ZeroRejectionDating Foundations

EverythingyouEVERneedtoknowtoattractanddatethewomenofyourdreams

ScottSpencer

TableofContents
Act1:InvincibleInnerGame.........................................................................................................................7 Act2:TheArtofApproaching ....................................................................................................................23 . Act3:AutomaticAttraction........................................................................................................................36 Act4:PerfectDating...................................................................................................................................58 Act5:PhysicalMastery...............................................................................................................................65 Act6:YourExecutionPlan..........................................................................................................................81

Introduction
Congratulations on taking the first step towards a life of dating success and abundance of women!

This book is the culmination of the last three years of my life learning how to have success with dating. It is the result of reading hundreds of books and articles, attending numerous workshops and seminars, approaching thousands of women, working one-on-one with gurus, suffering countless rejections; and ultimately, experiencing extraordinary and overwhelming success and transformation.

This book will teach you how to have authentic and overwhelming success with women, but also in the rest of your life. We do not rely on tricks, gimmicks, and routines like a lot of the other dating products out there. Make no mistake, if you apply the information in this book you will experience eye-opening, life-changing success with women. The changes will be so profound that they will spill over into the rest of your social and professional life.

WhatitMeanstoHaveSuccesswithWomen
It can be very hard to understand what real success with women is like until you experience it. Let me describe to you the reality of a guy who is successful with women. When you are successful with women it is a complete paradigm shift.

When it comes to approaching women, you are never nervous, anxious, or worried about what to say or what she will think of you. You don't even think of it as "approaching" women. Instead,
2

you go about your life and when you see a girl you are interesting in talking to, you go talk to her, period. You don't need an excuse or a pickup line or a funny joke.

When you are on a date with a woman, you never worry about impressing, winning her over, or making her like you. You know at the very core that you have a ton to offer women, so while you are on a date you are solely focused on enjoying the experience and determining if this is a girl you are interested in spending more time with.

When it comes to the physical relationship, you are never trying to earn sex. You understand that women are just like men in that they want and need an active sex life.

Successful guys are not worried about losing a girl, because they know with absolute certainty that there is an abundance of girls that they will continue to meet. When they do meet a girl, they never feel like they have to make sure it "goes well."

WhoisScottSpencer?
I used to be an average guy. I was shy, awkward, and uncomfortable in most social situations. I believed that I was just a guy who would never get girls. In my early twenties I had a few friends who started talking about the growing "seduction community" - books like "The Game," and gurus like David DeAngelo and Mystery. These friends had some success but it never felt right to me. It all seemed very unnatural, and well, dorky. And on top of that, no one seemed to be telling me exactly HOW to make real, authentic changes - most of what I read was focused on theories and gimmicky tricks and techniques.

Then after one particularly crushing rejection at the age of 26 I made the decision that I was going to do WHATEVER it took to get this area of my life handled. I was going to drop any excuses I had been making and try anything and everything until I figured this out. It wasn't easy, it took a LONG time, and it included lots of reading, lots of trial and error, lots of training and gurus, lots of approaching girls, and lots of rejection. But eventually I started to put it all together. The real game changer for me was when I met Colin, a guy who had already gone through it and acted like my coach. Once I had him to guide me, I started to have dramatic success with women.

My friends noticed the sudden changes and they all wanted to know my secret. So I started to teach them the same ideas that I had learned and in the same way that Colin had taught me I gave them a structured "program" to follow. Sure enough, I was able to help several of my own friends get dates, girlfriends, even a threesome in one case!

I knew I was onto something big so I put all of my thoughts down into a rough form of this very book and started giving it to even more of my friends. Everyone loved it and finally one of my friends said, "Scott, you could really help a LOT of guys with this info. You should create an ebook!" He taught me how to make a website and the rest as they say is history.

Yourunderlyingfears,insecurities,andinhibitions
A common theme in Zero Rejection Dating Foundations is that we are going to address the underlying fears, insecurities, and inhibitions. Most of the dating advice that is available focuses

entirely on the outer symptoms of these underlying causes. While you may see some results, this approach is like trying to fix a rusty car by putting a new coat of paint over it.

If you are unhappy with your dating life, it is because you have held disempowering beliefs and incorrect understandings of what women want for YEARS. When you are in a dating situation, these core problems show up externally as poor posture, nervousness, discomfort, anxiety, seriousness, inhibition, shyness, and a whole host of other unattractive qualities. Now you could try to fix each of these problems individually, or you can fix the underlying core problem. We are going to fix both. So while we are destroying your underlying fears, insecurities, and inhibitions, we are also addressing the external symptoms of these. This combination leads to the quickest, permanent, and most dramatic change possible.

Makea90DayCommitment
One last thing before we begin. The absolute most important piece of advice I can give you is to commit 100% to improving your success with women for the next 90 days. Just spend at least 1 hour each day working on an element of your dating life and you WILL see dramatic results. The people who fail are the ones who quit. Read this entire book and commit to working on this area of your life for the next 90 days and I promise by the end you won't even recognize your old self.

There is a TON of information in this book. If at any point you feel overwhelmed, remember that you have to memorize everything in here in order to start meeting and attracting girls! Just focus on one aspect and go out and put it to use - you will see improvements right away.

The6Acts
Zero Rejection Dating Foundations is divided into 6 Acts. They cover in order everything you need to know from right now, to approaching a woman, taking her on dates, all the way through having a physical relationship.

Act 1 Invincible Inner Game: covers the core beliefs that you need to adopt in order to have success in dating. It will also cover tools for replacing your existing beliefs and insecurities.

Act 2 The Art of Approaching: teaches you everything you need to know about this critical step to meeting women where to meet them, how to approach them, what to say. It also covers some fundamental habits voice tone, posture, and body language - that you will want to master.

Act 3 Automatic Attraction: reveals what causes a woman to feel attraction for you, and shows you exactly how to get her attracted to you.

Act 4 Perfect Dating: teaches you how to take her on memorable dates that will separate you from the rest of the guys and continue to build attraction.

Act 5 Physical Mastery: gives you everything you need to know to be a rock star in bed, and have the most fulfilling relationship physically.

Act 6 Your Execution Plan: pulls everything together and gives you a strategy to success.

Act1: InvincibleInnerGame

This is without question the most important chapter of this book. This chapter alone has the power to transform everything about your dating life.

In my study of dating I read a lot about Neuro-Linguistic Programming, and came across a powerful concept about how we (humans) interpret our world. Let me just take a quick second to describe the theory and then we will talk about how this applies to you and your dating.

The main principle is that we do not experience the actual world. We are acting on what NueroLinguistic Programming practitioners refer to as our "map" of the world. In other words, the actual events that occur are being interpreted by our senses and assigned meanings in our brain according to how they fit into our understanding of the world. Now with so much information coming at us about the world at all times, our brain takes numerous shortcuts in order to process the most relevant information. This is an important process that allows us to survive the daily challenges of our world. For example, our brain has a shortcut that tells us that touching a hot stove will be painful. If our brain didn't have this shortcut, every time we came across a hot stove we wouldn't know it was hot until we touched it, and we would be getting burned all the time. Your brain has made the connection hot stove = pain.

However, our brain has also made connections about dating. If you have bad mindsets and beliefs about dating, some of these connections might be:

talking to a girl = rejection & embarrassment attractive girl = not interested in me

8

taking risk with a girl = humiliation

The problem with these is that unlike the hot stove example, they aren't actually serving to protect you from danger - instead they are preventing you from leading a fulfilling life. Most likely you had one or two bad experiences years ago that your brain interpreted as painful (emotionally painful) and created these rules to try to prevent future emotional pain.

PerceptionVs.Reality
Another interesting result of this is that your "personality" is not directly perceived by others. Instead, THEY are making a series of associations and mental shortcuts to assess your social value and attractiveness. The key result of this is that achieving dating success is not as much about possessing attractive qualities as it is about communicating those qualities.

It is a lot like applying for a job. Really, the employer wants to hire someone who is going to be effective in the job. But since they cant directly observe this, they have to rely on your resume you education, experience, and most importantly, how you respond to questions in the interview. It is through your answers that employers make judgments about your capabilities and about what you have to offer. With dating, women really want to find a guy who has a lot to offer them. They can use your resume, your job, who your friends are, how you dress but more importantly they are going to take clues from how you interact with them to decide if you are attractive. And all of this is happening subconsciously.

This is true for you, and importantly, it is true for every girl you have or ever will interact with.

ThePowerofMindsetsandBeliefs
Think about the last time you saw one of those guys who just naturally has success with dating the kind of guy who NEVER gets humiliated or rejected. Picture a time when you saw him meet and attract a woman. What was the first thing he said when we approached her? Was it some topsecret line that put her into an attraction spell? Was it some killer joke that made her instantly want to date or go home with him? Probably not. In fact, I bet it was something really ordinary maybe even, "Hi, I'm ____."

So why did it work? Because he delivered it from a position of confidence. And no matter where that conversation goes, he is going to be able to have the kind of fun response that will attract her. Would he do even better if he used a "good" pickup line? Probably, but while the mindsets can stand on their own, the pickup line doesn't have a chance.

Here is an analogy to help you understand how this works. Imagine someone who is absolutely obese - to the point where in addition to the extra weight, they are having all sorts of problems aches and pains, depression, trouble sleeping, trouble dating etc. Now it is pretty obvious to the observer why this person is having these problems in their life - they have an extremely unhealthy habits and poor beliefs when it comes to diet and exercise. However, a lot of people in these situations will try to treat the symptoms. They will take medicine for the aches and pains, prescription drugs to treat the depression, alcohol for the sleeping trouble, and become bitter and resentful about the dating. And they may see some improvements in the specific problems they were facing, but they are always fighting the underlying problem, and it is an impossible battle.

10

The underlying problem is extremely powerful.

I have a close friend who works in medicine. He was telling me about the stomach stapling procedure, which is a medical procedure where the doctor literally staples off the majority of your stomach so that you can only eat a small portion before becoming full. Now it would seem like this would be a 100% success - if you can't eat, you will lose weight. But the doctors and researchers who developed the procedure underestimated the power of the underlying problems with obese patients. It turned out many patients started blending up unhealthy "smoothies" of cheeseburgers and fattening foods and drinking them! Other reports show that an additional 30% of the patients replaced their addiction to food with an addiction to alcohol!

The lesson for dating is this - Without the right mindsets and beliefs, every pickup line, joke, flashy shirt, or other technique you try will mostly fail (they might work occasionally, but they will also blow up in your face a lot, usually in humiliating fashion). At every step of the way you will be fighting the underlying problem. On the other hand, if you adopt the right mindsets and beliefs, EVERYTHING ELSE will fall into place quickly and easily.

