MARRIAGE and FAMILY Nature of Marriage Marriage is a stable union between one legitimate man and one legilimate

woman for life thereby forming an indivisible community of life and love, The cause of maniage is said to be "nutual consent'- free, no violence, publicly declared, This gives as an effect, "maritalbond'- which entails a life-long relaticnship between husband and wife.

Article 1, Marriage is a special contract of permanent union between a man and a woman entered into in accordance with law for the establishment of conjugal and family life. lt is the foundation of the family and an inviolable social
institution whose nature, consequences, and incidents are governed by law and not subject to stipulation, except that maniage settlements may fix the property relations during the marriage within the limits provided by this Code (Family Code of the Philrppines).

Purposes of Marriage

1. procreation and education 2. mLrtual help and love

of children

Rights and Obligations between Husband and Wife Arl 68. The husband and wife are obliged to live together, observe mutual love, respect and fidelity, and render mutual
help and support Art. 69. The husband and wife shallfix the family domrcile. Ar1 70.

I he spouses are joinlly responsible for the support of the family

Art. 71. The management of the household shall be the right and the duty of both spouses.

Properties

1. unity - one legitimate man to one legitimate woman; a demand of justice 2. indissalubility * marital bond is for life

FAMILY

As a hurnan being, we are born to a family. The family is ourfirst "kapwa". lt is considered the primary agent of socialization. lt is where we learn to relate with people. lt is where we you learn to show love and concern for others, Our love and concern bring pleasant relationships among family members, When we feel that we are accepted because of the love and respect we get from our family, we can easily relate with other people.

Nature of Family A FAMILY is a community of persons, of husband and wife, of parents and children, founded and given life by love Aristotle defined ii as an association established by nature for the supply of man's everyday wants,

3-Fold Goals of a Family

1. Provides in body and mind with the necessities for an ordered life 2. Provides for procreation and education of children 3. Conlributes to the development of society

3 A's

of Healthy Family Relationships

1. Acceptance It is very important in any relationship especially for members of the of socialization. This is the most basic institution when every person is born.

family The family serves as the first agent

When a child is accepted in the family, he/she gains self-confidence as well as he/she develops trust and respect for himself/herself. When there is self-assurance, it is easy to relate with and trust other people. Acceplance develops trust and trust builds a lasting relationship

2. Affection

Every child needs affection and this must&e given effectively. One of the basic needs of a personis fo be people, loved and feei that he/she betongs, Only when'a child learns how to be loved can he/she also give love to other because love begets love and one cannot give something ihat he/she does not have.

3. Attitude
It is important in building a healthy family relationship. /f should be an attitude of respect, brotherhood, and cooperation, The family is the smallest unit in the society but the strongest network that ever existed in the world. Once the members are united and harmonized, growing in a healthy life would be an easy task. Sometimes, we tend to opt for the wrong choice because it's easier. We do not have to exert extra effort, However, the effect of these wrong choices, which oftentimes bothers our conscience, is more difficult to ignore. The trouble lies in the examination of conscience. This is the kind of examination which is very difficult to pass. moral standards. Ihese moral standards serve as our parent's guide in rearing us. Every member of the {amily embraces certain moral principles to maintain peace and harmony within the family and these moral standards later become part of a family's virtue which is the very heart of responsibility for action.

tn the famity, we usually

set our

lf these family moral standards are properly used and enforced, they can be a training ground for children to live up to society's standards or laws, lt is important for every member of the family to feel responsible not only in avoiding wrong things but also in doing right things.

Family Moral Standards Based on the lecture of Dr. William E. May

1. Afamilyshouldstaftwiththemarriageof amanandawoman. Parentsshouldraisetheirfamilyinthebondand

sacrament of their lives.

maniage A husband and wife must give to each other the gift of conjugal love and deepen it throughout

2.
3.

tt is always wrong to aboft unborn bables. Giving life to a baby is the best gift helshe could ever receive through

his/her parents, Parents have the duty and the right to educate their children. This duty and right flow from the very nature of fatherly and motherly love.

4.

The church and the sfate shou/d both honor the primary right of parents as educators of their children and cooperate with them in this educative task,

5.

The family rfiusl serye society through soclal servlce in particular, hospitality to others,

6.
7.

Families must defend their rights and duties such as the right of children to assistance and proper care, nutrilion, right to religion, right to participate in planning and implementing the policies and programs that affect them.

The society and lhe sfafe musl serue the family. They must make it possible for every famity to obtain the help it needs. They must make it possible for every family to obtain the help il needs. They must recognize the rights of the

family in a formal way,

e.g laws protecting the family

B.

The family has the duty to care for its elderly members, but the state may also do so lhrough programs of social

security.

Characteristics of a Healthy Family

The healthy

family.

1. Communicates and listen

2. Affirms and supporl

4.

3. Teaches respect for others Develops a sense of trust 5. Has a sense of play and humor r 6, Shares responsibility 7, Teaches right and wrong B. Has a strong sense of kinship with 9. Has a balance of interaction

many

traditions

10. Has a strong, shared religious core '11. Respects the privacy of one another 12. Value service to others 13. Fosters family table time and conversation 14. Shares leisure time 15. Admits to problems and seeks help

Families
Families exist in some form in every society of the world, and every person is or was a member of some family. Various definitions of the family include special biological, psychological, and social linkages.

Biologically everyone has a father and mother. Psychologically most people identify with someone they define as parenl, grandparent, brother or sister, uncle, or
cousin.

Socially most people are members of a group lhey perceive as "family"-one in which relationships operale in an
atmosphere of acceptance, intimacy, support, and trust. To most sociologists and anthropologists, the term family refers to persons related by blood, marriage, or adoption and who share a common residence.

Adicle 16(3) of the Universal Declaration of Human Rights says, "The family is the natural and fundamental group unit of society and is entitled to protection by society and the State".

Types of Families
1. Conjugal family is composed of husband and wife. 2. Nuclear family is the smallest family of two persons such as a husband and wife, a parent and child, or a brother and sister. They aretelated to one another by blood, marriage, or adoption and who share a common residence.

Types of Nuclear Family Family of orientation is a family in which most basic early childhood experiences and learning occur. Family of procreation is when a person marries; a new nuclear (and conjugal) family is formed li consists of self, spouse, and children.

a. b.

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3. Extended family goes beyond the nuclear family unit of parents and children to include relatives such as grandparents, aunts, uncles, or cousins or simply any family that extends beyond the limits of the family of orientation or the family of procreation. 4. Single-Parent Family A single parent is a parent with one or more children; who is neither married, nor living together with his or her partner. Single parenthood may occur as the result of many things. Often it is opted for by the parent (as in adoption, artificial insemination, surrogate motherhood, or extramarital pregnancy), and often it is an unforeseeable occurrence (as in the death of one parent, divorce, or abandonment by one parent). 5. Blended Family - A nuclear family in which one ol both of the parents have had a previous marriage, and possibly children from that maniage. 6. Adoptive Family - May be nuclear, single - parent, or blended. The child is not blood related to the parent, but has been adopted legally. 7. Foster Family - Can be nuclear, single - parent, or blended, One or more of the children are noi birth children, The child may stay with the family for an extended period through special government agencies,

Emerging Family Trends

1. Living together, more formally known as non-marital heterosexual cohabitation, has become a common phenomenon, 2. Childless marriages, or at least a delay in having a first child, appear to be another emerging family lifestyle, 3. Dual'career marriages are a third emerging pattern. One of the important social changes since World War ll has been an increase of women in the labor force.

Problems confronting today's Family

1. Decline of maniage rate

lncrease in separation (divorce, annulment, legal separation) 3. lncrease in single parent families 4. lncreasing role of grandparents in children's lives 5. lncrease in economic disadvantage 6. lncreasing recognition of the important role of fathers in children,s lives 7. Migration and Social Crisis on the Filipino Family

' r ' ' .

Among children of migrant workers, incidents of drug abuse, delinquency, early pregnancies or marriages and child abuse are increasing. Children also manifest strong materialistic values as they become overly dependent on money and gifts from overseas, A strong motivation to go overseas is developed among children in the belief that overseas employment is the only dolution to improve their lives. Relations within the family and among relatives are affected, Thinking that migrant families are well-off, relatives turn io them for almost any financial need. ln the community, migrant families are often the topic of gossips concerning relationships and affairs of the separated spouses. Community conflicts arise as a result of jealousy, This is especially true where the neighborhood is not organized.

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Family relations under threal- cause of its disintegration, its dissolution, increasing incidents of extra-marital affairs and maintaining two families.

