After I read Midnight Sun on Stephanie's site I was totally intrigured by the id ea of how Edward saw the world

and his relationship with Bella. Then I finished Breaking Dawn and it was my favorite book ever! I hate a hard time with some of it, like a lot of fans out there, but I generally love it! That got me thinking, what was Edward thinking? This was what I came up with. Before I begin this cha pter I just want to re-iterate that this is Stephanie Meyer's work and character s. I have borrowed them to play with. This is Edwards Version of what happened i n Breaking Dawn ( the first book anyway). I hope you enjoy and please do let me know what you think! Review it if you like, I'd always like to hear opinions! Br eaking Dawn, Edwards POV Preface I'd lived many decades. I ran into my share of monsters, being one myself. I'd never felt the need to run from them, I was fast , I was strong. But this, this was different. How do you run away from yourself? I knew this day was drawing near, but it had been something I was dreading and something I knew I could not live without. She was everything I wanted. She was everything I needed and I knew what I much do. But how do you kill the one you l ove? Chapter 1. Engaged I was in my room listening to music, trying to relax. Be lla had wanted some time to run out and pick up a few things. Ever dependant, I knew that she wanted to go on her own, so I let her without even the slightest h esitation (that she could see). I desperately wanted to go with her, but I knew that she would be safe. But, here I sat. Alone, in my room. While she was out th ere alone I worried about her safety. She was so very breakable, and trouble nev er had any difficulty finding her. I must admit, I did worry about her a little less knowing that she was in a safe, reliable car. Her Chevy truck had finally d ied...with a little bit of help from Rosalie ( who was starting to warm to the i dea of having Bella as a sister, even though she wasn't pleased that Bella could so easily give up her human life to become one of us). After her truck had...di ed, I delighted in her promise to allow me to buy her a new car., which she woul d only allow after the truck was officially done. I knew she wanted nothing spec tacular, but I needed her to be in the safest vehicle possible. I happened to kn ow someone at a Mercedes Dealership in Europe and he got me in touch with the ri ght people. The car, The Guardian (perfect name if you were to ask me to watch o ver my Bella), hadn't even been released in Europe but I managed to finagle one. It was perfect. Better than I'd hoped! It was virtually indestructible, exactly what my destructible Bella needed. It had missile proof glass and four thousand pounds of body amour. You could even take a flame thrower to it and not even da mage the paint. Perfect in case of car accidents or falling trees or too aggress ive ware wolves. I knew she would be embarrassed by it. It was much too extravag ant for her. She had been hoping to see a Toyota or a Ford or even another Chevy , at the very least one of the symbols she knew. Se had been embarrassed and ove rwhelmed when I revealed the car to her.

"What is that?" She asked incredulously after I brought her outside to look at i t when it had first arrived. "Why, Bella, it's your new car of course. Don't you like it?" I asked, a little of the excitement had faded from my voice, having d one it intentionally knowing she wouldn't make too much of a big deal about it i f she knew she would hurt my feelings. "Of course Edward, but it's too much." Sh e replied as she put her hand to my face. "Don't worry, it's only your before ca r anyway" I hadn't actually meant for that little bit of information to slip out yet, but I had been distracted by her lovely chocolate brown eyes. "My what? Be fore what?" She asked stunned. "Well, this one is actually a loaner. After...." I started to say it, but it was still so difficult to think about the moment I d readed, the moment that I knew would come all too soon, the day her heart stoppe d beating. The day I killed her. "After you become one of us." I whispered my vo ice so low I'm sure she barely heard it. She knew that despite how much I loved her, this was not an easy topic for me to discuss. That effectively ended the co nversation and she murmured her thanks, only a little grudgingly, with some of h er sweet kisses. Yes, that day was coming quickly upon me, a hard day it would b e. I began to feel myself wallow. I decided this would not be how I spent my day . I turned my thought to a day much closer at hand. A happy day, a joyous day an d one I couldn't wait for. The day I would finally make Bella my wife. I lingere d over the words in my head; Bella, my wife. She would be my wife and I would be her husband. I remembered, with a smile, the day we had gone to tell Charlie th at we were engaged. She fidgeted the whole time. She finally agreed to wear my m other's ring. It meant more to me than she could even imagine and I held her han d tightly in mine so she would stop trying to hide her hand in her pockets. I ha d head Charlie's cruiser well before she did and she tensed when the sound reach ed her and continued to fidget more. "Stop fidgeting, Bella. Please try to remem ber that you're not confessing to a murder here" "Easy for you to say." She grum ped. Charlie was walking up the sidewalk and I could tell she was listening clos ely, tensing with each step he took. "Calm down, Bella." I whispered as I heart her heart rapidly accelerating. We heard the door slam and Bella jumped. "Hey Ch arlie," I called, feeling fairly confident. "No!" Bella hissed under her breathe . "What?" I whispered back. "Wait till he hangs up his gun!" I chuckled and ran my fingers through my hair. She was silly. As Charlie came around the corned in his uniform he made a face, clearly still upset it was I who was sitting with Be lla, he would have preferred Jacob to be the one she loved, however he did try t o be civil.

"Hey kids, what's up?" "We'd like to talk to you," I said "We have some good new s." He was suspicious immediately. "Good news?" He growled glancing right at Bel la. "Have a seat Dad." He raised an eyebrow and stared at me. I knew exactly wha t he was thinking. He stomped over to his recliner and sat on the very edge of h is seat. "Don't get worked up, Dad," Bella started to say. "Everything is ok" I grimaced at her words. Okay? It was more than okay. If it were me I would have u sed words like wonderful or perfect or incredible, but certainly not okay. That was like calling Bella simply pretty. "Sure it is Bella, sure it is. If everythi ng is so great, then why are you sweating bullets?" "I'm not sweating," She lied . She was indeed a little sweaty, but she looked glorious, then with that though t I had to remind myself to focus. She leaned into me for support as she wiped t he sweat from her forehead. As she did this, Charlie's thoughts became very clea r and panicked; I barely had time to decipher them before he shouted. "You're pr egnant!" Charlie had exploded. "You're pregnant, aren't you?" And although the q uestion was meant to be for Bella he was glaring directly at me. "No! Of course not." Bella shouted. I knew she must be upset; this was exactly the thought she told me people would have when we told them we were getting married. Charlie rel axed slightly believing what Bella was saying. "Oh! Sorry." "Apology accepted." Bella said, stalling. There was a long pause and I realized that they were waiti ng for me to say something. Bella looked at me with panic in her eyes. I could t ell she couldn't do it and needed me to step in. I smiled at her, squared myself and looked directly at her father. "Charlie, I realize that I've gone about thi s out of order. Traditionally, I should have asked you first. I mean no disrespe ct, but since Bella has already said yes and I don't want to diminish her choice in the matter, instead of asking for her hand, I'm asking you for your blessing . We're getting married, Charlie. I love her more than anything in the world, mo re than my own life, and by some miracle she loves me that way too. Will you giv e us your blessing? After a moment I saw Charlie's eyes shift, his eyes were now locked on Bella's ring. Bella held her breath beside me as Charlie started to c hange from fair to red, red to purple, purple to blue. She started to get up ten tatively. "Give him a minute." I said so only she could hear as I softly squeeze d her hand. The silence was long, very long for Bella. But in the silence Charli e started to return to his normal color. His lips were pursed and his eyebrows w ere furrowed. He was deep in thought. He studied both of us for a moment. As his thoughts seemed to clear, I relaxed and I knew Bella could feel me beside her. "Guess I'm not that surprised," He grumbled. "Knew I'd have to deal with somethi ng like this soon enough. You sure about this?" He demanded after he heard Bella sigh. "I'm one hundred percent sure about Edward." Bella said without skipping a beat.

"Getting married though? What's the rush?" He asked, suspicious again. Bella and I both knew the rush. She was getting older everyday and didn't want to appear too much older than me. She was turning nineteen and I would always be frozen at seventeen. She knew that the only way I would change her would be if she was my wife. She wanted to be one of us so badly she was willing to give up everything she had been taught. Of course these were things we couldn't share with Charlie . "We're going away to Dartmouth together in the fall Charlie," I reminded him. "I'd like to do that, well, the right way. It's how I was raised". I explained s hrugging. I could tell from Charlie's thought that he was searching for an argum ent but we all knew he wasn't going to find one. No one wanted their daughter sh acking up with their boyfriend. "I knew this was coming." Charlie muttered. Then he was almost happy. "Dad?" Bella asked anxious, clearly afraid he was having a nervous break down. She glanced at me and I tried not to frown at Charlie's tho ughts. I knew they were probably right. "Ha!" Charlie burst with a chuckle and B ella jumped. "Ha, ha, ha!" We watched as Charlie doubled over in fits of laughte r. "Okay fine," Charlie choked." Get married," More laughter. "But..." "But? Wha t?" Bella demanded. "But you have to tell your mom! I'm not saying one word to R enee! That's all yours!" And that was how we first told anyone we were getting m arried. I remembered how Bella had been terrified of telling Renee, probably eve n more than she was about telling Charlie. "Well Bella," Renee had begun after B ella finally managed to tell her she was marrying me. "I'm a little miffed that you waited so long to tell me. Plane tickets only get more expensive. Oooh." She 'd worried and wondered if Phil's cast would be off in time. "Back up a second, Mom," Bella gasped expecting more of a reaction. "What do you mean, waited so lo ng? We just got en-en..." She'd stuttered with the word, still having trouble wi th the concept. "things settled, you know, today. They chatted for a while and R enee was surprised. She seemed to assume we were heading in that direction when we were visiting back in April. And then Renee had surprised her buy telling her she was not making a mistake, that's what Bella needed to hear. For the past fe w weeks, although I wouldn't say Bella has been excited for the wedding, but she hadn't been dreading it either. I had been pleased because Renee and Esme had b een in such close contact. Renee seemed to love Esme as most people did and they hadn't even met. Bella didn't need to do a single thing for the wedding. For on e, even if she wanted to, I'm not sure Alice would have let her anyway. She was having such a great time with the flowers and the decor and the menu for our hum an guests. For another I didn't want her worrying about anything unnecessary. Sh e had been through so much with the Mutt and Victoria and the Volturi breathing down our necks. I knew she was trying to prepare for the day that I dreaded. I w anted her to

experience everything human that she could before she never would be able to aga in. I let her sleep as much as possible this was as much for her as much as it w as for me (I loved watching her sleep in my arms although I wouldn't miss those nightmares she was always having. I fed her as much as possible, something new e veryday. Plus I knew that Charlie was stressing her out more and more. He had be en counting on Renee to be the heavy but was sorely disappointed. Today I knew t hat she would not be happy. Although Alice did everything in her power to keep h er mind away from Bella's wedding dress so as not to spoil my surprise at seeing her on our wedding day...our wedding day, what a glorious thought! I still had picked up from Alice that today was the final fitting. The time to make sure tha t Bella's dress would fit her perfectly. I tried to picture Bella in a wedding d ress. I thought of so many styles. Bella in a long, white flowing gown. Bella in a long, white, slinky gown. Bella in a big white, pouffy gown. Pictures cycled in my head, each one more beautiful than the last. I knew there was no way I cou ld be disappointed. I knew she would look perfect in whatever gown she had chose n. I smiled, and all my worries about changing her and the Volturi and the mutt disappeared. She was my Bella and I was her Edward. And I was there with her. I was in my happy place. Before I begin this chapter I just want to re-iterate that this is Stephanie Mey er's work and characters. I have borrowed them to play with. This is Edwards Ver sion of what happened in Breaking Dawn ( the first book anyway). I hope you enjo y and please do let me know what you think! Review it if you like, I'd always li ke to hear opinions! Chapter 2 Long Night "I miss you already." Bella said, pout ing. "I don't have to leave. I can stay..." I said nuzzling her hair. "Mmmm," wa s her response. I bent my head to her lips and the sweet sound of her heart and our lips were the only sounds in the still night. She was tempting, no longer he r blood though, not the taste of it anyway. The thing that tempted me now was he r heart, the sound of her blood pumping as she got excited by my kisses. I got u sed to the burning in my throat; it hardly even bothered me now. It was a differ ent burning in my body that was painful now, the burning of my desire for her. I opened my eyes to find her starting back at me. She was a goddess sent here to tempt me. I desperately wanted to know what she was thinking, just as I always d id. I saw the same longing in her eyes that I felt for her. "Definitely staying. " I murmured into her ear. "No, no. It's your bachelor party. You have to go." S he said, but I could tell she didn't mean it. Her right hand tightened in my hai r and her left pressed into the small of my back. I stroked her face as I gazed into her eyes. I didn't want to leave her anymore than she wanted me to go. "Bac helor parties are designed for those who are sad to see the passing of their sin gle days. I couldn't be more eager to have them behind me. So there's no point." And it was true, after more than eighty years I was glad to be settling down wi th my Bella. "True." She breathed carefully to be quiet so as not to wake Charli e who slept in the next room.

This would be the last time that we would cuddle up in this room. This would be the last time I had to sneak in through her window in order to be with her at ni ght. She was huddled in a blanket; I had to sacrifice my shirt which now lay of the floor beside the bed. I felt her shudder as she lay beside me and I bent to her pressing my hard, cold lips to her lovely, warm ones. And it was my turn to sigh as she pressed her soft tongue to my lips, a surge of urgency for her washe d through me and I started to pull away knowing that if we continued I wouldn't be able to last to the wedding night, our wedding night. "Wait." She said grippi ng my shoulders and hugging me to her. She kicked her leg free of the blanket an d seductively wrapped it around my waist. "Practice make perfect." I laughed. "W ell, we should be fairly close to perfection by this point, then shouldn't we? H ave you slept at all in the last month?" I knew she hadn't been sleeping well wi th all of the changes that she had been going though. "But this is the dress reh ersal," She reminded me, like I needed any more reminding "and we've only practi ced certain scenes. It's no time for playing safe." I didn't answer her. I went still and straight. She just didn't understand the constant care I had to take s o that I didn't break her. "Bella," I whispered. I knew she knew what I was thin king. "Don't start this again," she said, rolling her eyes. "A deal's a deal." " I don't know. It's too hard to concentrate when you're with me like this. I I ca n't think straight. I won't be able to control myself. You'll get hurt." It was always at the forefront of my mind. "I'll be fine." "Bella..." "Shh!" She presse d her lips to mine. I knew she would never let me out of our deal but I had to t ry. I had made a deal and I would make good on it, unless I could convince her t o change her mind. "How are your feet?" I asked. "Toasty warm." She answered, no t understanding my meaning. "Really? No second thoughts? It's not too late to ch ange your mind." "Are you trying to ditch me?" She joked. "Just making sure. I d on't want you to do anything you're not sure about." I was giving her another wa y out, knowing she would never take it. "I'm sure about you, the rest I can live through." I hesitated; hating that marriage was still not something that excite d her as much as it did me. "Can you?" I asked barely a whisper. "I mean the wed ding which I am positive you will survive despite your qualms but afterward...wh at about Renee, what about Charlie?" She sighed. I knew she was getting tired of my questions, but I needed to be sure that she was sure. "I'll miss them." And I knew she was not thinking about herself, she was thinking how that they would miss her. She was always putting others above herself.

"Angela and Ben and Jessica and Mike?" I started naming all her human friends. " I'll miss my friends, too." She smiled in the darkness, to herself mostly. "Espe cially Mike. Oh, Mike! How will I go on?" She feigned distress, I growled. She l aughed but then said seriously, "Edward, we've been through this. I know it will be hard, but this is what I want. I want you and I want you forever. One lifeti me is simply not enough for me." This of course was what I wanted too. I wanted her for more than forever. "Frozen forever at eighteen." I whispered. "Everyone woman's dream come true," she teased while I was trying to make her see just how serious this really way. "Never changing...never moving forward." "What does th at mean?" I thought for a moment making my thoughts clear. "Do you remember when we told Charlie we were getting married? And he thought that you were...pregnan t?" "And he thought about shooting you?" She teased with a light laugh. "Admit i t for one second her honestly considered it." I didn't answer. I wanted her to l isten to me. To take what I was saying seriously. There were so many things she would never experience. There were so many things I could never give here, like a child. "What, Edward?" "I just wish...well I wish that he'd been right." She m ade an indistinguishable sound that sound remotely like a cat throwing up, obvio usly shocked. "More that there was sine way he could have been. That we had that kind of potential. I hate taking that away from you, too." She hesitated and I stared at her. It was just something I couldn't give her. I could never give it to us. I could never be a father as Carlisle had been one to me, as well as my o wn father, Edward had been before him. "I know what I'm doing." She said simply. "How could you know that, Bella? Look at my mother, look at my sister. It's not as easy a sacrifice as you imagine." "Esme and Rosalie get by just fine. If it' s a problem later, we can do what Esme did, we'll adopt." I sighed heavily and t hen I was suddenly angry. "It's not right! I don't want you to have to make sacr ifices for me. I want to give you things, not take things away from you. I don't want to steal your future. If I were human-" I started to say, put she was fast . She put her hand over my lips soothing me. "You are my future. No, stop. No Mo ping or I'm calling your brothers to come and get you. Maybe you need a bachelor party." I thought for a moment. She was right. It was the eve of my wedding, ou r wedding. I was marrying

the most beautiful woman in the world. She wanted me and I more than wanted her and nothing was going to change that. "I'm sorry. I am moping. Must be nerves/" I said as I touched her cheek. "Are your feet getting cold?" "Not in that sense. I've been waiting a century to marry you, Miss Swan. The wedding ceremony is th e one thing I can't wait " I stopped mid sentence as new voices popped into me he ad. Yo! Bro, we know you're in there! Emmett called from outside, of course I co uld hear them only in my head. "Oh, for the love of all things holy!" "What's wr ong?" Bella asked, concern clouding her voice. I gritted my teeth listening to E mmett inside my head. You'd better get your ass out here, it's party time! "You don't have to call my brothers. Apparently Emmett and Jasper are not going to le t me bow out of tonight." She squeezed me tighter, as if not sure she could let go, but she reluctantly released me. "Have fun." She said trying to keep her voi ce light. There was an awful squeal on the window, reminiscent of nails on a cha lkboard, and Bella shuttered at the awful sound. "If you don't send Edward out," Emmett, who was still invisible to Bella, hissed. "We're coming in after him." She laughed. "Go, before they break my house." I rolled my eyes but stood and re placed my shirt. I didn't want to leave her, there had been so few times when we had not spend the night together. My favorite thing to do was watch her sleep. I bent to give her a final kiss on her forehead. "Get to sleep. You have a big d ay tomorrow." I ordered. "Thanks! That's sure to help me wind down." She griped. "I'll meet you are the alter." I said smiling. "I'll be the one in white." She smiled back at me, sounding very casual, like we got married everyday. I chuckle d. How I didn't want to leave. "Very convincing." I suddenly crouched low and co iled like a spring. I found my way swiftly to the ground and I knew I had been t oo fast for Bella to see, but I had fun landing on Emmett. He cursed and I laugh ed, it served him right for stealing me from my Bella. "You'd better not make hi m late," I heard Bella murmur quietly, but still sounding as if she were right n ext to me Jasper was at Bella's window, radiating a peaceful calm. "Don't worry, Bella. We'll get him home in plenty of time." I hoped he was helping her to rel ax. She did have a very big day tomorrow and did need her rest. I heard Bella ag ain, "Jasper? What do vampires do at bachelor parties? You're not taking him to a strip club, are you?" I chuckled. There was an idea. Take 3 male vampires to a place filled with

people and women and sweat and heat and high emotions. Not that a place like tha t could ever hold appeal for me, Bella was the only one I ever looked at, the on ly one I ever saw, the only one I ever wanted to see. "Don't tell her anything!" Emmett growled and I smacked him, laughing again. "Relax," Jasper soothed. "We Cullens have our own version. Just a few mountain lions, a couple of grizzly bea rs. Pretty much an ordinary night out." "Thanks Jasper." He came to stand by me and put his arm over my shoulder as we prepared to leave. All I wanted to do was to climb back in that window and lay with my beautiful bride-to-be in my arms. You're so whipped! Emmett thought, staring at me. I growled and his grin widened and then he ran into the forest as I took a stop towards him. I decided that I would take a page from Bella's book. I knew that my brothers really wanted to sh are this time with me. Emmett and Rosalie and Jasper and Alice had already been married several times, which meant several bachelor parties for each of them. Th is was my first and I knew that they had come to believe that I would never meet someone, would never fall in love. This bachelor party was as much for them as it was for me. "Seattle?" I asked as we ran through the woods. Wherever we can f ind you some nice, mean mountain lions, bro. Emmett thought somewhere to my righ t. We ran in silence for a but. My mind was on what would happen tomorrow. When I could turn to Bella and know that she was no longer Isabella Swan, but Isabell a Cullen. The thought filled me with joy and my thoughts drifted to our wedding night. Bella had made one provision for us to get married; she played on my want ing her to experience everything human. There was only one thing she wanted to e xperience while she was still human. She wanted for us to make love and I had ag reed, anything to make her my wife. Emotions flooded through me, terror at the p ossibility of hurting her, neverousness because neither one of us had experience in that particular department and of course pure longing and lust to be with Be lla in the most primal of acts. "Don't worry Edward". Jasper had said, feeling m y emotions rolling off me in waves. Everything will be fine. I'm still surprised you managed to hold out this long; she is very obviously ready for the two of y ou to seal the deal, as it were. "Yeah, do you know how much money I lost?" Emme tt grumped. "It's your own fault for betting again Alice." Jasper interjected. " I honestly, am not sure at times either. I thought it was bad when I only wanted her blood, but this longing, this desire was almost too much. I can't tell you how many times I almost came to giving in." "Well, why didn't you? Maybe I could have recouped some of my losses." Emmett pressed. I knew it would be difficult for him to understand. Rosalie was no human and he didn't need to hide his desir es from her. I thought for a moment, trying to put in words he might understand. "Would you allow someone to destroy Rosalie? Would you let someone pull her lim b from limb and burn the pieces?

