Professional Documents
Culture Documents
2006 Edition
Communication : An Introduction
The word communication comes from the Latin word communico meaning share. Communication has been defined in various ways. The one chosen here for its simplicity and practicality is Communication is a mutual exchange of facts, ideas, thoughts and perceptions, resulting in common understanding of all parties.
Front line personnel should spend over 50% of their time communicating
the information needed to conduct businesses in to motivate their people. In fact communication is not just a mangers job it is everyones responsibility.
FEEDBACK
The sender decides to send a message, for which he encodes the message i.e. he translates his idea into symbols and forms. To ensure that the message is understood the sender must ensure that the encoding is done right. The message when received by the receiver is decoded. In other words he interprets it on the basis of his past experiences, expectations, etc. Most problems in communication arise when there is incongruence between the way the sender encodes the message and in the manner the receiver decodes it. Feedback forms an integral part of a communication process. This tells the sender how much of the message has been understood, that it has been received in full. Thus the process continues ending in a constructive exercise. However the process of communication is susceptible to breakdown due to various barriers or interferences that are a part of any organizational setup
Non-Verbal communication
What is left unsaid is more important that what is said. A major component of the emotional impact of a message is communicated non-verbally perhaps up to 90 percent. Some major aspects of non-verbal communication are posture, gestures, eye contact, gaze, facial expressions, voice, feelings, etc. The principal aspects of nonverbal communication are 1. Physical Appearance 2. Body movement Gestures, Posture 3. Facial Expression So, Use an erect body posture when walking, standing, or sitting. Slouching and slumping are almost universally considered as indicators of low selfconfidence. Patting other people on the back and slightly nodding while patting is the best way to show appreciation non-verbally. Standing with toes pointed outwards rather than inwards. Outwardpointing toes are usually perceived as indicators of superior status, while inward-pointing toes are perceived to indicate inferiority. Maintaining eye contact with those around you. Smile frequently in a relaxed, natural-appearing manner. Speak at a moderate pace, with loud, clear, confident tone, people lacking in self-confidence tend to speak too rapidly or too slowly. Stand up straight especially during a confrontation. Cowering is a sign of a loser even before the conversation has begun. Correct use of space. People immediately move away if they experience invasion of their territory. So maintain right distance and through your body language exhibit respect for the individual. Do not gesticulate too much, generally this is a sign of nervousness and lack of control of situation. During introductions offer your hand confidently and grasp the other individuals hand for a few seconds in a sure and warm handshake.
THE WINNING EDGE Clothing, dress, and appearance are all means of non-verbal communication. You are therefore advised to pay attention to these aspects to portray a pleasing and assertive personality. The key indicators of relaxed body language are Maintenance of Eye Contact A comfortable smile Controlled and relaxed body movement Relaxed , pleasant face Well modulated pleasant voice To improve and get feedback of ones body language, it is recommended that you role-play various situations you are face with on a daily basis and get feedback from the mirror or a good friend. The recommendations is for conveying a positive image through the Voice are Tone to be low pitched Language to be simple Moderate speed of speaking Smile in the voice
Introduction to Listening
Lis-ten-ing n (1996, International Listening Association): the process of receiving, constructing meaning from, and responding to spoken and/or nonverbal messages Listening Facts Most people spend at least 45% of communication time listening Most people listen to and understand only about a fourth of what is being communicated We think faster than we speak (speech 150 words per minute & thinking 500 words per minute) 85% of individuals rate themselves as average or worse listeners Listening is the most used of all communication skills Listening is the least developed of all communication skills Listening training improves listening ability Listening is an art, a skill & a discipline that like other skills needs selfcontrol Listening skills are poorest when people interact with those closest to them. They interrupt and jump to conclusions more frequently We hear more rapidly than one can speak
The six stages of listening are 1. Receiving 2. Selecting 3. Interpreting 4. Understanding 5. Evaluating 6. Resolving
1. 2. 3. 4. 5. 6. 7. 8. 9. 10. 11. 12. 13. 14. 15. 16. 17. 18. 19. 20.
I focus all my attention on the speaker when conversing I consciously look for issues or action items during conversations I avoid planning my next remarks until after I have heard the entire message I approach conversations with interest and a desire to truly listen I avoid letting my emotions get in the way of my listening I avoid daydreaming as I listen I try to put myself in the speakers place and empathize with what he or she is saying To avoid jumping ahead in the conversation, I avoid assumptions about what someone will say I feedback, in my own words, what I heard the speaker say in order to verify my understanding of the message I check my understanding of a speakers meaning by asking for clarification of words or comments I do not understand I use a variety of techniques to stay focused while someone speaks I make eye contact oar look at the person as he or she speaks I consciously think about how someone might respond to what I say I allow the speaker to present his or her ideas even when I am emotional about the topic I don not let other sounds or activities distract me as I listen I listen objectively and dont judge the speaker When appropriate, I take notes as I listen I listen for ideas and concepts, not just details or facts I select a location that provides the best environment for effective listening and limits distractions I observe and evaluate the speakers physical posture and gestures as he or she speaks
THE WINNING EDGE statements usually begin as follows: "What I heard you say was . . ." Reflective statements tell the speaker, "Here is what I think you mean."
Questioning
Good negotiators ask helpful questions as they check with the other. These questions usually are open-ended to encourage people to provide more information. There are four types of open-ended questions active negotiators use. Skilled negotiators resist the temptation to advise, criticize, or judge when asking these questions. They use these questions because they are genuinely curious to find out what other people mean
Open-ended questions
Question Type Openers Elicit general information that may lead to more specific questions Ask for elaboration, or to aid understanding Examples What are your ideas about your role in this group? What do you think are the goals of this project? Would you please say some more about that? What was the result? What do you think can be improved? Clarifiers Gain a clearer understanding of what has been said What do you mean by "urgent"? When you say you want this done "early next week," can you provide a day and time? Anything else? What do you think are the possible responses to this action?