'

Communication lessens as a result of physical separation (money mafters - whether the remittance has been sent or the child is sick and needs money for hospitalization or somebody died or a relative,s wedding).

FAMILY CODE (excerpt) Chapter 1. The Family as an

lnstitution

Art

149. The family, being the foundation of the nation, is a basic social institution which public policy cherishes and protects. Consequently, family relations are governed by law and no custom, practice or agreement destructive of the family shall be recognized or given effect Art. 50. Family relations include those:

(1) Between husband and wife; (2) Between parents and children; (3) Among brothers and sisters, whether of the full or half-blood. (217a)

Art. '151 No suit between members of the same family shall prosper unless it should appear from the verified complaint or petition that earnest efforts toward a compromise have been made, but thatihe same have failed. lf it is shown that no such efforts were in fact made, the same case must be dismissed.
This rules shall not apply to cases which may not be the subject of compromise under the Civil Code.

Chapter 2. The Family Home

Art. 152. The family home, cottstituted jointly by the husband and the wife or by an unmanied head of a family, is the dwelling house where they and their family reside, and the land on which it is situated.
153. The family home is deemed constituted on a house and lot from the time it is occupied as a family residence. From the time of ils constitution andso long as any of its beneficiaries actually resides therein, tne famity tiome continues to be such and is exempt from execution, forced sale or attachmeniexcept as hereinafter prouic.o and to the extent of the value allowed by law,

Art

Art. 154. The beneficiaries of a family home are:

(1) The husband and wife, or an unmarried person who is the head of a famiry; and (2) Their parents, ascendants, descendants, brothers and sisters, whether the relationship be legiiimate or illegitipate, who are living in the family home and who depend upon the head of the famir1, roi legrisupport.

(226a)

Art' 155 The family home shall be exemptfrom execution, forced sale or attachment except:
(1) For nonpaymenl oflaxes; (2) For debts incurred prior to the constitution of the family home;

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(3) For debts secured by morlgages on the premises before or after such constitution; and (4) For debts due to laborers, mechanics, architects, builders, material men and others who have rendered service or furnished material for the construction of the building.

Art. 156 The family home must be part of the properties of the absolute comn:unity or the conjugal partnership, or of the exclusive properties of either spouse with the latte/s consent. lt may also be constituted by an unmarried head of a family on his or her own property.
Nevertheless, property that is the subject of a conditional sale on installments where ownership is reserved by the vendor only to guarantee payment of the purchase price may be constituted as a family home.

Art. 157 The actual value of the family home sh,all not exceed, at the time of its constitution, the amount of the three
hundred thousand pesos in urban areas, and two hundred thousand pesos in rural areas, orsuch amounts as may hereafter be fixed by law. ln any event, if the value of the cunency changes after the adoption of this Code, the value most favorable for the constitution of a family home shall be the basis of evaluation. For purposes of this Ariicle, urban areas are deemed to include chartered cities and municipalities whose annual income at least equals that legally required for chartered ciiies. All others are deemed lo be rural areas.

Art. 158 The family home may be sold, alienated, donated, assigned or encumbered by the owner or owners thereof with the written consent of the person constituting the same, the latter's spouse, and a majority of the beneficiaries of
legal age. ln case of conflict, the court shall decide.

Art

159. The family home shall continue despite the death of one or both spouses or of the unmanied head of the family for a period of ten years or for as long as there is a minor beneficiary, and the heirs cannot pariitlon the same unless the courtfinds compelling reasons therefore. This rule shall apply regardless of whoever owns the property or constituted

the family home,

References: Agapay, R. Ethics and the Filipino. National Bookstore, Mandaluyong, Philippines. 2008 Punsalan, et al. Values Education for Filipinos. Salesiana Publishing, lnc. Metro Manila.1997. The Family Code of lhe Philippines (Executive Order No, 209, July 6. 1987, as amended by Executive Order July 17,19BT) http //www, ch a nrobles.com
:

No

227,

http://abcworld. net

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HUMAN SEXUALITY
Some Principles:

'

The human person (body and soul) is called by nature to love other people in a selfless manner regardless of sexual differences. This love is the love of AGAPE which is to seek the good of the person loved for his or her own sake without expecting anything in return. We have to love everyone selflessly, and it is everyone's calling or obligation to
do.

A human person is a being with sexuality. One can not be a person without being born either male or female. r

Sexuality is an essential mode of being a human person manifested in the duality of sexes- male and female. By mode of being is meant real differences not only in physical configuration but spiritual aspects as well.

HUMAN SEXUATITY

o r

characterizes

man and woman not only in the physical level, but also
their expressions.

in the

PSYCHOLOGICAL and SPIRITUAL, making its mark on each of

Cannot be reduced to a PURE and INSIGNIFICANT BIOLOGTCAL FACT, but rather is a fu.ndamental component of personalitv, one of its modes of being, of manifestation, of communicating with others, of feeling, of expressing and of living human love.
(Educational Guidonce in Human Love)

Three Distinct and lnter-related Modes of Sexuality

Primary Sexuality

'

Refers to our being men and women which influences the way we perceive, think, feel, act, and interact. All human activity is sexual in so far as we are men and women. our gender affects how we work, play, suffer and enjoy.

Affective Sexuality ' Refers to feelings, modes and emotions that move toward or incorporate intimacy. lt describes how we are affectively motivated to become closer to one another.

Genital Se*uatity ' Best defined as behavior, thoughts, fantasies, desires, and feelings that activate the genital
organs.

Two characteristics of Sexuality

1'

Polarity- natural tension between sexes caused by their being difference. This tension does not mean strife though it can lead to strife if there is lack of understanding of the
iffe re nces,

2'

somehow enriching one,s personality.

complementarity- natural attraction between the sexes caused by the difference. The complementarity of the sexes gives rise to a love of ERoS, or a romantic love. ERos is loving a person because his or her sexuality complements one's masculinity/femininity,

AGAPE and ERos, then, are not opposed forms of love but can exist in the same human being' Everyone is called to love everyone with AGApE (selfless love) but one can choose to love someone with ERos (ronlantic love). To love someone with ERos or romantically is a choice, but one is still bound to fulfill loving all with AGApE.

The nature of sexual urge and sexual act

sexual urge - is an innate, instinctive, vital impulse directecl toward the propagation of the human race' lt is a personal impulse but directed not for personal but social survival. - it is innate: we are born with it - instinctive: based on external stimuli, not free or voluntary; one can arouse it but by itself, it's not free - is vital: for life, sign of life (stronger sexual urge means one is more alive, a gift from God but which needs to be controlled)

for what: survival of the human race, not survivar of the human person. one continue living and
be happy and healthy even without sex.

can

sexual act- a free and voruntary act of2 persons by which the sexuar urge is satisfied. - The urge is instinctive and can't be controlled but the act is free and voluntary; i.e., completely controllecJ.
Like

is

allfree acts, the sexual act

is covered by moral norms.

Characteristics of the sexuat act between 2 persons:

1.

By nature it is an act of romantic love

vthen one engages in the oct as a value (good), one other person and not just satisfying onese-lf
.

the sexuar act to be varuabre shourd be on act can't be done just for setf-grotificotion (lust)

of rove arso in
is

the context of AGApE and

giving oneself completely to the

2. By nature, the sexual act is a potentially

preservation of the race

procreative act since

it is directed to the

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be performed in a potentiattv pracreotive manner, i.e., an offsprins or

It is potential becouse of the foct that there is no one-to-one correspondence between the act and the baby produced or the act and actual procreation Potential- means having the power of producing the effect
Actual

means the effect is already produced

potentiol is not always actual because there are other factors which ore not within the control of the couple. But the sexual act olways hos to be done open to procreation.

