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Organisational Sustainability
through
1-2 Dec. 2011 Magnolia,India Habitat Center, Lodi Estate New Delhi 110003
Midway upon the journey of my life I found myself in a dark wood, where the right way was lost. Dante, the Divine Comedy

Worklife Balance

Balanced life:
Employee wants it, Management needs it, Organization cant afford to ignore it, Kid crumbles without it,

Spouse craves for it, and

Society wishes it.

A TO Z OF
Balanced Life

Always take time for yourself, at least 30 minutes per day. Be aware of your own stress meter: Know when to step back and cool down. Concentrate on controlling your own situation, without controlling everybody else. Daily exercise will burn off the stress chemicals. Eat lots of fresh fruit, veggies, bread and water, give your body the best for it to perform at its best. Forgive others, don't hold grudges and be tolerant -- not everyone is as capable as you.. Gain perspective on things, how important is the issue? Hugs, kisses and laughter: Have fun and don't be afraid to share your feelings with others. Identify stressors and plan to deal with them better next time.. Judge your own performance realistically; don't set goals out of your own reach. Keep a positive attitude, your outlook will influence outcomes and the way others treat you. Limit alcohol, drugs and other stimulants, they affect your perception and behaviour... Manage money well, seek advice and save at least 10 per cent of what you earn. No is a word you need to learn to use without feeling guilty. Outdoor activities by yourself, or with friends and family, can be a great way to relax.... Play your favourite music rather than watching television. Quit smoking: It is stressing your body daily, not to mention killing you too. Relationships: Nurture and enjoy them, learn to listen more and talk less..... Sleep well, with a firm mattress and a supportive pillow; don't overheat yourself and allow plenty of ventilation. Treat yourself once a week with a massage, dinner out, the movies: Moderation is the key. Understand things from the other person's point of view...... Verify information from the source before exploding. Worry less, it really does not get things completed better or quicker. Xpress: Make a regular retreat to your favourite space, make holidays part of your yearly plan and budget....... Yearly goal setting: Plan what you want to achieve based on your priorities in your career, relationships, etc. Zest for life: Each day is a gift, smile and be thankful that you are a part of the bigger picture........

Water in the pot

Unable to bear his poverty, a priest went to the temple and begged the deity there for a solution. That night the deity left a golden pot in the courtyard of the priests house. The priest found the golden pot with some water in it. He threw the water out and went to the market where he sold the pot to a merchant. With the money he received, he repaid all his debts and returned home a rich man laden with gifts for his family. Soon after, his family fought over the vast wealth, everyone from his wife to his children to his parents and his siblings demanding their share. Unable to bear the mental agony, the priest went back to the temple and complained to the deity. You have added to my problem not solved it with the golden pot. And deity said, Golden pot? What golden pot? I gave you the elixir of contentment, enough for you and your family. It happened to be contained in a golden pot. Did you not drink it? Every job is a golden container full of water. The pot is the salary that pays our bills and the designation that pleases our desire to feel significant. But in each job is potentially the opportunity to grow intellectually and emotionally. Each job contains the seed of learning that can germinate in our mind, if we allow it to. Unfortunately, jobs are seen more in economic terms (the pot) than in learning terms (the water). When Mr Sharma retired, he expected that the company would throw a farewell party. This did not happen. He expected that the company would miss him terribly and call him back. This did not happen either. He felt unwanted and small. He did not matter, he realised. So when he went back to claim his final dues, he went with a heavy heart. As he waited outside the office, familiar faces passed him by. Some stopped and spoke to him, some smiled, some just ignored him. At that moment, Mr Sharma had a Eureka moment. He realised he did not need his job to validate himself. That is what he was doing and that was his problem. The office, like the forest, outlives the resident beasts. The beasts find nourishment in the forest but eventually they die. The forest continues to be neither loving nor hating towards its resident beasts. Animals do not resent the forest when it is time for them to go, but humans do. Why? Animals work for survival. Humans are the only animals who also work for meaning. Hence in Sanskrit, the same word, artha, is used to indicate economics, politics and meaning. Jobs can give us money and power (the pot) but they can also give us wisdom (the water). Do we drink the water? As Mr Sharma speculated, he drank the water. Suddenly wisdom dawned. He felt like Newton hit by an apple. He realized that he was expecting too much from the organisation. It neither loved him nor hated it. It gave him value and he gave value to it. And now it was time to part ways, without rage or resentment. With that, Jacob found his final artha and quenched his thirst. He took his dues and left with a smile.

What is the biggest problem you face in life?

The most commonly mentioned challenge that business managers worldwide face is balancing work and family/personal time. I can say this after having asked groups of senior level managers all over the world this question, What is the big- gest problem you face in life? I wonder what your biggest challenge in life is. Write your biggest challenge in life here:

Problems can occur, obviously at several levels including: Societal Organizational Immediate work group Individual. There is ample reason to suggest why this balancing act is a global phenomenon. Friedmans at world suggests that with the advent of the World Wide Web and advances in telecommunication, we can be in touch instantaneously anywhere in the world. Margins are harder to hide. Deals are easier to make. Partners, vendors, and suppliers are more accessible. The competition is working harder. The answer, it seems, is everyone is trying to do more with less and to keep up in the meantime. Recently, I saw a man standing next to me is on his cell phone discussing business matters. Can I cough? Do I ush? What are the business etiquette rules there? I have a friend who sleeps with his Blackberry. If he awakes during the night, hes answering and sending emails, so that associates get up in the morning with several to-do items in their inboxes. How does one balance work and family/personal life when work follows you wherever you go? Another friend was a CEO who had a conversation with his wife about retirement. Like me, maybe like you, hes been thinking about slowing down and spending more time with his spouse. It turns out that she has been turning her energies to her interests and developed her own professional activities as the children have left home. Slowing down for retirement for him is counter-cyclical to her ramping up at the point of the empty nest. In his words, hes resigned to more singular activities.

