The Sin of Familiarity

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The Sin Of Familiarity

Cindye Coates
Have you ever tried to cultivate an intimate relationship with a fellow believer only to be heart broken by betrayal? If so, you are not alone. Sadly many are experiencing the same pain through out the Body of Christ. Recently, the Lord has sent angels, dreams and messengers to voice the urgency of this to us personally Hopefully you will gain a better understanding also on the sin of familiarity. The sin of familiarity or "familiar spirit" is very destructive and has recently surfaced in friendships, marriages and prophetic ministries. Some have even mistaken it for a "Jezebel spirit." Although it is destructive like a Jezebel spirit, it is much more subtle. It doesnt necessarily seduce, however, seduction can be a manifestation. It usually is hidden beneath pseudo friendliness and loyalty. In other words you just dont see it coming! It takes the Holy Spirit to reveal it to you. This familiar spirit effected Jesus prophetic ministry in a negative way among many others throughout scripture. Its very important to identify root issues, deal with them and establish healthy boundaries in all areas of life. Lets go to the Word to find some examples so that we can avoid these pitfalls and hopefully build kingdom relationships that will actually facilitate prophetic ministry in all dimensions. Jesus Encounters a Spirit of Familiarity Mark 6:1-6 Vs. 3 Is not this the carpenter, the son of Mary, the brother of James, and Joses, and of Juda and Simon? And are not his sisters with us? And they were offended at Him. Vs. 4 And Jesus said to them, "A prophet is not with out honor except in his own country, among his own relatives and in his own house." Vs. 5 And He could do not many mighty works there except He laid His hands on a few sick people and healed them. Vs. 6 And He marveled at their unbelief. Then He went about the villages in a circuit teaching. First lets look closely at the meaning in vs.3. "Is not this the carpenter?" In Israel, carpentry was a humble trade. It was not as it is today where many homes are made of wood. In Nazareth homes were made of stone and mud. Jesus probably had some crude tools and made tables, chairs, doors, and plows. These people were dishonoring His vocation, as it was not that of an educated man. Secondly, they called Him "the son of Mary" as opposed to the son of Joseph. They were ignoring His genealogy as a "Son of David" and a "Son of Abraham" as Joseph was of this lineage. Saying that He was the son of Mary could have also meant that they were insinuating He was illegitimate. These comments were degrading, condescending and malicious which is

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The Sin of Familiarity

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always a "heads up" on a familiar spirit. Finally, the Nazarites aligned Jesus with His natural siblings. This is not a new tactic of the enemy toward the prophetic gifts. I have seen many families become a "clan" and everyone pegs them as "the Jones Bunch" etc. Labels and stereotypes are very dangerous. It is not fair to classify people and assume that just because they belong to a certain family, they are exactly identical to all the rest. There is so much in this passage of scripture as it relates to familiarity and how it evolves into offenses. (Remember there is no grace provided for offense.) Familiarity can hinder healing and miracles in your church, among your relatives and even in your home as it fosters unbelief. Jesus marveled at their unbelief because they had personally witnessed Jesus in action. Notice this lack of respect limits the ministry of the prophet much like the "spirit of Jezebel." We must honor the gifts of God and be mature enough to separate the gift from the person-ality. Paul Encounters the Sin of Familiarity Acts 26:24 And as he thus spake for himself, Festus said with a loud voice, "Paul, thou art beside thyself; much leaning doth make thee mad." Here Paul is witnessing to Felix, the governor and King Agrippa; but Felix gave voice to a familiar spirit. When Paul left Jerusalem, he did not return. Felix was pierced by the words of Paul and was offended. He belittled Paul by reducing him to an eccentric intellectual. When in fact Paul had forsaken all carnal knowledge to know Christ and Him crucified. He was truly an apostle of grace. Paul abides now within the great cloud of witnesses. I shutter to think of where Felix and Agrippa are now as they were hindered by a familiar spirit from receiving the Gospel from Paul. If we could only be made aware of the contagious comments that we make toward leaders in the Church. Although we personally might not receive them, there is always someone else who can only receive from them at a given place and time. When we see error in prophetic ministry, we should hear a trumpet announcing that its time to fast and pray, not sow discord. You who are spiritual should restore such a one in the spirit of meekness lest you also be tempted. (Gr.# 46240 skandalizo [scandalize] to trip up, cause to stumble, entice to stray) Familiarity Breeds Contempt In 42 BC, Publius Syrus was the first to say, "familiarity breeds contempt." He was a wise philosopher having insight on familiarity. There are actually 4 stages that begin with the letter "C" to watch for. You or someone else could become: 1. Committed then (2) Casual next (3) Cynical, and finally (4) Contempt. This is in no way to say that a commitment will always lead to contempt. On the contrary, this is to prevent such a cycle from happening. In doing so we must guard the "casualty" of our relationships lest one us become a casualty! It is most important to walk in humility respecting and esteeming others higher than ourselves free from selfish ambition. ( Phillippians 2:3) Casual is much more than jeans and T-shirts. Casual can be a danger zone in the Spirit. Lets define casual. Casual-irregular, slight, superficial, careless, nonchalant, temporarily attached There is obviously a tangent taken at this point in a relationship that if not corrected can lead to the next phase, cynical. Now lets define cynical.