3. The sexual act has to be performed within

commitment)
I

marriage (mutual consent and lifelong

Differences between Man and Woman

Men
: -!eeq llllelqnlv-Protector r
Leader. Provider Plannpr Decision Maker

Fatherhood

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I

Women
lr :les

Motherhood

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HesEl-1!9lsqi!,,
Administrator
Adviser

On Physic al Differences
Built for work

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Small and fragile bones Rounded hips and body structure

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Flat breast Sturdv and heavv movements Lower voice, coarser skin

Developed breast Graceful and gentle movements

Higher voice, finer skin

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Men have more hair- they grow beards and

mustache

Women have less hair

ln_tellectt

. o r

Essential-minded

Frrnrtional
Rational, logical

I!u$ orlls'g!4igrl'rL - -_ : Objective, prag=matk

o
Tends to neglect

o o r

Detail-minded Aesthetic

lntuitive glje
ctive,_ I m
a

On Person ality Traits

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. o r

L1!1ry_

Tends to nag Upset by little things Capacity for giving

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a

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Undisturbed by trifles cqPgglY'foLre-ceiving

----

lnterestetj in thines Explosive, quick to anger

Stress on actions and achievements

Emotional lnterested in persons lng|gp1ye.qglck to tea

rs

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a

Stress on what they are

Wants monev and success

Wants love and attention

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lnsensitive often

SVmpathetic and compassionate

r r r r r

Direct, blunt, brief Generalities Lies about feelings Truthful about facts Seeks reassurance of work

On Conversation | . lndirect, symbolic and puzzling, loquacious

.
o

Truthfui about feelings

Lies about facts Seeks reassurance of being loved

. ' r o

On Self-Evaluation

. Whri he accomplishes I . Appearance: of little concern . Weakness; Discouragement and failure . Self fulfillment on o A man has less Patience, and though
sically strong, his endurance is less
Relates with God via intelligence

Her charm, her personality Her aooearance Weakness; Loneliness

SelFfulfillment on family and child-rearing. A woman has more Patience. She can
endure and persevere longer

Qualities of the SPirit

Relates with God via the heart

On Dating, Love and CourtshiP

. r

Aggressive Passionate

o o
d"sire, devoid of

Tender Affectionate Meek, reserved, mahinhin

Sincere affection, physical desire secondary

. 1"". ,ry b" ph)rri.rl feelinss

Easily excited

I I

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o

---

--

Slow to excite

Men's sexual rePertory is limited

Women are capable of conception, child bearing and breastfeeding that make them
sexually superior over men

lmplications of the Differences between Men and Women

We need to realize and accept these differences.

. . . .

. . .

Men and women need to learn from each other's strength' Men need to be strong yet gentle; understanding yet rational as well as feeling. \Alomen need to be more rational, decisive or organized, Men and wclmen need to help each other in attaining personal development'

Both men and women complement each other and can work together for harmonious relationship, family, and society'
Men... Be GENTLE! Women...Be STRONG!l!

ReJerences:

Aguirre, A. Life, Love and Family. Human Life lnternational Asia, Q C 2005' Garcia, L. Keep Love Real. University of Asia and the Pacific. 2007'
Readings on CORE MORAL VALUES, Chapter lV.

of Ramirez , M. Sex-Talk with Kids and Teens. A Manual on Training Parents as Educators on the Truth & Meaning Human Sexuality. ECFL and HL I-Asia. Quezon City. Verzosa, Sr. Mary pilar. Learning to Live and Love, Modules. World and Life Publications, Makati, M.M' 1996

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Dating and Sex

lntelligent Dating
Dating successfully; being selective about who you date, hanging out and having fun; remaining steady through the natural highs and lows of romance; keeping your own standards Brainless Dating Dating ineffectively, dating anyone who hasra pulse; becoming centered on your girlfriend or boyfriend; having your heart broken repeatedly; doing what everyone else seems to be doing.

Dating

simp'vmeanthe''.."*'ti!i!:;:::""'gir'sgettoknoweachother

6 Universal Dating Questions

1. What should I expect?

. . .

Expect a lot of drama Expect fickleness, pickiness and indecisiveness Expect to make a fool of your self

2. Who should

lgo out with? Don't just date anyone. Be choosy.

3. What if I never get asked out?

Here are few questions you moy want to ask yourself: Am I friendly with everyone? lnsteod of waiting to be asked, could I osk someone instead? Am I moking up excuses for not dating? Am I doing everything I can make myself attractive?

. . . .

4. What is the biggest mistake teens make when dating?

lt's becoming centered on your girlfriend or boyfriend.

signs ' Here are the mood eoch day is dependent on how your girlfriend or boyfriend treots you .t Your . You become possessive and jealous . You stop spending time with your friends and family and spend virtually all of your

time with your boyfriend or girlfriend.

5. How will I know when its time to break up? Win-Win: The relationship is good for you. Enjoy it!

'

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Win- Lose: The relationship

t

for you but bad for them. Fix it or get outl Lose-Win: The relationship is bad for you but good for them. Fix it or get out! Lose-Lose: The relationship is bad for both of you. Get out fastl
is good

Red Flags: warnings that something isn't right

L. Ultimatum: "You'd better sleep with me or l'm leaving you'" 2. The Savior complex: This is when you wont to sove someone or save them

from

themselves. 3. Lies: If someone is lying to you, Yrour relationship is bosed on hot air. 4. Put-down: "Yau'll never find onyone else who will love you." 5. Threatening'. "lf you leave me, I'll hurt my self ."

6. How Do I Get Out of An Abusive Relationship?

If your BF or GF . IGep you from doing what you want to do ' Act super jealous or Possessive . Shove, shake, slap or hit You . Threaten to hurt or kill you or themselves . Lie or hide things from You . Alwoys ex7ect to get their waY

Two Wrong Rules on Dating

1-. PAIR UP: Having a boy

2.

GET PHYSICAL:You can only show love

friend or girlfriend is the only way to be happy with your body

6 Guidelines
1,.

to lntelligent Dating

Don't date too young . Start too young and you'll run into problems, such as getting taken advantage of, getting physical too soon, or not knowing how to end the relationship.

2. Date people your own age

lt is easy to get taken advantage of when you date older people.

3. Get to know lots of people Doh't be in such a hurry

to have a girlfriend or boyfriend. Now's the time to date different people, have fun, and not get too serious. There will be time in the future to narrow down your choices and start dating one person seriously. But not when you're a teenager! You don't want to join the adult world too soon; it's not half as much fun. Enjoy your days of singleness while you may.

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4. Date in groups Dating in groups, whether it's a double date or with a larger group, has many advantages. Usually it's more fun. There's safety in numbers. You'll meet more people, and there are

'

fewer expectations.
5. Set your own boundaries

'

' .

Decide now the kind of people you will and won't date. Decide now how far you're willing to go, whatls off limits, and don't let anyone talk you out of it. Don't wait until you're making out to decide; by then it's too late. lf you haven't decided beforehand what your boundaries are, stuff happens you di$n't plan on. The greatest form of protection there is against heartbreak, inflated expectations, disease, pregnancy, or unwanted advances are the personal standards you set for your self.

6. Have a plan

When you go out, have a plan as well as a back up plan in case things don't work out.

The Four Great Sex Myths

1-.

Everyone is doing it Fact: Everyone's not doing

it

2. Your sex drive is so strong, you can's

control it
Fact: You con control your urges
3. Safe sex is safe

Fact: There's no such thing os safe

sexl
4. lt's No Big Deal Fact: It's a Big Deol!

WffiWWWW

Love Waits

Wait for the child Don't take the chance of bringing a child into this world until you're ready to be a great father or mother. Give your child the best possible chance to succeed. wait for the child. Wait for the relationship Relationships move forward in two different ways. Both start with attraction. Lots of different things attract or turn us on, a look, a gesture, the sound of voice. Where the relationship goes from there is up to us. The selfish lust route usually starts with infatuation, which feels like real love but is merely a flash in the pan. These obsessions usually burn out quickly. Before long, we start looking for our next flame. The material stage is when you get physical because it feels good

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and seems like the logicalnext step in the relationship. You say its love but it's really lust. Break up is what inevitably happens when the relationship is based primarily on the physical. lf you want to build solid boy-girl relationships, you take the selfless love route. lt starts with a foundation of friendship, getting to know and like someone, regardless of what you might get from them physically. Bonding is when you start to understancl and care for someone on a deeper level, learning their hopes and dreams, their fears and faith. lt may involve some light hugging and kissing, based on affection, not lust. commitment is when you desire to share yori liu", together in a committed, long term relationship, comrnonly known as marriage. At this stage sex is good

and fulfilling.

Wait for the

freedom

'

Restraint keeps love and relationships alive. At times we wonder why we shouldn,t give way to our raging hormones' The.answer is that rules and restraints don't restrict us, but actually increase our freedom. lf you are not sexually active consider the freedom your choices have already granted you. You are free from worry, regret, disease, pregnancy, complications, or taking on responsibilities you're not ready for. The Domino Effect

Whatever you do, don't be like a line of falling dominos, where one mistake leads to another and another and another. lf you've done something you regret, stop the dominos from falling by taking control and not making another mistake.
Remember, today is not forever. The desperate situation you may be in now will be better if you go to work on it. Things change, people forgive, hearts can be made whole, and life can be good
again.