Many have observed that life seems backwards when you have enough resources to enjoy it, your body and perhaps your mind are in decline. This is not always the case, though. Theres a young 26-year old reportedly worth Rs 100 billion. Another young woman, a teenager from Scotland, has already sailed around the world single-handedly. Of course, Michael Phelps, the Olympic swimmer, will have set records that may not be broken for a long time at the ripe old age of 23. Whats next for him? There are at least two sets of issues here, the immediate and the time-based. Lets explore the immediate set of issues rst. 1. How are you doing as of today? 2. Are you where you want to be today? 3. How have you used your time on earth so far? Heres a way of making that assessment relatively quickly. Once youve determined where you are, we can move on to how things unfold over time. Then well explore the lifestyles of a variety of executives to see how they have dealt with the challenges of modern executive living.

The Balance Wheel

We could compare human life to a symphony. Like a symphony, life has a beginning and an end, and in between different movements, different paces for the different movements, and a multitude of contribu tors who are all playing different melodies and riffs at once. In a symphony, there are violins, cellos, cornets, tympani, and woodwinds, dozens and dozens of different instruments all playing or resting simultaneously. If each of the pieces is in tune, on time and played well, the overall effect is pleasing, even powerful and inspiring. While we dont have musical instruments in life, we do have various -al aspects of life: physical, intellectual, emotional, spiritual, social, parental, marital, political, professional, nancial, sexual, and so on. Whether we pay attention to these various -al aspects of life or not, they are unfolding day by day. If that simultaneous unfolding is connected and balanced, the overall effect is pleas- ing, even powerful. If its not, the result can be cacophonous and jarring, even enervating.
Three Rules of Life ... 1. Your time is limited, so don't waste it living someone else's life. 2. Don't be trapped by dogma - which is living with the results of other people's thinking. Don't let the noise of others' opinions drown out your own inner voice. 3. Have the courage to follow your heart and intuition - they somehow already know what you truly want to become. - Steve Jobs

Wheel of Life
Lifes activities are always shifting and so perfect balance cannot be achieved and maintained, but there are times when one area of your life may be requiring so much energy and time that other areas are suffering, and you feel your life is out of balance or even out of control. At these times, it helps to take a look at the big picture and to get some perspective. To create your own personal Wheel of Life, you will examine your satisfaction with the various areas of life described below. Physical Well-Being: Feeling good about the condition of ones body and ones efforts to maintain health through exercise, sleep, eating habits, and so on. Money/Finances: Being able to match ones income with ones personal needs. Relationships: Being open to a loving and responsible relationship. Home/Family: Contributing responsibly to ones home life and successfully getting along with family members. Fun and Recreation: Participating in individual and group activities that provide one with enjoyment and self-fulfillment. Self-Esteem: Feeling good about oneself; being alert and ready to respond to lifes challenges in ways that reflect thought and sound judgment. Energy/Enthusiasm: Feeling full of energy and ready to experience life to the fullest. Emotional Health: Recognizing ones feelings and expressing them appropriately. Friendship: Sharing common interests, experiences, and feelings with a trustworthy companion. Work/School: Developing and implementing plans for future education, training, and occupational goals. Contentment: Being content with who one is, what one values, where one fits, and where one is going. Achievements/Successes: Accomplishing noteworthy actions, performances, goals, and so on.

1. Using a scale from 0 to 10, where 1 represents very low satisfaction and 10 represents very high satisfaction, rate your satisfaction with each of the areas of your life. This does not mean the amount of time you spend on each area, but how satisfied you are with the quality of each area. Physical Well-Being Money/Finances Relationships Home/Family Fun and Recreation Self-Esteem Energy/Enthusiasm Emotional Health Friendship Work Contentment Achievements/Successes

1. Plot each rating on the appropriate spoke of the circle graph below. The centre of the circle represents 0 and the outside circle represents 10.

Physical WellBeing Money/Finances 10 8 Relationships 6 4 2 Home/Family 0 Work Contentment Achievements/Successes

Fun and Recreation

Friendshi p

Self-Esteem

Emotional Health Energy/ Enthusiasm

.

2. Connect the points youve plotted on each spoke, and shade in the area that reaches toward the centre of the wheel.

CALM IN CHAOS In the midst of the flurry - clarity. In the midst of the storm - calm. In the midst of divided interests - certainty. In the many roads - a certain choice. - Mary Anne Radmacher

3.To prepare for a group discussion, reflect upon and note answers to the following questions: What did you notice while shading the wheel? In what areas were the results a surprise? How have changes had an impact on you? How do you think these areas of life will change as you grow older?

What would it take to move one of the numbers up a level or two? Pick three areas from your Wheel of Life (see attached) that you would like to make changes in Two Three One Step One: What is the issue in this area? Step Two: What is missing in this area? Step Three: What would you like to change? Step Four: What is preventing this from happening? Step Five: What is your goal in this area? (Try turning your answer from step two into a positive statement)

Imagine life as a game in which you are juggling five balls in the air. You name them - work, family, health, friends, and spirit - and you're keeping all of these in the air. You will soon understand that work is a rubber ball. If you drop it, it will bounce back. But the other four balls - family, health, friends, and spirit are made of glass. If you drop one of these, they will be irrevocably scuffed, marked, nicked, damaged, or even shattered. They will never be the same. You must understand that and strive for balance in your life. Brian Dyson, CEO of Coca Cola

Where are you

Life is an opportunity, benefit from it. Life is beauty, admire it. Life is bliss, taste it. Life is a dream, realize it. Life is a challenge, meet it. Life is a duty, complete it. Life is a game, play it. Life is a promise, fulfill it. on Life is of life?vercome it. tree sorrow, o Life is a song, sing it. Life is a struggle, accept it. Life is a tragedy, confront it. Life is an adventure, dare it. Life is luck, make it. Life is too precious, do not destroy it. Life is life, fight for it. Mother Teresa

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My Life MISSION In this exercise I want to walk you through a "method" or "process" for making things more clear for the rest of the journey. The goal is to equip you to write or rewrite a "Life Mission Statement." It's a process by which you can clarify the new dream, cause, or task you've been thinking about. Generally, the areas to cover in a "Life Mission Statement" can include, but need not be limited to the following. Your values Things that inspire you Things that bring you joy Things you like to do or be

The mission of our family is...

to create a nurturing place of order, truth, love, happiness, and relaxation; and... to provide opportunities for each person to become responsibly independent and effectively interdependent,... in order to achieve worthwhile purposes. Our Family Mission To love each other... To help each other... To believe in each other... To wisely use our time, talents, and resources to bless others... To worship together... Forever.