Followups
Probes
Model emphasizes the integration of advocacy and inquiry. It asks negotiators to express openly what they think and feel and actively to seek understanding of others thoughts and feelings In normal business discussions, people tend to advocate their positions in order to win and discourage inquiry into them. For example, a negotiator may have fallen into the habit of saying, I have decided this and I really dont want to discuss it. If he were attempting to balance advocacy and inquiry, he might begin by speaking this way, Here is what I would tend to decide, and here are my reasons why. Now tell me how you see it differently. Or a member of a group might say, Heres how I see the problem. My data is. . . . How do you see it differently? If our goal is to balance advocacy and inquiry, then we would listen by trying to understand what another person is saying and by having the courage to step into his or her frame of reference.
BARRIERS TO COMMUNICATION
1. Distortion of message: Our mouth is capable of speaking around 100-120 in a minute. However our mind can process 450 words in a minute. Thus when anyone talks to us, we hear what they say, but we also add words and meanings from our brain. Those words get mixed up with whatever the person says, and later it is difficult to remember what was actually said and what was added by us. 2. Past Experiences: We judge everything according to our past experience. Whilst each situation needs to be analyzed and evaluated individually. We tend to be prejudiced about situations depending what we are used to and expect things to happen in a particular way. 3. Failure to listen: Our mouth can speak 100-120 words in a minute and our ears can listen up to 240 word in a minute. But generally we do not use these sense organs in the actual ratio. Effective listening requires hearing and understanding. 4. Faulty Perception: This generally happens in the encoding and decoding stages. We tend to attach our views and perception to the message and as result it loses its purity. 5. Fear: Fear plays a very important role as a source of communication barrier in organization. The fear of the BOSS or CLIENT is a prime example of this. Very often one fails to communicate and this results in a breakdown. 6. Badly Expressed message: Sometimes people do not speak clearly or do not use proper words. This especially happens when not enough stress is given to the encoding stage. When we do not use the non-verbal aspects of communication like emphasis, pause during transmission the actual message is lost. 7. Language: Especially in India where we speak diverse languages and tend to mix them up, the chances of a communication breakdown always exits. 8. Exaggeration: It is important not to sell the benefits of your products. Claiming that your product is the best, finest may not sound believable to the customer 9. Ego: If you wish that communication is effective, keep your ego out of it. Many a communication breakdowns have happened due to the bloated ego. 10. Physical Distractions : Poor acoustics, bad phone connections, illegible copy, Uncomfortable chair, poor lighting, health problems are annoyances that can block communication 11. Information Overload : Too much of information makes it difficult to assess what is appropriate and can effect thinking and communication
7. Give feedback immediately after the behavior. When feedback is given immediately after the action, the event is fresh in both peoples minds. In this way, feedback acts as a mirror of the persons behavior. There often is a tendency, however, to delay feedback. A person may fear losing emotional control, hurting anothers feelings, or being criticized. An exception to this guideline is the case of the regularly scheduled feedback session, the purpose of which is to keep communication channels open 8. Allow the freedom to change or not to change. A person should have the freedom to use feedback in any meaningful way without being required to change. A giver of feedback who tells a person to change is attempting to set the standards for right and wrong or good and bad behavior and is judging the other person against these standards. Pressure to change can be very direct or very subtle, thus creating a competitive, no-win relationship. Furthermore, imposing standards on others by expecting them to change arouses resistance and even resentment. 9. Express feelings directly. People frequently assume that they are expressing their feelings when actually they are stating opinions and perceptions. Statements that begin with I feel that . . . often finish with beliefs or opinions. For example, the statement, I feel that you are driving too fast, is an indirect expression of feelings. The underlying statement of feelings in the above example may be, I am anxious because you are driving so fast, or, I am frightened because you are driving fast. Indirect expressions of feelings offer an escape from commitment and often prevent meaningful feedback. AND FINALLY . It is most important to remember that feedback should nonjudgmental, specific, and should offer freedom of choice. be descriptive,
INTERPRETATION
Confidence Readiness, aggression Boredom Open, relaxed Defensiveness Dejection Evaluation, thinking Rejection, doubt, lying Doubt, disbelief Anger, frustration, apprehension Anticipation Confidence, superiority Sincerity, openness, innocence Negative evaluation Impatience Authoritative Lacks self-confidence; insecure Interest Trying to make a decision Disbelief Insecurity, nervousness Indecision
Quadrant 1, the pane in the upper left-hand corner, is called the Arena. This is the area in which both of us have the same information about me. This is the area of free and open communications. Here, both of us are aware of my behaviors and motivations, the things I do and say and the possible reasons why I do and say them.
Quadrant 2, the pane in the upper right-hand corner, is called the Blind Spot. This is the area in which you have information about me of which I am not aware. You have control over the information in the Blind Spot. Unless you share the information with me, I cannot know how I come across to you. Dr. Timmons also calls this the B. O. Area. It is as if I have a very strong body odor and everyone else knows it, but me. Quadrant 3, the pane in the lower left-hand corner, is called the Facade. This is the area in which I have information about me that you do not have. This area is under my control. You cannot know this information unless I share it with you. Some of the information which you would not know about me might include my past behaviors, my motives, knowledge I might have, and intentions towards you. Here, my hidden agenda resides.
Sharing or Self-Disclosure
By sharing information I know about me that you do not, I reduce the size of my Facade and enlarge the Arena between us. Sharing or self-disclosure puts more data on the table and gives you more information about what I am up to. The more data and information I give you about me, the more effective your inferences will be about me.
Risk
If our goal is to increase the free flow of information and improve open communications, we must share personal information with each other. I have to share information about myself with you. You have to share information about yourself with me. However, sharing is a risky business. If I share information with you about myself, how can I be sure that you won't use it against me? If you expose your vulnerabilities to me, how do you know I won't hurt you and the people you love? I can never be sure you won't hurt me. Likewise, you can never be sure I won't violate you. But if we are to accomplish our goal, we have to take a risk and share. This means we have to have a trust relationship.
