Shyness

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Table of Contents

 Introduction ................................................................................................................................................... 3  Types of Shyness ......................................................................................................................................... 3  Causes of Shyness ................................................................................................................ 5  Effects of Shyness................................................................................................................. 7  Ways to overcome Shyness ............................................................................................. 10  Conclusion  Bibliography 13 14

INTRODUCTION  Introduction of Shyness: All of us possess a cluster of character traits. We are proud of some. We admit to some. We hate some. Finally, there are some, we would like to change.Shyness is one among the first. The reason is very simple. As a shy person, you miss so much. Better opportunities at work, more fulfilling relationships and a great interactive and warm world. Unfortunately, by being shy, you close so many chances in front of you.Shyness affects people of all ages. A kindergarten is frightening for manychildren; some students are anxious about the first day of school until theygraduate from college. Job interviews are stressful for people uncomfortable talking about themselves. For some people, feelings of self-worth are related totheir careers. Retirement may bring feelings of lower self-esteem.Shyness is linked to brain activity, how a person was raised and other experiences, and the person's reaction to those experiences.  Definition: Shyness may be defined experientially as discomfort or inhibition in interpersonal situations that interferes with pursuing one's interpersonal or professional goals.It is a form of excessive self-focus, a preoccupation with one's thoughts, feelings and physical reactions. It may vary from mild social awkwardness to total yinhibiting social phobia. Shyness may be chronic and dispositional, serving as a personality trait that is central in one's self definition. Situational shyness involves experiencing the symptoms of shyness in specific social performance situations but not incorporating it into one's self-concept.

Types of shyness Millions of people report difficulties with social situations. Within these millions, there are vast differences. This matrix provides a view of some of the different facets of shyness. Let us begin by considering the two dimensions of shyness.  Two dimensions: There are two dimensions to consider in sizing up your shyness. Each of these dimensions can be considered in terms of a question.

y In how many situations do I find myself having difficulty? y How much distress do I experience in these situations? The first dimension deals with the number of situations that you find difficult. Some people have difficulty with just a few social settings. Others are troubled by a multitude of situations. The second dimension focuses on the intensity of stress and emotional discomfort you experience when your shyness is acting up. Different situations evoke different levels of discomfort. Think of intensity of discomfort as ranging along a ten-point continuum. A 9 or 10 on this scale would indicate a high level of distress. A 3 or 4 would indicate only mild distress.  Situational shyness: You are situationally shy if you have difficulty in just a handful of social events. Charles, for instance, has a problem with family reunions. In other social situations at work or among his own friends, he has no difficulty at all. Charles' shyness is situational. Charles' situational shyness could be either mild or severe depending on the intensity of the stress he experiences in the situation. Certain life events are common causes of situational shyness. For instance, do not be surprised if your outgoing nature changes to feelings of uneasiness and selfconsciousness following any ofthese live events: relocation to a new community; divorce or separation; promotion at work.  Chronic shyness: Charles and his sister, Stephanie, are very different. For Stephanie, a family gathering is the only place where she feels comfortable. She finds almost every other social experience to be at least a minor challenge. Stephanie's experience of shyness would place her in the chronic side of the matrix. Whether her shyness should be called mild or severe depends again on the intensity of distress and emotional and behavioral impairment she experiences.  Social anxiety disorder: There is a special case of social anxiety that needs to be discussed. Some individuals find themselves regularly experiencing intense distress in a wide range of social situations. This combination of intense distress and the frequency

occurrence is an indication of a possible clinical diagnosis called social anxiety disorder. In her book, Painfully Shy, Barbara Markway lists four criteria that must be met for a clinical diagnosis of social anxiety disorder. Show significant and persistent fear of social situations in which embarrassment or rejection CAUSES OF SHYNESS