In fact, with the right mindsets and beliefs, you would actually start to have success with women AUTOMATICALLY, even if you consciously changed nothing else! Once you have the right mindsets and beliefs, unconsciously, your posture improves, your voice becomes stronger, and you relax and have fun joking around and flirting with women. Now, instead of leaving you to figure all the details out for yourself, we' are going to give you the specific pieces as well so that you can start having success immediately without having to wait for these changes, but it is

11

interesting to know that they would happen anyways.

This really IS the magic bullet of dating.

So now that you understand the importance and power of mindsets, let's talk about exactly what the right mindsets are.

TheFiveEssentialMindsetsforChange
First you need to adopt the five essential mindsets for change. These do not pertain to attracting women specifically, but rather to allowing yourself to change this area of your life. I have seen many guys fail at learning to meet women because they never believe they can actually change they subconsciously sabotage themselves. These five mindsets are essential to make any significant change in your life. They are not specific to dating, although I have put each of them into a dating context for you below. They are:

1)LearningtohavesuccesswithwomenanddatingISpossible,nomatterwhereyou aretoday. If you are going to change it is absolutely essential that you adopt this belief. I personally hold this belief above all others. I have seen incredible change and I have experienced it. But just a few years ago I didn't think change was possible. I thought some guys just "had it" and others didn't. The crazy thing is that there is proof EVERYWHERE that people can and do change. But you won't see it unless you believe it is possible. I watched several close friends go from struggling with women to having outrageous success but I would tell myself, "yeah, but it only

12

worked on her..." or "yeah, but he got lucky..."

If you are struggling to imagine that you could ever have the kind of success with women you want, try this. Start by acknowledging that you could without a doubt improve your dating life, even if only by a little. Isn't it true that you could change something small about yourself and get a marginal improvement in how women respond to you? Couldn't you improve your style, your health, your body, your posture, your attitude, smile more, make better eye contact - anything! and it would improve your results? The only way this could NOT be true, is if your current "you" is the version of yourself where every conceivable trait or habit that could attract women has been perfected. Does that sound like you? Didn't think so.

So if you can without a doubt change something today that will instantly improve your results and success with women, isn't also true that you could do a second thing tomorrow and achieve another marginal improvement? Isn't it true that you could improve something each and every day and experience continuously improving results and success?

Start TODAY actively looking for the proof and make a mental note every time you find it.

2)YOUcanattractwomen. Isn't it true that in every social interaction people are merely reacting to their PERCEPTION of you? The problem is that the perception of you can be quite different from the REAL you. This happens because the perception of you is actually the REAL you as it is communicated to the world through your actions which are distorted by your inhibitions, social conditioning,

13

insecurities, and beliefs. It is essential to recognize that we have TONS of control over the perception that we create once we become conscious of it.

Another important consequence of this that is undeniably true and critical to understand is that the real YOU has never been rejected or humiliated. It is merely the perception of yourself that was rejected. So don't beat yourself up for past failures - beat up the perception that you created.

3)Whatyouhavebeendoingisn'tworking. Most of us have been taught that if we aren't succeeding we have to just try harder. We have been rewarded for hard work all of our lives. Unfortunately, this is one of the most powerful limiting beliefs. 99% of the time that we fail it is not because we didn't try hard enough but because we had the wrong approach. Humans are creatures of habit. We behave in very predictable ways to the same situations. Think about your approach to dating. Chances are that when you see a beautiful woman today you do almost the same EXACT thing that you did when you saw a beautiful woman 5 years ago. What you are doing IS NOT WORKING.

And if what you are doing is NOT working, than by definition, ANY OTHER STRATEGY has a BETTER chance of working.

Read that sentence again slowly and recognize that it has to be true.

4)ItisOKtogethelp. We'd all like to be naturally great at meeting and attracting women. We'd like to think we don't

14

need a dating coach or program, that we were born with these skills or that things will fall into place on their own. I get it, I was there. But holding onto this belief will keep you from ever succeeding. Making this transformation is like rebuilding a classic car. You need to completely clear out and gut your social life, beliefs, and habits, and put yourself back together one piece at a time - making sure every piece is exactly in place as it needs to be. Beginning now, I want you to EMBRACE the fact that you need help with this part of your life. If your social life was just OK, you would never have the reason to improve. But because your social life is unacceptable, you are forced to fix it. This is why so many trust fund babies never do anything meaningful with their lives and why so many of the self-made people on the Forbes 500 started out very poor. It creates a sense of urgency. This urgency is one of your biggest assets, start using it TODAY.

5)ThetimetoactisNOW. You've already taken the first step by joining the Zero Rejection Dating community and reading the ebook. Take a moment to congratulate yourself on this. And now reiterate the commitment you made to spend at least 1 hour a day for the next 90 days improving your dating.

MindsetsandBeliefsoftheHighValueMale
Throughout this program we talk a lot about the "high value male." The high value male could be Tom Brady, Brad Pitt, a successful attorney, a popular guy in your college or high school, or even the manager at your local Olive Garden. A high value male is anyone who holds a position near the top of some social circle whether that social circle is the celebrity crowd in Hollywood, the fishing community in Biloxi, Mississippi, a retirement community in Achorage, Alaska, or the employees at your local movie theater. These guys always have success with the

15

women in their social circle.

So what are the specific mindsets and beliefs that high value males have?

1)Ihavealottoofferwomen. The high value male knows that he has a lot of offer women - as a friend, in a relationship, and physically. He doesn't think about consciously trying to impress them. Instead he is trying to decide if they live up to his standard.

2)Thereisanabundanceofamazingwomenavailabletome. The high value male knows that there are always an abundance of interesting, beautiful women available in his life. Even if he doesn't have a specific girl in mind, he knows that he will meet many of these high quality women in the future.

3)Thereisnosuchthingas"rejection." We talked about how YOU are never actually rejected. If you pursue a girl and "fail," she is merely reacting to her perception of you. You could have approached her in hundreds of ways with subtle variations in your voice, posture, or any of the other elements that create attraction. She would have responded positively to many of these alternate perceptions, you just didn't present the right one.

4)Iamaleader. Being a leader comes down to having the confidence, dominance, and courage to make decisions

16

based on what you think is right.

5)IfIhaveaproblemwithanareaofmylifeIfixitimmediatelyIamamanof action. You have already shown that you are a man of action by going out and joining the Zero Rejection Dating program. Congratulate yourself for taking this crucial first step and commit again to sticking with the program. We are going to systemically fix everything that has been holding you back from attracting the kind of women you want into your life.

6)Doesn'tmatterwhereyouareit'swhereyouaregoing Another belief of the high-value male is that it is more important where you are going, what you are going to achieve, than it is where you are today. This is the embodiment of ambition, a trait that all high-value males hold. We are all born with different natural abilities. But it is not what we start with that counts, it is how much we do with what we have and where we end up.

7)Ihaveastrongsenseofidentity. The high-value male has a strong sense of identity. He knows what his goals and values are, and he is unwilling to compromise them for anyone. He portrays his authentic personality to the world and owns it. So much of what we do is the result of social conditioning - a whole life-time of being told how we should behave and what we should aspire to. The high-value male lives by his own standards.

17

8)Lifeisagame. The high-value male believes that life is a game. He doesn't take himself too seriously and can find fun in almost any situation. This means being adventurous, open-minded, and light-hearted.

HowtoChangeYourBeliefs
If you are going to have sustained, long-term, and authentic success with women, it is absolutely mandatory that you internalize and own these beliefs. Now you can't internalize them overnight, however, you can instantly improve your beliefs, and you will see results immediately. And with consistent effort, anyone can learn to fully internalize and own the high value beliefs.

So let me give you the step by step process to start putting these beliefs to work today!

First you need to get rid of the old beliefs. You do this by weakening them. You need to break them down, realize how they are untrue, ridiculous, and harmful, and habitually reinforce this.

For each new belief you want to adopt, get out a clean sheet of paper and brainstorm the answer to the following questions: This is the time to be brutally honest with yourself.

1) What belief do I currently hold in the place of the empowering belief? It might just be the opposite - but be specific. For example, don't just say "my belief was that the time to act is NOT now..." Maybe your belief was something like, "I'll take care of this once I get to college, once I get that raise, once I move out of this crappy apartment...

18

2) In what ways are my existing belief ridiculous? List any reasons that your belief is ridiculous. Does it contradict itself? It is obvious that it logically cannot be true?

3) List every time you this belief was ever disproven. Beliefs are generalizations. Think back on any time in your life when your belief was ever disproven. People have a tremendous ability to rationalize things and create stories that fit their experiences into their understanding of the world. It is crucial that you don't allow this to reinforce negative beliefs in your dating life. If you currently hold the belief that you women aren't attracted to you, but yet you have in fact had a girlfriend, had sex, or even kissed a girl, that is powerful evidence that your belief isn't true! But a lot of guys will tell themselves stories and rationalizations. For example, they might say to themselves, "yeah I had a girlfriend, but that was back in college, and things are a lot different in college... I could never attract a girl now." Or if they kissed a girl they might say, "well yeah but she didn't really like me she was just being nice." Stop ignoring these important clues and use them to destroy your harmful beliefs! Make a list of as many belief disproving events as you can.

4) List all of the negative consequences that will result from NOT changing these beliefs now. Be specific - what will your life be like in 5 years? How would NOT changing this belief affect your dating life, your social life, your overall happiness? What enjoyable, enriching, or fulfilling experiences will you miss out on if you don't change this belief? What frustrations, disappointments, embarrassments, fears, or failures will you experience if you continue to hold this negative belief?

19

5) In what ways has holding this negative belief benefited you in the past? The reason that we hold these negative beliefs is that they provide some secondary benefit to us. Usually this comes down to protecting us from possible embarrassment, rejection, humiliation, or the threat of confrontation, but they can also provide benefits such as pity or commiseration with friends. Write down all the ways that your negative belief has actually benefited you in the past. Acknowledge that you have benefits from your belief, but also realize that the benefits are severely outweighed by the negative consequences that you listed in #4.

6) Finally, get a new piece of paper and for each negative belief you currently hold write the following sentences: - The negative belief written out - "This belief is ridiculous because..." (fill in the most ridiculous aspect or aspects of your negative belief) - "The proof that this belief is not true is..." (fill in the 2-3 most powerful times this belief was disproven in your life) - "I am going to destroy this belief NOW because..." (fill in the 3 negative consequences that motivate you to the most to commit to destroying this belief NOW) - "I have allowed myself to hold this belief because..." (fill in the 2 most significant benefits you received from this belief, and then why these are no longer worth pursuing at the cost of the damage the belief is causing)

20

Second, you need to strengthen and cultivate the empowering beliefs. 1) List all of the positive ways that changing this belief NOW will benefit your life. How will it affect you dating life? What changes will I see in my success with girls, my attitudes and feelings about dating? How will it change the way my friend and family perceive me? What new opportunities and experiences will it open up for me? How will my successes in dating spill over into the rest of my life, my health, my career?

