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EVERYONE SHOULD BE HAPPY. IMMEDIATELY. In the underground city of Alpha Complex, The Computer wants every citizen to have fun. If youre not having fun, The Computer will turn you into reactor shielding. ATTENTION, TROUBLESHOOTERS. PLEASE RETURN THIS STOLEN HELPBOT TO ITS OWNER. The Computers elite service agents, the Troubleshooters, have fun delivering the helpbot to a sequence of murderous gangsters. Its not annoying or repetitious at all, no siree. (You look like youre about to shoot your teammate! Would you like help?) IF YOU MEET DIFFICULTIES, SEEK HELP FROM YOUR FELLOW TROUBLESHOOTERS. Team Leader Fletcher-R is about to have lots of fun learning about his teammates. Hell learn theyre criminals themselves. Or they belong to traitorous secret societies. Fun, fun, fun. BEWARE! TRAITORS ARE EVERYWHERE! High on an experimental alertness drug called Leery, Fletcher must complete his mission before the treacherous Troubleshooters discover his own mutationor his ever-changing criminal affiliationsor his membership in the First Church of Christ Computer-Programmerin short, before Fletchers teammates find out hes a traitor. STAY ALERT! TRUST NO ONE! KEEP YOUR LASER HANDY! This is a FREE preview, Fletcher Eats the Apple, Chapter 1 of the complete PARANOIA novel T1 Stay Alert by Allen Varney
Stay Alert
Book 1 of The Troubleshooter Rules Allen Varney
Orientation
ALPHA COMPLEX The Computers underground city of the future. Trust The Computer! The Computer is your friend! TRAITORS Mutants and members of secret societiesthreats to good order and good hygiene. TROUBLESHOOTERS The Computers elite agents, charged with hunting and apprehending traitors. Their famous rules: 1. Stay alert! 2. Trust no one! 3. Keep your laser handy! Rumors the Troubleshooters themselves harbor traitors are treason.
Chapter 1 from the full-length PARANOIA novel Stay Alert by Allen Varney
48 hours earlier214.03.27 (Sevenday), 08:00 FunFoods PLC Cold Fun Processing Plant JSV034 Access S014
If the INFRARED multitudes, enjoying in their tranquilized way their nightly Cold Fun dessert, understood the many processing steps in that frozen concoctions synthesisthe parade of component chemical reactionsthe immense stainlesssteel machineries that funneled and mixed and stored organic precursors, reactants, and by-products in quantities that could float an aircraft carrierwell, theyd be terminated for knowledge above their clearance. But the point is, theyd understand why this refrigerated manufacturing hangar was filled with walkways and gantries, catwalks and cranes, struts and stanchions, all threading around and among endless rows of behemoth five-zillion-liter anodized aluminum storage tanks marked EXPLOSIVE. Fletcher-JSV-1INFRAREDs didnt get clearance initials shivered. He didnt know or care anything about Cold Fun manufacturing. He only knew the ragged black coveralls of the INFRAREDs, the no-clearance scutworking proles of Alpha Complex, were no good for this freezing Funhole. Vapor rose like smoke from his frosted boots. He disliked smoking boots. But to complain was to be unhappy. That would make The Computer unhappy. The Computer might ask its loyal servants in Internal Security to send Fletcher to a Bright Vision Re-education Center. There Attitude Adjusters would re-happify him with vigor and verve, at the cost of certain troublesome brain cells. Fletcher liked his higher motor functions, so he kept quiet. He shiveredbut with a smile. Stanton-JSV-1, his co-worker, looked cold too. Stanton was tall, rangy, black-haired (crewcut), weak-chinned, wide-mouthed, and currently turning blue. Why would a docbot get stuck here? Is someone injured back there? Fletcher peered down the foggy concrete walkway between coolant tanks. If there is, he wont need an ice pack.
Youve just read Chapter 1 (of seven) of the PARANOIA novel Stay Alert by Allen Varney. In the full-length novel available where you bought this bookFletcher-R meets the Troubleshooters of Team Rotisserie-459, and almost immediately gets into such trouble with them they want to shoot him. The helpbot returns, too, and why are all these gangsters trying to grab it? Which of Fletchers teammates support which gang? For that matter, which one does he support? His allegiance seems to change by the hour. What is going on with Fletchers blackouts, and will anyone notice? (Spoiler: Yes, they notice.) What is the mind-control technology called CIRCE, and why has it fallen into the hands of the cutting-edge Computer Phreak gangsters, the Flash Mob? Who is the mysterious M who seems to mentally control some of the most powerful people in the sector? Read Stay Alert to find (some of) the answers. Well, a few of the answers. Anyway, it should pique your curiosity.
Stay Alert
Book 1 of The Troubleshooter Rules by Allen Varney ultravioletbooks.com
Light-hearted stories of backstabbing, treachery, and Emergency Bathroom Break Vouchers. Based on the bestselling roleplaying game of fear and ignorance in a darkly satirical future, official PARANOIA novels are now available as ebooks from Ultraviolet Booksand theyre even for your security clearance. If you like reading about repressed teenagers groping sparkly vampires, this book will touch you in the bad place. But if you like Philip K. Dick and think Survivor needs a higher body count, your friend The Computer requires you to enjoy PARANOIA. PARANOIA NOVELS ARE FUN. OTHER NOVELS ARE NOT FUN. READ PARANOIA.
The Computer is Your Friend, an introductory anthology Reality Optional by Gareth Hanrahan Traitor Hangout by WJ MacGuffin The Troubleshooter Rules trilogy by Allen Varney Book 1: Stay Alert Book 2: Trust No One (available spring 2012) Book 3: Keep Your Laser Handy (available summer 2012) Download them from the same fine site where you got this book, or visit us at ultravioletbooks.com.