The causes of shyness are many and varied. We have to know the causes of shyness in order to find the right way to cure it.  Poor self-esteem: Self-esteem is the most important determinant of peak performance. People whohave a poor self-esteem may not feel confident enough to face other people.Self-esteem is the understanding and appreciation that you have values and virtues that make you unique and special. A good self-image would mean thatyou could look at yourself, see both the good and not very good sides of yourself, and accept them both as integral pieces to who you are. When you are unable to accept yourself and like yourself, it makes sense that you would assume others would not like you as well.  Poor self-confidence: Self-confidence can be build by practice. Lack of practice will make us be a shyperson and not confidence in everything we have done. Even the deejay had practice on what to talk when they ore on air. Practice will make us perfect and can reduce the level of shyness.  Non-assertive or pessimistic: Non-assertive is when you allow others to violate your rights by regarding theirneeds, opinions and rights as more important than your own. This shows a lack of respect for your own needs and can lead to feelings of hurt, anxiety andanger. People who not stand and fight for their right because of shyness is the looser.

 Inherited by parents traits: Parents traits affect more on their children life. If parent are shy, not really socialize with other, pessimistic, lack of self-confidence and many more from negative behaviour, these traits will automatically pass to their children. Therefore, parents have to show a good behaviour in front of the children to avoid them to be shy.  The odd behaviour among relatives: Parents or relatives that act oddly in public or in front of our friends will make weshy to face other thus will lead to be a shy person. For example if my parent were arrested because of drugs, of course i will be a very shy person because of my parent behaviour. That situation really makes me down and cannot face the public.  Family without affection: The members will not convey their loving or affectionate feelings to each other in a few families. This can lead to a child feeling uncomfortable expressing loving emotions and is one of the leading causes of shyness.  Criticism among relatives: A few families are very critical in nature. Too much criticism at an early age can lead to a feeling of inadequacy, which can cause shyness. For example when families always complain about their child performance in studying compare to other people performance, this will make the child feel uncomfortable. Therefore, it would lead shyness.  Fear of trying out new thing: Be it a new job, a new state of affairs, unfamiliar persons, or a new locality. Similar to most behavioural patterns, shyness has its roots in a shy person sinfancy, at about the time when the kid is exposed to new people, unknown relatives or friends. It is at this time when a kid learns to communicate with strangers. Some kids take a liking to new faces and in fact show interest, while others just retract and build up shyness.  The fear of being judged negatively: This perhaps ranks the highest among the fears felt by shy people. Is it not often that you find yourself thinking, oh my god, why did I say such a stupid thing? They will definitely laugh at me, or may be why did I tell him about my mistakes? He must be thinking what a stupid person I am!

 Traumatic incident: An outgoing person who is criticized or treated poorly at home may no longer be able to be outgoing. Traumatic events that cause shyness need to be dealt within conjunction with working on the shyness because the event will continue to torment unless resolved and laid to rest.  Fear of people: For shy people, meeting someone new can be harrowing only because they are scared about how they are perceived. A new person can be: y Strangers encountered at the office or at societal location y Members of the opposite sex y Authorities in the place of work or in the educational institution. This happen because shy people often have a negative self-image.  Fear of situation: The level of shyness usually rises with formal situations. This is because a certain code of conduct or decorum has to be obeyed at formal occasions. Shy people worry about saying or doing the wrong thing. As a result, they end up acting clumsily.  Over protective parents: Children who are over protected by their parents often do not have the opportunity to be independent socially. Because of this, these children often lack the confidence needed to make decisions for them. Such children are often insecure, which can then cause shyness. EFFECTS OF SHYNESS The effects of shyness are diverse and range from very serious to easy to miss effects. The effects of shyness are felt through various parts of your life, and you may not expect that shyness would be so far-reaching.  Decrease your ability to make new friends: Shyness may keep you from talking to new people. You may not realize what these people have to offer your life and your personality because you cannot work up the courage to even speak with them. Your shyness may appear to be a desire to be left alone, and may keep others from approaching you. The people you cannot talk to because of your shyness may have important keys to creating a happier fuller life.

