A New Classification System of Christians From where I see it, there are at least four kinds of Christians.

I call them the Consumer, the Technician, the Exclusive Theologian, and the Modern Prophet. Bipolar descriptors like rich/ poor, authentic/ fake, urban/ rural, hipster/ fundamentalist, etc., are too simple and reductive for such complex creatures as us humans. We each have unique histories and varied exposure to the big bad mass-media. Therefore, akin to and based on brilliant Walker Percys classification of humans response to the predicament of the self, in Lost in the Cosmos (1983), the following four individuals will operate from either an immanent or a transcendent perspective to find meaning and purpose in or out of our present world. Do not worry, it sounds full of big words, but it will hopefully remain understandable. The immanent stays within ones own sector or environment to establish and affirm self, family, and friends. The latter reflects on the larger or more specific scale of human existence and ideas from the outside looking in. All call themselves or are labeled by others as Christian. The Consumer, the Technician, the Exclusive Theologian, and the Modern Prophet; which one(s) are you? The Consumer: Simple Immanence Perhaps the most easily recognizable Christian, the Consumer identifies and names him or herself through associations with Christian merchandise, fashion styles, or behaviors. They often wear I love Jesus T-shirts that seem to serve as both a broadcast to others and a reminder to self. One writer ingeniously refers to this kind of thinking as Brand Jesus (Stevenson, 2007).

The Consumer is particular about what goods he or she buys, because the goods must scream Christian to others. This makes perfect sense in our world of incredibly savvy advertising; we buy and display what will define us in a certain way to others. When the middleaged American father finally gets his sexy BMW, he sheds the identity of normality and acquires sophistication, mystery, and success in the minds of those idling next to him at traffic lights. In the same way, when the Consumer Christian businessman keeps only the NIV Holy Bible on his desk, all passersby see he is not simply a money-grubbing businessman, but a Christian businessman who follows The Absolute Truth, the only manual of operation. Even though consumer is synonymous to sinful for some -- especially churchgoers -- the Consumer Christian simply acts as anybody would who loves something. Just as the middleaged American father thinks about nothing but owning a BMW, the Consumer Christian desires to buy identity-defining items so that when he or she walks through a crowd, everyone thinks That is a Christian. Whether the individual pointedly chooses this way of being over another or not, this type of Christian makes sense in a world where everyone is labeled and named as something. Hairstyle, choice of jewelry, and tightness of jeans all mean something, so why not wear a JESUS FREAK! shirt and be branded Christian by yourself and others? The Technician: Discerning Immanence If Consumer Christians wear the talk, Technician Christians figure out how to walk the talk. As soon as they learn the heart of the Christian is more important than the exterior,

they figure out how the exterior can be altered to confirm and affirm the righteous heart beneath. How can we spend less money and get more Brand Jesus? They simply take one step further in identity-management than Consumer Christians. The Technicians are the best and worst of churchgoers. They strive for perfection and are always passionate, until they reach the point of saturation. This is marked by a ceremony or naming process where others begin to refer to them as adviser or more commonly, elder. In their younger years, the Technicians are the driving force behind change in the church. When hymns are played more and more infrequently, one can usually trace it back to a Technician who convinced the pastor of the need for relevance and connection to the feel of the music and the lyrics. They are great parents because they read every parenting book and are open for help. They may even buy a Compassion Child -- one of those impoverished children in another country -- and beg all of their friends to buy one. The Young Technician falls asleep at night after they have reviewed their day and critiqued how they did or did not do things right. The older Technicians -- the wise sages who have less enthusiasm for change than do creatures of habit, and years of experience to prove every word -- are eager to help when asked and immovable when challenged. As you can imagine, they view the activism of Young Technicians as natural but immature. They fall asleep at night wondering why some people do not listen but also content with proof that his or her own heart is wise, good, and kind. In summary, the Consumer and the Technician Christians find meaning and purpose in associations with things around them. They may come up with original ideas that benefit many,

but the purpose is always personal and community identification with or progress towards being a better Christian. Disequilibrium -- or a day when they are low, depressed, and thrown off-kilter -- hits the Consumer and the Technician when those associations are broken or not strong, e.g. when the worship team at church does not sing the new Hillsong song or when a new situation arises and they do not know how to respond. In immanent minds, both scenarios could potentially strip them of the Christian label. The Exclusive Theologian: Communal Transcendence Everyone knows this type of Christian. They are intelligent men (usually) who commit their lives to writing extensively about interesting matters like the Virgin birth, single Hebrew words used in books like Zechariah, and a literal 6-day Creation story. Using fantastically tricky words, the Exclusive Theologian writes to an audience of other Exclusive Theologians, who also have additional letters prefixing their names. One could almost describe this group of Christians as immanent in their high-minded transcendence. Similar to the Technician Christian, the Exclusive Theologian loves to figure things out. However, these things are not directly related to ones well-being like parenting style or type of worship service, but rather to a specific idea or thesis that is in a book or up in the clouds. For instance, the Exclusive Theologian writes extensively on every detail of that final apocalyptic book of the Bible, like how the syntax of chapter 9 does indeed prophesy about army helicopters. Because of their tireless commitment to research and the life of the mind, the Exclusive Theologian has difficulty residing with those who do not increase and challenge their vocabulary,