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Dating and Sex

Wi

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a a

Date lntelligently

Low Road
a
a

Date brainlesslrT

Treat Sex as a big deal Wait for true love and commitment

Treat sex like a toy Fool around like there's no tomorrow

Reference: Covey, Sean. 2006. The 6 Most tmportont Decisions you'll Ever Moke. simon and Schuster, l-)sA.

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Annulment, Legal Separation, Divorce Marriage is a lifelong commitment made by a man and a woman to give each other a right to their bodies, in a communion of body and soul within a family. lt is state in life wierein a person can love another as a whote, bodv and sour, as raid down by nature and nature,s Author, b;;;" J;;;':,;;;,.riJr. , ,,

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thegenerativeact' Allotherrights,suchaslove,cohabitati;r,;;pp;;,andsharingofgoodsfollow. Those who enter marriage without genuine awareness of these orti"tpiv price

Love in marriage demands socrifice. lt is a self-surrender that demands ever-greater love, transcending the limits of sense of attraction, and enters the realm of respect and clevotion for human dignity and genuine human love' lt means that the partner transfers to another the right to use the other,s body to perform

tn.

of their folly..

There would also be temptations and affirftatiJns in marriage. Those who enter it do not lose their love for goodness in others, and there will always be better p"rron, and better things other than their partners. Everytime such an occasion comes, the marriecl person must be rrrong ro resist ancl affirm his contract of "till deoth do us port"; these are precisery the

momenti wr,"n toue

..; ;-r.'

MARRTAGE is a unique i.e....

coMMUNroN of 2 pERS'NS (Man & w_oman) FoR

r-rFE

' . .

Uandl
UNITY

INDISSOLUBtLtTy

the deliberate love for yOU I - for ALWAySI

CONJUGAL LOVE

C-

Commitment
VS
Se

A- Acceptance R- Respect (dignity)

T- Trust

(loyalty)

lf-seek ing

Love is to give yourself for the good of another in ways AppROpRIATF to that
pe rso n

Marital Obligations

Common Reasons for Marital Break_ups

1. lnfidelity 2. Children out of wedlock

2. 3.

1-. To live together and manage household To observe mutual love, respect and fidelity
To render mutual help and support

4. Jo .!lpqft

the Famity

3. Lack of time for family

Roots ol lnfidelity/Marital Breakdown ln search for better sex Reinforcement of Self-imag e (to have the feeling of being ottractive ond desiroble) 3. Reciprocity or Reta liation
4. Social and Cultura I Encour

Other Reasons for Marital Break_ups

1. Financialcondition
2. Young Marriages 3. Sexual Maladjustments
4. Deceit, frustration, unhappiness and d issat isfaction

CONJUGAL UOVE

-5etf '9iving

betr,rlee.n

16 pcnorx Cnlaib pUfliqg *he crnr iogc4hcr

I''

!--

5. Search

for emotional intinracy 6. Status, money and power 7. Escape from boredom 8. Opportunity 9. Dissatisfaction with or breakdown in marriage
Low religiousness

10.

Right and Duties of Husband and Wife Husband and wife are obliged to live togethrer, observe mutuallove, respect and fidelity, and render mutual help and support. 2. Husband and wife shall fix the family domicile. 3. The spouses are jointly responsible for the support of the family 4. When one of the spouses neglects his or her duties to the union or commits acts which tend to bring danger, dishonor or injury to the other of to the family, the aggrieved party may apply to the court for
1..

relief

5, Neither spouse may exercise any legitimate profession, occupation, business or activity without consent of the other. The latter may object only on valid, serious, and moral grounds. ln case of disagreement, the court shall decide.

ADULTERY

lt

r r

is the act committed by any married woman who shall have sexual relationship with a man not her husband. A secret intimacy between a married person and one unmarried, or between a married person and

the spouse of another. lt originates in the latin word "qdulterium" which means voluntary sexuql action by o morried individual with anather morried or unmarried individual. r lt also comes from the Hebrew word "apostasize" which means toforsoke. Thus, adultery is a forsaking of sacred marriage vows. o Adultery violates trust and faith. lt steals back the gift of self and gives it to another. lt damages the exclusive union between husband and wife. lt breaks a commitment. Sfy'rglc - 6ccAt(s rti{h on uhrnarFrlct
boUble

- ,^rilh anothA na6rf cd

COIICUBINAGE

o . r

The act is an exclusive infidelity of a husband to a wife. The female partner is the concubine or often called as mistress. lt is an act done by any husband who shall keep a mistress in the conjugal dwelling, or shall have sexualintercourse, under scandalous circumstances, with a woman who is not his wife, or shall cohabit with her in any other place.

MARITAL CdTTRACT:
THE VOW: Legal age, Free

consent

ANNULMENT . ls to declare or make legally invalid or void one's marriage. r A void marriage is one deemed invalid in all respects. lt is alsr: called nullity of marriage.

a o

ln annulment, there was no marriage to speak of; one or both parties had neither the intention nor the capacity to fulfill the marriage contract. It means the legaldissolution of marriage. It is legislatively created, judicially administered process that legally terminates a marriage no longer considered viable by one or both of the spouses and that permits both to remarry.

DIVORCE

r
Kinds of

ls

the termination of a valid marriage

Divorce

1. Absolute Divorce
It is commonly called divorce o vinculo matrimony (refers to a total dissolution of marriage).

tr't

y0v'Rt

ovtP. J0ltN, lt"t t0RR)4

.-ATIRPILLAR I fILI, IN l.0vr wtrH.

lutr

N0r

rllt

"('lrrcr

uJt. hudd.t'! ,\ltt ttigltt ltuvr uttt tha hott.st,.., hut tttt (en n(r(r lul;t'ttryu.l'.trtnr ligtrit.,1,!',

2. Relative Divorce
It is commonly called divorce a menso et thoro /does not mean total dissolution of marriage but only separation from bed and board of parties/. Relative divorce is also called legalseparation which is recognized in the philippines

Common Grounds for Annulment and Divorce

1. Lack of Age

2. Lack of the use of reason 3. Fraud

a a

Non-disclosure of a crime involving moral turpitude, Concealment by the wife of the fact that at the time of the marriage, she was pregnant by another man,
Concea lment of sexua lly transmissible disease, concealment of drug addiction, habitual alcoholism or homosexuality or lesbianism

a a

4. Duress

r r
5. lmpotence

ln law, illegalcompulsion applied to force a person to commit an act he or she would not otherwise do. lt may consist of physical restraint or violence or of threats. Simulation- marriage for convenience
Physically incapable of consummating the marriage or afflicted with a sexuallytransmissible disease found to be serious and appears to be incurable.

6. Either party was afflicted with STD found to be serious and incurable. 7. Existing marriage bond - Bigamous/ Polygamous marriages

'

cre&+l'ls dSSuncttbn

8.

Consanguinity . An incestuous , . .

'

marriage or marriage between parents and adopted children, between in-

laws or between relatives up to the 4th civil degree. Consanguinity refers to allthe people you are related to by btood, a biological relationship, Affinity refers to civil relationships arising from marriage (your,,in-taws,').

9. Personal vows

fadrc. glq6y;-)

LEGAL SEPARATION

o r

ls a type of divorce where eitherof the parties has no right lawfullyto marryagain. lt does not dissolve the marriage but merely entitles the spouses to live separately, that is, the

partiesaremerelyseparatedfrombedandboard.

Eitherofthepartywill haveacontinuous

support for the children.

ALIMONY

r r

lt

is

husband to the sepa ration.

the amount of money ordered by a court to be paid by one spouse to the other-usually by the wife-for some period, limited or indefinite, after a divorc, au+fl+r{trntor legal

The traditional legal standard governing the amount of alimony was that which would allow the wife to live in the style to which she had become accustomed during the marriage.

Under the Family Code of the Philippines (cf. Art. 555), A petition for legal separation may be filed on any of the following grounds:
1. Repeated physical violence or grossly abusive conduct directed against the petitioner, a common child, or a child of the petitioner.

2' Physical violence or moral pressure to compel the petitioner to change religious or political affiliation.
3' Attempt of respondent to corrupt or induce the petitioner, a common child, or a child of the petitioner, to engage in prostitution, or connivance is such corruption or inducement.

4'
5.

Final

judgment sentencing the respondent to imprisonment of more than six years, even if pardoned.

Drug addiction and habitual alcoholism of the respondent.

6. Lesbianism or homosexuality of the respondent.

ll;
L-

7'
8.

Contracting by the respondent of subsequent bigamous marriage, whether in the Philippines or abroad.
Sexual infidelity or perversion

9. Attempt by the respondent against the life of the petitioner.

10' Abandonment of petitioner by respondent without justifiable cause for more than one year.

