EXT. MANNIES HOUSE - MORNING Jims 1988 Yugo is parked alongside Sams purple Schwinn Bicycle with banana.

INT. MANNIES LIVING ROOM - MORNING CONTINUOS Jim sits on the sofa watching Sam give a presentation before a blank easel. SAM I'd like to thank everyone for coming this morning, but since I have no idea why I'm here, I'll turn the floor over to my irregular but favorite cousin here, Mannie Boyle. Sam claps excitedly and joins Jim on the sofa. Mannie enters. Pacing in front of the easel, MILITARY STYLED music plays as Mannie talks. MANNIE Well the reason I called you all here today is because we three share a common enemy. A foe so dastardly it's going to take all our cunning to eject them from our lives and the lives of everyone at local middle. Jim lunges. Sam holds him back. The music skips to a halt. JIM Are you talking about my mother? Jim struggles to break Sams grip. JIM (CONTD) My mother?! Ill kill you! MANNIE No, Its not your mother Jim, geeze, Where do you come up with this stuff? JIM Im sorry, I get a bit testy when mothers brought up. Jim straightens his garments. SAM Pardon my intrusion, but your mother was never...

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Jim pulls out a switch blade. JIM One more word out of you and its sliced ham for dinner, Porky. Sam backs down timidly. SAM Never mind. Mannie clears his throat. MANNIE Focus people... Mannie flips up the easel to reveal Chelseas picture. Sams eyes go wide with panic. He slowly backs away from the picture of his tormentor, protesting whatever is to come next. SAM Nah uh... no way. Sam runs for the door. MANNIE Jim? JIM Got him. Jim blocks door. Sam runs into him, Sam struggles frantically. SAM Release me you slippery buffoon! I don't want to die! And you can't make me! MANNIE Will you calm down? I have a plan. CUT TO: EXT. MANNIES HOUSE - DAY Jim and Mannie struggle with getting Sam to the car. Across the street is a parked MOVING TRUCK. MARTY STRYKER, an attractive yet abrasive low level Talent agent to local want to be celebrities, supervises the movers. MARTY Whoa, what the hell is that?

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Marty whips out his cell phone MARTY (CONTD) Yeah, Local City Real Estate please? Hey, Gregory quick question for you, you didn't sell me a house that was built near some sort of Indian burial ground or nuclear power plant did you? Across the street, Jim is trying to force Sam into the car. Jim sweats more than usual at this exertion of strength, causing puddles to form under is feet. Mannie takes a few steps back and charges Jim. Success! Both Sam and Jim tumble into the car. Mannie, however, slips and lands face first in Jims bodily secretions. MANNIE Awwwwww shi... JUMP CUT TO: Movers drop boxes CRASH. Marty stares across the street in disbelief. The trio drive off, Jim waves. MARTY That's got to be the ugliest male on male couple I've ever seen. FADE TO: OPENING CREDITS EXT. LOCAL MIDDLE SCHOOL - MORNING Kids file into the school chatting and playing. A random kid mischievously pees on the flag pole. A teacher snatches him up by the collar. INT. HALL/OUTSIDE OF ALBINO JONS LOCKER - MORNING CONTINUOS Mannie talks through the locker door. ALBINO JON (O.S.) (Raspy) And the plan has been put into motion as we planned? MANNIE Yup, Sam took a bit of convincing but Jim's already set to go, you sure this can work?

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There is a SLAM of fist against metal. ALBINO JON (O.S.) (Raspy) It has to! For the good of all man kind Chelsea has to die... MANNIE You do realize thats not in the plan right? ALBINO JON (O.S.) (Normal voice) Its not? I could have sworn I made an amendment here somewhere... Pages SHUFFLE as if a book is being rifled through. ALBINO JON (O.S.) (CONTD) (Normal voice) Oh, wrong plan... Say, how do you feel about taking care of that God awful Jersey Shore cast next? INT. JIMS HISTORY CLASS - DAY Kids sit bored to tears in class. Some nod off, others text friends thats right next to them. JIM Pop quiz, everyone pay attention, we're going to shake things up a bit and get some blood pumping! FEMALE STUDENT You're not going to need to like, touch us or anything; are you? JIM No Susan, at your age, nine times out of ten I'd go to jail for that... Now everyone stand up, when I call on you, you get to answer a question, get it right- you pass and sit down, get it wrong and even the most simple of you know what that means. CHELSEA No, what does it mean Wet Willy? Students laugh at the joke but stand up as theyre told. JIM Oh, you'll find out soon enough, Chelsea.