When you look at your life, the greatest happinesss are family happinesss.

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Where are your Values?

Take No More Than Ten Minutes To Do It Set Your Watch 1. Examine 50 values 2. Choose 10 values that mean most to you Theres a reason for this, as youll have plenty of time later to review your choices. My Value Accomplishment Advancement Adventure Affection Altruism Balance Commitment Compassion Competence Competitiveness Control Cooperation Courage Creativity Curiosity Determination Enlightenment Equality Fairness Family Freedom Fun Harmony Health Humor Impact Individuality Innovation Influence Integrity Intelligence Involvement Joy One Definition Succeeding in reaching goals Progress, promotion, improvement Taking risks, new experiences Love, deep friendship Helping those who cannot help themselves Calm, moderate, perspective Dedication to cause, satisfaction in obligation Empathy, tolerance and understanding of others Do things well, consistent self-improvement Besting performance in yourself or others Influence or direct peoples behavior, course of events Pulling together for a common goal, support of others Testing limits, facing difficulties with resilience Imagination, new ways of doing and seeing Sense of wonder, awe about the world Strength and perseverance, whatever it takes Pursuit of awareness that feeds the soul Protection of equivalent status, rights opportunities Equal consideration, value of greatest good Mutual support and growth Independence, free fill Enjoyment, playfulness, sense of play Oneness, alignment Well-being of mind, body and spirit Cleverness, stress-relieving perspective Making a difference, changing the world, creating legacy Originality, self-expression Creating something new, better, different Persuasion, bringing others together around common cause Honor, honesty, strength of character Acquiring and applying knowledge Being present and participating fully Appreciating the extraordinary in everyday things 12

1. 2. 3. 4. 5. 6. 7. 8. 9. 10. 11. 12. 13. 14. 15. 16. 17. 18. 19. 20. 21. 22. 23. 24. 25. 26. 27. 28. 29. 30. 31. 32. 33.

13 34. 35. 36. 37. 38. 39. 40. 41. 42. 43. 44. 45. 46. 47. 48. 49. 50. Learning Loyalty Order Passion Peace Power Recognition Relationship Respect Responsibility Security Service Spirituality Stability Teaching Tradition Wisdom Continuing education and experiences Remaining faithful to a person or cause Respect for procedure and organization, calm Enthusiasm, powerful attraction Calm, centered, free from stress Ability to influence people and conditions Attention, positive notice Connection with others Fair treatment, valuing individuals for uniqueness and opinion Sense of duty , responsibility, conscientiousness Financial and/or emotional stability To be of assistance and support to be a person or cause Moral compass, belief in higher purpose, faith Predictability and steadiness Passing knowledge on to others Support for known customs and beliefs Application of knowledge and experience

Peripheral

Important

Core

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My Work-Life Balance -Vision

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The following are a few questions. Writing down your answers will help you determine what work-life balance means for you. 1. What would be different in my life if I had work-life balance? 2. What is the most important priority in my life that seems to get pushed aside because of work? 3. What do I enjoy doing that I rarely get to do? 4. If I had a free day, with no commitments, what activities would I do and with whom would I spend it? 5. If I had the ability to choose a perfect work day, how many hours per week would I work and when would I work them? 6. What life goals do I have that I have not achieved yet?

Are You Able to Strike a Balance? As work-life balance continues to be a hot topic across the globe, we take a look at what India Inc is doing to improve employees lives
As conversation starters go, Hows life? probably ranks among the top three. Undaunted by the fact that it typically elicits rather insipid responses, the Organisation of Economic Cooperation and Development (OECD) decided to go ahead and pose this question to citizens of various countries in an attempt to measure the happiness or the absence of it around the world. The study predictably titled Hows Life? assessed different aspects of life, ranging from income and jobs to health, education and the environment, and drew some interesting conclusions. The chapter on work-life balance was particularly insightful. The study finds that gender is a key determinant of inequalities in work-life balance, and Indian men have around 1-1.5 hours more for leisure per day compared to women. Unfortunately, thats all that the chapter has on India, however, its broader takeaways can be easily applied here. Another study that features the phrase work-life balance is the Nielsen Global Online Consumer Confidence Survey, released in May this year. It reveals that rising prices and maintaining a work-life balance were the top concerns for a majority of Indians, and its likely to remain so for a while. If two-thirds of Europeans rue dissatisfaction with work-life balance in the OECD study, the Nielsen survey confirms that Indians are as worried, if not more so. So people across the globe have at least one thing in common an equally skewed equilibrium between ones job and personal life? Not exactly. Sure, almost everyone has a yardstick for worklife balance but an absolute measure is almost impossible because different individuals define the phrase differently. For instance, senior executives usually define work-life balance as quality time with family, but for young employees the balance is all about fun at work and partying hard. In other words, organisations serious about addressing this issue cannot undertake a common approach.

Dealing with Ambiguity

So, given that there isnt a one-size-fits-all definition, how can employee-friendly companies define their scope of intervention? HCL Technologies, like a few other companies, is taking in this direction. It is serious about maintaining and sustaining diversity at the workplace and has introduced initiatives to cater to as many employee issues as possible. In our

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company theres diversity based on age, gender, culture and geographies. It then becomes important to take democracy into account, says Srimathi Shivashankar, associate vicepresident, diversity and sustainability, at HCL Tech. Consider the concept of a peer coach to advice on issues ranging from managing angry bosses to tackling family feuds, and employees can approach one anytime. The company has also outsourced its counselling process to trained counsellors, who are available 24X7 over the phone. Another interesting initiative is the WLB (work-life balance) Chat that is conducted every alternate Friday on the company intranet where anyone can come forward and deliberate on unofficial topics and exchange ideas. The most recent topic: What are some of the household activities that women should outsource?