 Decreases your ability to enjoy social situations and hobbies: Many recreational activities involve large crowds or groups. There are recreational hobbies that involve partner or group work. Do you find you stay away from these fun activities because the crowds or the chance you may have to speak in front of people scare you too much? The effects of shyness can rob you of valuable recreational time that would relax you and add fun to your life.  Can diminish your performance at work: If you could control your shyness, you may have the potential to overcome the effects of shyness and become a great leader. You may be a top salesperson. You may be an effective teacher or trainer. When you learn to harness your shyness and overcome your social anxiety, you will be better able to explore your professional opportunities and grow into a career that is more satisfying.  May cause anxiety and stress that is detrimental to your health and immune system: When you are vulnerable to intense stress due to your shyness, you set your system up for all of the negative effects of stress. The effects of shyness can result in high blood pressure decreased immune function, and hypertension a few symptoms of stress that might be induced by your shyness.  Lack of assertiveness: Shy people fail to stick up for themselves, both in the workplace as well as impersonal matters. Hence, they are often exploited by peers. They cannot fit with their opinion but only follow others.  Bad academic performances: Shyness makes a child fail to ask for help from their teachers, even when they need to clear their doubts on the subject being taught. This leads to poor grades and overall poor performance in school. The long-term effect may be hindrance in advancing in career.  Will have problem to have an effective communication: By avoiding social situations, make shy people grow up into adults lacking effective communication skills. They often dont learn effective communication. They do not possess the power of expressing their emotions. They fail to relate to others. They do not confidence to talk to everybody. Thus, it will lead to poor communication. Because they lack communication skills, shy people often have difficulty relating to other people.

 Difficulty expressing emotions: Shy people have often not learned how to adequately express themselves.Because of this; shy people often bottle up their emotions and not have the strength to tell other about their feelings.  Difficult to maintain close personal relationship: Shyness can cause difficulty making and maintaining close personal relationships. Shy people lack the social skills necessary for making friends.Moreover, they are often fearful of social situations, and hence avoid them. As aresult, they become lonely.  Negative feeling and depression: By being a shyness person, your mind will full of negative feeling. You will judge other without asking them. You are shy to ask them the truth. So, you keep guest the solution and answer by your own. This situation will make you instress.  Lead to passive communication: Passive people are usually unhappy. They will not fight for their right. They are less expressive and verbal. The less they have to speak, the better they like it.They do not want to make mistake in front of others. So it is good for them by saying it is a good manner for passivity. Even a simple conversation creates quite a problem for them. They are so busy wondering what the other person is thinking of them, that they fail to concentrate on the conversation itself.  Bad self image: Shy people have a bad self-image. They do not accept their self and not appreciate what they have had. Everybody have their own unique personality, but because of shyness, they feel unworthy.  Do not have partner: Every person need partner. Man needs woman, as well as woman. However, because of shyness to opposite sex, they are not able to have partner. They will think that they are not attractive, unwanted, undesirable, and many other negative thought.  Will be a shy student: In term of education, shyness is the most things that must be avoided by every student. By being a shy, they will not be able to ask what they do not understand during class session. They will miss out a lot of opportunity such as to get more

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mark by being the class representative. As a Muslim, we have to bear in mind that we are not supposed to be a shy in education.  Health risk: Shyness is a greater health risk. This is due to a lack of emotional support, usually found in good friends and family. The inability to discuss health problems with ones doctor also presents a possible risk. Doctors cannot help if they do not know the problems.

 Difficult to get job: Shy person will have difficulties to get job. This is because they cannot perform well during interview session. The company that offer job and seeking the new employee will not only see the education level of the candidates. They also need a good employee in term of communication, personality, good self-image, high selfesteem and so on. For shy person, even they have had a flying colours and excellent result but not have the ability to attract the interviewer because of shyness, they will not hire by the company.

THE WAYS TO OVERCOME SHYNESS Shyness cannot be eliminated quickly. It takes time for a shy individual to overcome this personality trait. Shyness can be cure by many ways.  Understand your shyness: Seek to understand your unique brand of shyness and how that manifests in your life. Understand what situation triggers this feeling? In addition, what are you concerned with at that point?  Find your strength: We all have unique qualities and different ways of expressing ourselves. It is important to know and fully accept the things we do well, even if they differ from the norm. If everyone were the same, the world would be a boring place. Find something you are good at and focus on doing it. An identifiablestrength will boost your natural self-esteem and your ego, helping you betteridentify with yourself. It is a short-term fix, but will give you the confidence you need to break your selfimposed barrier of fear. See how your unique strength gives you an advantage.

