"H

ello -- is that you, Uncle Gabe? Weve, uh, got a little problem.

Bill Kennedy

Thats how Brandon Brander broached the bad news about his mothers car on Christmas Eve. He was relieved that his easy-going great-uncle had answered the phone instead of his mother. Brandon was calling from the kitchen of the Dauerditters, whose daughter Danielle he had taken to the Candlelight Service at the Yellow Springs Methodist Church. There had been an air of expectancy in the church that night. As the overhead lights were dimmed, the sanctuary sparkled in the glow of hand-held tapers. Brandon felt a closeness with Danielle -- an intimacy that had not existed before. Afterwards, he drove her home through the winding wooded byways of rural Conestoga County and then up her steep, twisting, snow-covered gravel driveway. Brandon nodded while Danielle talked about what she hoped might be waiting for her under the tree, but his mind wandered as he planned, dreamed, and maybe even plotted the adieu he was about to try. Perhaps tonight -- eight long, agonizing weeks after he had first worked up the courage to approach Danielle at the Homecoming Dance -- perhaps tonight would be their first kiss. He even had a sprig of mistletoe in his parka pocket, just in case the mood needed environmental enhancement. He opened the door of the car he had borrowed from his mother, and they walked slowly toward the house under the the subtle green and red blinking of the Dauerditters outdoor lights. They paused on the front porch, savoring the romance of the moment. Then as Brandon moved in closer, he heard Danielle gasp. Look! she pointed. Startled, Brandon turned around just in time to watch as his mothers car roll backward down the Dauerditter's

1997 W. D. Kennedy 41 Birch Road Malvern PA 19355 610-695-9419 kennedyw@whiteandwilliams.com

driveway. He ran after it, but the sidewalk was slick, and Brandon ended up on his backside. He watched in astonishment as the Buick Skylark eased off the side of the sloped driveway, thread the needle between two birch trees, and then tumbled top-over-bottom. Brandon scrambled to his feet in time to see the car collide against the base of a towering tulip poplar, crunching the roof.
Which is why Brandon was so relieved when his greatuncle answered the phone at home that night. This was his second accident since getting his license last summer, and even though Gabriel Gowdy was just visiting for the holidays, Brandon knew that enlisting the support of his mothers uncle was his first, best, and perhaps only chance at escaping being grounded through his high school graduation next spring. On the phone, Uncle Gabe asked if everyone was alright, and Brandon said they were. With a how-in-the-world-didyou-do-that kind of chuckle, Gabe said hed come around in a few minutes. He remarked, She must be quite a special young lady for you to get so distracted and forget to put the car in park. When he saw how far down the hillside the sedan was, Uncle Gabe just shook his head. Seems to me there isnt much can be done about this tonight. We wont be getting anybody out with a chain tow on Christmas Eve. Considering their options, Gabe added, I think we can save this particular news from your Momma until a more suitable time, maybe til after weve all had a nice Christmas together. Shes having a rough enough time as it is. Brandon couldnt have agreed more. His mother Bonnie was born and bred a Southern Belle who never dreamed shed live more than a rebel yell from the family homestead, let alone fall for a Yankee. To marry a globetrotting naval officer was unthinkable before she met Brady Brander, but now, and for the past twenty-odd years, shes been following him into ports and bases all over the world. The constant relocating stopped four years ago when Brady was transferred to a Naval research lab in Yellow Springs. Bonnie began the same enterprise there as she had in many of their previous homes -2-

ever since their three kids were preschoolers: she began a Lil Dumplins day care center. The past year had been particularly rough for Bonnie Brander. Back in January, she learned that her mother was sick. As her mother faded, Bonnie increased the frequency of her phone calls from weekly to almost daily. Reversing roles, the daughter encouraged the mother to be strong and faithful. Grammy Gowdy was a good patient, and she assured Bonnie that she would fight for her life -- but she also said she wasnt afraid of the alternative. Bonnie had planned to make the long trip back South in February, but then problems arose at Lil Dumplins and she couldnt get away. Worse, in March, Brady was shipped out on a special assignment. By the time Bonnie managed to get to her mothers bedside in April, Grammy had already slipped into a coma. She was gone a few days later. Folks who didnt know better would tell you that Bonnie is an enthusiastic, energetic preschool teacher. Few folks detected the grief, confusion, and day-to-day worry that gripped her. During the day, she juggles all the balls in her life, but at night, when she puts her head down to rest, the concerns claw and scratch at her peace of mind, sentencing her to a restless sleep. Just as when she was a child, the monsters always seem bigger when shes alone in the dark. One frequent source of her insomnia is her children. Brandon, Brenda, and Bronwyn are good kids -- she knows that -- but they are all in their teens, an age where theyre pressing limits, and where adult dangers accompany poor adolescent decisions. What with school, sports, clubs, romances, and an ever-changing circle of friends, Bonnie found that raising her kids as a single parent left her with emotional stretch marks. On the work front, Lil Dumplins was going through some growing pains of its own. Bonnie ran the business in an old fire hall whose roof leaked with the spring rains, and whose furnace died when temperatures dipped colder in the fall. Her staff turned over more than flapjacks at IHOP, and financially, the business was as seaworthy as a leaky dinghy. To make matters worse, about a third of her clientele worked

