What He Wants From You (1)

I decided to write this article today due to the series of messages I received from men thanking me for letting them know what the women folk want and asking me to help them by talking to the women for a balanced relationship.

Some people criticize me for always not balancing my articles. I do two articles every weekTuesday is for women while Friday is strictly for men. If you meet 10 women differently and ask them to tell you what it is that men want in a relationship, their answers would be predictable. It is not different when you ask men what they want from their woman. You will get all the answers acceptable to the society, but the truth is that what men say they want is, in most cases, different from what they actually want. This article, if well read and assimilated could bring the change you need in your relationship. Every man wants a woman who will make him feel good and on top. If a woman understands that the best way to make a man feel good in a relationship is simply by being a woman, that woman will have the man, a real man, go places for her. I laugh when women, during my counselling sessions complain of their in-laws calling them witches and accusing them of using juju to control him. I want you to hear this: if as a married woman, you have not been accused of such, there is something you are not doing right or true love and friendship is absent in your relationship. Men, most times believe they are the head; I agree they are the head, but when it comes to control, the woman is actually in control of the man (you may not understand this now). Before writing this article, I talked to several men and with the knowledge gained from my counselling sessions, I bring to your knowledge those things that will make your man go the extra mile for you. Dont stop professing love A good number of women are good when it comes to romance before marriage, but once they enter the mans house, it becomes a battle ground. I was opportune to counsel a woman who was well known as a flirt when she was single. When I encountered her, she was the opposite of all she was. This made me to remember what my aunty told me sometime, there is the law of diminishing returns. You dont have to stop those sweet words just because you are now his wife; he still yearns for those beautiful words. Centre of Interest

Most men want to be the centre of a womans interest, whether that is fair or not, and dont want her devotion to work placed above her devotion to him. I know men in this generation dont like getting married to a woman who will become a liability, but they also want a woman who will somehow depend on them. Women often feel men detest career women just because they are independent; you are very wrong. As a very busy woman and one who wants to touch lives in her generation, I have come to realise that men are not really against us because we are busy and have good source of income. They are attracted to women like us because of their level of intelligence and commitment to work. The problem is that when they get close to you, they are disappointed by your I dont need a man attitude. Yes, you work hard for your money, but he still wants to be brought in when it comes to certain decisions. More feminine look Men are visual; everyone knows. To a good number of men, even when they go after semi-nude women, they still adore women who have those feminine looks. Your feminine look catches a mans attention and makes him see you as a woman who loves being a woman and not a sex toy. I remember one evening at Ikoyi Club when men made so many beautiful comments about my flowing dress and dropping ear rings. There were ladies there who dressed half naked, but didnt get the kind of compliments I got. I am saying this to let you know that your look says so much about you. Dont go on making that mistake of believing men love you semi-nude. When you dress that way, they see you as nothing, but a sex toy and they get attracted to you just for that reason. When you wear more of those dresses and long hairstyles, men get crazy for you for the right reasons. You also have to know that men are not so much after how much you weigh; they want your body proportionate with the curves still there. I must also use this medium to remind us we are still African women. You are not supposed to be obese, but dont forget that African women are envied for their curves, hips, and bum. I know a good number of men love women with these features, but I must also tell you to always try to find out how your man wants you to be in your efforts to look skinny. Recently, I was told by my man to make sure I dont lose my hips and bum just because I want to lose weight. He further said what he really wanted to say, I dont want you to lose any weight. I had to forget about losing weight because I love him and want to make him happy. He enjoys good sex

Please dont be deceived into believing your husband is too spiritual and busy that he doesnt care about sex. No matter his level of spirituality, he still loves good sex. Dont let anyone brainwash you into believing there are sex styles that a good Christian or Muslim shouldnt get involved in. Anything done during sexual intercourse in marriage is right and acceptable. Find out what your husband wants, but dont forget he may not open up to you because of his position in the church; find it out yourself by attempting to do those things to him. But you also have to help him not to see sex as hard labour by losing some weights, dealing with that vaginal odour, and being very flexible for him. Dress to please him and not other women Often times we ignore the desires of that man we claim to love just because we want to make a statement among friends. I may excuse you if you are in just a dating relationship with him, but the moment you take that relationship a step further into courtship, you must start seeing yourself as the glory of that man. Being the glory of a man means you are now to dress the way he wants and how he wants it. Dont fix that hairstyle or lashes because they are in vogue and your friends have them on. Dont go for a short or long dress without first knowing what he admires in women. If you go ahead dressing for your friends and not for him, chances are he may end up getting attracted to a woman who dresses the way he wants. When I did an article in 2009 on unfaithfulness, a man called me confessing how he is into an extra marital affair just because his wife refused to dress the way he likes. According to him, he likes women in jeans, well manicured red polished nails and red lips. He said he spends so much to buy the best designer range for his girlfriend who wants to please him. He said he will stop being unfaithful the moment his wife starts dressing for him. Ladies, please dont go on dressing for your religious leader or the society; dress for your man. Sit with him while he eats They will not tell you, but this is one thing they cherish. When it was just a dating relationship, you did this and much more like stroking his back when he eats. But now that he is legally yours, you feel its no longer important. I see women eat before or after their husband; this is wrong. Meal time is actually a time to bond with the man you love. It is not enough for you to just cook and have him eat while you do other house chores. He wants you to stay by him while he enjoys, not just the cooking, but the beautiful woman he is in love with. The concluding part of this article comes next week. My number is strictly for sms; please bear with me.

