You are on page 1of 4

On Carrying Out a Relationship with an Unbeliever Jonah Elbert B. Rosaroso I. Having relationships is a normal aspect of mans social being.

I aim to set forth the attitude Christians should have regarding this matter and how we should deal with it. We will embark with the specific question, What does the Bible say about having a relationship with an unbeliever? Does Gods word accredit it or not? What I intend then, is to probe into Gods word and find any necessary rule towards this question. Now this is a necessary topic for those who do feel engaged in the same predicament. Actually, we could not find a single command in the New Testament expressly answering the question above. However, this does not dissolve the issue as needless, and then invent our answers for it. If we truly are Bible believers, we ought to trust that God does have an answer to this. Every will of God is (and should be) accredited by his own word. His word answers all things necessary for our Christian walk. In this article, I will use the term relationship to denote the relationship between a man and a woman. I would also engage with passages that deal with marriage. In case one would think that marriage and having pre-marriage1 relationships are different, I would note that they are not entirely different. Marriage is the actualization of these previous relationships. What then is the essence of premarital relationships if not for the culmination of marriage? Any relationship that is independent of the thought of future marriage is at its core void and useless, and ought to be abandoned at once. They do not glorify God. So then we will take specific Scriptural passages about marriage to be effectual to premarital relationships. Let us start with the New Testament since it embodies the real aspect of truth2, as revealed by Christ and his Apostles, with the verse: II. A wife is bound to her husband as long as he lives. But if her husband dies, she is free to be married to whom she wishes, only in the Lord. (1 Corinthians 7:39) Paul was instructing the Corinthian church of certain practical concerns. The context is about remarriage, or marrying again after being bereaved. Here, Paul relays that whenever a wifes husband dies, she will be free to marry anyone she wishes to, and yet with a certain limitation: only in the Lord. Now in analyzing the Apostles style of writing, we can conclude that, in accordance to his theology, marriage should necessarily be between believers. We took that from Pauls mode of speech. We could say that in Pauls exhortation about freedom of marriage, he fixed back in mind the original norm for marriage: to marry those with the same faith. This line of thought is also evident in passages like 1 Corinthians 9:5: Do we not have the right to take along a believing wife, as do the other apostles and the brothers of the Lord and Cephas? Here Paul in defense of his ministry defends the freedom he and the fellow laborers have in Christ. He goes on to argue for their right to eat and drink3 (9:4), and then to also have a wife. Notice that Paul
1 2

Or Premarital, that is, before marriage. Meaning, relations as what we call as having a boyfriend or a girlfriend. The Old Testament (specifically the Law), as the New Testament writers relate, is a shadow of the real things, the real things revealed in Christ, as relayed by the Apostles. (See Colossians 2:17, Hebrews 8:5, 10:1.) 3 The phrase eating and drinking is often associated with celebrations, meaning, eating and drinking (more specifically, wine) in feasts.

does not merely say wife, but adds the adjective believing. Here, as well as in the previous verse we tackled, we could say that Paul expressed freedom for relationships if and only if the relationship is with a fellow believer. For arguments sake, in case one would question the limits, as to whether they cohere with Christian freedom, I answer that the limitation Paul relates, instead of enslaving, actually is placed to serve freedom. It is for the cause of freedom that Paul bids the believers to limit the scope of people to whom they would have relationship with. Bondage comes when one is attached with someone who is a slave of sin, and Paul wanted to spare that from them. Now confidently we could conclude from these given verses alone that upon4 entering a relationship, both should be believers. But to extend the reasons why this is so, we will continue with a few more: III. I want you to be free from anxieties. The unmarried man is anxious about the things of the Lord, how to please the Lord. But the married man is anxious about worldly things, how to please his wife, and his interests are divided. And the unmarried or betrothed woman is anxious about the things of the Lord, how to be holy in body and spirit. But the married woman is anxious about worldly things, how to please her husband. I say this for your own benefit, not to lay any restraint upon you, but to promote good order and to secure your undivided devotion to the Lord. (1 Corinthians 7:32-35) The issue of devotion holds a potent reason for or against having unbelieving partners. In Pauls epistle to the church in Corinth, he wishes them to be as he is, that is, to remain unmarried. Of course the charge was not a necessary charge (7:25), but as a concession, according to what he sees more beneficial. He yields to this fatherly advice in view of the present distress of the world (7:29-31), and for the sake of devotion. The act of devotion or being devoted to Christ is essential in the thought of Paul (2 Cor 11:2-4), and with this he urges the Corinthians, as he sees it, that although it is good to marry, abstaining from marriage would be better. (7:28) Paul wished the unmarried to remain as they are, since if a man is married, he would be anxious about worldly5 things, how to please his wife, and his interests are divided. Now even if the partners are both believers, earthly concerns are inevitable, having a family requires great responsibility, especially since one then would desire to please his or her partner. Now this restraint is very much stronger when one has an unbelieving partner, since the unbeliever would have a totally different and opposite mindset: yours toward God (godliness), your partner, to self (self gratification) which in its essence are carnal, evil, and vain. Would Paul, then, in great passion towards an undivided devotion to the Lord, freely allow a Christian to jump into greater distress in having a relationship with an unbeliever? Turning to the Old Testament, we could find types or symbols pertaining this: When the LORD your God brings you into the land that you are entering to take possession of it, and clears away many nations before you You shall not intermarry with them, giving your daughters to their sons or taking their daughters for your sons, for they would turn away your sons from following me,
4

