The BRAT Papers

Issue 6 June 2010

Understanding and Shaping Behaviour

Why is Behaviour so Important in Relationships?
Behaviour is a crucial element of relationship building and trust since it is the first thing we notice or display when we interact with others. In order to develop a deeper understanding and learn how to shape and adapt behaviour, we must first understand what shapes and drives behaviour. Behaviour is an external manifestation of a set of ingredients which are combined within each of us, at any given moment. Behaviour is situational; that is, the way I behave in this moment will be different from the way I will behave in a few moments from now. In fact, even in the same moment, I will likely behave differently with different people. and what is fascinating is that this complex multi-level multi-faceted process unfolds intuitively. Imagine then, how much more powerful we can be in building relationships and trust with others if we learn about what drives our behaviour (and the behaviour of others) and understand how to shape it and shift it from one situation to the next. Shaping and shifting behaviour is optional; that is, we can and will shape and shift our behaviour consciously if we wish to. The secret is to raise behaviour from an automatic intuitive reaction to a learned conscious action. The Onion is a powerful model to assist us in decoding the elements of behaviour. As we learn to understand what drives our behaviour (and that of others), we empower ourselves to shape it and shift it.

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The Onion The Behaviour Model

The best way to visualize this model is to imagine an onion with its various layers. Each layer has its own content and set of rules and, typically, it develops and shapes dynamically over a lifetime (in other words, layers are seldom static or dormant). Each layer interacts with the others, as if there is an osmotic membrane separating them, yet allowing them to absorb each others content.

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Decoding the Elements of Behaviour

The model is relevant to help us understand and shape our own behaviour and that of others. It also assists us in addressing behaviour is multiple situations: by ourselves, with other, with a group and within a community. Although the number of players changes, the basic concept is the same whether we are considering an individual or a group: learn what drives behaviour and re-shape it by understanding the elements contained within the model. The inner layers of the onion are the CORE layers. Values and Beliefs, Motivations, Feelings and Perceptions are the HEART or the BE layers. They stem from the essence of who we are as individuals. These are defining layers that we shape over a lifetime. The outer layers of the onion are the SURFACE layers. Knowledge, Expertise, and Skills are the MIND or the DO layers. They are the result of what we learn and acquire as we move through life. The core layer holds our values and beliefs that we share in our constant interaction with others. These values and beliefs define the parameters within which we are prepared to engage with others. The greater the synchronicity of values and beliefs between ourselves and another, the stronger the basis to develop a relationship. This also holds true between a person and an organization. The stronger the synchronicity between the person's values and beliefs and those that underpin the culture of the organization, the greater the likelihood that the person will bring value to the organization by embodying its values and beliefs in the way it interacts with others. The next layer holds our motivations. In other words, here we have defined what is important to us in this moment. Why would I possibly embody those values and beliefs? What would drive me to do it? At a very basic level, "what's in this situation, this interaction or in this relationship for me"? Strong motivations are powerful drivers of behaviour. The next layer holds our feelings. These are the rather specific feelings that we feel in the moment. Here we have how we feel about ourselves in the moment, as well as, how we feel about others, the situation or the organization. The degree to which people "feel" positively about a situation or organization, for example, is crucial in the process of adoption of a proposed change or a new culture.

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The next layer holds our perceptions. Perceptions are one step removed from facts and reality, since they are coloured by our personal lenses and filters. They are the way we are sensing the world around us in that particular moment. Conversation and dialogue are fundamental pillars to decode perceptions among two people or within an organization. Often, people don't have clarity in the perceptions they hold. Conversation and dialogue are fundamental pieces to help shed light and bring clarity. Moreover, through conversation we access information which helps in bringing further light and clarity into our perceptions. Lastly, the aligning of perceptions among people living a same reality is a crucial exercise to enable relationship building and to create the desired synchronicity to embed a new culture within an organization. The next layer holds our "knowledge". Knowledge comes, both consciously and subconsciously, from a variety of different sources and experiences. "Knowledge" is an important pillar as it informs our behaviour and our decisions, enhances our capability and our performance, and aligns our language into a common and shared view of the situation. The next layer holds our "skills". Skills are multiple sets of abilities, tools and know how that enable us to navigate and decode the complexity of the situations we are faced with. Skills provide us with competence to move through the murkiness into the light. Finally, at any given moment, behaviour is the external manifestation of the interaction of these various layers. We build relationships and trust through the interaction with others. As we engage in a conversation, these various layers in our onion are interacting with the same layers in the person (or people if we are in a group) we are interacting with. It is easy to see this symbiosis between our surface layers (ex. sharing of knowledge and expertise). It requires more attention to decode the interaction between our core layers (ex: validating perceptions, sharing feelings or motivations, or testing mutual values and beliefs). As we see the layers, we can then question and understand a specific behaviour. Once we understand why we are displaying a certain behaviour, shaping it becomes optional. In other words, shifting the behaviour will depend of our willingness to do so. Through questioning, we can also seek to understand someone elses behaviour in the moment and be, therefore, able to shape or shift it.

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About us...
As the world changes in powerful and unpredictable ways, business leaders look to "the building of long term mutually beneficial trust based relationships" with clients, collaborators, partners and other stakeholders as a means to occupy a unique and privileged position in their hearts and minds. As leaders in our fields of endeavour, we all want to achieve a uniqueness and distinctiveness in the way we build relationships and trust with others. This is where "The Business Relationship Specialists" come in. We are a Global Network of highly experienced Executive Coaches Behaviour Modelling Trainers Change Management and Cultural Transformation Consultants Facilitators.

We will work with you to design and implement "tailor made solutions" into your business relationship building initiatives. We have many years of global experience working with some of the largest organizations in the world, including many of the Fortune 100 companies, as well as, consulting and assurance/tax/advisory firms, small and medium size dynamic and innovative companies, government entities and individuals. info@business-relationship-specialists.com www.business-relationship-specialists.com

Our Team...
Each member of our team brings to the network an average of 15 to 25 years of experience in very senior roles in industry and services sectors. Each of our coaches, trainers, consultants and facilitators has many years of global experience working with some of the largest organizations in the world, including many of the Fortune 100 companies, as well as, consultancy and assurance/tax/advisory firms, small and medium size innovative companies, government entities and individuals. We have language capabilities in English, French, Spanish and Portuguese and are able to place a tailor made team anywhere in the world on very short notice.

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About the Author...

Luis S. Costa
E-mail: Luis.Costa@business-relationship-specialists.com

Luis has over 25 years experience working with people to help them develop the skills, behaviours and beliefs required to successfully create and maintain long term trust based business relationships and networks. As an Executive Coach, Behavioural Trainer, Change and Cultural Transformation Consultant and Facilitator, Luis works globally with Senior Executives and Top Talent in a significant number of the major global companies, including many Fortune 100. Luis also has many years experience coaching and developing partners and directors of major consulting and assurance/tax/advisory firms on their client focused initiatives. Know and develop oneself (skills, behaviours, beliefs), know and understand your client (deep industry/sector knowledge and insights), know how to articulate the two dimensions to occupy a privileged position at C-level as a trusted business advisor and produce long lasting value to the client and to you. Luis works interchangeably in English, French, Portuguese and Spanish throughout Europe, North and South America, Asia-Pacific and Africa.

NEXT ISSUE BETTER UNDERSTANDING BETWEEN INDIVIDUALS AND GROUPS

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