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EXT. LOCAL MIDDLE SCHOOL COURT YARD - DAY Mannie enters the court yard and leans against the flag pole. He checks his watch. MANNIE Sam?? Sam?! Where the hell are you? SAM (O.S.) Uh... I seem to be having quite the difficult time freeing myself from up here. Mannie looks up to see Sam duct taped to the top of the flag pole. MANNIE There you are, I thought we were having an eclipse. SAM Very comical. Just get me down. Mannie unties the line. Sam falls and lands waist deep in mud, legs straight up. SAM (CONTD) You can see now why I'm hesitant to join this suicide mission of yours? MANNIE Chelsea did this? Mannie helps Sam up. SAM Did Chelsea do this?! Sams eyes bulge as he launches into a rant unbecoming of his usual mild mannered, happy nature. SAM I couldnt do out of breath freaking flag question! Any Einstein?!? (CONTD) it to myself! Hell I run masturbating, climbing a pole is out of the freaking more brilliant inquiries,

MANNIE All the more reason to get rid of him. Come on, lets go.

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INT. JIMS HISTORY CLASS - DAY Everyone in class is sitting except Chelsea, Jim is seated with his feet up on the desk, exasperated. JIM For the 34th and final time Chelsea, Who was the first president of the United States of America? CHELSEA Ummm... Can you use it in a sentence, please? JIM This isn't a spelling bee Chelsea, for Pete's sake just sit down. The bell rings. Students rush out of class. JIM (CONTD) Chelsea will you hang on for a second, we need to talk. CHELSEA What now, Bad Pits? Jim smirks and does busy work sorting papers. JIM Well, after reviewing your marks... or lack there of, I think I have no choice but to fail you, you know what that means don't you? Chelsea stares blankly. JIM (CONTD) Expulsion genius and it looks like your only other option is Local Adult Center for Education. Say hey to your old pal Azukah for me. INT. LOCAL MIDDLE SCHOOL - THOUGHT BUBBLE AZUKAH, A 6'4 240 Lb. Samoan hulk made of pure muscle wearing Local Middle Schools jersey, punches Chelsea in the face with his own fist. AZUKAH Stop hitting yourself, stop hitting yourself, stop hitting yourself... Azukah gets visibly angry.

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AZUKAH (CONTD) Why wont you stop hitting yourself?! Azukah starts punching Chelsea harder. Each time disfiguring Chelseas already pummeled face just a little more-- Missing tooth, swollen eye, puffy red cheeks etc. AZUKAH (CONTD) Are you mocking me?! Aaargh! Thought bubble poofs away. INT. JIMS HISTORY CLASS - DAY Chelsea is ghost pale. He runs and locks the door. CHELSEA No, I can't, I won't, Please Puddles, you gotta help me! Chelsea falls to his knees clutching Jims leg. JIM First off Chelsea, its Mr. Haddon... Chelsea stops pleading suddenly. CHELSEA I thought your name was Jim? JIM Yeah, Jim is my first name... Chelsea stares dumbfounded. JIM (CONTD) Never mind. Look, I may be able to assign you a tutor to get you back on track and in your right grade over at the high school but you have to do exactly as I say. CHELSEA Anything! I'll do whatever you need, just no more Azukah. Chelsea shudders. Jim goes and opens the door JIM Come on in fellas. Mannie pushes a shivering Sam through the door.

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CHELSEA Coming in early for your daily beating, Lardo? I'm a little busy here but I'd be happy to fit you in. Chelsea clenches fist. Sam faints. MANNIE Not quite... Meet your new tutor. Mannie points at Sams hefty frame crumpled on the floor. Chelsea faints. ACT II EXT. LOCAL CITY LIBRARY - MID DAY The same random kid from before pees on the local drinking fountain. A librarian snatches him up by the collar. INT. LOCAL CITY LIBRARY - MID DAY CONTINUOS Jim, Mannie, Sam and Chelsea sit together at a table in the center of the library. MANNIE Let's start with the discovery of America. CHELSEA No need, America was discovered by Jesus Christ and Christopher Reeves on Christmas. Thats why were all Christians, right? Jim, Mannie and Sam just stare at Chelsea in disbelief. SAM This is going to take forever. JIM What we need here is a nice 80s styled musical montage... Jim pulls 3 cds from his briefcase. JIM (CONTD) I have Eye of the tiger, We are the champions and Don't stop thinking about tomorrow, what will it be guys? CHELSEA, MANNIE AND SAM Eye of the tiger!

