DECODING THE LIFE OF A TANGLED TEENAGER

It is true that one cannot gauge the depth of one’s sufferings by simply
studying their countenance or their body language. About 95% of the
parents today all over the world struggle to remain close to their children
who seem to be slipping further away from them with every passing moment.
Parents will go to any extent to achieve this seemingly impossible task- from
writing in ‘teenache’ in ‘ Women’s era’, to seeking professional help from
psychiatrists, but all in vain.
The bond between a child & its parents is that of Tom & Jerry, where it
would be impossible to imagine life without the other. Then, why is it that
over the years, the relationship changes? Why is it that as a child enters its
teens, that common bond of love starts developing a tension? Why is it that
they fail to understand each other & their inter personal relationship
becomes stressed? Why is it that under the test of time, the bond starts
wearing & ultimately snaps? Is it the carelessness of the parents or the
immaturity of the teenagers?
In the rat race today, the level of competency has increased manifold, with
friends who can turn out to be worse than enemies. Naturally, the primary
concern of every parent is to secure a bright future for their children. But
do parents unintentionally push their children over the edge which causes a
burnout. Along with it comes the phobia of board results which are anything
short of 95% & the shame of failing to fulfill their parents’ expectations
causes teenagers to take their own life.
Teenagers are often glamorized by the latest cell phones & ipods which
their peers may be possessing. Peers often come as the snake in disguise
that lured Eve to have a bite of the forbidden apple which caused the
banishment of Adam & Eve from the Garden of Eden. Teenagers are thrilled
at the idea of smoking or having a swig of vodka if only to become the most
popular figure in class, little realizing that one taste is sufficient to make
them drug addicts forever.
Man has always been a social animal & the fear of being alone instills
insecurity in the teenage mind. In the metropolitan & cosmopolitan cities
especially, where both the father as well as the mother are the bread
earners of the family, there are many teenagers who feel neglected &
uncared for. Not surprisingly, these are the teenagers who have juvenile
cases against them for substance abuse. They form the maximum clientage
of psychiatrists & spend the rest of their teenage lives in rehabilitation
centers.
Ironically, there are also parents who take to eavesdropping on their
teenage children’s phone conversations or reading their personal messages,
letters or even diaries. They even go to the extent of turning up at their
children’s coaching institutes unexpectedly, since they obviously don’t place
any faith in the adolescent minds of their children. They may argue that
their suspicions are justified- what with teenage couples eloping & teenage
pregnancies becoming rampant that there are no ambits to a relationship in
which the teenagers can be involved with the opposite sex. But these
parents fail to understand that we teenagers also need space & the more
caged you make them feel, greater is their urge to fly. On the contrary,
spying can have adverse effects. Teenagers stop sharing their feelings with
you because they are afraid of how you may react to them & instead, their
best friend becomes their confidante when it comes to telling about their
latest crushes, problems or opinions about the world & people.
The question put forth by most distressed parents is that what should they
do to prevent the backfiring of their plans (spying etc) which according to
them has been done with the best interests of their children in mind? How
can they ensure that the teenagers today lead a healthy life free from
substance abuse & unnecessary distractions by giving them space &
freedom?
The answer is simple. Talk to them. Spend time with them. Listen patiently
to what they have to say since they are the budding leaders of the world. Do
not crush their sentiments thoughtlessly or injure their self esteem. At the
same time, you can lay down the ground rules when it comes to dating &
“hanging out”. Do not impose yourself on your children. They are mature
enough to make some of their own decisions. Most importantly, the
foundation of all healthy relationships is trust for such relationships are
meant to last & should never risk being marred.
Devika Agarwal
Class 10
La martiniere Girls’ College