Trust
A trust relationship is many things to many people. In terms of the people stuff principles we have been discussing, a trust relationship means you and I respect one another's uniqueness and appreciate our needs to feel like somebody. We strive to enhance and protect each other's zig zags, try not to violate each other, and preserve each other's dignity. We have an unquestioning confidence that when we offer one
Going First
Trust doesn't just appear. It has to be built slowly and carefully. One way to begin building a trust relationship is for me to share something with you about me. The first steps include taking a risk and sharing something with you first. You will be more disposed to share something about yourself with me if you see me go first. On the other hand, if I depend upon you to share first and withhold information about myself until you share, we may not get out of the blocks. If I am aware that sharing breeds openness and openness breeds trust, if I have a feeling you are not aware of this, and if our goal is to build a trust relationship, it is my responsibility to take the risk and go first. Going first doesn't guarantee that we will be on our way to building a trust relationship. However, not going first definitely guarantees that we will struggle in our efforts. If someone doesn't take a risk and share first, we may never know the joys of a trust relationship.
Interpersonal Feedback
Not all the information about me is known to me. As you and I interact, you will notice things about me of which I am unaware. Often I am not aware of the mannerisms, gestures, facial expressions, vocal inflections, and other behaviors I exhibit as I interact with you. I am certainly not aware of how my behavior affects you, your emotions, and your physical condition. This information is in my Blind Spot and it is under your control. We can further enlarge the Arena between us if you share this Blind Spot information about me with me. Sharing Blind Spot information is called interpersonal feedback and it is very helpful in improving the free exchange of information and the openness of communications.
Carefully read each numbered item and its statements marked "A" and "B." Allot a total of 5 points between options A & B for each question on the following basis
---------------------------------------------------- 0
You are least likely to react this way
1. If a friend of mine had a "personality conflict" with a mutual acquaintance of ours with whom it was important for him/her to get along, I would: _____ A. _____ B. Tell my friend that I felt s/he was partially responsible for any problems with this other person and try to let him/her know how the person was being affected by him/her. Not get involved because I wouldn't be able to continue to get along with both of them once I had entered in any way.
2. If one of my friends and I had a heated argument in the past and I realized that s/he was ill at ease around me from that time on, I would: _____ A. _____ B. Avoid making things worse by discussing his/her behavior and just let the whole thing drop. Bring up his/her behavior and ask him/her how s/he felt the argument had affected our relationship.
3. If a friend began to avoid me and act in an aloof and withdrawn manner, I would: _____ A. Tell him/her about his/her behavior and suggest that s/he tell me what was on his/her mind. _____ B. Follow his/her lead and keep our contact brief and aloof since that seems to be what s/he wants. 4. If two of my friends and I were talking and one of my friends slipped and brought up a personal problem of mine that involved the other friend, of which s/he was not yet aware, I would: _____ A. Change the subject and signal my friend to do the same. _____ B. Fill my uniformed friend in on what the other friend was talking about and suggest that we go into it later. 5. If a friend of mine were to tell me that, in his/her opinion, I was doing things that made me less effective than I might be in social situations, I would: _____ A. Ask him/her to spell out or describe what s/he has observed and suggest changes I might make. _____ B. Resent his/her criticism and let him/her know why I behave the way I do. 6. If one of my friends aspired to an office in our organization for which I felt s/he was unqualified, and if s/he had been tentatively assigned to that position by the leader of our
14. If I thought an ugly rumor was being spread about me and suspected that one of my friends had quite likely heard it, I would: _____ A. Avoid mentioning the issue and leave it to him/her to tell me about it if s/he wanted to. _____ B. Risk putting him/her on the spot by asking him/her directly what s/he knew about the whole thing. 15. If I had observed a friend in social situations and thought that s/he was doing a number of things which hurt his/her relationships, I would: _____ A. Risk being seen as a busy body and tell him/her what I had observed and my reactions to it. _____ B. Keep my opinion to myself rather than be seen as interfering in things that are none of my business. 16. If two friends and I were talking and one of them inadvertently mentioned a personal problem which involved me, but of which I knew nothing, I would: _____ A. Press them for information about the problem and their opinions about it. _____ B. Leave it up to my friends to tell me or not tell me, letting them change the subject if they wished. 17. If a friend seemed to be preoccupied and began to jump on me for seemingly unimportant things, and to come irritated with me and others without real cause, I would: _____ A. Treat him/her with kid gloves for awhile on the assumption that s/he was having some temporary personal problems which were none of my business. _____ B. Try to talk to him/her about it and point out to him/her how his/her behavior was affecting people. 18. If I had begun to dislike certain habits of a friend to the point that it was interfering with my enjoying his/her company, I would: _____ A. Say nothing to him/her directly, but let him/her know my feelings by ignoring him/her whenever his/her annoying habits were obvious. _____ B. Get my feelings out in the open and clear the air so that we could continue our friendship comfortably and enjoyably. 19. In discussing social behavior with one of my more sensitive friends, I would: _____ A. Avoid mentioning his/her flaws and weaknesses so as not to hurt his/her feelings. _____ B. Focus on his/her flaws and weaknesses so s/he could improve his/her interpersonal skills. 20. If I knew I might be assigned to an important position in our group and my friends' attitudes toward me had become rather negative, I would: _____ A. Discuss my shortcomings with my friends so I could see where to improve. _____ B. Try to figure out my own shortcomings by myself so I could improve.
2B ________ 3A ________ 5A ________ 7A ________ 8B ________ 10B ________ 12B _______ 14B ________ 16A ________ 20A ________
Total ________
Total _______
EQ definition:
Acknowledging and understanding the influence of emotions on ourselves and others, and responding using integrity and intuition to guide behaviour
CONFLICT MANAGEMENT
Introduction Conflict is a process of management and not necessarily resolution. As managers and supervisors, you should know the importance of Conflict Management. Recent studies estimate that you spend about 40% of your time resolving disputes among your staff. As humans, conflict is inevitable. We are all very different people with varied interests and desires. Managers must recognize this and learn to use it to their advantage. Understanding the causes of conflict can help when deciding which approach to take towards resolution. Conflict can be a positive force if managed effectively. Left unmanaged, conflict can have a number of negative effects. 1. 2. 3. 4. Poor morale Low productivity Waste of resources High turnover rate Different problems occur depending on the situation and set of employees. Individuals may feel management is against them or have problems with others around them. People working in groups often feel anger, frustration, antagonism and suffer misunderstandings and hurt feelings.
