February 17, 2012

Therapy needed regarding endless Bon cup strife

The Pioneer Log OPINION

Okay, Im going to start this off with a little story: Last Saturday night (sorry, Katy Perry) I went to a house party. For the sake of my pride, lets just say I had a little bit much to drink. Well, there was music and dancing and it was fun and there was this guy. Now, I kind of am involved with someone else. I mean, we arent exclusive, but we are dating. I really am interested in this guy I met at the party and he seems interested, too. Not as much as the guy Im dating, but he has texted me a few times and we got coffee yesterday. So theres my story. Is it wrong to date two people at once? I mean neither one is exclusive so it is not like Im cheating, but when I step back, Id feel pretty weird if I found out that either of them was dating someone else, even if it was casual. HELP! Love, Multiple Male Madness Dear Multiple Male Madness, thanks for writing in. Relationships these days are so vaguely defined that this type of thing seems to happen a lot. My advice is to make sure that you and your respective male interests are on the same page about what type of relationship youre in. No relationship can work if the two people involved have different expectations from it and you dont want to end up feeling like youre hiding something. Despite how awkward it will be, I think its important to talk to the boy youre dating about whether its okay to see other people. You dont have to necessarily mention the other guy, but its an important topic for you two to discuss. If your relationship is truly non-exclusive, he wont mind you seeing the guy from the party, but my guess is that if youd feel weird about him seeing another girl, he feels similarly. The rest depends on how that talk goes, but if you want an open, honest relationship, you will most likely have to choose between the two guys. Dont stay in a relationship you dont want to be in, but also dont let a difficult situation ruin something that could be great. Good luck and Id be curious to know how this turns out. I know that weed is illegal, so lets just use the letter J. I have been smokin a lot of J lately. Like, a whole bunch. Its helped me get over cigarettes, and I know that weed isnt addictive chemically, but I am a little nervous about how it is affecting my life. One of my best friends from NSO doesnt approve of J and while hes glad I stopped smoking cigarettes, he does not think that this replacement is much healthier at the rate Im doing it (for the sake of context, I smoke on average like once-twice a day). Is that a lot? I am taking quite a few challenging classes and J is just such a nice way to blow off steam after working for so many hours. I am staying on top of my work, for the most part, but, as I said, my social life is changing. I find myself leaving my roommate (who I am really close with, but who doesnt smoke very often) to hang with people who honestly arent as cool but have J. What do I do? I dont want to go back to cigarettes but I think that this is too much to have maintained for three weeks. Thanks, Smokin A Sunday Blunt Dear Smokin A Sunday Blunt, thanks for your question. J can be a lot of fun and a great way to relax, but it can also be very dangerous for some people. Some can use it frequently without any problems, but it is possible to rely too heavily on it, which can seriously mess up ones priorities and alienate them from things they truly value. Now, taking challenging classes and quitting smoking are both great things and I congratulate you on that. Still, its better to learn how to manage stress on your own than to rely onsomething external for your happiness (be it J, cigarettes, alcohol or evencaffeine). When we do this, we forfeit some control over our lives and this becomes a problem when we start to develop cravings and think that we cant be happy without it. J can also become a problem if it interferes with things that are genuinely important to you. Good performance in school and participation in fun activities are some examples, but for you, the main worry seems to be your relationships. If J is detracting from your relationships with your roommate and your NSO friend, thats a warning sign. Of course, you dont have to agree with them about whether J is good or bad. However, what is important is to look at its effect on how you interact with your valued friends and think about whats really valuable to you. Sometimes, spending time with a valued friend can relieve stress better than smoking J, and if its stress youre worried about, there are many other activities, such as exercise or meditation, that relieve stress with positive side-effects. Its a very good sign that you can be honest with yourself about using J and if you continue having problems with figuring out how to deal with it, you can always take advantage of the schools resources, such as the Counseling Service in Templeton. Good luck. I hope that February treats you well. My question involves ideological battles. Say I want to epitomize the best parts of diametrically opposed yet valid concepts. For example, I dont care what everyone thinks and I belong to a strong community are both messages that foster human satisfaction and protection, yet are completely unbalanced messages. What would you have me do? Thanks, Young Padawan Thanks for your question, Young Padawan, its a good one. Life doesnt work on an all-or-nothing basis. When we hear two opposing yet convincing statements, we usually feel we have to agree with one side and disagree with the other. However, we gain the most complete understanding if we look at both sides of the issue and find where the wisdom and faults of each side lie. In your example of I dont care what everyone thinks and I belong to a strong community, these statements, while seemingly opposed, each have something valuable to tell us. On one hand, individuality is important because it prevents us from sacrificing our ideals and uniqueness to trends and peer pressure. On the other hand, a strong community is equally important because it prevents us from becoming disconnected and lonely and allows us to have a meaningful impact on those around us. Principles in and of themselves arent important and becoming too married to a seemingly logical principal can end up harming us. The trick is discovering the line between a principles wisdom and its drawbacks. When does our individuality stop being advantageous and begin to isolate us? When does our sense of community stop being a source of support and love and begin holding us back from being who we want to be? The answer to these questions is different in each unique situation, but as long as we stay open to both sides of any ideological conflict, we can usually find the balance that is right for the situation. Send one of your very own 99 Problems to piolog@gmail.com. Submit by Monday at noon for next weeks issue. We accept both anonymous and formally signed letters, but keep them under two hundred words.