1997 William D. Kennedy 41 Birch Road Malvern PA 19355 (610) 695-9419 kennedyw@whiteandwilliams.com

for Conestoga Consolidated which had just announced big layoffs in its Yellow Springs operations. If that werent enough to worry about, theres always Brady. It surprises Bonnie that after two decades of being a naval wife, she still wakes up with a jolt in the middle of the night, keenly aware of what time it is where Brady is stationed on the other side of the world. Why did she awaken? Is he thinking about her? Or is he in danger? Do politicians and world-bodies have any clue of the peril their rhetoric puts people like her husband in? Do they care? And then, of course, there was the whole issue of health. Science thought that genetics played only a minor role in determining whether or when Bonnie would wind up with what her mother had, but then, what does science know, anyhow? This year, researchers say its not in the genes; next year, they might find that it is. The only thing they know for sure is that early detection helps, but her HMO says that the type of screening youd need is experimental, so they wont pay for it, and where does that leave you? And though she never mentions it, Bonnie still misses her mother terribly. She grieves for the telephone chats where Grammy would ask about the kids, or when shed tell Bonnie about the beautiful gardens and bushes she had planted in the yard. Grammy had always been there for Bonnie whenever Brady was sent into hostile waters, and now she aches for the quiet confidence her mother imparted. She felt the loss even more at the holidays. Most years, if the Branders werent able to go to Grammy, then Grammy came to them, even if they were overseas. And last year, when she was in the early stages of her illness, Grammy still managed to make it to Yellow Springs, thanks to Uncle Gabe, who drove fearlessly through a rare and sudden Southern snow storm. Perhaps to keep her mind off of these things, Bonnie kept busy this holiday season. She added activities, commitments, and responsibilities as if they were armor. On Christmas Eve, Bonnie worked a full day at Lil Dumplins, then delivered casseroles to the Salvation Army shelter before finally coming home to the dinner that Gabe and the kids had prepared. -3-

Afterwards, they asked about going to the late-evening service at church. Bonnie shook her head wearily. Im too tired, kids. I think Ill pass on church tonight. I just want to soak my feet in a tub then go to bed. Besides, I think that after four weeks of Frosty the Snowman and Jingle Bells at Lil Dumplins, Im just about worn out. Uncle Gabe laughed. But all that -- the celebration of winter, and the joy of Santa -- thats just one part of Christmas. What about the rest of it? Oh, Im not forgetting Jesus, Uncle Gabe. You neednt worry your white-haired head about that. The birth of Jesus is all weve talked about in my second grade Sunday School class. And each of the past four Sundays, our choir has sung Advent anthems. It just seems to me that since Thanksgiving, every day of my life has been either teaching, singing, artsand-craftsing, reading, or otherwise celebrating Christmas. After everything this past month, I dont think theres one single word about Christmas that I havent heard, sung, or taught. Brandon asked, If youre not going, Mom, can I borrow your car then? Blushing, he added, Danielle kinda asked if I could take her to the service. Danielle again, huh? his mother managed a tired, teasing smile. Go ahead. But come straight home -tomorrows a big day, and youll have plenty of time to see her over the school break. After Brandon left, Uncle Gabe put a comforting arm around his niece's shoulder. Why dont you go run a tub for yourself. The girls and I can do the rest of the Christmas set up. Just tell me what needs done. Wearily, Bonnie agreed. The only thing left is to bring up the presents and put them under the tree. Except for what Santa is bringing, all of the gifts are hidden in the old footlocker in the basement. Bronwyn, the youngest, exclaimed, I knew thats where you were hiding them!