Focus on Flexibility
Nishant Mishra, marketing manager with a leading IT multinational company, typifies the GenY employee, juggling varied time zones and a multicultural work environment. But work-life balance is never a problem for him. I am able to manage with a little help. My company allows flexi timings if I am working odd hours, he says, adding, Of course, once I am married, I will have to reconsider my time allocation. Mishras employer isnt the only one seeing sense in encouraging telecommuting and flexible hours. NetApp, the data storage firm, has provided laptops and broadband data cards to its employees and allows them to work from home whenever required. Accenture, Cisco, IBMthe list of companies leveraging on telecommuting to attract and retain talent grows longer each passing year. Many companies now offer part-time working opportunities to working mothers who have previously worked with them. In addition, India Inc is becoming increasingly generous when it comes to giving a day off for birthdays and other special occasions, or extending maternity/ paternity leaves. Directi Internet Solutions, an internet products MNC, is among the companies that has taken the lead in providing concierge services to employees. This service takes care of myriad daily chores like bill payments, travel bookings and banking services, thus freeing up more time for play and family. The likes of HCL and Wipro have even opened day-care centres at their campuses, but thats old news now.

Is it Helping?
Yes, but given the sheer pressure that employees everywhere in the country face today, the impact appears to be negligible. Experts contend that Indias booming economy is creating a capacity crunch of people with the right skills and knowledge. The aggressive growth stage coupled with increased competition has created a situation where employees put in extra hours, which inevitably upsets the worklife balance. The job market is extremely competitive today with an emphasis on climbing the career ladder faster and bagging fatter pay cheques. Personal life takes a back seat, says Margaret Rodriques, associate manager, corporate HR, at Directi. One way out of the conundrum is to learn to minimise the collateral damage. For a quick reality check ask yourself: Whom do you work and earn for? Dont work for your company: work for yourself and your family, says Vikram Shah, president and director, NetApp India. He believes employees in India have a tendency to overcommit. According to Diwakar Kalra, head of HR at Lupin Pharma, Indias education system does not lend itself to cultivating hobbies. Our extra-office activities are limited to movies and dining. The only place where investment of time seemingly creates value is the workplace. Once this perception changes, people will automatically focus on the balance, adds Kalra. In the meantime, perhaps, we could take a leaf out of Shahs notebook. Personally, I was and continue to be really busy with work. But Ive told my family that they should consider

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not the quantity but the quality of time spent with them, he says.

The Balancing Act

Keep a check on your capabilities and dont overcommit; learn to say No Take a break from technology and keep off your phones, laptops and tablets whenever possible Take time to unwind; schedule and take vacations with family or friends Prioritise work so you do not always feel like you are catching up and there is no time for long-term goals Participate in workplace activities like sports/cultural events/CSR events that provide an outlet for repressed energy Create an exhaustive to-do list (bucket list if you may) and keep ticking off small and big achievements