e.g. a spouse and family. Or perhaps it is better stated in reverse: it is hard to reside with the Exclusive Theologian because his mind constantly strives to dwell in the same place as other confident, dedicated scholars. In sum, this kind of Christian finds meaning and purpose not in the hum-drum of regular life but in the upper realm of ideas, where small and abstract questions about Christianity are resolutely answered one by one, in exquisite detail, through the payment of individuals holistic mental energy. Though most Christians could care less about it, the Exclusive Theologian considers his work extremely important. The Modern Prophet: Helpful and Hurtful Transcendence Whereas immanent Christians struggle through the academic jargon of those in the Exclusive Theologian community, they perk up at the words of Modern Prophets. These men and women shock and convict with on-point descriptions of the state of the Church and humanity. They are the humble but aloof individuals who are late to meetings but powerful and acute when they speak. These odd men and women embody the examined life without a contrived, superior attitude. The Modern Prophet does not build a habit of examination like the Exclusive Theologian, with colleagues and specific ideas; rather, analysis is in this Christians blood (though it sometimes looks like a disease). They are both the most accurate namer of problems in Christian culture and the ones with the least amount of happiness and sleep. This slave of the road-lesstraveled often gains a small cult-ish following because of his or her real and authentic way of living. However, this group rarely lasts because their leader is painfully awkward and hard to

relate to. Nevertheless, most respect and listen when this tortured Christian speaks because he offers one more clue as to the height of the mountain of life. Many fascinating and introspective musicians and writers on the fringe of Christian culture embody this persona, but they are as known for their personal problems as for their sweeping and profound declarations. The Modern Prophet lives in disequilibrium, whereas other kinds of Christians rarely experience it. Though it sounds tragic, the Modern Prophet Christian has no choice but to drift painfully among friends and acquaintances as his unending search ridden with anxiety benefits them and the kingdom. Before finishing this classification system for Christians and completing analysis of the different natures of Christians, let us turn to a major identifier and keyword of Christian culture. Love. Whether or not the secular world actually thinks Christians embody the word or not, basically everyone notices and observes how the Christian community strives to associate itself with this word in a million different ways. Each group pays attention to, uses, expresses, or ponders it in some way. Phrases like, Love your neighbor as yourself, God is love, and Love Wins abound. Though all are relatively positive, this desire for association by Christian culture is interesting as the word is used in severe and normal situations. One man proclaims as he dies for his family, I love you, while another man blurts out out, I love you, as his Big Mac vanishes in 2 bites. Though there are as many meanings of love as denominations in the protestant church, most Christians are in love with the thought of love:

The Consumer Christians quickly admit love for everyone, frequently work in the soup kitchen downtown, say Howdy neighbor religiously, and definitely hang cute emblems around the house with LOVE in bold print among lesser words. The Technicians zero in on a certain way of loving that will transport personal love into systematic love. They put tons of effort into the preparation to love that will then enable them to love without thinking in the future. They launch non-profit organizations, commit to buying only fair-trade coffee, and mandate their children to flee from R-rated movies. This allows Technicians to love pockets of people structurally even when they no longer have a relationship with those affected. The Exclusive Theologian loves sacred things like the Bible, and books in general. Each of them have love-tanks which contain the total amount they can give before running out. If it is used on an ancient text during the day, they cannot muster even a smile for the clerk in the afternoon check-out line at the supermarket. This can take many forms, but above all the Exclusive Theologian realizes how little or much he can give. Lastly, the Modern Prophets often wonder about true love because he or she sees the selfishness behind so many loving actions. Consequently, Modern Prophets are most aware of and drawn to those individuals who are full of innocent and pure love that is not calculated, but natural. There you have it, a new classification system of Christians, hopefully enhanced by a discussion on love. Before moving on, take a moment to evaluate which kind of Christian(s) you are.

 I find myself most in the Modern Prophet and the Technician, although it feels really good to be an Exclusive Theologian sometimes. How did you like the classification? Was it satisfying? I wanted something that every single Christian could relate to in one way or another. Maybe it is better to label it this way than dialectically, like Baptist or Presbyterian, Calvinist or Arminian. Sometimes those labels simply are not descriptive enough of the actual ways Christians portray and think of themselves. One last question: did you notice none of the classifications included God in the discussion of identity?