2) List any experiences you have ever had that confirm this belief. What personal experiences have you had that confirm the powerful belief? Commit every day to looking for new confirmations in your life. They are everywhere once you consciously look for them. Recognize them and continuously add them to your list.

3) On a clean piece of paper for each belief you want to adopt, write the following sentences: - The positive belief written out - "I am committed to adopting this belief today because..." (fill in the 3 most motivating ways that this belief will improve your life) - "I know this belief is true because..." (fill in the 3 most powerful times when this belief was confirmed and proven)

Finally, commit to internalizing this belief every day. Put the pieces of paper with your sentences somewhere where you will see them every day. Great places for this include your bathroom mirror, your nightstand, your refrigerator, or your car visor. Read the sentences out loud every morning for thirty days. Don't just read them

21

passively; make sure you are really thinking about what you have written.

22

Act2: TheArtofApproaching

23

Act 2 is all about the Art of Approaching. Now you may be asking yourself, but Scott, you told me that if I mastered the material in Chapter 1, the rest would take care of itself! I thought all of my dating problems were caused by what we just fixed! Well you are right, but years of bad habits take a while to fix themselves! So now we are going to teach you specific dating strategies that will instantly transform your success with women.

Voice
It is hard to overstate the importance of a strong voice when it comes to success with women and dating. In one famous study, subjects listened to the voices of several speakers and on that impression alone, were able to predict with remarkable accuracy the sexual success (number of sexual partners, age at first sexual experience) of the speaker.

A strong voice sends a universally recognized message to your listener that you are a high-value, high-status male who deserves to be listened to. A weak voice on the other hand, immediately and powerfully communicates to your listener that you are low-value with nothing important to say.

Voice quality is such a powerful communicator of your value because it is pervasive. Every single thing you say to a woman (including written emails and texts, which she will "hear" in your voice when she reads) is communicated and interpreted in the context of your voice.

24

In fact, in many situations, the quality of your voice will be dramatically more important than what you are actually saying.

The great news is that voice quality is also one the easiest things to change - it can be done almost instantaneously, which I'm going to show you now. Try the following exercise:

1) Get a recorder - If you have a voice recorder, great. I had one on my cell phone that I used, you might also have one on your computer. If not, go out and buy one! 2) Record your normal voice. It is important here that you record your normal speaking voice because a lot of people will alter their voice if they are aware that they are being recorded. (If you've ever felt any anxiety right before leaving a voicemail, you have experienced this.) To capture your normal voice, you can record your end of a phone conversation, give your recorder to a friend and have them secretly record a conversation with you over the next couple of days, or practice speaking into the recorder until you lose any anxiety. Save the recording, but don't listen to it yet! 3) Do the Perfect Command Drill: Imagine you are grabbing lunch at your favorite restaurant and you get a strange phone call. A terrorist is threatening to destroy the world and he will only stop if he can have your favorite shirt (sounds crazy, I know, just go with it). Jack Bauer (or a CIA operative) is standing in your room and the fate of the world depends on you accurately directing the caller to your closet to get your favorite shirt. Now there is absolutely no rush, but you must direct the caller to your favorite shirt on the first try - if they grab the wrong shirt the world will end. Record this one when there is no one around to hear you - so that their presence doesn't change your voice. Speak for at least a minute. Record this but don't listen to it yet!

25

4) There are 5 common speaking habits that contribute to a low-quality, low-status voice. They are: - Speaking too quietly - Speaking too quickly - Mumbling/not speaking clearly - Using filler words (like, um, you know) or nervous laughter - Speaking in monotone Like most aspects of dating, poor speaking habits are almost always caused by an underlying problem. In this case, there are two common core problems. - Not wanting to be heard - Believing other people aren't interested in what you are saying When you are speaking, and particularly when you are speaking in a "high-stress" situation like in front of a group or with an attractive woman, you instinctually adopt speaking habits that serve as a defense mechanism against one of these core fears. 5) Listen to your two recordings. Listen specifically for the 5 common speaking flaws described above. Do you notice a difference when you did the Perfect Command Drill? If you did the drill correctly you should have noticed a dramatic decrease in speaking flaws. This works because in the situation you are imagining, you are eliminating the two common underlying problems - in this situation you DO want to be heard, and you know that your listener IS interested in what you are saying.

Isn't that amazing that you can speak in a confident, powerful voice almost instantaneously!? You are physically capable and competent of doing this but internal fears and inhibitions are

26

preventing it. Now that you have witnessed this first hand, the trick is to teach yourself to use your strong voice in social situations.

So how to permanently get rid of these flaws in your speaking?

The Ten Minute Perfect Voice Drill

1) You are going to spend ten minutes each day working on your voice. The best time to do this is in the morning - it will set the tone for your actual conversations throughout the day. I used to do it every day in my car on the drive to work. It is important that you do this in an environment where you will be free from fears of being overheard. Another great time to do this drill is right before any situation where you are going to be speaking a lot - before going to a party, an interview, or giving a presentation etc. 2) First do the Perfect Command Drill from above. Be sure to speak for at least 1 minute. 3) Next do the Friendly Girl Drill. For this drill, imagine that you are speaking to a pretty girl, and you are telling her a story about your day - it can be anything, even if you tell her that you are doing a drill to improve your voice and why you are doing it. The important part is that you have to imagine that this girl is going to respond positively to anything that you say to her. There is zero risk of her disapproving of what you say - after all, she is in your imagination! 4) Finally, do the Stranger Drill. For this one, imagine telling a random girl the same story that you just told the "friendly girl." The random girl might react positively and she might react negatively, but they key is that she is still imaginary, so even if she reacts poorly you can make her disappear. For this drill, you don't care at all how she reacts, your only objective is to get

27

your story or your point of view across. You want to be heard! 5) Listen to all three recordings and notice if there is a difference in the quality of your voice. If you are not satisfied with the quality of your voice repeat the exercises!

BodyLanguage
The next thing to work on is your body language. Similar to your voice, your body language communicates subconsciously your own value and social status. Just like your voice, your underlying beliefs, fears, insecurities, and inhibitions express themselves through your body language. Your body instinctually adopts body language designed to minimize the amount of attention and potential conflict.

1)EyeContact Eye contact is a very important way to subconsciously appear attractive and high-status. Low value guys tend to make very poor eye contact. They look away and often down when they are speaking and when they are asked a question. Make sure that you are consistently making solid eye contact when you talk to a woman.

2)Posture Your posture is another powerful subconscious communicator of your value. High value guys carry themselves with powerful posture. You already know what this posture looks like standing straight, shoulders back, head tilted up. Notice how other guys carry themselves. Notice the posture of actors in movies for example, Daniel Craig as James Bond.

28

3)Tension/Relaxation Confident, dominant, attractive body language means a body that is free of tension.

There are four areas of the body that are frequently subconsciously tensed. Forehead Jaw Shoulders Abdomen

You need to consciously observe these areas of your body and be sure that you are not storing tension there. It is simply a matter of being aware of these areas and consciously relaxing them.

WheretoMeetWomen
Women are literally everywhere. You see them in the street, in your classes, at work, in restaurants and coffee shops, libraries, book stores, healthclubs, bars, malls, in your apartment building, literally everywhere! So it is surprising that one of the most common complaints guys have is, "I don't know where to meet women."

Once you realize that you really CAN approach and meet women anywhere, you will see how ridiculous this complaint is. In fact, the less traditional a venue is to meeting girls, the better success you will likely have. This is because the very act of approaching a women in a nontraditional venue 1) sets you apart from the other guys who try to meet her 2) establishes immediately that you are confident and high-value (see chapter 3) enough to feel comfortable

29

"putting yourself out there," and 3) she doesn't have her guard up.

Some of the most difficult places to attract women are actually the more traditional venues. A blind date could be the worst of all. If you have ever been on a blind date you can probably relate - most of them don't go well. This is because typically the date has been set up by some friends, who told the daters that they would really be good together. The date is invariably a boring dinner, with inflated expectations about having chemistry, where both people have their defenses up. 99% of the time the conversation devolves to boring small-talk... what do you do? where are you from? etc.

Again, not to say that you can't meet girls in the traditional venues, but it is definitely more challenging.

I am going to give you a list of great places to meet women, but first let's talk about the 5 basic types of approaches.

TypesofApproaches
Now let's talk about the different types of approaches - the different ways that you will meet women. It is important to realize that this is just the first step of your interaction. In each of these cases you will end up at the same place. It is a great idea to have a few of these approach scenarios in your bag, especially so that you don't "freeze up" when you see a girl. However, don't get overly worked up with the particular scenario. Remember that the scenario is just a medium for initiating a conversation. The style of approach itself is not going to determine

30

whether or not she is attracted to you. Attraction is determined by the non-verbal cues we just covered such as voice and body language, and by perceived value (as we describe in great detail in chapter 3). Do NOT get too focused on the STYLE of approach.

1)DirectApproach The direct approach is where you approach a girl and your intention and interest is clear. There are many ways to do this, for example, you could say:

"Hi, I'm Jeff, I just wanted to come say Hi." "Hi, I'm Jeff, you're pretty cute. I wanted to come say Hi."

or, you can start with a random comment, and then a confession:

You - "Hey have you seen the waitress?" Her - "I think she went over there...." You - "Actually, I just wanted to come say Hi. I'm Jeff."

The key is to be congruent. If you walk up to a girl with a bold line and say it in a quiet, hurried stutter, with poor posture, no eye contact and awkward silence afterwards, it is going to blow up in your face. However, if you deliver the same line in a confident voice, with strong body language, and can smoothly transition into a fun and relaxed conversation (see chapter 3 for details on how to do just this), you will get a great response from the girl.

31

It is important to realize that while you ARE explicitly showing an interest in meeting her up front, you are NOT communicating that you are lower value. The context is that you are a highvalue guy who finds her physically attractive, and you wanted to say hello to see if she is worth getting to know. You aren't worshiping her or intimidated by her. If you approach a girl from this frame you will succeed.

The direct approach paradoxically works best where it is least expected. It works great in book stores, cafes, parks - anywhere girls aren't expecting to be approached (compare this to a bar, where they are constantly being approach by guys). It is somewhat less likely to work (although it still often does) in bars and clubs. This is because girls in these venues have their shields up in order to fend off the non-stop parade of guys approaching them.

2)IndirectApproach This style was popularized in the best-seller "The Game," which describes a guy named Mystery and the techniques and tricks he has learned to meet women. This approach is based on trying to "slip under the radar" and initiate a conversation without overtly hitting on her. Frequently, this means using what is called an "opinion opener." An example of this would be asking a question such as, "Hey, I've been asking everyone tonight if they think guys or girls cheat more." This is designed to initiate a conversation that you can later steer towards attraction and seduction.