Defining Your Work/Life Balance

Even though most of us know about the need to have balance in our lives, the journey from knowing it to actually doing it isnt easy. Looking at our lives with the help of a model we can use and reuse can be a great way to keep stress at bay and help us achieve the work/life balance we need. The model Im referring to was drawn from a study about peak periods of happiness in peoples lives, as well as various studies of the effect of stress upon health. Researchers were looking for common elements that explained the phenomena of stress survival or optimal well being. They hoped that such identification could lead to prevention of strain caused by excess stress and a model for improving well being. Peak Periods of Happiness In this study, people were asked to describe a three-week or longer peak period of happiness in their livesa time when they felt that life was truly worth living. Ask yourself: When was the happiest period of time in my life? When did I feel that life was the most fun, the most meaningful, the most alive? Where was I? What was I doing? Who was I with? A researcher named Herbert Shepard asked people these questions. As he collected several hundred
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interviews, he began to notice that there were common elements in the lives of people as they remembered and described these wonderful periods of time. The Impact of Stress The other studies are about the impact of stress in a persons life. After studying people who had experienced a number of stressful events over the course of a 12-month period of time, researchers found that 80 percent of such highly stressed individuals developed a physical illness within the next 12 months. The conclusion was that illnesses such as diabetes, ulcers, cancer, and heart disease quite often follow a very stressful period of time in a persons life. The other side of this research is interesting as well. Researchers asked: Why did the other 20 percent of those highly stressed individuals not get sick? What is happening in their lives that is enabling them to remain stress-resistant, or psychologically hardy? Interviews with these stress-resistant people revealed that they had some important common ingredients in their lives. Such stress survivors survived 12 months of frequent and/or intense stress-inducing life events without becoming seriously ill during, or one year following, the onslaught of high stress. As luck would have it, not only were the researchers able to identify the elements related to both peak periods of happiness and stress survival, but the two sets of elements were also found to be fundamentally similar to one another. When I studied this research , the similarity of the results of the two investigations confirmed the my feeling that a simple model for life balance and satisfaction would enable many of us to better manage the day-to-day options and demands of a busy life. The PACT Model For convenience, Ill be referring to four elementsPerspective, Autonomy, Connectedness, and Toneas the PACT model of life balance and satisfaction. The remainder of this article will explain these four key concepts and suggest how to achieve a balance among these elements. P: Perspective The first element that can create both happiness and stress resistance in your life is perspective. Perspective can be defined as the big picture of life. People with good perspective know their purpose and direction in life and value their past experiences while still having a keen sense of the present moment. Perspective is that broad picture of where youve been and where youre going that sets the context for this moment and for today. An example of perspective for me has always been Viktor Frankl. Frankl was a World War II concentration camp survivor who wrote the book Mans Search for Meaning. When Frankl was first imprisoned, his captors burned the only copy of a prized manuscript he had written, right in front of him. As a result, his main purpose in life became to live through that horrible experience and rewrite his manuscript. It turned into an obsession. While in this camp, he observed that, in this most degrading of all human situations, some people managed to keep going and survive, but others seemed to lose their will to continueone day they would refuse to get out of bed in the morning and two weeks later they would be dead. Frankls observation was that the people who were able to keep going month after month and year after year were the ones who had a purpose in their lives they could hang on toa great love they wanted to return to, work they felt compelled to finish, a strong spiritual direction, or even a strong desire to get through each day and help others through the dreadful experience. For each of us, perspective can translate into goals we want to achieve, values we want our lives to reflect, or a sense of living each day as if it might be our last. Its helpful to think about perspective at home and perspective at work. Some of us have a very good idea of our work goalsour professional direction in lifebut our personal life needs some thinking about. For
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others its just the oppositewe do well at home, but our career goals are uncertain. For many people, the challenge is keeping a balance between work and home that is comfortable and at the same time allows them to obtain goals in both worlds. Any time theres a big change in our lives, our perspective is liable to drop. Certainly a person going through a divorce, a person who has just been fired, or someone who has to make a major change in his or her life for any reason may be going through a period of low perspective. Most people, however, ultimately find that this period of low perspective becomes an opportunity for growth in their lives, even if it doesnt feel comfortable or familiar. In last weeks blog, I started telling you about an effective model you can use to achieve balance so you can enjoy your life more and resist stress. The acronym for the PACT model stands for Perspective, Autonomy, Connectedness, and Tone. Adopting this model and putting it into practice on a daily basis is a fabulous way to keep your stress level in check and keep your work and life in balancethe ultimate goal being a happier and more peaceful day-to-day existence. Who wouldnt want that? We started last week with P: Perspective. Keeping good and bad experiences in perspective can contribute greatly to a feeling of well-being and help your stress level remain low. A: Autonomy The next element that contributes to peak periods of happiness and high stress resistance is autonomy. Autonomy is a feeling of having control over your own life. People with a high sense of autonomy usually have a clear sense of their own identity, feel the freedom to make choices in their lives, have career or job options and sufficient skills, and see their daily activities as moving them toward their long- and short-range goals. If we ask individuals a single questionAre you in control of your life?and they answer no, we know that those individuals are at a much higher risk for illness. The lack of power and control felt by those who are underprivileged, really struggling to make ends meet, in a situation where there is racial or sexual discrimination occurring, or simply stretched to their limits in terms of workload, is the very opposite of autonomy and control. People who feel powerless are under the most stress and are often the most angry. These people often have the most severe health problems of any group in our society. On the other hand, people who are good time managers, who feel that they are managing their daily lives well and have the skills to do it, are the ones who are likely to feel the most control and the most autonomy. In their stories of peak periods of happiness, these people often referred to two or three weeks or a month when they were in a special place and they could decide what it was that they were going to do each day. Others referred to a job they had or a project they were working on where they could choose the direction in which they were going and felt in control of the situation. Clearly, most people cant go through life on a vacation or in complete control of everything but certainly a young mother with two toddlers running around and no money for a babysitter has a different degree of autonomy than a young mother whose youngest child has just entered the first grade. The latter may have six open hours for deciding how to spend her time. Is she going to play tennis or sleep until 10:00 a.m., take a class to further a career goal, or start a part-time job? What is her choice for today? One of the most powerful ways to build control and choice in your life is through the development of key skillsskills like knowing how to manage others effectively, being a good parent, managing your time well, or helping people feel like they are doing their jobs well. Again, people often have different degrees of autonomy at home and at work. Some people do
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very well at the officethey set goals, hold committee meetings, participate in performance reviews, and they progress well. At home, however, they never have time to exercise, break appointments with themselves and other family members for scheduled quality time, or they might have half-finished projects around the house they have been putting off for years. C: Connectedness The third ingredient in stress resistance and high life satisfaction is connectedness. Connectedness relates to the quality of relationships in peoples lives. People who report high connectedness often feel they have positive relationships with friends, family, self, coworkers and supervisors. Connectedness also relates to a feeling of contentment and resonance with ones physical environment. You can have a highly connected experience watching a beautiful sunset or walking into a home that youve decorated because it feels good to you. In fact, there are good reasons for people, when they first move into a home or a new community, to spend time decorating that new environment so that they feel more connected to it. You can have a highly connected experience having a cup of coffee with a friend or sitting in bed at night cuddled up to a loved one. My definition of low connectedness is when you do not feel you are an integral part of your environment. For example, if you move to a new community and go away for the weekend, then return and find that nobody knows that you were gone and came back, it can be an indicator that you are not very connected to your neighborhood. In fact, after a move most people feel totally disconnected and many people report a great deal of illness during the year following a major relocation. In their stories of peak periods of happiness, people often referred back to a time when they were first married and didnt have much money and so did more things at home, such as played a lot of bridge because that was all they could afford to do. Often, however, their friendships were solid and meaningful. Men often referred back to fraternity days in college or to a high school group of friends when connections were strong and non-competitive. All types of relationships you have affect your connectedness, but the most important relationships are those with your spouse and your boss. In fact, the number one predictor of health at the worksite is your relationship with your boss. A bad relationship with a supervisor can make people sick. A good relationship can enhance a feeling of overall well-being and productivity. On the home front, are you spending quality time with your spouse? Do you make special efforts to plan memory-building times together? In general, have you spent the time that you need to nourish the most important relationships in your life? T: Tone The fourth element in the PACT model is tone. This important concept includes how you feel about yourself physically. This includes the way you look, your health and energy level, your sense of fitness, even the way you are dressed and the colors you are wearing. People with high tone generally have high energy levels, maintain a proper weight, have sound nutrition and feel really good about their physical appearance. In their stories of peak periods of happiness men very often thought back to high school or college when they were in the best shape they had ever been ineasily able to bench press 300 pounds or run several miles. Women often talked about the time when they were 10 pounds lighter and could fit into all the clothes in their closet. Generally both men and women talked about a time when they were active, looked good, had an abundance of energy, and paid attention to their physical health. Over the years Ive found that when everything else seems to be floundering and I feel my balance is slipping away, often the quickest and easiest ingredient to impact is tone. Tone is
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often easiest because it lends itself better to measurement and you can see concrete results more quickly. Balancing the Elements What has been helpful to me about this model is that the elements of perspective, autonomy, connectedness, and tone can be a dynamic balance for one another. As an example, what do we do in our society when someone becomes ill or injured and is hospitalized? By definition, their physical health (tone) is low now. So what do we do? Customarily we send this person a card. What might the card say? We care about you (connectedness). This wont last forever (perspective). Soon youll be up and about (tone) doing what you want to do (autonomy). We may even send flowers to help him or her connect better to a sterile hospital room. Why I like the PACT is it helps. Its like a good diet. It will work even better for you as you personalize it and make it yours. I have used this model for many years now to keep my own life in balance and monitor the times when balance isnt present. If I notice Im not looking forward to a given day or time, or I feel my energy is lagging, I try to step back and ask myself: Whats feeling out of balance? Am I so over-committed or over-stressed that Im doing what everyone else wants me to do today without any time for myself? Or am I upset about a relationship with someone close to me? Or does my house feel untidy with lots of undone tasks and thus doesnt provide a nourishing harbor from the stormy world? Or have I lost track of what all my efforts are for? Or am I confused about why Im working 12 hours today and worked 12 hours yesterday and dont have time to see the people I love? The PACT model has helped me, and it can help you, identify whats wrong when youre feeling out of balance and pay more attention to life when you are feeling great. When your life is in balance, stress naturally loses its grip and you are able to enjoy life on a higher level.

