Goodbye!

Why it’s so difficult to let go.

Olufemi Fasanya
Unless otherwise indicated, all Scriptures are from the HOLY BIBLE easy-to- read version.

1st Printing.

Goodbye! Why it’s so difficult to let go.

Copyright © Fasanya, Olufemi Abiodun -----

(i) Phone No: +234(0) 803 725 7479
(ii) E-mail: singlesaffair1@yahoo.com

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ISBN: 978-067-626-0

All right reserved. No portion of this book may be reproduced in whole or part in any form without the
written consent of the publisher or author.

Printed in the Federal Republic of Nigeria

Dedication

This booklet is dedicated to Segun Akande, who taught me that the only limits I have are the ones I impose
on myself.
Acknowledgment

My special thanks goes to everyone who has being supportive of what the Lord committed to my hand
which includes, the patrons and members of Singles Affair Ministry. God bless you for your support. It goes
to the Senior Pastor of Winning Life Ministries; Pastor Sam Ajana and all her members. I say a big thank
you to Reverend Kayode who has taken the time to read and foreword this book.

My appreciation also goes to Mrs Oke and Funmi Fasanmi, for the time they spent in editing my
manuscript, and to Seyi Adegboyega who helps out in the printing of our ministry jobs.

My continual thanks go to my wife, and brothers, for their love and support.

And to my son (Alex), you are indeed a gift from the Lord.
Foreword

The theme of this booklet is real and very practical. My joy is that through people like femi, the Church is
now addressing this problem.

Many relationship is actually a time bomb and sometimes the people involved know but lack the
courage to pack it up. This booklet is like the other one (Wrong relationship; Telltale signs
that shows if you are in one) is a timely ‘wake up’ for such young people to avoid a life time of
regret.

Reverend E.O.Kayode
Provost,
Grace Springs Bible College,
Of The Fountain Of Life Church,
Lagos.
Introduction

The most difficult thing to say as regards any relationship that you have invested so much into is the word
goodbye. However, most times it is the best way of getting your life back. Staying in a wrong relationship is
a life waster, and this is the reason for the emergence of this book. You need to do a rethink before you
commit yourself to marriage and end up hurting not only yourself but also the children that will come out of
the relationship.

Ask most people who are divorced today what went wrong with their marriage that turned it sour and they
are likely to tell you that they are divorcees today because they made a bad decision and married the
wrong partner. I implore you, don’t add to that number.

Shalom
I will like to share with you a true-life story that will clearly shed more light on the above topic. In order to
protect the characters involved, I will change their names. The guy’s name will be John, while the lady’s will
be Janet.

Janet is a lovely lady who is hard working and resourceful by nature. She is the type that could be referred
to as the perfect lady for any ‘good’ man, well loved by people around her for the love and care she
showers on them.

However, Janet is a poor decision maker when it comes to choosing the right partner. She was at a time
dating a guy, Peter, whom she thought a perfect gentle man, though every other person thought differently.
He was tall, good looking, and industrious. They had such passionate feelings for one another, and not too
long afterwards they began making love with one another. She believed that he was serious about the
relationship, until she got pregnant and discovered that all she’d been was a good lay and was literarily left
holding the baby.

After a while she met John who also had had a child out of wedlock. They were just friends until one thing
led to another and she became sexually intimate with him. She moved into his apartment with the excuse
that they loved one another and would soon be married. As time went on during the trial marriage, Janet
discovered that John was not the perfect gentleman she had first thought him. She found out that she was
not the only woman in his life and that his character was nothing to write home about.

I met with this lady sometimes later and she sought my opinion as regards the relationship and I told her
quite candidly that she should consider breaking up the relationship, the reason being that John had never
really been a committed and responsible fellow. Janet however could not just bring herself to make that
decision. She believed that her love for him would see her through until he changed for the better. Eight
months into the trial marriage, John lied to her that he was leaving town to take up a job somewhere else
and she was told to take her things and move them to her mum’s place pending the time that he would be
away. She soon found out that she had been deceived and she had to eventually move on with her life.
One of the painful memories that she will always have to live with is the fact that she has gone through six
abortions and all because she wanted to please John who hadn’t wanted a child in the relationship.