The theory here is that you want to initiate a conversation, generate attraction, and then finally show your interest only after she is interested in you.

32

This approach can certainly work, but it is inherently low value. Think about it. You are memorizing lines, asking for phony opinions, and taking surveys you don't care about just for an excuse to go talk to a girl! The underlying truth is that you are not worthy of talking to the girl so you need "material" to get her interest. Think about really high-value guys. Do you think Justin Timberlake needs to ask girls for some random opinion to start a conversation? Of course not. How about a run-of-the-mill professional athlete? A hedge-fund manager? Even a popular guy at college? Of course not. Yet these guys get girls all the time.

That being said, obviously an indirect opener can work just fine. If you are going to use them, use one that you are genuinely interested in.

A lot of guys have used this style with success, but it is not a favorite of mine. However, if you feel most comfortable with this approach and it is going to help you get started talking to girls, go for it! It tends to work best in bars and club where girls are expecting to get hit on. In this situation, the indirect approach helps her to lower her guard and get involved in a conversation without feeling threatened.

3)SituationalApproach This is most natural approach, and is my favorite to use. The situational approach is when you start a conversation that is related to something in your environment. It is different from the direct approach in that you are not explicitly communicating interest (although she will usually assume this anyways) and different from the indirect approach in that it is contextually relevant not a pre-designed survey-style question.

33

A situational opener can be any comment that is relevant to your environment. It can take many forms. It can be a question, a statement, a joke, or banter.

Here is an example. Imagine you are approaching a girl who is picking out organic vegetables at the supermarket.

"Hey, what is the difference between regular vegetables and organic vegetables anyways?"

Practice this approach and you will become very good at thinking of clever situational openers on the fly.

4)TheIntroduction(nonapproach) This isn't really an approach at all, but happens a lot, particularly as you build a social circle. In fact, this is how the majority of couples get together.

The advantages of this are: - You are already part of her social circle, so you have tremendous social proof - You will have a lot to talk about - mutual friends, how she knows your friends etc

The disadvantages are: - It is frequently used as a crutch - You are not picking the girls you want to interact with

34

- Since she knows your friends, she is going to be on high guard of looking like a slut

Flexibility At the end of the day, the key to true success with women is the flexibility to be able to approach a woman under any of these circumstances. Does a high-value guy need to use an indirect opinion question or rely on introductions from his friends to meet women? Of course not. Nevertheless, they are perfectly valid ways to start a conversation with a girl and there is no reason to shy away from them - just don't use them as a crutch.

Remember that the approach is only the beginning of your interaction. It only serves to put you into a conversation with a stranger. So focus on getting to a conversation and on making a strong first impression with strong voice and body language.

35

Act3: AutomaticAttraction

36

Generating attraction is the most important thing you can do if you want to have a relationship with a girl. Plain and simple, if she isn't attracted to you, it doesn't matter how much she likes, respects, or admires you. Once you learn to make women attracted to you, you will have success with women. This chapter is divided into two main sections. Part 1: Value discusses the principle of value and how it is the key to creating attraction. Part 2: Conversation and Connection covers how to create a feeling of connection through conversation skills.

Part1:Value
Attraction can be boiled down to one equation.

Attraction = She Perceives You To Have Value to Her

If a woman perceives that you have value to her she will be attracted to you. Specifically, if she perceives you as having value to her as a boyfriend, she will want to date you. If she perceives you as having value to her as a one night stand, she will want to sleep with you. And yes, if she perceives you as having value as a friend (the guy who buys her dinners, cheers her up when she is upset, and helps her with her work) she will want you as a friend.

By the way, this same equation applies to all social interactions, not just dating. I graduated from one of the most prestigious universities in the U.S. with a degree in mechanical engineering. I was president of the mechanical engineering honor society and had a spectacular resume. And even though I graduated at a time when the economy was thriving and jobs were plentiful, I
37

couldn't get hired! I went on interview after interview only to see candidates with inferior resumes getting the job. Looking back now, I realize it is because in each of those interviews, my perceived value as an employee was low. No matter how qualified you actually are, if you come across as nervous, insecure, and unable to communicate, you won't seem like a good candidate.

But back to dating, it all comes back to this:

If a woman perceives you as having value to her, she will be attracted to you

It is crucial to understand that she will react to the value that she perceives, not your actual value.

TheValueRange
One surprising thing about value is that if a girl perceives your value to be too much higher than her own, she will actually feel less attracted to you. Think about the girl in your own life that you have been really into. I am talking about the one that kept you up at night. Was it Jennifer Aniston, Angelina Jolie, or Giselle Bundchen? Probably not. In fact, it was probably a girl you went to school with or a neighbor. Why are you captivated by the seemingly "average" girl when there are clearly more beautiful women everywhere? It is called the "Auto-Rejection Mechanism." If someone believes they can't have something, often times rather than continue to desire something and fail, they will rationalize that they don't want it in the first place. This is the reason that very unattractive women are sometimes extremely rude and nasty. Sadly, they assume they have no chance and it is therefore less painful to "reject" men than to be rejected themselves.

38

So the ideal range is for her to perceive you as equal or slightly higher value than herself.

WhatisValue?
So we know that women are attracted to you when they perceive you as having value to them, but what is value? Well value is something different for every girl, and it is also something that changes over time. Remember the prettiest, most popular girl in your high school? She probably dated the captain of the football team, or the class president, or the popular guy who was three years older. Why? Because he had the highest value to her of all the guys in her world. These are the guys that bring her to the best parties and bring her the most social approval and popularity. But as these girls get into their mid 20s, do they still go for the best athletes? Generally no. Why? Because athletic prowess no longer provides value. Usually the prettiest girls in their mid 20s will be attracted to successful guys with good careers, financial success, and strong social circles. Again this is because these are the attributes that bring her value.

While every girl may have her own idea of value, there are several traits that are universally recognized as having value. You should do EVERYTHING you can to develop these traits:

- Ambition - Charisma - Confidence - Creativity - Dominance

39

- Health - Humor - Intelligence - Leadership - Passion For Something in Life

There are also several traits that are universally recognized as being low-value. You should do EVERYTHING you can to minimize and get rid of these traits:

- Being Uptight - Excessive Seriousness - Social Awkwardness - Negativity

HowtoCommunicateValue
Value is not logically and rationally "calculated" by a girl when you talk to her. Rather it is something that is happening emotionally at the subconscious level. We have already covered the most important subconscious clues - voice and body language - that communicate to a woman that you are a high value male. It is important to recognize that you are never going to be able to logically "convince" her that you are valuable and attractive. No matter how much you tell her about your car, your bank account, or your job, she isn't going to be convinced to be attracted to you.

40

So what are some of the ways that you can communicate your value?

SocialProof Social proof is the tendency of people to follow the cue of others when they are unsure of how to behave in a situation. It is very closely related to the tendency for people to follow herd-like behavior. There are many, many examples of this in real life: - the nightclub that deliberately keeps people from entering in order to establish a long line will be perceived as a much cooler club because "if all of these people are waiting, it must be good." - the pervasive use of testimonials in everything from tv commercials to book covers - the use of "laugh-tracks" (the prerecorded background laughing) in sitcoms

There are many studies that have confirmed the power of social proof. One study had subjects drink from two glasses of wine. They were told that one glass was from a $100 bottle and the other was from a $10 bottle. In reality it was the same exact wine but the subjects almost unanimously preferred the "more expensive" glass. Another famous example was a study involving two actors. The first actor faked an emergency situation by yelling for help, and the second actor pretended to be a bystander. The first actor would yell for help as an unsuspecting subject walked by. If the second actor reacted as if the cry for help was an emergency, the subject would offer help. However, if the second actor ignored the cry for help, the subject would also ignore the cry.

So how do you use social proof for dating success?

41

- Whenever possible, surround yourself with attractive girls. Other girls will take this as a cue that you are a high-status male who attracts women. - If you are into online dating and social networking, use pictures of yourself with attractive girls. Avoid using pictures of yourself with large groups of guys. - Drop subtle clues that you have an abundance of attractive women in your life. The key here is to be subtle. Don't say, "yeah, I usually hang around with models." Instead, subtly work it into a story.

Challenge/Scarcity Another powerful concept from marketing is scarcity. This is why commercials frequently advertise "limited time offers." When it comes to dating this means you want the girl to feel like this is a great opportunity for her to potentially date you. Ideally she should feel lucky to have met you when you were available.

Some specific things you can do to add an element of scarcity: - Don't always be available. If she asks you to meet her tomorrow, dont always drop everything and rearrange your schedule around her. Tell her you have plans but you can do it another day. - Be unpredictable. Sometimes you want to play hard to get, other times you can be more direct. But dont be predictable you want to avoid giving her the impression that she can have you whenever she wants.

ValueFrameoftheInteraction Have you ever noticed what average guys do when they are in the presence of a very attractive

42

woman? They take on a series of submissive behaviors - laughing at anything she says, flattering, buying her things, pretending to be interested in the same things as her, etc. All of these behaviors are the result of the guy assuming he is of lower value than the girl. The same thing can be seen in subordinates when they are around their boss. It is a concept I call the "Value Frame."

Do you act the same around an attractive girl as you do around your friend's annoying younger brother? Do you act the same around your boss as you do the intern in the office? Of course not. The difference is that while it may be appropriate to show deference and respect to your boss (although you should not overdo this) it is NEVER a good idea to act submissive around a woman. Before a woman knows you, she doesn't know how her value stacks up to yours. But if you communicate subconsciously to her through your interaction that she is of higher value, if you assume this role, SHE IS GOING TO BELIEVE YOU.

Being higher value is NOT about being mean, condescending, or arrogant. It is about being more confident in who you are and caring less about what other people think. It is about having a strong identity and being authentic. If someone disagrees with you, it is OK to be open-minded and hear their opinion, but you should not conform to their view of the world.

Here are some ways your value is subconsciously communicated in your interactions with women.

43

Cockiness This is something I learned from David DeAngelo. Playful cockiness (or "cocky funny" as David D calls it) can be a great way to establish the value frame. You might want to check out his program, Double Your Dating, but the main idea is his technique cocky funny.

MakingHerWorkForYou If she says something you don't find funny - don't laugh. If she says something you disagree with, say so. Don't take this too far - being higher value is NOT about being an asshole. It is about having a strong identity and being authentic.

MitigatedSpeech There is something that linguists refer to as "mitigated speech."

Compare the following 6 sentences, which all say the same thing with different levels of mitigation: 1) "You're hanging out with me this weekend" 2) "We need to hang out this weekend" 3) "We should hang out this weekend" 4) "Do you want to hang out this weekend" 5) "I think it would be fun to do something this weekend" 6) "I don't have any plans for this weekend yet..."