Differences between Annulment, Legal Separation and Divorce

__Es"!:gltiPi
Alimnny

Annulment Without alimony

null and void

Divorce

With alimony

With

rl'-ily

Marriage bnnrl

shall not be severed

valid marriage ends during marriage entitled to remarry

[ause nf Frnblem
Status

ounng marilage terminates coha bitation

before marriage entttled to remarry

MARITAL BREAKDOWN:

Annulment Absolute Divdrce Separation/Relative Divorce

lEryvrlqqllrel!31ile!i@ lLLlClT- breaks

PERMISSTBLE- U

unity and indissolubil & I essential remain

Possible Consequences of Marital Separation (especially on children)

1. Traumas

that lead to lawlessness

addiction

2. Alcoholism and Drug

3. lmmorality (e.g. prostitution) 4. Low self-esteem and self-iclentity 5. Depression and even suicide

lf the family is the building block of the society, then marriage is the foundation of family
Marriage is the best environment in which to raise healthy, happy children who can achieve their potentiar and that the famiry is the most important institutions for sociar weil_being. Points to Remember:
To obtain divorce' couples musl have lived apart for more than 4 years and must satisfy the courts that there is no prospect for reconciliation.
I

The percentage of people opting for divorce and annulment has risen alarmingly.

More and more people each year forget the FoR RI]HER oR FoR pooRER, rN stcKNEss AND lN HEALTH, 'TlL DEATH DO uS pART vow that they made in church.

W * or*hy portner to,r trfe

A , \ _ bs.fern

I -

n+er<$

T - hin\ (v
,t

Itl

ln the Family Code of the Philippines under E.o. 209, Article l states that "Marriage is a specialcontract of permanent union between a man and a woman, entered into in accordance with law for the establishment of conjugal and family life.,, It should be noted that in both state and the church laws, the principalrequirement-aside from the knowledge of true nature of marriage is the right age, which is 1g and above for the bride and the groom. However, a parent's/guardian's consent/advice is required forfemales over but tt but below 25 years of age. source: Monilo chronicte, November1g 1ss0. below 24yearsold, and 2s, p.1s, Fdmity
code of the

3:?",r::;,\i;i;u"t

References.

R Ethics and the Filipino National Bookstore, Mandaluyong, Phitippines. 2008 Aguirre, A Life, Love and Family. Human Life lnternational Asia, Q.C 2005
Agapay,
Babor, E. Ethics. The Discipline of Action. Rex Bookstore, Manila, philippines. 199g. Sanchez & Agpaoa F. Conlenporary Sociat probtems and /ssues. 3rd Edition National Bookstore, philosophical

Mandatuyong City. 1997 Perspective. Current /ssues /n Values Sinag-Tala Pubtishing Co , lnc. 1g91. hltp:/iwww rnfidelity,com http ://wvw c h a n robles. com

Book 4 ",ii'r t,irirrilt

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Friends with benefits": but who benefits? Mariette Ulrich I 17 Aug2Ol'J.

When I saw ads for the recently released Friends with Benefits, I thought I was experiencing d6j) vu. Wasn't that film released last year? Why no, the movie I had in mind was different, and it was titled No Strings Attoched. Well, not entirely different; same frivolous treatment of self-centered loveless sex; different week. When I did some lMDb research to find out a bit more, I came up with yet another title on the same theme , Friends (with Benefits/, madq in 2009.
Really? Three movies on the same ghastly topic in two short years?

what's up with that?

A piece by Diana Appleyard in tlre UK Doily Mailprovided some answers. or did it?
For a growing number of young women, sleeping with a friend is no longer a taboo but a lifestyle choice. Thele is even a term for it Friends With Benefits the supposed benefit being that the friends not only enjoy each other's company, but sleep with one another, too.

lf it sounds a recipe for disaster, that's because it very often is. As the forthcoming Hollywood film Friends With Benefits reveals, a no-strings relationship often leaves at least one half of the couple - and usually it's the woman - feeling confused, unsatisfied, and wholly unconvinced by the 'benefits' they're supposed to be relishing. What sounds simple and clear cut rarely is. ln the 2009 film Friends (with Benefits/, the protagonists are secretly in love with each other and always have been, so there goes the "just friends" theory. ln No Strings, the woman unfeelingly proposes the no-commitment aspect and it's the guy who falls in love and attempts to foster an actual romance-which perhaps places the story less in the romantic comedy genre and more in pure fantasy. ln the most recent FwB film, the girl is the first to want more. As several reviewers observe, the film starts out satirizing the romantic comedy genre, then rapidly falls into the trap of employing every worn-out chick flick clich6 as it stumbles towards its romantic happy ending.
Reality doesn't pan out quite as often, rarely delivering romance, commitment, and mutual satisfaction in such relationships. ln her article, Ms. Appleyard features various couples who are currently in FwB arrangements (names have been changed, but you have to wonder why, if this is no longer "taboo").
Lucy admits she t'eels iealous of Dotig's other relotionships, orrangement, and is keener on Doug than he is on her.

is sometimes cont'used by their

[..]

'l've evan osked him why we con't get it together and he of woman he wants to mlrry...

says,

flippantty, that t am not the kind

I think I am more iealous of his other relationships thon he is of mine, but we both know the score. Itell myself I want him to be happy ond meet the right girl, but when he's dating t get conf used about my feelings' Doug says he respects me too much to lie to me and just isn't ready to commit to a relationship.'

i'l

oh my' Doug "respects" his friend Lucy too much to rie to her, but not enough to refrain from using her for sex or insulting her with his opinion that she's not marriage materiar. with friends like that, who needs an exploitative jerk?

;HJ

:ff:*Y:i:'i;lxll'Jliili':::',:lYny rqll r::r r oih

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o
a e

l"#::

to get hurt.'

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f r ie n

nd re ratio ns h i ps, who pred icts an

d,,

u n ha

5'l::

ng

Anecdotal evidence suggests that the 'someone' is overwhelmingly the woman. And contrary to feminist dogma, the reason is biological. r
As psychotherapist Rachel Morris points out, sex changes everything; the moment a woman becomes intimate with a friend, herfeelings change irrevocanty in a way that men,s simply don,t. 'Young

;#ffi

people today, male and female, pretend sex is no more important than a handshake. yet has a profound effect on the emotions, which can be very confusing, especialy for

Rachel adds: 'A hormone called oxytocin is released in a woman's brain during sex, which gives her a biorogicar pre-determination

to seeka connection with that man.

'Men' however' are biologically programmed to sow their seed and seem able to disconnect emotionally from sex in a way that women cannot. so friends with benefits relationships are often more emotionally confusing and upsetting for women.,
A second couple featured

in the Maitarticle illustrates this:

Molcolm soys: 'l hove enioyed my time with Mortino but our retationship is confusing. we mode cleor we're just friends, but we have compricated the issue by sreeping together.
be

it

'l think when Martina t' Iur uuL t ve met sor, finds out l,ve rrte( someone I wont to be my girtf 'r riend, she'!l say we can still f

riends.

Then, if my rerationship doesn't work out,

can

go back to Martino. Both ways, r win.,

Ms. Appreyard cails hs attitude.,,shockingry crinicar,,, which is, in my opinion, extremery kind. The phrase that popped to my mind could noi be used, as it wourd compromise both my that of the barnyard animarto which dignity and ,Marcorm., twanteo

to compare

Malcolm [was] certain of exactly what sort of rerationship he was after. He says: ,r knew what wanted from her on-a-plate, no-strings fun. To have a friend r courd enjoy being with, with the added benefit of sex.,
r

But Rachel Morris says that' quite apart from potentiar heartbreak, the berief that friends can sleep together and not wreck their friendsf.,ip lr;rrt-nr,;;."'

'"''""

'lt

is fashionable, at

il,ii;l..

the moment, to try to take the intimacy out of sex, to see it that can be picked up and pri uo*n ,But at wiil,'she
says.

as a no_strings

human beings are not made

llr
Llu

Regarding pre-marital sexual dalliance and non-committal males, an old rural saying went: ,,Why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free?" But at least (metaphorically) you,d have to date the cow and romance her a little. Now, as Malcolm reveals, he wants his fun ',on plate.,,Just a like his steak and potatoes. No fuss, no effort on his part. lt's beyond me how any women could convince herself that this sort of arrangement would be in any way desirable. lt,s shocking that after thirty years of feminist empowerment, this is what some women are

settling for.

I remember a Virginia Slims cigarette ad campaign from the Seventies that quipped: ,,you,ve come a long way, Baby." From unwilling, exploited, sex object in the bad old 60's, to willing,

confused and dissatisfied sex object. That's progress? And some hardcore feminists used to call marriage sexual

exploited,

slavery...

