You are on page 1of 9

Essay on how they became.

WHY DOGS NEVER LAUGH.


Unlike a circle, all alliances have a
beginning and end, even the strongest or
most lasting. Dogs may truly be man's
best friend but that wasn't always so.
If you are curious about how that
intense and mutually gratifying
affection between man and dog began,
this is the explanation. Although I
wasn't there to witness that first
discovery of reciprocal need, I have
concluded what had to have taken place,
based on overwhelming logic and
observation of their diverse
personalities.
Early caveman feared the curious
dog predecessor which circled his
campfire, hungrily drawn there by the
smell of fresh killed meat. Fido then
looked more like hyenas of today and
they were possessors of the capacity to
laugh. Not giggle or snicker but to laugh
loud and sarcastically. That antagonistic
affront to early man's dignity would
have provoked him to fire off a bone at
his circling tormentor. The laughter
ceased as the animal happily seized the
bone, beginning the symbiotic
relationship which has evolved into a
perpetual love affair between two
animals that need each other and also
explains why Dogs don't laugh at man,
even when he deserves it. If Dogs ever
regain their ability to put down their
master, laughing like their uncivilized
cousin, the hyena, that long and
wondrous relationship will come to an
end.

WHY DOGS WILL NOT TALK


Dogs, going more than halfway, in
their partnership with man,
learned to adapt indulgently to all man's
peculiarities. For a while they even
surrendered silence to oblige man's
guttural attempts to express each of
his emotions with aparticular sound. This
early barking and growling served man
and dog very welluntil there was
argument over who gave who fleas. Man,
whohad fingers and could point, won the
argument, and dogs no longer cared to
argue, dropping their progression in
languageand that quarrelsome aspect
that forces guilty man to alwayspoint at
someone else.
My dog can neither read or write
But edits my rhyme to give it bite
I read him each line and raised leg or
whine
helps me be most erudite

WHY DOGS WAG THEIR TAILS


Long ago, when man still lived in trees,
cats were big as small cows and had
teeth, long as large carrots. Dogs were
very small and timid, and were the
favorite food of thoseferocious cats.
Because their fangs were so large, cats
couldn't fully close their mouth. Any
animal that has theirmouth constantly
open ingests great quantities of dust,
bugsand other miscellaneous garbage.
Wide-open-mouthed creatures,are
plagued with allergies, colds, hayfever
and tickledtonsils which cause them to
sneeze violently and for longperiods of
time. Then as now, cats were crafty
hunters, skilled at sneaking upon their
prey. Because it was slight challenge for
them tocatch their intended dinner,
cats have always engaged inrelease and
recapture tactics not intended to
torment, butto increase the challenge of
capture. Had this not been so,cats would
still be giant, sabre-toothed monsters
and wewouldn't have any dogs at all.
Because those small dogs hopped along
erect, like kangaroos,they needed long
tails to keep from tipping over on their
nose. Those dogs that tried to escape
cats were all caughtand ate. Dogs, being
smarter than cats, developed a strategy
which allowed some of them to survive.
They would stop, turnand face their
predator, while humbly kneeling with
theirtail sweeping back and forth. This
maneuver never failed togenerate
enough insects, germs or dust to cause
the cat with shorter noses and open
mouths, great paroxysms of
sneezing.Dogs survived, grew larger,
learned to run on four feet andgenerally
prospered but they never forgot to wag
their tails.And they have never
forgotten their enmity with cats!

WHY DOGS PRETEND TO BE DUMB


Animal Psychologists are unanimous in
their mistaken belief that Dogs are
incapable of thought. This misconception
hasbeen created by the continuing
machinations of the canineworld who can
not only think but plan, plot and scheme.
Their apparent subjugation and
domestication is but a ruse,part of a
long term plan to teach humans to love,
other thanthemselves.

WHY DOGS CIRCLE BEFORE SLEEPING


Before Dogs became the best friend of
man, they lived alonein the wilds. They
avoided man because of man's proclivity
toeat any other animal that they could
catch. When ever dogsbecame aware
they were being hunted, they would
confuse theirpursuer with false signs.
Pursuers only pursue when they feelthey
have the advantage, being stronger or
bigger so the mosteffective dissuader
was to indicate their size as being
muchlarger, than the pursuing hunter
cared to could deal with.This was how
the trampling down of a large area for
theirbed began. (The pursuing tracker
was to be itimidated by themassive size
of a dog's bedding down imprint.) This
ploy wasso successful at enabling dogs
to evade their enemies, thatdogs
healthfully survive and most foes of
dogs have abandonedtheir pursuit,
however dogs still circle before resting. 
This now traditional habit, has evolved
into variations suchas dogs chasing their
tails and their quick adaptation totricks
like roll-overs and dogs dancing in
circles on theirhind legs. Our use of the
term tailing is one offspring ofdogs
chasing of their tails, and the scientific
proof of mytheory!
WHY DOGS HAVE SPOTS INSTEAD
OF STRIPES
None of God's creatures have
recollections of their existencebefore
birth, which does not disprove pre-birth
awareness. Do you believe a merciful
creator would send his treasured
creations out into a cruel adversarial
world without a peptalk or a preview of
the game plan? Have you ever heard a
dog called Stripe? God Warned
themthat they had the greatest
numerical possibility of beingcalled
Spot, which would be a stupid appelation
unless the namee had at least one spot,
they accomodated man by choosingspots
on their pre-natal paint job.

WHY DOGS HAVE WHISKERS

You might also like