44

As we go from sentence 1 to sentence 6 the speech becomes increasingly mitigated. In each case you are suggesting the same thing - that you hang out this weekend, but your message comes across very differently as you change the level of mitigation. Sentence 1 implies the most dominance and relative value (compared to hers) while sentence 6 implies the least dominance and relative value. Consistent with the "value range" we discussed earlier, you want most of your speech to fall in the range of sentences 1 - 3.

Everyone uses different levels of mitigated speech in different social situations - this is very normal. When you are speaking to your boss it is appropriate to use more mitigation that when you are speaking to a little kid. However, the degree of mitigation that you use when talking to a woman will give her strong cues about where your relative value is.
45

You also want to be aware of your use of "softeners." Softeners are words that lower the intensity of any statement you make. Examples include: - maybe - probably - should - might

If she asks what you are doing, don't say, "I think I might go to a movie." Say, "I am going to a movie."

DominatetheInteraction Of course it isn't just how you say it, it is what you say as well. Take charge! Instead of asking what movie she wants to see or where she wants to eat, state your preference. Too many guys fall into this trap thinking they are being nice but they are actually just communicating lower value implying that you will make sacrifices to hang out with her. Look, at the end of the day, she isn't going to care much if you go to one restaurant over another, if you stay in one night or go out the next. Just pick something and lead the interaction.

Again, this isn't about being boss or being an asshole. For example:

You say, "Let's go to a movie tonight, meet me there at 7." She says, "I was hoping we could stay in tonight..."

46

You can say OK without looking bad. It isn't about getting your way, it is about taking charge and having an opinion.

Physical Another great way to communicate your value when you are with a girl is how you handle yourself physically. If she bumps into you do you pull back, apologize, and seem uncomfortable?

When you are with a girl, it is important to physically touch her. This breaks down any physical awkwardness and will make it much more natural when you want to get physical later on. There are several great times to physically touch a girl you are talking to.

- In a joking, teasing, or flirting way. This includes anything fun or even goofy - punching in the arm (very lightly), patting on the head, tripping, poking, arm-wrestling etc. This type of physical contact goes naturally when you are using the teasing/banter conversational tool below. An example of this might be if she cuts someone in a line, you say something like, "Wow, you are such a bully! I am going to have to keep you separated from these people so no one gets hurt... Seriously are you on steroids? Is this a roid rage?" And then as you are teasing her about this, you grab her bicep and say, "Oh my god, you must work out every day!"

- In a dominant or protective way. An example of this is when you are walking through a restaurant or bar, put your hand on the small of her back and guide her. This goes naturally with you being in charge and leading the interaction (see "Dominate the Interaction" above).

47

- In a sensitive or connecting way. This type of physical touching helps to build an intimate connection. It goes naturally with storytelling (see below). This type of touching would include lightly touching her arm or elbow - or any other part that is relevant to the story (non-sexual) while you are telling the story. Done correctly, this will draw her into your story while also building a level of physical comfort.

HerMoodorState Have you ever watched a funny movie when you were in a bad mood - and not laughed at the same jokes that would have you rolling on the floor normally? Have you ever watched selfproclaimed Democrats or Republicans react to a speech by a leader from the opposite party? Did you notice how they will react negatively to anything that is said, even if it is not about an issue they have an opinion on? Why do these things happen?

These behaviors happen because people's perception of the world, and their response to it, is dependent on their emotional mood or state. Sometimes a girl will get into a state where she is resisting pickup attempts. I call this situation State Resistance, and it is very different from ordinary resistance that results from her being unattracted to you.

You need to be able to recognize when she is putting up State Resistance and first work on removing that obstacle before you can start to communicate value and create a connection. If you try to overpower State Resistance, she will only push back harder.

48

Part2:ConversationandConnection
One of the biggest turnoffs on a date is awkwardness. It is very difficult for a girl to feel attraction for you - no matter what her perceived value of you - if she does not feel a connection. In fact, "connection" could really fall under the Value section because the ability to create a connection with a girl is an important element of having value for her life. However, it is such an important concept that I felt the need to break it out separately.

One powerful way to create a connection is through great conversational skills. One of the most common mistakes average guys make on dates is what is referred to as "interview style game." This boils down to asking questions like "where are you from," "where did you go to school," and "what do you do" - ordinary conversation. Ordinary conversation will never generate attraction. It has a very important place in dating, but it is important to create attraction and connection first.

Here are 6 Conversational Techniques to create attraction and connection:

Storytelling Storytelling is a great conversational skill to master. Done correctly, storytelling allows you to: - be the center of attention (high value) - subtly convey your own value through the story itself - generate an emotional response - win over her friends
49

So what are the keys to captivating storytelling? Practice. Start consciously telling more stories even around your normal friends and at work. Look for a local meeting of the group toastmasters. Toastmasters is a non-profit group dedicated to the art of public speaking and leadership and a great way to improve your skills in this area.

Teasing/Banter Teasing a girl is another great way to create a fun interaction while simultaneously establishing your value. The key is to tease her about things that she isn't actually sensitive about.

There are a lot of fun ways to work this into your conversation: - Intentionally misinterpret what she says. - Exaggerate what she says to make it sound silly. - Read into things she does in a funny way.

A simple way to tease a girl is to think of a nickname for her. The nickname should be somewhat insulting, but in a cute kind of way - think of a nickname you would give your best friend's slightly annoying younger brother. The best way to do this is to call her it after she has demonstrated some behavior consistent with the nickname. Some great examples are: - Dork - Player - Tease (although never in the context of her teasing you) - Nerd

50

- Lush (if she is a partier) - Blondie

Know When to Stop if She Isn't Reacting Usually if the girl is in a good mood she will respond very positively to teasing. However, occasionally you will meet a girl who is either a) too insecure to be teased, b) not in the right mood to be teased, or c) doesn't find your specific teasing funny. So if she doesn't laugh or play along, give her a little nudge and say, "I'm just giving you a hard time." Do NOT apologize (unless she starts crying), but don't keep teasing her in that specific way.

Practice! Effective banter is a skill and the more you use it the better you get.

Roleplaying Role playing is a great way to create a fun framework for your conversation. What you want to do is create a playful situation.

Some great examples include: - You are on your honeymoon together - You are having an affair together - She is trying to seduce you - You had a passionate fling years ago and you are finally reunited

Now you don't want to explicitly say, "OK so now we are going to pretend we are on our

51

honeymoon..." The way to do this is to just assume your role and she will naturally fall into hers.

Games/Bets This is one that I learned from a friend Ashley. Ashley has one of the best personalities I have ever seen in a girl. Every time I saw Ashley she would have start a fun game or bet with me. One of the most memorable was when I hung out with her on New Year's. She made a bet that she could kiss more guys than I could girls. This created a really fun dynamic between the two of us and a framework for a great interaction. It started with a lot of playful "shit-talking," continued with teasing throughout the night about who was winning, and finally was a great joke in the morning. This bet was particularly great because it had a slight sexual bent, so a lot of the teasing and joking revolved around how we were going to seduce people etc.

Another example comes from one of my best friends in college, Jeremiah. Jeremiah was not an attractive guy by any stretch of the imagination - he was extremely skinny and pale - but he had a great personality and was always able to get attractive girls. I remember him telling me a great story about a girl he met in the airport. While they were waiting for their flight, they hung out at the bar but made a fun game where they would drink every time they saw a passenger running for his flight. It is such a simple concept, but again it creates a fun little framework within to have a conversation.

Games and bets are similar to role playing in that they create a fun framework for your conversation. In addition, when done correctly, a bet will create the feeling of an "inside joke" between the two of you, and it also introduces a competitive challenge. This introduces playful

52

tension. Similar to role playing, it is important that you don't overdo this technique. It is much better to make one bet that lasts all night (like the two examples above) than to make many small bets throughout the night.

Don't bet money, use the opportunity to continue the interaction in a fun way. Great examples include: - Something outrageous that she won't take seriously, like a week in Fiji - Loser cooks dinner for the winner - Loser grants the winner 3 wishes - Drinks - Something embarrassing

Use the environment you are in. For example, if there is a Karaoke bar around the corner, "something embarrassing" might be singing a silly song.

ObservingStrangers Another fun interaction to have with a girl is to comment on strangers. One fun example at a bar is to do commentary on a guy approaching a girl in the bar. Most girls will really enjoy this interaction and jump in at the opportunity to hear a guys point of view. At the same time, it implies that you are successful with women as you are able to see his mistakes. You don't want to be overly mean - so don't say, "that guy looks like a total loser - he is going to totally creep that girl out." Instead, notice a guy who is lingering by an attractive girl (this is VERY common) and say, "hey look, that guy wants to talk to that so he thinks he can just linger there and she will

53

like him." Or if you see a guy talking to a girl and looking like he is about to physically grab her (also VERY common), say sarcastically, "now he is moving in for the kill!" These comments work so well because they are situations that most girls can identify with - they constantly have low-value guys doing these things trying to meet and attract them. By calling them out, you look like you "get it."

SexualConversation Under the right circumstances, most girls LOVE to talk about sex. It creates the impression that you are experienced and comfortable with sex and it also causes her to associate feelings of sexual arousal with you. The key is to bring it up in a non-threatening way. This is best done after you have a good rapport going (using the first 5 techniques).

Some general guidelines: - Don't bring up a direct reference to sex between the two of you. One of the worst things you can do is make a girl feel slutty - girls have a tendency to become extremely prude in these situations. Instead, bring up sex in general - she will associate it with you anyways. - Talk in generalities - for example, talk about your theory that less attractive girls are more enthusiastic in bed, or how Halloween brings out girls' "inner slut" - Read into her comments, and call her out on it - if she says something ambiguous, misinterpret it as being a sexual comment

PuttingItAllTogetherTheArtofConversation
Once you have mastered one of the 6 conversation skills you might be tempted to use it all the

54

time. But the key to good conversation is to create a balance. It is a great idea to mix these conversational techniques with "normal" conversation - getting to know her. The best way to do this is to get her laughing with one of the techniques above and then say, "hey, you're a lot of fun... so what is your story anyways, are you going to school around here?"

From her point of view, this comes across as you are a fun guy that wants to get to know. On the other hand, the average guy approaches a girl and starts asking her personal questions without first establishing a connection. This creates a sense of, "who is this guy, and why do I want to share my life with him?"

The amount of conversational technique you should use decreases the more you get to know a girl. The graphic below illustrates this point.

55

When you first meet a woman, you should be focusing almost entirely on using the 6 conversational techniques above. This will help to create a fun interaction that leads to attraction and connection. As you progress into your relationship with a woman, you should start phasing in more normal conversation.

ChapterReview
We covered a lot of ground in this chapter and went into a lot of detail about value and how to communicate it. If you feel overwhelmed, remember you don't need to master every detail to start having great success with women! Each technique alone has the power to dramatically improve your attractiveness. Focus on one area at a time and add more techniques as you improve. Pick 1 of the 5 ways to communicate value and 1 of the 6 Conversational Techniques

56

and spend a week working specifically on those behaviors.