I guess you are familiar with this story. If you look around you, you will find men and women like Janet who
are hanging on to relationships that are heading no where. You will have come in contact with people who
are in relationships that looked liked it just wasn’t right.

What is goodbye!
Here, the word goodbye is not the same as the farewell greetings to a person whose return you are
expecting. I use the word goodbye here to mean letting go with finality, a relationship that is heading
nowhere.

Why it is difficult to say good-bye.

The question then is, why is it difficult for singles to say goodbye, when they come to a realization that the
relationship they are in is something they ought not to have gone into in the first place? I have found the
following to be some of the reasons…
 The feeling called ‘love’- Women are created emotional beings. When a woman gets into a
relationship, she devotes her time, money and all that she’s worth into it all to make it work. She’s
so much committed that unknowingly she turns a blind eye to the man’s faults even the most
obvious ones. Men, though logical in nature, can also get to a point where he can be ruled by his
emotion. Montaigne said, ‘I see no marriage which sooner fail than those contracted on
account of beauty and amorous desire.’

 Sexual intimacy- Sexual intercourse is not just the merging of bodies, it involves the total being of
the individuals involved. One of the destructive effects of pre-marital sex is that it builds a false
sense of commitment in the heart of the people who indulge in it. Ben Young said, ‘Nothing
interferes with logic and common sense more than the sex drive.’

Men usually consider sexual intercourse as fun and will most likely remain in a relationship
provided they are being sexually satisfied as regularly as possible. Women, on the other hand, take
sexual intimacy as a sign of commitment to the relationship on the guy’s part.

 The fear of starting over again with someone else- There is another widely accepted but
dangerous saying that the devil you know is better than the angel you don’t know and another
one is a bird at hand is worth two in the bush. Many people who are in the wrong relationships
have believed the sayings above and as a result hung on to an otherwise dead relationship. They
believe that things will eventually work themselves out and so they might as well go along for the
ride.

 Age factor- Older women tend to hang on more tenaciously to relationship, no matter what, than
the younger ones probably because they believe time is running out on them. The Older bachelors
too also have the tendency to be possessive because of the desire to settle down in marriage. One
of such actions of a possessive single man/lady is to do whatever it takes to keep a relationship
going, even if it involves inflicting harm (physical or otherwise) on a so called rival.

 Sense of security- When it comes to getting involved with the opposite sex, women are more
attracted to men who make them feel safe and meet some, if not all of their financial needs. To
most women, a man with a well paying job is worth being in a relationship with, hence they tend to
undermine every other facet of the man’s life. They prefer to hang on to the relationship even
when the fire of romance has long since burnt out between them. They end up living in denial even
though they can see some telltale signs that the guy in question is all wrong for them just because
they believe their livelihood is now dependent on the man.

 The desire to please someone- I once heard the pathetic story of a woman that got married to a
man to please her mum and she ended up regretting her decision because she did not feel fulfilled
in it.

Consciously or unconsciously, we want to please someone with our actions, choices etc. Some
people because they want to please their pastor, boss, parents, etc, hang on to a relationship that
gives them no peace from God. As a result of this, the young man/woman is led to believe
erroneously, that his/her pastor’s, parents’ etc voice is the voice of God. However, Alcuin advises
that, ‘And those people should not be listened to who keep saying the voice of the people is
the voice of God, since the riotousness of the crowd is always very close to madness.’
  The length of time for which the relationship has been in existence- The longer a relationship
has been on, the more difficult it is for the parties involved to let go even the one whose eyes have
become wide opened to the cracks in the relationship. The reason being that more often than not,
a lot of time, money, emotion and commitment has been poured into the relationship all in attempt
to make it work..

Facts that make goodbye necessary-

From the story that I mentioned above, it is obvious that when you are involved in a relationship that is
heading nowhere, the best thing do is to say goodbye to it. It may be a pretty difficult thing to do resulting in
a painful experience, it is however far better than the pains of regret after marriage and that of divorce.

