave the poison. With a bag of her clean clothes over my shoulder
we hurried in the cold to her home. It was a horrible mess, there was blood on the chair, an
old sleeping bag on the couch. The sheets on the bed were in a tangle and the kitchen was
filthy. We sat down and I, in my innocent faith waited for her to tell me that she wanted
out of her heroin prison. No such luck. She wanted to talk about other things, as she put it.
“ But everything in both your life and mine is related to heroin. If you want to talk about
other things, as you put it, you start.”
In the end we played a game or two of damas. I won her both times. And she is more
intelligent than I am. Her brain is deterioating, there is no doubt about that. Every time it
was my move she had a puff or two of herion. It stinks.
“ In exchange for the money you took off me, I would like you to take four drops of the
Flower remedies I made for you “ Not a very difficult task I would have thought. From the
look of disgust on her face you could have thought I had asked her to eat shit. After some
haggling she took her drops, but refused to take them with her when she left. Which was
five minutes later.
I think the women of our World should be warned that being a Mother is the hardest, worst
paid and least grateful job there is.

63
Maybe that is why your Holy book considers sex a sin. To make people have it. If we were
told it is Lovely and pleasant and we should practise it all the time where would the fun
be. Instead the church practically forbids it to make sure that we practise it and have lots of
babies.

Meanwhile, on the home front, things were going better. Stardust managed to get her
former boyfriend to move out . I was Happy. I thought that now she might have a chance
to at least cut down on the heroin. I really am so naiv. The only “ friends “ a drug addict
attracts are other addicts.
One day when she came to my house to bring me her dirty clothes she looked a little bit
Happier than usual.
“ What´s up, my darling “ I said “ you look better than last time I saw you “
“ I have a new boyfriend “ Stardust said “ and he is trying to kick the habit and is on
methdone “
“ I am so Happy to hear that, is he good to you? “ asked a worried Emerald Fairy.
“ He looks after me “ she said.
“ You be careful that you don´t get him back on heroin “ I said to my Lovely Daughter.
“ I would never do that “
And the Emerald Fairy believed her Stardust. Shame they don´t give out prices for
stupidity. I would surely win the first price.

At 1 in the afternoon two days later my doorbell rang.

“ Who is it “ I called from my patio.
“ The police “ was the answer.
With my heart thumping against my bony chest, I rushed up the stairs.
“ What has happened “ I asked in total confusion. I mean, these guys don´t know Stardust.
They pulled out their badges and asked me if I was the owner of number twentynine.
Stardust´s house. I said I was. Would I mind opening the door for them, please.
“ Why, what is wrong “. My voice shook. I did not want to hear the answer.
“ We think there is a criminal individual in there “ the policeman, in mufti, answered me.
I rushed down, took the key and put my shoes on.. Outside Stardust´s home there were
four policemen, all in mufti, with their pistols drawn. The two that had come for me also
drew their weapons. I hate guns and violence of any sort, but all I could think of was
Stardust.
I opened the door and rushed in. The first thing I see as I step in is a gun against the
livingroom wall. I point to it, as if the police had not noticed it. I walk into the bedroom.
Of course the bed is not made, the two quilts lie in a heap on the dirty sheets.
“ There is nobody here “ I say and walk towards the bathroom. One of the police walk into
the bedrroom I have just left, the only one, pulls off the quilts and shouts
“ Here he is “
The house was tiny and filled up by the six men with their guns. I ducked and got out of
the cave faster than a greased lightning.

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By this time all the neighbours are standing in their doorways.. I stop in the middle of
them. They put out their hands to steady me.
“ What is it “ they ask me “ you are white as a sheet “
I stammer that there is a man with a gun in my house. They all know that Stardust´s house
is mine. My neighbours Daughter with her baby in her arms approach to see what is going
on.
“ Don´t come here with your baby, there are guns here “ I call out to her..
Shortly the police come out of the house with a young guy with his hands handcuffed on
his back.. Four of the policemen take the guy and the gun, which turns out to be a sawed
off shotgun and it was loaded, to the police station. Two of them stay by Stardust´s house
which they ask me to lock and leave the key in the lock. I did as I was told.
Now we had to wait for the judge to arrive. Meanwhile I talked to the two police that were
left. They took down my name and passport number. One of them is really nice, the other
one a dummy.
I wanted to know how they knew that this individual was in the house when I did not.
“ We keep our eyes open and he was seen entering here “ was the only thing the nice cop
wanted to tell me.
“ Well, thank the gods for that “ I said still shaking in my shoes.
We talk about laws, heroin, society, permisiveness and a lot of other things. The judge
would take at least an hour to arrive.
I thank them over and over again for keeping their eyes open. Only the gods knew what
they had saved Stardust from.
“ Being a policeman is a very ungrateful job, nobody ever thanks us for putting our lives
on the line every day "“ I had no doubt that this was true, He pointed at the huge hammer,
it probably has it´s own name, but I did not know it, and an equally huge crowbar, (I think
they are called ). In my shaky state I had not noticed them. Just imagine what could have
happened if they had had to break down the door. The individual would have woken up, he
was apparently sleeping, and would have greeted us with bullets.
“ I believe you” I said to the nice one “ just like being a Mother or a house wife “
After waiting for over an hour, I was waiting for my poor little Stardust, they were waiting
for the judge, two more police arrived, the same ones that had taken away the criminal,
and the two I had been talking to took me to the police station to declare. This took about
an hour. I was told that the guy they had found in Stardust´s house had a record as long as
an arm. His speciality was armed robbery. He would be put away for ten to fifteen years.
Finally we drove back to the part of town were Stardust and I lived.
Stardust had still not arrived. Neither had the judge. And now they told me that we also
waited for the criminal, who had to be present at the search.
“ And I also have to be there, with this disgusting guy? “
“ I am afraid so “ the nice one said “ and two of your neighbours as witnesses “
“ I don´t think they will like that “ I said “ and besides how will we all fit in there, all ten
of us? “
And still no Stardust.

65
At last the judge, the criminal and two more policemen arrive. The criminal was
handcuffed to one of them.
I open the door and we all file in. The criminal sits down among dirty clothes and heroin
papers on the couch. The rest of us stand. They put the criminal´s things in black plastic
garbage bags, while I look with pure hate at the criminal, who tries to out stare me. No
such luck, he had to turn his eyes away from the hate I threw at him.
Every single item taken from the house had to be written down and signed by the two
witnesses and me.
By five thirty everybody finally left. I stood in the middle of the house and looked around
what had once been a Fairytale home. Both the windows had been closed for god knows
how long. It stank and everything in the kitchen was covered in a layer of black fungi.
Including the walls, the pots and pans and the plates. The floors were strown with
aluminium paper, filthy clothes, mouldy papers and tools. Stolen no doubt. I just stood
there, unable to take in what I saw. I think I might have been in shock. I had not shed a
tear or raised my voice, not even ones.
As I stood there I see Stardust walking up with one of the police.
“ What is going on here “ she said
“ There has been a police search and they found a sawed off shot gun. How could you,
Stardust “
“ I swear I did not know he had a gun, Mother “ Stardust said. I wanted to believe her.
Stardust was taken down to the station to make a statement. I started to clean furiously.
Everything that did not belong to Stardust, I had bought most of her things, I threw into
big garbage bags. I fillled up two of the huge bins that stand in the streets.
When this was done, I was exhausted and filthy. I went home and had a long hot shower. I
still had not reacted. Not a tear had escaped my pained green eyes. And in my naivity I
waited for Stardust.
At 10 pm the police called to see that I was OK.
“ Are you finished with Stardust soon “ I asked.
“ Stardust left nearly two hours ago. Hasn´t she come home? “
“ No “
Next morning at nine am. My doorbell rings again. The police. The witnesses and I had to
sign the papers again. The nice one asks if Stardust has arrived yet. Still no.
All day I clean and scrub, this time I have rubber gloves on, a scarf around my head and
another one around my waist. When I am half way through the police arrived again,
looking for Stardust.
“ What a Lovely little house this is, now that it is clean “ one of them said.
“ Will you call us when your Daughter arrives “ they asked me.
“ Sure I will “ They gave me a number to call until ten pm.and left me to continue
cleaning. When the house sparkled once again and all Stardust´s things were ordered, I sat
down and took her photo albums to have a look at them. There must have been at least a
thousand photos. 98% of them were pictures of her and her “ friends “ smoking heroin.
The remaining 2 % were of her “ friends “ injecting heroin into her veins, and of her and
the black Angel playing with a pistol. My heart stopped beating, but I must be tougher

