Lesson #1

GOD’S GOALS FOR THE FAMILY

Purpose:
To help parents adopt God’s plan for their family by increasing their understanding of God’s purpose for the family
in His kingdom and the parents’ key role in shaping godly children.

A. Understanding God’s Design for the Family: God’s design is the best!
B. Learning God’s Way of Rescuing the Family: God can help any family!
C. Embracing God’s Goals for the Family: God’s goals are my goals!
!!!!Summary /Questions/Notes

A. Understanding God’s Design for the Family

1) God’s design is the best!
The inventor best understands the intricacies of his product. Sure he might explain the functions to others, but in the
end only the designer really understands how the individual parts fit into the whole purpose. In order for us to
understand the family, we need to go back to the Creator of the family. God formed and fashioned both man and
woman and then ordered them into married units. God’s blessing upon each of these couples would be shown when
they would bear forth a new person that united resemblances of both the father and mother. God encouraged this
process by commanding the couples to be fruitful and multiply.

“And God created man in His own image, in the image of God He created him; male and female He created them. And
God blessed them; and God said to them, "Be fruitful and multiply, and fill the earth, and subdue it; and rule over the fish
of the sea and over the birds of the sky, and over every living thing that moves on the earth."” Genesis 1:27,28

When something goes wrong with my printer, I don’t turn to my radio owner’s manual for help. I look for the printer
manual. The same is true with the family. If we have questions on how to guide the family, whether it be the
individual parts or the whole purpose, we turn to God’s Word, the Bible, where our Creator Designer has clearly
spoken everything we need to know about the family (2 Timothy 3:16-17).

Sometimes we are slow to obey God’s Word. We hear so much about caring for the physical or emotional needs of a
child that we forget the importance of his or her inner needs. What are a child’s inner needs?

God told us in the verses above that man was made distinct from the other animals; the male and female human
beings were made in God’s image. Man was designed to communicate with God a spirit. Man is more than his body;
he has an invisible part that is partly comprised of a heart (seat of affection), a will, and a conscience. Man, for
example, is set apart from the animals by his self-awareness. God also has a design for the family itself.

Biblical Foundations for Freedom www.foundationsforfreedom.net NAS Bible used

2) God’s Design for the Family
God did not only form male and female people. He also designed
marriage and family to accomplish His overall purposes.

a) God’s Plan for the Family

The family serves a crucial part in God’s kingdom plans on earth. The
family is the means by which God communicates, preserves and
further expands His holy influence. The home is the place in which His
truths are lived out and taught. By visiting a Christian family, one
should be able to gain a good glimpse of God’s goodness, love, order,
communion, provision and law.

Pause for Reflection: Name three things a person would understand

about God and His ways by staying with your family for a week?

b) A Brief History of the Family

God created the first family with Adam as its head and Eve as his helpmate. This couple became the first family and
the origin of all the other families on earth. Adam, the male, was responsible for the decisions made in the family.
When he made wise decisions, his family prospered. When he chose to disobey God’s rules, his family and all the
families originating from him were seriously impacted.

“Therefore, just as through one man sin entered into the world, and death through sin, and so death spread to all men,
because all sinned--” Romans 5:12

Adam’s children, then, not only inherited a physical and invisible likeness to their parents, but also a sin nature
(tendency to go against God’s way). It would seem that God could no longer accomplish His purposes through man,
but God didn’t give up on the family.

We begin to see God’s intention when in Genesis 12 God started a new family. From the then existing chaotic and
rebellious society, God chose a man and his descendants through which His holy purpose would be preserved and
multiplied. God chose Abraham to leave the world and go where He appointed him.

Abraham wasn’t perfect, and yet God was able and willing to use him to bring great blessings to the world through
his family. Even today God uses the family as a platform to expand His holy and good purposes.

It was through one of these good families that God brought Jesus Christ, His only begotten Son, into the world. This
righteous couple lived and taught God’s Word to Jesus. Later Jesus would mightily use what He had learned as a
child. God made a new family and called it the church. God the Father sacrificed His own Son so that others like us
could be adopted into His family as His children and live out His truth.