Here are some of the facts that show the need to say goodbye to that relationship…

 People do not change for the better after marriage- Never forget this, marriage does not
change people, it only amplifies who they are. If he/she beats you now, it will not end after
marriage. Philip Domar said, ‘To take a wife merely as an agreeable and rational companion
will commonly be found to be a great mistake.’ The same goes for the women, because it is
also a great mistake to get married to a man merely as an agreeable and rational
companion.

Only Jesus can change people, but never get married with the belief that your partner will come to
the Lord because he/she may not and God is not one to force anybody to accept Him as Lord and
Savior.

 The length of time you have spent in that courtship will be minute compared to the number
of years you will spend in a bad marriage- Let us assume that you invest your hard earned
money on a bad business, and you really made a loss that almost got you bankrupt, will you keep
putting your money in that business? I guess that your answer is a big NO and the reason is
because we all love to make profit and not loss. Though you might have made a wrong decision
resulting in a loss as regards your relationship and you have been terribly hurt, you will eventually
overcome and move on with your life.

It will hurt when you count your losses, but it will hurt more when you count the cost after you have
taken the relationship up to marriage level and it later fails. So let go now, and invest in another
worthy one.

 That you love him/her does not mean he/she is a suitable companion- The feeling called love
is necessary if you are going to ever be happy in any relationship. You should however take time to
nurture those feelings if the relationship is to proceed into marriage. If this feeling is not there, take
care not to enter into such a relationship because having feelings for each other is vital.

However, love is not the foundation for a successful marriage. God and His purpose for your life
are. Michele Hammond said, ‘The hole in your heart is not a people sized hole, it is a God and
a purpose sized hole.’ Without God and His purpose coming to pass in your life, marriage will not
give fulfillment.
 You can develop feelings for someone else- It is a lie that you cannot fall in love with someone
else. My question is if your partner dies today, God forbid, there are more than 95% chances that
you will get married to someone else.

The feeling called love can really wane in a bad marriage. Ask people who are divorced why they
got married in the first place and what later went wrong in the relationship for divorce to be the only
solution. The decision to show affection to another individual is your choice, and you can choose to
give the affection to someone else.

 You are the one who will be responsible for the choice you make- You are the one who will
live with the person that you get married to, not the people you are trying to please. After marriage,
the best they can do for you is to keep praying with you in the belief that your spouse will change
for the better but they will not come and live with you, nor trade places with you. The late Pastor
Bimbo Odukoya once said and I quote, ‘Your choice of a marriage partner is entirely your
decision and, moreover, you are free to choose anyone you like. That, however, is as far as
your freedom goes, for once you have chosen, you are bound by the responsibilities that go
with your choice.’

The only Being you should strive to please is God, because He is the only One that will stand by
you through the good and bad times your relationship will go through.

 You are not too old to start over again- I can hear someone who is reading this part say, if only
you know my age. It is natural for you to come to this conclusion. However, there is no age barrier
to finding true and godly love. If you keep emphasizing on your age, you will miss the opportunity of
exploring the chances of finding a partner more suitable. Life is all about taking risks and you have
to be ready to take risks as regards your relationship if you will are to know lasting peace. Again I
quote the late Pastor Bimbo Odukoya who said, ‘Better to be single at forty-five, than to be
married to the devil at twenty-five.’
Comment

I believe that the things that you have learnt from this book have blessed you; but my desire is not just to
write a book but also to have people's comment about it.

If you have anything to contribute, criticize, or comment on the things that are written in this book, please
feel free to express them to me through my email, singlesaffair1@yahoo.com, or call or send me a text
message on my mobile no +234(0) 8037257479.

You can also reach me through this medium for counseling.

Stay blessed.

Fasanya, Olufemi
Back cover

Herbert Agar said, ‘The truth which makes men free is far the most part the truth which men prefer
not to hear.’ In this booklet Olufemi Fasanya wrote on the need to take the bull by the horn and end a bad
relationship.
This book contains…
 Story that you can relate with.
 Why it is difficult to say good-bye.
 Realistic reasons to say goodbye to that wrong relationship.
 Quotes and excerpts from the sayings and books of the likes of Pastor Bimbo Odukoya, Michele
Hammond, Ben Young, etc.
 And lots more.

Goodbye! The best word you can say to a relationship that will lead to a bad marriage.