66
than I thought because it started again. “ One shock yestarday, one today, how many more
things can happen ? And is there still worse to come “ I asked myself. I felt like a blunt
knife, ready to be discarded.
I took out the big blowups Stardust had made of the photos were she had heroin shot into
her veins and put them all next to each other against the wall. I thought that if Stardust saw
that I knew what was going on she would no longer have to lie to me.
I waxed the floors and went home for a disinfecting shower. Just before ten pm I went
back to see if my baby had asrrived. No such luck.
Next morning at 8 am I went again to her house. I had decided to take two of the pictures
to the police. In these photos a woman around thirty years of age, pretty, was giving my
Daughter a fix. The other photo was of a man fortyish, pockmarked doing the same thing.
These two individuals did not look like junkies. They were well dressed and clean.
Nothing like her other “ friends “ But what hit me most was the look of sadistic pleasure
on their faces. Something more than met the eye was definitely going on.
As I opened the door I see Stardust sitting on a chair. Her mouth was open and she had
dribble down her black sweater. She had taken down all the pictures I had arranged against
the wall. I opened the drawer and found them. I took them home and called the police to
tell them that she was in her home. As I walked out my door she comes towards me
saying.
“ Mother, I am hungry. Can I have breakfast in your house “
“ No, I will bring food to you in your house. Wait there for me “
I get bread and butter, peanut butter and honey and make her breakfast.
“ Good morning “ we hear a voice from the door, which is open. The police. They let
Stardust finish her breakfast. She refuses to comb her hair and wash her hands.
“ I need heroin “ she said.
“ Did you not tell me that there is methadone in your make-up bag in my house “
I said “ I´ll get it for you “ Which I did.
Then I had to be sneaky. I asked the police if I could come downtown with my Daughter
and them. Sure they would take me. I said I had to buy some bottles for my Flower
remedies. What I really wanted to do was get those two pictures to the boss of the
prostitution police. But I did not want Stardust to know it. I talked to the boss who asked if
he could keep the photos. I was more than Happy to leave them with him and never see
them again.
I bought the Flower bottles, I do not like to lie, and walked down the street as we had
agreed with the police. They picked me up, took me to my work with one of my Oldie
Goldies and then they drove Stardust to get her heroin. This they did to protect Stardust, as
the criminal had said the shotgun was hers, and she in turn had to declare that it was his.
These individuals are dangerous people.
Two hours later Stardust came home took what little money I had and packed a back pack
full of clothes. She was going to the country, she said, to keep out of trouble.
“ With a stolen car? “ I asked.
“ Didn´t I say to keep out of trouble, and a stolen car is trouble “
This happened three days ago. She said she would call me, but of course she has not.

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Sunshine was still abroad and enjoying life and her work with old pepole.

Stardust eventually came home from her supposed stay in the country. She said she was
feeling better and that she had a job.
What sort of a job can you trust an addict with, I wondered to myself.
I did notice that her hands were a lot cleaner. Was this a good sign?
I did not dare to ask her too much, remembering what could and often did happen when I
put my nose in her business. My guess was that she was cutting the heroin and was using
rubber gloves. The thing with smoking that awful stuff is that the underside of the tin foil
get all sooty. The addicts don´t care about a thing except heroin and money. They could
not give a flying hoot if their hands were filthy.
She did look slightly better, and she told me she could not smoke while she was working.
But she still did not want to tell me what sort of work she was doing.
“ Believe me Mother, you are much Happier if you don´t know what sort of work I´m
doing” said my Stardust. And I supposed she was right. Of course now I made up her work
in my imagination and worried. I just seem to have to have something to worry about.
What a royal pain in the ass I must be for my children. I wish I knew how to stop and
change. But sadly I have no idea how to go about it.
Anyway the main thing was that Stardust was looking better and feeling better. She was
glad that she no longer had to steal to feed her habit. She told me that she had been
stealing, but she went into no details. Which I was Happy about. For a long time she had
convinced herself that stealing was “not hurting anybody”. I guess she had had to convince
herself of this to be able to look herself in the mirror.
This state of affairs carried on for at least two months.
She brought the most horrible looking specimens of, I´m not even sure if they could be
called human, to smoke with her in her house. I had forbidden her to bring more addicts
into my property, but I guess she was lonely. She had nothing in common with her former
friends. There was not a thing they could talk about, she told me one day. I imagine that
was so true. I tried to tell her time and again that these people were not her friends. They
were only around as long as she had either heroin or money. Preferably both.
To make a long sad story a bit shorter, she finally told me what her work was. She went
abroad and smuggled hashish into our country. She said she could have made much more
money if she had brought in hard drugs. She said it was because of me that she did not do
it.
“ You do realise that sooner or later you will get caught, and when that happens there will
not be a thing that I can do to save you “ old Emerald Fairy told her poor wayward
Daughter.
“ I know, Mother, but what can I do “ Poor, poor Baby.
“I have told you before, my Darling, and I´ll tell you again. If you want to leave this
horrible life you are leading, there is nothing I won´t do to help you”

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“ But, Mother, I am not ready yet. I like smoking heroin”
What can you say to that ?
One day when she arrived home from a trip, as she called her work, she looked really
awful. I asked her what had happened. She told me that she had swallowed two and a half
kilos of hashish, in ten gram suppositories, and that her boss had only paid her for half that
amount. I won´t go into details, but someone had also robbed six suppositories from her,
when she had passed out from smoking too much heroin.
“ Darling Girl, you do realise that things are going to go from bad to worse, don´t you “
“ I know Mother”
Next time she went on a trip she could not shit out, to put it bluntly, the hash..Heroin
makes you constipated and with two kilos of hash in your intestines and no food, well you
can imagine..
But, the day finally arrived when my Darling little Stardust came to her beaten old Mother
and said “ Mother, I think we have to do something, this will be the last time I am going
on a trip “
The gods had heard me.
The day arrived when she was supposed to go and I had the most horrible feeling of
foreboading, and I told Stardust that I felt very bad about this trip.
“ So do I “ Stardust said “ but I have to go “
“Why would you have to, if you don´t want to “
“ Because I can´t give up heroin just like that “
“ Excuse me Darling, but how are you planning to give it up then. You know heroin is not
a thing that can be given up little by little. You either give it up or you don´t. Meanwhile I
wish to all the gods that you would not go on this trip “
“ Come in my Darling, and let´s talk´”
She came in and I asked her what her plans were.
“ I want to be more than just a drug addict “ said the Lovliest of Lovlies.
“ Explain yourself, my Girl “
“ I want to be able to do more with my life than look for money and heroin “
“ You cannot imagine how Happy that makes me to hear you say this. How do you plan to
go about it? “
“ I like smoking heroin, Mother, I´ve already told you that. But I want to do other things as
well. I want to start to read again. The first book I want to read is the one you wrote me for
an X-mas present.”
“ Baby, we have already tried cold turkey and it was too difficult. How are we going to do
it this time? “
“ I will sign myself on to the methdone program “
I felt like going down on my knees and thanking the powers that be. It was like hearing the
most beautiful of Makuna symphonies. Heavenly music for Emerald Fairy´s old ears.
No sooner said than done. I immediately called to get an appointment with the doctor.
He did not have time to see her until three weeks later.
The reason for this was no doubt the war in Afganistan. As you might , or might not know,
90% of the heroin comes from that country.