57

Act4: PerfectDating

58

So you met a girl out and got her number. Now it is time to get her on a date.

HowtoStarttheDate
The beginning of a date is a critical moment. A lot of guys who start having success meeting girls and getting phone numbers assume that they can meet up later and pick up the interaction exactly where they left off.

But no matter how great of a first impression you made, she doesn't really know you that well yet and you can bet that she is going to have thought about this in the time since you met. So when she shows up to meet you, her guard will probably be raised a little. One way to minimize this is a technique called the "on-the-fly date," which I will talk about later. Basically this is when you turn your first meeting into a "date" on the spot - by suggesting you grab a quick cup of coffee, for example. This will turn the next meet up into a "second date," which comes with much less hesitation. But assuming you did not set up an on-the-fly date you are going to want to make sure your first date starts strong to quickly get rid of any doubts she may have.

When you first see her, make sure you give her a nice hug. Use the conversational techniques we covered in the last chapter to recreate the fun and flirtatious interaction.

Another great idea is to bring her to your place in a non-threatening manner before the date even begins. If she is picking you up or coming to your neighborhood for your date, have her call you when she gets near and tell her you are just finishing up getting ready and invite her in. When she comes in just simply show her around for a few minutes and leave. This simple act will help

59

her to feel comfortable at your place. Later on when you invite her back, it won't be to a strange and unknown place, which can take a lot of the pressure off.

AQuickWordOnPaying
In general it is not a good idea to pay for your date. This goes back to the concept of the "Value Frame." If you are paying for her it sets the tone that you are lucky to be spending time with her and that you need to "win her over" by buying her gifts.

However, it is important that you don't take this too literally. There are many exceptions where it is fine to buy her something: - she is celebrating something - birthdays, graduations, promotions etc - she just did you a favor - if she drove 20 miles to pick you up when your car broke down, you should buy her a dinner

What makes buying her things "low value" is when it creates the impression that you are making sacrifices to try to win her over. But the very act of buying something doesn't have to create this impression. I've seen this come up a lot for young professionals. I've worked with guys that have a good job and that are making good money and are regularly eating at nice restaurants. When these guys take out a girl who is still in college (and not able to or used to spending money) he has 3 choices. He can: 1) go to a less expensive venue that she will be comfortable at 2) take her to the nicer restaurant and have her pay her share, or 3) take her to the nicer restaurant and pay
60

Let's look at each option. Option 1 is actually a low value option. Again, the key here is that you are making sacrifices for the privilege of spending time with her because you are adjusting your lifestyle to accommodate her. Option 2 is pushing your dominant role too far - you will come off as inconsiderate. So in this situation, your highest value choice is to actually take her to the places you are accustomed to spending time out and pay. Now if you are in this situation, you need to make sure that you don't make it seem like it is a big sacrifice for you to pay. You need to be very nonchalant about picking up the tab. Don't comment on how much it cost and let her pay for other things that are more appropriate for her budget. Let her pay for the cab ride to the restaurant, or for drinks after. And if she offers to pay, take whatever she gives you and don't make a big deal about it.

UnforgettableDates
98% of guys will take girls out to dinner when they go on their first date. The problem with this is that you are relying totally on your conversational skills to create a connection. So unless conversation is your particular strength try one of the following instead:

1)SomethingYouAreGoodAtorAnExpertIn Take her to an activity that you are good at or an expert in. If you are into golf, take her to the driving range. If you are really into jazz, take her to a jazz show. And if you are into art, take her to an art class or a museum.

61

This works for several reasons: - You instantly have a lot of value in that context. - It provides a fun framework for interaction. You will naturally have a lot to talk about, if it is a physical activity you can teach her - and then tease her when she messes up. - It is memorable and creative. She is going to remember her trip to the archery range much more than she remembers another random dinner date. She is also much more likely to tell her friends about it, which implants in her mind that she must like you if she is sharing the details of your date with her friends.

2)SomethingUnusualorSilly Take her to something unusual or silly - something neither of you are interested in. Check your local newsletters for fun events that might fit this description. Anything that will make you both feel silly and give you something to joke about later is a great candidate. Examples might be wine tastings, professional bowling events, destruction derbies, pottery classes... anything you DON'T do on a regular basis.

Try making it a surprise. Just tell her you have a silly surprise for her and don't plan it out a week ahead of time. The spontaneity will really add to the experience.

3)TheOnthefly"Date" This works great if you meet a girl during the day, whether it be in a shop, on the street, or at a park. Instead of doing what most guys do - getting her number and setting up a "proper" date another night, just grab her and take her for an ice cream on the spot. This can be very attractive

62

for several reasons: - It removes all of the expectations and uptightness that can come before a "regular" date - It comes off as very spontaneous, adventurous, and fun - It is memorable and it is a good story to tell about how she met you - It builds the relationship and creates trust and comfort before you have to part ways. This makes a huge difference when you try to meet her for the second time

4)SituationsWhereYouHaveInflatedValue Another great time to invite a girl on a date is anytime you are in a situation where your value is temporarily inflated. For example, invite her to a party at your house, or if you have a restaurant or bar that you go to regularly and the staff all know and like you, take her there. Another example that I learned by accident when I was going home for the first time in about a year to see some friends I went to high school with. I coincidentally met a girl that day in my home town and invited her to come out with me. Because it had been a year, when I got to the bar, all of my friends were excited and enthusiastic to see me. Of course to the girl that I brought it looked like I was the most popular guy there and got that reception all the time.

OnlineDating
Online dating is a great way to meet girls. The same principles apply in online dating that apply in general dating. However, there are a few important twists to online dating that you should be aware of.

63

YourProfile
The fact that a girl can read all about you and see photos of you before even beginning a conversation is one of the biggest differences between meeting girls online and meeting girls in real life. Because you are revealing so much information before the interaction even begins, it is crucial that your profile communicates your high value.

Most online dating sites like match.com and eharmony.com have you create a profile that answers a lot of silly questions that are irrelevant for attraction, like what are your favorite foods or would you rather go on vacation in the mountains or to the beach. This is the online equivalent to face-to-face "interview-style" game. You do NOT want to fill out all of these items like a robot. No one really cares what kind of food you eat!

I like to even poke fun at these questions. For example, for "list your favorite foods," you might write:

"I only eat Vietnamese food. In fact, if you don't only eat Vietnamese food, I won't consider dating you. If you aren't down with Vietnamese food don't even bother writing me."

Social Proof - One great way to use social proof to your benefit on your online profile is to use pictures of yourself with other attractive women. You can also use photos of yourself in other high-value situations, for example on vacation, winning an award, or being celebrated.

64

Act5: PhysicalMastery

65

Youve approached the girl of your dreams, youve charmed her and generated attraction, youve taken her out on some memorable dates, and youve started a physical relationship. Great, but now what? If you are like most guys (and I definitely was) you need some help with the physical side of the relationship sex! Act 5: Physical Mastery is divided into 2 parts to teach you everything you need to know to rock her world! Part 1: The Three Principals of Physical Mastery, covers the essential beliefs and understanding about sex. Part 2: The P.A.V.E. System is a framework for incredible sex that focuses on 4 key components that are going to make you a rock star in bed Presence, Authority, Variety, and Emotion. It tells you EXACTLY what to do to drive your girl crazy. We are going to cover each component in detail and then at the end of this chapter, Im going to show you how to combine them to make them work even better. Because when you combine them, they're much stronger.

Part1:TheThreePrincipalsofPhysicalMastery
Unfortunately most guys have terrible beliefs and attitudes about sex. We have been conflicting advice from friends and family, the media, and popular culture. These toxic beliefs are ruining your sex lives!

There are four principals to achieving physical mastery. They are:

1)EmotionsoverPhysicalSensation
The first principal is emotions over physical touch. Great sex is the result of great emotions much more than it is about physical sensations.

66

Think of the way women masturbate. They dont lie there slamming themselves repeatedly with enormous dildos. That is only in porn. When a normal woman masturbates she uses an average sized dildo or touches herself and FANTASIZES about a man making love to her OR fucking her pussy until shes in ecstasy. She is MANUFACTURING strong emotions. When youre having sex with her, you need to make her feel those same emotions. Now it is still true that there are certain positions that give her orgasms and certain hand and oral techniques that better assist you in getting her to come, but the emotions are ALWAYS more important than physical technique. Think about when women talk to other women about sex. According to my field research with many women, if the sex is great, they talk about how men make them feel. Men talk about how women look. They talk about the shape of her breasts, how her ass looks, what she was wearing, and what kind of panties she had on. Men talk about all this stuff that is physical, but women talk about how the man made them feel. So thats the key takeaway. Always think feelings over physical. The emotions you give her COMBINED with your other bedroom tactics are what is going to create the best sexual experiences of her life! Remember: physical stimulation is less important than strong emotions.

2)WomenLoveSexEvenMoreThanMen
That may sound unbelievable because many guys say My girlfriends not that sexual." She doesnt get horny. Or, She likes to cuddle and shes very romantic, but she doesnt like sex. She is more interested in whether I do the chores and take out the trash and do things around the house more than having sex.

67

So, again, women need sex more than men. The sooner you realize this, the better off youll be. This is everywhere. What do you think women read? Look at Cosmopolitan. Look at YM. Look at all these women magazines, the stuff that you look at, and youre, like, Thats trash. What do they talk about? Its all sex tips and sex headlines on those magazines! Look at all the time they spend buying shoes, buying underwear, make-up,and other products to look good. You ever look at a mans underwear, compared to womens underwear? Not to be graphic or weird. Dudes just throw on a pair of boxers or tighty-whiteys. There it is. Its my underwear. Women spend hours, Is this the right underwear? Does it look good? This shirt, these pants, do I look fat in this? Its because theyre sexual creatures. They want to look desirable. They have all this sexual desire, but society represses it, and the examples of this are everywhere.

3)ThereIsNothingWrongWithYourBody
The third principal is that there is nothing wrong with your body. Most guys who have a sexual problem think that there is something physically wrong with them. In 99% of cases, when a guy is struggling in bed its because of any or all of these 3 things: Wrongmindsetsandbeliefsleadingtoinabilitytogethardorlastlongenough. When you dont believe you are a sexual alpha male internally and exude that confidence in the bedroom, its easy to fall into self-doubt. Doubting or worrying about lasting a long time is the wrong mindset. Believing that she is so hot that the slightest physical touch will make you come mentally puts her in charge and you as the sexual beta male. Allow yourself to be turned on fully by her, but transform the emotions of self-doubt, and anxiety into confidence and authority (we

68

will do this together). You will get hard naturally as soon as you destroy the anxiety mindset. You need to re-wire yourself to the correct beliefs about your dominance as a sexual alpha male! Lackofknowledgeaboutwhatreallyturnswomenon We all know knowledge is power. When you dont know what really turns women on, you dont have sexual power needed to be the best lover you can be. Remember I spoke about emotions being so important for a woman? Women know that they are guided by their emotions, so they try and control them as best they can. They dont want to be in control though. They want you to dominate them, tease them and stimulate them, mentally and physically. You can give a girl an orgasm, just by dirty talk. A slight hair tug from the back of her head can sometimes instantly show her you will manhandle her. These are examples well go over in detail. You have to learn the techniques and see which works best on your girl and in the right context. So really, theres nothing wrong with your body. Whats wrong is how you are using your body based on bad mindsets and beliefs. Its very rare to find a guy with a physical condition that is leading to bad sex.