“But as many as received Him, to them He gave the right to become children of God, even to those who believe in His
name,” John 1:12

God has clearly instructed both the church and the family on how to succeed in life. Without strong families, the
church and society will be weak. When the families are strong, then Christ can develop His wonderful plan for the
church. God has given us His Holy Spirit and Word by which we can have godly families and churches. With God’s
Word in our hands, we can no longer say that God did not tell us how to produce godly families.

Pause for Reflection: What is needed to make a strong family? What are one or two things your own family needs
to strengthen so that God can better use your family for His purposes?

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 B. Learning God’s Way of Rescuing the Family
1) God Can Help Any Family!
God astonishes us by the way He chooses to help our broken families. He combines His wisdom, power and grace to
lift up a family and cause His good purpose to be accomplished through it. We hardly know all of God’s plans, but
we appreciate how He helps us as we determine to work along with Him.

Many families do not have ideal starting situations, but when a parent determines to carry out God’s purpose, we see
God’s Word has a wonderful effect on the family to change for the better. Timothy, for example, did not have a
believing father. His mother was a Jew while his father was evidently an unbelieving Greek. God’s grace, however,
still brightly shone through the influence of his mother and grandmother. What is it in the following passage that
Paul expected Timothy to possess because it was in his mother and grandmother?

“For I am mindful of the sincere faith within you, which first dwelt in your grandmother Lois, and your mother Eunice,
and I am sure that it is in you as well.” (2 Timothy 1:5)

This ‘sincere faith’ was more than words. It was a living faith. When God’s Word is lived out, then God’s Word has
great effectiveness. The same is true with any of our families. Parents have a great impact on their children and when
they turn to the Living God, God begins to help their whole family.

My wife and I are humbled by our mistakes. We see the emotional scars on the lives of our children. We teach this
course so that you do not need to waste twenty years making mistakes on your children! We have had to repent,
restudy God’s Word and more consistently conform our lifestyle to that of the Lord.1 This is of course a process. We
are still going through it. However, humble hearts seeking help from the Lord can speed it up.

2) Problems Creating a Godly Family

Some Christian parents might be thinking that they have been trying so hard and not finding much help. We hope
through these sessions to share some important biblical principles that will help in those situations. There are many
difficult situations out there.

One person recently asked me a question about personal evangelism, “What do you say to the non-Christian who said
that Christianity was “his parents’ thing and not his?” The question points us to a major problem with Christian
families. Many Christian parents think they are doing a good job of parenting when they verbally instruct their
children to what they should and should not do. The problem is that truth is not primarily passed on through spoken
instruction but on how their parents live out their lives.

Many young people with Christian parents are not following the Lord because they find nothing attractive in the their
parents’ lives. This is the root of today’s secularism in parts of the world where only one or two generations ago
many of the people confessed Christ.

This means that Christ in His glorious fullness was missing from the home. Wherever we find Jesus in the New
Testament, the people flocked to Him so that they could know Him and listen to His teaching. We want to make the
home a place our children love to be: a place where God’s love, care and forgiveness is ever so evident, a place they
love to be.

Pause for Reflection: Does your child like to be home with you? Do they tend to bring their friends home to share
that love they find at home with others?

1
It is difficult to share of our failures. When we openly admit our failures with others including our children, not only do we
make ourselves accountable, but we are able to encourage others by God’s grace to conquer every little sin that marks our lives.
This is the way to model repentance for our children and show them how to deal with failure.

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3) ‘Caught and Taught’: The Problem and the Solution INSTRUCTIVE
We need to broaden our minds to understand how basic truths and values are passed
(TEACHING)
on to our children. Some say truths are ‘caught not taught.’2 This is getting at a
significant truth, which emphasizes the important impact the parents’ lifestyle makes Significant
on their children. We will expand on this below. God’s Word does need to be taught Conscious
to our children, but both are needed. Timothy not only had a good example but was Changeable
raised with the scriptures (see 2 Timothy 3:15). Learning from what
others say.