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A little side step is in place, I think. Countries have karma just as people do, and this war
was the consequence of all the misery and death the Afgan heroin had caused in the whole
World. Of course, as always, it is the innocent who suffer, specially the women and
children. Maybe that is what is meant in your Holy Book, when it talks about the sins of
the Fathers, that will be visited upon the children. Who knows, but it would make sense,
wouldn´t it. In a country like Afganistan, where women have absolutely no say about
anything, I´ve been there so I know what I am talking about. If the men descide that poppy
is what is going to be grown, even if the children have to go without food until Harvest
time, well, poppy it is. Of course the women are so used to being trod on that mostly they
don´t even think about it. And besides what else do they know about. I can answer that
question too. Nothing, absolutely nothing.
Anyway lots of people had descided to kick the habit at the same time, as there was no
heroin to be had. What the victims were smoking were “ legal” drugs ( from the
pharmacy) mixed with anything from rat poison to strychnine. The addicts were literally
going mad. And many wanted out. This was the reason for the long delay in the doctor´s
appointment.
“ But how will I get the heroin until I get the methdone. “ My poor Darling
“ If you are serious this time, don´t worry about a thing. I will pay for it until you get your
methadone. There is a condition, though, I go with you to get your poison “
“ Only if you promise to stay in the taxi “
The place is so dangerous that if you do not have your own car, and the addicts that might
once have had one, have had to sell it to buy heroin.
I promised to stay in the taxi and we struck a deal.
Stardust used to spend 200€ a day on the poison, but I am far from a millionaire, so we
settled for 100€ plus taxi money. I could see that my diet was going to have to change to
finger nails and potatoe peels.I was not complaining though. There was nothing I would
not do to help my Baby.
I am not surprised that they call smoking heroin chasing the dragon. Just getting the awful
stuff was fighting with tigers.
I have never seen anything remotely like it in my whole long life. There must have been
various dozen places where the sell it. Of course you never know who has got “ good”
stuff. Just the taxi money going from place to place every day would have kept me in food
for weeks.People were sitting hunched over smoking in the streets, doorways, behind
garbage bins, you name it and there was either someone smoking or main lining.
The dirt was unimaginable, addicts vomiting in the middle of the street, others staggering
around almost unconscious, being led by “ friends”. It was like stepping down into hell.
Then and there I made a descision. The only way that this war could be won was by
legalizing the stuff.
The police never entered this part of town, it was way too dangerous. Neither did
electricity or water meter readers. Every flat had guns, none had roses. The drug terrorists
had the run of the place, and nobody dared to object.
Every day Stardust would ring on my door bell. She had no set time. When she woke up,
had a little poison, saved from the night before, she was in a frightful rush to go and get

70
some more. She did the mixing herself. This meant that she got the so called heroin in one
place and the base of cocaine in another.
Every single taxi driver in town knew all the scoring places. As soon as Stardust got out of
the car, I started talking to the driver. During the three weeks we were chasing the tigers to
find the dragons around town, I never met one taxi driver who did not agree with me as far
as legalizing went. This was the only way to save our youth, for most of the ones hooked
already, it was probably too late. But the World will not end yet, or will it?, but taking the
chance that it won´t, well, I personally think that we all have to put our straw into the
wagon to make this a better place. For all of us. I also think that when something as awful
as having a child hooked on poison happens to a Mother, it is a sign that she should try to
do something.
Maybe this was my chance of changing the World, as had been my goal when I was young
and innocent of the way of the World and it´s politicians.
Yes, I know, I am told at least twice a day that there is nothing I can do against so much
money. Well, maybe these pessimists are right, but it surely will not stop me. Nothing
short of a bullet in my head will. No chance of a drugpeddler reading this. Most of them,
beside being totally uncultured and uncivilized are also analfabets and illiterates.
Just imagine all of our futures in the hands of these, I don´t even know what to call them.
Maybe murderers and assasins is the closest word to describe them.
Just imagine when they dictate the laws.We all know that money and power go hand in
hand. Just look at Colombia. And I think it would not be unfair to add most European
countries to the list. There are some brave and smart countries as well, such as Holland,
Switzerland, hopefully more countries will eventually join them. In Holland , as I am
sure you all know, Marijuana is sold legally in small doses. Human nature being what it is,
this move has taken away the underground glamour of drugs. What´s the fun if you can
just go out and buy it and then smoke it in a coffee shop. In Switzerland where there was a
huge problem with mainliners, with addicts shooting heroin up their veins in the Lovely
Swiss parks, they took the bull by the horns and started distributing free heroin in clean
clinics. The results are many. For one you can again enjoy the beautiful parks and for an
other many of the addicts, though they continue being addicts,have got their dignity back
and are working.
Of course this brings us to the question of WHY IS THE PROBLEM NOT
APPROACHED IN THIS WAY IN OTHER COUNTRIES IN THE SAME SITUATION.
There must be much more behind the drug situation than meets the eye.
In Spain for example, one of the biggest drug dealers was allowed to escape a few years
ago.The judges gave the individual a penitentiary holiday, I forget the reason, but which
ever it was ,the drug importer never came back and
has not been heard of since. Last year another token big dealer was caught, but the poor
thing got depressed by being in jail. So they let him out so he would not commit suicide.
The whole World would have cried that loss, don´t you think.
So what the hell is going on???
Who is responsible for the European community. And what is their aim.

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We, the people are treated as if we were unable to sum two and two. It is degrading and
undignified to be taken for idiots. I have no doubt that many of us are just that, but what
about the ones who aren´t.
What about our leaders ? We have chosen these politicians, it does not say a lot for us,
does it ? We see them on TV, we hear them on the radio, they are everywhere with their
promises.Their empty promises. Year after year we believe them, even though we know
that they are lying in our faces. We, the people are the jury, and we the people give the
verdict. If you as a private citizen were taken to court and lied you would be thrown into
jail, or if you were really lucky fined a considerable sum. Of course politicians get paid
thousands of €uros a month. So why should they care. And if they need more money , that
´s easy , they just raise their salaries. Look at Argentina, there people were literally
starving and the best thing the leader could think of doing was raising his own salary. How
long are we going to stand for this farce, how long will we take what the politicians dish
out to us, lying down.
I for one was fed up. Remember all those years ago, when I had wanted to change the
World, your World. Well, here was my chance to put my foot where my mouth is.

