Welcome to Step Four

Made a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves.

Read chapter 5 in BB - How it Works from the p.63 to the end of the chapter p.71. Notes: Need to discover flaws in our personality that could be causes of acting out; harboring these is fatal: 1. Resentment/anger dont let others control us; treat others as sick, be tolerant and patient, avoid retaliation or argument; trust God to teach us how to be tolerant. Resentment breeds futility. 2. Look for our own mistakes and faults, admit them & work on them 3. Fears self-reliance failed us, causing fear; now we must trust Gods will. If we humbly rely on Him and ask Him to remove our fears, He will grant us serenity. 4. Sex where were we wrong, what could we have done differently? We must make amends and then ask God to mold our ideals and help us achieve them. Helping others takes us out of ourselves and quiets the urge to act out.

Faith can do for us what we cannot do alone. 1. Download from AA step 4 http://www.step12.com/step-

4.htmlhttp://www.step12.com/step-4.htmlhttp://www.step12.com/step4.htmlhttp://www.step12.com/step-4.html ) or print the excell attachment that I will send.

2. Read in the Green Book (p.31-37). 3. Read in Hope and Recovery--Threshold to Self-Knowledge (pp. 27-31) Note: After everything you have read please send your understanding in each book so we may go over it.

Notes: Sex addiction includes underlying thoughts, feelings, and behaviors. Unresolved character defects keep us trapped, will lead to relapse. We must give up dishonesty, rationalizations, self-pity and denial. A distorted view of ourselves prevented seeing our faults and led to avoiding responsibility. We must challenge and replace faulty thinking. A moral inventory puts 3rd Step into action. Character defects prevent alignment with God.

A moral inventory is a systematic, thorough evaluation of our beliefs, feelings, attitudes, and actions. It is also a careful survey of how we have responded to people and circumstances. We must reevaluate long-held assumptions, beliefs, and feelings, especially harmful ones. This cannot be rushed, must take time for honesty and reflection. Need to uncover secret fantasies, beliefs and rationalizations that feed our behavior. We see how we may have harmed others lying, misleading, violating trust. Need honesty and self-disclosure to progress. Resentment is major, stubborn obstacle to spiritual growth. We feel victimized, blame others and then entitled to act out. We must look at our role, take responsibility for our part. We also examined other feelings loneliness, shame, guilt, anxiety, embarrassment. These negative emotions have often been a source of pain and

confusion that triggered our addictive sexual behavior. We acted out when feeling
bad. Now we write out these feelings to bring them into the light, address them, and progress past them. If they remain secret, they have power to lead us back to

addiction. We do also acknowledge our positive aspects too accomplishments, our

helpfulness, committing to program. Ultimately, we must give up our old negative attitudes and emotions and recreate our life in a more positive way to b e successful.

Basics Instincts: Social - This is how we interact with others. Without others working in cooperation we would all die alone. Security - If we do not plan for tomorrow, it will take us unawares and we will eventually die. Sex - Without sex we would not procreate. The race would die out.

Ambitions - Each of our 3 instincts has its own ambitions. We do them separately so that we can keep our train of thought. They are our goal for each of these areas of our life. Its important to define these goals in advance so that we can see how they are affected. Social - Self-Esteem: This is how we value ourselves.

Social - Personal Relations: This is our relationships with those about us - friends, family and co-workers (everyone except our significant others).

Security - Material: This is my pocketbook. This is my need for material provisions - food, water, shelter, clothing and my ability to provide. Security - Emotional: These are my emotional needs. The need for stability in my life.

Sex - Acceptable: This is my relationship with my significant other. Sex - Hidden: This is our natural urge toward those not our significant others. For sex addicts, this is our addiction.

My Part - Selfish: Selfishness is how I only am concerned about what I want. It is the flip side of inconsideration. My Part - Inconsideration: Inconsideration is how I am not thinking of the other people involved. It is the flip side of selfishness. My Part - Self Seeking: This is how I look to improve my position in the world. It usually takes the form of me wanting to change the opinion of other about me. My Part - Dishonest: There are 3 kinds of lies - commission, omission and acquiescence. Includes rationalization, justification, delusion and illusion. My Part - Fearful: Ultimately fear is a failure to trust our God/Higher Power to take care of his responsibilities.