Listen, girls:the real thing is worth waiting for, worth standing your ground for. And as the cosmetic ad says: "You're worth it." But you've got to respect yourself. lf you don,t, no one else will. As for the guys, man up. "Both ways, I win," is not the attitude of a grown-up,

toddler.
The

but a spoilt

lasting (some of us would call it "marriage"). ln other words, the woman just is as selfish, flippant and non-committal as a man. Doesn't sound like the type of folks you'd want to be the parents of

truth is that there is no winning going on at all, except perhaps at the box office. No one, save Hollywood executives, benefits from this lifestyle choice, society least of all. ln the supposedly 'ideal'FwB situation, both partners are emotionally detached, enjoying the physicality of sex while dismissing the bond that is meant to unite them in something very intimate, beautiful and long-

future generations.

ln the typical FwB arrangement, one partner (usually the woman) is more emotionally invested and ends up getting hurt. Ultimately this sort of thing also harms the man: he gains nothing when he's permitted to evade not only his responsibility for the relationship,
b*ecome a

appetites' There can be no winners where the results are broken hearts, bleak futures, and the ongoing celebration of self-centredness. That's neither friendly nor beneficial, just terribly sad, and in the long run, tragic for society. when is Hollywood going to tell that story? Romantic comedies always have happy endings; real life, not so much.
h ftp

but the opportunity to whole human being, concerned about something greater than his own basest

:/hvww. m e rca to m e t. com

UN youth meeting reminded of primary role of parents

Carolyn Moynihan

l29

Jul2011

The Vatican's permanent observer at the UN, Archbishop Francis Chullikatt, said:
t

Each and every young person should be able to be brought up in an environment in which he or she is able to grow and learn, that is, in a community

and sociely characterized by

peace and harmony, free from all violence and discord. Each and every child, for the full and harmonious development of his or her personality, should grow up in a family environment, in an atmosphere of happiness, love and understanclinq (cf.,

Convention on

the Rights of the Child, Preamble). lt is precisely this environment which will promote good
and responsible citizenship that is essential to the common good of humanity. The family is where young people first learn moral responsibility and respect for others. The family has an important role to play in educating children to develop all their faculties and in training them to acquire ethical and spiritual values and to be deeply attached to peace, liberty and the dignity and equality of all men and women. The family, founded on

the marriage between one man and one woman, is the natural and fundamental group unit
of society and must be guaranteed'protection by society and the State (cf., Universal Declaratlon of Human Rtghts, Art. '16,3; lnternational Covenant on Clvil and Politlcal Rights, Art. 23,1
).

The event appears to have been marked by some controversy over one of staples of UN meetings -- sexual and reproductive health issues. Archbishop Chullikatt issued a reminder about this too: Parents -- mother and father together -- have the primary responsibility for the upbringing and development of their children to help them become virtuous citizens and leaders. Parents cannot withdraw from this essential role. States are called, in conformity with international insiruments, to respect the responsibilities, rights and duties of parents in this regard (cf., cRC, Articles 5 and 18,1). Youth policies, programmes, action plans and commitments approved by Member States must respect fully the role of parents regarding their children's wellbeing and their education, including in the area of human sexuality and so-called "sexual and reproductive health", that should not include abortion.
h

ltp ://www. m e rca to m e l. c o m /fa m ily_ e dg efuie w/9 4 72

Marriage 101
Mary Joseph I Thursday, 10 March 2011 What is so special about marriage between a man and a woman that same-sex couples are not allowed to share in it?
Marriage is one of the most hotly-debated issues of our time. Many people instinctively understand that marriage is a faithful, loving and life-giving union between a man and a woman.'But they are unsure how to reconcile this truth with the growing push for same-sex marriage. In the following dialogue, I wi// look at some common arguments in favour of homosexual maTriage.

?*l

What is marriage?
Marriage is a natural institution where a m?n and a woman give themselves to each other exclusively for life in a sexual relationship that is open to pro'ciJution. It is publicly recognised, honoured and supported because of its unique cadacitvlo ge;Jrut" ne* human life and to meet children's deepest needs for the love and attachment of boili tiieir father and their mother. Marriage is different and distinguished from other sexual or caring relationships because of its permanence' its natu.ral orientatio-n to life, and the way it urings together and expresses the fullness of humanity in male and female.

why does marriage have to be about_the ability to have children? older couples and '-. infertite couptes have atways been to ,ir;;;.

"il"*"a

unite in an actthat is naturally meantforthe creation deserves to be treated with a special reverence,

when a married couple cannot have children,, rgasgls of age"o.r infertility, they are still truly married because their lovemaking is designed for give to rie if it cannot give life at a particular point in time, or ever' Their sexual union"is procreative by "u"i its nature,

oia

because husband and wife nu*"r.tunrun being. This is why sex

But surely marriage is more about two people in love than what kind of sex they have. Why is procreative sex special?
Sexual intercourse that is open to life is essential for marriage because marriage is not just a caring relationship betweel two people, but a union or roue-anolife. In marriage a man and a woman pledge to love each other roi tire and to touingiy wet.orie ano raise any children r'l r'vrvvrrrr of their union.

sadly, through the normalisation of casual sex, contraception, homosexual acts, condoms, abortion and IVF, our culture-has denigrated and obscuril iire-giving aspect of marriage and sexual intercourse' In spite of this, peJpte still, deep oo*n, ino* that the sexual act is about life a man and a woman'tbq"ir'"i in a proFouni *uv i"*use of the baby they may ::*::j":ror

t#

People stillsense the grandeur of the sexualact. its implicit promise of life-long love and commitment - "i wiil be here for you for arways;,- and'this i-, ;hy there is so much pain and heartache when sexual relationships nreak oown or *r.r",.r"u ;;;;i:g" is violated by adultery.

Isn't the right to marry a basic human right?

"The right to marry and found a family" is written in the Universal Declaration of Human Rights (1948)' But international human righii taw has always unoerstooo and affirmed the enduring truth that marriage is a life-giving union"of a man and a woman. Tl.," Git"d Nations Human Rights committee' which monitorJinternationui r'rrnun..rights treati"r, hu, stated that the right to "implies' in principle, the possibility io pio.Lutu". ihe right to lnurry and found a family is amarry human right' but this righi.hat un basic ooj"liiu" meaning ano'conteni- forming an open-to-rife union with a person of the opposite sex.

But what about human dignity? Homosexual people can never_feel that they are fully accepted and worthy of love ii ttrey are not aliowed to ."iry their same-sex partner. To love someone sexually.Teqlt being able to accept them completely, including their fertility. sexual acts that are closed to life, rir.einaisex, oral sex uno .oniru."pted heterosexual intercourse, may seem roving. art t'"v cannot be trury 6;il;;rse they reject the deepest paft of the person's sexuarity their .u'pu.,ty to give riie, to n-" uE*,", or a mother.

h=-

'jr t

-,-

No one can deny that many homosexual persons sincerely care about their same-sex partners. But' as hard and oainful as it is f* who suffer chastity - the integration of attraction, rear rove demands ,.*rul J"rii", into abstaining from sex rhat is noi;;rdi;ndopen unserfiJ' d;';o,. the other person. This means 'ortheotherperson. T

il;;"

i.r'r#"-rex

toriiu.

'''-

peace and

loi:iJ[i#: iffif::'"T,#Jl]";

Unfulfilled sexual desires can be a painful cross to ca.rry. But a chaste rife brings us true inner joy' because we are.living in iurtony with ihe way c-ur bodies rrar6 oeen designed and gift - Ki's n,' ror rheir own sake, and not " ror the ","f,I,.

Aren',t you condemning homosexuars to a tife of roneriness and misery?