99 Problems

PHOTO BY CASSIE BISHOP

BY LINDSEY BOSSE
Staff Writer

You know you go to a small school when the greatest hype on campus is the cafeteria. Will it go to la carte? Will we have big cups? Even the most-talked-about problems with thievery on campus happen at the Bon! And Ill briefly give credit to the fact that the Bon supplies plenty of opportunities for really dirty jokes, especially if you Bon with other people, a bunch of people or alone in the corner. Simultaneously, I find it a little strange that among a population of young people and administrators, we all spend so much energy on talking about and waiting to hear about the Bon. So, about the cup issue. The stupid, bloody, petty, why-God-why issue of the small cups. Well, ladies and gentlemen, guess whatnow there are big red cups. It was a such a huge phenomenon that even students abroad shared a few words about it and laughed about the Bon cups they had packed away back in basements in Sellwood. What I get from the whole big cup hoopla is that about six months ago (or more) someone from the Bon or administration or ASLC should have probably reached out and said something about the cup theft. Instead, the response to the dwindling big-cup-population was a passive-aggressive switch to medicine cups, big enough for about three gulps of Yerba Mate. Yeah, I was a little flustered by the little cup situation, but I figured out that getting to the Bon earlier generally meant bigger cups, and therefore adapted my behavior.

What I didnt figure out was why we had smaller cups, and it wasnt until I was at an ASLC Senate meeting, in the presence of the Bon managers, that I found out why the big cups were gone. My frustration here is that perhaps and this is a big perhapsif someone had told all us big-cup-enthusiasts to stop stealing them, they would still be around in the Bon. Funny thing about thieves: they all dont sit around and show their booty to the other thieves, half of us probably had no idea that other kids were also stealing cups. A lot of students have coffee cups, water bottles, shot glasses and 30-racks, so you dont usually need cups. Other students have mastered the ability to buy housewares from Goodwill. Only a small percentage of the student body lives in the dorm rooms and therefore sees the vast quantities of Bon cups in communal kitchens. 100% of us had no idea the small cups were punishment due to cup-thievery, even with the relentless army of complaints! How come it wasnt until the cup issue was being addressed that we were told? My point is, if we are so inclined to bitch and moan about the Bon, and meanwhile update the student body on an a la carte system that will be forever pending, why cant we send out a simple Hey, stop stealing! email or hang a sign in the Bon? Just sayingwere super good at using words at Lewis & Clark, but not really effectively. Here is some free, communal cup therapy for you all: its all about communication. Its the only way were going to make this relationship work for all of us.