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 Learn to like yourself : Practice appreciating yourself and liking the unique expression that is you. Write a love letter to yourself, do things you enjoy, give gratitude for your body andits effortless functions, spend quality time getting to know yourself, go on a self-date.  Reward yourself for your social accomplishments: For every accomplishment even how simple your accomplishment is, such as being able to talk to an authority figure, give yourself a reward. It will help you boost your self-confidence. Speaking of self-confidence, feel good inside by looking good outside. Looking good can surely increase your self-esteem.  Focus on Other People: Rather than focusing on your awkwardness in social situations, focus on other people and what they have to say. Become interested in learning about others, and probe them to talk about themselves. You can try pondering the question while interacting: What is it about this person that I like?  Affirmation: Words can carry incredible energy. What we repeatedly tell ourselves gets heard by our unconscious mind, and it acts accordingly. If we repeatedly tell ourselves that we are incapable, and too shy to do anything, we will become increasingly aware of evidence to back up this fact, and our actions will always match what we tell ourselves. Similarly, if we repeatedly tell ourselves that we are capable, confident, and wonderful human beings, our unconscious mind will likely surface the awareness that gives evidence to this new fact. While, we cannot lie to ourselves, positive visualization and affirmation are helpful in placing us along the road of positive thought patterns.  Stop labelling yourself : Stop labelling yourself as a shy person. Keep in your mind that you are a good person with a good personality. You are unique.  Figure out what make you shy: Everyone have different reason why they are shy. By seeking and searching the reason, why you are shy can help you to find the way to cure it. For example if you are shy to talk in front of others, you have to practice a lot.  Build your self confidence: Everyone has some special gift or trait to offer to the world. Think about what you know, what you can do, and what you have accomplished, rather than thinking

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on how you look, sound, or dress. Keep in mind that everyone, even the "beautiful people", has something about themselves or their life that they do not like.  Do not compare yourself to others: By comparing yourself to others will make your level of shyness increase. The more you compare yourself to others, you will feel that you are not able to measure up and the more intimidated you will feel which will make you shyer.  Accept Rejection: Accept the possibility that we can be rejected and learning not to take it personally. Remember, you are not alone and we all experience rejections. It is a part of life and part of the learning process.  Visualization: Visualizing yourself in the situation as a confident and happy person helps you to shape your perception of yourself when you are actually in the situation.Visualization are as same as acting yourself at the certain situation. By doing this act often with different situation will help you to decrease the level of shyness.  Not conforming: Try to fit in as if everyone else is exhausting. Understand that it is okay to be different. Accept that you may not be perceived as the most popular social butterfly and you may not want to be either. At the end of the day, being popular will not make you happy. Accepting your unique qualities can set youfree.  Turning Self Consciousness into Self Awareness: Recognize that the world is not looking at you. Besides, most people are too busy looking at them. Instead of watching yourself as if you are other people, bring your awareness inwards. Armed with your understanding of what makes you shy, seek within yourself and become the observing presence of your thoughts. Selfawareness is the first step towards any change or life improvement.  Get comfortable: Surround yourself with people who bring out the best in you, and build up your confidence through them. Eventually, this will translate to other situations being more comfortable.

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CONCLUSION

The shyness, which has ruined your life up to now, is not an invisible enemy. It is not even as powerful a force as you thought. Remember that shyness is an emotion, not a permanent personality trait. You have the power to change your feelings of shyness and act in a bolder manner. There is nothing wrong with being shy, but there is nothing wrong with being outgoing either.Our mind is flexible. Everything we do is based on our mind and of course, we can control it. Overcoming shyness is the way to happiness and acceptance, harmony and success.

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Bibliography

 AlangHazirah, Wan. All about shyness. 22 Apr. 2011. <http://www.scribd.com/doc/50017021/all-about-shyness>  Shyness. 23 Apr. 2011. <http://www.scribd.com/doc/2345788/Shyness>  Haji, Muhammad. Haya(shyness). 23 Apr. 2011. <http://www.scribd.com/doc/31392511/Haya-shyness>