The human drive for intimacy is strfng, but we have an even deeper 5x-ual. who we truly are' Part of wtrar JtluJs'iJror"*rut activity uno h.t"rosexualneed to be loved for activity s that people are lonelv unJ hrngry ror rear rou" uno ol"";;ilff;'r"i,itnnoutside of ,n*,,. famiry

*T?;ffi

However' no one - whatever their sexual_orientation - should be made deprived of real friendship-ana rrpp"ri iadly, the worri i, .onrtun,y to feel unloved, or be intimacv is the onlv kind of intin.'ulv telling us that sexuar *ort"h, h;;int- ,-n"i u", rrst be in a slxuar rerationship to be happy or you will be doomed t" of unmarried people around trre "iir"r"ote tire ririth-nffi; ro',ou"-uor. The rear rifeexperience wortJlan te;qy u..ut ilri, iJ ,i-rprv people around the world falset Millions of unmarried live happf. rrririing riu", and being deepry roved in return - without havins sex' our neeo'rol i";" ;; much, -louing much

ilJ, ;;;i;*"

our need for sex.

w.rrv.rylrlallowing homosexual marriag.e weaken the institution whore? Two men getting r"rri"a of marriage as a *onl threaten ;;;;;y marriage.
changing the definition of marriage to remove the change us as a culture' '.flounoitij'liu"r"-ning erements of mare and femare wi, profoundry or marrrale to incrude ,.r"rru*'.Jupres what is unique anrj beautifur ignores uooriil''"iiii are created with a nurpose and or a man. rven ar; women "1f a specific ano rouing futfiiling this as mui.h as we are cailed to strive towards can, despite our physic-ar, ""0=*e ;;;J";;;and spirituar brokenness. Alrowing two men ortwo women to *marry,,would invorve a fundamentar understanding of nrarriage, u rir"-giui;g ana r",.ruti/*rplruntary change in our romantic relationsrrip where rlom union to a personar, tnere is no'trru aotrrnion or.o'r.ectron to procreation. It will entrench' in a ry:t, the separation of will move marriaqc lrom a chirolcbntrJinltitution sex from babies,and marriage from chirdren. It to un uar]i-".!ntred one. It wi, triviarise the havins both d raiherano a

il;;rffil"sift
d"*n

i*l:

il:i#i#fl:[l::ilX'ffi:ff#'ru',u,.r'o"iu; ilililhat

h u m a n pe rson i: f, il#-':r f : H; j,:'ffi ,,:deep : :i rploT aboutgivinsyour:r'rr 'nconditibna'rrrtou"nJtu.:f"h*;;-##}1?;=iH:rflr:":"",firil1;;;, Urc true meanins o'r ruirius" wiu make iti"u,.l*o"r for trJ;tll; them to attain whar

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In fact' society has no power to change what marriage is. cannot arter the rcarity.,A union uetwJ;;;;"" and a manEven if the raw change the definition, it oi marrrage' It woulr, hr: like saying *'u, *riining nro.ioiil; *orun and a woman cannot be a ,;r;ipotatoes produces ice_creamr

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But marriage has not always been defined as the union of one man and one woman. How do you explain polygamy?
At different times and in, d,ifferent cultures, the practice of porygamy (one man having several wives) has been allowed, but not all of the individuals inuoru"l'o".ame spouses of each other. A man always marriccj u A man might have r"u"rur *iuli-uuilris wives would not be married to each olhcr' Y9t9n. people gJtting The two married wourd arways be a man and d worTrzr. : was open t"-rii"' nt no poinurlve tr"l or two women ever been

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christianity did not r'reate our notion of marriage. It clarified what nearly all major cultures have taught' with the to,'.i:l-olChristianity, thg laws understanding oi marriage as a lifelong union of love between onc man and one *oruh, t,iilr"
http ://www. merc,
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has grown and deepened.

calling all Miilcnnirrs: "Be part of the marriage

Jennifer Roback Morsc Saturday, 22 January I 2011

sorution,,

An open tetter to emcrgirtg

adults, worldwide, from Dr. Jennifer

Roback Morse and theRuth lnstitute.

My dear young

frrc'rl-

I know from many conversations with you. that you want to get married and stay married. I know that many you have fears about lovg and marriage, of because of your ;6;;;;es:of loss and pain resurting from their parents' divorces, rnficlelities ano"other pioLr.*d. r rnow ilraiioi runy of yor, these fears are ovenruhelming, even paralyzin

.;r

I founded the Ruth lrrstitule.to help young adults get past the fears, anxieties and misinformation, and embrace the chailcnge of riferong marriei rove- we to b.g,;;;;;;;rsation with young adurts, a frg.ge conversation across ltre qenerations and within the Miilen;i;

g;;.;;#"

what are your hopcs anrl clrcams for lifelong married love for yourself? what are your fears and anxieties? what do you want ntarriage to be for yourt.l, yoff spouse and your children? what do you think it takes to get married and sr,r, r'riecr? (eeps lov6 what
alive'tor a lifetimei
My generation
'' ' thc tj hv Boomer generation, has.made marriage what it is today Not that it was entirely our we didn,t bring Roe v wade to wrro tr.Jt ,il ;ll ;;se things for most of our adult lives.

fault we didn t invcnl the ionlracdptive pitt w. lian t."rt; the supreme courl we r'^t're irtst tne rirst generJtion

;;;;iiiirrl.

ffi:,'{:'#;'fl:i 1i]::"

we are the generaliorr that ins|irrtionalized the sexual revorution. we created a worrd where 2s per cent of 40 per cent or crriroren oom u'u io un;;;;;r,.rrs and s0 per cent
or nrsr

that these innovations were not progress, deadends MostorLisirr:;twc,lwiththeil;,;ilbuirt6urri;;;;;;.;ilavairabirityofcontraception, but divorce and abortion wn rtroL'nrri'ii-;;ilil ilie gr.at fun to separate sex ano chird-bearing from marriage, to remo'i,t i\0int;ltcnce anO fidility"from marriage

A very few membr:rs nf 3',1; qn'1n;ation saw from the beginn,ing

:ryI

The results are in. ti ore unhap'piness and poverty among children, more loneliness and desperation among adults, greater intrusion by thr: family courts into the private lives of families, a greater chasm between the "haves" and the "have-nors," based largely now upon the stability of marriage.
lf the marriage culture is going to be restored, you, the nextgeneration of emerging young adultswillbe the ones to do it. We bal;y boomers have had our chance. Now it is your t,rrn.

You have told mc (rrrrd pnllstnrs too) that you want something better for your children. But you've also told me

insomanywords lh'rtyl'tdltr'thaveacluehowtogoaboutit.You'vegotadultsalloveriheplacetellingyou

how to discipline yoursclf in your studies, how to apply for a job, how to behave at work and what to expelt.in your career. But no cnc lrlfrs lo you about how to prepare for marriage. Adults don't give you realistic advice about how to meet 1l'e rinlrt pcrson, what habit*to cultivate in yourself what expectaiions to have, what problems to overlook and what problems are genuine red flags. ln fact, a lot of adults don't even listen when you tellthem you w;r,rt ll crt married and stay married. My challenge to you i:; llri'r 61'1 you, or do you not, want married love to last a lifetime? Would you be willing to commit yourself to lifclonr lrr:r ried l0ve?
,,do No more messing ari)tilril llo rnore excuses. No more waiting for the government and the politicians to something " lt is tlnrc lo 't,:l scrious. lt's time to stop complaining aboutthe sad state of marriage and start doing somethinq al , "

"lt is my hopr rrrrl pr'7 v'i':li rn get married. When lget married, it is my intention to stay married foithe restof mylife. lconttriil rriy,'elf todoingalllcanforthecommongoodof mymarriageanOmyfamily." "lt is my intention l'r rl 'v n) rr.ried for a lifetime. I commit myself to doing all I can for the common good of my m;rrriar:'r "',I r,, .' family,"
According t0 r rr""'n1 r,'i .:,t,"Qy thc lirne they have reached ages 15 to 17, 55 per centof teens have parents who have reir'0tr'ri ci' 'r ''r, i:ithcr through non-marriage or separation/divorCe." young adults: this report is about you. The qLrcslrorr ii: :r r you going to do something to break this cycle for your ow"n children?

This is the corc of th. movement cutling acr, .:,

rlll r ln and race, counhy and class.

rnovcrncnt:a personalcommitmentto lifelong married love, a nextgeneration

httpJ/www.nt"':,. '',

',,*',, k:-':,i:,*/tulling_all-mj]lgryrals_be _part-of _the_marriage_so/uilon

Malta vorc.,;'.'
May 29 2011

ro divorce in referendum

VALLETTA,
Church by

i,,\ I. I

lotirrl

\' -'l'lris rlccpl' religious islarrd natiorr has shaken the Rolnan catholic irr r\ 1,ur o1'lclrliz-irrg divorce.
, I

Sunday's rcIclendr rr,r "'rrrrl ftrrr.rl -52.6 per cent rvant a larv that divorce a1-lcr llrt'r '', ,. .'\'rr :r,.'nlil iltr'(l lbr at IeaSt fOur yearS.
I

wo'ld allow

marriecl couples to

"l

l-"' l)ebol.lr Schernbri, chair of thc ycs am absoltrtelr ci carrpaign, said in an interview. ,.The 'r'' Maltese [31'g yolr'rl r', l';','e tllerrrsL'l\/cS tnore civil rights."

