Anthony Weiner: A Jewish Perspective

Parshat Beha'alotecha 5771 By Rabbi Mark Greenspan

It would be easy for me to stand here this morning and say, "Shame on you, Anthony Weiner!" But I'm not sure such a condemnation would serve any purpose, either for the congressman who is not present to hear what I have to say or for all of you who are. Like many of you, I found this past week myself pondering the bizarre behavior of Congressman Weiner and trying to understand why a successful community leader and up-and-coming politician with a beautiful and talented wife - and everything to live for - would act in such a self-destructive fashion, and truthfully, I have no simple answers. It makes absolutely no sense. But the scary thing about Weiner's behavior is that what we saw this week is not uncommon. We have seen such behavior again and again among our most respected leaders and it is more common than we care to admit among regular people like you and me. So we must ask ourselves: what gives? This is not simply an issue of right and wrong. There is no question that 'sexting' is wrong for a married person and a questionable activity for others. I suspect that if we had asked Anthony Weiner if it is proper for a married person to engage in such behavior he would have said that it is wrong, and he would have meant it. And yet he did it anyway. I believe that when Weiner lied to the public last week and said that he was not responsible for putting those pictures on the internet, he really meant what he said. 'Denial' is a powerful psychological response. There is something more fundamental and basic going on here. This is an issue of character, and of emotional forces that are more powerful than we often realize. This week I was reminded of a story which appears in the Talmud. Abaye Was one of the greatest rabbinic scholars of third century. And yet even he was not above temptation. The Talmud says that Abaye once overheard a man say to a woman: "Let us arise and travel together." Abaye presumed the worst about this couple and said, "I'll follow them and keep them from sinning." The sage followed the couple through the city, across the meadow, and over the hills. Finally the couple came to a fork in the road. They stopped, shook hands and said, "It's been nice walking with you; have a good day. And each turned and went his/her own way. The Talmud says that in deep despair, Abaye leaned against a doorpost and said: "If it had been me, I could not have restrained myself!" The story concludes by telling us that at that moment, an old man (maybe it was the prophet, Elijah) walked up to Abaye and said: "The greater the man, the greater the evil impulse." The sages speak of the yetzer harah, the evil impulse and the yetzer hatov, the impulse or inclination for good. They do not speak simply of good and evil as external forces in the world or human actions as either right and wrong. Rather than speaking of the world in black and white terms, they describe human nature in terms of an impulse for good and evil that resides in every human soul. The yetzer hatov and the yetzer harah are two forces constantly battling in every human soul. The evil inclination can be a source of aggression, sexual domination, and the desire to possess and control. It can be a source the misery and suffering in the world. But the yetzer harah is also a necessary part of our human character. The Talmud says, "Were it not for the evil inclination, no man would build a house, marry a wife, or beget children." The evil inclination is what makes us human. We are who we

are because we have both an impulse for good as well as an impulse for domination in our lives. The battle ground of these two impulses is often emerges in the realm of sexuality though it is not limited to this aspect of human behavior. Sex can be positive and beautiful - a source of sanctification but when it is allowed to go unchecked and uncontrolled, it can demean, humiliate and destroy. So here was the great insight of the sages. They understood that the very qualities that make a great leader can also be the source of their destructive behavior. King David, the man who wrote psalms and was singer of God's praise could also commit adultery and murder. When Abaye sees the young couple part ways, he comes to the realization that the destructive and sinful behavior he saw in others was really his own. When the Talmud tells us that he leaned against a doorpost in despair, I wonder whether he was putting his head next to the Mezuzah, searching for strength from God. At that moment Abaye, who was so self-assured self righteous (like many of our politicians and leaders), came to the realization that he did not have the power to reign in his own desires and inclinations. It is against this background that we can understand the first steps in Alcoholics Anonymous toward sobriety. Members of Alcoholics Anonymous are asked to commit themselves to twelve statements or steps in order to become sober. The Alcoholic must begin by acknowledging that he is not in control of his own life. He say: "We admit we were powerless over alcohol - that our lives had become unmanageable. We have come to believe that a Power greater than ourselves can restore us to sanity." I believe that this might be a helpful model for understanding Congressman Weiner's behavior. Anthony Weiner is not necessarily a bad person, but he is an addict. He has no control over his own impulses. He has lost the ability to be self-reflective or self-critical. And those are the first steps toward living a responsible life. Until he acknowledges this, he will be prone to self-destructive behavior. We can condemn Anthony Weiner but I wonder how many of us are not so different from him in some ways? If Weiner deserves to resign it is not because of his inappropriate use of the internet; it is because he lied to the public. We have every right to expect honesty and integrity from our leaders. When he lied to the public, he broke the public trust. For sexting on the internet, Weiner needs help. For being incapable of taking responsibility for his actions he must be held accountable. Again consider King David. When David commits adultery with Bathsheba, David's yetzer harah gets the better of him. But when he is confronted with his sin by the prophet Nathan, David immediately acknowledges that what he did was wrong. "I have sinned against the Lord." There are still consequences but David is not impeached like his predecessor because he can take responsibility for his actions. I'd like to suggest that the one of the central issues that Judaism tries to address is not just 'sin' but selfdestructive behavior. We see this quite dramatically in today's Torah portion. After months of preparation for their journey, Israel takes leave of Mount Sinai. They are only weeks away from the Promised Land - and yet their journey is ill fated. No sooner do they begin traveling they rebel. They complain. They question Moses leadership. Even Moses has a crisis of leadership. It is almost as if they are intent on causing their journey to fail. These incidents culminate with the story of the spies who return from Canaan with a mixed report of what they will face. Again Israel rebels. It almost as if Israel doesnt want to reach the Promised Land. Their actions are not so much sinful as they are sabotage. When I look at leaders like Anthony Weiner and I wonder whether to some extent they are out to sabotage their own lives for complex psychological and emotional reasonsThere is a poem in our Yom Kippur liturgy that makes just this point: Whom can I accuse of whom revenge demand, when I have born deep suffering at my own hand?

Other hearts have held hatred for me, but my own heart hates me more than anyone knows My body bears the wounds of relentless foes, but none can match my self-inflicted wounds. I have been seduced for my destruction but none have lured me like my own eyes. I have been burned by countless fires but none compare with the heat of my desires. I'd like to suggest that we are in one of those rare teachable moments. We need to talk about Anthony Weiner with our families and especially with our children and grandchildren. The issue here is not Anthony Weiner or the political future of New York but you and me. How do we make sane choices in our lives? How do we use the impulses and inclinations with which we are endowed to create a better world rather than misery and unhappiness? The internet is a powerful tool but it can also be a destructive weapon - what responsibilities do we have in the way we use it? In a world where there are very few boundaries, how do we decide how to affirm life rather than destroy life? The issue here is not about sin as much as it is about self-destructive behaviors. We like to say, It is a free world; what I do in the privacy of my life is no one else's business as long as 'I'm not hurting anyone else.' But that is not true. Our lives are not ours alone. And we have seen quite dramatically that there is no such thing as private and public in the world, particularly when it comes to the internet. Teenagers often dont understand this - and Weiner is a cautionary tale that we need to learn. Frankly, I'm angry at Anthony Weiner but I also feel sorry for him. His fall from power is nothing less than a tragedy. But I'm more concerned about our lives and the choices we make every day. We live in a mine field. It is so easy to fail, to give in to desire, to cheat, to allow ourselves to become addicted to destructive behaviors. None of us are immune. We all have a Yetzer Harah: that is a fact. The question is whether we choose to use it to sanctify or sabotage the world and our own lives. Shabbat Shalom