1997 William D. Kennedy 41 Birch Road Malvern PA 19355 (610) 695-9419 kennedyw@whiteandwilliams.com

And I knew you knew, which is why theres a lock on it, her mother smiled. She gave Gabe the combination. Come on, girls, Uncle Gabe said, inviting Brenda to join them, you can help me. Just remember -- no feeling or shaking the presents. Not even the ones with your name on them. Well just bring them up and place them under the tree. Stacked inside the wooden trunk were boxes, bundles, and packages, each wrapped in bright, red and green paper with shiny ribbons and curly-Q bows. Bronwyn recognized her mothers handwriting on many of the tags, but some were from assorted aunts and uncles. Brenda even uncovered a few tags written in the distinctive block lettering of her father! They brought the gifts upstairs in trips. That it? Gabe asked when he thought they were done. Theres just one more, Bronwyn said as she carefully set down her last load. Ill get it, Gabe volunteered. Down in the basement, he saw the lone rectangular box remaining in the trunk. It looked like a hat box -- tall, long, and deep enough to take two hands to hold, but light enough for just one to carry. The gift was bundled in a subtle, robins-egg blue tissue paper. Gabe didnt need to see the tag to know who had done the wrapping. It was the same tissue paper that his sister -Bonnies mother -- had used to wrap gifts for as long as he could remember. He gently picked it up and noticed the envelope on the outside. In Grammys shaky, yet familiar handwriting, it read simply, To my daughter, with love. Shall we take it up? Brenda asked as she reached the bottom of the steps. Oh -- Sweetheart, you startled me. I didnt hear you coming. Lets go put it under the tree, Uncle Gabe. I want to have everything done before Brandon gets back. Gabe hesitated. I think I know what this is. Its not exactly a Christmas present. -4-

It must be a Christmas present, Brenda argued, It was in the trunk with all the others, right? Well, yes, I guess so.... With her fathers authoritativeness, Brenda commanded, Well then, it goes under the tree. Yes, Maam, Uncle Gabe saluted. They arranged all the presents, with Gabe taking care to place the light blue package where Bonnie wouldnt see it too quickly. The girls had just gone to bed when the phone rang. Gabe grabbed it quickly, before it could awaken Bonnie. It was Brandon calling to report his accident to Uncle Gabe. The next morning passed quickly as the family emptied their stockings and unwrapped presents. It was nearly noon when things began to wind down. Brandon stepped over the opened boxes of clothes, books, CDs, and crawled around behind the tree. I think the last one is for you, Mom. Bonnie laughed, Oh, I really think you kids have done enough.... She stopped when she saw the distinctive blue box Brandon held in his hands. With a tremor in her voice, she said, Uh, thats not for Christmas ... that shouldnt be here ...where did you get that? Brenda answered, It was in the trunk, Mom. Along with all the other presents. Bonnie turned to Uncle Gabe. But you know who this is from. You probably know whats in it. He nodded. So why did you bring it up? You know its not something I should open here. Gabe raised a bushy white eyebrow. Do I? Brandon, let me have that box. Brandon shared a questioning look with his sister, then handed the package to Uncle Gabe. This has been sitting down in that trunk since last spring, hasnt it?

1997 William D. Kennedy 41 Birch Road Malvern PA 19355 (610) 695-9419 kennedyw@whiteandwilliams.com

His niece admitted, You sent it to me after Grammys funeral. When I saw that wrapping paper and my mothers handwriting, I just couldnt open it, so I just put it away. Brandon was confused. But if its something Gramma wanted you to have... Brenda finished the question, Then shouldnt you have opened it? I wanted to wait.... Bonnies voice trailed off. Bronwyn softly added, You cant wait forever, Mom. Lets open it now, when were all together. Reluctantly, Bonnie agreed. She slipped a careful finger nail under the bottom seam, cut the tape, then lifted the box top. She removed the packing tissue, then slowly raised the soft, rose colored terry cloth object inside. Brandon was puzzled. Its a pillow? Bronwyn added, Made out of a towel? Bonnie eyes were so fixed on the gift that her ears didnt hear the question. Brenda watched her mothers eyes and realized, Theres something written on the front. Whats it say, Mom? But Bonnie couldnt answer. Emotion swept over her like a storm wave at high tide. She stuffed the pillow back in the box, handed it back to her uncle, and excused herself. After she left the room, Uncle Gabe explained to the kids, Early last spring, Grammy made this out of a towel that had been a wedding present for her and your grandfather. She said it was so beautiful that they never even used it, they just saved it for a special occasion. Grammy knew how sick she was, and she wanted to leave your mother a hand-made keepsake that would speak for her after she was gone. So whats the message? Brenda asked. Yeah, Brandon echoed, Show us whats written on the front side. -5-

Uncle Gabe laughed at their impatience. Not so fast, kids. Every message has a context. Lifting the pillow out so he could inspect the embroidered words privately, he added, I support this is a Christmas message, in a sense. Let me see if you can guess. Ill give you a clue -- the words Grammy sewed into the pillow were the first words used to tell the news about Jesus birth. Anyone know what they were? Merry Christmas? Brandon laughed. Ho, ho, ho, Gabe answered his smart-aleck greatnephew. How about you, girls? Brenda remembered something from Handel's Messiah which her choir sang. I know -- For unto us a child is born ? Good guess, but thats actually a prophesy from Isaiah, long before Jesus birth. Bronwyn suggested, I know -- And in those days a decree went forth from Caesar Augustus that all the world should be enrolled. Gabe shook his head. Thats how the second chapter of Lukes history begins, but thats just the background. Ill give you a hint -- its what the angel said to the shepherds in the fields the night Jesus was born. Brandon guessed, For unto you a child is born in the City of David? Youre close. Ill give you another hint: the very first words that were ever used to tell the story of Christmas are the same words that the angel used when he told Mary she was going to give birth to the Savior. And, come to think of it, theyre the same words that the angel used when he convinced Joseph, to stay with Mary. The Brander kids stared at him quizzically. Uncle Gabe lifted the pillow out of the box and turned it around so they could see the white scripted stitching that read: Be Not Afraid .