I don´t know if you guys have noticed that when the time is right, for what-ever it might
be,the correct people appear as if by Magic.
This is what happened to me.We had this really nice, cleanthinking ( no moralistic stuff )
and intelligent guy, staying in the 1001. He was a swimmming instructure for young kids,
and he lost his job, due to the stupidity of his boss. And maybe some envy thrown in.
Anyway, he was out of a job and would have to leave. One evening we started talking. Of
course I had heroin on my brain and I was furious. He,Stalk, told me he had experience in
campaigning and that he was as fed up as I was with the injustices, the lies and the general
chaos.
“ Let´s do something, let´s start a campaign for the legalizasation of hard drugs “ said
Stalk.
The very next day we started. I spoke the language of my adopted countey, Stalk did not
yet. I took it as my job to go and talk to the official organizations. Everbody was very
helpful and every single person I talked to shared our opinion . The only way to get rid of
the drug plagues was by making them legal. Besides economically it would be the right
move for the country. Of course the big drug lords and their politician side kicks would
loose out. But everybody else would gain.
Drugs, arms and terrorism all go hand in hand. IN WHOSE INTREST IS IT THAT THE
SITUATION CONTINUES THE WAY IT IS. This is the 64 thousand dollar question.
My question is ,will we be alive long enough to get the answer?

We started by writing pamphlets. The first ones in on the game were the taxi drivers. They
promised to spread the word among their collegues. Then I thought of , what I thought was
a good way, of letting the local politicians in on what was going on in their town, the town
that they were supposed to rule for the next four years.

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I already knew this one politician guy, who seemed like an honest person to me. I went to
his government offices with my pamphlets. I told him that I thought that he as a politician
should know what was cooking in his town. I said that I had already talked to the taxi
drivers and that they were more than willing to help me.
Right, my idea was to get together two politicians, a friend of mine who is a journalist had
already agreed to come along. I´d hire two taxis, and pay for them out of my own pocket
and the taxi drivers would take us from one scoring point to the next. It would probably
take the best part of the night. But at least the politicians could not deny reality, once they
had seen it.
Well, haha and bully on me. My “friend “ the politician said NO. I must have gaped like a
grounded fish at him. I asked him what did he mean by no. Very easy, said the guy I had
thought was an honest politician, the exception from the rule as it were, once we see what
is going on we have to do something.
I was still gaping, maybe even snapping for air, I don´t know, I just knew that I found it
very hard to believe my ears.
“ But isn´t that what you have been voted to do, fix the place up’”
Well no, apparently that was not his job at all. His Mother is a Lovely person and a good
friend of mine, and I did not want to tell, well that´s a lie, I was dying to tell him what I
thought of him, but I bit my tongue. I would have to think of other ways to let these high
salaried good-for-nothings know that we, the people wanted something in exchange for
paying their bloated wages

´Meanwhile my Lovely Stardust and her not so Lovely Emerald Fairy had the appointment
with the methdone doctor. He looked at my Darling with judging eyes. He was stroking
Stardust against her fur. I quickly asked the doctor if he spoke english. The answer
thankfully was no
“” Listen Darling this guy is just a paper pusher with a degree, pay no attention to him. We
are here for a purpose, then we leave, whereas he will be sitting here judging the victims
of a rotten society, until it is his turn to be judged. Just smile and imagine him naked with
his floppy stomch hanging down. But don´t laugh out loud, if you can avoid it “
It worked. Next morning my little Stardust took her Mother by the hand, or was it the
other way around, and we went to the hospital and Stardust, after smoking some heroin in
the bathrooms, had blood drawn from her arm. We would get the results the next day.
When the next day dawned both Stardust and your truly were nervous wrecks.We had not
talked about the possible result, but we both feared the same thing. Both of us thought
Stardust had aids. Hand in hand we went to see the judge, I mean doctor, who sat
stonefaced behind his desk.
“Well, what are the results” we asked in unison.” Stardust is absolutely clean. Her liver is
alright and she does not have aids.” Daughter and Mother looked at each other and then
our arms flew around the other.
This was nothing short of a Miracle, and it had to be celebrated. We had lunch in a nice
little restaurant. Stardust would still not get her methadone until the following monday.

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After lunch we had to go and get some heroin for my healthy but skinny Daughter. I had
hoped never to have to go to that part of town again, but soon, very soon it would be over.
The next problem to be tackled was to get rid of Stardust´s “friends”. She was slowly
beginning to see that what she had thought were friends ,were only friend as long as she
had heroin or a place to smoke it.
Well, it so happens that the house Stardust lived in was mine and she paid me no rent, on
the contrary I paid all her bills. I knew I was not going to win any popularity contest with
either Starust or her “ friends”, but quite frankly I could not have cared less.
During my childhood on Makuna I had developed my intuition and now I was sharpening
my skills.
I could feel in my heart when one of Stardust´s druggie friends were about to arrive. I
would stand in the street close to her door, and when I saw an addict coming, once you get
used to it you can spot them a mile off, I´d ask where he was headed.
“ To see Stardust “ the answer would be more often than not.
“ You probably do not know that Stardust lives in my house, and as such I descide who
goes in there. And you are not one of them “
Stardust would hear the conversation and open the door.
“What do you think you are doing, Mother” Stardust wanted to know.
“ I am trying to keep these creeps away from you, since you don´t seem to have the sense
to see that they are your “ friends” only as long as they can get something out of you. And
I can assure you that I will never again pay for anybody else´s heroin. Is that clear “
I would stand so close to the addict “friend” that Stardust was afraid that he, they were
always male, her “friends”, would push me away, specially since I was provoking them,
by saying things like “ why don´t you try to go into her house, do you feel like hitting me”
etc etc
They say Mothers are like tigers when they have cubs. In this case that was so true. I
would probably even have enjoyed being hit or pushed. That would have proven my point
to Stardust.
One morning when I got to Stardust´s house with her methadone, I found her door open,
she was lying in bed with her clothes on, sound asleep. Next to her head sat my little
present to her. Cat. Cat is the cutes little white, yes you guessed, cat. Though he was only
a month old and should have been sleeping curled up next to his beloved Mother, Stardust,
he was sitting straight up with his blue eyes wide open. He was guarding his mistress. Cats
have the ability to sense positive people . There was no doubt in my mind that what Cat
was doing was making sure that nobody would enter Stardust´s unconscious mind. You
know that when you are passed out, under hypnosis or unconscious there is always a
possibility of descarnated entities playing a trick on you.. Cat was obviously not going to
allow that.
Now a new cycle of our lives started. Each morning I went and got the methadone for
Stardust, until the psyciatrist said it was time that Stardust took responsability for her own
life. This meant that she had to get her own medicin and keep her doctors appointments.
She still smoked one dosis of poison a day, but she reckoned she was doing very well and
told her Emerald Fairy to get off her case, which same said Fairy found very difficult not

74
to say impossible. I knew Stardust was right I had to get off her back and let her get on
with her life. We had a few harsh words, some tears and a lot of hugs. Stardust is
recovering and is able to understand how difficult it is for me to trust her 100%

The next pamphlet for our campaign was written and printed. We were giving them out to
everbody who crossed our paths.
Next step was a web site. The first pamphlet had been mainly informative, the next one
asked questions, but gave no answers. We did not want to impose our opinion on anybody.
But the web site was going to be tough. I had already written most of it, now it was mostly
a question of correcting and ordering.
I do not know how to make a web site, so I just wrote the text and chose the colors. Stalk
would do the rest.

