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The food critics' lot is not an easy one. First of all, he must attemptto judge what cannot be judged.Then,he must sit through an endless succession bad of mealsbeforedelivering judghis ments. And finally he must cope with criticismof the "so what if - you don't like it? I do," variety. Until a few years ago, 'food critic' came pretty near the top in my listing of useless occupations, edgingout such perennlal favourites income tax officer as and state govern,ment minister. Then, through a strangecombination of circumstances,ended I up as a food critic myself. At first, I was faintly incredulous. Was I really supposed eat my to way through mounds,of tandoori chicken in an effort to discover which bird had been rubbed with the right masalas after it was killed?And did anyoneserlously expect me to pontificate about Sichuan and Hunan cuisineswhile at the sametime feigning a deep knowledgeof onion uttapams? Two years and many upset stomachs later, I discovered lhat my initial .misgivingshad been unfounded. lt was possibleto evaluate food and while lt was silly to pass off rhe subjective judgements of one's taste-buds as objective truths, certain standards could be applied, both to individual restaurants, to enand tire cuisines. It is admittedly,a little absurd to decide that Punjabi food is

Tanjore, Bombey. Photo: Mitter Bedi is how to rate Chinese restaurants in lndia. Most self-respecting Chinamenwould probably pass out if they ate at Tutkuks, Chinese Room or many other Bombay Punjabi-Chinese establishments, unauthentic the so ls food. But doesthis give the food oitic the right to tear into these places? After all, they are packed out night after night with pah rons who enjoy their sweet and sour pakoras. How then is the critic to come to any concluslons? My solution has been to try and judge each restaurant lts own on terms. lf the restaurant trying is to be Punjabi-Chinese, then l' juCge it as a Punjabl-Chinese rstaurant, make this clear ln and the review. Often, the answersare not so easy. Two bhelpuriwallahs may serye an ldentical product, the only difference being that one used more tamarind in his chutney. How is the critic to declde? (for Should his own preference more or lesstamarind)determine the rating the bhelpuriwallah receives? Otherg may like a different tamarind concentration, My solution has been to merely point out the difference -and let my readers maketheir own sions,
An occupational hazard of food reviewing is that once a negative review appears, all hell breaks lose. The restaurant in questlon

Gonfessionsof A Food Gritic

better than Bengali cuisine, but only a stubborn chauvinistwould deny that one can look at the variety, complexity and range of a cuisineand passa judgementon il. For instance French cuisine is justly regarded as one of the world's best because of the imagination shown by its inventors in the selection and use of ingredients. On the other hand most African cuisines are dull and unimaginative. This is an objective distinction but egually, it is entirely possible that a person may love yams and other ingredients of African cuisine and detest the sauces of French cooking. This does not mean that African cuisine is better, simply that its dull, unimagi'native nature appeals to 6ome people. There are problems involved in judging individual restaurants. The standard food critic's dilemma

to "lt is possible evduatefood but silly to piss off the subjective judgemen ts of one's taste-budsas objectivetruths... the frbre you eat and the more places!u viiit, the better youi iudtoment', Vikram Sinha
refuses to accept your view and to cadger#reemeals off iestaurattempts are made to suggest ants.And'sadly, there is no shortthat you've been bought over by age of #hinfor.med know-it-alls a rival/know nothing about food/ who pontificate out of ,ignorance, you never visited the restaurant My years ff.the job have at all, etc. taught me that in this business, I am sympathetic to such proexperience aRd exposure are testations because food criticism everything. The more you eat and in lndia has long been associat- more placesyolgvisit, the better ed with hacks artd freeloaders your judgement.' Sadly,not all who use their restaurant columns of us have the rig6t opportuni-

ties, 9ome years ago, I used to read with growing amazemeot the turgid food criticism of one jack-of-all-trades who pontificateci about Chinese cuisinebecause somebodyhad once invited him to Calcutta's Chinatown, and who held forth about French food on the basisof a cookbooka friend had probably once lent him. Fortunately, this particular critic has now disappeared into the journalisticoblivion he so richly deserved, his smugness but whlle on the job, made,merealisehow easy it. is to talk nonsense and still call yourselfa food critic. ' lt also made me realisehow finally, it is all a matter of individual taste. Because critk a says a Lobster Thermidor is not perfect, is no reason for you to not like it. As with most things, critics can only apply one set-of standalds. But ultimately, evety man must decide for himself.