How Your Spouse Can Help Your Work-Life Balance

I dont need to tell you how challenging it is to balance work and life. In this economy, its hard to say no to working more hours. You want to spend more time with your family but need to make enough money to pay the bills. What works for many people may not work for you. Luckily you have an extremely powerful ally your partner. No, not the person who works with you or co-owns your business. Im talking about your spouse/significant other/family member. Who do you share your life with? Your partner can play a huge part in achieving work-life balance. Here are some ways to help each other make the most of your time: Define balance First you need to decide what a balanced life looks like. I cant tell you that. Its your call. Basically, if it feels good its balance. Some people have no problem working 50 hours per week. Its what they love to do. And that may be fine with your partner. Some people hate working 10 hours in a job or profession. They have more than balance problems. They need to find a career that feeds their soul before they can worry about dedicating time to their family. Involve your partner A friend sums it up beautifully. If she aint happy, you aint happy. You need to make your partner happy. That person may not be a legal part of your business or profession, but you need

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to consider him or her part of the team. Dont expect to make them work or invest money in your work. But they need to buy into what youre doing. And if they understand what youre doing, they will be willing to cut you some slack when you cant devote more time to them. My wife is supportive of my time working because she was part of the decision making when I became a freelancer. And I continue to keep her informed of how things are going. Her counsel is valuable, and she understands the decisions I need to make. I also use my flexible schedule to help around the house when needed. Decide what is truly needed That question cuts to the core of balancing business and family requirements. It may be possible to pay someone else to do some of the more time consuming tasks like bookkeeping. At home, maybe your partner will welcome the idea of hiring someone to clean or do yard work. If the money isnt there, then maybe you need to raise rates. Also be skeptical of what may be considered important. Will your business or company fail if you dont pick up the phone or answer e-mail at all hours? Many of those important tasks could be given less priority in favor of spending time with family. Put your heads together If youre still having trouble fitting it all in, ask your partner. There are a few reasons this can lead to a great solution: Your partner may be willing to let you sacrifice some family time to do what you need to do. Again, this is can be a direct result of open communication. Theres a reason why youre in this relationship. Your partner might have an idea or two that helps figure it out. I doubt youre with a clone of yourself. So your partners perspective and unique talents may lead to a solution that you cant see. Decide when to turn it off The dinner table in my house is a phone-free zone. No texts, e-mails, calls, updates, newspapers, video, TV or radio. Its just us. There are other moments when I turn off all my devices. Its a clear signal that Im clearly available and dedicated to the family. But there are other times when were together that I pull out the laptop to finish a column or write e-mails. It allows me to enjoy her company but get some work done. Usually shes multitasking at the same time. But I also know when its time to turn the computer off so she has my full attention. This is up to you and your family. Having time completely offline can really help you. Blending the two parts of your life can help free up offline time. Its your call. Just make it together. Work together literally Sometimes its advantageous for the two of you to work in the same business. Note that your mileage may vary. This could be the best or worst idea ever for your family. Schedule a family business meeting Heres something that will help keep things running smoothly at home. Schedule a business meeting with your family every week. We try to do it over Monday dinner since thats a constant
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time were together. And its a natural time to talk about the week ahead. We discuss whats on all our schedules which is important when you have a non-driving child in the house and make sure there are no conflicts.

Creating a Life That Works in the Flexible Job Age.