"Hell, no!" He growled, more fierce than usual, more so than I had heard him in a very long time. "Now, imagine if that someone was you, you were ripping Rose l imb from limb, simply because you lost control. Could you ever forgive yourself for that? That's what it would feel like for me. If I lost control I could break her beyond repair. I still hope to keep her human as long as possible." Emmett pondered a moment "I see your point. You are stronger than I, brother." As I con sidered what it might be like for me to be with Bella in every manner of the wor d, I looked at both my brothers. A new emotion flooded me as a question formed i n my mind. "Don't be embarrassed, Edward. What is your question?" Sometimes Jasp er's gift was a blessing and curse. "Well, I was wondering," I started to say as I stopped to lean on a large boulder looking at the ground. Jasper and Emmett h ad stopped and double backed at my abrupt stop. "What it's like. What it will fe el like when we do, you know, make love for the first time." There was no way to hide my embarrassment. It was true that I didn't blush that spectacular color t hat Bella did, but my grimaced as I said the words. Emmett barked a laugh so lou d it scared some birds from a near by tree. "There's nothing in the world like i t. It's a burning, a fire from within you. It needs to escape and there's only o ne way to get rid of it." Emmett said and then pondered a moment," Well there is more than one way, but only one method." He barked his laugh again. "It's loosi ng yourself in the one you're with. Everything is heightened. It's the pleasure and the pain. It's a pain like no other." Jasper added. "How can I loose myself when she's still human? What if I hurt her? How do I show her pleasure and still hold back enough that I don't hurt her?" "You just will, man. It's just somethi ng you have to do. You can't plan it. I know it isn't helpful, but this is what Bella wants and you seem to be in the habit of giving her what she wants." Emmet t said smiling. "My suggestion is to enjoy your pleasure, allow yourself to feel it and enjoy it, but focus your pleasure onto Bella. Make her feel what you are feeling. Listen to her. She will let you know when you aren't doing something r ight and of course, when you are doing it just right. He smiled at me as Emmett clapped me on the back. "Your worry too much, bro." His grin wide. His head sudd enly jerked from my face to somewhere to the left of us. "Dinner time!" He said flashing his razor sharp teeth. I smelled it too. Three mountain lions were stal king to our left, just a perfect number although unusual to find so many togethe r, I took it as a gift. The Hunt was on and I allowed my mind to stray to the mo untain lions, tomorrow night would be easier if I was well feed. And well fed I was. Chapter 3 Big Day It was a long night. Although I had plenty of fun with my brot hers, Emmett always made a game of

hunting, I had my fill of grizzly bears and mountain lions and deer, oh my! I ha d more than I should have, but I figured better to over-do than to under-do cons idering what Bella expected of me after our wedding. There wasn't much for me to do once I had my fill to eat. I wandered around my house for a while taking in some of the preparations that had already been put in place. I looked for someth ing to do, so I found Alice hanging some lights in the trees and decided to give her a hand, keep myself semi-busy. I went over all our luggage, to make sure no thing had been forgotten. Even though Bella hates surprises I begged her to allo w me this one little thing, and allow me to surprise her with our honeymoon dest ination. I knew this was difficult for her, but Alice was very happy because she got to pack and shop for everything for Bella. Shopping was Alice's favorite th ing to do so Bella agreed only to make Alice happy, on the plus side she now had a whole new wardrobe without having to do any of the work. It was fairly early in the morning when got shooed away by Alice who said I needed to leave because she was going to pick up Bella. "But I want to see her," I whined. An entire eve ning away from her was an awful thing, that would, thankfully, never have to hap pen again. "Nope, remember the human tradition. Can't see the bride before the w edding." Alice said as she recited the periodic tables and then all the zip code s in the continental United States (she must be bored at night, I thought). I kn ew she was trying anything to keep her thoughts away from Bella's dress. "Where am I supposed to go?" Perfect timing as usual, my brothers and Carlisle swept in to the room. "Come, Edward. I know it isn't the most exciting place to be before your wedding, but there are patients I need to check on at the hospital." Carli sle turned and headed to the door. I knew I had no choice so I followed. Spendin g time with my father wouldn't be so bad anyway. When we were in the car and on our way I heard him ask wordlessly; How are you doing, son? "I'm wonderful, well with the wedding part anyway." And, is there another part that you are not to w onderful with? He asked in my head again. "Well, you know Bella wants to experie nce human things before she becomes one of us, there is one thing she wants to e xperience about all others. I would prefer until after I changed her to experien ce it, but she insists that we make love tonight when we reach out honeymoon. I know we have discussed the ramifications of this long ago, but I can't seem to d elay it any longer. I'm afraid I'll loose control and I'll hurt her." Well, Edwa rd. I must say how proud I am at your resolve, you lasted a lot longer than anyo ne would have ever dreamt possible. He thought for a moment, formulating his nex t thoughts, which at the moment jumbled in my head. Do you remember when James h ad bitten her and you needed to suck the wound of all it's venom? "How could I e ver forget?" The memory was still awful, still haunted me, seeing my Bella layin g broken, screaming in pain and begging for me. Well you found the fill to stop, to make Bella better. I know you will find the will to keep her safe and be car eful with her, while still...enjoying yourself.

"What if I do loose control and I do hurt her, or worse...?" The words were heav y on me as I said them, my greatest fear. You have medical training, Edward. If she is injured you will know enough to help her and keep her comfortable until y ou can get her to a hospital. It she is more than injured, then you will call me immediately and we will go from there. But, Edward, listen to me now. You will not kill her; your love for her is too strong. I knew he was right and there was nothing more to say. I thought it over until I felt Carlisle slapping me on the shoulder. Cheer up! You're getting married today! You look like someone died. T his is a happy, a joyous day, Edward! He was right, of course. My wedding day. B ella was going to be my wife in just a few short hours, although the minutes see med to be passing at a snails pace. I got ready in Carlisle's office at the hosp ital while he checked on patients. It was all I could do to stay there instead o f going to the door and starting to run home. This waiting was surely going to k ill me. I carefully, so as not to wrinkle pants, sat down in Carlisle's chair. I looked across the desk at my suit jacket. All I wanted to do was pull it on and go make Bella my wife. I wondered briefly if my linen suit and crisp, high whit e collared shirt, with my taupe colored ascot would match what Bella was wearing . I did look very old fashioned, almost like someone out of Anne of Green Gables . Hopefully Bella would approve. Alice had obviously though my attire met the st andard as she didn't make me change it. Just when I was getting my antsiest I he ard Carlisle's thoughts, he knew I could hear him; Alright, son. Let's get going . I heard him think as he strode through the door. I don't know where or when, b ut he had found the time and he had already changed into his dark suit. We waite d a couple of miles from the house as we were instructed by Alice who had the ob session to keep people's thoughts of Bella away from me. She didn't want to spoi l the surprise for me of seeing her coming to me, or for her to see my face the first time I saw her coming down the aisle. We waited in silence and finally got Alice's phone call. "Okay, the minister is ready and Bella is getting anxious. It's time, whenever you're ready." "GO!" I growled at Carlisle who was driver's seat. Hearing that Bella was anxious was all the motivation I needed. Actually, I didn't need any motivation. The only reason we weren't married right now was b ecause Bella wanted to do this right. Carlisle wasted no time and put the accele rator to the floor. We were in the driveway in two minutes, tops. I walked quick ly though the garage door (I didn't want to take the risk and been seen in all m y diamond shimmering glory), grudgingly I slowed to a human pace to go and stand by the minister, who happened to be the father of Bella's friend, Angela. I nod ded and smiled at him, then turned to look at our guests. Rosalie was playing Pa chelbel's Canon. I knew it wouldn't be long now and I glanced over and saw Jaspe r, knowing it must be difficult for him with all the humans in the room and it m ust have been filled to the brim with emotions. I hope he was able to work a lit tle of his magic to calm Bella. She must be a wreak, I thought. She didn't like to be the center of attention and she certainly

didn't adore the idea of marriage. I looked beside me to see my father smiling; I followed his gaze and saw my mother. She was smiling as well, but I knew if it had been possible, she would have been crying. She was so happy that I had fina lly found someone to spend the rest of my life with and it helped that she adore d Bella. The traditional wedding march started and I could hear Charlie; One foo t in front of the other, not too fast. Not too fast, one foot in front of the ot her. He thought his mantra over and over again. I knew that they were on the sta irs and Charlie was holding Bella tightly so she wouldn't fall. I waited as she got nearer so that I would be able to see her. Everyone had done a wonderful job of keeping what she looked like from me. And then I saw her. She was beautiful, not more than beautiful. She was exquisite, although that still didn't seem a s trong enough word. Bella's hair was up, braided intricately, a long veil flowed behind her. I didn't need to worry about my attire one bit, we coordinated perfe ctly. She wore a long, white satin and lace dress, circa 1918 with a slight mode rn twist, Alice's influence no doubt. She looked radiant. I smiled in the knowle dge that she had chosen me and in a few short moments she would be all mine, for forever. She looked at me and looked like she wanted to drop her bouquet, hike up her dress, kick off her shoes and run to me, if not for Charlie holding her a rm tightly, she probably would have. The time seemed incredibly slow and I held my hand for her as they reached me. Charlie held her hand a moment, almost reluc tant to let go, but then placed it in mine. I touched the warm miracle that was her hand and I was home. We decided to keep our vows short and simple; nervous a s Bella was it was best to limit the amount she had to say. We did however, make one revision and asked the minister to switch out the traditional "til death do us part" for the much more appropriate "as long as we both shall live", which m ade much more sense since, after I changed her, we would both live forever. I wa s over the moon and it looked like Bella was doing well, not as horrified as I w ould have guessed she would been at the gravity of the words. And then she start ed to cry, but they weren't tears of fear or sadness, they were tears of joy. "I do," She chocked through the words I wanted to hear for so long. "I do," I vowe d triumphantly. She was finally mine and I was hers. The minister declared up hu sband and wife. I reached to her face, cradling it gently as if she were the mos t delicate of flowers. I knew that if I had been able, tears would have flooded my eyes as I stared in my beautiful new wife dark chocolate brown ones. I tilted my head slowly down to Bella for our first kiss as husband and wife. I tried to kiss her softly, tenderly, but Bella, being Bella, stretched on her tip toes an d threw her arms along with her bouquet, around my neck. She kissed me so passio nately I hated to end it, but there were still people in the room. She clung to me and I had to restrain her face and pull back. I smiled at her, amused. The jo y I felt was mimicked upon Bella's face. Our guests erupted into a long, loud ap plause and Bella's mother's arms soon enveloped her as she was unwillingly torn from me. And then she was passed along to everyone and received hugs, while I he ld her hand and got the congratulatory claps on the back. And then it finally hi t me, we were married.

Chapter 4 Gesture Thanks to Alice and her wonderful planning skills our ceremony ended as the sun set and it was a spectacular August evening, The tress glimmer ed with lights and the tent stood just a short distance from the house. I took B ella from the crowd and outside, desperate to have just a moment with my incredi ble new wife. I didn't get the chance to savor my moment long, one of the mutts interrupted us. "Congrats guys," Seth said. I had fought along side him only wee ks ago. He was accompanied by his mother and Billy Black, the father of my least favorite mutt, Jacob Black. These people were the ones I least looked forward t o seeing, with the exception of Seth who was a good kid. I knew they didn't like me much and quite honestly the feeling was more than mutual. But today, at leas t, Billy Black didn't seem to hate me so much. I knew his thoughts and he was gr ateful, happy even. He knew of my surprise for Bella and he only wished my plans worked out, well, for this wedding present anyway. I frowned when I heard his t hought. Stealing her life, should be ashamed of himself. "It's good to see thing s work out for you, man." Seth said to me. "I'm happy for you." "Thank you, Seth . That means a lot to me." I said hugging him. I turned to Billy and Sue, "Thank you, as well. For letting Seth come. For supporting Bella today." I said gracio usly. "You're welcome." Billy said perhaps not friendly but certainly optimistic ally. A line was growing so they gave us hugs again and stepped a side. Bella's friend's Angela and Ben were next in line to congratulate us. I was pleased to s ee them; Angela had always been such a good friend to Bella, much more than Jess ica and Mike who were next along with Jessica's parents. I was pleased to see my cousins The Denalis were sauntering up to us. I felt Bella tense beside me and realized she must have guessed which one of them was Tanya. She had always been a little jealous of Tanya who always had somewhat of a thing for me if only beca use I was the one she couldn't have, the only one who had ever refused her. I wa s the conquest she could never conquer. Tanya came to me and we embraced. She he ld me a little longer than was necessary and I saw Bella's brow furrow slightly. "Ah, Edward," Tanya said. "I've missed you." She said still held me; I pulled b ack and placed my hand on her shoulder. "It's been too long, Tanya. You look wel l." "So do you." "Let me introduce you to my wife," Oh, how I loved the sound of that! I wanted to shout it from the rooftops. "This is my Bella." "Welcome to t he family, Bella." Tanya smiled taking Bella's hands in hers. "We consider ourse lves Carlisle's extended family and I am sorry about the, err, recent incident w hen we did not behave as such. We should have met sooner. Can you forgive us? "O f course," Bella said nervously. I knew that Tanya could be very intimidating. " It's nice to meet

you." I introduced her to Kate, Carmen and Elezar who call stood slightly behind Tanya, waiting their turn. They all welcomed her graciously and moved along as to allow the other to have their turns with us. "We'll get to know each other la ter. We'll have eons of time for that!" Tanya promised with a laugh. We observed all the human traditions of photographs and cake cutting and Bella was even sur prised when we took turns feeding cake to each other, that I managed to eat my p iece with no trouble. I guess, she had forgotten that piece of pizza I had eaten when we first met. Bella threw the bouquet and Angela caught it with a panicked Ben looking on. Great, now I'm going to have to hear about this from everyone f or a very long time! He grumped inside my head. Then it was time for my favorite part; the Garter toss. I placed Bella on a chair and whispered for her to behav e herself. I walked over to Emmett, handed him my jacket and rolled up my sleeve s like I was preparing to go fishing. As the music started "Fever", the more mod ern Michael Buble version, I sauntered over to Bella slowly, seductively. She st arted to blush almost instantly. I heard Charlie inside my head; Can't watch thi s. Still my daughter and then he entered the house. I couldn't contain a smirk a s I looked directly into her eyes. As I got nearer to her, her heart raced and h er breaths were quick and shallow. I bent before her to kneel on the ground and I took her hands in mine. I kissed them both and placed them in her lap. Slowly, carefully I raised her skirt slightly and disappeared beneath it. I placed one hand on the ground and the other on her ankle. Slowly, but not too slowly, (I ha d to continuously remind myself that this was not our honeymoon and there were g uests watching us) I kissed up her leg until I found her garter. I didn't want t o stop my kisses but I knew Bella would be fighting for control and she must be blushing furiously by now. I heard Emmett and Jasper hooting and hollering somew here behind me. I grabbed the garter very carefully with my teeth and slid it do wn her leg to her ankle. I retrieved it with my hand and resurfaced. I saw Bella 's embarrassment and longing reflected in her eyes. I kissed her on her cheek, w inked and then shot it direction at Mike Newton. Then it was time for our first dance. I had thought long and hard about what our first dance should be and it s eemed most fitting to choose the song we had first danced to when we went to the prom the year we met, "Flightless Bird." It was out first dance as a couple and now it was our first dance as husband and wife. I pulled Bella to me, holding h er close as we glided under the lights and moonless sky. I concentrated on only her as the flash bulbs went off around us, taking mementos of this day for Bella . We knew that her human memory would fade slightly after I changed her. I wante d to make sure she would remember this moment for the rest of eternity. "Enjoyin g the party, Mrs. Cullen?" I whispered as I nuzzled her ear. She laughed. "That will take come getting used to." "We have a while," I reminded her and I leaned in to kiss her while I twirled her around the dance floor. The music changed to "Butterfly Kisses" and Charlie tapped me on the shoulder. It was time for the fa ther daughter dance. I kissed Bella again and went to take my mother's hand to d ance with her. She played with a strand of my hair that was out of place and put her hand on my check, smiling and me. "Oh, Edward. That was beautiful. I am so happy you have finally found someone and we

couldn't be happy that it happens to be Bella. I really do love her like she was my own." "Thank you, Esme. I know she loves you just the same. I know this has been difficult on all of you. I do appreciate all your love and patience with me , with us." She rested her head on my shoulder. After that song Bella was passed to someone else and Carlisle came to steal Esme from me, so I found Alice and w hirled her into my arms. "Alice you did a wonderful job. Everything is perfect a nd Bella seems like she is having a great time. Thank you for this, and for doin g it all with such a short time limit." "Oh, Edward, "She smiled."You're silly! I didn't have limited time. I've been planning this from the moment I saw you wi th her, true I did get side tracked with the unpleasantness of last year but as soon as we got you back from Italy I knew it was sonly a matter of time. It wasn 't easy to keep that from you though." I kissed her on the cheek and saw Bella g et passed to Mike Newton. So beautiful, he totally doesn't deserve her. Man, if she was mine I would totally rock her world. I'd heard enough of Mike, so I walk ed over to cut in and reclaim my wife. "Still not that fond of Mike, eh?" She jo ked as I whirled her as far away from him as I could manage. "Not when I have to listen to his thoughts. He's lucky I didn't kick him out. Or worse." "Yeah, rig ht." She said rolling her eyes. "Have you had a chance to look at yourself?" "Um m, no I guess not. Why?" "Then I suppose you don't realize how utterly, heartbre akingly beautiful you are tonight. I'm not surprised Mike's having difficulty wi th improper thoughts about a married woman. I am disappointed that Alice didn't make sure you were forced to look in a mirror." She still took my breath away wh en I glanced at her. "You are very biased, you know." I sighed and saw the glass of the window; I spun her so she could see herself. I pointed. "Biased, am I?" I watch as her eyebrows rose appraising herself, she looked surprised. Then I he ard a familiar voice that I had been expecting, but not wanting, to hear. I'm he re bloodsucker. Let's get this show on the road. I stiffened at the sound of his voice. "Oh!" I said, now it was my brow that had furrowed. When I noticed Bella eyeing me I smoothed my expression. "What is it?" She asked. "A surprise weddin g gift." I had asked Seth to ask Jacob, while in wolf form of course as Jacob ha d run off after Bella had picked me, to please come and see Bella. I knew she wo uld appreciate seeing him. "Huh?" I didn't answer. I pulled her into my arms and continued our dancing. I started spinning her away from the lights to the edge of the dance floor and toward the forest.

"Thanks you," I said into the blackness. "This was very...kind of you." Whatever bloodsucker, I'm here for her, not you. Jacob thought but said instead "Kind is my middle name. Can I cut it? "Jacob!" Bella choked. "Jacob!" I understood her excitement and although I knew she was my wife, that she had chosen me, I still felt a twinge of jealousy in the pit of my stomach. "Hey there Bells." Bella stu mbled into the darkness and I followed keeping my hand on her elbow until Jacob had her and enveloped her into a close, tight hug. There was that jealousy thing again. "Rosalie will never forgive me if she doesn't get her official turn on t he dance floor." I murmured trying to keep the hurt from my voice. See ya bloods ucker. Jacob thought as I turned and walked away. I was going to give them their space but I would not go far and I would be monitoring their conversation. I di d see Rosalie and beckoned her to me. She glided to me in her scintillating way. "Congratulations, Edward, it really is about time you found someone. Too bad it 's human." She joked, flipping her hair as she spoke. "Thank you Rose. I never k new this kind of happiness existed. I see what you and Emmett have now. She smil ed and leaned her head against my shoulder. "I don't mean to be a bitch, Edward. I know we have never been close, but I do love you and I'm glad you are finally happy. And I guess Bella isn't that bad. I mean you could have fallen for that Jessica girl." I laughed and kissed her forehead. "I love you too, Rose." We wer e silent as we twirled. I listened to Jacob and Bella's conversation of how he w as doing. I must admit I hated the idea of asking the mutt for any favors, but h e had kept her safe when I wasn't able, so I did need to give him credit for tha t, if nothing else." My mind strayed to how beautiful Bella looked tonight. I kn ew that even had I not made out deal to make love to her, my resolve would have been broken. Not only was I filled with love and adoration for her, she looked u nbelievable tonight. She was always beautiful but this was more. I imagined when we were finally alone together, when the wedding was over and done and we were on our honeymoon. I imagined touching her warm skin, feeling her soft lips on my hard ones, hearing her breathe as I caressed her. Then I was suddenly ripped fr om my reverie. "Ow, Jake! Let go!" Bella had cried. He was shaking her, he was b eyond angry. His vile, angry thought flooded my mind. He was imagining me on top of Bella and she was writhing in pain beneath me, begging me to stop while I co ntinued on with my assault. I threw Rose aside and ran as fast as I could withou t arousing suspicions. "Bella! Have you lost your mind? You can't be that stupid ! Tell me you're joking." He was screaming at her, if the music hadn't been so l oud everyone would probably have heard. "Jake stop!" Seth shouted.