'.','. -1:
;

Schembri, a ramirr rrrrr'1,cr,

ffijd,l", yll;l
During the l'ilter

cailccj.rr,,," r1,,]l*.\utiona.rist Party

countries in tr," nuoitri

;' ,i, l]i:

l'e r''r'e

m*l,l'le

- arong *1,r, ,r,.i;",lan and

nrajoriry vote.

ro quickry pass regisration trrat the

tttlttttl cltttt|;1ig11- Prirne ( lrrr'ch in callit's or-r .i,ir"n, M^inisre'Lrwrerce conzi officially aligned his party of this na.ait"n..nlan isrand video srarerr*t'crt.; ,.rr Srrrrtr,rr. to voie NJ. gut in a a;;,ri'ruia

with the catlrolic

rr" *o,,t.r

b;;;;;';il

o,The

refererrdu trr r,,

and parrian,c,,i rvir , ,,i 1,',.i'lill,;:,11";i governmeltl holds ,,,r1..,,;1 r111s_1,1r1g

,,utiority in partiu,rr"nrl.

il:Ti,.fi:.lljl;?],i":j#:,ffi,H:,J;,yc ",,","

respected

He did not srir, \\,ht.n rr rlivorcc

I,ill rvorild U! tuUt.O.

iTij#:lli]l;t,;
accept the The big

rcrt.rertr,

.r'{rte rr.1r.qi1le'.r Labour part1, cauerr ror a.yes,vore during the campaign. ',ili,l.';;"1't'r'1'i11u the ban on tJit'o,.". N'tur*t.urt.o on them

Sunclay to also

losc'itl 1h" r''li'1'''"t1'trrr is llre clatholic church, ivhiclr has Iong wielded irrfluence and ce rt or its 400,000 n"t',r" .,"'iutr,ori", a,d 72p", i."rffi;iJ;,il lliiil ,' lf : i,]']."' ' .uy tney ""ni
Priests hacl trrrtecl : ;lri"11s1'' rrr No during sunclay scr.lror.ls in Malta.s 400 or so churches. 'rrre There were c\/er s1, r:srr rrrs rlr;rr ,t,,,r. *ilo rriporr."i/ri"",:."'*"r,0 sacraments- r'rriclr be denied the church,s 'r rr'rlrlrrrr'r.rr l,.v divorce suppofters as fbar_rnongering.

ri

Late saturcllr'rri!:1r1. lli'r llrc Jr.lls closed, the Maltese unprecedettlt'tl sllllt ; I rltltl ,"

'

'r'rrrL'tl

an upologira fbr sorne its cor-rduct during the referendum.

clrrrc..s top leaders issued

"To all thosc r',,lrr,

anyone fgll
bishops.
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1rr':

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rL'orrr

both sides (in trrc ret-erendurn), we wish to express rnembers a;;;;;i.l'ruio rhe statemenifrornregret if "rrr* Marta,s

"Also, we irr.r11.g statement atlrlt:rl.

Schembri rlt,,,cr-i

1.1

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1r' '1

rr''

lr11g616ri1ionalry

fbrei'c

irrose who we tber have huft us,,,the

1,,.,,

,,r16r,. i)\ l()o l.ttle.too late.

u|:i#::i

"'li]:,',, .' i;l "'

'l,i

r'trntchur:k'I-1i;,:r*rcrr
1.lr'l

hasn'r been trrat,,,she said ,,rhey

andworr<(, ,

Malta. ? l|t'r' r,,.r.(,,

,ri r';
,..

., i .,,.,.,,,,. 11

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growing, rVirl,

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,

, r r..:^. ':l: ".1,iil1;illl*i[,:T.,,]l;::T,,iii".1#H;,xJ:#:'jH:3;i1'. ' ' ' ''',,,. ' 'lo'-'nto, ;;;;;;;ff;vorces in Marta once separared.

, . ,. t.' it : I'rc separated,.Scllettllr|i sliicj. Bu rlrc, l.t 1'' l j''i' 'l :z ptt t*' \/ irr thc l,s1.g';i;:'J::Tf;: ; n*nurr-ot .. ,.i: !l;rj':?t n. divioing.r, , ,,;.,, r,,i,l ,'1," ' """'"''ied' Partners ,r r,o..iii',lp'iruu. no legal recourse for
Seven per. r.r ,,. , rl

31

Manicoltl'{9' is 0rorrun,\'rilro have been unablc to rernarry despite being separated for years' she s.r'5 |1t'1'husbEnd5oorclirrrcs barges int"rr"r r.,t,.. ,i.,r.r""'"g violence.
Rita

"l am so hapl'-r"'' sltc slr itl' refe-rring to the pro-divorue vole. "l can finally rnove on with my life. The governrrtcltt lr;ts, 1() pirs.s lha 1.,, i,,',,neiiately. I warrl to rlivorce tornorrow.,,

;J[il: f[ :1,il':],lf '

'l

il;,,iln"tt""s

a'ress'st'n,r',rio'a'd

an u'cooperative husband,

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Xuereb, 4e, savs of rrre divorce raw ..rn Marta, we are very

Turnotrt irr tlr,,r'cli'r'cnrlrr,,r ,,.. ,, 7l

l.,.r..anttof atigiUle v.lers.

htt p ://www. t he st o r. c o nt / r

a v,,: /rt, g r

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)t)!)()0() ntolto votes-yes_to_divorce.

r{.ports

Acts of Service
'Actions speak louder than words.' Acts of service is doing things for the like going to a photocopy centbr in behalf of the other, giving a ride (if you knor
how to drive), cooking a meal, washing dishes, etc Service is different from slavery. Service is freely given, not our of fear, but out of choice.

Each person has a pimary love language. One of the frve love /anguages spe aks nore deeply to us emolionally than the other four. We can receive love hrough allfrve, but if we don't receive our pinary love language, we will not feel loves even though the penon is speakin g the other four. However, if they speak our primary love language sufficienfly, then the other four provide icing on the cake.
Leaming to speak tove and appreciation in a language the other persorlcan receive is the key to enhancing all human relationships.

Quality Time
One of the dialects of quality time: QUALITY CONVERSATIONS (sympathetic dialogue where two individuals are sharing their experiences, thoughts, feelings, and desires in a friendly, uninterupted context. lf words of affirmation is focused on what we say to the other, quality conversation fully fmuses as much on what we are hearing. This meahs, I willfocus on drawing you out, listening sympathetically to what you have to say; asking questions with a desire to understand thoughts, feelings, and desires. Of course, conversation also involves talking. Leam to also communicate by being in touch with your thoughts, fedings, and desires.'

YYords of

Affirmation

Another dialect is QUALITY LISiENING. Guidelines to becoming a sympathetic

There are many dialects within the lflords of affirmation': words of appreciation- expresging sincere gratitude for some acts of service rendered

r . .

words of encouragement- to inspire courage like saying, You can do it!'; "l can see you succeed in thatfeat.' words of praise recognizing someone's accomplishment (example, "Wow, you did a great job!')
kind words- not only what we say but the manner in which we say it

. Maintain eye nntad when you are listening to soneone. 2. Don't engage in other aclivilies while you are listening to another individual. 3. Listen for feelings. Claii$ by saying, 'it seems you are feeling .' 4. Obserue body language. Claify by asUng something fike, 'l notice hat you are ctying...does that an...? 5. Refuse to interupt. Your ohjective is to undersfand the other person, notto
1

listener

..

me

6.

Gifts
A gift is a tangible object that says, have this. I love you."

7.

8.

'l was thinking about you. I wanted you to

defend yourself or provide so/utbns. Ask reflective quesfions ikg What Ihear you saying is...An I conect?' Express u nd e rstan di n g. Ask if there is anything you might do that would be helptul. The person might not need an advice but only a simple hug,

Some gifis last for only a few hours but the mernory lasts for yean. The important thing is not the gift, but the emotional love that was communicated by the gift The right gift is any token, big or small, which speaks that emotional love. A gift is given without strings attached or else it ceases to be a gift. Leam the person's interests. Listen to what they care about For most of us, it requires making a list of the ideas we hear. fihese are clues as to what would be appropriate gifts to give an individual.l

QUALITY ACTIVITIES is another dialect. Being together, doing things together, giving each other undivided attention. The purpose is to experience something together and to walk away from it feeling, 'He/she cares about me; he/she was willing to do something with me that I enjoy.'

Physical Touch
Touch like hugs, kisses, back rubs, pats, tender touches, massages, and arm wrestling communicates love to other people. But the appropriateness of the touch must be considered. Good timing and the manner of those touch is also

required.

1\