Managing conflict can raise their self-esteem, making them feel management does care and that they are important. PROCESS OF CONFLICT: To handle conflict effectively one must understand the process of conflict. 1. Perception of conflict: This is a stage of latent (hidden) conflict. Beginning of feeling of tension, frustration, dissatisfaction, etc. 2. Realisation: The stage where the presence of conflict is conflict is confirmed. Availability of resources (skill, power, etc.) is assessed. Grievances are expressed. 3. Strategy selection & Implementation: Based on the availability of resources the right kind of approach is selected. This is the most crucial stage. However the planning of strategy for managing conflict is often most neglected and this leads to dysfunctional conflict. 4. Evaluation of outcomes: The positives and negatives of the outcome are weighed. Whatever the resolution there is a need to monitor continuously for resolution may just be temporary.
Instructions: In the blank preceding each statement, write the number that indicates how often you engage in the behaviour described Almost always 5 Often 4 Sometimes 3 Seldom 2 Almost Never 1
In a Conflict situation
1. I enjoy a debate 2. I attempt to deal with all of others people as well as my concerns 3. I go for practical outcome 4. I let others take responsibility for solving the problem 5. I get annoyed by aggressive people 6. I put my own point vigorously 7. I insist that the other person put his views before I put my own 8. I look for trade-offs: give and take a little 9. I try to do what is necessary to avoid useless tensions 10. I try to put others need first 11. I take the leading a group 12. I consistently seek others help in working out a solution 13. I get annoyed by people who stick o protocol and rules 14. I try to avoid creating unpleasantness for myself 15. I am open to influence from the other person 16. I like having the last word 17. I attempt to get all concerns and issues immediately out in the open 18. I like being trouble shooter 19. I try to postpone 20. I try to soothe the others feelings and preserve our relationships 21. I feel strongly motivated by need to reach my goals 22. I try to create rapport with the other person 23. I feel strongly motivated by a need to find immediate solutions 24. I feel that differences are not always worth worrying about 25. I am willing to sacrifice my own wishes for the wishes of the other person 26. I speak up when I think I am right 27. I feel strongly motivated by a need to share power 28. I may annoy others by giving grounds too quickly 29. I feel strongly motivated by wanting not be the target o f other peoples anger 30. I try not to hurt others feelings 31. I get annoyed by people who wont stand up for themselves 32. I like being a facilitator 33. I try to find a position that is intermediate between other persons view and mine 34. I get annoyed by people who deliberately create danger in relationships 35. If I makes other people happy, I let them maintain their views 36. I may annoy others by seeing bossy 37. I get annoyed by people who refuse to work as equal 38. I try to find a fair contribution of gains and loses for both of us 39. I void taking positions which would crate controversy 40. If the others position seems very important to him/her I try to meet his/ her wishes
In a Conflict situation people will describe me as 1. Forceful 2. Patient 3. Pragmatic 4. Fearful 5. Flexible 6. Articulate 7. Calm 8. Focused on the short term 9. Careful 10. Passive 11. Impatient 12. Problem solver 13. Tactical rather than strategic 14. Procrastinating 15. Cooperative 16. Inflexible 17. Willing to learn 18. Charming 19. Low Key 20. Lacking authority 21. Ruthless 22. Steady 23. Frivolous 24. Unconfident 25. Unselfish
SCORING
PART ONE A 1 6 11 16 21 26 31 36
TOTAL
B 2 7 12 17 22 27 32 37
TOTAL
C 3 8 13 18 23 28 33 38
TOTAL
D 4 9 14 19 24 29 34 39
TOTAL
E 5 10 15 20 25 30 35 40
TOTAL
PART TWO 1 6 11 16 21
TOTAL
2 7 12 17 22
TOTAL
3 8 13 18 23
TOTAL
4 9 14 19 24
TOTAL
5 10 15 20 25
GRAND TOTAL
GRAND TOTAL
GRAND TOTAL
GRAND TOTAL
GRAND TOTAL
50
44
38
32
26
20
14
8
Competing A Collaborating B Compromising C Avoiding D Accommodating E
A S S E
R T I
Collaborating (Win-Win)
V E N E S S
Compromising
(Sharing)
Avoiding
(Withdrawal ,Postponement, Delegating, Deferring )
Accommodating (Lose-Win)
CO-OPERATIVENESS
12
THE WINNING EDGE RESOLVING CONFLICTS: APPROPRIATENESS OF STRATEGIES
1. Competition (win-lose) When resources are limited In emergencies When enforcing unpopular measures In matters of vital importance where it is risky to give an option User characteristics Takes firm stand Can be intimidating to subordinates who are likely to fear dissent
2.
Collaboration (win-win) When both the parties concerns are equally important When the commitment of both parties is essential for implementation of the solution When the parties objectives are: (a) To learn (b) To develop synergies (c) To maintain smooth relationships User characteristics Views disagreement as opportunities to make things better Sometimes tries inappropriately hard to reach consensus on unimportant problems
3.
Compromise (lose-lose) When goals are of lower order importance As a short-term solution When competition or collaboration fails
User characteristics Valmar International with RSS Mani & Associates, Mumbai
Cynically views the mechanics of compromise as more important than the substantive concerns about the controversy Able to give and take Not intimidated by the stressful environment of a bargaining situation
4.
Accommodation (Submission: lose-win) When realizing that one is in the wrong When the others need/goal is more important When continued conflicts are damaging to the relations For preserving peace & harmony User characteristics Accepts default decisions Withholds contributions of decision making Cautiously evades conflict Does not want to hurt others feelings Delegates or passes controversies on to others
5.
For more information When someone else can resolve the conflict better
User characteristics Gives in to others when warranted or perhaps when not Reasonable Willing to admit errors Wise enough to surrender when appropriate Knows the correct exceptions to policies
50
44
38
32
26
20
14
8
Competing A Collaborating B Compromising C Avoiding D Accommodating E
A S S
E R T I
Competing (dominance)
Collaborating (win-win)
V E N E S S
Compromising
(Sharing)
Avoiding
(Withdrawal)
Accommodating (accomodating)
CO-OPERATIVENESS
12
THE WINNING EDGE RESOLVING CONFLICTS: APPROPRIATENESS OF STRATEGIES
6. Competition (win-lose) When resources are limited In emergencies When enforcing unpopular measures In matters of vital importance where it is risky to give an option User characteristics Takes firm stand Can be intimidating to subordinates who are likely to fear dissent
7.
