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Learning & Inspirational Moments (Sep 07):

6 Questions that can change your life! (Part 1)
Hi everyone,

I hope everything is fine and you are doing well. Remember, you will
always have a choice to respond to your circumstances or conditions you are in
right now! So, choose to respond positively and productively.

2. About 1.5 years back, my Change Mgtm teacher Dr. Jacob Lee presented
a book to me as a gift towards the end of my 9 mths programme at Civil Service
College (Thank you Jacob). The title of the book is "6 Questions That Can
Change Your Life. Completely. Dramatically. Forever." by Joseph Nowinski,
Phd. This book changed the way I look at my life and shaped me significantly to
who I am today.

3. An apprentice monk asked his superior whether he was allowed to smoke

while praying. “Of course not!”answered the superior with indignation: “How dare
you ask a question like that?”The apprentice thought about the reprimand and
three weeks later he approached his superior again, and asked whether he was
allowed to pray while he was smoking. “Of course, young man. No matter what
you do, you are always allowed to pray!”

4. Jesus' message “Ask and you shall receive”was both a promise and a
warning. Words are extremely powerful agents. Thoughts are nothing but an
endless stream of questions and answers in your mind. As long as you ask
the right question you will prosper and grow. But if you ask too many
wrong questions you will become impoverished and ill.

5. For the next 2 month's Learning and Inspirational Moments, I would like to
share with all of you what are the 6 important questions all of us should reflect on
in order to become the person we ought to be (3 questions each month). In my
opinion, all human progress is preceded by a new question. By improving the
quality of your questions you will ensure your progress and improve the quality of
your life.
 H H
F-XC A N GE F-XC A N GE
PD PD

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6. Six Questions That Can Change Your Life doesn't focus on the surface of
success or relationships, but rather on a deeper level of emotional awareness
that opens the way for a true vision of life happiness. The questions themselves
are deceptively simple. Dr. Joseph Nowinski uses these questions to urge us
forward, looking at what our deepest wishes are and how to manifest them,
rather than as an analysis of past behaviour. He insists we get past the demands
of society's rules and "shoulds" in order to find lasting satisfaction and
reconciliation between our day-to-day lives and our larger dreams.

Here are the first 3 questions we should all reflect on...

Question 1: Who I am? vs What I should be?

Quoted from the book, pg 33.

This first question tackles the question of our identity. Rather than ask ourselves
"Who should I be?"- a question designed to lead us outside ourselves- we can
ask ourselves "Who I am?- a question that focuses on looking inside for answers.

The question Who am I? invites us to explore our temperaments, our tastes and
our talents, leading us towards a sense of personal integration, wholeness, and
self-acceptance. When we allow ourselves to ask this question, we're building a
solid foundation of resilient self-esteem that can help us to discover a vision for
our lives. In contrast, focusing on the question Who should I be? creates a sense
of fragmentation. Based entirely on looking to others to define ourselves, this
approach to life and identity leads to confusion, anxiety, and fragile self-esteem.

Many of us spend our formative years developing an identity based on Who

should I be? We attempt to live up an amalgam of messages from our families,
our peers, and society. Their expectations collect into an ideal image that we try
to re-create, only dimly aware that the image originates outside of ourselves.
These external forces are almost impossible to resist. This is especially so in a
materialistic society in Singapore.

Jim's reflections...
I reflected much on this question and I made a decision to be who I am instead
of who I should become. I realised that being "Who you should be" is very
stressful and draining. It requires a lot of my energy and effort. However, since I
made a choice to be who I am, I noticed that I am able to do what I am good at
and most important of all, I am happy! :) I am not so affected by how others see
me and my expectations of who I am now comes from within. I feel free!

I feel that too often, we get caught up in doing, instead of simply being. So, time
to rediscover who you are....
 H H
F-XC A N GE F-XC A N GE
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Question 2: Why am I here? vs. What do I want?

Quoted from the book, pp 66-69

What would the world be like if one-tenth of us decide that instead of asking what
do I want? we would ask,
Why am I here? Instead of viewing our actions through the lens of desire, we
would select our actions based on our purpose.

Fulfilling our desires may be fine for the short term, but when it comes to living a
life of real purpose, we must begin from a place we have total control over- our
own intentions. When we make these intentions conscious- as when we ask
ourselves Why am I here?- they become our mission.