Stardust thought I should have a holiday. The idea was mainly for me to leave her alone. I
must admit that I was exhausted. Between the drugs, the methadone and the campaign I
barely had time to sleep and when I did get into bed I was so tired that my legs twitched
and kept me awake. I was beginning to think seriously about Stardust´s idea of a break.
No sooner said than done. The one friend, a real one, who had stood by my side during my
private hell with my Stardust, thought I should rest before it was too late, or rather that the
rest would be permanent. She, Bird, had friends, who had an old farm house in southern
France. She arranged for me to go there for a few weeks to charge my batteries. This is
where I am now. The place is Lovely and so are the people, but I feel restless. I want to be
at home and at the same time I want to be even further away.

Makuna was calling me .My Vibrational level was still nowhere near high enough to do
anything but Astral travel.It was the middle of may, Sunshine has just had her birthday and
it was over a month until Stardust´s. Nobody needs me, I feel a bit obsolete, just like my
oldie goldies.
But I am free and healthy. I have been in the farm house for a week, all my papers are in
order and I am getting a bit bored. Which can be dangerous, I might do something I will
later regret. I asked my splendid hostess if she minded if I left my things with her while I
went for a hike in the Mountains.” No problem, will you be alright alone.?” Never better I
tell her.
The only people in the World who knew about my Makuna background were my two
Daughters.
I packed my sleeping bag, a mosquito net and some fruit and vegetables. There were
Lovely fresh water streams all over, so water was no problem.
I walked far up into the Mountains, the Sun was shining and the birds were singing, it
sounded like they sang just for me. When I was so far away from “civilisation” that I was
sure no one would come across me, I´d lay out my sleeping bag, have some Mountain
water and a banana. There were cherries and lemons, oranges and asparragus growing
within the reach of my hands. I closed my eyes, let the Spring breeze sweep over my tired

75
face, and I was home. Makuna. How I had longed for your Peace and Calm. Thank you for
accepting me back.
I travelled from place to place, reaquainting myself with my home island. It was even
Lovlier than I had remembered. My friends the Fairies were all over the place and even
though I was Astral travelling we could play together. We flew over Lakes and Rivers,
under branches and among Flowers . It was Bliss.

When I woke up, I didn´t know how many days had passed and quite frankly I did not
care. This time was for me and me alone.The Stars shone on me from a cloudless sky. I
was far away from anyplace, there was no light pollution, the Stars seemed close enough
to pick out from the endless Heaven, simply by stretching out your hand. Even in your
strange and hectic World there are places where Peace is the sole ruler. If I could choose I
would live in a place just like this forever. But I had already made my choice. I was a
Mother and now I even had a mission to fulfil. But I was not going to think about this
now. This time was my time, and only mine.
I closed my eyes again and travelled to the Stars. Amazing. I found the forth dimension. It
was terrific, just like here on Earth, in a beautiful place naturally,but nothing was still. The
grass covered hills moved in waves, the Flowers swayed to the movement. One minute
you were high up on a grassy hilltop, the next one down in a valley covered with Pear
Blossom´s favorite Flower, the Lilly of the Valley. I was alone and still I was not. I could
sense Pear Blossom and Nectar, I could even see their transparent forms. We were not
really touching the ground when we moved and if I pushed myself upwards I could even
fly.There were Rivers and Streams, Brooks and Meadows, all of them moving, up and
down ,sideways, here and there. There seemed to be no pattern, just immense enjoyment
and a huge Peace.
The colors were brilliantly and the Air sparkled with cleanliness. I must have been in the
fourth dimension all night because now I could see an enormous red Sun rising over the
horizon.
I opened my eyes and found myself surrounded by Fairies. They had got under the
mosquito netting and were sitting on my nose, my hands, all over me. For a minute I
thought I had died, but then they started tickling me.
One of the dogs from the neighbourhood found me one evening. We had made good
friends before I left on my adventure, and she had come to check that I was OK.
I wrote a note which I tied to her collar, saying that I was fine and enjoying myself and
might stay a week longer.
This was the first rest I had had since the day I got together with the person who would
become the father ( in his case it does not deserve a capital letter ) of my Lovely children.
My batteries were really getting charged and no doubt I would be ready to take on the
World when I had to return to “ civilisation”.Sad really that the only permanent thing in
your World is change. I would be more than Happy to become a Hermit in these or any
other Mountains. Though that might be the easy way out.
I still had a lot of things to do before I deserved my semi permanent rest.

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There was my Stardust, my Sunshine, even if she liked me far away from her, there was no
way I could stop Loving her , or thinking about her.
And then there was the campaign.
Though I was still resting, my brains were working overtime. It must have been all that
clean Air, all those beautiful Flowers not to forget my friends the Fairies.
While I rested and observed Nature I planned the next steps for the campaign.
What ever we chose to do had to be drastic and dramatic. No longer would we allow
people and the, feel like saying an ugly word here, politicians to ignore the problem.
I was planning to look for a lawyer with not only a lot of guts but other appedixes that are
important when you plan to fight windmills. And I am not talking about armour either.
I was planning to sue the state for not protecting their citizens.
Then we were planning a march with big animals from our town to the capital. I had
already written a play, that was both sarcastic, and ironic. Laughing at the stupidity of the
politicians ,not only in my adopted country, but all over the World.
I do not know if we will gain anything, beside that the drug problem will be on the first
page all over, at least, Europe. And once it was aired people will want answers. At least
this was what I was counting on.
Meanwhile I would stay on in the Lovely Mountains, rest and work out my strategy
When three weeks of incommunication with the World was over, I thought I was strong
enough to start fighting corrupt politicians. Besides I was beginning to miss my girls an
awful lot.
The time for play was over and business had to take it´s place. With a heavy heart I had a
last long walk among the now familiar Mountains. I packed my sleeping bag, the net and
lots of pressed Flowers and Leaves, that now lived between the pages of a book. Later I
would make them into a picture from which I would one day be able to draw strength
when I needed it. I filled my lungs with the clean crisp Mountain Air, said goodbye to
birds and bees, looked longingly up at the Heavens, recalling my adventures in the fourth
dimension.I started the hike down to “ civilisation”.I was not sure if civilisation was an
ugly word or not. What I was sure of was that I had been very Happy, content and at
Peace, away from it.

Once back in the farmhouse I started to collect my things, pack away my papers and
campaign plans, wash the clothes I had used on the Mountain and basically get ready to go
back home.
I said goodbyeto my generous hostess, boarded trains and planes and slowly made my way
home.
Remember what I said once before that when the time is right the correct things start
taking place.
Well, on the plane I happened to sit next to two guys, both of whom were drugaddicts. By
now I can spot one a mile off. The one sitting next to me was so nervous he could not sit
still. He was constantly sniffing his nose, blowing it, biting his nails, drinking, scratching,
basically he was not able to be still even for amoment. He was a cocaine addict.

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I was reading a book in english and they spoke spanish, which I also speak. There is
another thing that addicts have in common, and that is speaking in a very loud voice. I don
´t know if they thought that I didn´t understand spanish, since I was reading in english.
I started listening to their conversation while I pretended to read. They were talking about
Caracas and Bogota, about a builder in Spain who had been given a heavy jail sentence for
drug dealing but had only been licked up for a few days. I turned the pages of my book
automatically while my antenna was on high alert. The guy sitting next to me, the heavily
addicted one, could not take it any longer and went to toilet to snort a line. I know that is
what he did , because when he came back he was a lot calmer and we landed. They left the
plane before me and when I walked past the hostesses I told them that they would
probably find drugs on these two guys if they were stopped by customs. But when I got
there the guys had already left. They only carried hand luggage.
Once home on my own turf, and was it Lovely to be home again, and close to my
Daughters, I did my duty as a citizen and called my , hopefully honest, contacts in the
police. I told them what I had heard, gave them my flight and seat number. Now it remains
to be seen if they will act on the information. They warned me that to catch a dealer they
needed a lot a evidence. I said I understood and that was the end of that episode.