Collaboration (win-win) When both the parties concerns are equally important When the commitment of both parties is essential for implementation of the solution When the parties objectives are: (d) To learn (e) To develop synergies (f) To maintain smooth relationships User characteristics Views disagreement as opportunities to make things better Sometimes tries inappropriately hard to reach consensus on unimportant problems
8.
Compromise (lose-lose) When goals are of lower order importance As a short-term solution When competition or collaboration fails User characteristics
9.
Accommodation (Submission: lose-win) When realizing that one is in the wrong When the others need/goal is more important When continued conflicts are damaging to the relations For preserving peace & harmony User characteristics Accepts default decisions Withholds contributions of decision making Cautiously evades conflict Does not want to hurt others feelings Delegates or passes controversies on to others
10.
For more information When someone else can resolve the conflict better
User characteristics Gives in to others when warranted or perhaps when not Reasonable Willing to admit errors Wise enough to surrender when appropriate Knows the correct exceptions to policies
C
1 4 8 12 22 24 TOT 2 5 10 14 16 17 TOT
E
3 7 15 25 26 30 TOT
A
6 9 13 23 27 29 TOT
B
11 18 19 20 21 28 TOT
YOUR EGOGRAM
A 24 20 16 12 8 4
EGO STATES
Inside each person there is a constant conversation / argument / discussion. When you make a decision to do something, what you do is very much influenced by what people say to themselves beforehand about the situation. Each ego state has specific characteristics and that determines how we interact with each other. Ego states are consistent patterns of feelings and experiences with corresponding behaviors Berne also says that each person being made up of three ego states:
Parent
This is our ingrained voice of authority, absorbed conditioning, learning and attitudes from when we were young. We were conditioned by our real parents, teachers, older people, next door neighbours, aunts and uncles. Our Parent is made up of a huge number of hidden and overt recorded playbacks. Typically embodied by phrases and attitudes starting with how to, under no circumstances, always and never forget, dont lie, cheat, steal, etc, etc. Our parent is formed by external events and influences upon us as we grow through early childhood. We can change it, but this is easier said than done.
The controlling, disciplining, restricting. This is the critical part that instinctively reacts The helpful, caring, loving, This is the supporting and nurturing part
Child
Our internal reaction and feelings to external events form the Child. This is the seeing, hearing, feeling, and emotional body of data within each of us. When anger or despair dominates reason, the Child is in control. Like our Parent we can change it, but it is no easier. The child ego has the facets of The Natural child primitive, impulsive, instinctive, undisciplined and demanding The Adapted child this carries the influence of a persons upbringing which does as it is told and give rise to guilt, rebellion, obedience, compromises
Adult
Our Adult is our ability to think and determine action for ourselves, based on received data. The adult in us begins to form at around ten months old, and is the means by which we keep our Parent and Child under control. If we are to change our Parent or Child we must do so through our adult. The adult is the mature, deliberating part of personality. Your actions and words are sensible and well considered, as opposed to the automatic reactions of the parent ego. The adult collects information, evaluates it, works out probabilities, tackles and solves problems, all in a logical, calm, collected way. You concentrate on fact, not feelings and prejudices
In other words:
P is our Taught concept of life A is our Thought concept of life C is our Felt concept of life When we communicate we are doing so from one of our own alter ego states, our Parent, Adult or Child. Our feelings at the time determine which one we use, and at any time something can trigger a shift from one state to another. When we respond, we are also doing this from one of the three states, and it is in the analysis of these stimuli and responses that the essence of Transactional Analysis lies
Tone critical, condescending, disgusted, angry loving, comforting, good, nice, splendid, concerned, NP tender sympathetic A correct, how, what, practical wow, fun, want , great, ouch
Attitude judgemental, authoritarian caring, giving, understanding erect, factual, confident curious, funloving
NC
thoughtful, alert, even, calm, enquiry open, level eye contact uninhibited, free loud energetic spontaneous, changeable pouting, sad, innocent
uncontrolled
AC
Parent
Physical - angry or impatient body-language and expressions, finger-pointing, patronising gestures, Verbal - always, never, for once and for all, judgmental words, critical words, patronising language, posturing language. N.B. beware of cultural differences in body-language or emphases that appear 'Parental'.
Child
Physical - emotionally sad expressions, despair, temper tantrums, whining voice, rolling eyes, shrugging shoulders, teasing, delight, laughter, speaking behind hand, raising hand to speak, squirming and giggling. Verbal - baby talk, I wish, I dunno, I want, Im gonna, I dont care, oh no, not again, things never go right for me, worst day of my life, bigger, biggest, best, many superlatives, words to impress.
Adult
Physical - attentive, interested, straight-forward, tilted head, non-threatening and nonthreatened. Verbal - why, what, how, who, where and when, how much, in what way, comparative expressions, reasoned statements, true, false, probably, possibly, I think, I realise, I see, I believe, in my opinion.
Crossed Transactions: If a crossed transaction occurs, there is an ineffective communication. Worse still either or both parties will be upset. In order for the relationship to continue smoothly the agent or the respondent must rescue the situation with a complementary transaction.
In serious break-downs, there is no chance of immediately resuming a discussion about the original subject matter. Attention is focused on the relationship. The discussion can only continue constructively when and if the relationship is mended. Eg Man to wife: Have you seen my tie? W Do I have to remember everything for you? Two Course participants: CP1- It will be interesting to see what this course is about CP2 I think it is completely ludicrous. As if they can teach me anything about relating to customers Ulterior Transactions: These occur when there is a social (acceptable) & ulterior (hidden) transaction. The real meaning of the communication will be at the ulterior level and the meaning would be communicated in a non-verbal manner Eg, Spoken: Manger to subordinate who is late : What is the time (Hidden message: You are late) Spoken reply : Its five minutes to four (Hidden reply: I dont care)
INQUIRING
Ask Open-ended Questions Ask Specific Close-ended Questions Reconfirm Data/Facts Clarify Others / Customer's doubts Clarify own doubts
TRANSPARENT
Answer Honestly Create an Open & Safe Environment Genuinely Feel the Need to Help Others / Customer Do Not Mislead Others / Customer Own Up to Mistakes Made by self / company
ASSERTIVE
Reassure the Other Person / Customer Show Enthusiasm Display Courage of own Convictions Do Not Argue with the Other / Customer Genuinely Want the Other / Customer to Succeed
RESPONSIBLE
Remain Focused on the issue/s at hand Remain Calm and Positive Do Not Make Excuses, Offer Solutions Take Responsibility for Actions to be taken; Reinforce the Core Values you believe in.