"Take your hands off her!" I commanded. Behind Jacob there were snarls. He had b rought backup of course. I should have brought my brothers. I never should have allowed this in the first place. "Jake, bro, back away." Seth urged. "You're loo sing it." But Jacob didn't move, he was just staring at Bella, deep into her eye s, silently pleading with her. "You'll hurt her. Let go." "Now!" I snarled, read y to pounce if he didn't release her. My resolve was weakening by the second and I hoped that Seth would be able to talk him down. Jacob finally let her go and I grabbed her and whisked her a few feet away, standing protectively in front of her. I knew the situation was volatile and I wanted to stand, to fight if neces sary but I had to think of Bella. I knew I would need to get her to safety, but what if they followed? That would break up the party pretty quick. "C'mon Jake. Let's go." Seth urged again. Jacob was looking at me, shaking with fury. "I'll k ill you! I'll kill you myself. I'll do it now!" And he was shaking more now and a big black wolf, Sam, was growling. "Seth, get out of the way." I hissed knowin g that if Jacob phased it would be very bad for him. Seth stayed firm. You filth y bloodsucker. You will hurt her. I swear, if you hurt her I will kill you. And then he started thinking of everything he could do to inflict pain on me. "Don't do it, Jake. Walk away. C'mon." The other wolves joined Seth now in pushing Jac ob back. Then they disappeared into to black once more. "I'm sorry," Bella whisp ered after the last wolf. He stared at me and thought; you hurt her and you know we will be back for you. Don't forget that. I nodded once knowing all too well that they would, indeed be back. "It's alright now, Bella." I soothed. "Alright. " I said more to calm myself than to Bella. "Let's get back." I knew that people were going to wonder where we had gotten to. "But, Jake " She worried. "Sam has him in hand. He's gone." "Edward, I'm sorry. I was stupid " "You did nothing wron g " I tried to reassure her, but she was worked up. "I have such a big mouth! Why would I...I shouldn't have let him get to me like that. What was I thinking?" " Don't worry." I caressed her face, knowing my cool hand would begin to calm her. "We need to get back to the reception before someone notices our absence." "Giv e me two seconds." She pleaded after a moment. She started to smooth her dress a nd her hair. I knew she was panicking inside but all she cared about now was mak ing sure she panicked no one else. "My dress?" She looked surprisingly impeccabl e, considering the force with which the mutt was

shaking her. "You look fine. Not a hair out of place." She took some deep breath s and closed her eyes, steadying herself for our return. "Okay. Let's go." I hug ged her close to me, never wanting to let her go. I spun her back to the dance f loor. I noticed my brothers, of course they had known what was happening and the y had been waiting to see if I would need their assistance. I nodded once and th ey nodded back. Everything good, brother? Need us to go kick some ass? Emmett th ough hopefully. I smiled slightly to let them know it was all good and shook my head once to tell them to leave it alone. I looked at my bride. Her face looked slightly tense, but unscathed. "Are you " "I'm fine." She promised. "I can't beli eve I did that. What's wrong with me?" "Nothing is wrong with you." I kissed her forehead and brushed her cheek lightly with my fingertips. "It's over." She sai d. "Let's not think about it again tonight." Of course I heard her, but the doub ts had already started to creep up on me again. What if his vision of me, the mo nster, the attacker would come true? What if Bella begged me to stop and I ignor ed her for my own pleasure? "Edward?" Her soft voice brought me back from make w aking nightmare. I closed my eyes and touched my forehead to hers, too afraid to look into her eyes. "Jacob is right." I whispered. "What am I thinking?" "He is not." She said. "Jacob is way too prejudiced to see anything clearly." But she didn't know. She didn't see what he saw, what he showed me. "Should have let him kill me for even thinking..." I mumbled low enough that I didn't think she coul d hear me. She grabbed my face in her hands. "Stop it." She commanded and she wa ited for me to look at her. "You and me. That's the only thing that matters. The only thing you're allowed to think about. Do you hear me?" "Yes." I sighed. She was so beautiful, so convincing when she commanded things of me. "Forget Jacob came. For me. Promise me you'll let this go." That was a difficult request as it was all my fault that he had come in the first place. I stared into her beautif ul pleading eyes and there was no way I could refuse this. "I promise." "Thank y ou. Edward, I'm not afraid." "I am." I whispered as I nuzzled into her hair, at least it felt safe in here, surrounded by her scent, by the beating of her heart .

"Don't be." She took a deep breath and pulled slightly away from me so I could s ee her. She smiled and she looked radiant. "By the way, I love you." I smiled a half smile. "That's why we're here." "You're monopolizing the bride," Emmett sai d tapping me on the shoulder. "Let me dance with my little sister. This could be the last chance I get to make her blush." He barked his laugh and I reluctantly relinquished my hold on her. After Emmett was finished dancing with her she got passed around to someone else and Emmett come to stand by me, Jasper followed. What was that, bro? That was intense with the dogs. Emmett probed. I whispered s o low that no one but them could hear me. "He found out we were planning to have a real honeymoon. It was awful, his thoughts were so vile. He saw me attacking her. He saw her beneath me, calling for me to stop and I ignored her." He isn't Alice. It's his own sick, twisted mind. It isn't the future. Jasper thought. "Wh at if it is or something very much like it?" I never took my eyes from Bella. Sh e looked like she was having an easier time forgetting Jacob than I was. We've b een over this, Edward. Your love is too strong, especially to do something like that. Your love for her is simple too strong. "I hope you're right." At that mom ent I strode away from my brothers and walked to my wife. I came up from behind her and wrapped my arms around her waist. She placed her hands on my arms and le aned into me. I spun her around to face me and her face had pure joy reflected o n it. She smiled and leaned into me again, my arms automatically tightened aroun d her. "I could get used to this." She cooed. "Don't tell me you've gotten over your dancing issues?" "Dancing isn't so bad with you. But I was thinking more of this " and she pressed herself even closer against me. A small, involuntary gasp escaped my lips at our new closeness and her soft body couldn't get any closer to me. "Of never having to let you go." "Never," I promised. I leaned in and kis sed her intensely, letting her feel all of my joy over having her as my wife. "B ella, it's time to go." Alice called. I rolled my eyes as I was still kissing my bride. This was the sweetest, most tender and incredibly intense kiss we had sh ared to date. "Do you want to miss your plane? I'm sure you'll have a lovely hon eymoon camped out in the airport waiting for another flight." I turned my head s lightly just enough to murmur, "Go away, Alice," before I returned my lips back to Bella's. "Bella, do you want to wear that dress on the airplane?" She demande d. Neither of us was paying any attention to her, still making out on the dance floor. "I'll tell her where you're taking her, Edward. So help me I will." She g rowled...Okay that got my

attention. "You're awfully small to be so hugely irritating." I griped. "I didn' t pick the perfect going away ensemble to have it wasted." She snapped and took Bella's hand. "Come with me, Bella." Bella resisted Alice's tug, but we were rip ped apart anyway. I heard people chuckle at Bella's reluctance. Ahhh Newlyweds, most of them thought. My father was at my side almost immediately after Alice an d Bella reached the stairs. He put a hand on my shoulder. You will be fine, son. You can do this and everything will be wonderful. Rosalie, Emmett, Jasper and E sme were all suddenly at my side, hugging me and wishing us well. And then I saw her for the second time descending from that staircase. She looked nothing less than radiant and glowing. She worse a beautiful deep blue V neck dress and her hair had been freed of the braids and now cascaded down her back. I smiled and h eld out my hand for her as she reached the stairs; she took it but leaned away f rom me, searching. "Dad?" She asked. "Over here," I murmured. I took her to her father who leaning against a wall. Can't believe I'm loosing her. He better make her happy. He thought as I brought her to him, I noticed his eyes were red. "Oh , Dad!" She threw her arms around him while he patted her on the back. So beauti ful, my little girl is all grown up. Bella started to tear and Charlie said, "Th ere, now. You don't want to miss your plane." "I love you forever, Dad. Don't fo rget that." "You too Bells. Always have, always will." They kissed each other on the cheek. "Call me." "Soon." She promised. I knew this was difficult for her. She was saying goodbye to her father, not knowing if she would ever see him agai n. Depending on what happened, she may be a vampire by then and this would be th e last time she would ever see him. "Go on then. Don't want to be late." Take ca re of my baby. I pulled Bella close to me as our guests cleared to make a path f or us. We stopped on the doorstep. "Are you ready for this?" I asked? "I am." An d then I kissed her passionately. Everyone was applauding and throwing rice on o ur way to the Vanquish, my special occasion car and there was no occasion more s pecial than this. I tried to shield her from the rice; Emmett seemed to be takin g great joy at throwing especially hard at me.

I saw Bella's face as she watched her parents disappear from view. I squeezed he r hand and she looked at me. "I love you." I said. She leaned against my arm. "T hat's why we're here." She said, turning the tables on me. I knew we needed to b e fast to catch out plane. We'd left later than we should, but I was counting on the car to get us there with plenty of time to spare. Once we were on the highw ay I really opened her up, my foot almost to the floor. Could life be any sweete r than this? And then we heard a pained, devastated howl from behind us. I press ed my foot to the floor and the sound faded into the blackness and we were alone in the moonless night. Chapter 5 Isle Esme "Houston?" Bella said surprised. "Just a stop along the way, " I grinned. I knew she was worried about where I would take her for our honeymo on. I knew she didn't want to be sentenced to spending our entire honeymoon indo ors because I couldn't go outside, well maybe that's what she was hoping for act ually; never having to leave our room. Bella slept the whole way from Seattle to Houston and I watched her sleep. This, I knew, I would never tire of, watching her as dreamed. She looked like an angel and I hated to wake her when we arrive. I pulled her through the terminal to another gate so we could catch out connect ing flight. "Rio de Janeiro?" "Another stop," I promised. When we were on the pl ane again Bella had fallen right back asleep. The flight was long and I had all that time to worry about what would happen in the coming hours. Maybe she would be so tired from traveling so long that I could prolong it, put it off, just a l ittle longer. I gave up on that idea, knowing that Bella had slept so long and s o soundly there was no way that would happen. I imagined touching her face, star ing into her eyes. I imagined enveloping her into my arms and holding her as my lips met hers. I imagined touching her skin gently with my fingertips, my lips g liding from her mouth to brush lightly on her cheekbone and down to the nape of her neck. And then I imagined biting her. No, damn it! That wasn't going to happ en. And of course it wouldn't, I knew I would never let it, and could never do i t. Bella woke and took me from my thoughts. As I expected, she was wide awake an d unusually alert from just having slept for such a long period. There goes my h ope of her being too tired, I thought. I gathered our luggage and hailed a taxi. We drove, hand in hand in the back seat through Rio. I pointed out landmarks as we went. I knew Bella was confused as to where we were going. I had said that R io was only another stop. It became clearer to her as we arrived at a dock that we were, indeed, not yet done with our traveling.

I lead her down the dock with the luggage in tow and jumped in to put the bags d own. I bent down to help Bella to climb into the boat. I sat Bella in one of the luxurious leather seats as I prepared the boat for our departure. I continuousl y looked up to make sure she hadn't gone and fallen into the water or something. I would be just like Bella to find an accident which sitting absolutely still. I couldn't help but notice how beautiful she looked in the moonlight. It looked like she was glowing, emanating light from within her. Was it possible that she could be even more beautiful that she was just a few days ago? I knew Bella was full of nervous anticipation at where we were headed and I knew she would be rev iewing geography in her head, trying to figure it out and I knew she would never guess, she didn't even know this place existed. I stood in front of the wheel, feeling the wind in my hair, knowing that my life was perfect. I was finally alo ne with my Bella, my wife. "Are we going much further?" I knew she was hoping th at this boat was not the destination itself, as comfortable as it was it would n ot do to be cooped up here for a few weeks. "About another half hour." I glanced at her and grinned. I saw she was clutching the seat tightly. I always forgot t hat she didn't like speed like I did; guiltily I hoped that it would be differen t after I changed her. "Bella, look there." I called and pointed strait ahead. I didn't know if her human eyes could see the island that had appeared in front o f us. I could see the palm trees lightly swaying in the breeze, the moon illumin ating the silvery sand and a small view of a large estate thorough the palms. "W here are we?" "This is Isle Esme." I said turning to smile at her. I maneuvered the boat to the dock and cut the engine. What a still and quiet night. The only sounds were the water lapping gently at the boat and the sound of Bella's heartb eat. "Isle Esme? "A gift from Carlisle Esme offered to let us borrow it." I had hoped that Bella would like it, and that maybe she would like it so much so woul d let me buy something like this for her one day. It was quiet and private. No o ne could bother us here and we didn't need to hide. We could do whatever we want ed her, whenever we wanted and never be disturbed on the expansive island. I too k our luggage to the dock and returned for Bella. I knew she expected me to take her hand, but I smiled at her as I scooped her up into my arms, holding her fir mly to me. "Aren't you supposed to wait for the threshold?" She whispered a litt le breathless. I grinned again. "I'm nothing if not thorough." I said as I walke d into the darkness towards the house. I felt Bella's heart start to accelerate and I watched her face wondering what was frightening her. Could she be having s econd thoughts about making love tonight? I decided not to say anything just the n; I would wait to see what would happen. I set the suitcase down to unlock the door and waited. I wanted her to look at me, to know what I

loved her; she had nothing to fear, especially if she wanted to back out of our deal. When she did finally look at me I carried her over the threshold and throu gh the whole house, flipping on as many lights as I could find. I thought that m aybe if it was bright in here she could be somehow less scared. I stopped at the last room, afraid to take her through the door. I steadied myself and walked th rough the door, flipping on the very last light. It was our bedroom. Large and a iry, it had a long glass window and all white walls, of course. The moonlight il luminated the large king sized canopy bed, which was draped with soft looking mo squito netting. I put Bella on her feet. "I'll...go get the luggage." I walked s lowly, for me, down the stairs, thinking about what the evening may, or may not, hold for us. I reached the bags and grabbed them. I checked the thermostat on m y way up the stair, yup twenty-five degrees, a little warm I knew, but I was try ing to take every precaution I could think of. Returning upstairs, I found Bella near the bed. I walked to her and caressed the back of her warm neck with my co ol fingers. "It's a little hot here." I said apologetically, maybe turning on th e air conditioning would be a good idea, just for a bit. "I thought...that would be best." "Thorough," She murmured, looking around her surroundings. I chuckled and realized that it sounded strained and a little nervous. "I tried to think o f everything that would make this...easier." I confessed. She swallowed loudly f rom in front of me. Was this just the normal nerves or was she rally rethinking our deal? I decided that I would not back out, but if she told me 'no' or stoppe d me, I would be fine with that too. "I was wondering if," I started, trying to ease the situation," if...if maybe you would like to take a midnight swim with m e?" I took a deep breath to calm myself. It was a swim, nothing more than that, one step at a time. "The water will be very warm. This is the kind of beach you approve of." "Sounds nice." She said, he voice breaking slightly. "I'm sure you would like a human minute, or two...It was a long journey" She nodded and I brus hed my lips against her throat, just below her ear. I chuckled at her as she shi vered slightly, I doubt she even noticed, that her body had emanated. "Don't be too long Mrs. Cullen." She jumped at being called her new name. I brushed my lip s to her through again. "I'll meet you in the water." I strode past her to the d oors that led from our bedroom to the beach. I removed my shirt and let it fall to the floor just before I reached the doors. I didn't look back as I walked out into the warm, soft sand. The air was fresh and clear ad I made my way to the w aters edge, feeling all the anticipation that had been building in me. Although I knew Bella was nervous I knew that it was not second thoughts she was having. It was normal for human girls to be nervous about their first time being intimat e; apparently it was for teenage vampire males as well. I saw a tree nearby the water, a perfect spot for my remaining clothes. As I had already divested myself of my shirt, I removed my shoes and socks and placed them neatly at the base of the palm. I undid the zipper on my pants and slid them down, folding them and h anging them on the tree. As I reached for my boxers, a realization hit me. This would be the first time that I would see Bella naked and the first time she woul d see me, all of me. I got a sudden thrill and twinge of nerves at the same time . Well, this was it, I thought as I removed my last stitch of clothing, bare to the night. My feet touched the water and it felt soothing. I decided to dive rig ht it, hoping it might calm my

nerves. It was almost time to make good on my promise to her. I needed to be str ong, she would need me to reassure her, to calm her, it was hard to take on that role if i was not calm myself. I swam near the ocean floor for a time, checking every now and then to see if Bella had made her way to the beach. After a time I found my way to waist deep water, knowing Bella wouldn't be long now. I stood with my back to the house, to give her some privacy, if she wanted it. I placed my palms on top of the water, feeling it dance across them. Then, I heard her he art beat and I knew she was on the beach. I wanted to turn around, to drink in h er beautiful figure, but I restrained myself, knowing there would be plenty of t ime for that. I would wait until she came to me. "Beautiful," I heard her say of the moon. "It's all right," I said as I turned to her. She looked incredible in the moonlight. She stood before me; all I could see was her bare midriff, since her arms were draped across her to hide her breasts modestly. It gave me a thri ll of excitement to know that we were both without clothes and this close to eac h other. I held out a hand for her, waiting for her to unwrap one arm from her c hest so I could intertwine our fingers together. She carefully removed one arm f rom her chest and put her hand in mine and we held each others hand under the wa ter. I kept my eyes locked with hers so she could feel more comfortable, to know that I wasn't there to ogle just her body. "But, I wouldn't use the word, beaut iful. Not with you standing here in comparison." She smiled and finally removed the one arm that had been covering herself. She was completely uncovered now and I tried not to stare at her glorious body. She placed her free hand on my chest where my heard used to beat. I shuttered at her warm touch and her magnificence . "I promised we would try," I whispered, tense knowing the time was very close. "If...if I do something wrong, if I hurt you, you must tell me at once." "Don't be afraid," She murmured looking into my eyes and I could tell it was not fear I detected in her heartbeat anymore. It was excited, it was longing and I knew t hat this was going to happen, tonight, her second thoughts had disappeared. "We belong together." I wrapped my arms around her holding her to me. My body course d with electricity, something I'd felt in biology class while we watched that mo vie, so long ago. "Forever," I agreed and that was the last of our conversations for that evening. I decided right there and then my internal doubts were over, Bella wanted me and I wanted her. I was her husband and she was my wife and we l oved each other and that was all that mattered I pulled her close to me and look ed deep into her chocolate brown eyes, she looked happy and she looked ready. I put my hand on her chest to feel her heart beating. I closed my eyes for a momen t wanting to savor the feel of her heart under my hand. I bent my face to her sl owly and gently touched my lips to hers. She moved herself closer into me and I gasped at the feeling of her breasts pressed so hard into me. The fire started t o burn hotter then. "Bella," I moaned and she threw her arms around my neck as I grabbed around her waist. My hand found its way to her face. I brushed her chee k with my fingers. She shivered slightly, but I knew she wasn't cold. My hand tr aveled to her hair and stroked the long stands. My lips found hers and then her cheek and then her ear. I nibbled ever so gently, so as not to break the skin. M y lips made their way down her neck, leaving a trail of kisses, to her collar bo ne. I kissed and caressed and she moaned, wrapping both her hands in my hair.