1997 William D. Kennedy 41 Birch Road Malvern PA 19355 (610) 695-9419 kennedyw@whiteandwilliams.com

Uncle Gabe passed the pillow to Brenda, then recited, And in that region there were shepherds out in the field, keeping watch over their flock by night. And an angel of the Lord appeared to them, and the glory of the Lord shone around them, and they were filled with fear. And the angel said to them ... Brandon filled in the answer: Be not afraid. Uncle Gabe nodded approvingly and finished the quotation, ...for behold, I bring you good news of a great joy which will come to all the people. For unto you a child is born in the City of David, a Savior, which is Christ the Lord. Bronwyn asked, And when the angel first came to Mary, didnt he say, Hail, O Blessed One, the Lord is with thee? Correct, but right after that, what did he say to her? Brenda guessed, Be not afraid? But why would he say that? Because, Uncle Gabe quoted, she was greatly troubled at what kind of greeting this might be. Brenda, youre sixteen now -- some people think thats about how old Mary was. Can you imagine how frightening it would be if a complete stranger came to you and said, Hail, O Blessed One? Brandon laughed. Referring to his sisters braces, he snickered, What theyd say is, Hail, O Tinsel Teeth. He was barely through the sentence before Brenda hurled a wadded up ball of wrapping paper, popping him right on the forehead. Regaining control, Gabe continued, And so the angel reassured her, saying, Be not afraid, for you have found favor with God. Bronwyn asked, What about Joseph? Did an angel say Be not afraid to him, too? Yes. You see, Joseph knew that the baby was not his, and he had considered not completing his betrothal to Mary. But as he considered this, behold, an angel of the Lord appeared to him in a dream and said, Joseph, Son of David, be not afraid to take Mary as your wife, for that which is conceived -6-

in her is of the Holy Spirit; she will call his name Jesus, and he will save his people from their sins. Handing the pillow to his younger sister, Brandon said, I dont think Be Not Afraid is much of a Christmas message. Oh, I do, Gabe disagreed. I think that the presence of God in the world -- in your own life -- can be very frightening. What do you mean? said Bronwyn. I thought that Jesus birth was supposed to be good news of great joy. It is, Gabe admitted. But when God comes, like he did through his Son, Jesus, it can be very frightening, too. God might be asking you to do something hard, or something that goes against conventional wisdom. I think thats how Joseph felt. He had planned to quietly end his relationship with Mary since he was not the childs natural father. But God had something else in mind, and so the angel told him to be brave enough to go against the grain, to complete the betrothal and marry Mary. You see, all through the Bible, both in the Old Testament and the New, you find that one of the most common messages God sends his people is be not afraid. Brenda took the pillow from Bronwyn and held it thoughtfully. But thats all about way back then. What does Be Not Afraid mean now? I mean, why did Grammy embroider it? I think that what your grandmother meant was that we shouldnt be afraid that shes gone, because one day we will see her again. And maybe she meant that we shouldnt be afraid of what each of us is going through, the daily challenge to do right and to make the proper choices. I think she wanted your mother -- and maybe you, too -- to understand that God is greater than our fears and anxieties, and that we should have confidence in Him. Because if you listen to your fears, you forget that, as the angel said to Mary, the Lord is with you. Bronwyn sniffed back a tear. So the people like Grammy who tell us not to be afraid -- theyre angels?

1997 William D. Kennedy 41 Birch Road Malvern PA 19355 (610) 695-9419 kennedyw@whiteandwilliams.com

Uncle Gabe smiled warmly and pulled all three Branders into his embrace. He saw Bonnie listening from doorway behind her children and gave her a big wink. Mostly to herself, she whispered, I cant believe I let this just sit down in the basement all this time. Then to Gabe, she said, Thank you for bringing it up. Thank Brenda, he replied. He handed the pillow to her, and repeating the theme, he proclaimed, Let Gods presence be with you when you rest on this at night. Let Him go with you and lift you from your depths. Be bold! Be confident! Be not afraid! And you say thats a message for us, today? Brandon asked hesitantly. Gabe gushed enthusiastically, Absolutely! Well then, Mom, Brandon began slowly, speaking of being lifted out of the depths, theres something I have to tell you about your car....

-7 1997 William D. Kennedy 41 Birch Road Malvern PA 19355 (610) 695-9419 kennedyw@whiteandwilliams.com