In Pauls first epistle to the Corinthians, he related certain commands about having an unbelieving partnernot because he allowed it to happen, but because it already happened. The believing wives and husbands Paul here is talking to are, and is much highly true to be those women who had put their faith in Christ later after marriage when they were yet both unbelievers. 5 Worldly, that is, earthly: as food, shelter, and clothing are; and not necessarily evil as we would use the word to denote it these days.

to serve other gods. Then the anger of the LORD would be kindled against you, and he would destroy you quickly. (Deuteronomy 7:1, 3-4) This line of thought is the same one spoken by Paul. Previously in Israels history, God demanded the nation not to give their sons and daughters into marriage with heathenspeople outside Israel, idolatrous and unholy. The law was decreed in view of the result intermarriage would bring about, chiefly, that it would lead the nation to turn away from the true God, and yield themselves into idolatrous worship. Solomon was an example of one who neglected such command. In the narrative of the Kings we find that this wise king fell in love with many foreign women. In effect, his heart turned from fully serving the Lord, did evil in Gods sight, and caused Gods displeasure toward him (1 Kings 11:1-11; see also, Ezra chapters 9 &10). This could typify for our present condition under the new covenant. Yoking ourselves with heathens will not produce us good. In marriage, though it is not impossible to remain godly even with an unbelieving partner, it is far much better to abstain from it when one is able to do soin view of the danger of being led astray from an undivided devotion and from a wholesome worship of God. IV. Let marriage be held in honor among all, and let the marriage bed be undefiled, for God will judge the sexually immoral and adulterous. (Hebrews 13:4) Marriage is a sacred union. In the Old Testament adultery is punishable by death (Lev 20:10), and faithfulness is strictly demanded (Mal 2:16). In the New Testament, the same thought follows. Much more than being sacred, Marriage is a union: of a man and a woman. In his second letter to the Corinthians, Paul writes: Do not be unequally yoked with unbelievers. For what partnership has righteousness with lawlessness? Or what fellowship has light with darkness? What accord has Christ with Belial? Or what portion does a believer share with an unbeliever? -2 Corinthians 6:14-15 In these verses Paul calls the Corinthian church not to yoke (join) themselves with unbelievers. Though not in the sense of being physically separated (in that sense we would have to leave the Earth), but to be companions with them and their sinful behavior. This is well expressed by the book of Proverbs: Whoever walks with the wise becomes wise, but the companion of fools will suffer harm. (Prov 13:20). It is then much highly probable that the same command affects the idea of relationships and of marriage, or maybe much more. Having an unbeliever as a partner would make him or her a companion for the rest of life. Although the believer could not necessarily follow the sinful acts of the unbelieving partner, this child of God would burden his or her soul in the bonds of an unbeliever time after time. This, I believe, is the reason why Paul advised that if the unbelieving partner separates, the believer should let him/her, for it would be far more beneficial: But if the unbelieving partner separates, let it be so. In such cases the brother or sister is not enslaved. God has called you to peace. For how do you know, wife, whether you will save your husband? Or how do you know, husband, whether you will save your wife? (1 Corinthians 7:15-16) V.

I have set forth the scriptural basis for the abstention of having relationships with an unbeliever, both by taking the norm of the New Testament in Pauls thought, and (if the reader yet finds it very much unlikely), by the danger it brings when one carries it out. Upon concluding, as seen, Scripture places such a weight in favor of not having relationships with unbelievers, over against the contrary. In dealing with this problem then, we have a surer solution: if we are engaged with itto let go; and if we are yet attracted to do soto abstain. This does not sound easy, especially when one has already been emotionally attached. However, there are no walls too high to be climbed, or mountains too heavy to be thrown, but that by Gods power all things are possible. For the sake of Christ then, and also for the advancement of his Kingdom, let us not lay any restraint and stumbling-block over our way, but rather take every means for Gods glory and leave every encumbrance against it.

-September 2011

You might also like