In todays society, with increasing job demands and smartphones and other types of technology that keep us perpetually plugged in, many of us are in search of ways to find that elusive balance between work and life. But the actual words work-life balance are problematic. Its rare for most people to have an equal balance. Striving to reach equilibrium is like trying to achieve perfection: Itll never happen and only leads to frustration and fatigue. Instead, a better way to think about it is work-life relationships, she said, so your life doesnt feel at odds. Similarly, theres no one-size-fits-all approach to achieving a healthy relationship between work and life. Figuring Out Your Flexstyle There are three major flexstyles and two subtypes within each category. What separates the subtypes is the level of control and happiness the person feels using that flexstyle. As they explain in the book, two people may be doing the same thing, such as finishing up a project at home, but one person may feel content while the other one feels spread thin and unsatisfied. In addition to control, also important are how you manage interruptions and whether your flexstyle aligns with your values and your identity, Kossek said. She described various identities: work-centric, family-centric, dual-centric (both family and work) and other-centric (which places the importance on other things such as volunteering, church or social life). Your identity is how you envision yourself in the world and define your lifes primary purpose. A successful flexstyle is a conscious choice that you make about what works best for you. These are the three flexstyles and their subtypes: Integrators mix work and life. Fusion lovers view mixing their profession and personal life as a positive. Theyre able to seamlessly switch roles. Reactors, however, feel that they have little control and tend to focus on what requires their attention the most at the moment Separators set strict boundaries around work and life by leaving work at work and their personal life at home. Even if they work from home at times, they set up a separate space for work. Firsters either focus on their family or their work life as their most important priority, which gives them satisfaction. Captives feel trapped in one role (e.g., a single mom whose company doesnt allow telecommuting). Volleyers switch from integrating and separating their work and personal lives, depending on what the situation calls for. Quality Timers use time to decide what flexstyle to use. In the book, the authors give the example of a mom whos an accountant. During tax season, work is her first priority, while her husband takes over family duties. During the other months, however, she cuts her hours and interrupts work for the kids. Job Warriors face time constraints when switching roles. For instance, they might do a lot of traveling for work and work at home.
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Flexstyles arent fixed. They can change. Again, a good indictor of an effective style is whether you feel in control, youre managing your relationships well and the style fits your values, she said. If thats not the case, consider reevaluating your current style. Another important time to reassess is when youve gone through a major life transition, such as marriage, the birth of a child, a divorce or job loss. Strategies to Help Your Style Each flexstyle has its tradeoffs. For instance, integrators can experience switching costs. As theyre trying to multi-task, it takes much longer to get things done. Separators can be kind of stunted and develop one side of themselves. Volleyers can easily become Job Warriors. But you can make certain tweaks to your flexstyle to make it work for you: Keep a time diary. It can help to collect some data on how youre truly spending your time in a typical week. In the book, Kossek and Lautsch also suggest keeping track of your moods, conflicts and context. This way, you can spot patterns and situations that trigger your stress. Schedule it. Many of us dont spend much time thinking about how to manage our lives. Instead, get deliberate and schedule the things that youre passionate about. Experiment. Its easy to get stuck in a specific routine. Try to do things a little differently and see how that works. You can even try a different flexstyle. Talk with others. Find people in similar situations and talk with them about how theyre able to overcome challenges. Or try brainstorming together. Be in the moment. Thanks (or no thanks) to todays technology, were able to be in many different places at the same time. But this doesnt do much for the quality of our relationships,. Instead, try your best to focus on the activity at hand. The key to a successful work-life relationship is to actively manage your flexstyle You have to think about what feeds your soul. What makes you feel the best about yourself. You want to give your time and energy to things that you love. When The Shoe Does Fit Osho Life is fulfilling, but you are not in contact with life. Old contact is lost, new has not been made. You are in a transmission, hence you are so dull, hence life looks so mediocre, sad, boring even futile. Says Jean-Paul Sartre: Man is a useless passion futile, impotent passion, unnecessarily making much fuss about life, and there is nothing in it...meaningless is life. The more you become enclosed in yourself, the more life becomes meaningless. Then you are miserable. Then misery has some other pay-offs.

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When you are happy you are ordinary, because to be happy is just to be natural. To be miserable is to become extraordinary. Nothing is special in being happy trees are happy; so are birds, animals and children. What is special its the usual thing in existence. Existence is made of the stuff called happiness. Just look! Cant you see these trees, so happy? Birds are singing. Happiness is a very ordinary thing. To be blissful is to be absolutely ordinary. The self, the ego, does not allow that. Thats why people talk so much about their miseries; they become special by doing so. People go on talking about their illness, their headache, their stomach, their this and that. All people are in some way or other hypochondriacs. And if somebody does not believe in your misery, you feel hurt. If somebody sympathises with you and believes in your misery even your exaggerated version of it you feel very happy. This is something stupid, but has to be understood. A miserable man can have a more concentrated ego than a happy man. A happy man really cannot have ego, because a person becomes happy only when there is no ego. The more egoless you are, the more happy; the more happy, the more egoless. You dissolve into happiness. You cannot exist together with happiness; you exist only when there is misery. In happiness there is dissolution. Have you ever seen any happy moment; watched it? In happiness, you are not. When you are in love, you are not. If love has ever made its abode in your heart, even for a few moments, you are not. When you see the beautiful sun rising, a silent lake, or a flower, suddenly, you are not. When there is beauty, when there is love, you are not. Hearing someone, if you feel there is truth, you simply disappear in that moment. You are not, truth is. Whenever there is something of the beyond, you are not; you have to make space for it. You are only when there is misery, when there is a lie, when there is something wrong. You are only when the shoe does not fit. When the shoe fits perfectly, you are not. Then you forget the feet, you forget the shoe. When there is no headache there is no head. If you want to feel your head, you will need a headache; that is the only way. To be is to be miserable. To be happy is not to be. When a person learns to read, difficulties arise; now the self is rising. In villages, people are happy. They are closer to trees and nature than in London or New York. Trees have disappeared; there are only asphalt roads, concrete buildings, all man-made. The farther away you go from nature, the farther you are from happiness. Family Time Tip-1: Quality vs Quantity of time: I remember long time back, when I was conducting for one of my clients, my daughter who was 14 years old then, accompanied me. While I was handling a session on work-life balance, one of the participants asked my daughter Hi Vibha, your father being a busy consultant, may be hardly spending time at home; how do you feel about it? And my daughter spontaneously answered, It is not the quantity of time that is important but the quality of time is more