Once settled, bathed and clean I called Stardust. How Happy we both were to be together
again. We kissed and hugged and hugged some more. She looked just fine and content
with life.That as you can imagine made this old fart very Happy. Sunshine was also fine
though not very enthusiastic to hear from her Mother. Some you win, some you lose.
( Who am I trying to kid?)
One the second night home I descided to have a small,take notice,small joint. I have an old
jam jar where I store my homegrown Marijuana and went to get it from the bathroom,
where I kept it.It was gone. That was what I had left until the next Havest in Autumn. It
was now may. I called Stardust We had a terrible row. Everthing that we had
accomplished by being separated for so long, anyway, that´s what it felt like, was ruined in
just a few seconds. This of course brought on another crisis. Stardust would still come and
eat every day. Sometimes at food time, but once she came at 11pm and was so out of it
that she fell asleep with her head in the food. Evey time she came to eat or bring her dirty
clothes she would also steal the coins I had left over from the days´ shopping. It was so
degrading and humiliating for both of us. She would ask for money and I would tell her
that I had none and that even ifI did I could not give her any, as I would, could and did not
want to participate in her destruction. She would tell me a few nasty things, like for
instance, “ it is you who are killing me by not giving me money. When I don´t have heroin
is when I am sick, and besides you force me to go out to steal the money “
“ Baby Darling, you are having 80 mg of pure opiaters a day, shouldn´t that be enough “
her desperate old Emerald Fairy asked her in a pleading voice.
She´d leave me with a handful of coins and curses to go out and steal.
My gods, what was I, and thousands of other Mothers supposed to do. We had to go
through this terrible pain so that some shameless criminals and politicians could get still
richer.

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A month of lies,sex and videotapes followed. Only there was neither sex nor videotapes,
just a lot of tears, fury and negativity filling the Air.
This made me even more convinced that it was my job, duty and obligation to carry on
with Coherle , as Stalk and I have called our platform for legalizing hard drugs.

Since I was asking my Daughter to leave heroin and start living a “normal” life again, I
thought it would be a sensible idea to give a good example. I had been smoking cigarettes
for 43 years and I thought it might be time, again, to put my foot where my mouth is. I
decided to give up smoking, or shall we say, stop being addicted to nicotine plus all the
other addicting agents that go into cigarettes to make sure we get addicted very soon after
we start the habit of smoking. I bought nicotin patches and had a very hard time. But I did
it. I gave up smoking. There was a problem though, I liked smoking, but I also wanted to
be the boss of my body.
I got out my healing books and started reading until I found a solution. There were herbs
that I could smoke, that were harmful neither for people around you nor yourself. Here is
what I now smoke: Damiana, Salvia, Thyme and Manzanilla. It takes some tome to get
used to , but then you start liking it, what choice do you have? Since I have no craving for
nicotine I smoke two maybe three herb cigs a day. The last one of the night with a little
Marijuana, that I have had to buy, which goes aganist my convictions. But there you are.

Stardust and I had a long talk and came to the conclusion that she was driving me mad and
I was doing the same for her. Her addiction to heroin was as strong as my addiction to her.
We both thought that it would be better if she lived in a place a little further away from my
prying eyes and in a house that belonged to me. She got herself a room with two guys,
whom I have not met, and who are also on methadone treatment. If she wants to give it up,
she is the one who has to decide to do it, not me.

There were better times and worse times.

I was back working on my Vibrational level, communicating with my namesakes and

visiting my oldie goldies, and of course working on our campaign. Right now we are
creating a website and composing a letter that we will send to politicians etc etc, basically
everybody who has a website and influence. A big part will probably be deleted, but a few
will be read and the ball will, hopefully, start moving.

We had gone from the heaviest, blackest misey, all three of us, into Sunshine, never better
said. The dark cloud that had been hanging over our lives for what seemed an eternity, had
finally lifted. We not only saw daylight, we felt Sun rays warming our hardened hearts and
thawing our frozen bones. We were alive.

At the end of the nine months I got letters from five publishers, who all wanted to publish
my book. This was getting more hectic than I had bargained for.

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I had worked as a voluntary worker in the town we live in and I knew a lot of people. I
was looking for teachers, nurses, a doctor, an accountant and other professionals that we
would need in India. I would pay for their trip to India and they would stay in the childrens
´ home. And eat there. I must admit that I favored women, but there is a reason for that
( actually there are many ). I felt that these children needed the warmth and Love of a
Mother . Most of the people who already worked there would stay on as long as they cared
for the children.
That was the only thing, beside a strong health, that I insisted on, that and dedication.

Soon we had got together a group of good people ready to work hard. We had counted on
leaving in three months time. Each of us had to put our lives in order, get visas, working
permits, injections against various diseases and more of the same.

I hoped, as I sat on my terass in the light of the Moon that the Circle would close and the
three of us, Sunshine, Stardust and Emerald Fairy could all Love and care for each other
again. That we could leave all the miserable things that had happened to us on the outside
of our circle to be cleansed by the healing powers of the Universe. Inside the circle there
would by a nucleus of Love, Peace and Harmony. If I projected it enough it would come
true.

Stardust and I decided to go to our new childrens´ home in India. Sunshine would come
when her contract was fininshed.
I was dying to see my Indian children again. I wondered if they would still remember me.
Surely little Satish, whom I had carried on my hip for two months would have forgotten
me. He was only three years old at that time. Nearly three years has passed since then and
children have such short memories. I was sure the bigger kids would not have forgotten. I
could hardly wait for the moment when I had them all in my arms. Not at the same time
though, because there were two hundred and fifty of them.

The trip was long and uncomfortable, good thing I was used to it and knew what to expect.
Stardust on the other hand was having a bad time. She was still not very well. And the trip
was long.

It was all worth it when my children saw the car driving in through the Christ and virgin
decorated gate.
This was definitely the first change that was going to take place. 75 % of the children were
Hindues by religion and they had been beaten if they had not prayed to Christ, the virgin
and the catholic god. From now on everbody could practice the religion they chose. The
once beautiful Hindue temple that was now standing in the over flow from the septic tank,
was going to be restored to it´s former splendor.

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The room I chose was the same room, next to the smaller girls, that I had lived in as a
voluntary worker. Stardust had the room next to mine.
When I bought the hostel, which is what it is called in India, everything in it was included.
Workers, cars and buses. The first day we took it easy and got re-acqainted. Most of my
co-workers had come with me. The girls, the girls and the boys are separated, and we
lived, of course, in the girls´part,showed us all around, chatting and laughing. When I had
been there nearly three years ago I had managed to have the ever present sticks , for
beating the children, forbidden. A little subtle blackmail. Beating= no money. What ever
happened after I left is anybody´s guess, but today there was not a stick in sight
Now that I was here again the children knew nobody would lay a hand on them. I don´t
mean to throw Flowers on myself, but beating defenceless creatures has always been
against my principals. This first day back was very emotional and gratifying.