We all have legitimate needs- shelter, food and companionship, etc. But in our
modern society, we've ventured way beyond these basic desires. When we only
ask ourselves What do I want? we're led to a life of insatiable craving, envy, and
chronic dissatisfaction. No sooner do we have what we think we want, we ask
ourselves, yet again, What do I want
now? Going through life asking What do I want? is like asking Who should I be?
Both questions push our focus outward. What do I want? leads us to define
ourselves by outside forces.

Why am I here? challenges us to view ourselves in defining ourselves. We find

ourselves moving from craving to meaning as a basis for living. Mother Teresa
was moved throughout her life to answer the question Why am I here? Mahatma
Gandhi struggled unhappily as a lawyer until he asked himself the question Why
am I here?- this shift changed not only his life but also the destinies of millions of
his country people.

Jim's reflections...
I reflected on this question in 2004 when I was undergoing the 7 habits of highly
effective programme conducted by Cluster A key appointment holders. In habit 2
(Begin with the end in Mind), I asked myself the above 2 important questions,
Who am I? and Why am I here? The result of my reflections was a mission
statement to guide my life purpose. Since 2004, this mission statement of mine
has undergone 3 revisions and now I am read it once every Monday to take stock
of my life and this important mission statement of mine also help to guide me on
my daily actions and interactions with people around me. However, I am still
"discovering" that purpose as I go along.

Most of us are simply too busy, caught up in just living day to day, to take time to
consciously ask ourselves who we are and why we're living the way we are. I
hope you will stop whatever you are doing (after work of course!!!) and spend
some time reflecting on the above questions. I did, and these 2 questions
changed my life.
 H H
F-XC A N GE F-XC A N GE
PD PD

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Question 3: Where do I belong? vs. What is my position?

Quoted from the book, pp 88-91

In modern society, the most common way we ask ourselves this question is,
What is my position? When I ask people this question, they usually have no
problem answering- they immediately respond by telling me their job title or their
profession. They conveniently define their place as their role in some corporate
or social hierarchy. What is the main problem with this? First, it causes us to
identify solely with our work; second, it places us in a pecking order, as some
positions traditionally have higher status than others- status that can also be
ripped away at a moment's notice.

Contrast this with the third question, Where do I belong? When we ask
ourselves this question, we are immediately rooted in something real and lasting:
our connection to loved ones, to our traditions, and to the place we feel most
ourselves. Where do I belong? gives us perspective, immediately coaxing us to
draw associations and links to others. When we think about where we belong, we
learn to embrace who we are. We will grow and expand our ability to love and
appreciate our bonds. Ultimately, we get so much more enjoyment and
satisfaction out of our lives.

Jim's reflections...
Where do I belong? asks us to define our place by what we find inside, rather
than what we see around us. Sometimes as a coach, I often guide my younger
officers and especially the ambitious ones not to identify their sense of place too
much with their position because our position in our organisation because it
simply lack permanence. I always tell them that their position is given to them by
the bosses and it can be taken away from them overnight! By focusing on what
position they want for the future, they are looking outside for definition or
validation of who they are. We are what we do regardless of our position both in
organisation and society. Be who you are and have a clear purpose in your
life.

7. Virtually everything we think and do is generated by questions. In fact, all

through the day we ask ourselves multiple questions from "What should I wear?"
to "What should I do with my life?" My dear friends, our self-esteem,
relationships, and careers are all profoundly affected by the kinds of questions
we ask (inside our heads). So, Change Your Questions, and you will Change
Your Life.

8. Please keep a lookout for Part 2 of this sharing next month. I will cover the
other 3 important questions that will change your life Completely. Dramatically.
Forever. Do share with me your thoughts and reflections on the above 3
questions. I would like to thank those who have shared with me your reflections
 H H
F-XC A N GE F-XC A N GE
PD PD

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and thoughts since I started this Learning and Inspirational Moments 2 years
ago. Your sharing helped me to grow as well. Keep them coming. :)

9. Until then, rediscover who you are, live a purpose driven life and root
yourself in something lasting. We must look for ways to be an active force in
our own lives. We must take charge of our own destinies, design a life of
substance, and truly begin to live our dreams.

Have a great day ahead!

JIMMY LEE

We cannot do all the good the world needs,

But the world needs all the good we can do!

“From what we get, we can make a living; what we give, however, makes a life.”