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The Pioneer Log BACKdoor

March 23, 2012

TOAST OF THE WEEK: SPRING BREAK

Sometimes one drinks to the original, the unexpected or the bizarre. Other times, he drinks to the banal or the unfulfilling. At his best, however, he drinks to the best, and Spring Break, you are simply the best. Only coming but once a year, you unfailingly show up right when I need you most. The rain, the homework, the loneliness, the ever-looming fear-of-the-future... For one glorious week, I get to cast it all aside, and its all thanks to you, you voluptuous vernal vixen. Thank you, Spring Break, for cradling us all in your mutable bosom, be it made of margaritas on the Gulf, microbrews on the Pacific, forties in the dorms, schnaaps on the slopes, or in my enviable case, Schlitz in the Midwest. How can I even embrace you in all of your splendor? Watching sci-fi in marathon increments? [Yes please] Sleeping in until my hearts content? [Duh] Letting my parents pay for my meals? [Of course] Actually using the time wisely to catch up on work in a few classes? [Sure! Why the hell not?] To you, Spring Break, I raise a hearty whiskey tonic to my health.

You Caught My Eye

You: Possess a penchant for flanged swords Me: Longing to be ensconced in your pommel You: Heroic referee Me: Wanting to break some rules You: Penis minimus Me: Amor vincit omnia You: Econ major with visible supply Me: Demand it inside me. You: Got the best weed on this side of the Northern border Me: Experiencing blunt force trauma You: Oregon driver Me: Tired of taking it slow. Me: Rebellious You: Beneath me. Literally. You: Redhead saucy mama from Tokyo. Me: Wondering if youd like to see my Samurai sword? You: Ivory ticklin east coast lady Me: Have A-Major crush on you You: Sculptor babe Me: Wanting you to get me wet without giving me the slip You: Person smiling in the library. Me: Wondering what gives you the right to be so goddamn happy when Im so goddamn miserable...

Wanna mack on somebody in a public forum? Email a You Caught My Eye to piolog@gmail.com

Diary of an LC Thesis Student

START HERE
Day 1: Pssh. I got this. And by got this I mean, Im gonna try not to think about it for the time being. Not gonna lie, feelin pretty smug...

Day 5: Choose a topic? But that requires thought...and time.

Day 38: Just woke up from a mini-coma, rough draft is done, next draft isnt due for another month...not gonna lie...feelin pretty smug...

Day 14: Proposal!? Ok, its ok, youre going to be ok. Think, think, think... You are smart. You can do this. Im getting a small taste of how much this thesis business is gonna suck, but, best to put it out of my mind. Ah, that reminds me. I should buy some weed...

Day 25: Alright, youve managed to more or less bullshit your way through the proposal, now the rough drafts due in a week... thats plenty of time to wrap your head around it.

Day 32: The rough draft is due in an hour... Hi Professor, I need an extension because. Im a lazy, Internet-addicted piece of shit...

Day 36: Who the fuck told me itd be a good idea to go to college? Why did I take for granted all the times when Ive been happy? Does life have purpose? Who am I? I hate myself. I hate every thought Ive ever had. I think I should sleep.

Day 30: Shiiiit. The rough draft is due in two days and I havent started. Alright, screw thinking...just type. Ooh, look, the Internet... NO. Focus. Ok, maybe watch something on Hulu for 30 minutes...but just while you eat! I mean, you cant write while you eat anyways...

THIS WEEKS COMIC: xkcd Sledding Discussion

All farticles written in the Backdoor are jokes. Funny jokes. Dont take them seriously because they dont take you seriously. Seriously. Oh, wanna do a comic or shower us with compliments? Contact Erin Ruprecht or Marcia Belsky.