Children imitate what they see their parents are doing. If what the parents say is ILLUSTRATIVE
different than what they do, the children will almost unconsciously imitate what they
(MODELING)
do. When the children are older, they will not only notice this inconsistency but
dismiss and even despise what they are being taught. Influential
Unconscious
If the father obeys God, then everyone will know how important God is to his daily Hard to change
life. If he, however, looks very spiritual on Sunday but lives in contradiction to what
Learning from what
God says through the week, his family will conclude that God is a religious God - for others do.
church only. They will think that God doesn’t have much to do with their daily life.

Let’s describe why those things that a child sees become so important. Many of these thoughts will be developed in
following lessons. These three points describe how children unconsciously learn from their parents, that is, how they
adopt the values of their parents or ‘catch’ the truth.3

(1) Positional Learning (Responding to authority)

The parents largely shape a child’s understanding of God by the way they live out their God-given roles of
parenthood. This can largely be traced back to the fact that the parents are the child’s only authority for the first years
of his or her life. They learn how to respond to authorities from the way their parents respond to God.

•!The father is the authority in the home. The child’s first impression of authority including God Himself
comes from how his or her father expresses his authority and responds to the authorities in his life.
• The mother models the gentle and caring attitudes of God. The child learns how one in control can be both
strong and forthright as well as tactful, kind and a lover of relationship.

2
The phrase “caught not taught” is a phrase that means people learn more from what they see people doing rather than from
what those people say.
3
We should realize that parents convey poor values as well as good values based on truths. If they are inconsistent, then their
children will end up with poor foundations for life. We use ‘truth’ to describe the positive things they are learning which are
consistent with God as described in the scriptures. God the Father reveals His Word. Jesus Christ modeled it and the Holy Spirit
instructs us.

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 • The husband shows the way someone in authority also loves by the way he loves his wife.
• The wife demonstrates how to get along with authority. She faithfully supports her husband even if she
disagrees with him.4 She models how to respect authority.

Pause for Reflection: Many children think of God as distant and uncaring. Could this be because their father has
never opened up and shared his life with his children? Does God really like to talk to His children? (See Genesis 3:8)

(2) Relational Learning (Relating to others)

The child also learns how to react to life’s circumstances by watching the way his parents respond to the outside
world. It matters little what the parents say. The child knows what the parent believes by what his father and mother
do. If the life model contradicts the words, the children will ignore the words. Let’s look at several of the many
scenes that shape the lives and attitudes of our children.

• How does Daddy respond when someone treats him badly? Does he forgive or try to take revenge?
• How does Mommy react to situations that she doesn’t like and can’t control? Does she trust God or worry
and complain?
• Is Daddy content with what he has? Does he have to buy lots of things to be happy?
• Does Mom change what she might do or say because of what people might say or think? Does she fear the
Lord?

When a child sees God’s Word lived out, he or she gains that same faith or understanding about how life should be
lived out. This does not make them a Christian, and yet it prepares them with a love for the truth. They see the
sweetness of the Christian’s trust in God and desire that peace and way of life more than what the world offers.

(3) Responsive Learning (Cultivating morals)

Thirdly, the child learns by the way his parents deal with him. We think mostly of a mother’s care for a child in the
early days of the child’s life, but it must not exclude the father’s care for the child. These issues greatly shape the
way the child perceives what is important in life, what is right or wrong.

• What does Mommy do when the baby cries? Does she always pamper the baby or sometimes allow the baby
to cry when only seeking attention?
•!What does Daddy do when the baby interrupts Daddy and Mommy time with cute antics? Does Daddy
forget about Mommy and play with the child or prioritize his relationship with his wife and play with the
child later?
•! What does Mommy do when the baby exasperates her? Does she shun the baby or still patiently deal with
him?
• What does Daddy do when his son is in a stubborn fit? Does he give in and bribe the child to quietness or
calmly sit out the ‘storm’?

The child is unconsciously learning many things even from the time he or she is an infant. Successful parenting
comes about when we combine right living with right instruction. We are cultivating more than the mind; we are
shaping the soul or heart of the child.

Pause for Reflection: List one positive and one negative example that you as parents set for your children.