I could feel my urgency growing for her, burning from within me. Bella threw her head back in delight as I hoisted her up with her legs on either side of my hip s. She pushed herself closer to lick and suck my earlobe. It drove me wild. Who knew this kind of pleasure existed? I pulled back from her slightly to look into her eyes. "Are you ready for take this inside, Mrs. Cullen?" I asked. She stare d directly into my eyes and I could see all the urgency that I felt for her refl ected back at me. We kissed all the way back to our room, the fire seemed to gro w stronger with every step I took. I knew that there was giant bed awaiting us o n the other side of those doors. I held Bella on her small round buttocks with o ne hand while opening the door with the other. I don't even know if she noticed that we were inside until I slowly laid her on the soft, white bedcovers. I stoo d for a moment to look at her, to finally allow myself to drink her body in. She looked so innocent just laying there, waiting for me to join her. She was magni ficent. The moonlight danced across her sweet face, illuminating her wonderfully luscious breasts with their perfect nipples, her flat stomach and her long legs , she was not a tall girl but as she lay her like this, they seemed to go on for miles. She rolled onto her elbow to look at me. "Edward? Is there something wro ng?" "No, my love, nothing is wrong. I just wanted to look at you." I said climb ing slowly onto the bed next to her. "You're beautiful, truly incredible. I don' t know how I got so lucky." I didn't wait for a reply, she was blushing and I ha d to kiss her then, it was like her body was calling to me and I could resist no longer. I started at her lips and trailed down her neck until I found those bea utiful breasts of hers. I grabbed one in my hand and kneaded it slowly while I g uided her other one into my mouth and started to roll her nipple around with my tongue, slowly licking and sucking. She groaned and I stiffened, afraid I had hu rt her. I looked at her face but it was not a face of pain, but of pure pleasure . Maybe pleasing her would not be so difficult after all, I thought. She reached down and put her hand in my hair, the only part of me that she could easily rea ch. With one hand still on her breast, I continued my trail of kisses downward. Pausing on her perfect stomach my tongue traced her belly button and she squirme d. I looked down and saw her legs were pressed together. I slowly reached my fre e hand down allowing my fingertips to trail down her side, contouring the shape of her breasts, down her waist and over her hips and between her legs, when she felt me there she parted them a little too willingly, someone was getting impati ent, I thought. I placed myself between her open legs, and knelt above her. She opened her eyes and looked at me, she was simply angelic. I bent, balancing my h ands on either side of her head to kiss her lips. She caught my face in both her hands and kissed me more passionately than she ever had. I pulled away and she looked puzzled. "Not yet, my love, I haven't finished playing yet." I said as I touched her face, letting my hands trail down her check, her neck, between her b eautiful breasts and down her stomach. As my hands reached her waist I shimmed d own to position myself and placed my hands on either side of her hips. From her belly button my lips traveled down and found first her left thigh, then her righ t, licking and softly sucking as I went. Then, the smell nearly drove me from my mind. Her sweet scent was so strong and lovely, I knew I had to have it. My lip s found her core. I stuck out my tongue, gently touching it to her and she

moaned, her back arching. I did it again and again in more rapid succession, dig ging my fingers into her hips, holding her to me. I could hear her heart speedin g up, it was so fast, I didn't know how it could be beating so fast, the sound w as seductive, enticing. I could feel her heat and her urgency flowing through me as her moans became louder and more prolonged. Finally she bucked her hips agai nst me and called my name. I slowed my tongue and when her panting and heat beat returned to normal I reluctantly left my new favorite spot and returned to Bell a's face, figuring she might like a kiss and some time to come down from her hig h. Oh how wrong I was. I looked down at her blushed body and marveled that she d idn't just blush on her face, but all over her body as well. I brought my face t o hers and she grabbed it, pulling me to her. She kissed me so deeply I was take n by surprise. I felt myself go stiff as she trailed one hand from my face down to my chest, and downward, groping, trying to put me inside her. I pulled away s lightly, shocked. She looked at me with her big brown eyes, pleading. "Please, E dward. I'm ready, I need you." And that was all I needed to hear. Slowly I lower ed myself to her. I paused at her opening, not sure of my speed, she looked at m e obligingly and raised her hips to meet me. Slowly I entered her only slightly and the fire inside me was heaven. I heard Bella gasp and I froze. Had I already hurt her? My mind was racing and I looked at her face. "Bella?" I asked urgentl y. "Have I hurt ". "No, no, Edward. It's fine. It's just, the first time. We will need to go slow, I think." I kissed her lips, but didn't move, didn't breathe. "It's okay, Edward, don't stop." With that I inched into her again and I could t ell she was trying not to cry out, but I could also tell she wanted me to contin ue. I continued to enter her slowly, inch by inch. I could smell it now, there w as a little blood, but it wasn't bad. The blood didn't even phase me; it was the scent of her urgency that was affecting me now. I was fully inside her when she finally spoke. "I think we're fine now, Edward, it hardly even hurts. Really." She put her hand encouragingly on my face and kissed my nose. I began to thrust in and out of her. The fire was beginning to grow within me now. I was almost fu lly engulfed when I heard Bella's moan of pleasure from beneath me and I nearly lost control. I felt the strongest urge to bite something, I couldn't control it . I collapsed on top of her, still thrusting and bit the first thing I could fin d. As my teeth sunk into, whatever it was, a pillow possibly, I heard Bella moan louder and growl my name seductively and that sent me over the edge and we both lay there, shaking and panting, together. I remember kissing Bella and her murm uring it was wonderful and she loved me. She fell asleep, exhausted from our nig ht together. But everything about that is very blurry. It was about two in the m orning when I noticed the first bruise start to appear on her skin. I wasn't wor ried. She seemed fine, happy. It wasn't until I noticed the third, fourth and fi fth bruise that I really started to get concerned. I knew this was a bad idea. I wanted to wake her, to see how badly I had hurt her. But, what if her slumber w as just an act? A ruse before she could run away from me screaming. She sounded asleep and she looked asleep, but who knew. Maybe she was too terrified of me an d pretended. Would she hate me in the morning?

I sat there all night watching more and more bruises appear on her beautiful ski n. I had done this to her. I was the monster that I so feared. I vowed that is b y some miracle she woke up and didn't run from me I would never inflict this on her again. I only hoped I didn't break anything. I looked for the source of what I had bitten, and I was right. It was two pillows and now not only was Bella co vered in bruises but we were both covered in down feathers. As Bella slept I tri ed to pull feathers from her hair, but every time I touched her to remove one sh e would stir. I didn't want to wake her if she really was asleep. I wanted to pr olong the inevitable for as long as possible. I loved her so much; I dreaded whe n she would wake up and discover what I had done. It was late morning before Bel la finally awoke. I knew she had awoken, but she didn't open her eyes. I was afr aid my nightmare was about to come true. I gently trailed my fingers up and down her spine, wondering when the screaming would begin. Her arms suddenly tightene d around my neck and I heard her giggle. "What's funny?" I murmured, still trail ing my fingers on her back. I felt her blush against my chest and then I heard h er stomach growl. Great now I'd hurt her and I was starving her. What the hell k ind of husband was I? "You can't escape being human for very long." She giggled again but I said nothing, did nothing. I just waited, enjoying her company befor e she realized what kind of monster I really was. "Edward," She choked, suddenly sullen. "What is it? What's wrong?" "You have to ask?" Could she really not fee l what I'd done to her? The bruises must be painful. What if I had broken a bone , she would surely feel that. I saw lines of worry appear on her forehead and I soothed them with my finger. "What are you thinking?" I asked afraid of what her answer might be. "You're upset. I don't understand. Did I...?" her voice caught . "How badly are you hurt, Bella? The truth don't try to downplay it." "Hurt?" s he asked, seemingly confused. I felt her stretch all of her muscles and flex, su rveying her own damage. Her voice was angry when she spoke again. "Why would you jump to that conclusion? I've never been better than I am now." I closed my eye s and took a calming breath. "Stop that." "Stop what?" "Stop acting like I'm not a monster for having agreed to this." "Edward!" She cried and I heard tears wel ling up in her. "Don't ever say that!" I kept my eyes closed; I didn't want to s ee the look on her face when she finally saw what I had done to her. "Look at yo urself Bella. Then tell me I'm not a monster." There was a moment and then she g asped. This was it; this is the moment she would leave me. "Why am I covered in feathers?" Confusion gripping her voice, but so far no fear.

I exhaled. "I bit a pillow...or two. That's not what I'm talking about." "You bi t a pillow? Why?" "Look, Bella!" I snarled and took her hand gently, stretching her arm in front of her. "Look at that!" "Oh," She said, realization washing ove r her. "I'm...so sorry, Bella." I whispered. "I knew better than this. I should not have ", I growled, angry with myself. "I am more sorry than I can tell you." I threw my arm over my eyes, too ashamed to have her see me. She touched my arm, wrapping her fingers around my wrist, trying to get me to look at her but I did n't budge. "Edward," She waited, but I was still motionless. "Edward?" She said again. "I'm not sorry, Edward. I'm...I can't even tell you. I'm so happy. That d oesn't cover it. Don't be angry. Don't I'm really f " "Don't say the word fine." I said icily. Here I was a monster and she was apologizing, after I hurt her, tr ying to make me feel better for what I had done. "If you value my sanity, do not say that you are fine." "But I am." She whispered "Bella," I groaned. "Don't." "No. You don't, Edward." I could tell she was really angry now. I removed my arm to look into her eyes. "Don't ruin this," she said. "I. Am. Happy." "I've alrea dy ruined this." I heard my voice as it caught in my throat. "Cut it out," she s napped and I grinded my teeth together chewing back my retort. "Ugh!" She huffed . "Why can't you just read my mind already? It's so inconvenient to be a mental mute!" My eyes widened in surprise. "That's a new one. You love that I can't rea d your mind." "Not today." I stared at her. Would I ever be able to understand t he way her mind worked? "Why?" "Because all this angst would be completely unnec essary if you could see how I feel right now! Or five minutes ago, anyway. I was perfectly happy. Totally and completely blissed out. Now- well, I'm sort of pis sed actually. "You should be angry at me." "Well, I am. Does that make you feel better?" I sighed; she knew that it wouldn't make me happy to know that she was mad, mad at me no less. "No, I don't think anything could make me feel better no w." "That!" She snapped. "That right there is why I'm angry. You're killing my b uzz, Edward."

She took a deep breath and tried to soothe me. "We knew this was going to be tri cky. I thought that was assumed. And then well, it was a lot easier than I thoug ht it would be. And this is really nothing." She said brushing her bruised arm w ith her delicate fingers. "I think for a first time, not knowing what to expect, we did amazing. With a little practice " she broke off as she took in my express ion. I was angry, no, more than angry, livid. She'd assumed I would hurt her and she still did it anyway. "Assumed? Did you expect this Bella? Were you anticipa ting that I would hurt you? Were you thinking it would be worse? Do you consider it a success because you can walk away from it? No broken bones that equals a v ictory?" She didn't speak for what seemed like an eternity, probably waiting for me to calm down. "I didn't know what to expect but I definitely didn't not expe ct how...how... just wonderful and perfect it was." Her voice fell to a dull whi sper and she took her eyes away from mine and looked at her hands as she fidgete d. "I mean, I don't know how it was for you, but it was like that for me." And t hen her eyes started to well with tears, again. Oh God was there no end to my to rture of her. First I hurt her, then starve her, now I make her cry because she thinks she hadn't adequately pleasured me? That was so far from the truth, she w as more than I could have ever dreamed possible, prefect in everyway. I melted a s I looked at her, as she felt like I hadn't enjoyed myself making love with her . I placed one of my icy fingers to her warm chin and raised her head to look at me. Is that what you're worried about? That I didn't enjoy myself?" Even though t I lifted her head her eyes still didn't look at me, still fidgeting with her h ands in her lap. "I know it's not the same, you're not human. I just was trying to explain that, for a human, well, I can't imagine that life gets any better th an that." Oh crap, was all I could think. She really wasn't mad at me after all, not for hurting her at least. She really wasn't going to flee from me with any of the feared running or screaming. I very possibly just ruined something that w as very special to her, simply because I forgot that it was to be human. "It see ms that I have more to apologize for." I said frowning. "I didn't dream that you would construe the way I feel about what I did to you to mean that last night w asn't...well, the best night of my existence. But, I don't want to think of it t hat way, not when you were..." And I couldn't finish my sentence because she smi rked her sweet smile that always melted my icy heart. "Really? The best ever?" I took her face in my hands stroking her cheeks lightly with my thumbs. "I spoke to Carlisle after you and I made our bargain, hoping he could help me. Of course he warned me this could be very dangerous for you. He had faith in me though faith I didn't deserve." I frowned and she started to protest but I put my finge r to her lips so she would allow me to finish. "I also asked him what I should e xpect. I didn't know what it would be for me...what with my being a vampire. Car lisle told me it was a very powerful thing, like nothing else. He told me physic al love was something I should not treat lightly. With out rarely changing tempe raments, strong emotions can alter us in permanent ways. But he said that I did not need to worry about that part you had already altered me so completely." I s miled this I knew was true. I was never happier than I was with her. "I spoke to my brothers. They told me it was a very great pleasure. Second only to drinking human blood. But I've tasted your blood and there could be no blood more potent than that...I don't think they were wrong, really. Just that it was different f or us. Something more."

"It was more. It was everything." "That doesn't change the fact that it was wron g. Even if it were possible that you really did feel that way." "What does that mean? Do you think I'm making this up? Why?" "To ease my guilt. I can't ignore t he evidence, Bella or your history for letting me off the hook when I make mista kes." Every mistake I'd every made with her raced through my mind, James, Victor ia, leaving her, believing Rosalie and going to Italy when I thought she was dea d, forbidding her from seeing the mutt, allowing her to see the mutt, the list w ent on and on in my head. She grabbed my face and pulled my face close to hers, staring into my eyes. "You listen to me, Edward Cullen. I am not pretending anyt hing for your sake, okay? I didn't even know there was a reason to make you feel better until you started being all miserable. I've never been so happy in all m y life I wasn't this happy when you decided that you loved me more than you want ed to kill me, or the first morning I woke up and you were there, waiting for me ...Not when I heard your voice in the ballet studio," I flinched as the images o f Bella screaming on the floor entered my mind, but she continued on. "Or when I said 'I do' and I realized that I somehow get to keep you forever. Those are th e happiest memories I have and this is better than any of it. So, just deal with it." She was frowning and I touched my finger to the crease that appeared betwe en her eyebrows. "I'm making you unhappy. I don't want to do that." "Then don' y ou be unhappy. That's the only this that's wrong her." I blinked quickly and too k a large intake of breath that I didn't need and sighed. "You're right. The pas t is past and I can't do anything to change it. There's no sense in letting my m ood sour this time for you. I'll do whatever I can to make you happy." "Whatever , it takes to make me happy?" She tried to ask seductively, trying to draw me in with her charms, however, her stomach betrayed her and growled loudly, so I was able to ignore her advances. "You're hungry." I said, having forgotten about th e first time her stomach growled. I stood up quickly, watching as the feather st irred in the air. "So, why exactly did you decided to ruin Esme's pillows?" She joked, shaking her long beautiful hair, trying to relieve it of the white down t hat stuck in it. "I don't know that I decided to do anything last night." I mutt ered. "We're lucky it was the pillows and not you." I thought of what it would h ave meant if it had been Bella I had bitten. I quickly shook the thought from my mind and tried very hard to smile. She slid from the bed, looking nothing like she had last night. I gasped and turned my back to her. Her beautiful body was l ittered with bruises, I had done that to her, was all I could think. "Do I look that hideous?" She asked lightly, walking into the bathroom. I couldn't even bre athe. She was beautiful as always, but it was me who make all those mark on her skin. I heard her groan and I rushed to her side to see what was wrong. "Bella?" "I'll never get this out of my hair!" She pointed to the tangle of white and br own that was her hair.

"You would be worried about you hair, " I mumbled striding over to her as she st arted to pick them out and I started to help, plucking much faster. "How did you keep from laughing at this? I look ridiculous." I kept picking at the feathers, knowing that I was the one who was ridiculous, thinking that this could work, t hat we might actually be able to have a normal sex life. She sighed, "This isn't going to work. It's all dried in. I'm going to have to try to wash it out." She smiled and turned to grab me around the waist. It had been difficult to ignore her naked body while she was facing into the mirror but it was even more difficu lt while she was pressing herself into me again. "Do you want to help me?" She a sked seductively. "I'd better go find some food for you." I mumbled and made my way to the door quickly, no point in temptation. Even with her body all marked l ike this, she was still incredible and I did still want her. I made my was downs tairs to check what we had in the house. Carlisle kept someone on staff for the cleaning so I ask them to pick up the ordinary groceries. There had never been a ny need for food in this house. I found some eggs, bacon and cheddar cheese and tried to concentrate on making Bella an omelet, but my mind kept flashing back t o the images of last night; Bella's beautiful body arching in the moonlight, the look of pure pleasure perched upon her face...No! I couldn't think like that, t hat's how I got into this mess in the first place. Because of me, Bella would ha ve those bruises for days, a constant reminder of the monster I so dreaded being . I heard Bella coming down the stairs and plopped the ready omelet onto a plate . I re-adjusted the look on myself into a smile from my scowl, determined not to ruin this day anymore for Bella. I turned, smiling and handed her the plate. "H ere," I said, I had no idea if it tasted okay and I really couldn't do any taste testing to find out, but I knew it was at least edible. She took the plate and went to sit down, starting to eat while it was still burning hot, she looked rav enous. "I'm not feeding you enough." I said with a frown, watching as she devour ed the food. She swallowed and pointed out. "I was asleep. This is really good, by the way. Impressive, for someone who doesn't eat." "Food network." I let me l ittle secret out, you had a lot of time on your hands when you didn't need to sl eep. "Where did the food come from?" She asked, knowing that I was fast, but the re was no way I had the time to run out, pick up groceries and make the breakfas t. "I asked the cleaning crew to stock the kitchen. A first, for this place. I'l l have to ask them to deal with the feathers..." I stared at a space above her h ead. What might have happened if those pillows hadn't been there? "Thank you," s he said, leaning forward to kiss me. I kissed her back and then pulled away quic kly. I could tell she was upset with me again but there was no way I was going t o allow anything more to happen for fear the results could be worse. "You aren't going to touch me again while we're here, are you?" She accused, more than a li ttle disappointed. I thought bout that for a moment trying to formulate a respon se, instead I lifted one hand and

stroked her warm cheek with my icy fingers, a half smile perched on my lips. "Yo u know that's not what I meant." And we both knew she was right. There could be no way that it could happen again. I wouldn't risk her life or her beautiful bod y ever again. I sighed and removed my hand from her cheek, letting it fall into my lap. "I know it's not. And you're right. I will not make love with you again until you've been changed. I will never hurt you again." As I said the words I k new what she was thinking, not because I could read her mind, but by the look on her face. Her resolve was strong; she would want me to change her all that much sooner. Chapter 6 Distractions We spent almost a week here and I had kept the days very busy exploring the island, swimming, and having Bella playing with the sea turtl es and dolphins (I had to stay away from her or all the sea creatures would disa ppear.) I would have to have a word with Alice when we arrived back home. We swa m mostly everyday and Bella seemed to have an endless supply of skimpy swim suit s, each one more enticing than the last, to torture me with. I tried desperately not to notice, tried desperately to pretend that they didn't affect me. But, at times like this when we were sitting on this cliff, looking out at the setting sun and the sun danced on her face and her luscious wavy chocolate brown hair fl owed past her shoulder, with a peaceful serene look perched on her face, my arms wrapped tightly around her waist that my mind and my eyes wandered. The bathing suit (or pieces of cloth that barely covered her incredible body) that she wore today was the deep shade of blue that I so loved on her. The small strings sat at her neck and across her back and I could imagine pinching one string and pull ing it, removing her top and marveling at the beauty that was her body. My eyes traveled down to her waist where a sarong was wrapped around, were my hand were, her leg jetting out from underneath the thin material, driving me crazy. Keepin g her busy was as much to have her mind of our intimacy as it was for me to keep my mind off of her. It didn't work well for either of us. Every night we would return back home and I would cook for her and she was always so hungry she finis hed every last bite. At first she wore just her normal t-shirt to bed, but every time she made her advance and I turned her down. Lately she started dressing in the lingerie that Alice had packed for her. She looked incredible and it was ge tting increasingly difficult to remain resolved, but she had usually just passed out from exhaustion without too much of a fight. Tonight was different. Bella w as talking an unusually long time in the bathroom. I was about to go and see if she was all right when the door opened. And there she stood, the light from the bathroom shining like a spot light. I sat, frozen on the bed, not sure what to s ay or do, I felt my resolve weakening. She stood before me in something that sho uld be illegal. It was a black, lacy, see through baby doll nightie. The empire waist accentuated her breasts, pulling then higher (if possible) and closer toge ther while allowing her nipples to peek through underneath. And underneath the g own she wore a very, very small thong panty. There were two slits up either side of the negligee, allowing

an absurdly good view of her tops of her thighs and her hips which were almost b are. She looked at me innocently and turned all the way around, pausing slightly so I had a perfect view of her buttocks. Thongs were wonderful things, I though t to myself. I'm not sure how well I held my expression together, but I did try not to allow my eyes to bug out of my head, or my jaw to hit the floor. "What do you think?" She meant to ask all innocent, but it actually came out unbelievabl y seductive. I cleared my throat and blinked, realized that my eyes were indeed a little wide. It took everything and I mean everything I had not to run to her and throw her on the bed right then. "You look beautiful. You always do." Was al l I could manage, trying not to stare at her and not succeeding. "Thanks." She s aid bitterly. I know she thought that I had no interest in her physically at thi s point, but that couldn't have been further from the truth. I wanted her and I wanted all of her, all of the time. She climbed into bed and I could tell she re ally was exhausted at least I wouldn't have to resist her advances for long, she would soon be asleep. She cuddled into me. My temperature was finally good for something; I could keep her cool on these hot and humid nights. "I'll make you a deal," She said still trying to play at innocent. "I will not make any deals wi th you." "You haven't even heard what I'm offering." "It doesn't matter." The la st time I had made a deal with her hadn't worked out very well. She sighed loudl y." Dangit. And I really wanted....oh well." Damn it! I hated when she did this! She knew I couldn't resist taking the bait. Whenever I had the change to know w hat she was thinking or to give her something (with the expectation of just one thing) I would jump at it. "All right, what is it you wanted?" I asked, sighing and rolling my eyes. "Well I was thinking. I know that the whole Dartmouth thing was just supposed to be a cover story, but honestly, one semester of college pr obably wouldn't kill me." She said. Those last words were almost exactly, word-f or-word what I had tried to tell her months ago. "Charlie would get a thrill out of Dartmouth stories I bet. Sure, it might be embarrassing if I can't keep up w ith all the brainiacs. Still...eighteen, nineteen. It's really not such a big di fference. It's not like I'm going to get crows feet in the next year." I pondere d this a while. Bella was willing to stay human and go to school, something I de sperately wanted for her, all to have another night with me or a number or night s. "You would wait. You would stay human." And I was angry; she was risking her safety just to be with me. "Why are you doing this to me? Isn't it hard enough w ithout all this?" I said gritting my teeth and grabbing a handful of neglishee. "It doesn't matter; I won't make deals with you." "I want to go to college." "No you don't. And there is nothing that is worth risking your life again. That's w orth hurting you."

