Social Phobia (article)

People with social phobia fear that their behaviour will lead to negative judgment by
others, even though they recognize this fear is illogical. Social Phobia (social anxiety
disorder) is defined as the fear (anxiety) of being judged, criticized, and evaluated by
other people. This fear is recognized as irrational by the individual; nevertheless, the fear
of judgment in social situations persists.

People who have social phobia usually find it difficult to be introduced to other people ("I
wonder what they're thinking about me; I'll bet they don't like me"), attracting attention to
the self or being the centre of attention, being watched while doing something ("They
don't like what I'm doing; I must be making a fool of myself"), and feeling insecure and
self-conscious in most public settings.

Life is difficult for the person with social phobia because they feel they do not fit in with
every one else. Something is wrong with them. Therefore, it is easier to stay away and
avoid all contact with people in social situations, whenever possible.

A woman hates to stand in line in the grocery store because she's afraid that everyone is
watching her. She knows that it's not really true, but she can't shake the feeling. While she
is shopping, she is conscious of the fact that people might be staring at her .Now, she has
to talk to the person who's checking out her groceries. She tries to smile, but her voice
comes out weakly. She's sure she's making a fool of herself. Her self-consciousness and
anxiety rises...

Another person sits in front of the telephone and agonizes because he/she's afraid to pick
up the receiver and make a call. he/She's even afraid to call an unknown person in a
business office because he/she's afraid he/she'll be "putting someone out" and they will be
upset with him/her. It's very hard for him/her to take rejection, even over the phone, even
from someone he/she doesn't know.

He/She's especially afraid to call people he/she does know because he/she feels that
he/she'll be calling at the wrong time -- the other person will be busy -- and they won't
want to talk with him/her. He/She feels rejected even before he/she makes the call.

A man hates to go to work because a meeting is scheduled the next day. He knows that
these meetings always involve co-workers talking with each other about their current
projects. Just the thought of speaking in front of co-workers raises his anxiety. Sometimes
he can't sleep the night before because of the anxiety that builds up. Finally, the meeting
is over. A big wave of relief spills over him as he begins to relax.
But the memory of the meeting is still uppermost in his mind. He is convinced he made a
fool of himself and that everyone in the room saw how afraid he was when he spoke, and
how stupid he acted in their presence.
At next week's meeting, the boss is going to be there. Even though this meeting is seven
days away, his stomach turns raw with anxiety and fear floods over him again.
He knows that in front of the boss he'll stammer, hesitate, his face will turn red, he won't
remember what to say, and everyone will witness his embarrassment and humiliation.
He has seven miserable days of anxiety ahead of him -- to think about it, think over it,
worry about it, over-exaggerate it in his mind.......again and again and again.....
A student won't attend his/her university classes on the first day because he/she knows
that in some classes the professor will instruct them to go around the room and introduce
themselves.
Just thinking about sitting there, waiting to introduce him/herself to a roomful of
strangers who will be staring at him/her makes him/her feels nauseous.

He/She knows he/she won't be able to think clearly because his/her anxiety will be so
high, and he/she is sure he/she will leave out important details. His/Her voice might even
quiver and he/she will sound scared and tentative. The anxiety is just too much to bear---
so he/she skips the first day of class to avoid the possibility of having to introduce
him/herself in class.

In public places, such as work, meetings, or shopping, people with social anxiety feel that
everyone is watching, staring, and judging them (even though rationally they know this
isn't true).

The socially anxious person can't relax, "take it easy", and enjoy themselves in public. In
fact, they can never fully relax when other people are around. It always feels like others
are evaluating them, being critical of them, or "judging" them in some way. The person
with social anxiety knows that people don't do this openly, of course, but they still feel
the self-consciousness and judgment while they are in the other person's presence.

It's sometimes impossible to let go, relax, and focus on anything else except the anxiety
and fear. Because the anxiety is so very painful, it's much easier just to stay away from
social situations and avoid other people altogether.

Many times people with social anxiety simply must be alone---closeted---with the door
closed behind them. Even when they're around familiar people, a person with social
anxiety may feel overwhelmed and have the feeling that others are noticing their every
movement and critiquing their every thought. They feel like they are being observed
critically and that other people are making negative judgments about them.

To the person with social anxiety, going to a job interview is pure torture: you know your
excessive anxiety will give you away. You'll look funny, you'll be hesitant, maybe you'll
even blush, and you won't be able to find the right words to answer the questions
coherently. Maybe this is the worst part of all:
You know that you are going to say the wrong thing. You just know it. It is especially
frustrating because you know you could do the job well if you could just get past this
terrifying and threatening interview.

One thing that all socially anxious people share is the knowledge that their thoughts and
fears are basically irrational. That is, people with social anxiety know that others are
really not critically judging or evaluating them all the time.
They understand that people are not trying to embarrass or humiliate them. They realize
that their thoughts and feelings are somewhat exaggerated and irrational. Yet, despite this
rational knowledge, they still continue to feel differently.

It is these automatic "feelings" and thoughts that occur around social situations that must
be met and conquered . Usually these anxious feelings are tied to thoughts that are
knotted in a vicious cycle of negative expectations and negative judgment.

Overcoming Shyness and Social Phobia (self help)

There are also a number of coping techniques that you can use to relieve anxiety when
you find yourself in a social situation.

Slow, Deep breathing.

when you think “Everyone is watching me,” you look around the room or the street and
take an actual count of the people who truly are watching you (You’ll find that few will
even be looking in your direction.)
Rather than leave a social situation, you wait 15 minutes and see if your anxiety
symptoms lessen. If they get even a little bit better, wait 15 minutes more.

Positive self-talk can reduce anxiety. It includes telling yourself that your symptoms and
anxiety will diminish if you wait them out, and that other people in the room are probably
anxious too.

Breaking some of the tension by verbalizing your feelings in a humorous way ( I sure am
a nervous wreck.).

Carrying supportive statements, such as,

“I’ve handled this before, and I can handle it now.

Imagine a stressful situation happening in a comfortable place.

Focus on personal qualities you like about yourself.

Eat with a close relative, friend or acquaintance (someone with whom you feel safe) in a
public setting — a picnic or a restaurant.

Make eye contact and return greetings from others, or say hello first.

Prepare for conversation. For instance, read the newspaper to identify an interesting story
you can talk about.

Give someone a compliment.

Show an interest in others. Ask about their homes, children and grandchildren, hobbies or
travels.
Get directions from a stranger.

Practise becoming fascinated by other people. Ask them about themselves, and
concentrate when they answer you. Remember what they tell you about themselves so
you can talk about it later, or on another occasion.

Great socialises make other people feel comfortable and interesting. How do they do
that?
By being really, genuinely interested in other people. If you are talking to someone and
you feel boring or inferior, ask why that is. Is it really all your fault?

Practise using fewer 'personal pronouns' when you talk about things. Sentences beginning
with 'I' are not only a turn-off for the listener; they also keep the focus of attention on
you, which increase shyness.
(Note: Of course, part of friendship is giving away things about yourself, but only when
you feel it is appropriate to do so.)

Remember that the way to overcome shyness is to focus elsewhere. Like on imagining
what it will be like to really enjoy the social event, on how it will feel to be full of energy,
or to be having a great conversation with someone.

Overcoming shyness is about doing the things that allow you to enjoy social situations,
not wondering why you feel shy!
Good luck .....