4
The wife needs to submit to her husband ‘in the Lord.’ This means wherever the Lord has not instructed otherwise in His Word,
she must follow and support her husband’s decisions.

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4) The Pattern of Good Parenting
Children of course do not consciously ask the above questions. They unconsciously observe and imitate their parents.
This is why the most basic training takes place before the children are able to read or write. Good parenting involves
three basic steps.
(1) Understanding the truths of God. (Knowing)
(2) Applying them to our lives as parents. (Modeling)
(3) Instructing our children in God’s Word.5 (Instruction)

Our children will imitate our own lives for good or bad! If we as parents do not set a good example of resolving
personal relationships, then our child will not know how to resolve personal conflicts. We simply have not given
them the tools, confidence (trust) and knowledge to solve these problems. We as parents have not given them the
faith that it can or should be done. God’s way of rescuing the family worked in Timothy’s life and can in ours too!

Pause for Reflection: Think about how you solve conflicts with your spouse and others. How well will your child be
able to solve similar personal conflicts?

C. God’s Goal for the Family

1) God’s Goals are my goals!
Far too often we fail in accomplishing any real long lasting good because we are problem-oriented rather than God-
oriented. Of course, we admire ourselves for trying to solve

GO
problems raising our children, but these attempts fall far short of
what God has planned.

The problems that we try to solve focus on our point of frustration.

We need to turn our minds and hearts all the way around until we
see what God wants. We need to look at His standards and the
goals He has for our children. It helps if we ask, “What kind of
young man or woman does God want of my child?”
God’s Word provides
It is interesting to see how the apostle Paul ‘parented’ Timothy.
We see that Paul often calls Timothy his son (1 Timothy 1:2). clear direction for the
Perhaps, Timothy’s own father had died at an early age. Whatever child to follow.
the case, Paul acted as a spiritual father to Timothy. Underline the
three things Paul tells Timothy are the goal of his instruction.

“But the goal of our instruction is love from a pure heart and a good conscience and a sincere faith.” 1 Timothy 1:5

In the section below we will focus on these aspects of what Paul thinks is important to input into the believers’ hearts.
We will discover that they serve nicely for what parents should want for their children.

2) The Goal of Parenting

We can train all sorts of skills into our children, but none of these skills compare to the good, obedient, loving,
submissive, respectful, self-controlled, gentle, astute and wise characteristics that God wants to put into them. We
must not desire the ability for them to make a lot of money but how to rightly use the resources God sees fit to give
to them.

5
Part of instruction is correction where the parent insists that children do what the parent says. Sometimes parents must use more
than words to enforce instructions. Children learn through our correction how important are the things which we believe and
teach. Children interpret the absence of correction as little or of no real importance.

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God wants to bless our children so that they will courageously, lovingly and faithfully serve God and others in the
world. God uses our families to expand His kingdom of love.

In order to help us along in thinking what kind of children God wants us to raise, let’s look at a few key passages and
thoughts from His Word. After all, our goal for our children must come from God’s goal for our children. We do not
know how He will specifically use each child, but we want them to lay the foundation so that whatever area God
leads them in, they will succeed and pass on His blessings to others. We take these three goals from 1 Timothy 1:5
(see above).
(1) Cultivating love from a pure heart (Mark 12:29-31)
(2) Developing a good conscience (Proverbs 1:7-8)
(3) Forming a sincere faith (Galatians 5:22-23)

(1) Cultivating love from a pure heart (Mark 12:29-31)

We have no greater purpose than to have our children be like Jesus. Jesus summarized His own heart when He
summarized all the commandments in a few lines.

Jesus answered, "The foremost is, 'HEAR, O ISRAEL! THE LORD OUR GOD IS ONE LORD; AND YOU SHALL
LOVE THE LORD YOUR GOD WITH ALL YOUR HEART, AND WITH ALL YOUR SOUL, AND WITH ALL
YOUR MIND, AND WITH ALL YOUR STRENGTH.' The second is this, 'YOU SHALL LOVE YOUR NEIGHBOR
AS YOURSELF.' There is no other commandment greater than these."