"But I do want to go. Well, it's not college so much as it is that I want I want to be human a little longer." "You are making me insane, Bella. Haven't we had this argument a million times, you always begging to be a vampire." It was offic ial; I would never understand how her mind worked. "Yes, but...well, I have a re ason to be human that I didn't have before." "What's that? "Guess," She said lea ning over to kiss me. I did kiss her back, and I could barely contain my passion for her. I couldn't let her see any of that or she would make me loose my resol ve, she would see that she had a chance and she would never let go. I slowly pul led away from our kiss and held her close to me. "You are so human, Bella. Ruled by your hormones." I said laughing. "That's the whole point, Edward. I like thi s part of being human. I don't want to give it up yet. I don't want to wait thro ugh years of being a blood crazed new born for some part of this to come back to me." She tried to stifle her yawn and I smiled at her. "You're tired. Sleep, lo ve." I started to hum the lullaby I wrote for her when we'd met, when I'd finall y realized I loved her and there would be no staying away from her. "I wonder wh y I'm so tired." She muttered sarcastically. "That couldn't be part of your sche me or anything." I chuckled and continued to hum. Of course she knew why I kept our days to jam packed, kept her going all day long. And it would continue like that until I changed her. "For as tired as I've been, you'd think I'd sleep bett er." This surprised me and I halted my serenade. "You've been sleeping like the dead, Bella. You haven't said a single word in your sleep since we got here. If it weren't for the snoring I'd worry you were slipping into a coma." "I haven't been tossing? That's weird. Usually I'm all over the bed when I'm having nightma res. And shouting." "You've been having nightnares?" This upset me, what was she so worried about that she was having nightmares. "Vivid ones. They make me so t ired." She explained yawning widely again. "I can't believe I haven't been babbl ing about them all night." "What are they about?" "Different things but the same , you know, because of the colors." "Colors?" "It's all so bright and real. Usua lly when I'm dreaming, I know that I am. With these I don't know I'm asleep. It makes them scarier." I was worried now and hugged her close to me, pondering. "W hat is frightening you?"

I felt her shudder beside me and I could tell the memories of her nightmares wer e flooding back. "Mostly..." She paused for a long moment and my impatience was evident when I next spoke. "Mostly?" "The Volturi," She whispered the name, like it would somehow summon them if she spoke it too loud. I could tell she hadn't told me the whole truth, but if it involved the Volturi, I could certainly comfo rt her for that. I hugged her closer still to me. "They aren't going to bother u s anymore. You'll be immortal soon and they'll have no reason." She didn't say a nything and worry was still painted on her face. "What can I do to help?" Concer n clouded my voice. "They're just dreams, Edward." She rebuffed. If I could take away all her bad dreams and nightmares from her, I would and I wished I knew ho w. "Do you want me to sing to you? I'll sing all night if it will keep the bad d reams away." "They're not all bad. Some are nice...colorful. Underwater, with th e first and the coral. It all seems like it really happening I don't know when I 'm dreaming. Maybe this island is the problem. It's really bright here..." Great , I thought. My choice of honeymoon destination was giving my wife nightmares. " Do you want to go home?" "No, no, not yet. Can't we stay a little while longer?" "We can stay as long as you want, Bella." I tried to soothe by stroking her hai r. "When does the semester start? I wasn't paying attention before." I sighed an d started humming, and I felt her slip into sleep. I kissed her head and muttere d, "Sweet Dreams, my love." I watched her as she slept seemingly peaceful. I con tinued to hum and trail my fingers along her arm gently, so I hopefully wouldn't wake her but would lull her into sleep. My poor Bella and her nightmares. What could I do for her? That was one of the positive things that would come out of m e changing her. Bella would never have to endure another nightmare, of course, n ever would she dream either. It was early morning when Bella startled me. She ga sped, panic gripping her voice. So much for my wishes of good dreams, I thought. "Bella?" She was shaking uncontrollably now and my arms tightened automatically around her, trying to protect her from her mind. "Are you all right, sweetheart ?" She gasped again, tears flooding from her eyes. Her breathe came in loud, qui ck gasps, like she couldn't get enough air. "Bella!" I was panicked now, whippin g tears from her face as fast as they could fall. "What's wrong?" I asked, unsur e of what to do for her. "It was only a dream." She managed to choke between gas ps.

"It's ok, love, you're fine. I'm here." I soothed, rocking her in my arms. "Did you have another nightmare? It wasn't real, it wasn't real." "Not a nightmare." She said shaking her head. I wiped more tears from her eyes. "It was a good drea m." Nope, I would never, ever be able to understand her mind. "Then why are you crying?" "Because I woke up." More tears exploded from her eyes again. She wrapp ed her arms around my neck, which if I needed to breathe would have been a probl em and continued to cry and shake. I chuckled at her logic. "Everything's all ri ght, Bella. Take deep breathes." "It was so real. I wanted it to be real." "Tell me what it was about, maybe it will help." I pressed. I hated not knowing what she was thinking, especially when she was this upset. I was at a disadvantage wi th her, one I wasn't used to. "We were on the beach..." She said pulling away fr om me so I could see her tear stained puffy eyes. "And?" I said after she contin ued to stare at me. "Oh, Edward..." "Tell me, Bella." I pleaded, desperately wan ting to know what had her in such a state. But she didn't say anything. She wrap ped her arms around my neck and attacked my mouth, pulling me to her. She kissed me with such passion, with such urgency, such need that I was almost overcome. I struggled with myself for a moment and then pushed her away, grasping her shou lders gently, but firm. "No, Bella." Was all I could manage to say. I looked int o her eyes with concern and confusion. Her arms dropped from my neck down to her sides. She looked defeated and dejected. "I'm s-s-sorry." She cried. I pulled h er tightly to me, hating this push and pull. "I can't, Bella, I can't." I moaned , my need for her climbing. Of course I wanted her, but I simply couldn't allow myself to hurt her again. Did she not realize how this tortured me too? "Please. Please, Edward?" She pleaded as I held her as close to me as I could. She was c rying and shaking beneath me and I didn't know what to do. I wanted, no, I neede d her to stop crying, but was it worth the risk? She was clearly hurting emotion ally, and she was begging me to help her, could I really deny her? I knew the an swer was a resounding no, I simply couldn't deny her when she needed me so badly . I pulled her head away from my shoulder and looked into her pleading eyes for just a moment before I succumbed to her. I brought her face to mine and kissed h er lightly, gently I wiped away her tears with my thumbs slowly caressing her fa ce. She kissed me back and I could tell she was waiting for the time when I woul d push her away again, only I knew I wouldn't and she needed to know that I woul dn't.

Slowly I pushed her back on the bed, laying half on top of her, pressing myself into her and that was when she got it, that I wouldn't be stop her, I wouldn't p ush her away her away. Her arms wrapped tighter around my neck and her kisses we re rough and urgent. I knotted one hand in her hair, pulling her face closer to mine. She was breathing heavier know and her heartbeat was faster, she was makin g me forget why we should do this, shouldn't was run from my mind and replaced b y have to. And suddenly, I wasn't doing this for her; I was doing this because I needed her as much as she needed me. My hands traveled down her sides, caressin g her waist and her hips and finally her lovely legs. When she felt my hand on h er leg she gasped and wrapped it around my waist, so I could easily touch all of it. She was so soft and so warm, she felt like heaven. With her leg still wrapp ed around my waist Bella pushed me back. I was confused, but she obviously wante d up, I pulled up and off of her, sitting in front of her. She crawled seductive ly to me and threw her legs on either side, straddling me. She looked into my ey es, her beautiful chocolate eyes that were filled with tears were now filled wit h passion and I knew I was in trouble, she wanted control and I couldn't loose a ny of mine with her. But that was the last doubt I remember having. She took my hair in her hands and started to move back and forth on my lap, driving me crazy . This was a very good position, I thought. I could see her. Her breasts were ri ght in front of my face, hidden slightly in the black material. I reach my hand out and took one of her perfect mounds in my hands, she threw her head back with a low moan and that was it, the skimpy material was coming off, now. I grabbed the garment down the middle and ripped it off her, throwing it somewhere in the corner. My mouth found her neck and I licked and kissed and carefully ran my tee th across her skin. Apparently I had driven her over the edge. "Edward, I need y ou." She said pulling ever so slightly away from me and pushing her thong to one side and then she was somehow on top of me again and I was inside of her. I moa ned as the fire inside started to burn, igniting like a fire ball. "Oh, Bella." I moaned and my hands were all over her body as she rocked on top of me. I sat u p straighter and put my hand on her buttocks, to help guide her and she wrapped her arms around my neck and started to whimper in my ear. "Yes, Edward. Please, like that." My lips and tongue found the hallow of her neck and I started lickin g and sucking and her hand wrapped tightly in my hair, urging me on. And then th ere was the fire that was growing and growing. I wondered for a moment whether I would ever get used to the feeling of Bella's warmth encompassing every part of me. I heard Bella's moans growing deeper and her breath coming faster and I kne w she was close and I knew I was close and I knew that I had to hold off until a fter she was there first. I leaned back against the headboard to try and calm do wn a little bit, but it had the opposite effect. When I pulled away from her, I was about to reach my hand to massage her breasts, but she did the sexiest thing I have ever seen in all of my existence. She raised her own hands and placed th em on her breasts, squeezing her nipples and biting her lip, then rocking more a nd more quickly. She let out a gasp and then a moan and threw her head back, her hair whipped behind her. That's when I lost it. I reached behind me to grab the headboard and squeezed. I heard a loud crack and I didn't care. My release floo ded over me and my eyes actually rolled back in my head.

That's when Bella collapsed on top of me and I was still throbbing inside her. " Thank you, Edward." She said sleepily. I rolled her gently off of me and onto he r side as she feel asleep. I cuddled into her back and we stayed like that way a ll night, on her side of the bed since my side had a nice big gash out of the he adboard. I watched her sleep the rest of the night, wondering what that had been about. She had woken up in such a panic, how could that have led to making love ? I couldn't believe the pleasure and physical relief I felt, but then the worry started to set in. I didn't take my eyes from her body. I waited all night to s ee how badly I had hurt her this time. I waited and I waited, stroking her arms lightly, waiting for the bruises to come, but they never did. I was just beginni ng to think we might actually be able to have a normal sex life after all, when she woke up. I could tell she was awake, but she didn't say anything for a long while. I had started to wonder if I had really hurt her after all. She was layin g across my chest now, having rolled over in the night, but I rather liked the s pooning position. I was staring at the ceiling when she finally spoke. "How much trouble am I in?" she asked quietly. Ah, she was worried I would be upset with her. "Heaps," I said with a smirk, looking into her lovely eyes. She sighed reli eved that I was not angry, I guessed. "I am sorry." She said. "I didn't mean...w ell, I don't know exactly what that was last night." "You never did tell me what you're dream was about." "I guess I didn't but I sort of showed you what it was about." She said with a nervous laugh. "Oh." Was my brilliant response. That wa s news. Bella dreamed about making love to me, that was happy, welcome news. "In teresting." "It was a very good dream" She hesitated, probably waiting for me to respond, but my mind was still reeling from the knowledge that my innocent Bell a had a sex dream about me. "Am I forgiven? "I'm thinking about it." She sat up, swayed a bit and fell back on the pillows. "Whoa...head rush." She said as I to ok her in my cold arms. "You slept for a long time. Twelve hours." "Twelve?" She looked herself over quickly, inspecting for bruises I assumed. She was trying t o be covert about it, so I couldn't help but add, "Is the inventory complete?" S he nodded, clearly wishing I hadn't noticed her giving herself the once over. "T he pillows all appear to have survived." "Unfortunately, I can't say the same fo r your, err, nightgown." I nodded toward the corner where I had thrown that amaz ing garment, saddened that I had ruined it. No, matter, I would simply find out the designer and buy one or two in every color, better make that a half dozen ea ch, if last

night was any indication. "That's too bad. I liked that one." She said giving me hope that maybe she could learn to sleep in something other than sweats. "I did too," I said as flashes of her on top of me, still wearing the neglishee, befor e I had destroyed it, flowed through my mind. "We're there any other casualties? " "I have to buy Esme a new bed frame," I confessed, glancing at the chunks of w ood. "Hmm," she said frowning. "You think I would have heard that." "You seem to be extraordinarily unobservant when your attention is otherwise involved." I sa id nuzzling her neck. "I was a bit absorbed." She admitted blushing furiously, t urning my favorite color. "I'm really going to miss that." I said touching my ic y hand to her burning cheek. She stared into my eyes and I got lost in hers. She was so incredibly beautiful. How was it possible for a human to look so perfect ? "How are you feeling?" She asked worried, afraid I would act like the first ti me we made love. I laughed. "What?" She demanded. "You look so guilty like you'v e committed a crime." I said stroking her cheek. "I feel guilty." "So you seduce d your all-too-willing husband. That's not a capitol offence." I teased and she blushed more. "The word seduced implies a certain amount of premeditation." "May be that was the wrong word." I allowed. "You're not angry?" She asked quietly. " I'm not angry." I said allowing the huge smile I felt to appear on my face. "Why not?" She asked, incredulous. "Well...I didn't hurt you, for one thing. It was easier this time, to control myself, to channel the excess. Maybe because I knew what to expect." My eyes flickered to the bed frame, okay so maybe I would be h aving to replace furniture more, but that I could do. "I told you that it was al l about practice." A hopeful smile spread across her face and she simply glowed. She looked how I felt, like maybe we were compatible in every way after all. I rolled my eyes and her stomach growled. "Breakfast time for the human?" "Please. " She answered, jumping out of the bed and staggering, trying to regain her bala nce, but I caught her in my arms before she could knock something over.

"Are you all right?" I asked, concerned. "If I don't have a better sense of equi librium in my next life, I'm demanding a refund." She joked, shaking her head sl ightly. She dressed before cooking for herself this morning. She decided to make herself sunny-side up eggs, something she never ate, she preferred omelets or f ried. "Since when do you eat eggs sunny-side up?" I asked, wondering if I, maybe , should start to make her eggs this way. "Since now." Was her simple reply, imp atience clouding her voice. "Do you know how many eggs we've gone through in the last week?" I said looking in the trash bin under the sink, which was full of e gg cartons. "Weird," She said after finishing a bite I knew was too hot. "This p lace is messing with my appetite. But I like it here. We'll probably have to lea ve soon, though, won't we? To make it to Dartmouth on time? Wow, I guess we need to find a place to live and stuff too." "You can give up the college pretense n ow you've gotten what you wanted. And we didn't agree to a deal so there were no strings attached." I said sitting next to her. She snorted. "It wasn't a preten se, Edward. I don't spend my free time plotting like some people do. What can we do to wear Bella out today?" She imitated me and she sounded so ridiculous, she was adorable. "I really do want a little more time being human." And she reache d her fingers out to run them down my bare chest, sending tingles down my spine. "I have not had enough." I looked at her, incredulous. "For this?" I asked, cat ching her hand which had continued lower and lower, almost meeting my, no, focus on the conversation. "Sex was the key all along?" I said rolling my eyes. "Why didn't I think of that? I could have saved myself a lot of arguments." I said it sarcastically, but it did make me think. "Yeah, probably." She laughed. "You ar e so human." I said, raising her hand to my lips. "I know." "We're going to Dart mouth? Really?" I asked unable to hide the joy in my smile. "I'll probably fail out in one semester." "I'll tutor you." I said and I knew I could since I'd more than likely taken any classes she would be interested in. "You're going to love college." "Do you think we can find an apartment this late?" I grimaced, feelin g a little more than guilty. "We'll we sort of already have a house there. You k now, just in case." How would she feel about me having bought a house without he r knowledge or consent? "You. Bought.A House?" She paused at each word and I cou ldn't tell just how angry she was. "Real estate is a good investment." I said co nfidently. I saw her eyebrow rise, that was a bad sign. Then, her eyebrow fell, that was a good sign. "So,

we're ready, then? Huh, that was easier than I had thought. "I'll have to see if we can keep your "before" car a little longer." "Yes, heaven forbid I not be pr otected from tanks." She grimaced and I grinned. "How much longer can we stay?" "We're fine on time. A few more weeks, if you want. And then we can visit Charli e before we go to New Hampshire. We could spend Christmas with Rene." I liked th is, making plans for the future, a future that was bright, a future in which Bel la remained human. "A few weeks." She agreed and hesitated. "So, I was thinking you know what I was saying about practice before," she said running her hand fro m my cheek to my shoulder and then to my chest where my heart used to beat." I l aughed; she had a one track mind. "Can you hold on to that thought? I hear a boa t. The cleaning crew must be here." She was foiled again and for once I was real ly disappointed by it. "Let me explain the mess in the white room to Gustavo and then we can go out. There's a place in the jungle on the south " I started but s he cut me off. "I don't want to go out. I am not hiking all over the island toda y. I want to stay home and watch a movie." She had put her foot down and I knew I didn't have a choice. She looked so cute while putting her foot down, I had to chuckle just a little. I had been keeping her very busy, maybe she did need a d ay to relax. "All right, whatever you'd like. Why don't you pick out a movie whi le I get the door?" "I didn't head a knock." She said, I waited and a second lat er the knock came. I grinned and kissed her on the forehead. I talked to the cle aning people and brought them to the kitchen to explain that we needed more food , especially eggs, I mentioned that my new wife, Bella, really liked them. I saw Gustavo peek at her in the living room and smile. I noticed the woman, Kaure, l ooked at Bella with shock and disgust. I quickly moved them on, listening to Kau re's thoughts. A human. He's taken a human as a wife? This isn't right. What is there to do? I tried not to notice as I showed them to the white room, to explai n the fluff. All I could come up with was, we had a pillow fight. Yes, I do real ize that is possibly the stupidest excuse in history, and there was now way they would buy it. Gustavo nodded and they got to work. I headed downstairs to find Bella by the DVD's and wrapped my arms around her tightly. "What's with her?" Be lla asked of the cleaning woman, she had obviously picked up on Kaure's expressi on. I shrugged, trying not to increase her stress. "Kaure's part Ficuna Indian. She was raised to be more superstitious or you could call it more aware than tho se who live in the modern world. She suspects what I am, or close enough to it. They have their own legends here. The libishomen a blood-drinking demon who prey s exclusively on beautiful women." I said leering at her like some dark creature of the night. "She looked terrified."