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The Sin of Familiarity

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Cynical-sarcastic, sneering, denying sincerity of a person, questioning motives This is highly destructive when applied to prophetic ministries and can lead to the final stage if not renounced which is contempt. Contempt- scorn, despised, disrespect, and viewing worthless. (Selah) This is definitely a manifestation of full-blown pride! Pride is the root of familiarity! Spiritual pride at its worst is the case with contempt. Now we all have strayed down this path at least on one occasion or two. How do you think I know so much about this subject anyway? Guilty as charged, yet forgiven! I tell you there is a way of escape. Once we see our transgression we can repent and receive our pardon at the cross! Next we can do some practical things that will ensure a more pleasurable life at home, with our family and with those we call friends. Respect is key! God is no respecter of persons (Acts 10:34) because He is God and there is none beside Him! We are not God and there are plenty of folks beside us! Therefore we are to respect, esteem and support others. There is an art to this and with Gods grace we can mature into this place in the Body of Christ! Isaiah 44:6 I am the First and the Last. Beside Me there is no other" Setting Boundaries Boundaries will help deter the sin of familiarity! A boundary is a personal property line that marks those things for which we are responsible. Having boundaries is essential to a healthy and balanced lifestyle, securing our borders from the invasion of familiarity. Most importantly setting boundaries is biblical! Emotional boundaries help us deal with our own emotions and disengage us from the harmful manipulative emotions of others. Mental boundaries give us the freedom to have our own thoughts and opinions Spiritual boundaries help us distinguish Gods will from our own. Physical boundaries establish who may touch us and under what circumstance We must set boundaries with our spouse, children, family, co-workers and friends. We can draw a line in the sand and still be kind and loving to others. Jesus had to set boundaries. He said, "I call you friends." Notice the disciples did not call Him their "friend." He was their Master Teacher, Rabbi, and Lord (Boss). They consider Him a friend that stuck closer than any brother who even laid down His life for them but they respected Him and honored Him. We will attract what (or who) we respect! Discover Your Limits When we examine our boundaries, we discover our limits. We all possess a finite amount of ability, time, money and energy. It takes time to learn our limits in various areas of life; they can be learned if we become aware of our feelings, attitudes and behavior. At times we overextend ourselves and at times we under estimate our grace gifts and resources. We can go off course in either direction. It takes grace, truth and patients to discover our limits and take

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responsibility for them. Also we must always reassess our limits in each new season of life. Identifying a False Sense of Responsibility Feelings- tell us how we are doing and what matters to us. We are responsible for our own feelings. To ignore them is destructive to others, and ourselves however, if we feel responsible for other peoples feelings, we can not make decisions based what is right. Instead, we make decisions based on how other people feel about our choices. If we feel responsible for other peoples displeasure, we are being controlled by them and not God. This is crossing over a boundary! We can be sensitive to other peoples feelings without being responsible for how they feel. This is known as a false sense of responsibility and can actually invite a familiar spirit to co-habitate in your home, marriage, ministry, job and relationships. Attitudes are our opinions about something. They form our personality. When we are young, we can have the attitudes of those around us but as we mature we begin to choose our own attitudes. We are not responsible for the attitudes of others. We may complain how someone is "putting expectations" on us, but if we feel pressured, its our problem not the person putting on the pressure! We must learn to say "no" and walk in love. Attitudes can also be our values or morals. These boundaries must be clearly defined in order to restrict familiarity. Behavior are what we do. We can not go where we want to in life if we do not own what we do and what we dont do. This is the basic law of cause and effect or the law of sowing and reaping. People who obey this law will have a sense of being in control of their lives. If they have a need, they will pray, work, ask for help, exercise, make friends, and behave in ways that bear fruit. On the other hand, people who do not take responsibility for their behavior will depend on others who encourage their irresponsibility to maintain their dependency. Whenever someone is not allowed to own their behavior and the consequences, boundaries are being crossed. This is unbiblical and can cause a person to live a life of chaos because they have no confidence in their ability to cause an effect! (Lasciviousness is a work of the flesh- meaning without boundaries) Galatians 5:19 Now the works of the flesh are manifest which are these: adultery, fornication, uncleanness, and lasciviousness... Boundaries Bring Freedom Years ago, I was involved in an experiment in college. We observed a group of children to play in a yard with no fence. They were so insecure; all they did was huddle together in the middle of the yard. Next, we put the same children in a fenced area. They had so much fun as they began to be creative and make up games. They were relaxed and secure as they began building new friendships. The lesson learned was boundaries are not bondage, they actually facilitate freedom! www.SolomonsPorch-Atlanta.org SolomonsPorchFWC@juno.com

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