The sleeping arrangements that first night were..... different.

On the way from the airport we had stopped off in our taxis in Paree, that is a whole sale
district in Chennai. Which is where the plane landed, and rightly so.
In Paree we had bought Indian matresses, sheets , pillows and towels. Which is exactly
what I had bought all the children the first time I came here. What next awaited us was a
dusty dumpy five hours drive, if nothing went wrong, before reaching our new home.
Next day was work. The workers we had inherited were sent to drain off the field the
temple was standing on. Others were dispatched to unblock the sewage system , both in
the girls part and in the boys part. The girls lived in a house just to the left of the entrance
gate and the boys live a hundred meters further on to the left. Siva, my friend the dwarf,
from three years ago, was put in charge of the boys´ part. I myself was in charge of the
girls´ part. We had decided to keep the two separate until everything was clean and
working.
The girls we had inherited, the ones who worked looking after the children, were all
different ones from the girls from three years ago. I just hoped they were not as lazy and
useless as the former girls.
Last time I had given the hostel a ten kilo washing machine. It was broken of course.
Since I knew from former experience that the sewage system in the Mahatma Ghandi
hostel ( this is what we had proudly named our new hostel ) was lousy, I had brought with
me my good friend and plumber and electrician, Pocho. I asked him to have a look at the
washing machine and the sewage system to see if it was worth saving or would it be
cheaper and more effective to cancel it and install a new system. The accountant was busy
looking at the old accounts. She said they were in a total mess. Can´t say I was surprised.
Our doctor was with her new patients in the hospital that is called Pear Blossom Memorial
Hospital. It was shiningly clean. Two of the inherited women workers and Emerald Fairy
herself were lying on the floors, scrubbing and disinfecting them.
During all this hallabaluu the children had been driven to school by our inherited driver.
On the way home he had bought the food.
Three years ago the children had eaten rice three times a day. This was about to change.
Now they were going to have fruits and vegetables. And well cooked and tasty food. The

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cooks were still the same and I knew they cooked well. I had eaten with the owners, the
few times they were there and with the boss of the place. She, Milli was the only staff
member I got rid of as soon as we walked in to the hostel. She was a sadistic ex nun, who
enjoyed hurting my children. I told her to pack her bags. The driver would take her where
she wanted to go. Goodbye, forever.
Once the Pear Blossom, which is what I will call the hospital from now on, was in
working order my next task was to remove the kerosine, gasoline and other inflammable
materials away from underneath the only stairs existing in the girls hostel, leading to the
bottom floor. I was sure they were all still there. I had asked innumerable times, while I
lived there, please to find another place for them. There would be horrifying results if the
place caught fire. But no. They were never moved and they were too heavy for me to
remove. Sure enough, they were still there. I asked a few of the workers to put them in a
shed far away from living quarters. Pocho had the washing machine working and it was on
all day with one hour intervals. We did not want it to overheat. All the childrens clothes,
their sheets, pillow cases and matresses had to be washed. It would take days. The
matresses the children had were just thick sheets. Now they were going to have the same
sort of matresses as we had. There were hundreds of things that we needed. The list was
growing and growing. Everything was going to be painted. I had painted the girls hostel
three years ago, but it definitely needed another coat.
When the children came home from school they were met by exhausted and sweatty, but
Happy workers. Our work for the day was over. Now the children had showers, in clean
shower stalls, if you can call them that. They changed into clean clothes and had
something to eat. We had brought with us enormous cookie packets and fruit by the tons,
well almost. For the first time in their lives they had weak tea. They loved it. They had to
take turns because most of them had taken the aluminium tumblers, as they are called, I
had given them, to their parents houses. The ones that had parents. Another thing for the
list.
After two hours of home work where we all chipped in, it was time for dinner.
The children sit on the floor in rows . When they smelt and saw the food they all rushed up
and wanted to hug us. We hugged and kiss to our hearts delight.

The children were so excited that they could not stop chatting. We let them. They also had
to share their feelings, just as we were doing.
Soon the whole house was quiet. Everybody was sleeping. Exhaustion had taken over.

The first task next morning , after good morning kisses and hugs and breakfast, was to call
my friend and fellow worker from last time here, Soami. He had been kicked out before I
left, all that time ago, for protesting against the cruelty to the children and a lot of other
things that were wrong here . I got hold of his sister who said she would locate her brother
and have him call me. Splendid, Soami was intelligent, organized, educated and he spoke
perfect english. I would have to take tamil lessons again. Meanwhile Soami would be my
mouth piece. I couldn´t wait to see him again.

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I won´t bore you with more cleaning and organizing details. Enough to say that we had the
place in order in two months.

Now time had come to take a good look at the staff. Only staff that Loved the children,
could read and write and understand a little english could stay. The rest would have to go.
The main reason for a childrens´ home is to give them what they need. I am just justifying
having to sack them. I do not like doing it. We gave everyone who was sacked three
months pay and refrences. Soami talked to them and told them to think well before they
used their money. They had never had that much money before.

Two months had passed in just the blink of an eye Stardust was very tired and we decided
to have time off.
We packed our churidas and our tooth brushes and the inherited driver took us to Chennai.
In India I am always dressed in a churida, which consists of a pair of very loose pants and
a longish tunic. It is the only way to go dressed as it is very, very hot.

We took in at Broadlands, a Lovely hotel, Broadlands.

India is a huge country, full of people. There are people everywhere. Your private Space
is constantly invaded.
We had decided to have at least a month in Broadlands. More, if Stardust needed it.
We shopped for churidas for her and a long list of things that had to be bought for the
hostel. It was May and very hot and sticky. The first few days Stardust was exhausted. In
the Mahatma Gandhi Stardust had mostly written and recouperated. We ate in little
restaurants and walked around a bit. We bought some Indian sweets that were Heavenly.
We moved around Chennai by rickshaw, which is the only way, as far as I am concerned.
We had the same driver every day, he would wait for us close to the hotel. Besides being
our driver he was also our guide.
One morning, twenty seven days after arriving, Stardust woke up full of energy and said “
Mother, let´s go to the Mahatma Gandhi hostel “
I called the driver in the childrens home and asked him to come and get us and to have a
list of what we needed to get for the children.
This time the trip out into the wilderness took an hour longer because a bridge was down.
The traffic was brutal, but it always is in India.

When the children heard the car approaching they ran out to greet us. Stardust was
overwhelmed by children who wanted to hug and kiss her. She looked very Happy and so
was I.

While we had been away the Makuna Beans we had planted had grown to nearly two
meters in hight. What a beautiful sight. Next year we would have terrific soil. The thing in
India is that the soil is so poor that the tomatoes for instance, are the size of cherries. The
garlic is so small you need a magnifying glass to see the cloves. Well, almost.

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When I left here three years ago there was a life size statue of Christ standing in a glass
enclosure facing the patio. We had removed it to the sewing room, that was now going to
be used. For sewing. Pocho had fixed the machines, none of which were working when we
came here. In stead of the Christ we now had a Shiva, which was more fitting for Hindue
children. Beside Shiva were two pictures, one of each of my Daughters. I had read many a
documentary on the power of prayer. I had told my Indian children that both my Daughters
were very unHappy and sick girls. I had asked them to pray for them, each in the way they
saw fit. When Stardust walked into the patio and saw herself looking at her, I could see
from her face that she didn´t know if to get angry or Happy. Thankfully her heart must
have told her that it was an act of Love. She gave all of us a beutific smile.

