I wanted to hate someone....

It was driving me up a wall all these characteristics I just couldn't stand.

I went back and forth in my mind why? What was their intent? Why did it bother
me so much? I began to think on a psychological level we can only see things we
either understand, or are beggining to understand, or have some experience with.
Started thinking I was really only seeing my reflection, true enough I was seei
ng undesirable traits in them, more than that I saw the traits in me. I had almo
st decided this person, their actions whether intentional or not were almost evi
l.
Then in turn on some levels I must be evil. Maybe I wasn't seeing the whole
picture, I was basing their "being evil" on my experiences, my preconditioning,
my abilities to see something. I had to back down with my attitude, they weren't
me no more than I am them, and for every bit I would hate the act of oversimpli
fying or making blanket statements (thoughts) out of someone else I would hate i
t coming from me. In my mind that's what I was doing by putting their actions in
the context of my experiences. I could still decide I was unhappy with the way
things were done, but as far as hating them for actions I couldn't quite grasp b
y not being them... It was unfair.
There are certainties in this life, the sun will come up tomorrow from the s
ame direction it always has. The seasons will change in a similar fashion barrin
g major catclysmic events... But good and evil are often so hard to define, espe
cially when you don't see everything that brought a person to that place. Hatere
d and anger blind, give a sort of tunnel vision that prevents you from seeing th
e whole picture, and how often times people do mean well it's just that a certai
n amount of "nature" comes into play and effects everyone differently based on t
heir individual experiences.
Never was there a "tragedy" written that had a "good" and "evil" that was ve
ry easily defined. What makes the tragedy almost always seems to me some misplac
ed or over emotion that prevents us from seeing the full picture. The ignorance
caused, sometimes chosen, sometimes forced by pride, sometimes by the simple fac
t that we all operate on different levels in different capacities of understandi
ng.
So I wanted, no I started to hate someone that turnned out to be myself. I k
new what it would bring me, thought I had to let it take it's course. I was bitt
er and mean and before I knew it I needed to forgive myself. I had to see it. I
had to look as much as I could without the pain of hurt pride, without the fear
of seeing myself and being what I hate, I had to suspend my judgements. What hap
pened wasn't all that wrong, when you see all the factors it was somewhat predic
atable and understandable.
What actually brought about the melodrama? Human nature, love, carelessness
pasion, a certain amount inconsideration, indescretion, a number of things, but
primarily life in general. No reason to hate the sun, it's still setting in the
same direction, on it's way now. Just have to let it be what it is and adjust ac
cordingly...

(just reminder, written to myself)