ARTICULATE
Guide the Decision, rather than demand compliance Tell the Other / Customer WHAT you can do, instead of what you cannot do. Explain with Detail, so that understanding is complete and mutual Tie loose ends together, so that all issues addressed are identified for action. Check for understanding, so that the path ahead can be agreed upon.
WRITTEN COMMUNICATION
The Power Of Words
2. Completeness
3. Conciseness
a. Comprehensive treatment for clear persuasive writing b. All points and explanations should be sufficiently detailed so no misconceptions follow c. Consider whether the reader is informed or uninformed a. Use as few words as possible b. Remove insignificant facts / unnecessary points c. Use definite than abstract words, e.g. use 60% instead of more than half d. Use of active voice uses less words a. Be consistent in form and style b. Form includes margins, indentation, degree of subject headings, listing, tables, numbering of pages, abbreviations, capitals, charts ( Chart A is always referred to as Chart A not as a or 1 ) c. Each section must be consistent with other parts of the document d. Avoid contradictions a. Careful selection of words, conform to rules of grammar, spellings and punctuation.
4. Consistency
5. Correctness
Please send a letter to that effect to the Client. I should be able to complete work on our annual report within a week of returning. I will be in London by Wednesday at noon GMT. Everything is quite in order for the next project to commence as scheduled. Let me know if thats okay. The Board of Directors have made it clear they dont want to debate any more on that subject.
EXERCISE : Write a memo to your boss asking for more funds / resources to
implement a new initiative already budgeted and approved earlier.
Valmar International with RSS Mani & Associates, Mumbai
WORD ECONOMY
Read the expressions below, reduce redundancy and rewrite them.
S. No
1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19
Expressions We Use
Absolutely complete Basic fundamentals Refer back Actual truth End result Final outcome Midway between Close proximity Provide with the information Cooperate together Completely full Take under consideration Other alternative Past experience True facts Mutually agree Completely finished Recurring Habit Future Plans
Rewrite redundancies
without
SUBSTITUTE WITH
SUBSTITUTE WITH
Restraint Detail
UP-TO-DATE WORDS
today, tomorrow (or a specific time)
S. No 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10
Verbal
e.g. Basically
Written
However
LEARN TO DIFFERENTIATE
Affect All right All together All ready Among To influence ( Two words ) Completely correct or acceptable Assembled into one group (Two words) Everything is in order Used with three or more persons or things Used with reference to money or things that cant be counted Used if any is important and is to be emphasized Strictly speaking, the difference between debits and credits To complete, is fitting, or add a finishing touch Continuing, but stopand-go activity Capable of being true or believable Effect Alright Altogether Already Between To cause or bring about Colloquialism not generally accepted today Completely or entirely Previously or prior to a specified time Used to differentiate between two people or things Refers to items that can be counted; a specific amount Used to refer to a specific person , place or thing Something left over in any situation To flatter or offer words of praise Constant activity with no letup Performance worthy of credit or special mention When three or more persons are involved Expected to happen soon To receive what may be offered or to assent To indicate extent or degree To hint or suggest
Amount Anyone Balance Complement Continual Credible Each Other Eminent Except Farther Infer
When only two persons One another are involved Famous or noteworthy Imminent To exclude from group or single out a Accept
THE WINNING EDGE Latest Less Lie Party Practical Precede Principal Raise Refers to the last condition that is still in effect Mainly refers to things which are hard to count Usually, to rest and does not take an object Group of people Useful or pragmatic To go before Last Fewer Lay Person Practicable Proceed Refers to final things after all others Generally refers to people or things that can be counted To put or place and usually takes an object Refers to an individual What has been proposed but has not yet been tested To go ahead or move forward Rule or underlying tenet. Takes on the more subjunctive sense of to go up or come up Paper used for writing Adjective meaning truly, actual or fundamental ( use with nouns ) Conjunction indicating an exception to the stated condition
Main or primary Principle participant To lift or cause Rise something to move up Situated in one place Stationery or without movement Adverb meaning to a Real high degree Preposition used to Unless indicate the absence of something or someone
Stationary Very
Without
UP-TO-DATE WORDS
today, tomorrow (or a specific time) (permission in not necessary, just say what you wish) we have received (omit) (omit) I; me please let us know (just say it) enclosed is I have just learned : Ms Gandhi just told me Mr. Raman, our branch manager (omit)
SUBSTITUTE WITH
Referred to above We find Inform Allows ( Omit ) We look forward to your reply As we have written on our letter of According to ( Avoid, as the reader knows nothing is meant by this ) Always As soon as possible (or give a deadline) Now Please reply as soon as possible We wait for your reply Can Please act promptly in this matter (Omit herewith) Thank you for your letter dated If Meanwhile As requested by you Soon, immediately (or give a deadline) As ( Omit ) ( Omit or just say Please ) Please reply Your letter dated We thank you for your letter of We cannot Please Concerning, about You Drop the word valued
Fundamentals Of The English Language Outline: 1.1 Style 1.2 Vocabulary 1.3 Grammar 1.4 Spelling 1.5 Punctuation 1.6 Layout Learning Objectives: After studying this chapter you will: Get to know appropriate styles of writing Learn to choose appropriate words Understand the basics of grammar Learn how not to misspell Learn about punctuation Understand the importance of formatting You want your writing to work: whether its a memo, an e-mail, a letter, or a report. You want the Reader of your message to: Understand your message and To act upon that message From that perspective: style, vocabulary, grammar, spelling, punctuation and layout may seem unimportant. However communication connects humans. And your writing can have a significant influence on your reader. 1.1 Style In most business settings, you should use an informal style. Use vocabulary that you would use if you were conversing with your reader. But you should pay more attention to sentence structure than when youre speaking with someone. Remember that our writing gets less effective when we try to impress the reader. That brings us, quite naturally, to the question of the Readers skill level. Make your writing comfortable to read but not boring or simplistic. If in doubt, select the lowest level you think your reader would understand and write at that level. Sure, your readers are more literate than that, but they may not totally focus on your words. It is always better to be as concrete as possible; abstractions tend to make writing less effective - particularly if youre writing to persuade. A good way to anchor your writing concretely is by providing examples. After explaining the details of a new insurance plan, for example, you might want to explain how it would affect the average worker, using typical figures to illustrate. Your writing will be more effective if you are as specific as is possible. You then reduce the possibility of ambiguity. Why use the word communication to refer to a memo? In most situations, its just more effective when we use specific words rather than general.