We all worked hard until Sunshine arrived for Emerald Fairy´s birthday in november.
I had found sponsors for all the children and I had written to the old sponsors and told
them of the change that had taken place. Most of them continued to sponsor their children.
When Sunshine arrived we declared a holiday for us voluntary workers. We showed
Sunshine the place and the villages around. We had a great relaxing time.

The Makuna Bean had been planted on every empty Space, just like the Madicrians had
done on Madicri. And the Jacks, us, had done on Makuna.. The Mahatma Gandhi
childrens home was going to become a paradise just as Madicri and Makuna had.
Everything went on wheels and everybody was Happy..Some of the friends that I had
brought along went back home, as did Sunshine, Stardust and moi.
But we all came back again. We were like a huge extended family. A Happy one.

The children had studied english before. They could recite Kennedy´s speach to the United
Nations, but had never learnt to say, for instance, “ Good morning, how are you “
Now , after school, for an hour each day we played and talked only in english. The
learning capacity of these children is amazing. When they all spoke english we slowly,
still playing, taught them how to read and write english. The girls and boys who were
interested in learning how to sew, I taught what I knew. Pocho, who really is working very
hard is teaching the children, the ones who want to learn, carpentry. We also have an
Indian Music teacher and of course Siva, my friend the dwarf who was in charge of the
boys hostel, teaches Indian dancing. He is a fantastic dancer. You can see his Soul and
Spirit is in every move he makes. We also taught the children to administer money. We
had made an internal bank. For children and adults. With no interest rates, but with a
possibility to borrow money. The reason the children had money was that we had
competitions and expositions, theater plays and games. The prices were in money. This
way our children could save and have a little nest egg, when they turned eighteen. We
found jobs for all our children. No girl was ever forced to marry. First Aid, Healing and
Ayurovedic medicine was taught by our excelent Indian doctor. Remember my Indian
friend Soami, well his sister is a very talented painter who also works with us.

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All in all we want to give our children the best possible start in their adult lives. Never
forgetting that what really moves this Earth of ours is Love. We could, and I talk for all of
us, not have Loved and showed our Love, more if we had personally given birth to them.

One fine day my Grand Mother paid me a visit. I was walking up the stairs to go to bed,
when all of a sudden I could feel a whiff of her own particular smell.. She, or rather her
sweet smell followed me into my room. She stayed with me until I fell asleep.
Next night my Mother, Pear Blossom came to see me. She manifests herself in a Diamond
cut Crystal that I have hanging in my window. It was a dark Moonless night when my
Crystal started sparkling in all the Rainbows colors. The strong and beautiful transparent
colors were so sharp that I had to look away at first. I thought I would be blinded. My eyes
did not get burned, of course, and my Mother played me the Loveliest symphony in color I
have ever seen. Then I fell asleep even Happier than before. I dreamed I was standing on a
grassy hill, surrounded by more hills on every side. It was very beautiful, but strange.
Everything moved in waves. I have vertigo but I felt no fear. I could look down without
my stomach turning. I was surfing the soft green hills. Even the sky was curved. I was in a
curved World.
Next morning I woke up early, with the roosters.
First my Grand Mother and then my Mother. I was sure they wanted to tell me something.
I even thought I knew what it was.
I told my children and my co-workers that I might be going away during the next full
Moon. I told nobody where I was going, as I was not 100% sure myself.
The two days before full Moon I only ate fruits and vegetables.
On the night of the full Moon I kissed my two Daughters, asked them to kiss and hug all
the other children for me. When my girls left I washed, put on clean cloths, lit incense and
held my favorite Crystal in my hand. I sat on the floor with the full Moons bright, clean
light washing over me, in the Lotus position and I hightened my Vibrational level. Higher
and higher it went.
When I opened my eyes I was in Makuna. I was sitting in a glade in the woods close to Fir
Town.. I was home. I walked the streets of the sleeping town. Then I went to the Lake and
watched the Fairies. I felt as light as Air as I lay under a magnificent old Fir, smelling her
sweet fragrance. I stayed awake all night breathing in the Peace and listening to the
silence. Why had I ever left ?
When Dawn broke and the Sun´s red and orange rays peeked over the horizon among the
pink clouds I woke. What total Bliss I felt. I washed myself in the Lake, Air dried myself
and got dressed. I was going to go and see the Trolls on the Mountain.
All the things that had happened the last ten days were signs. I thought I knew what it was
all about, but I still wanted to check with the Trolls.
The town was still asleep as I climbed up the Flowering Mountain side. The Trolls were
up and about, as I knew they would. They were sitting outside their cool Natural caves
among the giant moss covered stones. Legend say that giants threw the stones there from
Madicri so that our people would feel at home, and so that the trolls would not be tempted
to find a new home.

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“ We have been waiting for you “ they said. They invited me for breakfast while they told
me what was going on in Makuna. One Troll Mother proudly showed me her new baby.
Her name was Moss and she was only three months old, and already almost as big as I.
I am avarage in size and slender, my figure is still almost as good as it once was, but I was
not strong enough to lift Moss.
“ What did you want to ask me “ Grand Mother Troll said.
“ I wanted to know how much time I have left on Gaia “I said.
“ Are your things in order in the World you live in ? “ Troll Granma wanted to know.
“ Most of them, yes “
“ Why don´t you visit with friends and family here for a while and then go back to your
World, put everything in order and then come back here “
“ I will “ I said. We hugged goodbye and I walked around for a while high up on the
Mountain top. I could see our beautiful Energy Pyramid sparkling in the light of the Sun.. I
looked down at a small Lake and beyond I saw the Sea calm as a mirror. I turned myself
into a Fairy and flew over the Tree tops, I zig-zagged among the branches and dipped my
wings in the dark mysterious Lake. Everything was feelings, of joy and Harmony, Flower
scents and clear crisp Air.

A week later I materialized in the Mahatma Gandhi childrens home. Next morning I woke
up in my own bed by Happy childrens´ voices.
Both Sunshine and Stardust were there and we kissed and hugged. I told them that I had
been home to Makuna and that it was absolutly Lovely.
I gently broke the news that I would leave for Makuna shortly and that I was not coming
back.
“ My time has come “ I told them.
That week we had parties and games every afternoon and evening. I told children and
grownups that I was leaving and would not be back.

This story has been written by the hand of Sunshine´s and Pond´s Daughter . Pond is the
son of our doctor. Rose Petal is eight years old and a true beauty. She is a tender good
hearted and helpful little girl and I am so proud to have her as a Grand Daughter.
I was given the gift of keeping my conscious ( instead of it becoming the subconscious,
while the subconscious became the supraconscious )mind as well as the return of my
memories so that Rose Petal could tell her future children and them in turn their children
and so on into eternity, so that Makuna will always be with them.

When I got back to Makuna the Trolls prepared me for departure from this World. They
laid me out in the Forest in a little glade. I was dressed in my favorite white long dress
when I went to sleep. When I woke up I thought I was still alive and in my old body but I
soon noticed that I was floating above the ground. But it looked just like Makuna. I was

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confused. My body was gone but I felt just the same in every other way. For three days I
lived in the Forest and among the Lakes. When the fourth day dawned I felt only joy and
Love and I had left Makuna. I had decided that I did not want to live on Gaia another time,
you know this is a choice we have. I wanted to disolve in the Light. I had wanted that my
Soul and Spirit would be with my Daughters, as their Guardian Angels, until their time
came.

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