"She is but mostly she's worried about you." "Me?" "She's afraid of why I have y ou here, all alone." I chuckled and saw no movie in her hand. "Oh well, why don' t you choose something for us to watch. That's an acceptably human thing to do." "Yes I'm sure a movie will convince her that you're human." She said laughing a nd wrapping her arms around my neck stretching for a kiss. I leaned down and kis sed her, picking her up into my arms, remembering that this was how our first ti me making love had started. "Movie, schmovie," She purred tracing my lips with h er tongue, and wrapping her hands tightly in my hair. I moved my lips to her nec k to kiss and suck and lick it. Then we were interrupted by a gasp. Before us, K aure stood holding the bag of feathers from the white room. She stared at Bella. Oh, does she know? Does she know what he is? Will he hurt her? He is beautiful, but how can she be with him, like that? She thought. She recovered and apologiz ed for interrupting us. I smiled at her politely and told it was fine, newlyweds and all, I explained. She smiled lightly and continued on her way. "She was thi nking what I was thinking she was thinking, wasn't she?" Bella asked, blushing. "Yes." Not exactly, I thought. She was thinking what I wondered everyday, how co uld this beautiful, vibrant woman be with me, want to kiss me, want to make love to me. "Here" She said, thrusting a random movie into my hand. "Put this on and we can pretend to watch it." "Very honeymoonish." We cuddled into the couch and she leaned into me so I could wrap her in my arms again. Neither of us really w atching the silly musical. I was just looking at her. "Will we move back into th e white room now? She asked. "I don't know...I've already mangled the headboard in the other room beyond repair maybe if we limit the destruction to one area of the house, Esme might invite us back someday." I knew this would make her very happy. I was telling her that we would be practicing more, a lot more I hoped. S he smiled as wide as I had hoped. "So there will be more destruction?" I laughed . "I think it might be safer if it's premeditated, rather than if I wait until y ou assault me again." "It would be only a matter of time." She agreed and I hear d her pulse quicken. "Is there something the matter with your heart?" I whispere d into her ear. "Nope. Healthy as a horse." She paused, but I knew she had more to say. "Did you want to go survey the demolition zone now?"

"Maybe it would be more polite to wait until we're alone. You may not notice me tearing the furniture apart, but it would probably scare them." I could feel Bel la's impatience growing as we "watched" the movie, waiting for them to be done. I heard Kaure's voice in my mind. Finally, let's get out of here. I do hope the girl will be alright. I pulled Bella closer to me as Gustavo wished us a good da y. "They're finished." I said. "So, that would mean we're alone now?" Bella purr ed again in my ear. "How about lunch first?" I said as her stomach growled again . She bit her lip, how I loved when she did that. I knew she didn't truly want i t, but her body needed it, so I could wait. "This is getting out of hand." She c omplained when she finished two grilled panini sandwiches. "Do you want to swim with the dolphins this afternoon burn off the calories?' "Maybe later. I had ano ther idea for burning calories." "And what was that?" I prompted. "Well, there's an awful lot of headboard left-" She started to say but I didn't let her finish . I swept her into my arms and kissed her all the way to the Blue room. I stoppe d at our door and put her down, I couldn't get her stupid shirt off while I was holding her and she was trying with difficulty to remove my pants. I pulled her shirt above her ahead and looked at her a moment, she was in a beautiful lacy li lac bra that barely covered her nipples. She pulled my shirt over my head and ju mped into my arms and wrapped her legs around my waist. She pulled me so that my face was thrust right between her breasts, one of my favorite places to be. I l icked around her cleavage and reached around to unhook her bra, but just then sh e shimmied down and way from me, turning her back. She walked slowly towards bat hroom door, swaying her hips, which looked great in that pair of tight jeans. Wh ere the hell had she learned to do that, and why hadn't she done it before? I co uld tell she had unbuttoned the top button and was slowly sliding the zipper dow n. "I'm feeling a little dirty, Mr. Cullen, care to come and help me get clean?" She said as her hands went to either side of her hips and slowly pulled down to reveal a matching lilac thong. She bent over so I would get a nice long picture of her buttocks in my mind. Then, she slid them all the way down and stepped ou t of them so she was only in her bra and panties. She reached the doorway and br ought her hands to her back, making quick work of undoing the clasp on her bra. She turned ever so slightly, not enough for me to see anything as she had wrappe d one arm over her beautiful breasts and the other threw her bra at me. She actu ally threw her bra at me! With her eyes still on me, back still turned she bit h er lip and disappeared into the bathroom. I stood there for a moment, my mouth h anging open. Okay, later I had to find out where that came from and also, Thank Alice. I regained my composure when I heard the shower turn on. She must have he ard me come in because at the moment when I stepped into the doorway I saw here. She was standing next to the ridiculously large enclosed shower, with the door open. She once again put her hand on her hips and tucked her thumbs under the st rap of her thong and pulled agonizingly slow down until they fell noiselessly to the floor. She put one foot carefully into the

shower and then the other, testing the water which was obviously the right tempe rature because she sighed happily, seductively as the water ran down her body. S he must have wondered what I was doing, but I stood there, frozen, watching her. She grabbed her strawberry body wash from the wall and squeezed a generous amou nt onto her hands, rubbing them together. I watched as she placed one leg on the bench that sat in the shower and slowly lathered herself up moving her hand all the way to her inner thigh. Then she put that leg down and repeated her seducti on with the other. When she was finished her legs she started at her hips, movin g in slow, soft circles, moving upward. She reached her breasts and started to r ub and massages them. That's when I woke up and ripped my pants off. I was in th e shower with her in less than a second. "I, I think you might need some help wi th that Mrs. Cullen. I would be pleased to assist you, if I may." I grabbed the body washed and spread more than enough into my hand. I started by massing her s houlders and she closed her eyes, biting her lip again. I ran my hands slowly do wn her arms taking her hands in mine, taking care to wash them too. Instead of a llowing me to rinse her soapy hands she put them to my chest, she opened her eye s and stared directly into mine as she slowly ran them down my body until she me t my member. I gasped and it was my turn to roll my head back. "I don't think I' m the only dirty one. Time to get you clean too," She whispered in her low, sexy voice. And that was it. I picked her up and she wrapped her legs around me once more. "I need you." I whispered as I nibbled on her ear ever so slightly. I set her carefully on the bench and she leaned back against the way, scooting hersel f to the edge and I decided to give some pleasure first. I dropped to my knees a nd pulled her closer to me, grabbing her hips. I stuck my tongue out and gently licked the spot I knew she liked most. She moaned and I continued until she groa ned and put her hand on my head and pulled me closer to her and wiggled herself on my tongue. I liked this in control Bella, she was incredibly sexy. She held m e to her until her explosion ripped through her and then she pulled me up to her . I sat down on the bench next to her and she climbed on top of me, straddling m e, which suited me just fine, no one had been hurt last night, maybe this was sa fest for us. She rocked back and forth and I wrapped my arms around her butt, gi ving her as much supposed as possible, nuzzling deep into her neck. I had to rem ind myself not to suck too hard. That's all we needed, for her to have a hickie on her neck, the maid would really freak out then. She had wrapped both her arms around my neck tightly and the sound of her moaning in tandem with her heart be ating was starting to edge me closer to my release. I chanted not yet, not yet, not yet, in my head over and over, just so I could last until Bella had hers. Ju st when I thought there wasn't anyway I could hold out any longer, Bella started rocking in shorter and faster bursts and then she leaned all the way away from me and I saw her luscious breasts. Just as I took a nipple in my mouth she moane d my name loudly and shuddered beneath my grasp. Of course, with the sound of my name, and the taste of her in my mouth I was shoved over the edge in a very pow erful manner. I'm pretty sure I growled her name and God's at the same time. And that was how I learned just how dirty one can get while trying to get clean. Chapter 7 Unexpected I watched as Bella slept next to me and I suddenly realized that if we were going to continue on our sexual exploration, I needed to make s ure that I was very well fed, no point it taking chances.

I watched Bella for another little while and when I was sure that she was sleepi ng peacefully and soundly I crawled carefully out of the bed trying not to distu rb her. I scrawled a quick note that read I am hoping that you won't wake and no tice my absence, but if you should I'll be back very soon. I've just gone to the mainland to hunt. Go back to sleep and I'll be here when you wake again. I love you. I addressed it to "Mrs. Cullen", how I loved the way it sounded and now th e way it looked, and I placed it on the pillow next to her. I dressed and took o ne last peak to make sure she was still sleeping. "Please don't have another nig htmare before I get back", I wished in her direction before heading out our door to the beach. It was such a lovely night I decided to take a swim to the mainla nd instead of taking the boat, figuring I could make it back before she would aw aken, considering how long she had been sleeping as of late. I replayed the even ts of the last few weeks in my head. My wedding, our arrival, our unpleasant awa kening the morning after, and then our retry...retries. I had never felt less li ke a monster in my life. We had made loved three time and the last two there wer e no more bruises or broken bones. It had been pure pleasure, perfect. I let the warm water wash over me and pondered what life my hold for us. The future was l ooking more and more bright with every passing day. In a few short weeks we woul d be in New Hampshire, attending Dartmouth and Bella would still be human, that was more than I had hoped for. I reached the mainland, immediately catching the scent of a leopard, stalking somewhere near me to the left. I decided I needed t he excitement of a chase so I stalked it right back. He was confused. He could s ense something was after him and he ran and I followed, leaping towards him and grabbing him in a strangle hold. I bit effortlessly into his neck, severing him jugular almost immediately so the creature wouldn't suffer. Hot, salty blood pou red into my mouth and my eyes closed with satisfaction, it didn't quite quench m y thirst like human blood would have but it was good enough. I found a few more leopards and a couple of jaguars before I discovered the sun was about to start to rise and I needed to get swimming before I could be seen by an unsuspecting b oater. I ran with all my speed, hoping that Bella was still asleep, swimming as fast as I could. I entered through our room to discover she wasn't there. I chan ged quickly and then went in search of her. I found her lying on the couch, swea ty with the blue screen of the TV filling the room. I crossed the room to reach her and gathered her in my arms. "I'm sorry," I murmured, wiping the sweat from her forehead, moving the hair that was stuck there. "So much for thoroughness. I didn't think about how hot you would be with me gone. I'll have the air conditi oner on next time." She fought against me, trying to get free. "Excuse me!" She gasped, jumping from my lap. "Bella?" I asked as she ran to the bathroom, coveri ng her mouth. I rushed to her as she dropped to her knees in front of the toilet . I held her hair back as she was violently ill.

"Bella? What's wrong?" I held her, stroking her sweaty forehead. "Damn rancid ch icken." She moaned. "Are you alright?" I asked concerned. "Fine." She said catch ing her breath. "It's just food poisoning. You don't need to see this. Go away." "Not likely, Bella." I said, still mopping her brow and the back of her neck wi th my icy hands. "Go away," she moaned again and struggled against me. I helped her up and she made her way to the sink. After she rinsed her mouth I picked her up and carried her to the bed. "Food poisoning?" "Yeah," She croaked. "I made s ome chicken last night. It tasted off, so I threw it out. But I ate a few bites first." I put my hand on her forehead again; desperate to do anything I could to help her. "How do you feel now?" She paused. "Pretty normal. A little hungry ac tually." I got her a glass of water and we waited to see if she would be okay. W hen she held the water down I made her some fried eggs. We cuddled on the couch, having a lazy day just watching some news. Bella reached up to kiss me and wren ched away quickly. She jumped up and ran to the kitchen sink and promptly threw up again. I was at her side again in a second and holding her hair back. "Maybe we should go back to Rio, see a doctor." I suggested, concerned, this was not a simple case of food poisoning. My mind jumped immediately to the possibility of a parasite. "I'll be fine right after I brush my teeth." She said, shaking her h ead and heading shakily down the hall to the bathroom. She closed the door, leav ing me out side. After a moment or two I got anxious and knocked. "Are you well? " I asked, still waiting outside. "Did you get sick again?' "Yes and no." He voi ce came out strangled. "Bella? Can I please come in?" I begged. "O...kay." I ent ered and sat down on the bathroom floor next to her, my hand on her forehead onc e again. "What's wrong?" I asked when I saw the confused, anxious look on her fa ce. "How many days since the wedding?" She whispered. "Seventeen," I answered au tomatically. "Bella, what is it?" She help up one finger, asked me to give her a minute as she thought. She was mouthing words, looked like numbers, she was cou nting.

"Bella! I'm loosing my mind over here!" I said urgently. She held up a box of ta mpons. I looked at her confused. "What? Are you trying to pass this illness off as PMS?" I knew that this was not a symptom of PMS, my medical training had told me that much. "No." She finally choked. "No, Edward. I'm trying to tell you tha t my period is five days late." It hadn't sunk in yet, I knew what she was sayin g but it didn't sink in. "I don't think I have food poisoning." She said. It sun k in. I sat there frozen, understand her words, but of course there had to be an other explanation, because it simply wasn't possible. I was a vampire, this I co uld never give her. She wrenched herself away from her again, jumping to her fee t. "Oh." She said, dropping her hand to her stomach and then quickly throwing he r silk shirt up, to show a small rounded bump protruding where there had been no bump yesterday. I was instantly worried. Her mind jumped to pregnancy, mine jum ped to some sort of insidious parasite, after all pregnancy and babies were no p ossible for us. Besides, she was only five days late, I knew it took a lot longe r for a women's body to start to show, at least seven weeks longer. "Impossible. " I heard her say. And of course, of course it was, it was absolutely, unequivoc ally impossible. I mean, of course, there were legends of the incubus, but it wa s all fable, there was not fact. Out of the thousands of times that Carlisle and Esme, Emmett and Rosalie, Jasper and Alice had made love nothing. And then ther e was Tanya...and. Then it occurred to me, Esme, Rosalie, Alice and Tanya were a ll frozen in time. They no longer produced eggs, they never had their periods. I on the other hand, was not frozen. I did not produce blood, but I did produce v enom, I of course, had reached maturity before I was changed, and would not now loose the ability to produce semen. That would be with me forever. And that was when I knew, I knew it was not only a possibility, it was true. I sat frozen, li ke marble on the floor. Just staring at Bella looking in the mirror, her hand on her stomach. Oh my God. What had I done? We weren't careful; we didn't see a ne ed to be. Stupid, irresponsible. I was just like a human teenage male. I had nev er thought, only ruled by my needs and desires, never thinking that something wo uld happen. It couldn't happen, not to us. Isn't that what every human teenage m ale thought when he found himself faced with an unplanned pregnancy? I heard the phone right next to me, but I couldn't force myself to get it. Bella slowly wal ked over to me, kneeling and answering the ringing phone. "Hi Alice," Bella said , her voice shaky. Of course I could hear every word on both sides of the conver sation. "Bella? Bella, are you okay? "Yeah. Um. Is Carlisle there?" "He is. What 's the problem?" "I'm not...one hundred percent...sure."

"Is Edward all right?" I heard Alice calling Carlisle and I knew I would need to talk to him, I just couldn't make myself take the phone, my brain seemed to be in a fog. "Why didn't her answer his phone?" "I'm not sure." "Bella, what's goin g on? I just saw " "What did you see?" Bella prompted, not allowing Alice to fini sh her answer which was too bad because I would really have liked to know that t oo. "Here's Carlisle," Alice said. "Bella, it's Carlisle. What's going on?" This was the first time I had heard my father's voice sound so panicked in a very lo ng time. "I " Bella started, but it appeared that word eluded her almost as much as they did me. : I'm a little worried about Edward....Can vampires go into shoc k?" Twenty minutes ago I could have answered that question with a resounding no, but now I wasn't so sure. "Has he been harmed?" My father was urgent, panicked now and I suddenly wished he was here with me. Here to help me figure out what w as going on. He to take care of Bella. "No, no, just...taken by surprise." "I do n't understand, Bella." "I think...well, I think that...maybe. I might be..." An d I willed her not to say it, "pregnant," And of course she said it. The silence was long, Carlisle probably just as shocked as I was. "When was the first day o f your last menstrual cycle?" And there was Doctor Cullen, no longer acting as m y father. "Sixteen days before the wedding." And of course the math was perfectl y right. But I was still clinging to the hope of a parasite that was ravaging Be lla and not a "baby". "How do you feel?" "Weird." I hear her voice break and I s aw the tear begin to flow silently from her eyes. I wanted to reach for her, to hold her, comfort her, but I just couldn't. "This is going to sound crazy look I know it's way too early for any of this. Maybe I am crazy. But I'm having bizar re dreams and eating all the time and crying and throwing up and...and...I swear something moved inside me just now." Oh God! I thought. I finally woke up and o ut of my state. I needed to talk to Carlisle now. I looked at her and held out m y hand for the phone. "Um, I think Edward wants to talk to you." "Put him on," C arlisle told her. "Is it possible?" I whispered into the phone as soon as Bella had placed it in my hand. He thought for a moment. I knew this was new to him, t oo. "I...I think it is more than possible, Edward. From what Bella is describing as to how she's feeling, I would say she is pregnant. I need you to bring her h ome as soon as possible. She will need to be examined right away. She's

been pregnant a matter of days and she is manifesting symptoms of a woman in her third month. It's happening to fast. Can you get her back immediately? "Yes. Ye s I will." I hung up and started dialing the airport. "What did Carlisle say?" " He thinks you're pregnant." I felt so numb; I couldn't believe this was really h appening. I had wanted this for Bella, for her to be a mother. But, not like thi s, not if she was really choosing me, not if I was the father. I mean, I had tho ught about kids, of course, but never in a serious way. It was just never in the cards for me, or so I thought... "Who are you calling now?" "The airport. We're going home." I couldn't believe how difficult it was to try and get the fastest flight home and absolutely nothing was direct. I argued and packed and thought. What had I done? What had we created? What kind of monster would it be? I could see a little monster running around, slaughtering everyone in its path. I knew the stories of children who had been changed. You could never reason with them, never explain, never teach. They only had their thirst and that's all they cared about. Would my child be like that? I cringed at the though. My child? No, sure ly it wasn't a child. It was a monster, an aberration. I turned to find that Bel la was no longer with me. How scared must she be? How mad at me she must be, for having done this to her, I finished the conversation on the phone, having made all the necessary arrangements and went to find her. "Bella?" I found her in the kitchen, crying. I was at her side in an instant, worried. I put my hands on he r face, looking into her eyes. "Are you in pain?" "No, no " I pulled her into my chest, as tight as I dared. "Don't be afraid. We'll be home in sixteen hours. Yo u'll be fine. Carlisle will be ready when we get there. We'll take care of this and you'll be fine, you'll be fine." I'm not sure who I was trying to soothe, he r or me. Of course she would be fine, because I just got her, and she couldn't b e taken way from me, not now. "Take care of this? What do you mean?" I leaned aw ay from her, looking into her eyes gain, promise. "We're going to get that thing out before it can hurt any part of you. Don't be scared. I won't let it hurt yo u." "That thing?" She gasped. Then I heard a voice in my head. Hope to get this done quickly. Hope the girl is still alive. What will we find when we get in the re? Kaure's thoughts were loud and pondering in my mind. "Damn it! I forgot Gust avo was due today. I'll get rid of them and be right back." I went to the door a nd answered it. I tried to get rid of them but Kaure was insistent. She told me

of the dinner she had brought and wanted to bring it in. I must make sure the gi rl is all right. I cannot leave until I see her. I didn't want to prolong the ar gument. I just wanted to get back to Bella so I let them in. I walked ahead, cro ssing to Bella, seeing more tears staining her face. "She insisting on leaving t he food she brought she make us dinner. It's an excuse; she wants to make sure I haven't killed you yes." I hadn't and I hope my moments of weakness wouldn't le ad to her death. I watched Kaure. She was too slow, too careful, watching Bella and me. She's upset, poor thing. Is he being awful to her? Is she in danger? "No t taking care of her properly," Kaure muttered under her breath. I lost my tempe r and told her she could leave. She turned to leave and the whirl made the smell of the fishy dish swirl in the air. I felt Bella stiffen beside me and then tur n and vomit in the sink. I threw the food in the fridge and returned to Bella, s oothing her with my wintery hands. I pulled her to me and I felt her touch her s tomach. What was that little monster doing to her? Kaure noticed this gesture to o. Her eyes opened in shock. Great, now the maid knew. "What have you done? What are you bringing into the world? It must not be allowed to live!" She was screa ming now. "Please, we don't know. We're returning home to my father, he's a doct or he will now what to do." I begged. "Please I love her; I love her more than m y own life. She's my wife, she is my everything. I just want to save her. Please ." I said resting my hand on Bella's cheek. "You've done this. You have created an aberration, it must be destroyed, cannot live." "I know, please. I'm just try ing to get her home so we can take care of it." I pleaded urgently. She gestured a round bmp jetting out of her belly to Bella. She asked me a few questions, ab out how she was feeling, how far along was she. She told me quickly of her legen ds. There was only one question I had. "Did any of these women survive long enou gh to give birth?" She shook her head. Pain and grief appeared on my face. I obv iously, couldn't let it get that far, but I already knew that. She walked over t o Bella, putting her hand over top of Bella's which was still on her stomach. Sh e said one word before leaving, "Morte." And I knew that Bella needed no transla tion. Death. I stood there taking this in. No woman had ever survived. I had to figure out a way for my Bella to live. I would trade my own life for hers, if I could. Bella started to walk away from me, "Where are you going?" "To brush my t eeth." "Don't worry about what she said. It's nothing more than legends, old lie s for the sake of entertainment." I said trying to keep her calm. "I didn't unde rstand anything." She said and I knew she was lying. "I packed your toothbrush. I'll get it for you."