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1.2 Vocabulary The words we use when we write are a question of choice. But sometimes those choices may be simply wrong for the context. The following list covers a variety of words that people commonly misuse. This is just a general list; you should add any words that you tend to use incorrectly. accept, exceptaccept means to receive; except means to omit affect, effectaffect is a verb meaning to influence; effect is usually a noun, but it can also be a verb meaning to bring about all ready, alreadyall ready means that everyone is ready, already means previously among, betweenuse between with two persons or things, use among with more than two assure, ensure, insureassure means to give confidence, ensure means to make certain, insure means to indemnify or safeguard cite, site, sightcite means to mention, site is a location, sight is a sense complement, complimenta complement completes, a compliment is an expression of praise continual, continuouscontinual means repeated often, continuous means without interruption credible, creditablecredible means believable, creditable means deserving esteem eminent, imminenteminent means distinguished in a profession, imminent means threateningly near at hand fewer, lessuse fewer for countable objects and less for measurable quantities imply, inferwhen somebody puts something into the words to suggest, thats imply; when somebody gets something out of the words, to conclude, thats infer its, itsits is a contraction for it is, its is the possessive form of the pronoun it principle, principalprinciple means law or truth, principal means main (adjective) or leader (noun) there, their, theyrethere is an adverb indicating location, their is the possessive form of the pronoun they, theyre is a contraction for they are whose, whoswhose is a possessive form of the pronoun who, whos is a contraction of who is your, youreyour is the possessive form of the pronoun you, youre is the contraction for you are The list could go on. Keep the list handy. Add your personal favourites to it. You can tame those wild words and use them more properly to make your writing more effective.
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The list could go on. The main point to keep in mind is that language is a tool. A person may use a spanner to hammer a nail. The wrong tool may work well enough. But people may misjudge and misunderstand. You can use the wrong words or use words incorrectly and still communicate well. But, you should never be content with just whatever works. Finally, a warning about using jargon. Jargon is defined as buzzwords used in a particular field or sphere of activity. Bankers will understand financial terminology. Software programmers will understand technical terms used in programming languages. But readers from other disciplines or fields may not appreciate the jargon. When you must use a specific technical term, make sure you define or explain it. 1.3 Grammar When many of us hear the word grammar we cringe and think about conjugating irregular verbs in front of the class. To others, grammar connotes those picky points we dont need to worry about. But the use of correct grammar can make or break you professionally. Colleagues and Customers expect you to use language correctly and not to make errors that educated people avoid. Many people in business recognise the importance of dressing for success. But there are many managers who dont realise that it can be even more important to write for success. Be as careful with your words as you might be in choosing your clothes. Think about where your words are going, they represent you. This section on Grammar is not exhaustive but selective. If you learn some key aspects, it will help you to improve your grammar and write more effectively.
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Does it really matter? Probably and maybe a lot. Suppose you send out a letter in which you write, Ive spoke to Asha, so she brung her secretary, or the session could have ran for hours. The Reader of your letter understands you, of course, but your misuse of verbs is likely to make a bad impression. It suggests that you lack education and your communication skills are poor. That judgement is probably unfair, but its a natural reaction in many circles. So take care of your verbs! Who vs. whom. Use whom when the word serves as an object and who when it serves as a subject.
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1.6 Layout We will now make a few recommendations for typography. Word processing and desktop publishing programs have made it relatively easy to embellish our words with dozens of features. The only thing that these programs dont provide is good taste. We cant provide taste in this courseware, either. But we offer the following layout suggestions: Use a font size thats easy to read without being annoying. Depending on your font type, an appropriate size would be 10, 11, or 12 points. We often use 12.5 for written/print texts. Use serif type (S) for body copy and sans serif (S) for type for headlines. Research shows that all those serifsthe small finish strokes on each letter make bodies of text easier to read. Courier and Times are serif types. Arial and Futura are sans serif types. Use italics sparingly. It takes us 20% longer to read italic type than to read regular type. That also means that it takes more effort from the reader, so if you use italics extensively, youre likely to lose some and annoy others. Use boldface sparingly. Bold is easier to read than italics, but it can quickly become overwhelming if abused. Avoid using ALL CAPS, except for occasional emphasis and in report titles and main headings. Its a violation of established etiquette to use them in e-mail messages, WHERE ALL CAPS ARE THE EQUIVALENT OF SHOUTING AT YOUR READERS. Avoid underlining, except for occasional emphasis. Word processing programs have made it so easy to use italics and bold that we can leave underling behind. Use heads and subheads to show your organisation. Make them informative and interesting. You dont need to know a lot about layout and typography to write more effectively. If you apply just these basic guidelines, you can make your texts easier to read and more interesting - without the risk of offending your readers.
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People scan their inbox by subject. Make your subject rich enough that your readers can decide whether it's relevant. The best way to do this is to summarize your message in your subject. BAD SUBJECT: GOOD SUBJECT:
Too many messages forwarded to you start with an answer"Yes! I agree. Apples are definitely the answer"without offering context. We must read seven included messages, notice that we were copied, and try to figure out what apples are the answer to. Even worse, we don't really know if we should care. Oops! We just noticed there are ten messages about apples. One of the others says "Apples are definitely not the answer." And another says, "Didn't you get my message about apples?" But which message was sent first? And which was in response to which? ARGH! It's very, very difficult to get to the core of the issue.