What word is repeated twice to guide us in our response to God and man in the above verses? That is right; it is love.
We are to love God and to love man. Jesus calls them one commandment because they cannot be separated. Secular
man insists on saying one can love man without God. Jesus says one only can love man if one loves God.

For our love to be acceptable, it must come from a pure heart. Because God is one, then our devotion cannot be
divided. All of our lives need to be spent on doing what pleases the Lord. All our heart, all our soul, all our mind and
all our strength is needed to rightly love God and man. The pattern is obvious. A true love is an undivided one
requiring all of our affection and purpose.

God made everything around us to be enjoyed and and for us to be well provided for. God only wants us to be
thankful and content with what He gives us. He wants us to use what we have to care for others. The Lord is after our
love. If we love Him, then we will obey Him. We need to point our children to the goal of loving God and man like
Jesus did.

(2) Developing a good conscience (Proverbs 1:7-8)

Certain attitudes and perspectives about God are foundational to real learning. The attitude (heart) is the frame where
the pieces of truth are placed. This is like the indentations in a Chinese Checker board so that the marbles can be
have order. If there is no order, there are no rules and no game. Proverbs 1:7-8 give us a clear picture of how a good
conscience is developed.

“The fear of the LORD is the beginning of knowledge; Fools despise wisdom and instruction. Hear, my son, your father's
instruction, And do not forsake your mother's teaching;”

The foundation of a good conscience is the fear of God. It is knowledge but more than knowledge. It is the way we
perceive God. Without this spiritual knowledge, our children will not be able to gain the wisdom and instruction
necessary for godly living.

The child will have a good conscience when he fears God because of two reasons:
1) God’s standards are inscribed on his conscience. He fears God rather than man. God is everywhere so no
matter what he does or where he is, he does what is right.
2) A person who fears God listens to his conscience. By this we mean that when he does wrong, he rights it.

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He first of all is uncomfortable with guilt but also he is concerned with the consequences that God will bring. So
those who fear God are wise because they avoid guilt by obedience.

The fear of the Lord is an attentive obedience to the LORD. A person who fears the Lord is aware of the importance
of His commands and desires and so conforms his life to them. A person who fears the Lord allows God’s thoughts
and purpose to influence what he thinks, does and says. The absence of the fear of the Lord means he does not let
those things shape his life. He fears no consequence for disobeying God.

The parents cultivate this fear of the Lord. We see this in the way the very next verse (Proverbs 1:8) tells us how the
fear of the Lord is cultivated in our children’s lives. God has made the parent the means by which the child gains his
or her perception of God and the world. Even Moses, God’s great prophet, was nursed by his God-fearing mother
during his early years.6

The way a parent responds to the Lord will greatly influence the child. If the parent fears the Lord, then the child will
imitate them in this matter. If not, then the child will not care. The child will esteem his or her own ideas as most
important. Instilling the fear of God into our children is the greatest protection our children will have in this devilish
secular world where our children will be taught that their own desires and ambitions are held to be most important.

Pause for Reflection: The question rightly deserves asking, "What are we passing on to our children?" How can we
pass this fear of God on to them? Have we as parents really learned to live in fear of God yet? List one situation
where your child has observed you fearing the Lord.

(3) Forming a sincere faith (Galatians 5:22-23)

Parents also want to cultivate a sincere faith. A sincere faith in God produces what Paul calls the fruit of the Spirit.
These things reflect the simple but genuine faith one has in God. Without faith, none of the fruit would be possible.
They depend on our trust in God.

But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control; against
such things there is no law. (Galatians 5:22,23).

Those who are brought up in God's ways are confident, because they understand how they should rightly relate to
God, others and the creation around them.

ÿ They are loving because by faith they believe others are important and made in God’s image.
ÿ They are joyful because they know God their Father wonderfully watches over them.
ÿ They are peaceful because they are confident of God’s presence in all sorts of difficult circumstances.
ÿ They are patient because they trust that God will, in His time, care for all their needs.
ÿ They are kind because they pass on God’s grace and mercy as shown to them in Christ.
ÿ They are good because they reflect God’s goodness in the nice way they treat others.
ÿ They are faithful because they honor God by imitating God’s faithfulness in their consistency.
ÿ They are gentle by rejecting acts of manipulation so that they can tenderly meet the needs of others.
ÿ They are able to exercise self-control because they have learned by faith to rule over their passions.

