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Don't be embarrassed about passing the half-century markbe smug! Feed your superiority complex here
Online Discussion: What Do You Love About Being 50+? (AARP Community) 50 Things You Need to Know by 50 (July & August 2007)
My mother died in 1978. In the years that followed, Dad and I became distant in miles and emotion. He married a woman with a prescription-drug dependence; I married an alcoholic. Finally, I found happiness with my third and final husband. But through it all, I missed my mother, and I missed my dad. At the age of 83 my father separated from his second wife, and my brother and I urged him to move near us. I found him an apartment, and I was proud of myself. Proud that I could take care of him. We adjusted to each other easily. He is a gregarious guy with a small dog; they make friends daily. A superb cook, he could be the next Mrs. Fields, but I prefer him as Dad, baking biscotti in my kitchen, or sour cream coffeecake, or beef bourguignon. Our Christmas gift to him was French-cooking lessons; we await the duck lorange. Sunday dinners, baseball games...its all so normal now. So family. Its not perfect, but its good. After 20 years, were just a normal family.
Ann Cochran is a writer in Cabin John, Maryland.
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Too much of a good thing, Mae West told us, can be wonderful, even at this age. Our hormones arent as abundant as they used to be, but with a little help from our friendsViagra, Estrace cream, Astroglidewe can still be as bad as we wanna be. When the spirit is willing but the body isnt, we improvise. Were self-confident enough to say what we want, content enough to swap calisthenics for intimacy. More tenderness and less testosterone can be very sexy indeed. A female friend of mine says her husband used to want sex so often, she felt dispensable. These days it feels more like a choice. Its different for men, too. Im more concerned with making the other person happy, says a male friend. His wife is happy, too: Who knew wed be having so much fun?
Elizabeth Benedict is a novelist who writes frequently about sex (www.elizabethbenedict.com)
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countrys poorest neighborhoods. A large percentage of students at this South Bronx school are borderline autistic, have ADD, or suffer from an array of developmental disorders. Some, like Emmanuel, are shuffled from one foster home to another. Many others have parents who are absent, jailed, unemployed,
Emmanuel returns after a few days suspension and mumbles Sorry after a brief discussion of the earlier events. Juan, a helpful child who loves Spider-Man and sharks, has a suggestion: Why dont we make Emmanuel the Student of the Day so we can get to know him better? I marvel at Juans maturity. Maybe his live-in-the-moment attitude, however naive, is the best way to cope. I realize how much I can learn from these kids about forgiveness, and the value of starting anew.
Eileen Garred teaches in one of the nations poorest neighborhoods.
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of us
14 Because if Keith Richards can make it into his 60s, there's hope for all
1965 Knocked out by electric shock onstage after whacking microphone with guitar 1969 Wrecks his 19-foot Nazi staff car, gets it repaired, then wrecks it down embankment 1973 (Or maybe it was 74) Falls asleep and crashes into speaker, breaking nose 1974 Falls asleep mid-sentence during live television interview 1980 Declares in interview, Ive been drunk for 27 years 1981 Doesnt recognize title of new Stones album: Whats this Tattoo You? 1998 While reaching for book in home library, gets pummeled by avalanche of texts. Suffers three broken ribs and punctured lung 2006 Falls out of coconut tree in Fiji 2007 Claims he snorted Dads ashes (later denies snorting Dads ashes) 2008 Gives key to his longevity: Im doomed to live
Alex Kizer
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Aretha Franklin I Never Loved a Man (The Way I Love You) The Queen of Soul unforgettably blends stirring gospel and soaring R&B in her first hit single, written by Ronnie Shannon. Shed soon have bigger hits, but this one gives you chills.
Booker T. & the MGs Time Is Tight Among the worlds most memorable riffsSunshine of Your Love, Smoke on the Waterthis could be the catchiest, courtesy of the instrumental group that launched a thousand Stax R&B hits.
Merle Haggard Mama Tried Motherhood, freight trains, prison, and church. Merle Haggards autobiographical hit sums up the domestic consolations and outlaw impulses of great American country music. Its an underrated classic.
The Beatles Strawberry Fields Forever A cool psychedelic breeze blows through John Lennons nostalgic memories of his Liverpool childhood. The Beatles rarely sounded more revolutionary than on this dreamy slice of genius.
We know you disagree with our listSo tell us your picks for the best songs ever.
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So I checked my fly and I stepped onstage in a state of grace beyond disgrace, beyond chagrin.
David Bradley, author of The Chaneysville Incident, teaches creative writing at the University of Oregon.
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blotchy, hoarse from yelling. Our parents grow old, and ill, or nutty; our children make mistakes that drop us to our knees. Through it all, how on earth can he love me, given what a flawed, messy, moody person I am? The artifice is long gone; he sees me. As my oldest friend said when we were girls, If Prince Charming loves me, hes probably not really Prince Charming. Well, as it turns out, maybe he is. Okay, so we wont make love on the kitchen table again (theres not enough ibuprofen and, besides, thats why God invented pillow-top mattresses). But lately, when he puts his arm around me in the movie line, or takes my hand as we cross the street, my heart jumps as it did in the beginning. Im happy to see him in the morning and blessed to sleep beside him at night; there are even days, in a certain light, that he makes me feel all swoony. He does see me, which is why hes still here. And I see him, far more clearly than I didburnished, like my grandmothers sterling silver, and as grounded as the white oak in our front yard. I couldnt have known thats how it would be, back when I was putting on a show.