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When you copy lots of people (a heinous practice that should be used sparingly), mark out why each person should care.
Just because you send a message to six poor coworkers doesn't mean all six know what to do when they get it. Ask yourself why you're sending to each recipient, and let them know at the start of the message what they should do with it. Big surprise, this also forces you to consider why you're including each person. BAD CC:
To: Anita Patel, Smita Bakshi, Manish Khanna Subject: Web site design draft is done The Web site draft is done. Check it out in the attached file. The design firm will need our responses by the end of the week.
GOOD CC:
To: Anita Patel, Smita Bakshi, Manish Khanna Subject: Web site design draft is done AP: DECISION NEEDED. Get marketing to approve the draft SB: PLEASE VERIFY. Does the slogan capture our branding? MK: FYI, if we need a redesign, your project will slip. The Web site draft is done. Check it out in the attached file. The design firm will need our responses by the end of the week.
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If you bcc someone "just to be safe," think again. Ask yourself what you want the "copied" person to know, and send a separate message if needed.Yes, it's more work for you, but if we all do it, it's less overload. BAD BCC: To: Manish Bcc: Anil Please attend the conference today at 2:00 p.m. GOOD BCC: To: Manish Please attend the conference today at 2:00 p.m. To: Anil Please reserve the conference room for me and Manish today at 2:00 p.m.
If you want things to get done, say so. Clearly. There's nothing more frustrating as a reader than getting copied on an e-mail and finding out three weeks later that someone expected you to pick up the project and run with it. Summarize action items at the end of a message so everyone can read them at one glance.
If someone sends a message addressing a dozen topics, some of which you can respond to now and some of which you can't, send a dozen responsesone for each topic. That way, each thread can proceed unencumbered by the others. Do this when mixing controversy with mundania. That way, the mundane topics can be taken care of quietly, while the flame wars can happen separately. BAD MIXING OF ITEMS: We need to gather all the articles by February 1st. GOOD MIXING OF ITEMS: Message #1: We need to gather all the articles by February 1st.
Speaking of which, I was thinking Message #2: Satishs missed a lot of deadlines do you think we should fire Satish ? recently. Do you think termination is in order?
Sometimes the problem is the oppositesending 500 tiny messages a day will overload someone, even if the intent is to reduce this by creating separate threads. If you are holding a dozen open conversations with one person, the slowness of typing is probably substantial overhead. Jot down all your main points on a piece of (gasp) paper, pick up the phone, and call the person to discuss those points. I guarantee you'll save a ton of time.
For goodness sake, if someone sends you a message, don't forward it along without editing it. Make it appropriate for the ultimate recipient and make sure it doesn't get the original sender in trouble.
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BAD FORWARDING: To: Bharat Smitas idea, described below, is great. --From: Smita Hey, Altaf: Lets take the new design and add sparkles around the border. Bharat probably wont mind; his design sense is so garish hell approve anything.
GOOD FORWARDING: To: Bharat Smitas idea, described below, is great. --From: Sue Hey, Altaf: Lets take the new design and add sparkles around the border
When scheduling a call or conference, include the topic in the invitation. It helps people prioritize and manage their calendar more effectively. GOOD E-MAIL: Subject: Conference call Wednesday at 3:00 p.m. to review demo presentation.
Make sure the meat of your e-mail is visible in the preview pane of your recipient's mailer. That means the first two paragraphs should have the meat. Many people never read past the first screen, and very few read past the third.
Understand how people prefer to be reached, and how quickly they respond.
Some people are so buried under e-mail that they can't reply quickly. If something is important, use the phone or make a follow-up phone call. Do it politely; a delay may not be personal. It might be that someone's overloaded. If you have timesensitive information, don't assume people have read the e-mail you sent three hours ago rescheduling the meeting that takes place in five minutes. Pick up the phone and call.
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We hate telemarketers during dinner, so why do we tolerate e-mail when we're trying to get something useful done? Turn off your e-mail "autocheck" and only check e-mail two or three times a day, by hand. Let people know that if they need to reach you instantly, e-mail isn't the way. When it's e-mail processing time, however, shut the office door, turn off the phone, and blast through the messages.
Use a paper "response list" to triage messages before you do any followup.
The solution to e-mail overload is pencil and paper? Who knew? Grab a legal pad and label it "Response list." Run through your incoming e-mails. For each, note on the paper what you have to do or whom you have to call. Resist the temptation to respond immediately. If there's important reference information in the e-mail, drag it to your Reference folder. Otherwise, delete it. Zip down your entire list of emails to generate your response list. Then, zip down your response list and actually do the follow-up.
One CEO I've worked with charges staff members five dollars from their budget for each e-mail she receives. Amazingly, her overload has gone down, the relevance of e-mails has gone up, and the senders are happy, too, because the added thought often results in them solving more problems on their own.
If you are constantly copied on things, begin replying to e-mails that aren't relevant with the single word: "Relevant?" Of course, you explain that this is a favor to them. Now, they can learn what is and isn't relevant to you. Beforehand, tell them the goal is to calibrate relevance, not to criticize or put them down and encourage them to send you relevancy challenges as well. Pretty soon, you'll be so well trained you'll be positively productive!
Answer briefly.
When someone sends you a ten page missive, reply with three words. "Yup, great idea." You'll quickly train people not to expect huge answers from you, and you can then proceed to answer at your leisure in whatever format works best for you. If your e-mail volume starts getting very high, you'll have no choice.
Type your response directly, but schedule it to be sent out in a few days. This works great for conversations that are nice but not terribly urgent. By inserting a delay in each go-around, you both get to breath easier.
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Ignore it.
Yes, ignore e-mail. If something's important, you'll hear about it again. Trust me. And people will gradually be trained to pick up the phone or drop by if they have something to say. After all, if it's not important enough for them to tear their gaze away from the hypnotic world of Microsoft Windows, it's certainly not important enough for you to take the time to read.
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