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EYE OF THE TIGER plays as background music. SERIES OF SHOTS A. CHELSEA IN THE RAIN DOING SIT UPS WHILE JIM HOLDS A BOOK AND SCREAMS QUESTIONS FOR HIM TO ANSWER. B. JIM, MANNIE, SAM AND CHELSEA ROLE PLAYING SHAKESPEARE'S ROMEO AND JULIET. SAM AS JULIET TRIES TO KISS CHELSEA WHO PLAYS ROMEO, CHELSEA TACKLES AND PUNCHES HIM REPEATEDLY. C. CHELSEA AT HOME ASLEEP AT A DESK, FACE BURIED IN PILE OF BOOKS. D. CHELSEA, SAM AND MANNIE RUNNING UP THE STAIRS OF THE PUBLIC LIBRARY IN SWEATS. DURING THE VICTORY DANCE AT THE TOP, SAM HUGS CHELSEA. CHELSEA PUSHES SAM WHO BOUNCES BACK DOWN THE STAIRS WHILE MANNIE AND CHELSEA CONTINUE TO DANCE. INT. LOCAL CITY LIBRARY - DAY The foursome are back at the same center table of the library. JIM Good work every one. By the laws of 80s pop culture he should be ready. Mannie, Sam and Chelsea nod and high five one another FADE TO BLACK. EXT. LOCAL MIDDLE SCHOOL - MORNING Kids stream into the school. The random kid takes a leak on the bike rack. A police officer snatches him up by the collar. INT. JIMS HISTORY CLASS - MORNING CONTINUOS JIM Put your books away people, pop quiz time!

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Class groans. Jim winks at Chelsea and passes out the quiz. CUT TO: INT. JIMS HISTORY CLASS - LATER THAT DAY Kids write until the bell RINGS. Students pack up their books to and go to hand in their tests. Chelsea is first in line. JIM Hang on a second Chelsea and I'll grade this for you right now. Students protest the hold up. Chelsea turns to threaten the others with a promise. CHELSEA Next person to make a sound will be escorted out of here by the school nurse! Class falls silent. A crickets CHIRP is the only sound. CHELSEA (CONTD) Thats it!! CLOSE UP on a cricket on a desk, chirping lazily. Chelsea plows through the desk angrily. JIM Ahem... Good news, you got a D+, not exactly Asimov smart but you pass. Chelsea stops stomping on the splintered desk. He snatches the paper from Jim. CHELSEA High school here I come, see you spazzoids later! Chelsea runs out of class hooting and hollering. CHELSEA (O.S.) (CONTD) Finally something for mom to hang on the fridge! Thanks Jim! JIM Dont thank me... Jim leans over desk

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JIM (CONTD) This was all Mannies doing! Class gasps in unison. Kids whisper Mannies name CUT TO: INT. LOCAL MIDDLE SCHOOL CAFETERIA - DAY Jim, Mannie and Sam are in lunch line. SAM Heavens to Betsy, I can't believe that raging bull of a teenager is finally no more! Let us join hands in jubilant celebration! JIM Not even in your wildest fantasy Fatty Carbuncles, but I agree, feels kind of nice to see what victory smells like. Jim takes a big breath. Enter TONY, a 15 year old punk kid wearing skinny black jeans and black vest, his hair is green and spiked in Mohawk fashion, from behind. TONY Hey Mannie, hows it hanging? Mannie points at himself in disbelief. TONY (CONTD) Yeah you, heard what ya did, you're some kind of hero round these parts now. Tony looks over at a slender Jim standing next to a nice, round Sam. TONY (CONTD) Ive heard of guys that only roll with 10s but this is ridiculous. JIM Is he talking about us? Why that putrid little fu... TONY Cmon, let me buy you lunch, well talk. Mannie shrugs.

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MANNIE Sure why not. SAM What about us? If Mannie is your Batman then surely I am his faithful companion Robin for we embarked upon this perilous mission as a team... Jim turns to Sam. JIM Robin? Looks like the only thing youve been robbin is Local City Bakery, Caked Crusader. This was our gig, Im more Robin than youll ever be... In fact Im his right hand man, like Knight Wing! Jim turns back to Mannie and Tony as they walk off to a table packed with kids who congratulate Mannie. The cricket, arm in a cast, is among them. JIM (CONTD) Im your Knight Wi... Awwww. NARRATOR (V.O.) Is Chelsea really gone for good? Is Mannie on his way to the top of the food chain at Local Middle? Will Jim ever buy deodorant? Find out the answer to these and more next week on Man Boy. FADE TO BLACK.