Larkin Warren lives in Connecticut. She is working on her first novel.
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away. We relish changing smelly diapers, schlepping kids to play dates, and tending to runny noses and bloody knees. Lately Jessica has started talking about boysspecifically, about kissing boys. Werent we just singing Barney songs together? The phrase They grow up so fast has special poignancy; we want to be with them every step of the way.
Because we are powerful 30 41 percent of American adults are over 50, the highest percentage in U.S. history. 31 80 percent of Congress is over 50.
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32 Half of the Americans who voted in the 2006 elections were 50+. 33 People over 55 own 77 percent of all financial assets in the United States. 34 50+ adults account for 45 percent of U.S. consumer spending, or $2.1 trillion per year. 35 By 2011 the American 50+ population will surpass the 100 million mark.
that if you wake up in the morning and you're vertical and your kids are healthy, that's 90 percent of being happy. That's it!"
37 "When you get older, hopefully you've developed the smarts to know
Judge Judy
38 Because youre secure enough to take as much advice as you dish out
If its true we are judged by the company we keep, the evidence in my favor is compelling: a bevy of strong, self-sufficient, passionate young women, 30and moreyears younger than I am. Being this far past 50 frees me to wallow in their youthful exuberance without
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competition or regret. I am both their patient sage and their eager student. Each appeared at different points in my life and from various spots on the globe, and though we are sometimes separated by months, years, even continents, our links are so elastic that we never lose touch. They are dream catchers, all: the brilliant, book-loving hell-raiser, who at 16 was as skilled with her fists as she was with a pen when we met 18 years ago; the enchanting poet/actress; the fierce lawyer; the self-assured entrepreneur. Early on, each of them evoked an intense whisper in meI know herand I recognized they were parts of that girl I used to be. We are like attracting likeas intensely loyal as we are truthful. So, when I confess to feeling fat, the actress dares me to shut up and flaunt it. In the middle of my tiresome ranting, the businesswoman shames melovinglyinto clearing my space of ancient hurts and weary narratives. If I am weak, the lawyer argues me back to warrior-woman status. When I get stuck, the hell-raisernow the college student/wife/mother
leads me out.
I admire all the things they are that I will never be, but because Im older, my instructions to them rarely change: Trust your gut. Get angry. If it scares you, do it. Dont go with the flow unless you started it. Eat dessert first. My young friends revel in my steady assurances, even as they rescue me from the tedium of old certainties and instruct me in the protocol of cool. Watching themand listeningis pure joy and wonder.
Bernestine Singley is a writer and lawyer based in Dallas.
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Because older brains have new strengths 41 Youre a better judge of character
The Proof: In tests at North Carolina State University, older folks outperformed younger participants in determining whether people were honest and intelligent.
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that Id wanted milk, not orange juice, and grew up to gnash my teeth in my sleep. Finally, the freedom of a fully flowered adulthood dropped the hammer on this Go Along to Get Along baloney. Bad hairstylist? Gone. The plumber who didnt fix the mess under the kitchen sink and charged me anyway? Gone. The old friend who in a three-week period canceled a lunch date four times, then scolded me for arriving ten minutes late? Well, not gone, exactly, but definitely on my pay-no-mind list. The car dealer who tried to muscle me 20 minutes into our first conversation? Summarily exchanged for the nice, slow-moving guy at the dealership down the road. From him, well buy two. No matter how many birthdays we get, the salient lesson remains the same: Life is short. Theres never enough time for the people and activities we love, so why allot time (or sleepless nights, or money) to those we dont? Being nice doesnt equal suffering fools; being compassionate does not translate as take a hosing, write the check, and feel like a sucker. I dont want to waste my time anymore; I dont want to waste yours. Can we make a deal that will make us both happy? Otherwise (and I say this with deep respect for how good you are, how hard you work, and how long weve known each other), youre fired.
Larkin Warren
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to step back mentally and just look around. Was all this beauty here all along?
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Photo credits: 01: Jason Varney; 02: Frazer Harrison/Getty Images Entertainment; 03: John M. Heller/Getty Images Entertainment; 04: Andree-Noelle Pot/EPA/Corbis; 05: Frederick M. Brown/Getty Images Entertainment; 06: Brendan Hoffman/Getty Images Entertainment; 07: Henson Associates/Everett Collection; 11: Christopher Lane; 13: Adam Cuthbert; 18: Beach Boys, Booker T. & the MGs, Merle Haggard and The Beatles: Michael Ochs Archives/Getty Images, Aretha Franklin: Harry Goodwin/Redferns/Retna; 20: Arthur Schatz/Time & Life Pictures/Getty images; 21: Justin Steele; 23: Rayon Richards/Retna; 28: Steve Shapiro/Corbis; 38: Misty Keasler; 47: Camera Press/Retna, Bob Thomas/Getty Images (inset) Online Discussion: Tell us what you love about being 50+
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