The more we learn God's ways, the more desirable they are. There are many things that need to be learned about
raising our children, but we cannot, dare not, forget God's purposes in what He can do through parents who are keen
on raising children His way.

6
This is affirmed over and over again in the scriptures. Note how in Ephesians 6:1-3 convincingly connect obedience to parents
with a child’s well being. “2 HONOR YOUR FATHER AND MOTHER (which is the first commandment with a promise), 3
THAT IT MAY BE WELL WITH YOU, AND THAT YOU MAY LIVE LONG ON THE EARTH.”

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Biblical parenting is simply taking the very best things and passing them on to our precious children. Our goals are
high but obtainable. Where they cannot obtain these high principles, we kindly show them their need for Christ.
There they find God’s love and the power of the Spirit.

3) Focusing in on the Heart

We will notice that God is not merely concerned with modifying the outward behavior of a child. He is concerned
with those things that shape who the child is and why the child does things. God expects parents to properly cultivate
the love, conscience and faith of their children. We must reject focusing on the development of certain skills or
providing physical need only. They are important but fall short of God’s goals for our children. This is the world’s
common approach to parenting which results in a multitude of sad stories.

If God gave you a way to rightly train the heart of the child, would you not take that opportunity?! Through these
sessions we will show you how, but we encourage you to make a commitment to do your very best to raise your
children with a heart for God. Below is a response form allowing you as parents to commit to properly train your
children. As the training continues, you will increasingly understand what practical steps you need to take to carry
out this commitment. This commitment will give you a firm foundation upon which to apply all that you learn.

I was recently talking to a little six year old named Kathryn. She had just come home from a friend’s birthday party
where she got a lot of take-home treats. She was being taught during home devotions about Christ’s royal law of love,
“Treat others as you would want to be treated.” When asked if anyone kept the law of love that day, she responded
that she had shared her treats with her brothers and sisters. And indeed, I had seen her siblings enjoying a special
treat while playing. Their home was especially happy that day because a little girl got a picture of what it was to be
like Jesus.

OUR RESPONSE:
From reflecting on the teaching above, write down the spiritual goals you want to have for your children. Make sure
you discuss them with your spouse. Remember to pray about why you want these goals.

Sign your name below if you are willing, by His grace and power, to train your children to
be like Jesus.

Father: ____________________________

Mother: ____________________________

Summary
All training, for good or bad, takes place at home whether we realize it or not. Parental training is instilling values,
attitudes, responses and a general outlook on life in the lives of our children. Home is the training ground for life.

The things that we put into our children are what we will get. We must constantly ask, “What are we putting into our
children? Do we like what we are getting?” Many of us have not done too well. In fact, we might be tempted to give
up because it seems too late. It is not.

Fortunately by God’s amazing grace, He can change us and therefore change our children. We will need to speed
ahead by improving our knowledge of His Word, more completely obeying Him and carefully instructing our
children. Many have rescued their families out of the world. After all, our children are looking to see if our beliefs

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make a good difference. If we model it for them, they find it hard to resist. God’s love is always glorious and
desirable. We only need to kindly explain the change in our own lives and be consistent.

Parenting Principles
ÿ God has a plan on how parents are to raise their children.
ÿ God largely uses parents to train these children for His purposes.
ÿ God directs parents in the training of their children by His Word and the Holy Spirit.
ÿ Young children learn mainly through what a parent does than what he says.
ÿ God wants to train the child’s heart through positive instructions in the Bible.
ÿ The ultimate goal for each of our children is that they be like Jesus Christ.

Questions

1. What place does the family have in God’s kingdom today? Why?
2. Why don’t many children of Christian parents don’t follow the Lord?
3. What does the phrase ‘caught not taught’ have to do with parenting?
4. Where do children gain their primary understanding of God?
5. What are the three steps to good parenting?
6. What then is God's goal for our children? Why?

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