What He Wants From You (2)

I started this very topic last week and decided to do the concluding part of it today. Have you started practising those few tips I gave out last week? Here is the concluding part of this article. He appreciates the fear of God in you. Charm is deceitful and beauty is vain, but a woman who fears the Lord shall be praised. The greatest legacy you can leave for your children is that of righteousness and godly living. The heart of your husband trusts you more when he finds out that you are close to God and actually lives it. Being respected is more important than being loved. Civilization is good, but it has also done so much to destroy our values. Women used to allow their husbands discuss privately with friends, business partners, and relations. I know some men still download everything for the woman once they get into the bedroom (this is highly commendable), but it would be nice if you allow him be in the presence of friends and relations. There is a place that is for the man alone in every relationship. How do you think he feels knowing you call him all sorts of names and slap him in public only to wake up the next morning professing love without end? I know you are too educated and civilized to allow a man toy with you, but the truth remains that he will toy with you once in a while. No amount of love can take the place of respect for a man in a relationship. Look sexy at all times It is really sad how some women lose their sense of style the moment they become Mrs. XYZ. That man saw you and fell in love with you and your looks. He admired your style and hair-do; he was always running home to meet his wife who would be dressed in sexy lingerie. But things have fallen apart since the day your baby arrived and now the man, after seeing all the very beautiful ladies while at work, goes home to a wife who ties wrapper all through the evening and goes to bed in it. Madam, please help your husband by spending less on the Brazilian hair and Iman powder; use the money for some good, sexy night wears and lingerie. If your body is flabby, a little exercise would help fix you. Avoid nagging

When a man enters the house on a daily basis with the thought of being welcome by a nagging wife, he starts looking for a better and more peaceful hideout somewhere outside the home. He is your husband and not your baby. If you know you got him from God and through the right means, there is no point struggling to keep him; your good character will keep him, but he will go if he is not yours. You should also work on your self-esteem and step up a bit if you think you are not good enough for him. He wants to be well fed Our women are gradually losing it when it comes to proper feeding of the family. Marriage is not about you being good in bed; what happens to the man after the good sex with no good food from his wife? He wants to be envied for having you I believe you know what this means. Your man wants to be praised, honoured, and called blessed by his friends just for having you as his wife. A good wife will ever remain the crown and glory of her husband. Your man cannot be proud to have you by his side when all you do is fight on the street and gossip from one house to the other. What about your physical looks? I felt so sad the day I saw a man well dressed in jeans and t-shirt only for his wife to walk in with one Ankara that made her look like his mother. Ladies, please try to brush up a bit especially when you find your husband moving to a higher position. This could be his reason for keeping you at the background in church and having that deaconess take your place in the running of the church. This could be the reason he does not take you along to business dinner and his companys end of the year party. Please step up a bit and learn how to make heads turn whenever you walk in. You should know how to dress to suit all occasions. I also advise women to make efforts to move higher in their education whenever they see a man aspiring for a new status at work. He wants to be able to flaunt you before his friends and colleagues without the fear of you acting or doing something to tarnish his image. Dont let him start looking for the very educated ones to relate with; get up and get some good education. Invite him on a dinner date once in a while We are brought up to believe that a mans cross in life is to be our ATM. I agree with you and that is the principle of nature, but you have to sometimes foot the bills, madam. Our men feel special when we invite

them for a date and actually take care of the bills. A good number of them will opt to pay at the end of the day, but they will ever appreciate you in their heart. I also have this habit of making sure my man looks good. It could be very tough with a man who is full of ego and who hates being advised by a woman. If you dont like how he dresses, dont dump him or probably sit far with your friends during occasions; you should have a way of making him dress well and to your taste (thats if you have a good fashion sense). Cigarettes make you cheap and easy You may not agree with this, but I know a good number of people think this way. This has nothing to do with timidity, but the first impression people have about you when they see you smoke as a woman is that you are not a happy person, you are a very cheap whore and one of those women who live in the club, you have no morals and good upbringing, and you are simply frustrated. Please dont drop the pet names He was honey, sugar-pie, baby, and ololufe before the baby came. The baby has come and now you are a member of your village meeting. The one time honey-pie has become baba Iyabo and papa Nkechi. In doing this, you are indirectly telling him you are no longer the sexy baby, but mama Iyabo and mama Nkechi. He wants you to have high self-esteem It does not take too much effort to know a woman with very high self-esteem. A woman that is high in self-esteem will never waste her precious time discussing other people. A woman with a very high selfesteem does not live a life of constant suspicion. You are making life miserable for him and nagging him out of the house just because you have failed to deal with the terrible disease called low self-esteem. He loves it when you smile A woman who smiles has a way of reaching the deepest part of a mans heart. A woman of cheerful countenance finds her husband and even his friends addicted to her. There is nothing as healing and

soothing to a man as his wife opening the door for him with a cheerful face. There is this glory and aura that surrounds you when you have a free spirit. Listen more I used to be a very good listener, but after my bitter experiences in marriage, I started feeling I was taken advantage of because of those virtues that I exhibited in marriage. This made me become very defensive and kind of saucy. But during my morning devotion someday, I read the passage of the scripture that asks us to be quick to hear and slow to speak. This made me start praying and with the help of God, I am learning again to keep calm at all times and this is really working in my relationship. I didnt just get here; I found myself here due to past experiences. Maybe you found him taking advantage of your goodness and godly qualities. You could have seen your friends who exchange words in public with their man succeed in their marriage; this does not make it right. Dont let what other people do make you change in the negative. Learn to say I am sorry I am one person who cannot keep malice. I forget things the moment they happen and I forgive easily. This made me live to be crawling on my knees begging a man for peace to reign in the home even when he was always wrong. When the marriage came to an end, I promised myself never to apologise to a man again. I tried this severally, but you know true love has a way of breaking you in pieces without you knowing it. There is nothing wrong in you being the one to apologise for peace to reign in your home. It doesnt make you the weak party, it says just one thing; you are a real woman.