Part2:TheP.A.V.E.System
The P.A.V.E. System is a framework for incredible sex that focuses on 4 key components that are going to make you a rock star in bed Presence, Authority, Variety, and Emotion. We are going to cover each component in detail and then at the end of this chapter, Im going to show you how to combine them to make them work even better. Because when you combine them, they're much stronger.

69

Presence
The first component is Presence. Presence means being in the moment and not worrying about anything else other than what's going on. It's not just you being in the moment, it's HER being in the moment. Presence means that all you're thinking about is.. actually nothing! You're not thinking about anything, and she's not thinking about anything. Often, you'll know that she's in the present when her eyes are closed. If her eyes are open, and she staring at you or looking around the room like, "Oh, should that painting be over there?" she's not in the present, and she's not in the moment at all. This is a bad thing, because you want her not thinking anything, but feeling. Women are feelers. 1)GetRidOfTension One of the signs that you're both in the present, is that there's no tension. You're not feeling any stress in any muscles, you're not thinking about, "Did I get that report done for work?" You're not thinking Is she enjoying this?" That's one of the big ones, Is she enjoying this? If you're thinking about that, you arent in the present. So, part of being present is not really worrying about if she's enjoying it, and we'll talk about how to make sure that she is enjoying it. In the beginning, you're definitely going to be worrying about, "Is she enjoying this?" But, after a short while, it will become natural, and you won't worry at all about whether or not she's enjoying it. It'll just happen on its own. Youll know shes enjoying the sex. A lot of guys are tense in bed because they are tense in their life. And if you're tense in your life, you're going be tense in bed. The absolute best way to lower your tension is through controlling your breathing. Here is a simple breathing exercise that works wonders to lower your tension: 1) Sit in a comfortable position
70

2) Breathe in slowly through your nose concentrating on making your stomach go out as you fill it with air. This inhale is breath #1. 3) Hold your breath for a second once it is all the way in. 4) Breath out slowly through your mouth noticing your stomach coming back in. This exhale is breath #2. 5) Repeat in and out in same manner until you reach 10 (5 inhales and 5 exhales). Concentrate only on thinking about the number you are on, nothing about life or any topic. Clear your mind other than the numbers. Once you hit 10 repeat the cycle until you find you are completely relaxed. In the beginning this may take 40-50 total breaths. After you have practiced this exercise a few times you will be able to relax very quickly. Practice this exercise on your own until you develop the ability to relax yourself simply by taking a few deep breaths. At this point, you will be able to use this technique any time you are with a girl sexually and feel tension. 2)NotThinkingAboutPenisorPerformance The next part of presence is not thinking about your penis and your performance. Nothing about, "Am I big enough? Am I hard enough? Am I lasting long enough? Am I good?" All of these thoughts will increase your tension, destroy your enjoyment, and take you out of the moment. Ideally you are thinking about nothing but if this is too difficult at first, focus on her. Too many guys hear bad advice like, think about baseball, when in fact they would be much better off thinking about the girl. Youve finally gotten a beautiful girl into bed, enjoy it! It's a big problem, so you got to make sure that you aren't worrying about any of these fears about your penis, or about different aspects of your sexuality.

71

3)UsingPrimalInstinctsandDesire You dont want to be thinking. You want to just be going by instinct. So, in the beginning, while you're learning this stuff, you're definitely going be doing a lot of thinking. There'll be a learning curve. Just like anything else. Like when you learned to drive a stick shift, when you learn a language, anything, you're thinking about it at the start. "What do I say now? Which gear to I shift into?" You're learning. But, once you get past the learning stage and pass the learning curve, you no longer want to be thinking about what exactly you're doing, and what's going on. Always instinct. Think of a bear that's going to pull a salmon out of the river. He's not thinking, "Maybe I'm gonna move my head in this direction. Maybe the salmon will move to 42 degrees, and I will grab him here, and the wind is this variable." Think of just pure instinct, just getting in there and grabbing that salmon. The bear just jumps into the river and grabs it. It does it out of a primal instinct. That's how you want to be when you're in the present. You're just primal. Just going right after it. That is Presence.

AUTHORITY
The next component of The P.A.V.E. System is Authority. Women don't want another woman, they want a man. You need to be authoritative in bed. You need to show that you're in charge. This doesn't mean you're going choke her like crazy, and be physically aggressive with women. You want to always treat women with respect, but you need to be authoritative. They want a man. Youve got to be manly. You've got to be the alpha sexual male. Heres how:

72

1.You(theMan)AreInCharge Show her you're in charge by leading. By having that mindset of leader, you'll begin to naturally think, "I'm in charge. I'm the boss here. I'm going to do what I like." You want to show that you're in charge, and you're the one leading the sexual interaction. It's much more attractive for women, whether it's during sex or during a date, to be led by the male. That's how it's been since the caveman days. Evolution has shown that men have to be the stronger, more dominant, and the woman is, going to follow the lead of the man. To many guys fall into the trap of thinking they are going to please their woman by doing exactly what she wants. This is very similar to the concept of Dominating the Interaction that we covered in Act 3: Automatic Attraction. Dont take this too far if something you are doing is obviously making her physically uncomfortable, stop. On the same note, if she really responds to something you are doing, keep doing it, and if she asks you to do something specific, you should do it usually. But you CANT walk into the bedroom with the mindset that you are going to ask her what she likes and do it. Being authoritative is going to turn her on FAR more than touching her the EXACT way she likes. So, you have to start with the idea that you're in charge. 2.TalkDirty The second trait of being authoritative is to talk dirty when you're in the authoritative mindset. Well talk about how to combine authority and emotion a little bit later on. When you're in the authoritative mindset, you've got to recognize that what goes with authority is talking dirty. Try saying things like, "Baby, I love fucking you, or "I love fucking you right now. You're mine. You like this? I'm gonna make you come down your leg. And just saying things that are dirty, like "You like it when I fuck you. All sorts of stuff like that. You are going to start slow with

73

talking dirty because when you havent done it and you start, it can be too much. So well go over an implementation plan for everything at the end of the chapter. Talking dirty is really an authoritative thing. Honestly, the stuff you hear in pornos is pretty close to what you should say, but much more intense. Because in real life, women really, really want to hear it, so you can get as crazy as you want. And you can say a lot of crazy stuff but you have to start slowly. I like to have guys start with something like "You like how I feel inside you?" Something like that, and then ramp it up from there. Its going to be different and sound a bit awkward maybe but you just have to get comfortable talking dirty. When I started I thought I sounded creepy and just dirty but you can get away with a lot of stuff because its in the moment. You wouldnt call her my little slut in front of kids or out in public where people can hear. Its all about being in the moment. 3.PhysicalSensationsofPain The third part of authority is the physical sensation of pain. And I don't mean pain like tie her up in bondage and throw hot wax all over her, but by pain we mean some light slapping. Like if you're having sex with her doggie-style, lightly slap her ass and see the result. Okay. You could take her arms, and if you're in missionary position, pin her arms behind her head. Try to get to the point where you can pin her wrists with one hand (test the waters, but dont ever hurt her). This all means heightened arousal towards you and massive stimulation while shed normally be afraid of being helpless. Authority can mean having sex with her harder. Moving faster and thrusting in and going deeper. A great way to show authority is ripping her clothes off to show how passionate you are. That's very authoritative. It could be pushing her down into the bed. That's authoritative. It could be having sex with her spontaneously. That's really authoritative and all show slight pain and the authoritative feeling of being taken.
74

4.Possession Another way of being authoritative is possession. Pretend that she belongs to you, and specifically that parts of her belong to you. Like these are my breasts/tits, or this is my pussy. You want to say things that are really authoritative that make her understand that she is yours. You want to show authority. And it doesn't mean that in the relationship that you're treating her like garbage, and she knows that. It will probably get to the point and shell want to be authoritative with you and try to rip your clothes off and try to suck your cock off. Thats great but make sure you still dominate her and she doesnt feel too powerful, because whether she knows it or not, shell be less attracted to you if you let her consistently lead, even though she thinks shes just being passionate. Thats where if she gets wild for sex with you, use VARIETY. Just a reminderand make sure you vary it by pushing her off you and telling her I love when you suck my cock. But right now I need you to bend over and take my cock inside. This is my pussy baby. Tell me you want my cock deep inside you! Possession can be dangerous though so make sure that the possession doesnt get crazy outside the bedroom where shes asking you questions about where you were all the time. But when you fuck her so good and she feels like she owns your cock and you own her pussy, things get very territorial. Its a great thing but make sure you make her feel like shes the only one constantly if she gets too territorial. So youre in this emotional setting while you're having sex with her, and you're being really authoritative, and giving her an authoritative sexual experience. You have to learn to separate the experience from real life. Also, you have to be able to in authority, start caressing her, and get her in the mood to have sex when she wasn't trying to have sex with you, but get her aroused so that she does. That is authority right there.
75

Doggy style is a perfect way to show youre the boss of the interaction. Dont ask to do doggystyle. Just pull her into position and get going!