"Are we leaving soon?" She called as I walked ahead of her to find her toothbrus h. "As soon as you're done." The sooner the better. I waited, pacing, trying to put all of this together, to make it all fit. Trying to figure out how to not lo ose my wife. She game me back her toothbrush and I pack it again. "I'll get the bags in the boat." "Edward " She said and I turned to look at her. "Yes?" She hes itated long enough for me to worry. "Could you...pack some food? You know, in ca se I get hungry again." "Of course. Don't worry about anything. We'll get to Car lisle in just a few hours, really. This will all be over soon." She nodded and I went to get the bags and food into the boat. I found her waiting in the kitchen . I scooped her up and brought her to the boat, sitting her down. The plane ride was torture. Bella either slept or was ill. We had to get several air sickness bags. Every minute was worse than the next. When she was sleeping I had time to think what I had done to her. What this meant. I knew it would be difficult for her. I worried about her soul. The whole reason we waited to make love was for h er virtue, for her soul, but how would aborting a vampire fetus fair on that? Wh en she wasn't asleep she was holding her stomach and being ill. I tried to hold her, use my hands as cold compresses, but nothing seemed to help. When we finall y arrived at the airport she walked slowly with me. Then she tensed as she saw m y family waiting for us there. She threw my arms from her shoulders and ran into the arms of the least likely person I would have expected; Rosalie. "You can't let them do it, Rose. You can't them take my baby." Bella cried into Rose's shou lder. "Shh, Bella. It's okay. I'm here now." Rosalie cooed, stroking her hair. " They won't do anything you don' want and if they try, they'll have to come throu gh me." Rosalie shot me a grin, full of malice and distrust. I finally understoo d. Bella was terrified, but it was not of the thing that grew inside her. She wa s terrified of me. She wanted the monster that she carried. The one that would k ill her. "Oh, it's a feisty little one, isn't it?" Rose said, placing her hand o n Bella's stomach. "Active already." "Yeah, he's my little nudger." Bella said, looking at Rosalie, a wide, glowing smile perched upon it. I shot a glance at Ca rlisle and I knew we were thinking the same thing. We both knew that this would. ..complicated matters. What the hell do we do now? Bella loved the monsters, she loved my family, she loved me and now she loved the tiny monster that was growi ng within her. The one she would die for.

Chapter 8 Home I was relieved to be in Rosalies arms, something I thought would n ever happen. She looked at me with a love and kindness that I had never seen and I knew Id make the right choice to call her. She would be our savior; she would take care of me and my little nudger. She wouldnt let Edward and Carlisle take hi m from me. My mind flitted back to the baby boy in my dreams; I focused on his b right green eyes. Its okay baby. Were safe now. I will take care of you. I saw him smile in my mind; it was that same crooked smile that Edward wore, the one that was my favorite. Well, it looks like we have much to discuss. Carlisle said, eyeb rows raised. We need to get you home, Bella. I am all set up there for you. You wont take him. I wont let you. I said hugging closer to Rosalie, my protector, our pro tector. No, Bella. I will not do anything against your wishes. But, please, I nee d to get you home. I need to do tests, make sure you and the creababy are alright . Carlisle said, changing his wording at the look of distain on my face. My baby was not a creature; he was a tiny baby, a sweet, innocent one. I looked at Rosal ie who nodded and smiled encouragingly. Its okay, Bella. I will never leave your s ide. We got into the car and I was wedged between Edward and Rose. I immediately fell asleep, leaning on Rose for support rather than my husband. I couldnt believ e he wanted to hurt our child, but I would never allow it. When I woke up we wer e home, my new home, The Cullen home. Rose carried me upstairs to a makeshift me dical clinic. Ultrasound machines, x-rays, centrifuges and needles, everything I hated and dreaded. But I didnt care. I knew I had to take care of my baby and I knew this was all part of that. Carlisle got to work right away. Edward stood ba ck against the wall and Rose held my hand. She encouraged me while Carlisle trie d to make heads or tails of his results. In the end, he didnt come up with much. The ultrasound couldnt see or hear anything, he didnt understand why until he trie d to stick a needle in my womb, for an amniocentesis. It was hard as a rock and couldnt be penetrated. He was obviously very well protected in there. I glanced a t Edward his face was in agony. When we were finally finished we all headed down stairs for a family discussion. I sat on the white couch next to Rose, while Edw ard paced the length of the room the entire time. The only thing I can determine is that you are, indeed, pregnant, Bella. Its impossible to say how long you are going to stay that way, or when your due date would be. Its extremely advanced. I t is already moving. Its development is.astounding. You need to understand just h ow dangerous this is for you. It doesnt matter. I said holding Roses hand. This is ma ness, Bella! It could kill you! Edward erupted. This time, only this one time, I truly feared him. I cowered into Rose and she put her arm around me. Edward, She s tarted but he cut her off.

No! Bella, its a monster. It will kill you. Hes not a monster, Edward. Its our child, your child and I love him. His face softened and he walked slowly, carefully to m e, to show me I had nothing to fear from him. He grabbed my hands and held them, looking into my eyes pleadingly. Please, Bella, please. I need you. You cant do t his. I cant loose you. Please, let Carlisle Edward, I love you. Nothing is going to happen to me. I will fight for him. For us. You have to understand. I love you both. There is no world without you and now there is no world without him. I said simply. He must have seen the resolve in my eyes. He lowered his head into my l ap and jumped back to the far wall. His head happened to be touching my stomach and my little nudger took that moment to kick for the first time. I gasped and C arlisle was at my side in an instant. Bella? Nothing. Im fine. Hes going to be strong , I think. I said startled by the biggest movement I had felt yet. Its okay, Edward . He was just saying hello. I think he heard your voice. I smiled encouragingly a t Edward, but he buried his face in his hands. I looked to Rose, needing a frien dly face. She is going to be my angel through this, I thought. Her smile was big and bright. I knew she would be my rock when things were bad and I knew they wo uld be. The day passed and Rose never did leave my side. I had napped and when t hey thought I was sleeping they had hushed conversations, all of them. Edward wa s begging for someone to do something, but no one would help him. Rose and Esme were behind me, I knew they would be, they both wanted children so badly. They w ould never allow the murder of my child, Esmes grandchild. With Rose and Esme beh ind me, Emmett and Carlisle would not go against them. It also helped that Carli sle couldnt kill another being; it just wasnt in his nature. Alice was no help bec ause she couldnt see the baby. Her vision was blocked, almost like with the werew olves, but more, somehow. It gave her a headache. Jasper wouldnt do anything with out Alices support, so Edwards hands were tied. He alone couldnt go through Rose, E mmett, Esme and Carlisle. He returned to sit on the arm of the sofa, I woke up and looked at him. He noticed me and heard my stomach growl. Would you like to try s ome food, love? I was nervous, I really hated being sick but I was getting very h ungry. Yes, please. Some eggs? I started to get up, but he motioned for me to sit. He got up and muttered something about least he could do and retreated to the kit chen. After I finished the delicious eggs, he always made the best! I felt very tired. He noticed my eyes close and I was suddenly in his arms, halfway up the s tairs before I noticed anything. He laid me on the bed and I saw my favorite swe atshirt laying there. I got up to remove my clothes to get into my shirt. As I p ulled my current shirt over my head I

heard Edward gasp and I felt him icy hands on my stomach. Bella, my god! Are you all right? He asked urgently. Fine, why? He whirled me around to face the mirror an d I saw a nice sized purple bruise on my abdomen. I guess he had kicked me as ha rd as I thought he had. Its fine, Edward. I dont even feel it. I said placing the sw eatshirt over my head and slipped into bed. He stared, frozen, into the mirror. C ould you come to bed now? I need to cuddle. I saw him snap back to reality and he crossed the room and came to lie next to me. I curled into his chest, relaxed b y the sound of his even breathing. Im so sorry, my love. Im sorry for what Im done t o you. Ive taken away everything from you, again. There is no way we can go to Da rtmouth now, for you to go to college. I reached up to stroke his face and kissed him gently on his hard lips. Youve given me something so much better, Edward. Hes going to be perfect. I love you. He hugged me so close, it was almost scary. You a re my everything, Bella. I dont know what Id do without- Im not going anywhere. I hav e two reasons to live now. I said cutting him off before I drifted to sleep. I re member waking up in the middle of the night and running to the nearest bathroom and vomiting for what seemed like forever. Even though I knew how opposed Edward was to the whole situation, he stayed his me the whole time, holding my hair ba ck and whipping my neck and face with his refreshing hands. When I was finally w orn out from being ill he brought me back to bed. Food was definitely going to b e a problem, I thought before drifting back off again. The next morning or after noon I guess, we had another family meeting. It was clear to everyone that I was showing even more today than yesterday. You need to call your father and we need to figure out what youre going to tell him. Carlisle said and he was right. I kne w he was, but it was not a conversation I was looking forward to. Carlisle saw m y expression. I believe that we should tell him you contracted a parasite in Rio. You should tell him I have quarantined you and he cannot visit. He obviously ca nt see you in youre current condition. He said looking at my bulging belly and, of course, I had to agree. There was no way I could explain being this pregnant aft er he had seen me less than a month ago. I will talk to him also, give him my med ical opinion. I nodded as Esme handed me the phone, putting her hand encouragingl y on my shoulder. I took a deep breath and dialed Charlies number. Hi Dad. I said w hen he answered. I didnt need to put on an act; I knew I sounded tired and ill. Be lla? Are you all right? He asked immediately, apparently I sounded as bad as I th ought I did. Im okay dad, but I have picked up some kind of bug when we were in Ri o. Im back home now,

Carlisle if taking good care of me. Oh, Bella. Ill come see you. Ive missed you. I kn w dad, Ive missed you too. But, this bug is pretty bad, I guess. Carlisle says no visitors right now. Im your father and Im coming to see you. Let me talk to Carlisl e, now. He demanded. I passed the phone to Carlisle who put on his most convincin g voice. Hello, Charlie. There was a pause while my dad was probably demanding ans wers. Of course I realize shes your daughter Charlie, but Im only doing whats best f or her. Dont worry, Im taking care of her. It is a serious bug, Charlie, a parasit e actually. Please, understand, I need a clean environment, thats why shes here in stead of at the hospital. Yes, it is that serious. He paused again, listening. Ok, here she is. He handed the phone back to me. Hi dad. Okay kiddo, so Charlie says y ou need to be kept all safe and comfortable so you can get better. But I will ta lk to you everyday. You call me anytime, you hear? I love you, Bella. I nearly dr opped the phone at that moment. My little nudger kicked me so hard I tried not t o scream in pain. They all saw the look on my face and interpreted it correctly. Carlisle was immediately in front of me. Okay dad, I love you, bye. I said quickl y, flipping the phone shut. I leaned my head back on the couch letting the tears well up and roll silently down my cheeks. Bella? Edward asked panicked, grabbing my hand. Just a kick, Im fine. I just have to get used to it. Edward groaned and fe ll to him knees. Please, Bella. I cant stand this, seeing you in so much pain. The re isnt a way for you to survive this. Oh Edward. I said, remembering how Esme had l ost her baby, her son. I thought of her pain and despair. And I remembered the s tory of her jumping off the cliff and how Carlisle found her and changed her, to save her life. He looked pleadingly into my eyes, and as I spoke I knew he woul d understand what I meant to happen. Of course, Edward. My body is only human. I will keep myself alive for as long as I can. Then it will be up to you to save m e, just like Carlisle saved Esme. I know, Edward, I will not survive this human. And there was that look of understanding, which mingled with shock and absolute horror at what I had planned for myself. Chapter 9 Surprise It was a week since I had gotten home and I was on the phone with Charlie, again. I talked to him everyday, at exactly the same time. It wasnt hard to sound sick, I was worse now. I was so hungry. I couldnt keep anything do wn. I was ill every time I tried to eat anything, eventually I pretty much gave up any hope. I would survive, keep my heart beating and my lungs breathing as lo ng as I could and after that I put my life in Edward and Carlisles hands. All I c ould

do was hope it would work, just like it had for Esme. I was huge already, probab ly looked about seven months if it had been a normal pregnancy. Yes, dad, Im tryin g to get better. Everything will be all right. Itll be fine. Theyre all taking rea lly good care of me. I want to talk to Carlisle, now. Charlie demanded. Once again I nodded at my father-in-law and handed him the phone. Hello, Charlie. Yes, I kno w you want to see her. I know you dont care about yourself getting sick, but Im no t protection you, Charlie, Im protecting Bella. I know she has been reassuring yo u, Charlie, but the fact is that this is serious, very serious. I am keeping her in a clean and carefully controlled environment. You wouldnt want to jeopardize her health any more, now would you? There was a pause and Carlisle nodded. Shes act ually fell asleep, but I will tell her and I will keep you informed. He said snap ping the phone shut. I really wish you hadnt told him that. Theres no need to Bella, this is serious. And he would have come here. We cant let him see you like this, its isnt safe fore him. He said as I glared at him, my expression softening as I th ought, finally nodding. Charlie was stubborn, like me, it wasnt difficult to see where I got it from. I was constantly warring with myself with which was more im portant, keeping in him the dark for his own safety, or to ease his worries, or to just tell him. But I knew I never could. His safety would be in jeopardy. The Volturi would come. That and I didnt think he could handle all this new informat ion, like vampires and fantasy worlds and his 18 year old daughter being seven m onths pregnant when hed only seen her less than a month ago looking nothing less that fit. I was getting tired of this couch, but it was better than being up in the hospital wing that Carlisle had created. And I really couldnt stay cooped up in my bedroom either. I glanced at Edward who was sitting on the floor by my hea d. I reached down to stroke his hair. He turned to look at me and I saw the pain and agony on his face. I felt awful, guilty, about this look. His eyes were bla ck and empty. I knew he was starving. He had rarely left my side since this whol e thing started, certainly never to hunt. Hi, I said, trailing my cold fingers dow n his cheeks. You look thirsty. You should go and hunt. Ill be fine, really. He rea ched to stroke my hair, looking deep into my eyes. Not a chance. He said giving m e a half smile that didnt reach his eyes. I missed his amber eyes. These black ey es were cold and dark and if I didnt know him better, frightening. I hated that I was doing this to him. He was so worried about me and I hated to put him throug h this, but there was no way around it, not that I could see. And with any luck it wouldnt last all that much longer. As soon as our baby was ready I could give in and he could change me, then our family would be perfect. Sometimes, especial ly in the darkness of the night, the doubts would creep in. One night was partic ularly bad. Edward and Carlisle were discussing something in the other room and Rosalie was sitting with me in my room. I had been thinking and the thoughts and fears came fast and furious. I started to cry and Rose was at my side in an ins tant. Bella? Whats wrong? What is it?

I sniffled and looked at her as she stroked my hair. Its nothing, just afraid I gu ess. Hoping Im doing the right thing. I thought she would immediately jump in and tell me I was, indeed, doing the right thing and not to worry. But, instead she furrowed her lovely brows; she must have sensed I needed more than reassurances. I needed to talk. What are you frightened about? WellWhat if it doesnt work? What if its too late for the venom to work? Youre afraid of dying? No. Im afraid of leaving m, them. What if I die? Who will look after the baby? Edward wont be able to do i t. What will happen to him? And then, will the baby hate me for not being around for him? Will he know who I was? What if they try to kill him after Im gone? Rose rubbed my back soothingly. Shh, Bella, relax. You dont need to worry, that isnt go ing to happen. You are going to be fine. What if Im not? She sighed and humoured me. Fine, I promise you, that if anything happens to you I will look after the baby and I will do what I can for Edward. There are plenty of people who love them bo th, who will take care of them. They will never hurt the baby, I wont let them. Sh e paused, thoughtful for a moment. And I swear, your baby will know who you are. S he said stroking my face as I started to cry more. I desperately worried that I would never have the chance to know my baby. Hush, Bella. You dont want to worry E dward. Hell be back any moment. She said, hugging me. This was the moment that Ros e went from being my protector to my sister. She was so sweet, so tender with me . It was a side I rarely saw of her, and I really liked it. She sat with me unti l Edward returned and took over stroking my hair and humming my lullaby for me, until I drifted off to sleep. I dreamt that night. It wasnt so much a nightmare, or a dream, it just...was. I could see Edward and he was holding a baby, our bab y. I kept walking towards them, but they never got any closer. I tried to reach them, but they just looked at me. I wasnt panicked, but I knew I had to get to th em. I never did before I was awakened with a start from a kick from my nudger. I tried to stifle the loud gasp as I grasped my stomach tightly, I really did, bu t it escaped anyway. The light was on immediately and Edward was leaning over me before I even had time to open my eyes. He put his hand on top of mine and stro ked my hair. Bella? Fine. Just a kick. I said through gritted teeth and I heard Edwa rd groan into my shoulder. I could tell it was morning and I really didnt want to sleep anymore, so I asked to be brought downstairs. That was when I had talked to Charlie and I knew he was getting worried and he had no idea what to do. The situation was starting to get desperate and we needed to figure out what we were going to do. I sat on the couch pondering what they would tell Charlie had happ ened to me. Where would they say I went for a whole year, at least? It was frust rating to think that maybe it would just be better for him if he thought I was d ead. He would stop worrying about me and start the whole grieving

process. Then I was brought out of I thoughts as Edward stiffened beside me and hissed. Edward? What is it? Jacob is here. There was some quick, hushed muttering th at I didnt catch but I gathered that this would not be a friendly visit. Ill get th e door. Carlisle said, resigned. He knew Edward didnt want to leave my side if he didnt absolutely have to. Hello Jacob. Carlisle said before I heard him open the do or, or even heard the knock on the door. How are you? When Jacobs voice came it was strained and unfriendly. I heard Bella made it back alive. Er, Jacob, its not reall y the best time. Could we do this later? This is ridiculous I thought... What bet ter time would there be? Cant we just let him in? I whispered as Edward shook his h ead. Why not? I asked loudly. Are we keeping secrets from Jacob now too? Whats the p oint? I cleared my throat, trying to sound half way normal. Come in, please, Jacob . Edward put his head in his hands, I knew he was wishing that I would just let i t go, but I couldnt. Excuse me. I heard Jacob say, probably pushing past Carlisle. Everyone was crowding around me and I knew they were protecting me in case Jacob lost it, but I really wished they would back off. I was a little embarrassed. I didnt want Jacob to see me this way. I had lost weight, was much skinner, despit e my growing belly. Id stopped looking into a mirror because it got depressing an d scary. My cheek bones jutted out as my cheeks sunk in and my eyes had deep, da rk circles under them. I would rather not have Jacob remember me this way. It wo uld have been better for him to remember how I looked when we were fixing out bi kes or just sitting around talking, or my wedding day; I was beautiful then. But , I was selfish and I wanted to see him. I saw him look at me and then something inside me turned. I looked urgently up at Rose and she knew immediately what I needed. A split second later she had a bed pan under my chin. I grabbed the sofa as I threw up violently into it. Edward dropped to his knees before me and I sa w the pain in his face, the agony. He leaned his head against my knee as I strok ed his hair lightly. Sorry about that. I said looking at Jacob timidly. That was r eally gross and I felt bad that he had to see that. It was bad enough being ill in front of my husband, let alone anyone else. Jacob looked concerned as he cros sed the room quickly, but Rose stepped in his way, hissing. I lifted my hand and grabbed hers. Rose, dont. Its fine. She moved out of the way so I could see Jacob, and came to crouch protectively by my head. Bella, whats wrong? He grabbed me hand, which was now almost as icy as Edwards. His eyebrows creased in confusion and wo rry. Are you alright?

