Therapists Overview

SEEING THAT WERE ALL JUST HUMAN

GOALS OF THE EXERCISE

1. 2. 3. 4. 5. Develop a program of recovery from addiction that reduces the impact of borderline thinking patterns on abstinence. Terminate dichotomous thinking, unmanaged anger, and fear of abandonment. Learn that fear, anxiety, and self-doubt are normal and universal human emotions. Increase identification with both strengths and weaknesses of other people. Correct distortions in self-perception.

ADDITIONAL PROBLEMS FOR WHICH THIS EXERCISE MAY BE USEFUL

Narcissistic Traits Social Anxiety

SUGGESTIONS FOR PROCESSING THIS EXERCISE WITH CLIENTS

The Seeing That Were All Just Human activity is aimed at clients whose exaggerated perceptions of differences between themselves and others, devaluing themselves and idealizing others, or vice versa interfere with empathy, relationships, and a healthy self-image. It addresses either/or, good/bad thinking and judgment of self and others by guiding the client to see both others and himself/herself as a mixture of strengths and weaknesses, and to identify ways in which relationships offer complementary strengths and mutual learning. This exercise is suitable for individual or group use, in session or as homework. Follow-up can include keeping a journal on this topic and reporting to the therapist and group on insights and outcomes.

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SEEING THAT WERE ALL JUST HUMAN

Many people working to overcome addictions struggle with feeling uniquely flawed, with weaknesses and problems no one else could understand. On the other hand, we may feel that we are special in ways that others arentsmarter, stronger, more sensitive, and more talented. Either way, these beliefs about differences between us and other people can interfere with our recovery and get in the way of forming healthy friendships that will help us heal and grow. 1. If you sometimes feel that you are too different from others for them to accept and understand you, or for you to be comfortable becoming close to them, what do you feel are the differences between you and other people?

2. In Alcoholics Anonymous and other 12-Step programs, you may hear cautions against comparing your insides with other peoples outsides. What does this phrase mean to you?

3. The way most people use that phrase, it means thinking were crazy, sick, or weak because other people appear to have it all together, to be calm and confident, while we feel confused, anxious, scared, or overwhelmed. If youve felt this way, please describe the situation briefly.

4. Actually, those feelingsconfusion, anxiety, fear, and feeling overwhelmed are normal emotions that every sane person feels at times. Please briefly describe a situation where you felt these feelings but stayed composed on the outside, so that others couldnt tell what you were thinking and feeling.

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5. Now think about the person you most respect and admire. Do you know of a time when this person felt those same feelings in his/her life? What was happening?

6. Do you respect this person less because he/she was confused, fearful, or overwhelmed in that situation? How did he/she cope with these feelings, and could you use the same coping methods?

7. Now well look at strengths. What strengths or personal qualities do you value most highly? Please list the five qualities that are most important to you.

8. For the five qualities you listed, please give an example of a time youve shown each in something youve done.

9. Now list five people you see every daythey may be friends, family members, coworkers, or people you see in therapy group sessions or recovery program meetings.

10. Please list one example for these five people of a way youd like to be more like them.

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11. Now list one way for each of these five people in which you feel you could teach them somethingan area where you have a strength or quality of which they could use more.

12. Finally, for each of the five, list something important you have in common with them.

13. Take a few minutes, read back over this handout, and think about it. Have your feelings about question 1 changeddo you feel that you are too different from others for them to accept and understand you or for you to be comfortable becoming close to them? Please describe your thoughts.

Be sure to bring this handout back to your next session with your therapist, and be prepared to talk about your thoughts and feelings about the exercise.