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important and he spends Quality time with us! I was amazed by her answer; as a young girl, she had rightly acknowledged her fathers contribution to her life. I agree, in modern life style we get little time with the family and often we wish to stare at the idiot box most of that time instead of indulging in a conversation with our spouse or the children. Many of us feel that we cant really have long, meaningful conversations with our children, as we do not really have much in common to talk about with them, considering the generation gap; and this thinking is the result of trying to find meaning in whatever we do; which, at times, in not possible.! My grandson is 2 years old and, I agree, it is not possible to discuss with him about my business plans. He has his own agenda while I spend time with him, and I decide to go with his agenda as that is the only thing that is possible! Even if I spend just half an hour with him, while he beats me at least twice in between, I have realized that I enjoy every moment (including beatings) of it, as I have to go back to my childhood to match his frequency. And it brings immense joy. Please remember, life is a bundle of human interactions and to spend quality time with our spouse and our children, we need to make a conscious choice and some adjustments. Tip-2: Dont aim to win all the time:Many husbands avoid going home early as they think will have to negotiate conflicts with their wife and hence they tend to pretend they are busy at office. I am surprised to see how men and women can talk for hours when they are courting and that too without many conflicts and how things suddenly change once they are married. Youll find them in perennial conflicts. Why? Well, finding an answer to this question is closer to attaining nirvana to me! How two human beings, who have started to share their life, can have huge conflicts in any conceivable agenda? The only root cause I could think of is that each one of them wants control the other human being the aim is to win all the time. Even if they know secretly that their argument is futile. But they still want to win the argument and have an upper hand in the conversation. No wonder, divorces are increasing world over, including India, as both the spouses dont want to give up their so called rights. Life is not all about winning and controlling always. It is also about being controlled and loosing, sometimes. While you play hide & seek game with your child, you hide in a place where the child can find you out because eventually you want the child to win. You derive pleasure in losing and not winning. Similarly, there are many occasions between husband and wife where losing can be more pleasurable than winning. For example, the wife always wants to select her husbands clothes while she does not want her husband to choose her saris! Have you not experienced this when you affectionately buy her a sari, expecting she is going to hug and kiss you? But instead she ruins your excitement by scolding you to buy her such an expensive sari; because she thinks that the shop keeper charged you more than the real worth? Initially, I thought it is only me who has had this experience; but after checking with many friends, I concluded that all the husbands around, without exceptions, have resolved not to buy any clothes for their wives in their life time for having had similar experiences!

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Please allow your partner to decide few things without your interruptions. The sari is just a medium through which husband expresses his love and not an end in itself. Ignore the sari and see the love! Tip-3: The Family came FIRST: We often have confusion, Is the job for family or Family for the job? The social arrangement called family has a strong rationale and it came first and the job came later; for the livelihood of the family and not the other way around! For some unknown reasons all species wish to live together you see a flock of same feathers and herds of the same kind of animals. There is no system called marriage in an animal kingdom and it never posed any social problems also but the same logic cannot be extended to human beings who live in a society and are an advanced version of the same species. Psychology says, we exist in others listening what does this really mean? It means that I can be sane only in the presence of other human beings and my identity comes from others. For example, if I am alone on this planet, I as NC cannot be defined and I will also be another kind of animal altogether. So the necessity for a family comes from the paradigm that for remaining sane you need loved ones. But we get so involved in everything else that we forget to love them back!! Jobs came next; with the primary aim of supporting the family, but unfortunately they assume more significance than the family, which was the very reason for the job in the first place. The means has assumed more importance than the end. Unless we are conscious of this fact, there will be no redemption for us. For many, career assumes more importance than seeing a smile on the childs face. Tip-4: Make intelligent ChoicesI recently met a successful young professional and was exchanging pleasantries with him on the topic of work-life balance. Quite surprisingly, he mentioned that he had stopped reading the newspaper and watching TV since last 3 years; so that he can gain time to spend with his family. I was happy to hear that my son and I did the same thing long time back. For a modern mind, this may look stupid as the obvious question that comes to our mind will be, How do you know the developments in the country, without reading or watching the news, which is also needed to do your job better? So he also cited a dialogue he had with his boss, who had questioned his ability to perform without reading economic times. Let us deal with this rationale. My son Mayank used to say, Newspaper is a good companion while you are on the toilet seat when your body is busy, so your mind also can be engaged on something! If you carefully examine the contents of newspapers today, most of it covers politics and crimes, which is good for nothing and pollutes your mind. At least definitely not something you want to start your morning with! Tell me, for how many business decisions that we have taken, the inputs have come from the newspapers? Unless otherwise you are a Narayana Murthy of Infosys or a CFO of a large corporate or if being updated on various happenings is a chronic need for your business! If you record yourself during your TV viewing in a video camera and view it later, you will find your attention span and enjoyment!

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It is not the argument in favour of or against the newspaper or TV. The real point is that at the cost of spending time with your loved ones, all other activities are simply worthless. It is the matter of choice you have to make. Tip-5: Share & Build your Child According to me, one of the most awful schools of thought in India is keeping children at bay in the name of respect for elders. I grew up in Bihar, where I hardly remember having any conversations with my parents; except being controlled by them on all occasions. We, inadvertently, seem to feel that children cannot understand complex things and so we tend to avoid sharing our thoughts and concerns with them. As kids, we were kept in dark on many matters that the family was negotiating. The fact is that the child starts learning when it is the womb itself and, to me, the very meaning of the generation gap is accepting with humility that the next generation is far more intelligent and sharp in learning. Indian epics are kept in our homes for the parents to instill values through storytelling in to their children. I used to share all my key learning with my children when they were very young, even if they yawned or showed signs of indifference. Now, when they are grown ups and lead their own lives, they say, Dad, all that you shared when we were young, was not making any sense then, but that was ingrained in our sub-conscious and it became the North Star of our life. And I feel extremely happy to hear that. Tip-6: Dont fail to leave a memorable moment I remember my son re-calling now an incident from his childhood when he was merely 5 years old. He got hurt while playing and was admitted to the hospital. On the day he was discharged, he wanted a Ferrari car (of course the toy car only!) but I found all shops closed. I made one of the shop keepers open his shop and bought him that Ferrari. I really doubt if the happiness that toy gave him back then can ever be equaled even if I were to gift him real Ferrari now. It may look like a silly event, but to that little child, it made all the difference with my assurance to him that, I am there with him. The point I am making is Life is a bundle of such prima facie-trivial moments, which may not be equal to receiving a Nobel price but, when you look back in retrospect, you will remember such small joyous moments more than the Nobel prize. Seeing smile on the faces of your loved ones (including your spouse), needs only a small act of kindness and compassion but it is worth a million and the joy there from is unparalleled.
Balance activity with serenity, wealth with simplicity, persistence with innovation, community with solitude, familiarity with adventure, constancy with change, leading with following.

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