I didnt know how to answer that, the obvious answer was, not so much, no, so I ig nored it. Im so glad you came to see my today, Jacob. And it was true, I didnt know if I would ever see him again. I had no idea how much time I had left. I felt Ed ward groan and push himself even closer into my blanket. I just continued stroki ng his hair. Jacob felt so warm on my hand it felt nice. I didnt think I would ev er get to feel warmth like this ever again. What is it Bella? I couldnt think how to answer his question, all I could think was that I needed to show him. I looke d to everyone, pleading with them to understand why I needed to do this. Help me up, Rose? I saw Rose glare at Jacob, probably considering destroying him. Please, Rose? I begged, struggling to get to my feet. No, dont get up Jacob whispered as Rose put her arms around me helping me up. Im answering your question. I snapped still struggling to hold my balance, cradling my giant, heavy belly; it was almost a c hore just to stay upright. He took a long while looking, then gaping at me. I sa w at the moment understanding flooded over him and he looked furious. Edward was instantly on his feet, angry. Outside, Jacob. He said stepping in front of me. Lets do this, Jacob snarled, and I heard the malice in his voice. I saw Emmett and Ja sper move to directly behind Edward, flanking him. No, I cried, grasping at Edward , nearly toppling over, Rose had to catch me before I fell. I just need to talk t o him, Bella. Edward said, stroking my cheek soothingly. Dont strain yourself. Plea se, rest. Well both be back in just a few minutes. I hoped he wasnt just trying to placate me, but I started to feel a little light headed so I didnt put up much of a fight. Rose sensed my ill feeling and put me gently back on the couch. Behave, I ordered, my gaze never leaving Jacobs. The last thing I needed was a dead werew olf, a dead Jacob on my hands. But then again, the very last thing I needed was a dead husband. Edward was so distracted and forlorn; I wasnt sure how much of a fight he could put up. And then come back, I added as Jacob turned his back to me and followed Edward out. I wanted them not to leave me. I wanted them to just ge t a long. I wondered what they were saying out there. Then a thought occurred to me. Would Jacob try to kill me and my baby? I mean, surely he wouldnt kill me, r ight? I was still humanbut I was carrying something inside me, something he would consider a monster. I put my hands on my belly protectively. I felt a small kic k, I winced a little, but it was just a small onecomparatively. Everyone looked a t me but I just smiled, rubbing my stomach. Its okay, baby. I thought reassuringl y to my stomach. Nothing is wrong, no one is going to hurt you. Jacob is my frie nd. Hed never hurt meI hope. I suddenly remembered his rough kisses, my broken han d, the tent, and when he grabbed me at my wedding. I amended; Hed never hurt me, intentionally.

Chapter 10 Understanding I kept waiting for Edward and Jacob to return. Edward t old me not to worry, but I knew the animosity between the two of them was still more than present. I tried to stay relaxed as Esme met me on the couch, stroking my hair gently trying to soothe me, humming softly. I looked at her and she smi led lovingly at me. I had a sudden sting of shock, realizing this woman who look ed absolutely no older than thirty would be a grandmother in only a short while, my childs grandmother. She looked the furthest away from a grandmother than anyo ne could possibly be. But as she moved her hand from my hair, brushing my cheek and resting her hand on my stomach, I watched her lean in and lay her head there next to her hand. Hello, baby. She said softly. Im your grandma, Esme. You be safe and warm in there and then I cant wait to meet you, my little angel. She whispered , running her hand slowly, gently across my bulge. All my fears about possibly l eaving my baby, about dying were washed away. If I didnt make it my baby would be more than loved, more than just taken care of. He would be adored. I smiled at her and then she leaned up, looking into my eyes once more. When I was pregnant m y husband would speak to our baby like that. I think they both liked it, he woul d kick when he heard his father. She smiled sadly at me. I wasnt sure if she was s ad because of her past life or because she was upset that Edward was not enjoyin g the great joys of being a first time parent, maybe it was a little of both. I was broken from my reverie as Esme left my side, hearing Edward and Jacob making their way back to me. I was ecstatic that Jacob had decided to come back, not j ust leave. Also, that they have not killed each other. I saw Jacob hesitate in t he doorway while Edward walked into the middle of his family. My eyes flickered back and forth from Edward to Jacobs and back again, waiting for someone to say s omething. I wished Edward would come to me, but he just stood there, looking ago nized. Were going to let Jacob and Bella speak privately. He sounded strange, empty and it broke my heart that he was feeling so dejected at this time when we shou ld be celebrating. Over my pile of ashes, Rose hissed. She came to me and placed a cold soothing hand on my cheek. Bella, Edward said turning to me. He sounded more like a friend than my husband and that stung. Jacob wants to talk to you. Are yo u afraid to be alone with him? To be one hundred percent honest, I wasnt totally s ure of my answer. I didnt know how Jacob felt about my little nudger and I was a little frightened of what he might think or do. But, also, I did want to talk to him. I was glad, at this moment, Edward couldnt hear my thought. I decided to go with the Jacob I had known when we were in his garage, fixing out bikes, rather then the Jacob who was at my wedding. I choose to believe the Jacob that was st anding in front of me was the Jacob who would never hurt me. Rose, its fine. Jakes not going to hurt us. Go with Edward. It might be a trick, She warned

I thought of this for a moment, considering. I dont see how. Carlisle and I will alw ays be in your sight, Rosalie, Edward assured her. His voice cracked and he was u pset, although he tried to hide it. Were the ones shes afraid of. My expression chan ged to horror. No. I gasped. No, Edward, Im not I said pleading for him to not see it that way; I was only protecting me and my nudger. I loved him and I miss him, bu t I knew that this was the way it had to be for now. He couldnt understand me and I certainly couldnt understand him not wanting out baby. It was a part of him an d a part of me. If I could hold on a little longer there would be something left here, to show I was here, if I didnt make it through. Edward looked at me, his e yes on fire with pain, but he tried to smile for me, it was no where near my fav orite crooked smile that I loved and missed. I didnt mean it that way, Bella. Im fi ne. Dont worry about me. Like that was going to happen, I thought. How could I no t worry about him when he looked so lost and hurt? I longed for that day when I could see his crooked, bright smile, and sparking amber eyes. Some days it was t he only thing that got me through the pain. I hoped that I could see that smile, at least, once more before I died. Everyone, Edward said, motioning for the doorw ay. Please. I watched, or tried to watch the room clear out, my new family leaving me with an old friend, all except one. Rose, I want you to go. Edward waited sile ntly at the door for his sister to leave and she glowered at him, gesturing for him to go first. She turned her gaze and glared at Jacob warningly for a long wh ile before she followed the others out. Jacob crossed the room and took both my icy hands in his hot ones. He stared at our hands as he rubbed them. He was even warmer than I remembered or was it simply because I was so cold? Thanks, Jake. T hat feels nice. I said marveling at the feel of his hot hands on mine. It only ma de me miss him more. Im not going to lie, Bells. Youre hideous. I know, I said, sighi g. I scary-looking. I knew he was trying to joke with me, lightening the mood a li ttle, but we both knew it was true. Thing-from-the-swamp scary, He joked, agreeing with me. I laughed. This was what I missed about Jake, he could always make me laugh and laughing was in very short supply around here. Its so good having you he re. It feels nice to smile. I dont know how much more drama I can stand. Jake look ed directly into my eyes and rolled his, making sure there was no way I could mi ss it. Okay, okay. I bring it on myself. I admitted.

Yeah, you do. Whatre you thinking, Bells? Seriously? Did he ask you to yell at me? I was so tired of all the lectures and pleading. Sort of. Though I cant figure out w hy he thinks youd listen to me. You never have before. I sighed knowing that Edwar d would try anything to get me to change my mind and Jacob was right, I would ne ver let anyone take my baby from me. I told you He started before I cut him off. Did you know that I told you so has a brother, Jacob? I paused for full effect. His nam e is Shut the hell up. Good one. I smiled and chuckled; remember the rerun of the Sim psons I had seen. Id wanted to use it for a long time, now I was glad to have fina lly had the opportunity. I cant take the credit I got it off a rerun of The Simpso ns. Missed that one. It was funny. We were silent for a few moments, neither one of u knowing how to break the silence. Did he really ask you to talk to me? I knew it wasnt fair to bring Jacob into this. I knew I should tell him to leave, but I mis sed him so much and it felt so great o have him here, I just couldnt do it. To tal k some sense into you. Theres a battle thats lost before it starts. I watched him; he looked as though he was searching for the words. He looked pained, so I jumpe d in. Itll work out you know. I told him. I believe that. Is dementia one of your sym toms? He snapped at me and he reminded me of the last time Id seen him, at my wedd ing. I decided to lighten the mood. I laughed. Maybe. Im not saying things will wo rk out easily, Jake. But how could I have lived though all that Ive lived through and not believe in magic by this point. Magic? Especially for you. I said rememberin g a conversation I had with Edward a few months earlier. More than anyone else, y ouve got some magic waiting to make things right for you. I said, feeling a little better about all that Jacob was going through, knowing that sometime, someone w ho was right for him would come along and he would be happy again. I pulled my h ands away from his and placed them on either side of his face. I looked deep int o his eyes, rubbing his cheeks, willing him to finally be able to let go of me. God knows I couldnt do it, maybe if he did, it would be easier for me. What are yo u babbling about?

Edward told me once what it was like your imprinting thing. He said it was like A Midsummer Nights Dream, like magic. Youll find who youre really looking for, Jacob and maybe then all of this will make sense. I tried to explain, I knew no one, e specially not Edward and Jacob, could possibly understand my resolve. He was sud denly angry, making me flinch. He growled. If you think that imprinting could eve r make sense of this insanity He paused with fury, trying to find the words. Do you really think that just because I might someday imprint on some stranger it woul d make this right? He jabbed a finger at my swollen belly and I instinctively wra pped my arms around myself protectively. Tell me what the point was then, Bella! What was the point of me loving you? What was the point of you loving him? When you die? How is that ever right again? What the point to all the pain? Mine, you r, his! Youll kill him, too, not that I care about that. His words were coming fas t and furious as he was snarling at me. I flinched when he mentioned Edward and my thoughts strayed to the Volturi in Italy. So what was the point of your twiste d love strong, in the end? If there is any sense, please, show me, Bella, becaus e I dont see it. I sighed. I dont know yet Jake. But I justfeelthat this is all going somewhere good, hard to see as it is now, I guess you could call it faith. Youre dy ing for nothing, Bella! Nothing! He shouted. I rubbed my belly. I was definitely dying for something, I thought. I was dying for him. I knew Jake would never see it that way and I only planned on staying alive just long enough. Im not going to die. I said, trying to control my own anger and frustration. I was tired of expl aining, tired of fighting. I will keep my heart beating. Im strong enough for that . Thats a load of crap, Bella. Youve been trying to keep up with the supernatural fo r too long. No normal person can do it. Youre not strong enough. He emphasized, ta king my face in his hands. I can do this. I can do this. I muttered quietly, not t rusting myself to keep my calm. Doesnt look like it to me. So whats your place? I h ope you have one. I nodded; this was the conversation I was not looking forward t o. I knew exactly how he was going to react when I told him what I was intending to do. I thought of the best way to broach it. Did you know Esme jumped off a cl iff? When she was human, I mean. I said quietly, taking my eyes from him. So? So she was close enough to dead that they didnt even bother taking her to the emergency room they took her right to the morgue. Her heart was still beating, though whe n Carlisle found her I paused, knowing he would understand. You arent planning to su rvive this human, He said in an empty voice, realizing I did intent to die, howev er this turned out... No, Im not stupid. I turned my gaze to look into his eyes aga in and chuckled lightly. Although I guess you probably have your own opinions on that point though. Emergency vampirazation, he said shaking his head slowly. It work ed for Esme. And Emmett and Rosalie and even Edward. None of them were in such

great shape. Carlisle only changed them because it was that or death. He doesnt e nd lives, he saves them. His eyes bored into mine, pleading. Listen to me, Bells. Dont do it that way. Dont wait until its too late, Bella. Not that way. Live, okay? Just live. Dont do this to me. Dont do this to him. The pleading suddenly changed to something else, back to anger? You know what hes going to do when you die. Youve seen it before. You want him to go back to those Italian Killers? I cringed thin king of the Volturi again. He was so desperate to find any way to keep me alive. I knew he didnt care about what Edward would or wouldnt do if I were to die, if m y plan didnt work. He struggled to contain himself, to not frighten me. Remember w hen I got mangled up by those newborns? What did you tell me? I pursed my lips to gether like a stubborn child, refusing to answer. Surely he must at least unders tand these two situations were completely different. You told me to be good and l isten to Carlisle. He stated. And what did I do? I listened to the vampire. For yo u. I shook my head, You listened because you knew it was the right thing to do. Okay pick either reason. I took a deep breath, preparing to talk about this one more time, trying to explain why I was going what I had to do. Its not the right thing now. My hand began rubbing my stomach lightly. I wont kill him. Oh, I hadnt heard the great news. A bouncing baby boy, huh? Should brought some blue balloons. His voic e was like acid. I could feel my cheeks flushing, I dont know hes a boy. The ultras ound wouldnt work. The membrane around the baby is too hard like their skin. So h es a little mystery. But I always see a boy in my head. I admitted, knowing that n o one but a pregnant woman or mother would understand. Its not some pretty baby in there, Bella. I thought to the baby boy I saw in my dreams. The piercing green e yes, the beautiful smile. Well see. You wont. He snarled. Youre very pessimistic, J There is definitely a chance I might walk away from this. I could see his fury a s he began shaking. He was trying to calm himself. I gave him a moment to collec t himself. Jake. I soothed, rubbing his hair and then stroking his cheek. Its going to be okay. Shh. Its okay. No. It wont be ok. He said not looking at me, I felt so ba d that this was so hard for him. I watched a few tears spill silently from his e yes and I whipped them away gently. Shh.

What the deal, Bella? I thought the whole point was that you wanted your vampire more than anything. And now youre giving him up? That doesnt make any sense. Since when are you so desperate to be a mom? If you wanted that so much, why did you marry a vampire? I thought for a moment, knowing this was another thing that he w ould just never understand. I had never really wanted kids, they were certainly not a possibility for me and Edward, or so we thought and I wanted Edward, so I pushed the idea of babies out of my head. It wasnt until I was pregnant with my l ittle nudger that I knew this was also what I wanted, in addition to Edward. Its n ot like that. I didnt care about having a baby. I didnt even think about it. Its no t just having a baby. Its wellthis baby. Its a killer, Bella. Look at yourself. Hes Its me. Im just weak and human. But I can tough this out Jake, I can - Aww, come on ! Shit up, Bella. You can spout this crap to your bloodsucker, but youre not fool ing me. You know youre not going to make it. I glared at him. I do not know that. Im worried about it sure. Worried about it, He repeats, gritting his teeth. Just then my nudger decided to stretch, kicking me hard. I gasped and clutched my stomach , willing myself not to cry out. It was bad enough Edward had to hear me when th e nudger kicked especially hard; I was not going to subject Jake to that, too. I hadnt fooled him apparently. His eyes were wide on me. Im fine. Its nothing. I said gasping. Thats when I realized he was looking, horrified, at my stomach. When I h ad clutched at my belly, my sweat shirt had ridden up. He had seen my bulging be lly, black and blue and purple and green and yellow, a rainbow of bruises in var ious stages of healing. I quickly yanked my shirt back down, wishing I had notic ed much sooner. Hes strong, thats all. I said defensively. Bella. Jake said, sad but etermined, no longer angry. Bella, dont do this. Jake - I started but he cut me off. isten to me. Dont get your back up yet, okay? Just listen. What if he paused and I got impatient. What if what? What if this wasnt a one shot deal? What if it wasnt all or nothing? What if you just listened to Carlisle like a food girl and kept you rself alive? I wont- Im not done yet. So you stay alive. Then you start over. This di nt work out. Try again. I couldnt understand what he meant, things would be no diff erent. I frowned reaching to smooth the worry line that had formed on Jakes brow. I dont understandWhat do you mean, try again? You cant think Edward would let me And what different would it make? Im sure any baby -.

Yes. He snapped. Any kid of his would be the same. Then realization flooded over me and I was disgusted, insulted. Oh. Ugh! Please, Jacob. You think I should kill my baby and replace it with some genetic substitute. Artificial insemination? Anger flowed threw my veins at the thought of his suggestion. Why would I want to have some strangers baby? I supposed it just doesnt make a difference. Any baby will d o? No one understood. This was my baby. Half me, half Edward, the very best pf us , combined into one. I didnt mean that. He said quietly, almost ashamed. Not a stra ngers baby. Then what are you saying? This was not making any sense to me. Nothing. I saying nothing. Same as ever. Where did that come from? Forget it, Bella. Did he ask you to say that? I asked suspiciously. Was this what they were discussing behind my back? Possible sperm donors? How best to beak it to the crazy pregnant lady? N o. He said after hesitating. He did, didnt he? No, really. He didnt say anything abou artificial whatever. I was quiet, stewing, but then I softened as I remembered t he look of pain and sorrow that was always perched on Edwards face. He would do an ything for me. And Im hurting him so much But what is he thinking? That I would tr ade this - I said tracing my fingers over my belly for some strangers And here came those bloody tears that I furiously fought to keep back. You dont have to hurt him , he whispered. You could make him happy again, Bella. And I think hes loosing it. Honestly I do. But I wasnt listening. My brain was starting to turn that little wh eel. I rubbed my belly absentmindedly while my brain ran it over and over again. Not a stranger, not a stranger, not a stranger. A horrible picture was forming in my mind. Not a stranger? I murmured, barely audible. What exactly did Edward say to you? Nothing. He just thought you might listen to me. Not that. About trying aga in. Nothing. He said simply. But I already knew, understood. Wow. We didnt talk for a ong while and I was stewing again. He really would do anything wouldnt he?

I couldnt believe my husband was willing to hand me over so willingly to any othe r man. Would they artificially inseminate me with Jacobs sperm? Or did Edward pic ture dropping me off at Jacobs at night, leaving me there to have sex with him, l etting him put his hands all over me, being inside me. And then, what? Edward wo uld return in the morning to pick me up and I go back to being his wife? I told y ou he was going crazy. Literally, Bells. Im surprised you didnt tell on him right aw ay. Get him in trouble. I grinned, trying to lighten the mood again. Thought about it. He tried to grin, but it was more of a grimace. I thought for a moment, look ing at Jacob. He was such a good friend and I realized what it must have done to him to offer himself to me in that way. There isnt much you wouldnt do for me, eit her, is there? I really dont deserve either of you. I whispered, looking at my han ds. It makes no difference, though does it? Not this time. I smiled apologetically. I wish I could explain it to you right so that you would understand. I cant hurt h im. I said rubbing my stomach again anymore than I could pick up a gun and shoot y ou. I love him. Why do you always have to love the wrong things, Bella? I dont think I do. Trust me, he said, swallowing hard. He got to his feet and I grabbed at his a rm. Where are you going? Im not doing any good here. Dont go. I pleaded, staring in s eyes. I dont belong here. Ive got to get back. Why did you come today? I desperatel y wanted to figure out a way for him to stay, even for just a little longer. I d idnt know if I would ever see him again. Just to see if you were really alive. I d idnt believe you were sick like Charlie said. Will you come back again? Before Im no oing to hang around and watch you die, Bella. He said harshly and I flinched away from him. I needed to be strong here and let him go. I needed to cause him no m ore pain. Youre right, youre right. You should go. Id hurt him more than any one pers on should ever be hurt. He should run from me and I should let him go. Bye. Love you, Jake. I said goodbye to my friend, which I knew could very well be for the v ery last time. Sure, sure. He mumbled on his way out. The door closed and he was g one.

I looked at the door and burst into long, hard sobs. Id said goodbye to Jake so m any times before, but this time felt so final, permanent. Edward was at my side almost the minute my tears had started. I knew he had heard everything and more as he knew what Jacob was thinking. I was almost tempted to ask Edward what Jake was thinking, but I shopped myself, knowing it would be an invasion of his priv acy and it would hurt Edward for me to ask him. Me sitting here, crying over Jac ob Black, again, was bad enough. He held me, rubbing my back, whipping away my t ears, stroking my hair. He never said anything. I was tired of feeling sad, of b eing broken. Suddenly I remembered Jacobs offer that really came from Edward and I was hurt and angry all over again. Edward? I said as my tears and sobs slowed. Ye s, my love. He said soothingly. There is something Jake mentioned and I need to ta lk to you about it. I said pulling back from him to look into his eyes. He didnt s ay anything so I looked into his eyes, mine still filled with tears. Did you sugg est too Jacob that I could get rid of our child and trying again, to have a baby , with him? He looked at me, probably trying to decide on an answer that would ma ke me the least upset. Apparently he didnt come up with anything, so he simply sa id, Yes. My eyes started to well up more. Edward, how could you offer me to another man like that? Im your wife, Edward. Doesnt that mean anything to you anymore? He just looked at me, saying nothing. I love you, Edward. I know things are hard rig ht now. But you cant just hand me over to another man. This is our child. Its part of me and part of you. Dont you love me? His eyes had a burning black fire in the m. He dropped to his knees in front of me and grabbed my hands tightly in his. Of course I love you, Bella. Dont you see thats why I did it? It would kill me to th ink of youyou, with him, but having you live and be happy would make it at least bearable, because I need you. I need for you to live. I need for you to respect me . I am your wife and you are my husband and this- I said, taking his hands and pl acing them on my stomach. This is our child. I need for you to try, try to love h im. Try to understand why I want him. Try to respect that. Our child gave a tiny little nudge right into Edwards hands. It was a sweet moment and thankfully not p ainful at all. Edward looked at me and his eyes were just full of emotion. I saw concern, I saw fear. I saw love and I saw something new. A small flicker of som ething that resembled wonder. Was Edward starting to come around? Would he be ab le to see things my way? I certainly hoped so as he raised himself ever so sligh tly and gave me a tender, soft kiss on my lips.