VARIETY
The third component of The P.A.V.E. System is variety. There is physical variety but thats not what Im talking about. Emotional variety is what is REALLY important. It's being a different type of lover who keeps things fresh and exciting. So, sometimes you want to be that really romantic guy, that Casanova, that comes in and sweeps her off her feet, saying "Baby, I love you so much. I love being inside you." That's one kind of a lover. 1)BeDifferentTypesofLovers Sometimes you need to be the bad boy that's fucking her really hard, and you're going to just keep fucking her really, really hard. And you're fucking her doggie-style. You're slapping her ass. You're going crazy, right? Maybe you're fucking her in a place you shouldnt be, like you're at her parent's house, or in public. That's a different kind of emotion for her. Or you could be narrating a very emotional fantasy like something out of a romance novel. You could be telling her how much you love her and how much you want to be with her. This type of sex can be all about you being connected as oneThe point from both examples is that emotional variety by being different kinds of lovers is highly important. Variety is about giving her a different sensation of feelings. It's not solely about different positions. Different positions definitely help, because different positions give her different emotions. If you do different positions, and you say different things, and you have different interactions in these different positions, it's definitely going to add variety, because it's adding emotional variety AND physical variety. But, positions themselves aren't really that different.
76

You only really need about four or five sexual positions. You need to be able to give her different emotions and variety of sexual experiences from the same sexual positions. So, being different type of lovers is one of the keys to variety. The second key to variety is that positions aren't that important. And I just touched upon it, but positions aren't as important. Why? Its because you can have massive variety within one position. Many of my students have made multiple girls have orgasms, repeatedly, just from changing their emotional status by being in the missionary position. In the missionary position you can make love to her. You can fuck her. You can talk emotionally. You can talk dirty. There's so many different things that you can do just from missionary position, that really changes how she's feeling and what kind of orgasm she has. 2)BeingSpontaneous So, another issue to variety is spontaneity. If you're always having sex at 9:00 at night, on Friday night, that's not very spontaneous. You want to be having sex at different times. Sometimes you want to have sex in the middle of the day, if you can. Try and rendezvous in the middle of the day to have sex. Try to have various times where you have sex. Be Spontaneous! You never want to plan sex. If it's planned, it's not going have that variety. It's not going to have emotion. It's going seem monotonous. So, you want to make sure that the sex is very spontaneous as often as possible. Yes, you're going to have a lot of sex at night after you go to bed, and in the morning when you wake up, but as much as possible try not stick to a schedule. Do it in the shower, or take a little trip together and have sex when you get there. You want as much spontaneity as possible.

77

3)UsingFantasies A Great way to add in variety is through using fantasies. There are lots of different fantasies. Fantasies are a great way to add in variety, because you can make her feel a wide range of emotions, as well as have a lot of fun yourself, and its a very enjoyable thing. And again, when you make her feel a variety of emotions, you're going to give her a lot of orgasms, and she's going to be madly in love with you. So, fantasies are one way to add in a lot of orgasms. The main way to have more variety is to change the emotions. Change the feelings that she has. Keep things fresh, be a different kind of lover, be spontaneous, and use fantasies as a way to make sure your sex life doesnt get boring.

EMOTION
The fourth component of The P.A.V.E. System is emotion. 1)MakeHerFeelaRangeofEmotions Sometimes she wants to feel really wanted in a caring and loving way. Sometimes she just wants to feel like a piece of meat. Women want to feel different emotions during sex. Emotion also explains a lot of guys sexual problem. Theyll get married, or they'll get a girlfriend, and in the beginning the sex is really good. And then the sex peters out. It's because in the beginning, there's so much emotion for both of you. You're madly in love. Your bodies are new. There's a lot of emotion in the beginning. Then that emotion dips over a time. So now, after the initial emotions have dipped, you don't want it to end in a weak "I love you." If you're saying I love you, you want to say it with passion. The stronger the emotions, the stronger the orgasms are going to be.

78

2)TheStrongertheEmotions,theBetter Women are attracted to strong emotions. They love guys that make them feel strong emotions. If you've ever seen a bad boy with a really hot girl, he makes her feel a lot of strong emotions, either inside the bedroom, or outside. And it's not that she loves each emotion that she feels, it's that it's this wild roller coaster of various emotions. And you want to do that in bed. Different emotions - feelings of being loved, feelings of just being fucked. Different and strong emotions are what YOUR girl wants. 3)YouMustBeVerbalinBed The third thing on emotion is that YOU MUST TALK. If you're not talking in bed, there's no way you're conveying any emotion. What you dont realize is that good sex involves verbal communication during sex at times. It's not having open dialogue or a convesation. It is a few select words used here and there that have a purpose. Emotions are best shown through words. Once you learn what to say youll be able to create strong emotions very easily 4)Teasing TEASING is a great way to create emotion. If you're teasing a girl, and you're really slowly building upand you're building upand you're building up, all that teasing creates anticipation. The anticipation creates excitement. The way that you can do that, I just keep kissing, keep kissing until all of the sudden she starts grabbing you, and then kind of push her away. Play hard to get. Do what a woman would do when you're trying to get her. Just keep going with the foreplay, and keep gently pushing her away in a teasing manner, until finally she can't take it anymore, and she really wants you inside of you.

79

5)BeingEmotionalYourself It takes two people to have great sex. So you have to be emotional yourself. If you can't be emotional yourself, she's not going to feel emotion. So, when you're telling her things, make sure that you really mean it. Emotion is pretty hard to fake for most guys. So, if you're not with a girl that you like, even sexually or in any manner, you need to be. If it's your wife, you should be pretty emotional, because you married her. Remember back to the emotions that you felt when you married her. So, you need to be emotional.

80

Act6: YourExecutionPlan

81

Wow, weve really covered a lot of material! Act 6: Your Execution Plan, is going to show you how to manage all of this new info and set yourself up for success. It is easy to get overwhelmed if you dont have the right structure in place to make sure that you are getting results as quickly and easily as possible.

WhoYouSurroundYourselfWith
There is a great concept that you are the average of the 5 people you spend the most time with. For example, if you spend all of your time with people who don't know how to attract women and spend all of their time playing video games, you will tend to do the same. In your little world, this is acceptable behavior. Likewise, if your 5 closest friends all eat healthy and exercise a lot, chances are you do too.

Now this isn't about ditching your "loser" friends at all. Your friends, no matter what their success with women, have lots of great traits. So you don't need to stop taking their calls, but when it comes to meeting women, you simply need to surround yourself with guys who are successful.

Your best choice is to surround yourself with guys who have recently made a transformation themselves. Your second choice would be to surround yourself with guys who are naturally good with women. And your worst option is to surround yourself with guys who are unsuccessful with women and not actively trying to improve.

82

ActiveSocialLife
Make sure you are cultivating an active social life. Start conversations with everyone - your doorman, people in the elevator, the store clerk. Don't walk around with your ipod on all the time! Being social is a skill, and like anything else the more you practice the better you get.

If you are moving to a new apartment or house, move to an area that has a lot of social activity. If you are moving in with roommates, find roommates with an active social life. For 3 years I lived with only girls, which meant a lot of girls came over to visit and I was constantly forced to interact with girls.

5StepsToAchieveAnythingInYourLife
This is something I learned from Wyatt Woodsmall, who is an expert in Neuro-Linguistic Programming. I definitely recommend checking out some of his books. Here are the 5 steps:

1) Wishing 2) Wanting 3) Planning 4) Doing 5) Having

83

1)Wishing Wishing is the very first stage of achievement. It is the simple act of thinking that you would like to pursue something. As soon as you start to get an idea about something you wish for, ask yourself a couple of questions. - what is preventing you? - what would happen if you could do it? It is important to recognize that most of our limitations are internal. While I'm not going to get all "new-age" and tell you that anything is possible - because no matter how much I practice I will never play in the NFL. However, I understand now that we are capable of FAR more than we imagine. It is very rare to find someone who has not internally "limited" what they are capable of. So when you are in the wishing stage, don't criticize yourself too early. It is important to be open-minded and make sure you have at least understand what is preventing you from doing something before you decide it is impossible.

If you are reading this then you have experienced the wishing stage when it comes to achieving in sex and dating. So ask yourself, what is preventing you from having the quality of women you wish for in your life? When I asked myself this, I realized that it was because I hadn't actually done anything to change, and suddenly it was very clear that I had been holding myself back all this time.

2)Wanting Wanting is the next stage of achievement. Wanting occurs when you start to connect your emotions to the wishing. This is a crucial step because the stronger the emotions behind your

84

wanting, the more energy and resources you are going to have when you start to encounter challenges, obstacles, or roadblocks on the path to achieving. Most of us understand perseverance intellectually, but it is not until you have experienced it first hand that you truly grasp the extent of its power.

To apply this to your dating life, connect as many emotions to achieving your goal. Connect as many positive emotions to what your life will be like and as much pain to what your life will be like if you don't change immediately. Like a lot of guys, I used to always downplay my problems. This is a really easy habit to fall into, because it is tough to keep beating yourself up all the time about something you are not happy with. But complacency is the #1 enemy of change. It is easy to get this area of your life handled, but it takes attention, it takes effort, and it needs to be a priority. So don't tell yourself stories and downplay your current situation - you want the urgency!

3)Planning After you have connected emotion to your wishing to create genuine wanting, the next step is planning. This is the key to getting results and getting them as quickly as possible. I've seen too many guys get all pumped up and dive in only to waste weeks, months, or even years trying crazy things that don't give them any results at all.

The first step to effective planning is to establish goals, objectives, and missions. These goals must meet certain criteria: - They must be stated in the positive - I want to accomplish x, y, and z, and not in the negative, I

85

don't want to do x anymore. If your natural goal is stated in the negative, ask yourself what you would have to do in order to avoid what you're trying to avoid - and then make that your objective. For example, if you wanted your goal to be to never be too scared to approach a girl, turn that around and make your goal to approach every girl that you are attracted to. - Your goal must be very clear. Don't make your goal to be "good with women." - Your goal must be measurable. Don't make your goal to "get more dates," instead make it "to go on 5 dates this month," or "to approach 1 girl every day for the next 3 months." - Your goal must have an evidence procedure - a way to know that you are achieving. What will you see, hear, touch, taste or smell to know you are getting outcome?

The second step of planning is to formulate strategies to reach your goals. This is simply a sequence of actions that will lead to your objective. The more specific you can make these, the better. Here are some that I suggest: - Set aside 1 hour each day for the next 90 days. Plan a time when your only priority is going to be working on some aspect of your game or meeting girls. - Keep a journal. Make sure to write about your experiences, your thoughts, your break-throughs, your emotions, and your specific actions and results.

4)Doing This is perhaps the most obvious of the steps in achievement. Keep in mind that only wellplanned, massive action is going to lead to results. Do not confuse a lot of activity for a lot of productivity. I have met so many guys who are dedicated beyond belief to improving this area of their life and they spend countless hours reading and posting on internet chat rooms and

86

approaching women - but they aren't focusing their effort on improving so they are just wasting a lot of time.

You need to regularly monitor your "doing" and make sure that it is in line with your "planning." If it is not, ask yourself what is preventing you from following your plan? Are there logistical improvements that you can make to your plan to make it easier to follow? Are you just making excuses?

5)Having Having is the final step of achieving. One surprising point here is that a surprising amount of people get this far and then sabotage themselves for psychological issues of guilt, feelings of notdeserving etc. If you follow the Zero Rejection Dating program your risk for this is low because we are addressing your core psychological issues head on. But you should be aware of this tendency in some people so that if you have even the slightest hint of it you can squash it immediately.

Conclusion
Let me leave you with this final point. If you are serious about changing your life, make a commitment to working on this area of your life for an hour a day for 90 days. You are going to have to step outside of your comfort zone at times, and you may face a few frustrations along the way. But if you make that simple commitment, which begins by applying the principles of Zero Rejection Dating Foundations, you WILL have success.

87